Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Development Halted]

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Numb
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 09/09/2013]

Post by Numb »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
I already have the pills in my room anyway, so it isn’t a problem. I know where you mean anyway, so it isn’t a problem.
I suggest rephrasing that to avoid the repetition.
“God Hisao, you are so dense. I was trying to say I need to see the nurse anyway, so we can go together. Can’t you pick up on the signs?”
Actually, she didn't say anything about visiting the nurse herself... But, oh my, is she moving fast...

Nice chapter. Everything is flowing quite well. Dialogue is entertaining. Keep up the good work.
Rephrased, didn't catch that one when I was reading this chapter back. This is why I like you guys, I am on my toes trying to hide mistakes :D
I agree, Miki is moving fast, but it should make sense for her character, she is a flirt after all. If she likes somebody, she can get them :lol:

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I feel like these chapters are getting better as I progress through the story, but that might be because I am actually aware of what I am doing when I write these now. I am taking a break from writing right now though, I need to finalise my notes before proceeding from this point, else my plot will be all twisted and broken and the curse will get me :shock:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 10/09/2013]

Post by Hanako Nakai »

Been reading this for a while now, just noticed that Miki's behavior somewhat is the same to one of the main girls... IMO she's like Shizune or Emi from what I've read, but that also explains Miki and Emi's rivalry.. In other words, Good work! And you're one step closer to breaking the curse.. Again. :lol:
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 10/09/2013]

Post by dewelar »

Interesting story so far. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned to make this a route and not just a Hisao-x-Miki story.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 10/09/2013]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

dewelar wrote:Interesting story so far. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned to make this a route and not just a Hisao-x-Miki story.
Yep. Conflict. Interesting conflict.
That's what sets a a truly good story apart from an average one - and for me it's the hardest thing to write in a story.
That's why planning ahead is so important. Good luck, and take your time.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 10/09/2013]

Post by TacticalBacon »

Maybe i shouldn't have read this while suzu is still near and dear to my heart
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Three: Switching Tracks [Part Two]

Post by Numb »

I spent a little extra time on this one trying to get the nurses dialogue right. Sorry for the delay, here it is!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ah, Nakai! What can I do for you today?”

The nurse is sitting behind his desk sipping coffee from an “I hate Mondays” mug. It isn't even Monday, but I imagine this is he drinks from this everyday.

“Uh, actually, I am waiting for somebody before we start. Is that fine?”

He looks at me over his computer with raised eyebrows. “Oh? Is something wrong?” His serious tone surprises me, until he says “I hope you didn’t get somebody pregnant Hisao, I don’t know how I would deal with that.”

“Oh shut up, I am not pregnant!” Miki has appeared, and just in time too. I was about to have a really awkward conversation with a medical professional, and I don’t want to deal with that now. “Actually, we are here with separate problems and a joint request.”

“Alright Miki, I’ll deal with Hisao first. Open your shirt up, I assume you want me to perform the usual checkup?” I nod at him, and he looks at Miki for a moment.

“Oh, uh, I don’t mind if she stays or not. I need to stop being so secretive about my heart anyway, so she might as well see I guess. You don’t mind, do you Miki?”

The nurse raises an eyebrow. What? I didn’t think this was that big of a deal. Until now. Don’t say anything Hisao, don’t give Miki something to tease you over. Do. Not Crack.

“Alright, open up Nakai, I can’t get to the chest through your shirt, can I?” Oh right. This damn button, why won’t it come out? Oh great, my hands are sweating. Come on Hisao, you can do this. There! Now, time for the rest-

“You know what, just lift it. I don’t have time to watch you struggle with buttons if Miki needs something too.”

Damn, they noticed it. Well, I might notice Miki struggle with something later. I lift the offending garment over my head and toss it over the back of a chair. Miki’s eyes widen when she sees my scar. I expected as much…

“Hisao, what is-“

“From the surgeries. They needed to get to my heart after my attack, so they cut me open and went in after it. Can we not talk about it though? Still not something I am comfortable with…”

An awkward silence fills the room. Miki and I look away from each other, and the nurse clears his throat as he presses the stethoscope to my chest. A few different expressions flash across his face, some good, some bad, but he has told me not to talk during these checkups. I will need to wait to ask him.

