bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

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bhtooefr
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bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:05 am

Decided to create a thread for any one-shots and drabbles I post, that don't fit into a longer story arc that I'm working on.

Table of Contents
  • Bloighdich - Hanako bad-end continuation drabble, Lilly POV
  • Propulsion - Emi bad-end continuation drabble, Emi POV
  • Gravity - Kenji end continuation drabble, Miyagi (class 3-2 homeroom teacher) POV
  • Sìol-ghinidh - Lilly bad-end continuation drabble, Akira POV
  • Stacks - Hanako x OC 2-part one-shot with a twist, Hanako POV
  • MALFUNCTION 54 - Shizune bad-end continuation drabble, narrator POV, trigger warning: character death
  • A Little Push - Lilly good-end epilogue one-shot, multiple POV, trigger warning: character death
  • Ribbons and Ties - Akira POV retelling of Pajamas and Suits from Lilly's route
Last edited by bhtooefr on Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:36 pm, edited 9 times in total.
bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread
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Bloighdich

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:06 am

“I hate Lilly, and I… I hate you more than anyone…!”

With those words, our little disabled family was destroyed.

I never forgave Hisao for what he did to Hanako. Worse, I never forgave myself for it.

As I had no more business in Japan, I answered my parents’ summons. I thought it would help me rebuild my birth family, but Akira was right about them.

I’ve lost both of my families.

I hear a train approaching, and prepare to jump.

“Lilly, what the hell are you doing?” Akira holds me back.

I was wrong. I do have a family.

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Last edited by bhtooefr on Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:24 am

I like this. I have thought as well that in Hanako's bad-end route, Lilly would choose to stay with her parents. Also, given her nature of avoiding conflict, she would probably wear a false smile right until the end.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:12 am

Honestly, I don't actually have a headcanon for that one.

There's at least one fic I liked that uses HisaoxLilly post-Hanako bad end to great effect. In that case, I could definitely see Lilly staying with Hisao in Japan, given the right circumstances.

But, I don't think I've seen any fics that explore what would happen if Lilly held it against Hisao (or even went mother bear on him), which I see as a very plausible reaction for her, so I decided to do this.
bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by Guest Poster » Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:49 am

But, I don't think I've seen any fics that explore what would happen if Lilly held it against Hisao (or even went mother bear on him), which I see as a very plausible reaction for her, so I decided to do this.
I dunno. Lilly has the tendency to hog people's burdens and try to shoulder as many of them as she can. Since Hanako's bad-end breakdown covered both mistakes by Hisao and by Lilly, I'd be extremely surprised if Lilly blamed Hisao for something that she also played a slight role in. More likely would be for her to shoulder her own blame and take some of Hisao's for good measure. I can't see her trying to push the result of her own mistakes onto Hisao's shoulders.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:02 am

I don't think she would go the mother bear route. However, I could see Lilly succumbing to parental pressure to remain in Scotland without resolving things with Hisao and Hanako (especially if she feels that she's the one that messed up.) From that point, I could imagine that it would go "not having a chance to forgive" to "not forgiving at all" in a mind tormented by self-blame.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by Helbereth » Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:50 am

This doesn't quite seem like a complete fic, though. It's more like a blurb one might write as a basis for a larger story.

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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Oct 19, 2013 3:20 pm

Guest Poster wrote:Lilly has the tendency to hog people's burdens and try to shoulder as many of them as she can. Since Hanako's bad-end breakdown covered both mistakes by Hisao and by Lilly, I'd be extremely surprised if Lilly blamed Hisao for something that she also played a slight role in. More likely would be for her to shoulder her own blame and take some of Hisao's for good measure. I can't see her trying to push the result of her own mistakes onto Hisao's shoulders.
On the flip side, look at how she handled the situation with Shizune. She had a part to blame in it (a very slight part, yes, but one that Shizune actually magnified), but actually put almost the full blame on Shizune for a while. And it even angered her enough that she lost her composure just thinking about Shizune.
Oscar Wildecat wrote:I don't think she would go the mother bear route. However, I could see Lilly succumbing to parental pressure to remain in Scotland without resolving things with Hisao and Hanako (especially if she feels that she's the one that messed up.) From that point, I could imagine that it would go "not having a chance to forgive" to "not forgiving at all" in a mind tormented by self-blame.
Honestly, I could see that, too. Hear about it from Hisao, proceed to avoid both of them with her self-esteem falling to dangerously Hanakoesque levels. Or, worse, try to make it better, and then get a SECOND Hanako bad ending, and maybe even a variant on a third with Hisao playing the part of Hanako, too.

