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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:06 pm
by hyroglyphixs
Great chapter as usual. I'm actually kinda happy that this story is not going to end for a while, with all the new plot points you keep adding in.

Is it weird that I want Lilly to make a triumphant return?

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:07 pm
by bhtooefr
It's been foreshadowed that her return won't be triumphant in some way, that something's been damaged. It's been implied to be her relationship with Hisao, not her friendship with Hanako (although that's been damaged, too), but...

I've got a theory that maybe Hisao's problem isn't whether he likes Hanako or Emi more, but rather whether he likes either of them enough to pursue one of them even singly. As much as he says he is, he's not over Lilly. And Lilly's not over him, either.

This could be very bad for Hanako if he gets back together with Lilly. May even be seen as a betrayal.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:19 pm
by Leaty
Dewelar, you jerk. Here I am, despairing over how the Dec 31 deadline I had set for a new MTB chapter just completely whizzed past me, and here you are posting the second new chapter of Developments in less than a month? On the date that I had intended to post the chapter I haven't yet written?

I'm going to get super hammered because of this. Not because it's New Year's Eve or anything. Because of your update schedule.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:46 pm
by Mournful3ch0
Leaty wrote:I'm going to get super hammered because of this. Not because it's New Year's Eve or anything. Because of your update schedule.
Yes, of course. I'm thoroughly convinced.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:54 pm
by dewelar
Leaty wrote:Dewelar, you jerk. Here I am, despairing over how the Dec 31 deadline I had set for a new MTB chapter just completely whizzed past me, and here you are posting the second new chapter of Developments in less than a month? On the date that I had intended to post the chapter I haven't yet written?
And now you see the advantages of not having to think about chapter titles :wink: .
I'm going to get super hammered because of this. Not because it's New Year's Eve or anything. Because of your update schedule.
What a coincidence. I think I'm doing it because of my update schedule, too.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 10:09 pm
by Oscar Wildecat
bhtooefr wrote:This could be very bad for Hanako if he gets back together with Lilly. May even be seen as a betrayal.
Which may not rule out a "Katawa Yandere" ending yet.

Anyways, I'll think I'll end my final 2013 forum post with a wish that somebody mug Hisao with a Big Foam Cluebat....

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 10:46 pm
by dewelar
Oh, and before I disappear from the boards for 2013, thanks to all for the kind words once again, especially:
OutofBlues wrote:Dew, this update is about as close as I've seen anyone get to the feeling of the original KS in a long time.
Damn...that's one compliment I never thought I'd hear. I will definitely do my best to keep up with the quality in 2014. Happy New Year, everyone!

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:10 pm
by Lost In The Fire
Damn, that was rough.

Great chapter as always. I am curious as to what Hisao means when he says he needs to stop hurting Hanako, but bhtooefr has already spelled out the most likely interpretations for that.

Me thinks either Emi or Hanako finds the phone number, and considering the loops you've thrown us for in the past, I wouldn't be surprised if it is found after Hanako or Emi are eliminated in this race.

Can't wait.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:26 pm
by forgetmenot
Leaty wrote:Dewelar, you jerk. Here I am, despairing over how the Dec 31 deadline I had set for a new MTB chapter just completely whizzed past me, and here you are posting the second new chapter of Developments in less than a month? On the date that I had intended to post the chapter I haven't yet written?

I'm going to get super hammered because of this. Not because it's New Year's Eve or anything. Because of your update schedule.
Agreed. I had hoped to post a new Kagami chapter by the end of the year, buuuuuut that obviously isn't gonna happen.

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

And in an attempt to contribute something to this discussion, I'll say this: Hisao is approaching levels of idiocy comparable to Rin's route at this point. If he doesn't nut up and make a choice (at this point any choice is better than none at all) I can't see how this situation would play out well.

Chekhov's phone number is obvious.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 7:48 am
by Mirage_GSM
Well, the longer this goes on, the harder I find it to see this ending happily for any character.
That phone number is just one more way it all could go down in flames, and it's not like we were lacking those before... Though rationally, just having an unused phone number in one's pocket is quite trivial compared with what just happened with Hanako.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 9:06 am
by Blasphemy
Happy new year! - And it's already starting with a great new chapter :)

I think you did a real good job depicting how a similar scene from the VN would play out in this story. First of all I like how Hisao was still attracted and actually went along for some time, instead of immediately being a, now, already too wise Hisao 'Stu' who immediately shuts down any attempts by Hanako on first sight. After all that would've been too much of a divergence from his character and behavior from the VN. Not just that though, also his actions in this fic; he often times cannot help himself from reciprocating during these moments of passions, like kissing Emi and Hanako, even when he isn't sure if that was the right thing to do afterwards.

