Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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sanduba
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by sanduba » Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:07 pm

Am still in chapter 16, but I'm a fast reader, I can catch up until sunday :P
Best story:
Hanako > Rin > Lilly > Emi > Shizune

best girl:
Lilly > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Rin

Eh, that's my opinion.

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Blasphemy
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by Blasphemy » Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:09 am

Blasphemy wrote:I actually really can't quite tell how much Hisao and Hanako want to talk to Lilly about any of this or even at all; the same applies vice versa. I imagine after the last couple calls all of 'em wouldn't be too keen on calling again, I'd say especially Lilly, who had a bit of finality in her last chapter, would want some time to pass before picking up those conversations again. I'm talking a few weeks at most, nothing too extreme.
Didn't quite expect this phone call, but it going the way it does makes perfect sense to me. It's understandable that Hanako took Lilly's "he and I are done"-speech at face value and she has no one else to talk to — in that regard she's in a worse position than Hisao. But as discussed by you guys already, it'll ultimately feel like twisting the knife. I mean Hanako is telling Lilly that she just confessed to her boyfriend of a week or two ago (one always has to keep in mind that not much time has actually passed so far) and that said boyfriend may also be pursuing another additional girl, Emi, on top of it.

However, that's one of those situations that Lilly's attitude allow to happen. Because of the facade she always puts up its easier to not consider what she might really feel, especially during phone calls where you're missing her countenance and gestures. Overall I find it quite interesting that Lilly is already getting involved like this again. She wanted to give her whole relationship an end with finality and did her symbolic "I'm gotta put away his music box present" act. Unfortunately however Lilly, your feelings won't go away quickly. Hanako then basically broke Lilly's attempt to remove herself from the situation for now.

It's also interesting that she gets especially agitated when Hanako tries to tell her where she may have gone wrong:
It didn't have to be that way, Lilly. You just made it that way.

"But...if you'd let yourself be less careful...you and Hisao might s-still be...together."
I think it's a fairly common trait for someone who's usually the one giving advice all the time to somewhat snap in situations like this to go the "Oh YOU want to lecture ME now? Now THAT has to be a joke." route. Sometimes these people are able to criticize and give advice like there's no tomorrow, but don't you dare ever telling them what to do or were they went wrong. I can totally see Lilly having this attitude in her friendship with Hanako. Lilly may feel that "blow" especially hard because what Hanako says concerns her broken up relationship with Hisao, even "daring to suggest" that Lilly had the choice to prevent all that. A choice that Lilly is well aware of, at least in the back of her mind, and constantly regrets not having taken. Hanako is on point, which makes it just the harder for Lilly to not react the way she ultimately does.
And man, as Mirage says, that is quite the low blow.
"If you're saying that the way to Hisao's heart is to throw caution to the wind, perhaps Ibarazaki is his type after all."
First of all Lilly's basically mocking Hanako for her relationship advices and then couples that with the suggestion — not even that — just the idea that Emi may be the one suited for Hisao. Outsch...
Even if Hanako understands that Lilly didn't actually mean it and said it in the heat of the moment, this is still Hanako we're talking about and her anxiety and self-loathing issues will do their best to bring these words to the surface of her mind again and again. How much depends of course. Hanako has grown quite a bit, yet that'll hurt her.

Nice chapter, made me think a lot as you can see ;P

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:32 am

First of all Lilly's basically mocking Hanako for her relationship advices and then couples that with the suggestion — not even that — just the idea that Emi may be the one suited for Hisao. Outsch...
Even if Hanako understands that Lilly didn't actually mean it and said it in the heat of the moment, this is still Hanako we're talking about and her anxiety and self-loathing issues will do their best to bring these words to the surface of her mind again and again. How much depends of course. Hanako has grown quite a bit, yet that'll hurt her.
It's also very much unlike Lilly to say things she hasn't thought through beforehand. Yes, she is in an agitated state right then, but for her to say something like that to Hanako by [/i]accident[/i] is...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by dewelar » Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:42 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:It's also very much unlike Lilly to say things she hasn't thought through beforehand. Yes, she is in an agitated state right then, but for her to say something like that to Hanako by accident is...
...in large part intended to show just how off-balance Lilly is about the situation, akin to losing her composure when she tripped over Kenji.
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by Blasphemy » Fri Nov 01, 2013 11:18 am

Mirage_GSM wrote: It's also very much unlike Lilly to say things she hasn't thought through beforehand. Yes, she is in an agitated state right then, but for her to say something like that to Hanako by [/i]accident[/i] is...
Eh, I guess we can agree to disagree then.

