OC "Neko" - Route [reconsidered]

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NekoDude
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OC "Neko" - Route [reconsidered]

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:01 am

This was my first -- and last -- attempt at fan fiction. I'll leave this to the experts from now on, since that is apparently all that is welcome to a voice here. Thanks for putting up with me as long as you did.
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:04 am

[snip]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:05 am

[snip 2]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:09 am

[snip 4]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:32 am

[snip 4.5 or something]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:35 am

[snip 5]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:43 am

[snip 6]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:44 am

[snip 7]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Nov 02, 2013 5:01 am

Okay, you write that she has a hook for a hand which makes me instantly think of the eponymous captain from Peter Pan. Then you write that it's opening and closing, so it's definitely something different... A claw? Anyway that's a part where you should add some more detail.
In general the description of the main character is something that should be done in-story.
I'm also not quite sure what kind of condition could cause her to have that much trouble navigating stairs and still enable her to outpace Hisao on level ground...
Otherwise it seems to be an interesting story with a fresh and (so far) not-Mary-Sueish OC.

Oh, and converting beween Meters and Hertz is not exactly rocket science. They're both metric units ;-)
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 5:31 am

[snip 8]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:40 am

Original text of this post: http://bhtooefr.org/pb/38

<snipping criticism about a sentence that no longer exists - and neko is Japanese for cat, in case anyone doesn't know, and was relying on my post to know that>

<snipping stuff related to amateur licensing and an Americanism that slipped in - relevant link to how the license classes work in Japan: http://www.jarl.or.jp/English/2_Outline/A-2-3.htm - and for those interested in the US equivalents, http://www.arrl.org/getting-licensed is a good place to get started>

(And I have got to get around to actually upgrading to General, I know I'm comfortable with the material...)

<snipping stuff relating to Yamaku's club call sign - here's Japan's call sign rules: http://www.motobayashi.net/callsign/enigma/index.html>

<snipping stuff relating to foreign operation in Japan>

73 de KD8KXK.
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:51 am

[snip 9]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:55 am

[snip 10]
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by Silentcook » Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:19 am

Basing characters on real people can be kinda risky, in the "You wrote me as a WHAT WHERE?!" sense. I just hope you have taken this kind of pitfall into account.

Writing about personal experiences too directly can get on the brink of author self-insert. Overall, I wonder why you even felt it necessary to mention these two things.

Character info sheet is meh. I understand your reasoning, but you should just have kept it to yourself and sent it to interested parties since it's extremely likely you'll need to discuss stuff via PM anyway.

Concerning the holy technical info, Batman, I'll cite something which was said to Hawking when he was writing "A Brief History of Time": "the amount of your readers will be halved for every formula in the book". Hawking left E = mc² in his book, deciding that he could afford to have half the amount of readers and hoping it would not go quite that badly.From this two things clearly follow: one, there's more than a bit of Miki in all of us. Two, you should read that book NOW because it's awesome. :3
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Re: OC "Neko" - Route

Post by NekoDude » Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:32 am

[snip 11]
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