Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Development Halted]

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by dewelar » Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:35 pm

I have to agree with Fc360. I wasn't sold on the first couple of chapters, but I'm definitely seeing a lot of improvement in the more recent ones. Nice job. I'll save my judgment on whether the ending works or not until I see where it goes :) .

Also, I know what you mean about reading your own work. I'm lucky enough to have someone to whom I can read my chapters to before posting -- if I didn't, I would be forever going over my stuff, changing little things here and there, and I'd probably have given up a dozen chapters ago.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Blossom - Chapter Seven: Running Late [Part Two]

Post by Req » Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:39 pm

Numb wrote:before Miki holds her hands up
I... just couldn't help myself. :lol:

from one Miki writer to another, having someone proofread and edit your stuff really is a blessing. :P

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Re: Blossom - Chapter Seven: Running Late [Part Two]

Post by Numb » Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:49 pm

Req wrote:
Numb wrote:before Miki holds her hands up
I... just couldn't help myself. :lol:

from one Miki writer to another, having someone proofread and edit your stuff really is a blessing. :P
I spent a few minutes deciding if I wanted to point out her stump here actually, but I think Hisao is at the point in friendship where he doesn't realise it's missing anymore :lol:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by Joonwoo » Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:13 am

Please please please don't make Kenta rape Hisao xD
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by Fc360 » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:52 am

Joonwoo wrote:Please please please don't make Kenta rape Hisao xD
Hahahaha that would be kinda interesting to see but doubt Numb would put something like that in lol

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by Hoitash » Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:04 am

Y'know, it might be because I'm reading A Farewell to Arms, but you seem to have a bit of a Hemingway influence in your writing, which is kinda cool.

You had a rocky start, but you seem to have worked through it; good job, man. The festival should prove very intriguing.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by Numb » Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:07 pm

Hoitash wrote:Y'know, it might be because I'm reading A Farewell to Arms, but you seem to have a bit of a Hemingway influence in your writing, which is kinda cool.

You had a rocky start, but you seem to have worked through it; good job, man. The festival should prove very intriguing.
That's interesting, as I have never read any of Hemingway's material. Either way, it's good to know my writing is similar to that of one of the great writers :lol:

I agree completely about the rocky start though. As the very first post states, I posted this on a whim because I knew if I didn't then I would never be inspired to finish it. Hell, I've already had something done for me as a reward for finishing the first act, which you will see at the beginning of Act Two! I'm just glad I made that decision to post this when I did, this is the piece to break my "writer's virginity", to escape short stories :D
Last edited by Numb on Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 03/10/2013]

Post by Parliament » Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:47 pm

Dude, this recently has been fucking good work.
I don't post much here any more but I just wanna drop in to let you know that you're improving rapidly and this Miki pseudo route is one of the few fics I check for updates every few days.

Thanks for writing mate!
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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Re: Blossom - Chapter Eight: Yamaku Festival [Part One]

Post by Numb » Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:15 am

This is the chapter you have all been waiting for! It's a long one, I have a LOT planned for it, so this post is just the pre-event morning. Enjoy :D
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The cold water from the shower makes me flinch as I step in. It’s still early, people outside are probably setting up for the event, but I shouldn’t even be awake. I have two hours to kill before meeting Miki.

I managed to avoid a meeting with Kenji when I walked past his room, but now that I need something to do, I’m actually considering confronting him. Maybe he has something planned for today.

I step out and grab a towel, shaking my hair and patting it down. That one strand continues to defy gravity, taunting me as I try to flatten it. After five minutes, I give up. I step out of the puddle I have created and dry the remaining moisture before pulling on my uniform.

Back in my room, I decide to dress up a little, grabbing an argyle sweatervest from my wardrobe, pulling it on and removing my tie. It’s early enough to justify eating breakfast, so I step out ino the hall. Light spills from under Kenji’s door, and yet again my curiosity gets the better of me.

