Living (Rin Route)

Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Aug 13, 2013 10:18 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Maradar » Mon Dec 16, 2013 12:35 am

Wow this is really well done! I really really hope you finish this. It's good and I love the fresh take on the school.

I have a minor arrhythmia and a couple of other heart conditions. Small world.
Also I love these forums.

Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 10:28 am

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Kejmur » Wed Jan 01, 2014 5:49 pm

Really interesting read, especially with the lack of fics including Rin. Keep up the good work ;). Also it's good to see someone who actually can pull off Rin dialogues this well. Good read, I'll keep an eye on this fan fiction, because it's just worth it ;).

User avatar
Lloyd Snow
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:53 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Lloyd Snow » Sat Jan 04, 2014 3:40 am

Too hot to write, expect a new chapter when the temperature isn't 43 degrees. (That's 109 degrees Fahrenheit, for you American types.)
I write, you read.
Sound good?

User avatar
Posts: 87
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:31 pm

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by TheGoatman » Sat Jan 04, 2014 10:56 am

Lloyd Snow wrote:Thanks.
Too hot to write, expect a new chapter when the temperature isn't 43 degrees. (That's 109 degrees Fahrenheit, for you American types.)
Australia, where even in winter the heat tries to kill you.
I'm just a rusty old goat and a poor writer by anyone's standards, so no need to take my advice to heart, and when you do, take a handful of salt with it.

User avatar
Lloyd Snow
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:53 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Lloyd Snow » Sat Jan 04, 2014 11:25 am

I hope you're joking.
I write, you read.
Sound good?

User avatar
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by griffon8 » Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:27 pm

Pretty sure he is. It plays on two stereotypes: one, that if it's happening in the USA, it's happening everywhere (it's winter here so it's winter everywhere); and two, everything in Australia is trying to kill you.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing

User avatar
Posts: 1230
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 6:09 pm
Location: The Fifth Thing

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by dewelar » Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:41 pm

griffon8 wrote:Pretty sure he is. It plays on two stereotypes: one, that if it's happening in the USA, it's happening everywhere (it's winter here so it's winter everywhere); and two, everything in Australia is trying to kill you.
Heh...a bit off topic, and a bit late, but one of my favorite Christmas songs is "Six White Boomers" by Rolf Harris, if only as a reminder of this sort of thing :) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

User avatar
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 16, 2013 8:10 pm

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by XIIHangman » Sat Jan 04, 2014 9:41 pm

Normally I'm not a fan of OC stories but I really like your approach to how he interacted with all of the established characters. I'm also keen to the idea of using the unnamed silver haired guy in Class 3-3, i'm surprised that hasn't been used before. On the note of the Rin Route(does this imply we'll be seeing more routes in the future?) I like how you've written the interactions between Kohta and Rin. My only nitpick, and that's all it is really, would be to have Rin be a tiny bit more closed off and more focused towards her art; at the point in Hisao's relationship with Rin that Kohta is, Rin had used art as her outlet far more. Mind you, this is your interpretation of Rin's character and you shouldn't be changing anything drastic, just maybe involve more art where it would fit naturally? That's really all i've got for now, I like what's going on here and I intend to watch your progress!

User avatar
Lloyd Snow
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:53 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Lloyd Snow » Sat Jan 04, 2014 11:28 pm

XIIHangman wrote:Things
Yes, it does imply that there will be more routes. Assuming Rin's route doesn't kill me, because God damn, Rin is like the anti-narrative. I respect Aura for actually achieving something with Rin.

To be fair, within Rin's route, Hisao enters during her work on the festival mural, and then after a week her so, her work towards her gallery. In between that, her art is done mostly within the art club, which we wouldn't even know, if Hisao didn't arbitrarily decide to join it, presumably "cos Rin, lol". To be honest, I don't want her art to play as important a role in this story, since, that's what her actually route did. There will be more art, definitely, it just will work as a backing, as opposed to a major plot point.

And now I'm going to go make sure my chapter gets finished soon, so Silentcook doesn't chastise me for the pages of discussion.
I write, you read.
Sound good?

