Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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bhtooefr
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by bhtooefr » Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:26 am

Aw, shit. I just realized that Hanako's going to trigger a full-on panic attack in Emi, most likely. (Especially considering that while Emi may be the Fastest Thing, Hanako's a grandmaster at the game of avoiding people.)

And Hanako's probably gonna feel horrible about that.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by Blasphemy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:56 am

I can't say I'm liking the somewhat forth wall breaking narration in this story, one that usually has me very immersed. Even if this kind of narration may fit Rin's mannerisms a bit better I'm still not too keen on it. Maybe I'll come around to it but first impression was rather dislike.

Other than that aspect it was certainly an interesting and good read. I was lying in bad browsing some on my phone at like 1:30 a.m. when I saw the chapter update and that certainly turned out to be the wrong time to read this kind of chapter. :shock: So shortly in I gave up and finished it this noon.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by dewelar » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:09 am

First of all, as always, thanks to all for the kind (and not-necessarily-kind) words! I honestly had no idea what the reception to this chapter would be, but it was one of those things that, I felt, could only be done the way it was.
brythain wrote:Now that was one hell of a tour-de-force. It's not normally possible to write that much Rin at one stretch. Are you sure you're still alive? :D
Yes. At least I think so. We could all be not-alive right now, or...

Must get out of Rin-space...
*applause*
Okay, that might be a bit much :wink:.
Also many many Rin-jokes. Or knot.
:) Except that to Rin, many, if not most, if not all, of them are quite serious. Maybe.
bhtooefr wrote:I think my head just asploded. Pure undiluted Rin is... wow. I think I need to drink some more. :shock:
Oh, dear. That's a sign of alcoholism, I hear.
Oscar Wildecat wrote:This chapter was pure unadulterated awesome!!!
Just leaving this here for posterity.
brythain wrote:
Oscar Wildecat wrote:
It was an interesting new perspective, and I collected a few new people that week, but I still never got a good look at the Boy Who Lives Across From Hisao's pants.
:lol:
I read it as 'The Boy Who Lives Across From Hisao's Pants' at first, which cracked me up. It cracked me up when I figured it out and then recracked me when I decided it didn't matter.
And thank you for cracking me up in return!
nemz wrote:Well, this was a pleasant surprise. A bit hard to follow (especially the first few paragraphs), but after a little while it just clicks and it reads smooth as anything, like reading Shakespear and having to make an effort to stop thinking like that after you finish. :lol:
You know, I don't care how loose it is, you never forget the first time your work is compared to Shakespeare's 8).
bhtooefr wrote:
dewelar wrote:That would explain why I remember something about a cat running away from my arms that I don't have, and something about the girl Emi always beats at the track meets.
...the post-Lilly bad end fanfics are colliding.
Coincidence that it happened to be brythain that commented on Rin's scroll?
I think it's time to break out the Woodford Reserve now that I've read this chapter three times.
See? I warned you, but you didn't listen. Oh, wait...
Ranger296 wrote:
Or up to eleven.
Not sure if this was the reference, but it made me think of this :P
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xgx4k83zzc
That is kind of the ur-reference, so yes.
forgetmenot wrote:Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that in terms of pacing, content, and literary merit, this is your best chapter yet. Kudos.
Many thanks.
Blasphemy wrote:I can't say I'm liking the somewhat forth wall breaking narration in this story, one that usually has me very immersed. Even if this kind of narration may fit Rin's mannerisms a bit better I'm still not too keen on it. Maybe I'll come around to it but first impression was rather dislike.
*nods* I knew going in that this might not work (see above), and even if it did work it probably wouldn't work for everyone. In the end, though, I needed a Rin chapter here, and I'd already established the Rin PoV as being a more direct first-person narrative in the Tanabata interlude -- with, yes, the lack of a fourth wall. I know it's a severe stylistic break, but that was intentional. Rin's just...Rin. Frankly, attempting a Rin PoV using her actual internal monologue would be nigh impossible. It would be on the level of trying to condense Ulysses into a size appropriate for a forum post.