I knock, drawing loud clunking sounds from inside with a surprised yelp. A loud thump and a “Dammit…” muttered under his breath later, I hear the oddly familiar sound of an array of locks being undone.

“Who is it?”

“Aren’t you supposed to ask that before opening the door?”

“Oh, it’s you. Sup man?” He thrusts his hand out, but I sidestep it.

“Just wondering what you’re going to do today, everyone’s setting up.” Kenji leaps back, instantly paler than his usual white self, something I didn’t think was possible.

“What?! Who’s setting up, what’s happening?! Is today the day? I’m not ready!”

“What? No, it’s the festival. What did you think was happening? You know what, spare me the details. I’m going for breakfast, you wanna come?” Why did I ask that?

“Hell no man! I gotta prepare, there are people outside… socialising!” He whispers the last part into the air beside me. He honestly looks like he would rather hide in a fort, which I imagine he already has constructed, than spend the day outside.

“You know what? Fine, go sit in your little fort or something, I’m hungry. Just try to enjoy yourself, alright?” I pat him on the shoulder, trying to bring him to his senses. If he has any that is.

“Fine. Just know this, if things start to go down, I’ll be hiding on the roof. Make sure nobody follows you, got it? And lose the vest, it looks dumb.” He retreats back into his room, leaving me fiddling with the collar of my vest. What does he know about fashion, he’s blind!

I make my way out of the dormitory buildings and take in the morning sun. People around me are either, like me, on their way to the cafeteria for breakfast or rushing around making sure everything is ready for the event. There are a few people I recognise managing one of the stalls, probably the one our class is running. One of them notices me and waves, but neither of us initiate conversation.

I make my way across the grounds, taking in the sights. The festival is pretty big, banners and stalls line almost every path, some selling fried food, some are games with prizes. I reach the main entrance and make my way inside to the cafeteria.

It’s relatively empty, most of the student body are outside helping finalise everything. It makes me feel a little guilty, I haven’t done anything to help with festival preparations in the week I’ve been here. Even yesterday I skipped out on Shizune and Misha for my run.

I grab something to eat and look for somebody I know, eating alone isn’t something I want to do. Just as I’m about to sit down, Emi crashes into the cafeteria. I wave her over and she sits in the seat opposite me.

“Morning Emi, you seem happy.”

“Of course I do Hisao! It’s the festival! Aren’t you happy?” She shouts it, breaking into Misha mode. It’s a little jarring.

“Sure, but it’s early. My plans don’t start until lunchtime anyway, so there isn’t too much to be shouting about. Come on, have some breakfast or something.” Emi just stares at me, confused.

“Early? Breakfast? Hisao, did you forget the old running schedule already? This isn’t early. I already ate anyway, I just needed somewhere to relax, people try to recruit your help out there.”

“Makes sense, but why the cafeteria if you aren’t going to eat anything? I get the feeling you saw me coming here and followed me.” Emi looks at me with the same puppy dog eyes she used when we first met. “Hey, stop that.”

“Alright, maybe I did. I don’t have anyone to spend the day with today, Rin has to stay by her mural. The art teacher brought some people in to look at it or something, but I can’t sit still for a whole day!”

“Well you can’t come with me today, I’m going with Miki and Kenta. I don’t want you two fighting again. Hey, shouldn’t you be taking it easy anyway? That leg-“ Emi glares at me, telling me I shouldn’t bring it up. “Anyway, you have plenty of friends! I’ve seen you talking to them after classes.”

“Hisao, those aren’t friends, just people from my class. Come on, you must know somebody I can spend the day with!”

“Well Shizune and Misha are ‘inspecting’,” I make air quotes around the word to emphasise my point. “the stalls. I don’t know about any other girls though.”

“Eeeehhh, they don’t have to be girls Hisao.”

Kenji. No, I can’t, can I? I just recently salvaged things between us as friends, I can’t go ruin things by sending Emi to the roof, she’d hate me. I suggest it anyway.