User avatar
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Nov 24, 2013 6:56 am

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by AnathRaema » Sun Jan 05, 2014 7:03 pm

I'm quite enjoying this, it's nice to read something that doesn't really get done often. Hopefully it stops being so damn hot too, damn Australian weather sucks sometimes.
I write poetry sometimes. It's pretty bad. I should work on that at one point.

User avatar
Posts: 87
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:31 pm

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by TheGoatman » Sun Jan 05, 2014 7:55 pm

Lloyd Snow wrote:I hope you're joking.
Don't worry, I am.
I'm just a rusty old goat and a poor writer by anyone's standards, so no need to take my advice to heart, and when you do, take a handful of salt with it.

User avatar
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:36 pm

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by kulkukan » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:35 pm

a thumping good read so far, but here comes the crucial point: is it ever going to be continued/finished? Rin is actually represented well and it would be a shame to see it die so prematurely.

User avatar
Lloyd Snow
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:53 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Lloyd Snow » Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:54 am

The 16th.
I write, you read.
Sound good?

User avatar
Lloyd Snow
Posts: 77
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2013 9:53 pm
Location: Australia

Living: Rin's Route, Part 10 - Does it ever rain on Tuesdays

Post by Lloyd Snow » Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:48 am

Guess who's back? And right on time for my personal KS birthday as promised. Hopefully the goats knocking on my door, threatening to break my legs and shit will stop now. Guess what, it's longer too.

Thursday releases will probably become a regular thing from now on.

Winter stuck around this year.

Drawn out, it had inhibited the blooming of the cherry blossoms for a couple of extra weeks. Apparently this was a big deal, since the beginning of the school year is meant to coincide with it. It has something to do with the blossoms representing new beginnings. A romantic might suggest that the belated blooming symbolizes a chance to start fresh. For me, it was just another lazy Sunday.

Or, it would have been, had Emi not convinced me to accompany her and Rin to the town. The conversation went along the lines of; “hey Kohta, come with Rin and I to see the blossoms, I know a super awesome spot,” “no,” “that’s great, we’ll see you there.” She’s certainly charming, our Emi.

Begrudgingly, I drag on my shoes and move into the bathroom, careful to not rouse Kenji. In front of the mirror, I sweep my grey mess of hair from my face, roll up my sleeves, and confirm that all of my buttons are done up. I’m currently sporting a plain white business shirt and black slacks, the uniform of a man who is too lazy to put together an outfit, but doesn’t want to advertise the fact. I breathe a heavy sigh before splashing my face with water and taking one last long look in the mirror, and leaving the bathroom. Walking through the hallway, I’m careful to be particularly silent, to avoid alerting the resident fruit loop. I turn right and lazily meander down the stairs.

Opening the door to dorms I am hit by a strong gust of wind. I close my eyes and savor the feeling as the cool breeze rushes over my skin.

“You’re late!” a voice exclaims in mock frustration.

I open my eyes to find Emi standing with her arms firmly crossed, her eyes shut tightly, and her tongue pocking out. Behind her is Rin, not paying much mind to us. “I don’t recall agreeing to turn up at all, actually.” I counter.

“I knew you’d fold straight away and turn up.”

“It’s good to know you see me as that much of a flake.” I reply, feigning offense.

“Who could blame you, I’m pretty damn irresistible!” Emi pauses for a moment, but speaks up again before I can respond. “We should get going; we’re already late thanks to you.”

I approach the girls, “yeah, we wouldn’t want to keep the trees waiting.”

“Don’t be a smart ass.” Emi turns on her heels and throws her right hand into the air, finger pointing to the sky. “Let’s go!”

I salute her sarcastically and follow behind with Rin in tow.

Emi is particularly cheerful today, and her strides match her upbeat mood. In almost perfect juxtaposition, Rin follows behind us ambling along, switching her attention between the sky and her feet. Simultaneously trying to keep up with Emi, while trying not to lose Rin proves to be difficult, and leaves us in an awkwardly spread out formation.

Emi and Rin’s opposition in personality is written all over then. Especially in choice of clothing, while Emi is wearing a bright green shirt, khaki shorts, and bright knee socks, Rin is clad in a dull maroon hoodie, tight black jeans, and sandals. Hell, even Emi’s bag is a brightly colored mix of light brown hemp lattice and green décor.

