Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Mahorfeus » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:54 am

Well, that was certainly unexpected. I actually like how Noriko turned out there. I had kind of assumed that she'd be some malevolent monkey wrench in the grand scheme of things (for all I know she might turn out to be one anyway), but she was surprisingly and refreshingly straightforward here. Funny that she might have actually helped Hisao out here.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by dewelar » Fri Mar 28, 2014 1:49 pm

Thanks to all for the kind words! I wasn't sure what the reaction would be to Noriko here, but I'm glad the feedback has been generally positive. Granted, some of her biggest detractors haven't chimed in yet, so I might still take a hit or two, for which I was, and still am, totally prepared :).

Going back to a comment from last cycle:
Leaty wrote:I like to pretend that MTB is roughly in harmony with the other fics I enjoy, but only in very broad strokes.
I think I'm the same. As I mentioned, if I ever need the 3-1 class rep to show up, I will be dropping a PM to Helbereth.
Makes me so happy you like Momomi, though, Dewelar. Hopefully I'll get to write her again soon...
Me, too. I do hope we get the chance to see what makes her tick somewhere down the road.
inthewind wrote:
dewelar wrote:"[...] You don't happen to know Katayama, do you?"
I love how many implications are made and broken in just that exchange. It's the subtlety of these interactions that I find so fascinating. Thanks for doing what you do.
You're quite welcome. Glad you're enjoying it!
brythain wrote:Noriko hard to access since non-canonical. (I like Noriko's characterisation because it is grounded in what feels like psychological reality.)
Well, technically Noriko is more canonical than, say, Natsume, because she got her VNAG credit in KS and Natsume didn't :) . That said, Noriko is kind of an example of reverse character engineering, in that the character traits came into my head first, and the motivation later. Experiments are ongoing.
Mournful3ch0 wrote:It took me a while to place the name, but the allusion is definitely intriguing and offers some insight. I wonder if there will be a Rika encounter sometime around chapter 70 or so ;)
*laughs*
Blank Mage wrote:And your updates are like clockwork.
*runs off to research a counter-jinx*
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Oscar Wildecat
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:09 pm

Mahorfeus wrote:Well, that was certainly unexpected. I actually like how Noriko turned out there. I had kind of assumed that she'd be some malevolent monkey wrench in the grand scheme of things (for all I know she might turn out to be one anyway), but she was surprisingly and refreshingly straightforward here. Funny that she might have actually helped Hisao out here.
I agree with this statement. She'll definitely be a spanner in the works, there's too much effort put into developing her character for her not to be. However, at least we know that her motives are not trollish. Trollopish maybe, but not trollish.

What's bad is that there's now 1% of me that hopes that this turns out to be a Noriko route....
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by dewelar » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:27 pm

Oscar Wildecat wrote:Trollopish maybe, but not trollish.
So you're saying she's Tananda, not Chumley?
What's bad is that there's now 1% of me that hopes that this turns out to be a Noriko route....
My friend and I had a discussion on how long it would take for someone to say something along these lines. The over/under was 12 hours, and she had the over :(.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by bhtooefr » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:48 pm

themocaw wrote:“Every day is a gift, every hour is golden, every minute is a diamond."
Seems appropriate for Noriko somehow, even though it's a Saki quote.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by hyroglyphixs » Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:03 pm

Loved the new chapter :)

I also loved Noriko as well. She went from "why is she even in this story?" to a very real and thought provoking character. As always, keep up the good work :D
"No one knows what the future holds. That's why its potential is infinite" - Okabe Rintarou
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griffon8
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Re: Developments, Chapter 37

Post by griffon8 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:08 pm

And another great chapter in continuing saga of Developments.

Great job with Noriko. Did not expect so much depth to her. Nice to know that if all of Hisao’s juggling comes crashing down, there’s one person who won’t care and will give him a tumble. Because that’s important. :roll: :wink:

On to the mistake:
dewelar wrote:It didn't look like you were injured anything, but you never know."
Either drop ‘were’, or add ‘or’ after the bolded part.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments, Chapter 37

Post by dewelar » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:21 pm

To all: The continued outpouring of Nori-love is both unexpected and cool. Thank you very much. *bows deeply*
griffon8 wrote:On to the mistake:
dewelar wrote:It didn't look like you were injured anything, but you never know."
Either drop ‘were’, or add ‘or’ after the bolded part.
Fixed, thanks!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Leaty
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Leaty » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:52 pm

dewelar wrote:My friend and I had a discussion on how long it would take for someone to say something along these lines. The over/under was 12 hours, and she had the over :(.
You win, actually. Quickly after you posted the chapter, I was going to post something like "Welp, Nori has just skyrocketed to being my favorite character in this fic," but I felt like you deserved a less laconic response than that, and I didn't have the time/energy to say anything more, so I went to bed.

This was really an excellent chapter, and I get the feeling you were champing at the bit to finally get around to writing it, so that's good. "Alienation" seemed to be the theme of this chapter, at least from Hisao's perspective; his indecisiveness, for the lack of a better word, along with Lilly's reentry into his life seems to have created significant distance between himself and the women he cares about. His relationships with Emi and Lilly in this chapter (and even of Nurse, perhaps,) took on an unusual and uncomfortable stiffness, and for Nori to just sort of slither in at the end of the chapter, like a raccoon wandering into a rec room through a screen door left halfway open, and make advances at Hisao kind of elegantly emphasizes the passive undercurrent of wrongness in this chapter. Nori doesn't "belong" in Hisao's life—or at least the reader feels that way, since she's foreign in all but name to the Katawa Shoujo experience and even in this fic she wanders in rather late—so her presence here sort of illuminates the subtext that something is broken.

