Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Development Halted]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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AnathRaema
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 30/11/2013]

Post by AnathRaema » Sun Dec 01, 2013 12:34 am

Riakai wrote:
AnathRaema wrote:Great chapter. This is going to be like all the anime that started in October, that I'm watching. Patiently, yet excitedly waiting for my next fix. I'm like a fanfic drug addict.
*Grabs fan-fic heroin and injects into arm*
GOT MAH FIX
I prefer fan-fic coke, but to each their own. As long as it gets you through to the next update, it's all good. I'm really glad I found this place, so many good fics on here.
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I write poetry sometimes. It's pretty bad. I should work on that at one point.

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Jaspirian
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 30/11/2013]

Post by Jaspirian » Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:18 pm

“Yes, I do. I’m guessing you want to know why. Shizune is an old friend...
It's odd to hear the middle sentence in casual conversation.

“Alright, lets go.”
Should be "let's"

Of course. Deaf.
I like this.

He starts riding it around the shed, knocking over a stack of cones in the process.
I like this.

[Look what I drew, it’s Suzu.]
I appreciate the joke you're going for, but this seems out of character for Shizune. Considering she has to be the best at everything, I'd be surprised by her so willingly showing off a subpar skill.

Shizune probably finding the whole thing hilarious
Forgot a period.

“I… I don’t know, it just is.”
I like this.

slapping me on the back
This seems like something that would give him a jolt.

I agree that the shed seems slightly overdone; however, I think Hisao's ensuing awkwardness and the comparison between his behavior around them vs. around Miki is well worth it.

THE TRULY ANAL
Giving me a smile and wave
smile and a wave.

“Screw… You… Kenta…”
Capitalization here and in a couple more places.

“That’s different-“
Here and in a couple more places you use a minus sign (hyphen) when I think you mean to use an em dash. To reduce confusion I'd recommend using two hyphens (--) or an em dash (—)


Did your AMA ever get Youtubed/transcribed? Twitch's saved videos don't work for me and I unfortunately missed it.

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Numb
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 30/11/2013]

Post by Numb » Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:09 am

Jaspirian wrote:“Yes, I do. I’m guessing you want to know why. Shizune is an old friend...
It's odd to hear the middle sentence in casual conversation.

“Alright, lets go.”
Should be "let's"

Of course. Deaf.
I like this.

He starts riding it around the shed, knocking over a stack of cones in the process.
I like this.

[Look what I drew, it’s Suzu.]
I appreciate the joke you're going for, but this seems out of character for Shizune. Considering she has to be the best at everything, I'd be surprised by her so willingly showing off a subpar skill.

Shizune probably finding the whole thing hilarious
Forgot a period.

“I… I don’t know, it just is.”
I like this.

slapping me on the back
This seems like something that would give him a jolt.

I agree that the shed seems slightly overdone; however, I think Hisao's ensuing awkwardness and the comparison between his behavior around them vs. around Miki is well worth it.

THE TRULY ANAL
Giving me a smile and wave
smile and a wave.

“Screw… You… Kenta…”
Capitalization here and in a couple more places.

“That’s different-“
Here and in a couple more places you use a minus sign (hyphen) when I think you mean to use an em dash. To reduce confusion I'd recommend using two hyphens (--) or an em dash (—)


Did your AMA ever get Youtubed/transcribed? Twitch's saved videos don't work for me and I unfortunately missed it.
Thanks for pointing out all of those errors, I've gone through and fixed them all now. Unfortunately, the AMA archived video has, for some odd reason, been removed from my past broadcasts. I'll likely do another one at some point in the future, but I'll make sure to schedule it in advance this time instead of announcing it as I start :lol:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Jaspirian
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 30/11/2013]

Post by Jaspirian » Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:03 pm

I'll look forward to it.

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monkeywitha6pack
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 30/11/2013]

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Mon Dec 09, 2013 1:51 am

Another AMA would be cool. I was away when you did the first one and now that it's not saved in previous archives I can't see it :(
Wahahaha~.
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Re: Blossom - Chapter One: Space-time Out [Part Three]

Post by Numb » Mon Dec 16, 2013 1:45 pm

Sorry for the delay in getting this installment released, I had some trouble with the introduction of four new friends. Regardless, I hope you enjoy :lol:
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Approaching their table slowly, I recognise a few people from my class, though I can’t remember their names. One of them is signing, but it looks like he is being ignored, as nobody else at the table is replying. Someone I don’t recognise notices me and waves me over, pointing at the empty seat beside Suzu. I force a small smile, probably looking more awkward than I feel sitting down at a table full of strangers, and take my place next to my only contact, who is still sleeping on her rice.