“You mean that blind nut-job Setou? No way! I’ll just find Shizune and Misha, better somebody I can talk to then someone who would probably shove me off the roof.” Emi bounds out, probably offended I even suggested Kenji. I hope she enjoys herself, she needs to relax.

I finish my breakfast and glance at my watch. It’s about noon, so I pick myself up and head to the girls dorms. Miki should be awake by now, she won’t mind if I pick her up early I hope.

Outside, Rin is sitting against her mural. Her eyes are closed, but I can’t tell if she’s sleeping or not. I pass her and walk inside, making my way to Miki’s room. A few girls stand in the stairwell, chatting and giggling about one thing or the next.

I knock on Miki’s door, quietly. I want her to hear me, but I don’t want to wake her up. After a few seconds, the door opens, and I see Miki standing in a pink bathrobe. She moves to cover herself more, but I just laugh.

“Hisao! I said meet at lunch! I have to get ready, go wait in Suzu’s room or something. She’s awake, reading or something. Go! Let me change!” She shuts the door in my face, leaving me in hysterics. Composing myself, I turn to Suzu’s room, where the door is already open. She must have heard Miki and left it open for me to just come in.

I knock as I enter anyway, just to let her know I’m coming in. She looks up from her book, smirking.

“Did you enjoy the view Hisao?”

“Come on, do we really need to have this conversation again?” Suzu just sighs, clearly bored with my response, and turns back to her book. I sink into a beanbag, looking through a few pieces of paper on the floor. More poetry. “You really write a lot, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I like it. Makes giving people gifts easier too, since writing doesn’t cost anything. You still want me to teach you some time?”

“Maybe. I’m still not sure what I want to do, I’ll come back if I can’t find a club.” Interested though I may be, I’m not sure if writing is something I would be good at.

“Alright then, suit yourself. Girls love a guy who can write by the way, just letting you know…” She turns back to her book, feigning deafness to anything I would have in response. I look back to her poetry, looking for any deeper messages. I can’t find anything.

“How do you even start writing anyway?”

“You find your voice. It’s hard, but once you find it you can do anything.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next
Feedback, blargle schnargle, whatever. You know the drill :lol:
Last edited by Numb on Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - Chapter Eight: Yamaku Festival [Part One]

Post by Fc360 » Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:47 am

Numb wrote: I knock on Miki’s door, quietly. I want her to hear me, but I don’t want to wake her up. After a few seconds, the door opens, and I see Miki standing in a pink bathrobe. She moves to cover herself more, but I just laugh.

“Hisao! I said meet at lunch! I have to get ready, go wait in Suzu’s room or something. She’s awake, reading or something. Go! Let me change!” She shuts the door in my face, leaving me in hysterics. Composing myself, I turn to Suzu’s room, where the door is already open. She must have heard Miki and left it open for me to just come in.

I knock as I enter anyway, just to let her know I’m coming in. She looks up from her book, smirking.

“Did you enjoy the view Hisao?”
Hahaha love that bit :)

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 05/10/2013]

Post by Hoitash » Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:49 am

I guess Hisao's used to Miki's huge... tracts of land at this point to not be distracted by the sexy :).

...I'm sorry, I had to say it. I'll go over there, now.

Nice update, but I can't help but wonder how a Kenji/Emi scene would play out.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 05/10/2013]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Oct 05, 2013 5:46 pm

“Hisao! I said meet at lunch! I have to get ready, go wait in Suzu’s room or something. She’s awake, reading or something. Go! Let me change!”
Last time she just threw a towel over his head while changing ;-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 05/10/2013]

Post by Numb » Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:04 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
“Hisao! I said meet at lunch! I have to get ready, go wait in Suzu’s room or something. She’s awake, reading or something. Go! Let me change!”
Last time she just threw a towel over his head while changing ;-)
Last time there were night guards :wink:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - Chapter Eight: Yamaku Festival [Part Two]

Post by Numb » Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:17 pm

Looks like I'm getting my flow back, this one wrote itself again :D
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stand outside Miki’s room facing the wall, as per her command via shouting. She said something about a grand reveal, but she wouldn’t say what it was she was revealing. I hear the door behind me open, but don’t turn around.