He finishes his inspection and stands back up, grinning at me. That’s a good sign, I think.

“Well Hisao, the good news is your heart is still there. The bad news is, it tells me you have been forgetting your medication. When was the last time you took them?”

“Well-“ That’s a good question actually. When was the last time I took my pills? I had missed the night before my first run with Emi, and I can’t remember taking them that morning either. Then there was last night, I couldn’t get them because I got trapped in Miki’s room, and they weren’t there for me to take this morning.
“I think it was three days ago…”

“Look, you need to be taking your medication more seriously Hisao. I don’t know what your reasons are, and frankly, I don’t care. What I care about is my job, and your health. If you don’t stick to your medication, then I can’t help you.” He has that strict tone, and a deeply furrowed brow. He means it, and I know he means it.

“I know, I will, I’ve just been busy settling in. Actually, we came here to talk about my exercise routine today. I’ll let you see-“

“What’s wrong with the routine? Is Emi pushing you too hard? I swear, that girl can be a real pain in the-“

“No! Nothing like that. It’s just that I would rather run with Miki at a later time, since I already know her. Mornings suck, I would rather run after class or something.”

Miki perks up now. She had been staring at my scar for a while, probably deep in thought wondering about my heart. Oddly, I don’t really mind that thought, I think I trust Miki enough to tell her about the hospital. I can’t tell her about Iwanako though…

“Ah, I see. Miki, you convinced Emi to let Hisao go? I’m impressed! Either way, I can’t really think of a good time slot for your runs… Unless Kenta wouldn’t mind letting him join you for practise?”

Kenta? Who is Kenta?

“Who is Kenta?”

“He’s on the track team Hisao. You’ll meet him tomorrow if I can convince him to let you run. Shouldn’t be too hard, he’s a pretty chill dude.”

“Great! So that’s that settled. Now Miki, you said you had something to see me about too?” I grab my shirt and pull it back over my head. That one button is still open, but I like it. My neck has some freedom to move now, so I leave it undone.

“Yeah, uh, Hisao. I kind of need some privacy for this… I know you just showed me your scar, but I can’t do this right now… sorry, but I just can’t. It still hurts…”

It still hurts? How can it still… It isn’t there to be hurt any more! I can’t help but feel cheated, I just bared a relic of my past, yet Miki can’t talk about something with the nurse while I am in the room?

“Oh… Uh, sure. Will you be long? I could go get our lunch or something…”

I fail to keep the disappointment out of my voice, and instantly feel like an ass. Why do I need to see her hand? It won’t make us any closer, and there isn’t some balance in our friendship that needs fixing. I flash her a grin, one I hope looks sincere.

“I should be out in a minute or two Hisao, wait by the door, alright? Besides, Misha is bringing the food.” She smiles back at me in a way that suggests my own grin worked. I nod, then leave her and the nurse to their business. After closing the door behind me, I notice Misha leaving the nearby dressing rooms with wet hair. She uses the pool?

“Hi hi~ Hicchan! I didn’t think I would see you~ here today! Is Miki in there right now?” She bounces over, sending water droplets crashing to the floor around her. Surely that is a safety hazard, somebody could slip and hurt themselves. When did I start caring so much about this kind of thing anyway?

“Oh, yeah, don’t know why though. Is this something that happens a lot, whatever it is?” I ask, hopefully Misha will be able to shed some light on this. I don’t know what kind of treatment there is for amputees at this stage other than checking for irritation, and I don’t imagine Miki gets a lot of that.

“Nope~! I can’t tell you that Hicchan~, Miki made me swear to secrecy~!” She places her hands firmly on her hips and gives a “Wahahaha~!”

Miki emerges from the nurses office. Has it been a few minutes already?

“Oh, hi Misha. Take Hisao to the usual spot, I gotta go put… You know, away? Anyway, I’ll be with you in about ten minutes, see you then!”

She runs off before I can even try to ask what she is talking about, and Misha is left waiting for me. I nod, and she leads us out of the nurses building and around the corner. There is a hill backing up to the brick walls of the building we were just in. The view here is pretty good, it looks over the quad. There are people playing with frisbees, a small group gathering around a guy with a guitar and a few different picnics.