Seriously though, you conveyed him getting attracted very well.
After Hanako turns on the light, she quickly closes and locks the door, then removes her cap and jacket, putting them in the closet. Before she turns to face me again, she takes the lock of hair that covers the right side of her face and tucks it behind her ear, the same way she did right before she confessed to me. The considered way in which she does it is quite alluring, and my heart starts to race a bit again.

Eye-catching...
Love the "eye-catching" btw.; shows how he's still self-observant at this point, which makes sense considering how he immediately wonders how to interpret Hanako's request to join her in his room and what a conflict may arise.

You know, looking for more examples in this chapter I have to say like this is a notch up in your writing, there's just so many well written things I'd like to quote. Like the "rational voice" and the "wall".
As I start to caress her breast, I look into Hanako's face again, and I see she's turned away from me entirely, her cheeks bright red, her mouth drawn tightly.
This is also a wonderful breaking point. Makes perfect sense that this would take Hisao aback when he realizes once more that Hanako just ain't ready for s.th. like this and both of them shouldn't be doing it right now anyways. (Question though, is into the right proposition here? "look into Hanako's face")

I could go on and on, but, since I'm gushing too much already, will simply tell you that it's a fantastic chapter in its entirety in my opinion. This was a difficult part to get right and you did so perfectly. Oh and, since I criticized that at some point, you really have many and good descriptions this time around. No complaints about this whatsoever here.


I think the 'Yoshimura' stuff did feel a bit weird though and I'm not a 100% sure if I'm interpreting her part right. I mean what she did was basically a tasteless joke about Hisao being a man-whore, right? If so, I do however wonder why. She doesn't make any mention of Emi and she must be quite judgemental if she not only thinks this bad of Hisao but also goes on to tell him in that kind of way. Which also makes me wonder, "seeing Ikezawa" is supposed to imply having sex with her, right? I'm no native English speaker and not sure if that's a common term for it, just wondering. If that is the implication, then why is she so sure they're actually doing that? Why did she come out of her room, readying a slip with her number, at the exact right time? Did she listen on them/see them in the dorm or do whatever else?

It's nothing unexplainable but dunno, seems a bit sudden to have a more or less new character act like this when we can at best guess the circumstances leading up to that.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 9:41 am
by Mirage_GSM
Which also makes me wonder, "seeing Ikezawa" is supposed to imply having sex with her, right? I'm no native English speaker and not sure if that's a common term for it, just wondering.
Not neccessarily. It's basically the same as "going out with" or "dating."
The way she says it, the sex is probably implied in this case after all.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 10:33 am
by Blasphemy
Yeah that's what I kinda meant. I should've worded that better.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 11:43 am
by dewelar
Blasphemy wrote:Extraordinarily kind words
*bows deeply* Many thanks. Writing this chapter was...draining for me, which is why I haven't been on the boards much this week. Next chapter will be at least somewhat lighter.
I think the 'Yoshimura' stuff did feel a bit weird though and I'm not a 100% sure if I'm interpreting her part right.
I'll see what I can do to help :) .
I mean what she did was basically a tasteless joke about Hisao being a man-whore, right?
Maybe a little, but that wasn't the main point. What I intended was more along the lines of "This Hisao guy has been getting it on with Satou, who has left a number of rejected admirers in her wake, and now maybe Ikezawa, who might not have ever spoken to a guy in her life? Yeah, I want in on that action."
Why did she come out of her room, readying a slip with her number, at the exact right time? Did she listen on them/see them in the dorm or do whatever else?
Throwing a bit of cold water on one of bhtooefr's theories as well: given Hisao's state when he left Hanako's room, he wasn't being particularly quiet. The walls aren't that thin.

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 30 up 12/31]

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:08 pm
by bhtooefr
The trick is that she'd almost certainly know that Lilly left, not that Hisao got bored with her, most likely.

Unless she's just THAT oblivious. Or trolling.

Like we're talking Hisao in Hanako's bad ending ramped up to 11 level oblivious.