Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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Leaty
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Leaty » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:39 pm

Good lord. You really stepped up your game for this one.

I was wondering when Emi's own issues would start to surface, and you did an amazing job here. I love Emi and Meiko, and I really appreciated Emi's internal monologue. This is probably the chapter I've liked the most out of the last few; maybe even my favorite chapter thus far. Also, Rin was fun here. I snerked at "Me-pa." I don't read a lot of Rin stuff, but I think your Rin is top-tier.

Really hoping Emi gets a happy ending here. I don't want another Hisao/Hanako ending...

Also, damn, if reading anything Emi-related was gonna make me feel terrible about Bathory in Her Castle, it was going to be this...

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edruil
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by edruil » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:49 am

Leaty wrote:Really hoping Emi gets a happy ending here. I don't want another Hisao/Hanako ending...
This. So much this.

I really hate you for putting Emi through the ringer like this, dewelar -_- I mean, I also love you, because this chapter is excellent beyond even your typically excellent standard, but still. JUST LET THEM BE TOGETHER alksndfalksndf

Col Purplee
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Col Purplee » Fri Apr 11, 2014 2:49 am

Heya dewelar , i just wanted to say that i've loved what you've done so far

however...

We need Akira's POV too! :twisted:

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Blasphemy
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Blasphemy » Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:12 am

Man that was good.
It's not really a lie, but if he takes it the way I want him to take it, then it kind of is.
Really love this sentence.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:58 am

I also think this is one of the best chapters so far. In fact, I think all your Emi PoV chapters have been very good!
Maybe Hisao really would be better off with Hanako. He'll live longer, and he won't have to deal with all your baggage.
I wonder why nobody - not even nurse - pointed out this fallacy to her.
There's no reason to assume that any other girl would be less likely to cause an accident that kills Hisao. Also with Emi he's more likely to keep up his training and healthy eating habits, so he's really less likely to die from such an accident if he is with her.
Really hoping Emi gets a happy ending here. I don't want another Hisao/Hanako ending...
I agree. And not just because I like Emi better:
In your story, when Hisao is with Hanako he is always awkward and on his toes not to say something wrong. I don't think that would make for a very good relationship.
When he is with Emi he is having fun, and he can be himself.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by brythain » Fri Apr 11, 2014 9:23 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I also think this is one of the best chapters so far. In fact, I think all your Emi PoV chapters have been very good!
I agree, and I think there is a natural affinity here between the writer and the subject. :)
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by bhtooefr » Fri Apr 11, 2014 9:24 am

Let's put it this way... I'm a Hanabro, and I think this is going full steam towards a Lilly ending, by sheer process of elimination... except I think "Lilly ending" is a misnomer, if this is going where I think it's going. (And if it is, I actually want it to go this way.)

See, to be a "Lilly ending", that implies that Hisao's the protagonist of the story, and that Hisao dating Lilly again is the ending... and I don't think either of those is true.

I think Emi's the protagonist, and from THAT perspective, I see a Hanako ending coming (and likely not in a romantic sense).
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Mahorfeus
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Mahorfeus » Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:13 am

As she did in the VN, Emi has some serious issues to deal with here. Problem is, I can't even guess as to how she is going to do so. In her route, it took nothing less than Hisao outright confessing his love to get through to her. Here though, she is shutting down not just for her own benefit, but for what she perceives to be Hisao's as well. Nurse and Meiko couldn't seem to reach her, and it sounds like things are just going to get worst at this point. She can't even bring herself to let Hisao finish a sentence, or to at least properly reject him. And now she's planning to exploit a nonexistent loophole to get around her promise to Hanako. Disgraceful.

At this point, I just don't know about an Emi ending. It might sound silly, but I don't want this to be about Hisao fighting for her - he's trying as hard as he can at this point. Heck, it's not even clear about whether he really has chosen her. It should be Emi that is fighting for him; in that respect, this chapter does not bode well for her.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Blank Mage
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Blank Mage » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:55 pm

Emi Route: Challenge Mode!

Great chapter, as always. It makes sense that Emi would have trouble falling in love with someone who could drop dead even before getting in a car accident. (I always thought the VN kinda glossed over that...) Interesting to see it from her PoV, though.
Last edited by Blank Mage on Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by dewelar » Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:01 pm

Leaty wrote:Good lord. You really stepped up your game for this one.

