Rooftops (An Emi Story)

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Comrade
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Comrade » Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:27 pm

BTW I added this to the archive, if you want me to take it down PM me
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
Vice president of the Yamaku Book Club
Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
An American, 2014

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Numb
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Numb » Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:32 pm

Comrade wrote:BTW I added this to the archive, if you want me to take it down PM me
Oh, I have no problem with it being there. However, I did notice you failed to capitalize my name :P
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Comrade
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Comrade » Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:33 pm

Shame on me then.
anyway, i think that this forum needs more dark stories.
fixed
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
Vice president of the Yamaku Book Club
Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
An American, 2014

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khhero
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by khhero » Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:53 pm

I opened this a bit ago then my browser crashed and i restarted my laptop for updates, then a few minutes ago I reopened this and I thought it was a good story but dem feels hurt so much here ... and I read some of the comment I almost passed laughing I got so light headed it still hurts!!! ... the miki route stuff sound interesting ...
You should feel special if you're seeing this ... I don't comment much if at all on here I just lurk and read ... and other things... If I have a mistakes it because I have a terrible keyboard on a terrible laptop with terrible spelling skills

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Numb
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Numb » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:12 pm

khhero wrote:I opened this a bit ago then my browser crashed and i restarted my laptop for updates, then a few minutes ago I reopened this and I thought it was a good story but dem feels hurt so much here ... and I read some of the comment I almost passed laughing I got so light headed it still hurts!!! ... the miki route stuff sound interesting ...
I actually have most of the plot points laid out in front if me now, I just need to figure out a way for Hisao to meet her, preferably one that hasn't been done yet. I had one idea involving Hanako, but I am not happy with it yet. No worries though, I have had friends of mine look over the notes and they say it is a great start, even though none have read KS yet! I will leave you with this though, Tanabata happens, and there is drama :D
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Shail
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Shail » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:36 pm

Having fun kicking puppies today I hope?
~I hate endings~ Fan fiction is the only way to keep KS alive!
~The only good ending is a sequel~
~Want to know why I REALLY fucking hate endings? Mirai Nikki Want to know why I love epilogues? Watch the Mirai Nikki OVA
~Mirai Nikki: A perfect example of endings I hate~
Hanako -> Rin -> Shizune -> ? -> ?

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Comrade » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:40 pm

Shail wrote:Having fun kicking puppies today I hope?
You should stop, unless you want SC to nuke you again.
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
Vice president of the Yamaku Book Club
Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
An American, 2014

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Numb » Sun Aug 25, 2013 5:57 pm

Shail wrote:Having fun kicking puppies today I hope?
Look, I understand you don't like endings like this, but please, try not to be judgemental on my style? It is true, I write a lot of dark stories, but I am not limited to them like most people seem to be. Hopefully this shows in the Miki route when I am am happy enough to release it, and I can finish it, but until then, at least leave some constructive feedback?
i don't mean to cause any offence, but judging people based on one thing they wrote is something I have had to deal with in reality, having been sent to therapy because my writing scared my family. It is humorous looking back on it, and I may write something about the experience one day, but I have had enough with being judged on something that doesn't convey my personality in any way.
Sorry for the rant, but I need to vent. I have been under stress recently :(
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Comrade » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:00 pm

Numb wrote:
Shail wrote:Having fun kicking puppies today I hope?
Look, I understand you don't like endings like this, but please, try not to be judgemental on my style? It is true, I write a lot of dark stories, but I am not limited to them like most people seem to be. Hopefully this shows in the Miki route when I am am happy enough to release it, and I can finish it, but until then, at least leave some constructive feedback?
i don't mean to cause any offence, but judging people based on one thing they wrote is something I have had to deal with in reality, having been sent to therapy because my writing scared my family. It is humorous looking back on it, and I may write something about the experience one day, but I have had enough with being judged on something that doesn't convey my personality in any way.
Sorry for the rant, but I need to vent. I have been under stress recently :(
I.agree whole heartily.
If you don't like his style then leave him alone, there is no need to go on a personal attack just because you don't like dark stories.
Founder and cheif librarian ofThe Yamaku Library, A Fan Fiction Archive
Vice president of the Yamaku Book Club
Sea wrote:Comrade, as Khan Bek has convinced me to give Democracy a try.
"French are just Spanish Germans, therefore Mexicans."
An American, 2014