I notice Miki on the other side, and she seems to be hiding something from people. Did she have anything when she left the nurses office? She ran off before I even got a good look at her.

“Hicchan?”

Oh right, I have company. “Yeah? Sorry, I was spacing out.”

“Wahahaha~! You do that a lot~! So what food do you want? I got veal cutlet~, chicken cutlet~ and curry bread!”

She managed to get the veal cutlet? That stuff is hard to grab, I haven’t had a chance to try it yet. “The veal I guess, haven’t had that yet. There’s never any left when I get to the cafeteria, so it must be good.”

She reaches into her bag and produces my food. It’s a little flattened, but it looks great. She tosses it over to me, and I stumble a bit trying to catch it.

“Wahahaha~! That was funny Hicchan! Should we wait for Miki~ before we start eating? Look, she is leaving the dorms now!” She waves, despite being too far away to notice, even with her amazingly distinct hair.

“Sure I guess. Oh, Misha, mind if I ask why you were at the pool? I didn’t know you even liked swimming, so I am kind of curious.” I scratch the back of my head, trying to itch that endless tickling in the back of my brain. Curiosity always gets the better of me.

“I used to swim before I came here Hicchan~, so I asked the nurse if I could practise there sometimes. Student Council work gets in the way sometimes~, but it’s good to relax. Why, did you want to join me~?” She winks at me and giggles. I think this is the first time I have seen her laugh quietly.

“No reason, and I can’t join you, sorry. Got a running routine already, I was just changing it actually, that’s why I was at the nurses office. I am running with Miki now.”

I don’t tell Misha my actual reason for visiting the nurse, or the reason I have to run in the first place. I don’t think I am comfortable with her knowing, one of the biggest gossips in school already knows.

“Hicchan~, I know about your heart already. I helped file the papers~! You don’t need to hide it from me~!”

Wait, she knew this whole time? She must be more trustworthy than I first thought, nobody else in the school seems to know. I think that makes her, Miki and the artist girl whos name I always forget. I wonder if Shizune knows too?

“Wait, you do? Have you told anyone? I don’t want people to know about it yet.”

“Don’t worry, nobody knows~! Hi Miki!”

Miki sits down beside me and Misha tosses her some curry bread. “Sup? Sorry about that, had to put some stuff away. So, we talking about how good we are at keeping secrets?”

“Yup! Hicchan didn’t even know I knew~! Wahahaha~!”

The girls spin off into their own conversation, so I take a bite of my cutlet. It’s pretty good, but it doesn’t live up to my expectations. The way people scramble to get it made me think it was of gourmet standard.

Something hits me on the back of the head, and I turn to see Miki looking away nonchalantly and Misha trying not to laugh. I check the grass behind me and see a small piece of folded paper. I pick it up and throw a weird look at the girls before opening it.

[Hey gaylord, we’re going to the city. You coming with or you just going to sit here dreaming all day? =3]

I sigh. I can tell it was Miki who wrote this, from both her handwriting and the ‘gaylord’ remark. That, and she is still trying to look innocent. Misha has broken at this point, and is struggling to breath through her laughter.

“Sure, why not? Skipping class to do something fun sounds good, but we should probably change or something.”

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Next
Feedback. Noticed mistakes. You know the drill :lol:
Last edited by Numb on Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:52 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Three: Switching Tracks [Part Two]

Post by Hanako Nakai »

Numb wrote: “Sure I guess. Oh, Misha, mind if I ask why you were at the pool? I didn’t know you even liked swimming, so I cam kind of curious.” I scratch the back of my head, trying to itch that endless tickling in the back of my brain. Curiousity always gets the better of me.
i think the first one should be "am" ? and Curiosity is spelled with an extra "u" in it..
But, all in all i must say this is something to wait for :D
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Three: Switching Tracks [Part Two]

Post by Numb »

Hanako Nakai wrote:
Numb wrote: “Sure I guess. Oh, Misha, mind if I ask why you were at the pool? I didn’t know you even liked swimming, so I cam kind of curious.” I scratch the back of my head, trying to itch that endless tickling in the back of my brain. Curiousity always gets the better of me.
i think the first one should be "am" ? and Curiosity is spelled with an extra "u" in it..
But, all in all i must say this is something to wait for :D
Fixed. Thanks, glad to hear people are following this thread, I feel like my writing is progressively improving with the story itself too :D
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
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Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Four: Cityscape [Part One]

Post by Numb »

This chapter was kind of an accident. When I write, I just kind of let things play out and flow without my input, and I somehow managed to add a city scene without having any notes for it. Enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I watch the countryside go by out of the bus window. Miki is sitting in the seat next to me, and Misha behind us, though none of us have anything to say.

