Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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Maradar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Maradar » Thu May 22, 2014 5:02 am

Again, thank you for brightening up my day and making me hate you a little bit more each time you post. I have NO clue at all as to where this is going and it's frustrating. Thanks for the good content and always putting effort into it. Keep up the good work!
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I have a minor arrhythmia and a couple of other heart conditions. Small world.
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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by dewelar » Thu May 22, 2014 12:29 pm

Thanks to all as always for all the kind words! Especially good to see a few names that I've never seen, or haven't seen in a long while.

A few things...
hyroglyphixs wrote:Welp. There goes any possible rekindling between Hisao and Lilly.. I'm pretty sad that that had to happen to my favourite girl, but I can understand why you went down this route.
I appreciate that, and am glad to know I haven't lost all the Lillybros :wink:. More seriously, I am surprised at how few stories there are in the KS-verse that address the ending of a relationship. I hope I did so adequately here.
Maradar wrote:Again, thank you for brightening up my day and making me hate you a little bit more each time you post.
One of the folks I haven't seen in a while, posting one of the best sentiments I can imagine. Glad you're still with me, and cheers!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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forgetmenot
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by forgetmenot » Thu May 22, 2014 12:45 pm

Aaaaand the momentum swings heavily in Hanako's favor.

Honestly, I really like what you've done as far as showing Hanako's progress insofar as how she talks. She stutters less, and seems to be more deliberate with her word choices. Right now, she's also vastly outpacing both Lilly and Emi with how communicative she is of her thoughts and feelings as well. Which is good, because I don't think I could have stood much more teenage melodrama stemming solely from ineffective communication. I'd be happy if Hisao decided to pursue Hanako while still trying to salvage his friendships with both Emi and Lilly (albeit the end of the chapter did a fair amount with respect to the latter), and I think that's what you're setting up - especially with that kiss.

Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't choose then and there.

Well, whatever the case may be, I'm sure it'll be interesting to read. Good work!

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu May 22, 2014 1:31 pm

forgetmenot wrote:Aaaaand the momentum swings heavily in Hanako's favor.
It might be wishful thinking on my part, but I don't think so...
At the moment I see two major conflicts that need to be resolved: One between Hisao and Emi and one between Hanako and Lilly.
This whole chapter Hisao spent most of his inner monologue agonizing over the conflict with Emi, a good part verifying his reaction to Lilly's revelation and only a few lines to a potential relationship with Hanako and those when she directly reminded him.
Knowing Dewelar's writing talent, I don't think this was accidental...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Velitation
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Velitation » Thu May 22, 2014 2:06 pm

Well, I've read through it all. What a roller-coaster. You've got some talent dewelar.

The whole time I felt like there was background music that signified moving on, but was upbeat in some areas and downbeat in others (Crimson did capture that with his music).

At first, the thing that bothered me about this story is that it felt like Hisao was stuck in rebound (and therefore indecision) by only using Hanako and Emi as crutches. That thought went out the window fairly shortly with the constant mentioning of the need to go slow, especially now after the last couple chapters, but it has provided an interesting dynamic between the characters that I haven't really seen in any other KS fan fiction I've read so far. Speaking of which, the number of Chekhov's guns make it look like an armory, as others have mentioned, but I tend to ignore tropes unless they significant detract from the story.

You've definitely taken your time with the development of the characters, and the changes that have been made are gradual and don't invoke that it seems out of character (even with Lilly, for example). The OCs don't hog the show and compliment the story, which helps a lot in this case. I still wish that Mutou had a bit more of an active role with guiding Hisao, but I guess that kinda reflects that this is a post-Lilly arc, where his influence petered out significantly. That being said, there are a manageable amount of characters of which to keep track, so it doesn't seem overwhelming when a new one comes along.

The plot is something that I have seen before, but it works well in regard to the setting and theme. The interesting characters (which have been maintained to a good standard, as I have mentioned) help keep the plot significant and powerful. Must've had a hell of a time researching. :lol:

Anyway, I'll leave my thoughts to those for now. Good luck with the rest of your writing. I look forward to the next chapter.
[fahsign]Velitation[/fahsign] Remember, it's just a game.

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Mahorfeus » Thu May 22, 2014 2:35 pm

Up till now I admit that I thought you were going with the "Hisao and Lilly grow from this experience and get back together" scenario, but this chapter pretty much snuffs out that possibility. Perhaps that is for the best, though.

I suppose what remains to be seen is whether Hisao's concern for Emi is out of love or friendship. The way Emi seems to keep presuming the former without letting Hisao actually say anything still makes me suspicious, though.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

cake307
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by cake307 » Thu May 22, 2014 8:44 pm

I think I've got to agree with Mirage here. It looks, on the surface, like momentum is swinging Hanako's way, but once you look deeper it seems much less likely. Yes, Hisao felt his kiss with Hanako was good, but this chapter and the last time we saw him, He's clearly been fixated on Emi as a whole. I actually think ending the potential to get back together with Lilly may have hurt Hanako's chances too- that was a serious issue that required her to really push, but once she finds out it's not going to happen, and from what Lilly said at the end there, it seems like she'll find out sooner than later, she only has Emi to worry about. She's now aware that Emi is being a bit "odd", at least from Hisao's view, and now he's kissed her and she knows he enjoyed it etc. etc.- I wouldn't put it past her to work harder on her relationship with Lilly now, and for Emi to make a resurgence. I feel this is also more likely based on our last few Hanako/Lilly point of view chapters- they've overwhelmingly been about their relationship with each other, even if the relationship with Hisao was the "tipping point," per se. Basically, I'd say it looks like two things are happening- Hisao and Emi are moving into a climactic event of some kind, and Hanako and Lilly are as well. There are indications Hanako is also moving into a make-or-break with Hisao, but much slower, and much less aggressively than the one with Lilly, or Emi's with Hisao.