Anyway, I'm fine with anyone disliking this chapter. I probably would have been disappointed if at least some people didn't. As Rin herself would say...*shrug*.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:12 am

Emi sighs the sigh that people do
You missed the chance to use "sigh" thrice in one sentence ;-)

Seriously, this is one of the best (first-person) interpretations of Rin that I've read so far.
My only complaint is that it doesn't really fit that well into this storyline with all the 4th wall breaking going on...
But whatever - great job!
you never forget the first time your work is compared to Shakespeare's
So far I didn't get Shakespeare but Geoffrey Chaucer. I think it's a comparable compliment, but I have to admit that Chaucer didn't feature at all in our German school curriculum. Still I agree: It's the kind of compliment you never forget, especially if the source is not usually that generous with compliments^^°
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by bhtooefr » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:21 am

I'll note that it was extremely Rin, seemed rather in character.

And, damnit, I should have known someone would say that after my accusing Akira of being an alcoholic... :lol: (In case anyone is actually concerned, I was joking, FWIW, about having to get drunk because of this story (although I did actually have some bourbon), and I had a grand total of two drinks that whole night... and when I do drink, it's usually one drink in a day (and it tends to be beer, and not very strong as far as alcohol content goes, because the goal isn't getting drunk). :P)
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brythain
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by brythain » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:23 am

bhtooefr wrote:I'll note that it was extremely Rin, seemed rather in character.

And, damnit, I should have known someone would say that after my accusing Akira of being an alcoholic... :lol: (In case anyone is actually concerned, I was joking, FWIW, about having to get drunk because of this story (although I did actually have some bourbon), and I had a grand total of two drinks that whole night... and when I do drink, it's usually one drink in a day (and it tends to be beer, and not very strong as far as alcohol content goes, because the goal isn't getting drunk). :P)
Well, you made me have a finger or two of Glenfiddich in honour of our wee Scottish lass. :)
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by Rhodri » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:43 pm

Christ, I think my brain is trying to melt out of my ear again. I only just got it back into a solid state after seeing the new Evangelion film the other day!

But seriously, very well done. To write Rin and to do it well is a challenge and a half.
"She also ties you up to a chair. You're gonna like that. Chairs are good. Chairs are your friend."

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by sanduba » Wed Jun 11, 2014 3:15 pm

Err... I got a headache reading this. Great job writing a whole chapter with Rin. Rin is the second best character after Kenji. But you refuse to write him in the story, so there's nothing that can be done about it lol.
Best story:
Hanako > Rin > Lilly > Emi > Shizune

best girl:
Lilly > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Rin

Eh, that's my opinion.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by dewelar » Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:39 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Emi sighs the sigh that people do
You missed the chance to use "sigh" thrice in one sentence ;-)
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously, this is one of the best (first-person) interpretations of Rin that I've read so far.
I know you meant that as a compliment, but when I first read it I got more of a "damning with faint praise" vibe :? .
My only complaint is that it doesn't really fit that well into this storyline with all the 4th wall breaking going on...
But whatever - great job!
*nods* That's the thing. It's not supposed to fit. It's a trade-off I was willing to make in order to properly represent Rin.
you never forget the first time your work is compared to Shakespeare's
So far I didn't get Shakespeare but Geoffrey Chaucer. I think it's a comparable compliment, but I have to admit that Chaucer didn't feature at all in our German school curriculum.
Although I know Chaucer more by reputation than by education (I've only read The Canterbury Tales), I would again feel humbled by the comparison...
Still I agree: It's the kind of compliment you never forget, especially if the source is not usually that generous with compliments^^°
Indeed.
sanduba wrote:Err... I got a headache reading this. Great job writing a whole chapter with Rin. Rin is the second best character after Kenji. But you refuse to write him in the story, so there's nothing that can be done about it lol.
Well, technically, Kenji did appear briefly in Interlude 1...and I'm not ruling further appearances out, exactly, but...yeah, I will say with a high degree of certainty that there will not be a Kenji PoV chapter.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:41 pm

but when I first read it I got more of a "damning with faint praise" vibe
Really? How so?
It's true, there aren't as many pirst-person interpretations of Rin, but they are a lot harder to write than stories where she only appears as a side character, so I felt adding the distinction would not devalue the compliment.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by dewelar » Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:55 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
but when I first read it I got more of a "damning with faint praise" vibe
Really? How so?
It's true, there aren't as many pirst-person interpretations of Rin, but they are a lot harder to write than stories where she only appears as a side character, so I felt adding the distinction would not devalue the compliment.
Well, you've decreased the size of the consideration set substantially. "One of the best" of something that numbers in, say, the low double digits (a reasonable guess at the number of first-person interpretations of Rin that you've read) might still be on the "crap" side of Sturgeon's Law :) . I don't think I've read more than two such interpretations that I consider "good". Like I said, in context I knew it was a compliment, but it could be read otherwise.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Leaty
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by Leaty » Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:28 pm

Very, very nice, Dewelar.