That said, Hisao did directly disregard Lilly's advice, which turned out to be completely correct, so she'll at least know at some level that he's to blame. And, given that her relationship with Hanako is rather, ah, motherly... really, I could see it going several different ways.
Helbereth wrote:This doesn't quite seem like a complete fic, though. It's more like a blurb one might write as a basis for a larger story.
I agree 100%, but I'm playing with small stuff right now, because I need to get practice getting my point across concisely. I do think this one has a lot of room to expand (either using this as a starting point (possibly for a fix fic, or for showing how the characters deal with their lives apart) or as part of an ending, or maybe as a midpoint in something), but last time I jumped on an idea for a long story, it didn't work nearly as smoothly as I thought it would.
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Propulsion

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:09 pm

"Never look back. Keep moving forward."

I tell myself that every day. Sometimes, it actually works. Like when I studied to become a physical therapist. Or when I won the gold in London.

But right now, I'm looking back at the mistakes I made at Yamaku.

I was too afraid of losing Hisao like I lost my father. I was too busy looking back, not moving forward. So, I pushed him away, and lost him.

It's been seven years, but maybe... maybe I can fix this, and move forward.

I grab my phone.

"Hisao, it's Emi. I wanted to apologize."

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Last edited by bhtooefr on Wed Oct 23, 2013 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:28 pm

And, yes, I know this one looks like the start of a story, too, before anyone mentions that. (Honestly, if anyone DOES want to use one of these as the basis for a fic, I'd be honored.)

Some things I couldn't get to work in the actual drabble:
  • The physical therapist thing was Nurse's idea.
  • I don't think she dated anyone seriously after Hisao. She's a very sexual person, but she would have been terrified about letting anyone that close. Many one-night stands, yes. Actual dating, no. (She justified this to herself as being too busy with simultaneous studies and Paralympic training.)
  • I'm actually not sure how she has his phone number. She would've had it when they were dating at Yamaku, but I think she would've deleted it. Maybe they have professional connections. Maybe even some contrived "they both work at Yamaku now" scenario. Or maybe she just remembered it.
Re: the ending... take it how you wish. I left it open-ended on purpose.

I think I'm ending up on a bad ending aftermath drabble theme here. I will say, however, that I almost certainly will not do a Lilly bad end drabble (and definitely not from Hisao, Hanako, or Lilly's POV), as Developments has defined my headcanon of the Lilly bad end aftermath. (Seriously, read it, it is amazing.)
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by Sea » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:00 pm

I like these.
Your table on contents system is the best I've seen, and these are great prompts that might get other people writing. (hopefully)
Keep them up, unique things are had to come by.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:27 pm

I'll share some tips on how to build a good table of contents system, then. I didn't have the link to return to the TOC on Like Fire and Powder, due to the different nature of it (being chapters of the same story), but it shows how the system works on multiple forum pages.

The trickiest part of doing it right is not to use the URI the forum sends you to after posting. That link will have the post number specified twice; once as a parameter to viewtopic.php (changing the resource being referred to), and once as a fragment identifier.

For instance, with your post, the URI that you would've been sent to after posting would be: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 42#p182142

However, because your post is on the first page, http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=9087#p182142 is also valid. If you load the first page directly, and right click the post title and copy the address, that's the address you'll get. (If it weren't on the first page, it would have something like "&start=15" (which is what this forum uses for page 2) immediately before the #.)

The advantage of doing it this way is that readers only have to load the page once for each link that's on the same page. Saves bandwidth, CPU cycles, and time.

There is an advantage to the &p=182142 system - if page numbers change, it won't break. However, I only foresee that becoming an issue if posts are deleted.
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by dewelar » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:58 pm

I like your idea of a group of drabbles with a theme. I'd especially like to see someone pick up and run with the one you wrote for Emi, as I don't think I've ever seen a quality post-bad-end Emi fic.

As for the TOC system you've got...my knowledge of HTML is extremely limited, so I'm not sure what, if anything, I'd gain if I were to use it for my story. Feel free to PM me with the explanation rather than cluttering up the thread :) .

And...thanks for the shout-out :o .
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by griffon8 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:02 pm

dewelar wrote:I'd especially like to see someone pick up and run with the one you wrote for Emi
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Re: bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread

Post by bhtooefr » Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:26 pm

Lilly didn't. *rimshot*

Might take a while before the next one's up, as I'm trying and failing to beat it into submission. Think I need to change what I'm doing with it, as I either have to go OOC or longer than 100 words to get it right.

Hanako POV, especially when trying to follow Hanako's Story's style to an extent for Hanako's thoughts, is a REAL word burner (Hanako seems to describe things in a very wordy way, which doesn't work in a drabble), but not using Hanako POV for this needs even more exposition, burning even MORE words, and not giving enough room for character development or anything resembling a plot.
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