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Lloyd Snow
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Lloyd Snow » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:11 pm

Numb wrote:
Shail wrote:Having fun kicking puppies today I hope?
Look, I understand you don't like endings like this, but please, try not to be judgemental on my style? It is true, I write a lot of dark stories, but I am not limited to them like most people seem to be. Hopefully this shows in the Miki route when I am am happy enough to release it, and I can finish it, but until then, at least leave some constructive feedback?
i don't mean to cause any offence, but judging people based on one thing they wrote is something I have had to deal with in reality, having been sent to therapy because my writing scared my family. It is humorous looking back on it, and I may write something about the experience one day, but I have had enough with being judged on something that doesn't convey my personality in any way.
Sorry for the rant, but I need to vent. I have been under stress recently :(
I don't think Shail meant anything by it. Seems to me like he has a weird sense of humour that doesn't convey too well.

Meaningless internet drama aside, have you ever considered poetry, man? This was pretty damn good, but think if you're going to write something so short to evoke emotion, poetry is definitely the way to go.
I write, you read.
Sound good?

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Oscar Wildecat
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:11 pm

Let's get back to constructive feedback! :mrgreen:
We shared lunch, the same way we always had. We talked about the careers work-cards we had been given in classes, and how she simply put down “Pirate”.
Should that be career work-cards?

Also, (just my personal opinion here), adding a few more line breaks between paragraphs would improve readability somewhat.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” - Winston Churchill
Checkout SordidEuphemism's Logo Thread.

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Numb » Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:35 pm

Lloyd Snow wrote: Meaningless internet drama aside, have you ever considered poetry, man? This was pretty damn good, but think if you're going to write something so short to evoke emotion, poetry is definitely the way to go.
I have actually, and I went through a phase where it was all I wrote. However, considering I am still in school, I have to at least try to maintain social normality, or else be considered a freak. Isolation is good, but isolation with pressure being placed on you by external taunting, even if you don't care for it, causes stress in some form. Hell, I am still in my teens, and I have had gray hair problems! So yes, poetry is something I enjoy, but creative writing such as this fits my style better. I like minimalistic writing, and I like deep detail, hence the odd mixture I have in, if not this one, the majority of my writing. I may actually try to find some of my poetry from when I was just starting writing four years ago, but the majority of my work is gone, never to be retrieved :(

Also, for the corrections spotted by you guys, I will correct them when I am at a computer, my phone isn't the best for editing on :)
Currently working on: Notes for a new project (Coming Soon™)
I did KS and other songs on note blocks in Minecraft: Playlist here
Old works| Rooftops - An Emi Story| Christmas with the Hakamichis | Not Like Him - Rin Perspective|Blossom - A Miki pseudo-route

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by CaptainFalcon » Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:28 am

I rather enjoyed that, even if I am usually a sucker for happy endings :lol:
That aside though I like how you perfectly blended in the past/what happened in the actual VN to the main story you created, which was very well written in my opinion
If you put any more work up in the forums I shall definitely continue to read them ^_^

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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by LayZPanda » Sun Sep 15, 2013 6:12 am

It is very good, that is all I can say. I cannot say that it is amazing otherwise I'll feel bad considering the outcome of the story. But it really is good, spot on from the original game. This can be used for the bad endings of Emi and Rin. But all in all, I would want a good ending as well, where they don't / survive their Cancers and disorders. Really good work seriously.

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Lianam
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Re: Rooftops (An Emi Story)

Post by Lianam » Sun Sep 15, 2013 8:09 am

Lloyd Snow wrote: Hell, I am still in my teens, and I have had gray hair problems!
Wait, really? How much stress are you under? :shock:
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