I run my hand across my jawline and let out a sigh. I should have shaved this morning, I feel homeless. Interrupting my internal mewling, Emi comes to a halt and turns to face us. Her smile is beaming, so much so that I can actually feel it piercing through me.

“At this pace, we’ll probably get there just in time for next year’s blooming!”

“Well, short of me carrying Rin, I don’t expect anything will make the girl move any faster.” Emi snaps her fingers and her eyes light up as if she’s had an idea. She goes to speak, but I cut her off. “That wasn’t an offer. I am not going to carry Rin.”

Emi pouts at me, turns around and begins walking again at a slower pace. What a ridiculous girl. We’re about halfway down the hill leading into town when Emi speaks again.

“So Kohta, are you excited?”

“For?” I reply.

“Your first real taste of Japan.”

“Guess so.”

“You better get enthusiastic, or I’ll beat the enthusiasm into you.” Emi says in a half joking tone.

Rin has been silent all day, and I figure this is a good chance to get her to talk. “Rin, what do you think about the cherry blossoms?”

“They’re alright.”

Rin’s reply causes Emi to slouch forward dramatically. “You two are no fun.”

I chuckle at Emi. “Cheer up Emi; how about after we see the trees, I treat us all to lunch?”

Emi instantly perks up. “Really?”

“Yeah, if you know any good places to e...”

“Anything I want?” Emi cuts me off.


Emi halts and turns on her heels to face me. “Even,” she puts on the most innocent face she can muster, “dessert as well?”

“Sure, why not.”

Emi pulls her right elbow down and hisses the word yes.

“You sure know the way to a girls heart,” she says as she once again resumes her march with new found vigor.

I never would have figured Emi would be so easily bribed with food, given she’d barely be five foot, if that, and couldn’t be more than forty kilos.

Rin drifts silently past me, following Emi and I take that as my cue to do the same. At this new pace, it doesn’t take us long to reach the base of the hill. Entering the town, we follow the main street some ways before taking a couple of turns, which Emi seems to be picking at random. Despite my lack of faith in our navigator, we turn one last corner and arrive at what seems to be our destination.

The park is picturesque. Fresh, green grass blankets the ground. Strung around the place are well kept wooden benches. A small, clean path has been paved through the middle of the park, leading to a small koi pond. The entire area is draped in humbly-pink blossoms. As the wind picks up and the trees begin to sway, a sheet of pink begins to float gracefully in the air, before settling down on the grass.

Emi turns to me, smiling and giving me a thumbs up. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I pause for a moment, drinking in the scene one more time before I reply. “You can say that again.”

I'm not easily impressed by scenes of natural beauty, I usually find them quite overrated. But this serene garden feels like a little slice of Eden.

"Oh!" Emi comes to some kind of realization, and reaches into the bag she's been carrying, "where do you want to set up Rin?"

Rin takes a moment to scan the park, then takes a seat on the grass near the coy pond. "Here's good."

Emi walks over to Rin, retrieving a large sketch pad and a colorful box from her bag and placing them gently in front of Rin. Taking a seat on a nearby bench, I watch the two of them. Rin slips off her sandals and begins fiddling with her equipment. Opening the box and her note pad, sorting out her pieces here and there. Though she works through it without much effort, it's clear that if Emi had done it for her, the whole process would have been much easier. I can see why Rin, or anyone for that matter, wouldn't want to have people wait on them, hand and foot. Still, there is a certain charm to these two, nothing I've seen before.

"What're you grinning at?" Emi asks me as she strides to the bench.

"It's nothing," keen to change the subject, I add, "so Rin’s really into art, huh?"

"Yup. The only way I could get her to come here today was to agree to carry her stuff."

"Is it hard for her to paint when... you know?"

"She doesn’t have arms? Of course it is." Emi is still beaming, unoffended by my question. "I think that's what drew her to it."

"How so?"

"She wants to push against her disability. It's like, there's this slope, and when you rely on others to do things for you, you begin sliding. And if you're not careful, soon you won't be able to do anything for yourself. So, Rin, and a lot of other students too, do things that they arn't supposed to be able to do. Because it's the only way to make sure you never slide down that slope." Emi pauses, scrunching her slips. "If that makes sense?"