The one who waved me over grins and pushes a tray of food towards me. I notice that his right eye is glazed over, a strange milky green that almost seems familiar from somewhere, and the right side of his face is badly scarred, slightly masked by his black fringe.

“So you’re Hisao, right? Suzu told us – Well, mainly me – about you. These guys never listen to her,” he grins, pointing just outside of his field of vision to the group of familiar faces at the other end of the table. One of them grunts in reply. “And now they won’t even say hello to the new guy. Typical. Anyway, I’m Masato, Masato Nakamura.” He extends his hand for me to shake.

One of them pipes up, a boy with short red hair from my class.“Jeez Masato, give it a rest. Don’t worry about him Hisao, he likes to be fancy with his introductions. Akio, by the way. Suzu told me to give you a quick poetry lesson or something if she fell asleep, but I’ll let you eat first,” He says, going back to his conversation. He turns back to me briefly, pointing at his two other friends. “Oh yeah, that’s Lezard Valeth and this quiet guy here is Asashi Ikeshi. He’s mute, but he can hear you. If he says anything, I’ll translate for you. Anyway, I’ll leave you to your lunch.”

“Uhh, alright, thanks. For the food too, I appreciate it.” I say, a little awkward smile spreading across my face again. Turning down to my meal, I tune out their conversation while I eat. Apparently not knowing what I usually eat, they got me something simple; rice, fried noodles and fish. It’s weird, having thought Suzu was somewhat of a recluse, I didn’t expect her to have many friends other than Miki and myself. So far they seem nice, the kind of laid-back people I used to talk to before my heart attack.

A small bump on my elbow rouses me from my thoughts as I turn to look at the source. Suzu, still sleeping, has shifted away from the rice bowl pillow and is now nuzzling against my arm. Looking up at the rest of the literature club, I notice Masato trying to suppress his laughter while Akio just shakes his head. Lezard and Asashi are apparently having some kind of heated debate, both of them signing quickly and passionately.

Trying not to wake her, I lift Suzu’s head away from my arm, but end up in a more comprimising position as she frowns and wraps her arms around my own. Masato bursts, letting out a laugh similar in volume to Misha’s, causing me to wince. Akio glares at him, quickly shutting him up before he draws any more attention to our table before turning back to me.

“Don’t bother trying to get her off of your arm, she’ll cling on for dear life once she has something to hug. Just be glad you’re getting that treatment, Lezard here would kill for that, isn’t that right Lez?” He smirks, pointing over his shoulder to the dark haired skinny boy beside him.

“Shut up Akio.” Is the only reply he gets, a quiet grumble hidden behind unmoving lips. He returns to signing as quickly as he stopped, a slight frown on his face as he does so.

“Anyway, just let her sleep like that. It’s funnier when she wakes up, she gets really embarrassed and stutters a lot. You might have seen it actually, she spends enough time with you and Miki. What’s with you two anyway, you dating or something?” He asks, leaning back in his chair with crossed arms.

“What? What, uh, makes you think that?” I stammer, despite trying to keep my composure. This draws a raised eyebrow, but he quickly lowers it again and smirks at me.

“Don’t worry about it, just an observation from afar. If you are though, I’d tread carefully. She’s a gem, but she can be a little bit hard to read sometimes; kinda like sleeping beauty there.” He nods at Suzu, chuckling at his own joke. “Oh yeah, and try not to piss her off. She hits like a tank. Lez knows that more than anyone.”

“I’ll keep that in mind… Is that why Kenta likes teasing her?” I add as an afterthought, unsure if these guys even know who Kenta is.

“Kenta? Kenta Yuuri? I don’t know him personally, you know if that’s why Masato?” Akio inquires, turning his attention to the bundle of energy.

“Probably, he does it to everyone. Dad hates it, but they never really got along anyway, not since the whole ‘gay’ thing.” He falls silent again without another word, burying his face in a book he must have pulled from his bag.

“Wait a second, dad? Are you and Kenta brothers or something?” I ask, pulling him away from his paperback for a few more seconds.

“Cousins. His parents travel a lot, so they left him with me and my dad. I think the last time we saw them was three years ago, when we got sent to Yamaku. I haven’t talked to him much since we moved to the dorms, he spends all his time running now so I never have the chance. Your guess is as good as mine at this point.” He sighs and turns back to his book, a sign that I shouldn’t ask any more questions.

A groan comes from my right as Suzu shifts again. I give her a light nudge on the head, drawing another grunt from her as she tightens her grip on my arm.

“Suzu, I know you’re awake. That’s my arm.”

“Shh, just five more minutes…” She mumbles, burying her face further into my arm.

“Three… Two… One…” Akio counts down, waiting for Suzu to realise where she is. As he counts “zero”, Suzu’s eyes shoot open and she springs away from my arm, sitting bolt upright.