As for Nori herself, I find myself really fond of her. I don't think I'll ever be able to think of the bit character from the VN as anybody but Noriko, so you should be proud of your accomplishments here. Though I don't expect it to happen, I have no shame in telling you that now I kind of want to see Hisao end up with her in the end. Her forward, devil-may-care attitude is really endearing to me, and I hope she'll make a few more appearances before the fic is over.

Now that we know what kind of person Noriko is, my earlier comment about Iwanako "becoming the blowjob queen of Yamaku Academy" seems to have gained new subtext...

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Mar 29, 2014 2:00 pm

dewelar wrote:
Blank Mage wrote:And your updates are like clockwork.
*runs off to research a counter-jinx*
I'm sure Real Life (TM) will throw a wrench in your plans and the next chapter will be at least twice as long in the making.

You're welcome.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by dewelar » Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:56 am

Leaty wrote:
dewelar wrote:My friend and I had a discussion on how long it would take for someone to say something along these lines. The over/under was 12 hours, and she had the over :(.
You win, actually. Quickly after you posted the chapter, I was going to post something like "Welp, Nori has just skyrocketed to being my favorite character in this fic," but I felt like you deserved a less laconic response than that, and I didn't have the time/energy to say anything more, so I went to bed.
I tried to convince my friend of your logic, but sadly she wasn't swayed in the least.
This was really an excellent chapter, and I get the feeling you were champing at the bit to finally get around to writing it, so that's good.
Thanks. There are so many things I want to say about this story, but can't...yet, but I can say that I see this chapter as part of a suite, starting with 36 and going through what's currently on my outline as Chapter 40, and yeah, it's been percolating in my head for quite a while :) .
"Alienation" seemed to be the theme of this chapter, at least from Hisao's perspective; his indecisiveness, for the lack of a better word, along with Lilly's reentry into his life seems to have created significant distance between himself and the women he cares about.
*nods* I forget who it was (might have been Blasphemy), but someone said that whereas the drama in KS itself came from things that were hidden, the drama in this story comes from things being out in the open. Given the nature of the characters, there was no way it could remain that way throughout, and so we have this.
As for Nori herself, I find myself really fond of her. I don't think I'll ever be able to think of the bit character from the VN as anybody but Noriko, so you should be proud of your accomplishments here. Though I don't expect it to happen, I have no shame in telling you that now I kind of want to see Hisao end up with her in the end. Her forward, devil-may-care attitude is really endearing to me, and I hope she'll make a few more appearances before the fic is over.
Again, thanks. Whether or not Noriko will reappear...that's one of those things I can't say. As for Hisao x Noriko...well, if I went that route, I'd be tempted to write them a Thelma & Louise ending which...hmmm... :wink:
Now that we know what kind of person Noriko is, my earlier comment about Iwanako "becoming the blowjob queen of Yamaku Academy" seems to have gained new subtext...
*laughs*
Mirage_GSM wrote:
dewelar wrote:
Blank Mage wrote:And your updates are like clockwork.
*runs off to research a counter-jinx*
I'm sure Real Life (TM) will throw a wrench in your plans and the next chapter will be at least twice as long in the making.
And there you have it! When the next chapter comes out in 2017, we can all blame Mirage! Thanks!
Mirage_GSM wrote:You're welcome.
:D
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Carighan
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Carighan » Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:29 am

You did push Noriko from obnoxious to really interesting rather quickly there, yes.

Though personally I think she's good at what she is right now, because if she becomes more prominent it'd be too sudden. Ofc, you present her as someone who doesn't wait one second to act on her impulses, but still... it'd be rather disruptive.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:10 pm

For what it's worth, I don't think she'd be a good match for Hisao, and I don't think it'd be good for Hisao to go that route.

For one thing, she's got the manic pixie dream girl vibe to her, and far worse than even Emi does, and the last thing Hisao needs is someone who he can follow without getting his own sense of direction.

And, while she may be a far more likable character now, that doesn't mean that her personality would be a good match for Hisao's. Granted, it seems subtly different than Rika's - Rika seems to actively challenge death, whereas Noriko seems to want to get the most she can out of life even if it accelerates her death.
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Mon Mar 31, 2014 2:47 pm

bhtooefr wrote: For one thing, she's got the manic pixie dream girl vibe to her, and far worse than even Emi does, and the last thing Hisao needs is someone who he can follow without getting his own sense of direction.
That's why the remaining 99% of me ends up not hoping that it will be a Noriko route. That said, I think he needs friends like her in his life -- to call him out on his indecisiveness. Admittedly, there's Yoshi. But, in addition to his Yuuko-itis, he doesn't get along well with Rin, which puts him at odds with Emi. On the other hand, Noriko at least has the potential to get along with Emi (given that Emi didn't react too negatively to Hisao interacting with her) -- but at the cost of causing a misstep with Hanako and Lilly.

So, does Hisao go with the Angel's advice, or the Devil's?
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Neutral End) - Chapter 37 up 3/

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Mon Mar 31, 2014 2:49 pm

For him and her to work it would have needed to be only her from the start like a route. Since Hisao changes to match the girls more route to route he would change to match her more and adopt a more carefree attitude and become a better match for him
Wahahaha~.
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