"So, they do it to feel normal?"

"No. They do it to feel a live."

“Huh.” I guess that’s one way to look at it.

The heavy topic conversation causes the air to thicken around us, creating a lingering silence.

“This place is lo…” I’m cut off by a ringing from Emi’s bag.

“Sorry,” she reaches into her pocket, opens her phone and brings it to her ear, “hello.”

“Oh, hey mom, what’s up?” Emi turns to me looks at me and mouths the word sorry, stands up, and walks off across the park.

I wonder what was about.

Oh well, perhaps I should see how Rin’s doing. Bringing myself to my feet, I walk across the grass to Rin’s side. Immediately, I can see that her feet are a swirl of green, pink, and brown. The image on the page is just as messy as Rin’s feet - a splotch of green here, and brown there. I guess I should chalk it up to it having yet to take shape. I probably shouldn’t disturb Rin, so I take a couple of steps away without talking to her. Tempted by the fresh look of the grass, I take a seat. The grass is softer than it looks, so much so that I decide to lay back. Suddenly feeling heavy, my eyelids slide closed.

Lying there in the silence, my breath was the only indication that time had not come to a standstill. After an unclear amount of time had passed, I’m pulled out of my daze by a shadow being cast over me. I ease open my eyes and squint slightly as Rin’s face slowly comes into focus.

“Where’s Emi?” She asks, straight to the point as usual.

“She went off to take a call, somewhere.”

“I need her.”

“Oh.” I sit up, sobered slightly by the urgency in Rin’s voice. “She, uh, went over that way.” I say as I point towards the tree line.

Rin responds by staring at me blankly.

“Do you want me to go see if I can find her?”


I push myself to my feet in a slight rush, and start walking to where I saw Emi disappear from. Better to not ask Rin too many questions, I’d probably just end up more confused than I started. Going around a couple of trees and making my way through the shroud of blossoms, I find Emi.

Immediately, I can tell something is wrong. Her shoulders are quivering and she’s clearly crying. She hasn’t seen me yet, so I take cover behind the tree nearest me and wait.

Though I’m trying not to eavesdrop anyway, from this distance, and given her profuse sobbing, it’s impossible to understand her. After a moment, I do, however, hear the telltale sound of her closing her phone. Her call has ended, but she is still sobbing as hard as before.

I don’t move, not an inch. Something tells me its best, for Emi and for me that I not get involved in this. After her sobbing subsides, I give her a moment to collect herself and come from around the tree. It takes her a moment to notice me, and I startle her slightly. She quickly wipes her eyes, and looks at me again. She looks a mess, her cheeks are wet and her eyes are puffy. Her expression is half devastated and half that of a child who’s been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Rin needs you.” I say with a flat tone.

“Wha?” Emi looks confused. Perhaps she’s wondering why I’m not concerned, or if I even noticed at all.

“Rin, she said she needs you for something. I didn’t bother asking what.”

“Oh,” Emi smiles slightly, “I’ll go see what she needs.”

Emi walks passed me quickly, stopping after a few steps with her back to me.

“Thank you.” She says without turning around, and continues out of view, leaving me amongst the orchard.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

So, Emi was on the phone with her mother, she left, a bit of time went by, and then she was crying. It’d be best if I forget that happened. Well, whatever I should go see what Rin wanted.

I make my way back to the park, only to find it empty. Where the hell did those to go off to? Once again, I take a seat on one of the park benches. Leaning back, I feel my spine ease up against the hard wood. I wonder, is Emi having problems with her mother? It wouldn’t surprise me. I’ve met more parents than I care to count who could give a fuck about their children. Plus, there seems to be a fairly cold and conniving breed of humans, they’re called women. A man wearing a wedding ring might as well be wearing a shirt that says, “My money and my bollocks are in the purse to my right”.

“What’s wrong, miss us?”

Speaking of women. “Not particularly,” I look to Rin, “should I ask what you needed Emi for?”

“You can, if you want.” Rin replies.

I think about it for a moment, but Emi speaks.

“We’re done here, so…”

“So what?”