“Alright Hisao, you can look!” I turn. She looks beautiful. Her hair wraps over her shoulder and down across her chest. Purple floral patterns dance across the dark fabric of her yukata, spreading from her shoulder and down her side, wrapping around her hips and down the opposite leg. “So? How do I look?”

“Amazing…” Is she trying to make me look bad? I thought a sweatervest was enough, but Miki stands before me like this. Hopefully I look better than Kenta.

“Now come on! I’m starving!” She grabs my hand and pulls me quickly down the stairs, outside and into the crowd.

“Where are we going?”

“I know a stall, they sell yakisoba. Hurry up, we need to beat the crowd if we want the good stuff!” She increases the pace again, but I somehow manage to keep up. She leads me half way across the grounds to a fairly large stall.

Steam rises from the kitchen area, accompanied by loud sizzling and shouting between the team running the stall. It smells great, and judging by the crowd behind us on their way here, it tastes even better.

“Hey Miki! Lookin’ good! Who’s the guy?” One of the chefs shouts out, waving a spatula at us.

“Oh shut up Masato! Just give us two servings, big ones!” The guy shrugs and pulls out some wooden bowls for us, filling them with as much food as he can. He hands us the bowls, resting Miki’s one on her wrist so she can eat and walk. I pay him and we leave, looking for a place to sit.

We settle on a spot in the shade under a tree, resting against the trunk. The food is really good, considering the price, so I have no trouble finishing the serving, despite how big it is.

“I don’t wanna move now Hisao… Can’t we leave Kenta at his stall?”

“…We could, but we shouldn’t. He’s expecting us, he might get worried if we don’t show up.” She sighs, realising that I’m probably right.

“You have a point… I could text him and tell him to meet us here. Where did I put my phone…” She fumbles around looking for it, eventually pulling it from underneath her.

“So how’s practice been? Other than yesterday anyway, you seemed to enjoy the time out of class.” Miki hands me her phone.

“Text Kenta, it’s annoying when I do it. Practice was alright, nothing amazing, just running. Hey, did I ever get your number?” I send Kenta a message telling him to meet us before scrolling through the contacts list. My name isn’t in here.

“Doesn’t look like it, I’ll add it in now,” I pull out my own phone and perform the number exchanging ritual of add-call-add. “done. You want any more of my private details so you can bug me whenever you want?”

“Idiot!” She punches me in the arm, laughing. “You never use your phone anyway, your only contacts are your parents, right?”

“Yeah, but maybe I’ll start using it now.”

“Having fun you two?” Kenta towers over us, made taller by the fact we are sitting down. He still wears the school uniform, probably from working the stall. Miki goes silent almost immediately, leaving me to answer.

“Yeah, we are. You wanna go change before we start doing stuff? We, uh, can’t really move. Ate too much.” He shoots Miki a disapproving glare.

“Not the yakisoba again? Miki, I’ve told you how bad that stuff is-“

“Kenta, it’s the festival. Loosen up a little, you know I can handle my junk food. Now go change, we need to make sure our legs work.” Miki attempts standing up, but has to grab the tree for support. Kenta heaves a sigh and walks off, leaving me with the impossible task of supporting Miki.

“Get up Hisao, help me out here!” She can hardly breathe through her laughter anymore. I push myself up to help her, but instead end up with a face full of grass. Miki tries to help me up, but before she can actually reach me, she falls down beside me.

“Well then. Teamwork?”

“Nope, this is fun! First one up get’s a free lunch tomorrow!” She pulls herself over to the tree. I sit up, rising slowly into a kneeling position. Come on, one leg at a time Hisao, you can beat her!

I grab Miki and pull her up, luckily managing to keep my balance.