Edit: Also, Dewelar, I think you wouldn't have lost most Lillybros- being one myself- as this story is just so very well written and by now any of still reading are definitely into your story. After all, there was no real good reason to suspect they might hook up for the first 20 chapters anyways :P
Last edited by cake307 on Fri May 23, 2014 3:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Deadpool021
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Deadpool021 » Thu May 22, 2014 11:26 pm

Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Liiiiiiiiilllllllllyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! Although I am sad that Hisao doesn't have any feelings for Lily, I'm glad you made it in a way that they don't have a fallout. However I do think maybe Lily had more she wanted to say but chose not to. Great chapter as always and I am looking forward to how things will progress from here.

By the way, what a day Hisao has had. That amount of stress would give me a heart attack and I don't have a heart condition :lol:

bhtooefr
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by bhtooefr » Fri May 23, 2014 4:32 am

I'll note, however, that if Hanako is going to lose Lilly as a friend in the aftermath of this, she's going to fight even harder to keep those friends that she does have.

Which means Hisao, and to an extent, Emi.

Which means, don't count Hanako out yet.
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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by dewelar » Fri May 23, 2014 7:53 pm

Velitation wrote:Well, I've read through it all. What a roller-coaster. You've got some talent dewelar.
*bows* I am honored that you think so.
You've definitely taken your time with the development of the characters, and the changes that have been made are gradual and don't invoke that it seems out of character (even with Lilly, for example).
Thanks. This is one area where I've tried my hardest to make things feel right, and it's always good to hear that I've done it properly :) .
The plot is something that I have seen before, but it works well in regard to the setting and theme. The interesting characters (which have been maintained to a good standard, as I have mentioned) help keep the plot significant and powerful. Must've had a hell of a time researching. :lol:
Actually, the researching has probably been both the most difficult and the most fun part of writing this story. Prior to reading the VN itself, my knowledge of Japanese culture was close to non-existent, and my experience with Japanese media was limited to a few anime series (mostly Dragonball, Sailor Moon and, somewhat randomly, Star Blazers) and a couple of VNs over on Asenheim (mainly Season of the Sakura). I have learned a LOT in ~11 months' time. That, and I am probably opening up and reading scenes from KS probably 5-10 times per chapter...
Anyway, I'll leave my thoughts to those for now. Good luck with the rest of your writing. I look forward to the next chapter.
Thanks!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Carighan
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Carighan » Mon May 26, 2014 8:21 am

I agree with the sentiment that it seems to swing heavily in favour of either ending on a Hanako-Hisao relationship or at least ending on something hinting towards a future with that.

But... much as I thought a few dozen pages back that I'd dislike a "happy ending" in that sense, I feel the way you've written especially Hanako sells it.
And the way you end Hisao's relationship with Lilly is interesting too, though I'm not sure I could see 18y olds end a relationship that way. Still reads really well.

Now, ship us Lilly-Emi and everyone can be happy? ^_^
The strength of heart to face oneself has been made manifest. The persona Carighan has appeared.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by dewelar » Thu May 29, 2014 1:41 pm

Carighan wrote:And the way you end Hisao's relationship with Lilly is interesting too, though I'm not sure I could see 18y olds end a relationship that way. Still reads really well.
Yeah, this was a concern I had, but as you say, the way it came out wound up reading nicely, so I left it that way. My thinking was that because this was the result Hisao expected from his "experiment", he wasn't too affected by it, plus he'd gone through more than enough angst over this already. As for Lilly...well, as you know, with Lilly what you see isn't necessarily what you get, so I'll leave that for later chapters :) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Blasphemy
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Blasphemy » Thu May 29, 2014 5:24 pm

For the most part one has to say that most of the characters have gone through a lot of maturing in KS and this fanfic. Because of that it doesn't even really feel odd when Hisao goes about it that way. I mean the guy has probably been doing an unhealthy amount of thinking about relationships in the last couple weeks ;p

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by Mahorfeus » Thu May 29, 2014 10:02 pm

To be completely honest, I'm still kind of skeptical about Hisao having fallen out of love with her like that, even after everything that has happened. I understand that he's gone through the coping process and everything. I mean, I'm not a certified Love Expert, but that kind of feeling doesn't just come and go. Or maybe I am just being a little naive in that regard.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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hyroglyphixs
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 41 up 5/

Post by hyroglyphixs » Fri May 30, 2014 3:30 am

Mahorfeus wrote:To be completely honest, I'm still kind of skeptical about Hisao having fallen out of love with her like that, even after everything that has happened. I understand that he's gone through the coping process and everything. I mean, I'm not a certified Love Expert, but that kind of feeling doesn't just come and go. Or maybe I am just being a little naive in that regard.
I was thinking the same thing actually. In Lilly's route we clearly see Hisao having extremely strong feelings for Lilly. Would those same feelings just go away after a few weeks? Questionable.

But, it makes sense for Dewelar to make the story go in this direction if he ever wants to wrap anything up :P
"No one knows what the future holds. That's why its potential is infinite" - Okabe Rintarou
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