“So, you promised to treat a couple of pretty girls to lunch.” It’s good to see Emi is back to normal.

“I do remember that, though, I don’t see any pretty girls around.”

“Idiot.” Emi punches me in the shoulder jokingly…

It hurts a little bit.

“So, where are we going?” I ask.

“It’s a surprise, now come on!”

Emi reaches out, grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. Surprisingly, she doesn’t let go of my hand once I’m standing. Instead she continues to drag me most of the way to our destination.

After a bit of a walk, made more difficult by Emi’s enthusiasm, we’ve arrived at a small, shabby looking building. The sign above the door reads ‘Shanghai’, it seems to be a small tea shop. The shop probably gets a lot of traffic from Yamaku, even while outside, I can see a handful of students hanging around the place.

“The Shanghai, hey. That’s pretty fitting, seeing as you shanghai’d me into paying for lunch.”

Emi’s face goes grim for a moment. “Please, don’t ever make a joke that terrible again.”

I thought it was funny. I don’t dare tell her that though as we enter through the door way. A nervous looking waitress greets us and takes to our seats, gives us our menus and takes off to serve other customers, managing to knock things over as she does it.

I pick up my menu and scan over it. The food is fairly plain, though it’s fairly cheap to suit. After I’ve decided on what I want, Emi waves the waitress over to take our orders.

“I’d like a cup of black tea, thanks. No milk or sugar.”

Emi gives me a concerned look. “Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“Hmm? Oh, I’ll just let you decide for me. You seem to know the place.”

I zone out as the waitress takes Emi’s order, looking at the décor of the restaurant. While the old, dark wooden decoration gives the restaurant a traditional feeling, it is clear from the kitchen and other facilities that it is not particularly old.

“What about you Rin?” Emi asks.

Rin and I both snap back to reality.

“Ice tea, straw please.”

Emi shakes her head. “You two…”

The waitress bows swiftly, narrowly missing the corner of the table, and leaves to prepare our orders.

“Un-be-lievable.” Emi says, singing every syllable in a disappointed tone.

“What?” Rin and I both respond in unison.

Emi shakes her head again, and giggles. “You two belong together.”

I look to Rin, who looks back at me just as confused as I am. We both just shrug. No one attempts to make conversation and the waitress eventually returns to the table with our order. Three cups of tea, one black, one green, one iced and a tray of assorted sandwiches.

Sat next to a window, the silence doesn’t bother me, as it gives me a chance to enjoy my tea and sandwiches as I watch the once sunny sky become blanketed in dark clouds. It hadn’t occurred to me to bring an umbrella, so I hope it doesn’t rain before we get back.

Swallowing another mouthful of tea, I turn to grab another sandwich. I notice Rin is also staring at the window; meanwhile, Emi has made a sizeable dent in the platter. Where does she put it all?

“Rin, aren’t you hungry? You haven’t had a single sandwich.” Emi asks.

“My feet are too dirty.”

“Do you want me to…?”


I sit in awe, as Emi feeds sandwiches to Rin. I’m sure this is some teenage boy’s fantasy, however all the romance is removed from the situation when you factor in the stares of the other teenagers around me. Emi notices me staring, and takes it as a chance to mock me.

“Jealous?” She pokes he tongue out.

“I’d probably be the only guy in the room who isn’t.” I take a sip from my tea as Emi looks around in realization.

“Drooling idiots.” Emi says under her breath.

I laugh, “Amazing.”

“You’re no better than they are.”

“I don’t need to fantasize, Emi, I’ve already been there.” I take another swig from my tea.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh. Nothing.”

Emi looks at Rin, and then back to me squinting. “Suspicious.”

After finishing feeding Rin, Emi polishes off the last sandwich and leans back victoriously, rubbing her stomach.

“Uhhh-. I’m full.”

“I should think so; I’m surprised you can still move.”

“Dessert time.”

“You literally, just, said you were full.”

“Everybody knows girls have a separate stomach for dessert.”

I lean back in disbelief, and just let it happen. Emi once again summons the waitress and orders herself some extravagant sounding dessert.

“And you?” The waitress addresses me.

“Another tea thanks.”