“Oh god! Hisao, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise it was you and I was dreaming and it was cold and–”

“Suzu.” Akio stops her before she rambles on. “I’ll be going now. You’re awake, so I don’t need to do that favour, and I have things to do. Stop apologising and start teaching, I’ll see you after class in the library.” He stands up, pulling a cane from under the table, slinging his bag over his shoulder and nodding a farewell before walking away.

“Wait, favour? What is he… Oh right, the poetry thing. Got it. Uhh… crap.” She mutters, frowning at her shoulder as she tries to hide her face from me. She starts mumbling under her breath, most of it incomprehensible, though I manage to pick out a few words like ‘idiot’ and ‘sleep’. I leave her to her musings and turn back to my meal when I hear her say ‘helicopter’, choosing not to bother deciphering the increasingly random snippets of information.

A few minutes later, Masato closes his book and tucks it away before clapping his hands together, shocking Suzu out of her strange state. I glance at her briefly before putting my food down, noticing a few grains of rice sticking to her cheek from earlier.

“Suzu, why not start with what poetry actually is?” Masato suggests, pointing to his cheek, hinting to her that she still has food on her face. She doesn’t pick up on the gesture, but instantly turns to me and opens her mouth to talk.

“Poetry is… Uhh. Well it depends on the person I guess, sometimes it’s a way of letting your thoughts out for others to understand, but some people just do it because it’s fun. Like me. I think. What do you think it is Hisao?” She asks as one of the grains of rice falls from her face, landing on her blouse. She notices it and absentmindedly brings a hand up to her cheek, wiping the last few pieces away.

“Isn’t it just a kind of song?” I answer, drawing a collective sigh from everyone at the table, even Asashi showing his disdain by placing his head in his hands and shaking it slowly.

“Hisao, poetry has nothing to do with music…” Masato sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “It’s a way of conveying a message in as little words as possible, but still keeping the beauty and – ”

“Alright Masato, give the guy a break, he’s new to this. Remember when you first joined? He suggested we all read a book with pictures.” Lezard pipes up, nodding in a way I imagine he thinks is reassuring. Before Masato can reply, he turns back to Asashi and starts signing again, leaving no time for a rebuttal.

“…Fine. Hisao, poetry is, to put it simply, a very, very short story with a message. Usually they have some kind of special structure, like a haiku. They have five syllables, then seven syllables, then five again. But I’ll shut up now, this is Suzu’s lesson.” He says, smirking at the tutor herself. Suzu raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest as though to hold some level of authority, though for what reason I don’t understand.

“Hisao, write a haiku. It doesn’t have to mean anything, just write one. Here, you can use my notebook.” She orders, thrusting the pad into my arms and sticking a pen in my available hand. “A little advice, if I may. Don’t think about it, just write whatever you want to, be it about a mountain or a blade of grass. Go on, try it.”

I lay the notebook flat on the table and stare at the white page before me, pen resting at the top of the page, motionless. Suzu watches me intently, an unusual glint in her eye that seems out of place in her sleepy mannerisms. Maybe this is what she’s like when she writes her own material, but the predatorial gaze she has rested on me is unsettling, making it near impossible to think of something.

“Come on Hisao, just write whatever you’re thinking right now.” Masato says, trying to alleviate some of the tension, but Suzu’s eyes don’t shift. I start to move the pen, but instantly regret it as I see her eyes light up. Deciding not to stop, I start writing.

The scary girl’s gaze
Leaving my mind in a haze


I stop, struggling to think of a last line to end off the short poem, glancing up at Suzu. Her face is unchanged, though I can tell she’s laughing at my horrible attempt on the inside. I lift the pen from the page, twirling it while I desperately try to think of a way to stop the silent torture. I sigh, giving up as I scratch the last line into the paper.

Oh what a harsh day

“Very good Hisao, it could use some work, but it isn’t bad for a first attempt. Oh, and you don’t have to make it rhyme, I probably should’ve told you that before you started.” Suzu grins, pulling the sheet away to inspect it closely. “Since when was I scary anyway?”

“That look you got when you were watching me, it was unsettling. I just couldn’t fit that in, so I used ‘scary’ instead…” I say, just barely loud enough for Masato to hear.

“That’s a good thing, exaggeration is great in poetry. Why make something normal when you can make it better?” Masato beams, his energy returning as he starts waving his hands around in fancy sweeping motions, knocking over his empty glass in the process.

“Reel it in Masato, he didn’t write a masterpiece here. Sorry Hisao, but you know as well as I do that this isn’t great.” Suzu says, bringing Masato back to reality as she smacks the notebook with the back of her hand.