This is Miki’s first time in the city too, so we both have to rely on Misha. I can see the edge of the city appearing just over the horizon. Miki notices me looking out the window and taps me on the shoulder to grab my attention.

“You look worried, everything alright?”

Damn, has it been showing? I am worried, I haven’t been to a city since my heart attack. I already get bumped around in the morning rush to get to class, I can’t imagine my heart will take the city huslte and bustle very well.

“Yeah, everythings fine, just a little concerned about… My heart. I have to be careful in crowds.”

She smiles, but it’s different that her usual grin. It’s almost like she is a different person. Maybe this is the real Miki? I return the gesture, hoping my smile looks sincere enough.

“Don’t worry about it so much, you own your body, your heart doesn’t. Lighten up and live a little Hisao!”

Something about her words hits me hard, I feel like I want to do something crazy. I want to prove I am in control, but how? I can’t do anything right now, so I just laugh. Hopefully this feeling passes before we get to the city.



The bus pulls up to the stop and we depart. This area of the city seems calm, though that is likely due to the lack of attractions. I don’t even see an office building on this street. Misha grabs hold of my arm and we start walking. I notice it isn’t just my arm she has a grip on, and Miki is trying to squirm out of her grasp.

“So~, where do you want to go? I think theres a few~ stores this way!”

I look at Miki. She has managed to escape Misha’s grip, so I try myself. Misha lets go of her own accord when I start twisting my arm in an attempt to break free, but she stops walking for a moment. Oh right, we didn’t answer her.

“I don’t really know, what is there to do in the city?” I hope Misha’s idea of a fun trip to the city doesn’t involve something like shoe shopping, or worse.

“Hmm… Well~ there’s a theatre over that way, but they only show American movies~! Then theres the arcade~ over there, and the shopping district is just a few minutes away~!”

The arcade sounds fun, but I don’t think the girls would enjoy it. I guess we could go watch something at the theatre, they usually have subtitles with foreign movies. I just don’t want to-

“Let’s go shopping Misha, I need some new clothes.” Dammit Miki! Well, time for a three hour shopping trip. I guess I could pick up a new shirt or some running shoes.

“Hicchan, let’s go~!”



Miki pulls me into yet another shoe store. It’s my own fault, I mentioned the running shoes to her and now she wants to help me buy good ones. Misha is in a small perfume place across the street. I don’t understand how anyone can breath in those places, I was gagging as soon as we walked in.

“How about these Hisao?” She stands next to the baby girls footwear section. The joke was funny the first time, but this is the third place we have tried. I shake my head and turn to look for the sportswear.

Ah, there it is. I grab Miki, who is currently incapacitated by her own joke despite having told it three times today, and head over. There are a few really expensive brands, none of them in my size. I let Miki pick out a pair, she knows much more about running gear than I do.

“Try these Hisao, they have gel cooling soles.”

“Gel cooling? What? Why would I need that?” Miki rolls her eyes at me, the same way she has every time she explains something about running to me.

“Your feet get hot when you run Hisao, and these double as shock absorbers. Try them, I have a pair like these back at Yamaku and they are great.”

I take the shoes from her and go try them on. They are a size too big, but she was right. These are pretty comfortable, and I feel the cooling gel working already. The design isn’t bad either, they are simple white trainers with a few black stripes along the side. Now, how much do they cost?

“Thirteen thousand yen?! I don’t have that kind of money Miki!”

“Hisao, look. They are on sale, that brings it down to about eight thousand. You can manage that, right? Hell, I’ll chip in if I need to!”

