Katawa Shoujo Forums

pair of stereotypical pair

also

my the library

Riakai wrote:blond

Blonde. One of the few gendered words in the English language.

Riakai wrote:infact

in fact

Riakai wrote:then Naomi chimes in,"Yep! I'm coming!"

Needs a space.

Also, as far as things being fast, there's always TheHivemind's comment (probably trolling) that all the girls except Rin wanted to ride Hisao on the first day.

Mirage_GSM wrote:No major grammar issues, but some stuff about the pacing caught my eye:

Naomi's probably got a thing for you, man.

Wow, that was quick...

"Shut up Kun!"

Interesting name I don't think it's in use in Japan, though.

"We should probably head back to our classes,"

Did I miss a time-skip somewhere? He just sat down less than... let's say 30 seconds ago.

The afternoon's classes pass uneventfully, and I start walking back towards my the library.

How does he know where the library is?

-Kun is poking at Naomi, he doesn't actually mean it. (It's true though, if you pay attention to the way she's acting )
-Kun is short for Kunitaro.
-Sorry if I didn't word the Cafeteria Dialogue right, I believe it was near one of the few times my iPad died, so some of it may've been rushed in that bit.
-He's just kinda looking around, trying to find it. Instead of finding the Tearoom, he finds the Newspaper Club's Room.

bhtooefr wrote:

Riakai wrote:blond

Blonde. One of the few gendered words in the English language.

Riakai wrote:infact

in fact

Riakai wrote:then Naomi chimes in,"Yep! I'm coming!"

Needs a space.

Also, as far as things being fast, there's always TheHivemind's comment (probably trolling) that all the girls except Rin wanted to ride Hisao on the first day.

-My iPad's autocorrect must've caught it or somethin'. I remember typing blonde ;-;
-Damnit, fixing those two, no excuses there.
-And yeah, to be fair, it does seem preeeeeety true on how most were swooning over him from day 1, I'm just trying to portray a similar relationship that I went through IRL, so it will seem pretty fast paced at first, then slow way down.

Riakai wrote:"Shut up Kun!"

The point being made here is that the -kun suffix is a Japanese honorific commonly used for (among other things) friendly nicknames and mascots, so you have both an unlikely abbreviation and a source of puns, both straight-language and cross-language, massive enough to make my head hurt.

Riakai wrote:autocorrect

You're doing it wrong. ಠ_ಠ

Silentcook wrote:

Riakai wrote:"Shut up Kun!"

The point being made here is that the -kun suffix is a Japanese honorific commonly used for (among other things) friendly nicknames and mascots, so you have both an unlikely abbreviation and a source of puns, both straight-language and cross-language, massive enough to make my head hurt.

Riakai wrote:autocorrect

You're doing it wrong. ಠ_ಠ

Oboy.
I didn't even think of that...
WHAT HAVE I DONE.

And I have autocorrect on because all of the hills 'n' shiet. My mom, the driver, made sure to hit... Every. Single. Bump.
So, often times I'd try to type "She says" and I'd end up typing "Dhe zays"

Bluetooth keyboard. You can get quite good ones nowadays.

Or use the Camera Connection Kit with a USB keyboard. I've seen some hilarious examples of IBM terminal keyboards (122 keys, 9.3 pounds) converted to USB and then interfaced to iPads and iPhones that way.

(I usually do my writing either on an Apple //c running AppleWorks 3.0 (I don't even have a dictionary for the spellchecker, and forget about autocorrect) or on Google Drive on my Mac, though.)

bhtooefr wrote:Bluetooth keyboard. You can get quite good ones nowadays.

Or use the Camera Connection Kit with a USB keyboard. I've seen some hilarious examples of IBM terminal keyboards (122 keys, 9.3 pounds) converted to USB and then interfaced to iPads and iPhones that way.

(I usually do my writing either on an Apple //c running AppleWorks 3.0 (I don't even have a dictionary for the spellchecker, and forget about autocorrect) or on Google Drive on my Mac, though.)

I plan on eventually getting one of dem, as well as a paid drawing app and a stylus~

Riakai wrote:After that hilarious ordeal, everyone

Everyone what?

Mader Levap wrote:

Riakai wrote:After that hilarious ordeal, everyone

Everyone what?

Dahell... It must've messed up, I had a sort of time passer thingy there .-.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who writes on a iPad XD but I decided it wasn't best for grammatical reasons but I enjoy the path the route is taking.

monkeywitha6pack wrote:Glad to see I'm not the only one who writes on a iPad XD but I decided it wasn't best for grammatical reasons but I enjoy the path the route is taking.

I only write on this thing on trips, I prefer computer typing.
My iPad's nice, but...
-Grammar/spelling issues
-Text size (The chapter I wrote today looks like it's gi-fucking-normous, but it's the shortest g'damn chapter yet.)
-Slower
-Formatting is a pain in the arse.

The small text makes it a lot harder to notice the grammar spelling and on top of that spellcheck fails

monkeywitha6pack wrote:The small text makes it a lot harder to notice the grammar spelling and on top of that spellcheck fails

Yeeeeeeeeep, hence why I hate using the iPad.
q-p

I have just about dick-all to add constructively, so I'm just going to tell you that so far, it's looking pretty good. If not a bit short, though that's not a problem.

AnathRaema wrote:I have just about dick-all to add constructively, so I'm just going to tell you that so far, it's looking pretty good. If not a bit short, though that's not a problem.

Don't worry, my chapters will all be the size of the two released chapters combined from here on out. Aiming to have at least 5k-7.5k words minimum from now on.

Also making use of in depth Chapter Outlines from here on out, instead of wingin' it from basic notes.