Inner Peace

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Loeloe95
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Inner Peace

Post by Loeloe95 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 12:35 pm

So this is my first ever real crack at "fanfiction" I mean I have wrote things before, but never any real fanfiction, just plain old fiction. So please be easy on me I am new to this ;) This is just a short one shot thing, I doubt I will expand upon this in any way.
This story was never really anything till I had the idea for it. I mean I had the blank slate, I had the beginning part already written, it just never had an end, or a point. Until I came up with this idea of mine.
I hope you like it. If not tell me why I guess.




The wind blows through the trees, swaying the branches in a gentle caress. The birds sing their love song, as the whistling of the wind adds to the lovely tune.

While the bee’s buzz happily along doing their duty with fervor unimaginably intense, the sound of their wings adding yet another element to the song being made. Happily along do the bees fly, to flower, to flower working away oblivious to their surroundings.

Content with their life, the ants do march doing their duty for queen and colony.
As the grass sways with the elegance of a ball room dancer, swaying in the wind, as if singing the song being made around them. Yet tall and regal do the golden stalks stand; swaying side to side as if saying united here we stand.

All the while a girl dressed in white spins madly in the middle of it all. She tries her best to take in all the beauty of nature right in front of her eyes. Long flowing purple hair flying madly around, her as she dances. Her laughter and mirth adding to the sweet song that is all around her. As she dances happily oblivious to the world, rain clouds roll in, pouring at an ever increasing tempo, and yet adding even more to the wonderful music all around her.

And there she dances, content and oblivious to the world.

… “Wh?”..... “What is wrong with her?”

“What is up with her face?”

“Is she even human?”

“I doubt it, I mean look at it!”

“Should we go get help?”

“No it’s just disgusting Ikezawa.”

“Yeah leave her like this, she is just a disgusting freak!”

In the middle of the crowd sits a girl tears falling down her face, eyes clamped tightly shut, trying to desperately block out the world, frozen in place on the steps in which she fell.

“All right everyone break it up, break it up, nothing to look at here.”

“Aww but sir we were just having fun with it!”

“Leave now! All of you”

As the crowd disperses the man come’s over to the girl on the steps.

“Hey honey you okay?”

“Hey Hanako?”

“Hanako?

“Hanako talk to me!”

Yet the girl just sits, because while on the outside she is crying, on the inside she is dancing.



I wanted to really tackle the whole find your happy place that I am sure she has been taught to do. I mean I have been, and I think we all have been. And I just really felt like visualizing it. Putting it to words so to speak.... I'll just stop talking now.
Last edited by Loeloe95 on Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Favorite girls Rin=Lilly>Misha=Hanako=Emi>Shizune
Favorite Routes Lilly>Rin=Emi>Hanako>Shizune

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Comrade
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Comrade » Wed Sep 11, 2013 12:54 pm

you wrote:To flower too flower
What?
Anyway, I like the idea of hanako inside her own "happy place", and it makes you wonder how hard her life must've been.
You should put more spacing between the lines, makes it easier to read.
Do you wish to submit it to the archive?
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Loeloe95
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Loeloe95 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:10 pm

Comrade wrote:
you wrote:To flower too flower
What?
Anyway, I like the idea of hanako inside her own "happy place", and it makes you wonder how hard her life must've been.
You should put more spacing between the lines, makes it easier to read.
Do you wish to submit it to the archive?
Right yeah sorry, guess I should have put up the disclaimer I am rather stupid when it comes to grammar... Weird for a writer so I hear.

It really does, not enough stories seem to put enough emphasis on it. On how truly broken, yet impossibly strong she is because of it. I mean her parents death was horrible, but what really made her broken was the bullying. At least in my eyes, if she would have had people there for her at the beginning she would have turned out so much better.

Fair enough. Sorry. I'll fix it :)

Umm sure? I am kinda stupid so I will probably get the formatting and what have you wrong.
Favorite girls Rin=Lilly>Misha=Hanako=Emi>Shizune
Favorite Routes Lilly>Rin=Emi>Hanako>Shizune

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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Comrade » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:38 pm

Much better now, but I'm reading it on mobile so it could be diffrent for others.
I would like it if you submit it in the thread itself.
Last edited by Comrade on Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
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Silver
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Silver » Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:05 am

Now I've got Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself stuck in my head...

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TacticalBacon
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by TacticalBacon » Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:08 am

One of the most interesting takes on what's happening in hanako's head when she's having an episode

9/10 Good read
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Loeloe95
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Loeloe95 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 12:40 pm

Silver wrote:Now I've got Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself stuck in my head...
Haha... Umm... Opps?

TacticalBacon wrote:One of the most interesting takes on what's happening in hanako's head when she's having an episode

9/10 Good read
Thank you for reading and enjoying. If I am honest my original plan was this for to be for Rin. Glad I went with Hanako.
I am honestly surprised I didn't get run out of the fanfiction area for my terrible writing. :P



Anyway I am thinking of writing maybe another short (longer this time XD) to do with Hanako before she ever came to Yamaku. A story less inside her head than this one, more just how she coped. Anyway It's not a promise or anything, I would just like to know if people would want to see something like that. :?: (This isn't breaking the rules is it?)
Favorite girls Rin=Lilly>Misha=Hanako=Emi>Shizune
Favorite Routes Lilly>Rin=Emi>Hanako>Shizune

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Re: Inner Peace

Post by Comrade » Thu Sep 12, 2013 12:51 pm

Good luck
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
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dewelar
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Re: Inner Peace

Post by dewelar » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:03 pm

Loeloe95 wrote:Anyway I am thinking of writing maybe another short (longer this time XD) to do with Hanako before she ever came to Yamaku. A story less inside her head than this one, more just how she coped. Anyway It's not a promise or anything, I would just like to know if people would want to see something like that. :?: (This isn't breaking the rules is it?)
Yeah, it kind of is. This would come under the heading of "dangling the prospect of future writing in front of the audience". I think it's safe to say that anything KS-related is something some segment of people here would want to see, so there's no need to ask :) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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