“Okay. What about you?” She asks Rin.

“Another ice tea, please.”

“Rin, really? It’s FREE dessert.”

“Okay. I’d like some honey and orange in that iced tea.”

Emi sighs, slapping her face in exasperation. I can’t hold my laughter in, though the situation has left our waitress looking quite confused. “Miss, I’d also like a slice of cheesecake, please.”

The waitress scribbles that down and walks swiftly back to the kitchen.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about Kohta.” Emi says, delighted.


“You were both starting to make me feel fat.”

“I’d wager it was the platter of sandwiches you scarfed down that’s doing that.”

Emi scowls at me.

The waitress returns once again with our orders, nervously placing them on the table and leaving as quickly, and awkwardly, as she came.

Emi digs into her food with gusto, while Rin and I slowly consume our food and drink. Emi’s dish is big, with various fruits, some cream, cake, and some sauce. Despite this, she finishes as quickly as I do. She drops her spoon lightly onto the plate with a clink. She watches me take my final forkful with a satisfied grin, as if she was racing me. I lean back in the chair, and drink some of my lukewarm tea.

“Thanks Kohta. This was great.”

“Yeah.” Rin adds.

“Don’t thank me; it’s my father’s money.”

Emi looks at me quizzically. “Still.”

“You’re right though, it was nice, we should do this again soon.”

“Are you offering to buy us lunch again, Kohta?” Emi asks jokingly.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

Emi sits up. “Really? Kohta, if I keep hanging around you, I’m going to get fat.”

“That’s the plan.” I wink jokingly.

“Speaking of which, it looks like it’s about to rain, if I want to get an afternoon run in, I’m going to have to hurry back. Sorry to leave so suddenly.”

“Yeah, it’s about time I head back too.”

We all stand up from the table, I leave the money to cover the bill, with a sizeable tip, and we leave.

The walk up the hill and through Yamaku is quiet and uneventful. We arrive at the front of the dorms and prepare to part ways.

“Thanks again for lunch.” Emi says.

“It really is no problem.”

“We’ll see at lunch tomorrow, okay. Seeya.”

Emi turns to leave but Rin stops her.

“Hold on.”

Rin says something to Emi, and Emi produces Rin’s sketch from her bag. Rin takes it between her lips and walks over to me, dropping it into my hands.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“It’s a sketch.” Rin seems confused at my confusion.

“No – I know what it is, I mean, why are you giving it to me?”

“You liked the park, this is for lunch.”

“Oh, uh, are you sure?” I ask.


I look down at the sketch. It’s pretty accurate to what the park looked like, though the colors seem to swirl together and run into each other. It definitely captures the beauty of the park. “Thanks, Rin, its lovely.”

“I don’t really like it, it’s boring.” Rin adds, before turning around and leaving.

“What a mysterious Jogo.” I say in English, out of earshot.

I’ll have to find a place to put this.

Emi shouts bye to me one more time, and I wave back. It’s been a pretty good day. It’s left me a fair bit tired nonetheless. I take one final look at the sketch in my hands.

A good scene to hang onto.
Last edited by Lloyd Snow on Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I write, you read.
Sound good?

User avatar
Posts: 6059
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Living (Rin Route)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:02 pm

Well, I have to admit since it's been sone time since the last chapter, I don't recall all the details about your character's background... Will have to reread a bit. But barring continuity mistakes this is a pretty solid chapter. Couple of typos, most of which look like you can blame autocorrect for them:
Begrudgingly, I drag on my shoes and move into the bathroom...
You probably meant another word...
resumes her march with knew found vigor.
...takes a seat on the grass near the coy pond.
How can a pond be coy?
I’m cute off by a ringing from Emi’s bag.
I take cover behind the nearest me and wait.
The nearest "me"?
Emi sighs, slapping her face in exacerbation.
This should probably be "exasperation"
We all stand up from the table, I leave the money to cover the bill, with a sizeable tip, and we leave.
Tipping is considered an insult in Japan. Yuuko would probably faint...
“What a mysterious Jogo.” I say in English, out of earshot.
What's a Jogo? Google doesn't yield any results that make sense in that context...
none the less
That's just one word
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Post Reply