Eight thousand? That isn’t too bad I guess, I have payed more for shoes in the past, and Miki is willing to help me pay for them. Screw it, I can treat myself!

“Alright, let’s go ask if there are any in my size, these are too big.”

We track down an assistant and he takes the shoes away. I reach into my pocket to retrieve my wallet, but find nothing. I swear I had it earlier! Miki has started laughing behind me, and when I turn to face her she is waving my wallet in front of my face.

“Oh my god Hisao, your face! I need to take a picture, this is priceless!” She thrusts my wallet into my hands and quickly snaps her phone open to take a picture. I try to turn away, but it’s too late. She got it. “I have to send this to Misha!”

The assistant returns before I can try to grab her phone and delete the picture. I thank him for the shoes and we head to the payment desk. I count my money and find I have about five thousand yen.

“I need three thousand more Miki, I’ll pay you back somehow. You got enough?”

She reaches into her purse and produces a small wad of paper notes. It looks like enough, if it isn’t we can sort it out later. The line moves very slowly, there is an elderly gentleman trying to buy some sandals for somebody, his grandchild judging by the size of them.

“Damn, this guy is taking forever… Oh! He’s paying!” Miki has started a running commentary on the old mans actions, probably to keep herself entertained more than anything. I just wait patiently in the line as it moves forward.

We finally reach the payment desk, and I hand over the money for the shoes. Surprisingly, I am given change. I didn’t expect Miki to have given me enough money, but I give her the change as we walk out of the store.

“Uh… Where’s Misha? She said she would meet us here, right?”

Miki looks worried for a moment, but her eyes widen. I think she saw her. “Over there! I saw pink, that must be her!”

Miki tries to run to her, but I grab her arm. “We’re already separated from Misha, we don’t need both of us getting lost. Walk, no running today.”

She glares at me for a moment, and I let go of her. Whatever that was fades quickly and is quickly replaced by a grin. It scares me sometimes how quickly Miki can go from extremely angry to extremely happy.

“You’re right. Come on, let’s go!” She starts pulling my in the opposite direction, away from where she saw Misha. I hope she knows what she is doing.



“Well, now we really are lost. More time for us, I can call Misha and tell her where we are. Theres a café over there Hisao, let’s go get something!” She drags me across the street, narrowly avoiding pedestrians, and before I can object we are sat outside the café.

A waitress approaches us to take our order. I don’t feel hungry at the moment, so I just order some coffee. Miki goes all out and orders cake, coffee and a sandwich, making sure she gets her order to the exact standards she specifies. No tomato on the sandwich, extra milk in the coffee and sugar sprinlked over the cake.

Looking a little bit flustered, the waitress leaves to get us our food, and Miki flips her phone open. Resting it against her bandaged wrist, she navigates the contacts list until she finds Misha, and hits the call button.

“Hey Misha… No, we’re fine, we found a café… Oh, the name? Let’s see… Le Petit Rouge, some French place… Really, twenty minutes? Damn… Well, see you then! Bye!” She hangs up and turns back to me.

“So, twenty minutes huh?”

“Yup. How you liking Yamaku so far Hisao?”

Of all the things I thought Miki would say, I didn’t expect that to be one of them. I don’t even know my answer yet.

“Uh, I’m not sure… I haven’t joined any clubs or anything, so I don’t really have an opinion on that… Class is alright I guess. Honestly, the only thing I really enjoy is-“

I cut myself off before I blurt it out. I only realise now that it’s entirely true though, the only fun I have had since transferring has been with Miki. Argh! Why am I holding back? Just say it Hisao!

“-spending time with you I guess…”

I said it. It’s out there. She’s probably going to laugh at me now, but I don’t care. I enjoy her company for that reason, she is easy going. Where is the laughter? I look up, and it’s that smile again. She looks different, I can’t explain it.

“Thank you Hisao, I haven’t heard that from anyone for a while. Not since before my accident… Sorry if this is too forward, but… When did you have your heart attack?”

“Last winter.” About a week ago I wouldn’t have answered that. About a week ago I still cared about my heart. Now though, I don’t understand why I hid it, why I was so ashamed of it.

Miki raises her eyebrows for some reason. Is she surprised? I spent a while in hospital, but she has no way of knowing that.

