Zombies - Updated 17/12/13

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Comrade
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Zombies - Updated 17/12/13

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:23 am

Greetings comrades! as i've said, I had a go at writing a zombie fic, and here are the results!
this is the first time I've written in a while so please forgive me for my... not perfect writing.

I finish taking my morning pills and am about to head out to school when I hear a horrible scream outside the window.
Probably just some first years playing or something.

A second blood curdling scream of horror and pain causes me to look out the window, to see the most horrifying thing I've witnessed in my life; a couple of students are being devoured by what looks like a decomposing human body.

It can't be.

I can see some more of those… things scattered around the grounds, walking aimlessly, or in one case gnawing at what looks like one of the night guards.
Oh god.

I quickly lock the door, and try to call 110.
The line is dead.

I sit in my room for a while, running through my options in my head.
The best thing I can do now is to wait here for someone from the faculty to give us instructions.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and I nearly get a heart attack from the shock.
"Hisao, are you there? Did they get you?"
It’s Kenji.
I open the door, and as I'm about to answer him, Kenji puts a hand over my mouth and whispers, "Be quiet! They can hear us. Come with me."

I follow Kenji into the hall. He pulls out his key and unlocks his door.
As we enter his room, I can see that his room is slightly bigger than mine and definitely more "decorated." The walls are covered with photographs, blueprints and graphs. There are books and sheets of paper strewn all over the floor, and there's a strong smell of dirty laundry hanging in the air.

"Are you okay? Did they get you?" Kenji asks in a frantic manner, standing very close to my face.

"I'm okay, what happened? I heard screams, who are ‘they,’ and can you please not breathe on my face?"

Kenji sighs in relief. "I'm glad to see you’re okay, man. They are everywhere, those bastards. In fact, there are a couple of them right outside the dorms."

"Yeah I've seen them," I answer, "but you still haven't told me who ‘they’ are."

Kenji walks to his desk and points to a book called ‘One hundred and one things you didn't know about zombies.’

"Zombies," he says. "Reanimated dead bodies that feast on human flesh. Not unlike women - except for the reanimated part."

It takes me a couple of seconds to realize he is serious.

"Zombies? But that’s impossible!"
"Have I ever told you anything short of solid facts, Hisao?" he asks with a sincere face.
I choose to not answer his question. "Well, if those… things really are zombies, what are we supposed to do? We are done for!"
"Not just yet," Kenji says with a devious grin.

Kenji walks over to his desk and opens one of his drawers. Under a false floor there's what looks like a pistol, a knife and a small axe.

"How did you get a hold of that? Isn't that illegal?" I ask.
"Doesn't matter," he dismisses my question. "Take this axe, and follow me. We have some dead motherfuckers to send back to the afterlife."
Last edited by Comrade on Tue Dec 17, 2013 9:29 am, edited 6 times in total.
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LorSquirrel
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Re: Zombies

Post by LorSquirrel » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:13 am

Comrade wrote:I finish taking my morning pills and am about to head out to school when I hear a horrible scream outside the window.
Probably just some first years playing or something.
I laughed my ass off when I read this. Do students at Yamaku often play let out bloodcurdling screams when they're playing hacky sack?

Other than that little aside this seems like a good start. The whole "Kenji has a weapon because we say so." thing is kinda over done, but I guess I shouldn't complain considering the fact that I'm writing something where the exact same thing happens :D

Edit: Just a little side note. When I read the title I immediately thought of this picture.
Image
Last edited by LorSquirrel on Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:19 am

hmmmm, i think i need to add more spacing between lines here.

LorSquirrel wrote:Do students at Yamaku often play let out bloodcurdling screams when they're playing hacky sack?
In my highschool, people were screaming all the time, so I just assumed it was the same there.
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Re: Zombies

Post by LorSquirrel » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:28 am

Comrade wrote:hmmmm, i think i need to add more spacing between lines here.

LorSquirrel wrote:Do students at Yamaku often play let out bloodcurdling screams when they're playing hacky sack?
In my highschool, people were screaming all the time, so I just assumed it was the same there.
Public school sounds... interesting...

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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:29 am

LorSquirrel wrote:
Comrade wrote:hmmmm, i think i need to add more spacing between lines here.

LorSquirrel wrote:Do students at Yamaku often play let out bloodcurdling screams when they're playing hacky sack?
In my highschool, people were screaming all the time, so I just assumed it was the same there.
Public school sounds... interesting...
Public school?
it was a religious privite school.
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
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Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
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Re: Zombies

Post by LorSquirrel » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:34 am

^ I don't know why, but I laughed like a maniac when I read that (but then again, who doesn't laugh like a maniac every now and then?). Also, yeah you should space the paragraphs out by one more line, so people can distinguish them better.

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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:37 am

LorSquirrel wrote:^ I don't know why, but I laughed like a maniac when I read that (but then again, who doesn't laugh like a maniac every now and then?). Also, yeah you should space the paragraphs out by one more line, so people can distinguish them better.
Its really anoying, I had it all spaced out on word, but when I copied it to here it just went "Nope".
ok, i tried to fix it, is it any better?
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Re: Zombies

Post by Dr.Worm » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:57 am

Comrade wrote: Its really anoying, I had it all spaced out on word, but when I copied it to here it just went "Nope".
ok, i tried to fix it, is it any better?
You got most of it, but there are some lines you could add to separate dialog from the other paragraphs.

My story does the same thing when I copy it over to the forums from word.
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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:59 am

Is this better?
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Re: Zombies

Post by Dr.Worm » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:02 am

Comrade wrote:Is this better?
It looks better, but as I am on my phone currently, it probably views differently for me.

Also, this is great. I'm looking forward to more.
At least I still have The Worst Miki

I'll leave the front unlocked because I can't hear the doorbell.
Also, I write Fanfiction, apparently. [Once More] & [Breaking the Sound Barrier]

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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:05 am

Dr.Worm wrote:
Comrade wrote:Is this better?
It looks better, but as I am on my phone currently, it probably views differently for me.

Also, this is great. I'm looking forward to more.
Oh my, thank you!
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
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Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
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Re: Zombies

Post by Silentcook » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:11 am

>Using Word
>Why not just use SatanicProcessorWhoEatsKittens.lcf


More seriously, the formatting of Word and Google docs is... not very compatible with the forums' BBcode formatting. You're in for a lot of headaches if you expect to port things straight.
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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:15 am

Silentcook wrote:>Using Word
>Why not just use SatanicProcessorWhoEatsKittens.lcf


More seriously, the formatting of Word and Google docs is... not very compatible with the forums' BBcode formatting. You're in for a lot of headaches if you expect to port things straight.
What kind of format is compatible, and how can i get it?
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
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Re: Zombies

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Aug 30, 2013 10:04 am

I rarely have problems with word, but if you do, try notepad+
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Re: Zombies

Post by Comrade » Fri Aug 30, 2013 10:13 am

I will try to use notepad next time i write.
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
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Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
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