“Yeah, I know… Did I do better than Miki though?” I ask, drawing a snicker from Lezard and Masato. Suzu glares at them, instantly silencing them before she shakes her head.

“No, Miki had some previous experience, but it was still pretty bad in comparison to some of our stuff. Don’t worry about it though, you were close enough. Come on, I have to talk to Akio before class starts and you’re the only one here who isn’t already engaged in some kind of debate,” she nods at Lezard and Asashi, who are both completely oblivious to those around them. “and in my class. You’ve seen what can happen on stairs already. I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for that either, so thanks. Anyway, let’s go!” She starts tugging at my sleeve, trying to pull me out of my chair, and I imagine if she could, all the way to class.

“Later Hisao, say hi to Kenta for me later.” Masato waves, picking up his own bag and heading off in the opposite direction. I glance over at Lezard and Asashi again, though neither is aware that we are leaving. Lifting myself out of my chair, I let Suzu lead the way back to class, though the trip back is made in silence. Entering the room, Suzu and I split off, and I head to my desk as she starts talking to Akio about the literature club meeting after class. Pulling Miki’s notebook out of my bag, I start to copy the notes from the previous class for her before the bell rings.

When Mutou returns, I notice that Shizune and Misha are still absent, likely working on Student Council business again. As the teacher drones on about the link between quantum physics and string theory, I start writing little lines of poetry in the margin of my page. None of it is good, but I want to make an effort to do this properly. I want to make Miki happy again.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next
Feedback and all that jazz is welcome, as always.
Bad haiku is bad on purpose
Last edited by Numb on Thu Dec 19, 2013 4:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Feurox
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Feurox » Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:34 pm

Ahh was watching the stream earlier when you were writing this, didn't have time to say hello though . Good job again here, <3

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hyroglyphixs
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by hyroglyphixs » Mon Dec 16, 2013 10:15 pm

Sweet chapter! Fantastic writing as always, and loved the Suzu bit :D
"No one knows what the future holds. That's why its potential is infinite" - Okabe Rintarou
El. Psy. Congroo~

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by azahk101 » Tue Dec 17, 2013 2:43 am

Great update! I only have a couple things to ask about:
Numb wrote:"Later Hisao, say hi to Kenta for me later."
I believe that period should be a comma, and the repetition with "later" is a little jarring. Perhaps this is to characterize Masato's style of speech, but I just felt compelled to point it out.

Also, when Hisao asks about Miki's attempt at poetry you say how Lezard snickers at the question. Then, following this, you have Suzu mention how Lezard is completely oblivious of their conversation due to his debate with Asashi. Either Lezard just tuned out to start debating (although I think I remember you mentioning that debate much earlier) or this may be a little logical error.

Other than that, I found everything great! I loved the addition of some new characters, and the small but noticeable quirks you've given Suzu. Keep up the good writing :D

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Riakai
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Riakai » Tue Dec 17, 2013 7:35 am

Yum, amazing chapter. Nice way to wake up. Read a chapter and have a nice coffee before trudging out in the snow to school.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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UltimateShammer
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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by UltimateShammer » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:05 pm

Wait, you stream the writing of this? Awesome! Where do you do it, and what do you go by?
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time... to die.

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Numb » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:17 pm

UltimateShammer wrote:Wait, you stream the writing of this? Awesome! Where do you do it, and what do you go by?
I occasionally stream my writing process, yes. My channel is here, but I'll be working on "Christmas with the Hakamichi's" from now until completion, and since I don't want to spoil any of that in advance, I won't be live for a while. Feel free to follow in the event that I do stream more before then! :lol:
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:29 pm

How does streaming writing a fanfiction work?
Do you have a webcam filming you while you're writing or do you have it aimed at your monitor?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Numb » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:39 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:How does streaming writing a fanfiction work?
Do you have a webcam filming you while you're writing or do you have it aimed at your monitor?
I capture the Microsoft Word window and have an overlay to make it fancy while playing music and chatting with the viewers. I don't own a webcam unfortunately, and being unemployed means I have no way to buy one :(
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route [Update 16/12/2013]

Post by Craftyatom » Fri Dec 27, 2013 2:55 am

Until recently, I had always managed to come up with some reason that I didn't have time to read this story, but last night I figured that I may as well given that I've got some time off (and was feeling too sick to do anything that required moving, typing included).
I'm glad I found the time, because this was a fantastic read. I love the way it's working out so far, can't wait to see more!
Numb wrote:I capture the Microsoft Word window and have an overlay to make it fancy while playing music and chatting with the viewers.
I love this idea, sounds like fun (on both ends)!
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Path of Least Resistance, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
Old poetry: Google Drive Collection

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