“That’s… I had mine in winter too. I know it’s probably common to have accidents at that time, but… I don’t know, alright?”

The waitress arrives with my coffee, and Miki’s banquet. A silence falls between us as we eat, one only broken by the occaisional sound of ceramic on glass as we drink.
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Feedback, comments, fixes, anything you have to say, please post below! :D
Last edited by Numb on Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Four: Cityscape [Part One]

Post by dewelar »

Numb wrote:This chapter was kind of an accident. When I write, I just kind of let things play out and flow without my input, and I somehow managed to add a city scene without having any notes for it.
*nods* Often you'll find you do your best work this way. The chapter feels like it's writing itself.

I liked this chapter quite a bit. A few missing apostrophes, but nothing major, except maybe:
Miki is sat in the seat next to me
Miki is sitting

- and -
trying to buy some sandles
sandals

Otherwise, nice work so far!
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Four: Cityscape [Part One]

Post by Numb »

dewelar wrote:*nods* Often you'll find you do your best work this way. The chapter feels like it's writing itself.

I liked this chapter quite a bit. A few missing apostrophes, but nothing major, except maybe:
Miki is sat in the seat next to me
Miki is sitting

- and -
trying to buy some sandles
sandals

Otherwise, nice work so far!
Fixes made, despite being on my phone. Took me a few minutes to navigate the text, but it worked!

This chapter literally is writing itself, I actually forgot I had the old man and sandals, and I wrote that just over an hour ago! Hopefully this doesn't end up messing with my notes, like I said, I didn't plan for this :lol:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
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Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route
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Re: Blossom - Chapter Four: Cityscape [Part One]

Post by Hoitash »

Numb wrote: This chapter literally is writing itself, I actually forgot I had the old man and sandals, and I wrote that just over an hour ago! Hopefully this doesn't end up messing with my notes, like I said, I didn't plan for this :lol:
I find notes can be a tricky thing with fiction. If you constrain yourself to them too tightly, things can go very, very wrong.

Besides, if the story is writing itself, I'd say you're doing great :)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8
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Mirage_GSM
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Location: Germany

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 14/09/2013]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

This is just a typo, but since you were asking for mistakes:
Misha has broken at this point, and is struggling to breathe through her laughter.
...apparently not a typo:
I don’t understand how anyone can breathe in those places...
She is stood next to the baby girls footwear section.
She stands.
She starts pulling me in the opposite direction, away from where she saw Misha.
and sugar sprinkled over the cake
I'm really enjoying this story, but there's one thing that doesn't work quite right in this one:
In the last chapter Hisao was very concerned about not being able to take his pills that morning. He even calculated that he had enough time to wait until noon to get some from the nurse.
So it's a bit surprising that he didn't take them for two whole days before that and that thought didn't even enter his mind back then.
Besides, it's a long shot that nurse would be able to hear that Hisao didn't take his medication, but knowing him he could have just thrown that out there on a hunch to see if Hisao would bite.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Numb
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Location: In a chair behind a desk. Always.

Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 14/09/2013]

Post by Numb »

Quick update, I fractured my radial bone in my left arm. Therefore, typing entirely with my right arm is monotonous and very slow. Due to this development, I will not be updating this thread (at least not frequently, I am still writing) for the next two to three weeks. Once I can actually move my arm again, I will be at half my usual pace, as I still need to avoid using it, despite it not causing any pain. I hope you all understand, and I will be sure to keep you up to date with any news, be it good or bad :D
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route
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Hanako Nakai
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update: 14/09/2013]

Post by Hanako Nakai »

Numb wrote:Quick update, I fractured my radial bone in my left arm. Therefore, typing entirely with my right arm is monotonous and very slow. Due to this development, I will not be updating this thread (at least not frequently, I am still writing) for the next two to three weeks. Once I can actually move my arm again, I will be at half my usual pace, as I still need to avoid using it, despite it not causing any pain. I hope you all understand, and I will be sure to keep you up to date with any news, be it good or bad :D
Hoping for you to recover soon, Numb bro! :D
ImageImage
You should be a protagonist of a new story :lol:

Am I really that dense?
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