(Sorry I haven't been around to comment on your last few chapters—getting out of the military is distracting, and this is the first time I’ve had the energy to begin posting again.)

Anyway, you really have raised the bar for writing Rin here. I was skeptical about a whole chapter written from her perspective, but you handled it beautifully, and I say this as a girl who really doesn’t like Rin that much (at least in her own route.) The fourth wall-breaking thing really didn’t bother me, because while reading I felt like it wasn’t even what you were going for; I thought Rin was addressing different aspects of her own consciousness, not a hypothetical audience.

And her concern for Emi in this chapter was very sweet. I never really liked how in Rin’s route they really underscore that the friendship between Rin and Emi isn’t very deep at all, and that neither of them really gives a shit about the other, so to me this chapter was more real than canon. I really don’t know if I’ll ever play Rin’s route again, and your grasp of her only makes me feel more uncertain; your Rin (even though she isn’t the focus of the fic) is pretty much just better than RinRoute!Rin. at least for my own tastes.

(And I did notice, and appreciate, your choice for Keiko’s last name. It makes me a little warm and fuzzy inside.)

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by dewelar » Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:39 pm

Leaty wrote:Very, very nice, Dewelar.
Thanks!
(Sorry I haven't been around to comment on your last few chapters—getting out of the military is distracting, and this is the first time I’ve had the energy to begin posting again.)
*nods* I think this is the first I knew that you were in the military. That...would definitely explain some of the delays in MTtB.
Anyway, you really have raised the bar for writing Rin here. I was skeptical about a whole chapter written from her perspective, but you handled it beautifully, and I say this as a girl who really doesn’t like Rin that much (at least in her own route.) The fourth wall-breaking thing really didn’t bother me, because while reading I felt like it wasn’t even what you were going for; I thought Rin was addressing different aspects of her own consciousness, not a hypothetical audience.
I...honestly can't take credit for that, but yeah, I can see how it could be interpreted that way, although there are parts that probably can't be taken as anything but meta-commentary.
And her concern for Emi in this chapter was very sweet. I never really liked how in Rin’s route they really underscore that the friendship between Rin and Emi isn’t very deep at all, and that neither of them really gives a shit about the other, so to me this chapter was more real than canon.
*whew* I was beginning to think that the actual story-related bits were being entirely lost beneath the Rin. My take on this is that while they both pass off their friendship in that way, but they support each other an awful lot for people who don't care about each other.
I really don’t know if I’ll ever play Rin’s route again, and your grasp of her only makes me feel more uncertain; your Rin (even though she isn’t the focus of the fic) is pretty much just better than RinRoute!Rin. at least for my own tastes.
Salt. Grain. Taken. I actually played the Rin route straight through while writing this chapter (for the first time since my initial playthrough), and while I'm not necessarily saying this is the case for you specifically, I do wonder how many of those people who have problems with Rin's route might actually have a problem with how Hisao sees Rin (or, really, doesn't see Rin) rather than with Rin herself.
(And I did notice, and appreciate, your choice for Keiko’s last name. It makes me a little warm and fuzzy inside.)
Happy to hear that, Leaty! It's funny, but shortly after writing that chapter, I had occasion to finally get around to reading the whole of For Want of a Nail, and was surprised that even there, where Aoi and Keiko get fairly meaty roles, they're never given family names...
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by WilyWiley » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:09 am

This is just brilliant. This goes on my short list of ks fanfics that I really enjoy. Keep up the great work.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 43 up 6/

Post by griffon8 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 7:00 pm

sanduba wrote:Rin is the second best character after Kenji.
Then why does your sig have Rin last of all the girls?
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