“Damn, I owe you a lunch now… Come on, let’s walk a little, Kenta will probably call us idiots if we can barely stand when he gets back.” She holds on to my arm for support and we make our way down from the grass. A few trips back and forth like this is all it takes for me, but Miki clings to me even when Kenta returns.

“Alright, let’s go. Having fun there Miki?” She waves him off with her wrist, not daring to let go of me. We start walking slowly through the crowds, passing a few games and food stands without bothering ourselves with them. Kenta leads us to the stall he was running before. It sells energy drinks.

After grabbing a few, free of charge, we bump into Shizune, Misha and Emi.

“Wahahaha~! Having fun~ you three?” We all nod in unison, nobody feeling the need to say anything. “Great, great~! Thanks for inviting Emi to join us Hicchan~, she’s funny!”

“Oh, no problem Misha, figured you could use extra company. Hey Emi.” Emi nods at the three of us, probably trying to avoid a conflict. Shizune signs something, and Emi laughs. Has she learned some gestures in this short time?

“Shizune wants you to know the Student Council don’t need you anymore Hisao.”

“How did you know that? You don’t know sign, do you?” Emi frowns at me, clearly displeased at my accusations.

“I know enough! See?” She signs something, causing Shizune to smirk. “I just called you a dork!”

“So… Why do you know sign?”

“None of your business!” She signs something to Shizune, but whatever point she was making is lost when Shizune turns to Misha.

“Emi, you aren’t signing~, that doesn’t mean anything~! Wahahaha~!” Emi turns a deep red, shying away from the group. Surprisingly, Miki doesn’t say anything, and Misha turns to Kenta. “Ken-ta~! Why isn’t your boyfriend here~?”

“Misha, for the last time. I’m single.”

“Wahahaha~! Whatever you say~ Kenchan!” Shizune signs something, glancing at Miki while she does so. “Shicchan, she’s probably just tired~!” Shizune starts signing more furiously, pointing at my arm now.

“Misha, tell her that she’s just exhausted. We’ll tell you why some other time.” I nudge Miki, and she groans a little. “I’ll go take her to the nurse, Kenta, you can go have fun. I’ll see you all later.”

Pulling Miki away from the group and towards the auxilary building. She mutters something into my arm as we walk through the hallway to the nurses office, but I can’t decipher it. I knock on the door and enter, pulling Miki in with me.

“Nakai? Muira? Shouldn’t you two be enjoying the festival?” He looks at us, probably too casually for his profession. His legs are up on his desk and he swings his stethoscope around his finger.

“Yeah, we were, but Miki ate too much for lunch or something.” I pry her off of my arm and sit her on the bed. She hides her face behind her hair, looking down at her feet the entire time.

“Did you eat the yakisoba again Miki? You know that stuff makes you sick.” She remains silent. “Miki, come on, look at us. I can give you some indigestion tablets and you’ll still be able to enjoy the rest of the festival.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t know what I would say, even if I did talk, I’ve never seen Miki like this.

“Fine, give me the pills. Hisao, I don’t want to ruin your day, you can go with-“

“No. I’m staying with you. I’ve had fun today because of you, I want that to continue. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I wanted to stay with the others, I would just walk around with you on my arm all day.”

She looks surprised at my interruption, and I could swear I see some hesitation in her eyes. It fades, and she just smiles at me. That smile I like so much.

“…Alright. Wait outside, I’ll be out in a moment.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next
Feedback and other such comments welcome
Last edited by Numb on Wed Oct 09, 2013 7:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 06/10/2013]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Oct 06, 2013 5:14 pm

Somehow I'm trying to picture Miki in a Yukata and failing ;-)

Hmm. I've never eaten so much that I couldn't stand up or walk afterwards and I'm not as fit as Miki...

And one more nitpick:
He hands us the bowls, resting Miki’s one on her wrist so she can eat and walk. Miki pays him and we leave
She probably should pay before he balances the stuff on her wrist...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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