I was wondering when Emi's own issues would start to surface, and you did an amazing job here. I love Emi and Meiko, and I really appreciated Emi's internal monologue. This is probably the chapter I've liked the most out of the last few; maybe even my favorite chapter thus far.
Wow. Thanks.
Also, Rin was fun here. I snerked at "Me-pa." I don't read a lot of Rin stuff, but I think your Rin is top-tier.
I've said elsewhere that of all the KS characters, I probably relate the most to Rin, which is why I specifically did not want her to be the focus of my first fanfic. It would have felt a bit too personal.
Also, damn, if reading anything Emi-related was gonna make me feel terrible about Bathory in Her Castle, it was going to be this...
Not intentional, I assure you. Just a happy side effect :wink: .
Col Purplee wrote:Heya dewelar , i just wanted to say that i've loved what you've done so far
Thanks, glad you're enjoying it!
however...
Uh-oh...
We need Akira's POV too! :twisted:
Heh...I know I got a pretty good response to the one Akira chapter I did way back in...*checks*...Chapter 10, but as it stands things don't look good for there being another any time soon, if ever. You never know when she might pop up, though...
Mirage_GSM wrote:I also think this is one of the best chapters so far. In fact, I think all your Emi PoV chapters have been very good!
That means a lot to me coming from you, whom I consider sort of Emibro #1 of these boards (well, there's also SpunkySix, but...well...you know... :D)
Maybe Hisao really would be better off with Hanako. He'll live longer, and he won't have to deal with all your baggage.
I wonder why nobody - not even nurse - pointed out this fallacy to her.
Trust me, there's a reason.
bhtooefr wrote:I think Emi's the protagonist, and from THAT perspective, I see a Hanako ending coming (and likely not in a romantic sense).
Well...since I came to the world of VNs less than a year ago, I'm still tied to the more traditional meaning of "protagonist". From that perspective, this story has at least three, maybe four (Lilly's kind of in a grey area). As to the VN definition of the word...not sayin' :wink:.
Mahorfeus wrote:As she did in the VN, Emi has some serious issues to deal with here. Problem is, I can't even guess as to how she is going to do so.
I love speculation, but sometimes I think I love this kind of statement even more :D.

Thanks as always for all the kind words!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Col Purplee » Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:11 pm

dewelar wrote:
We need Akira's POV too! :twisted:
Heh...I know I got a pretty good response to the one Akira chapter I did way back in...*checks*...Chapter 10, but as it stands things don't look good for there being another any time soon, if ever. You never know when she might pop up, though...
OMG Yes! I cant wait to see again the best wing..woman (?) in action.

I have really liked how Akira has helped Lilly all this time, specially to make her decision to return

And btw, i only created the account here to post in this thread :^)
Last edited by Col Purplee on Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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griffon8
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by griffon8 » Fri Apr 11, 2014 5:45 pm

As everyone has been pointing out, this is one of your best chapters. My new favorite line is in it:
She raises an eyebrow at me and says, "Emi? No, wait, that can't be Emi, because that person is walking."
dewelar wrote:
Maybe Hisao really would be better off with Hanako. He'll live longer, and he won't have to deal with all your baggage.
I wonder why nobody - not even nurse - pointed out this fallacy to her.
Trust me, there's a reason.
As long as it doesn't actually involve people holding the Idiot Ball, I'll be happy.
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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by dewelar » Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:07 am

Col Purplee wrote:And btw, i only created the account here to post in this thread :^)
And again, I am honored *bows*.
griffon8 wrote:
dewelar wrote:Trust me, there's a reason.
As long as it doesn't actually involve people holding the Idiot Ball, I'll be happy.
Nope...unless I've screwed up something (in which case, I'd be the one holding it :oops:), the answer should already be evident.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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RandomPerson
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by RandomPerson » Thu Apr 24, 2014 11:11 am

Well I like the story, but the thing is the way that emi's problems with hisao seem a bit.... Forced. It's like, you've got hanako, the emotionally traumatised one that if hisao chooses itsgonna take time to build what they and emi already have, a normal realationship where everything seems right, no awkwardness. But then when you were gonna finally get hisao to give up on hanako you got scared and didn't want the 'will they wont they' thing to dry up and make a otherwise basic fanfic. So you made her get scarred and now I have to read a bunch of crap about her not wanting hisao to die like her dad and I feel like your really just prolonging the inevitable that hisao will end up dating emi.

BUT That being said hanako has really annoyed me too, you've tried to make the bit where they actually have sex in the story better.... I mean you've tried to fix it by making hisao reject hanako but you've not followed through. The reason the sex thing was a problem in the actuall game is because it failed, that's what made them stronger and confess to each other. But if he rejects she feels stupid and in what world does emi come and talk to hanako even if emi offered unless she's done it behind hisaos back then it looks like hisao having no balls and emi gagging for any attention she can get from hisao.

Those are the main things that bugged me, apart from those details it is aa good story but it's missing the competitiveness, like hanakos really not even trying, which is ok but don't acct like its a bigger thing than it actually is. Thanks for reading and reply soon
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Blasphemy
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 38 up 4/

Post by Blasphemy » Thu Apr 24, 2014 11:48 am

Thanks for reading and reply soon
Yeh, better hurry up dewelar, wouldn't wanna get into trouble with this guy! :lol:

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