"Fits of Many Varieties" New Chapter 12/9

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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Comrade » Sat Nov 30, 2013 4:45 am

pair of stereotypical pair
:lol: also
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" Chapter 2

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Nov 30, 2013 9:03 am

Riakai wrote:blond
Blonde. One of the few gendered words in the English language.
Riakai wrote:infact
in fact
Riakai wrote:then Naomi chimes in,"Yep! I'm coming!"
Needs a space.

Also, as far as things being fast, there's always TheHivemind's comment (probably trolling) that all the girls except Rin wanted to ride Hisao on the first day.
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:19 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:No major grammar issues, but some stuff about the pacing caught my eye:
Naomi's probably got a thing for you, man.
Wow, that was quick...
"Shut up Kun!"
Interesting name ;-) I don't think it's in use in Japan, though.
"We should probably head back to our classes,"
Did I miss a time-skip somewhere? He just sat down less than... let's say 30 seconds ago.
The afternoon's classes pass uneventfully, and I start walking back towards my the library.
How does he know where the library is?

-Kun is poking at Naomi, he doesn't actually mean it. (It's true though, if you pay attention to the way she's acting :lol: )
-Kun is short for Kunitaro.
-Sorry if I didn't word the Cafeteria Dialogue right, I believe it was near one of the few times my iPad died, so some of it may've been rushed in that bit.
-He's just kinda looking around, trying to find it. Instead of finding the Tearoom, he finds the Newspaper Club's Room.

bhtooefr wrote:
Riakai wrote:blond
Blonde. One of the few gendered words in the English language.
Riakai wrote:infact
in fact
Riakai wrote:then Naomi chimes in,"Yep! I'm coming!"
Needs a space.

Also, as far as things being fast, there's always TheHivemind's comment (probably trolling) that all the girls except Rin wanted to ride Hisao on the first day.

-My iPad's autocorrect must've caught it or somethin'. I remember typing blonde ;-;
-Damnit, fixing those two, no excuses there.
-And yeah, to be fair, it does seem preeeeeety true on how most were swooning over him from day 1, I'm just trying to portray a similar relationship that I went through IRL, so it will seem pretty fast paced at first, then slow way down.
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Silentcook » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:36 am

Riakai wrote:"Shut up Kun!"
The point being made here is that the -kun suffix is a Japanese honorific commonly used for (among other things) friendly nicknames and mascots, so you have both an unlikely abbreviation and a source of puns, both straight-language and cross-language, massive enough to make my head hurt.
Riakai wrote:autocorrect
You're doing it wrong. ಠ_ಠ
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:46 am

Silentcook wrote:
Riakai wrote:"Shut up Kun!"
The point being made here is that the -kun suffix is a Japanese honorific commonly used for (among other things) friendly nicknames and mascots, so you have both an unlikely abbreviation and a source of puns, both straight-language and cross-language, massive enough to make my head hurt.
Riakai wrote:autocorrect
You're doing it wrong. ಠ_ಠ
Oboy.
I didn't even think of that...
WHAT HAVE I DONE.

And I have autocorrect on because all of the hills 'n' shiet. My mom, the driver, made sure to hit... Every. Single. Bump.
So, often times I'd try to type "She says" and I'd end up typing "Dhe zays"
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:53 am

Bluetooth keyboard. You can get quite good ones nowadays.

Or use the Camera Connection Kit with a USB keyboard. I've seen some hilarious examples of IBM terminal keyboards (122 keys, 9.3 pounds) converted to USB and then interfaced to iPads and iPhones that way.

(I usually do my writing either on an Apple //c running AppleWorks 3.0 (I don't even have a dictionary for the spellchecker, and forget about autocorrect) or on Google Drive on my Mac, though.)
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:18 pm

bhtooefr wrote:Bluetooth keyboard. You can get quite good ones nowadays.

Or use the Camera Connection Kit with a USB keyboard. I've seen some hilarious examples of IBM terminal keyboards (122 keys, 9.3 pounds) converted to USB and then interfaced to iPads and iPhones that way.

(I usually do my writing either on an Apple //c running AppleWorks 3.0 (I don't even have a dictionary for the spellchecker, and forget about autocorrect) or on Google Drive on my Mac, though.)
I plan on eventually getting one of dem, as well as a paid drawing app and a stylus~
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" Chapter 2

Post by Mader Levap » Sat Nov 30, 2013 6:45 pm

Riakai wrote:After that hilarious ordeal, everyone
Everyone what?
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:35 pm

Mader Levap wrote:
Riakai wrote:After that hilarious ordeal, everyone
Everyone what?
Dahell... It must've messed up, I had a sort of time passer thingy there .-.
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[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:38 pm

Glad to see I'm not the only one who writes on a iPad XD but I decided it wasn't best for grammatical reasons :lol: but I enjoy the path the route is taking.
Wahahaha~.
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:54 pm

monkeywitha6pack wrote:Glad to see I'm not the only one who writes on a iPad XD but I decided it wasn't best for grammatical reasons :lol: but I enjoy the path the route is taking.
I only write on this thing on trips, I prefer computer typing.
My iPad's nice, but...
-Grammar/spelling issues
-Text size (The chapter I wrote today looks like it's gi-fucking-normous, but it's the shortest g'damn chapter yet.)
-Slower
-Formatting is a pain in the arse.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Sat Nov 30, 2013 11:58 pm

The small text makes it a lot harder to notice the grammar spelling and on top of that spellcheck fails :lol:
Wahahaha~.
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Sun Dec 01, 2013 12:34 pm

monkeywitha6pack wrote:The small text makes it a lot harder to notice the grammar spelling and on top of that spellcheck fails :lol:
Yeeeeeeeeep, hence why I hate using the iPad.
q-p
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by AnathRaema » Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:25 am

I have just about dick-all to add constructively, so I'm just going to tell you that so far, it's looking pretty good. If not a bit short, though that's not a problem.
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Re: "Fits of Many Varieties" a Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Post by Riakai » Tue Dec 03, 2013 4:05 pm

AnathRaema wrote:I have just about dick-all to add constructively, so I'm just going to tell you that so far, it's looking pretty good. If not a bit short, though that's not a problem.
Don't worry, my chapters will all be the size of the two released chapters combined from here on out. Aiming to have at least 5k-7.5k words minimum from now on.

Also making use of in depth Chapter Outlines from here on out, instead of wingin' it from basic notes.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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