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by sanduba » Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:25 am

can't believe Hanako was quicker than Emi... but bro you're already in chapter 23 and shit just started.. completation date will probably be june/2015.
Best story:
Hanako > Rin > Lilly > Emi > Shizune

best girl:
Lilly > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Rin

Eh, that's my opinion.

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by dewelar » Sat Nov 02, 2013 11:35 am

sanduba wrote:can't believe Hanako was quicker than Emi... but bro you're already in chapter 23 and shit just started.. completation date will probably be june/2015.
First of all, thanks for reading. I hope you've enjoyed the story thus far.

As for timing...I really have no time frame for writing this story, but if I'm still writing it a year and a half from now, something will have seriously gone off the rails :) .
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 22 up 10/31]

Post by Feurox » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:47 pm

dewelar wrote:
sanduba wrote:can't believe Hanako was quicker than Emi... but bro you're already in chapter 23 and shit just started.. completation date will probably be june/2015.
First of all, thanks for reading. I hope you've enjoyed the story thus far.

As for timing...I really have no time frame for writing this story, but if I'm still writing it a year and a half from now, something will have seriously gone off the rails :) .
To be honest I would say the pacing is actually top-notch, but obviously that's just my opinion :D, Big fan so far ;) <3

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Developments, Chapter 23

Post by dewelar » Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:31 am

Okay, Ibarazaki. So, these past couple of days haven't been the best days of your life, but they've been far from the worst.

So, here I am on a Friday evening, and I'm sitting in my room doing what? Reading stupid college brochures. Why? Because one, I can't run; two, it might get Mom off my case for a while; and three, I'm just. That. Bored. Rin's been gone all day, and I've placed Hisao off limits to myself, so here I am.

I also really have no desire to go home tonight. If the nurse hasn't already called Mom about my leg, she's going to notice the limp, or the lack of sleep. She might even ask me how things are going with Hisao, and that's a conversation I don't even want to start at this point.

Why did it have to be Hanako?

Of all the people to confess to Hisao, it had to be the one he's already got history with. That's not to mention the fact that she's the type that guys always seem to go for – mysterious, shy, great body, nice hair, and in Hisao's case he probably gets to be her first. That's an uphill battle in my book.

Still, I suppose if I'm going to be sabotaging my own chances with Hisao, the universe might as well cooperate. I mean, of course I had to encourage Hisao to spend time with her, right? And of course the day I get myself hurt is the same day she confesses to him. And of course I can't even run to clear my own head.

At least I'm still not banned from walking – all I'd need right now is for the nurse to put me in a damn wheelchair – so I head over to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat. I haven't been home for a couple days, and I hate that microwave crap, so it's this or nothing. On my way, I swing by the art room. Sure enough, I see Rin there, sleeping on one of the tables.

"Hey, Rin!" I call from the doorway. "Have you eaten anything today?"

Without moving, she calls back, "Since I know you won't believe me if I say yes, I'll just let you fuss. It's easier."

I leave, coming back with dinner for the both of us. Rin is already sitting up, so I pull a stool over and put her food and juice box down in front of her. As usual, by the time I finish eating, she's only had a few bites. If there's going to be talking, it's now. "Rin, I was wondering if you'd be willing to answer a question."

"Okay."

"Do you think it's possible to be too close to someone?"

Rin cocks her head, thinking. "Not sure. I'd prefer to wait until after we eat to find out, though."

Pitfall: 1; Ibarazaki: 0

"That's not what I meant, and besides, I kinda know the answer to that one."

"Oh. What is it?"

As I can see I've already lost this one, I decide to go in a different direction. "Okay, let me try something else."

"You should answer me first. It's only fair."

I can feel fists forming, but I think I've got this one. "Okay. Yes. It is possible, sometimes, but not always."

Rin looks at me for a moment, then shrugs. "I think I may have won that round. Should I quit while I'm ahead?"

"Don't I even get a chance to get even?"

"Maybe. But what if you odd get a chance to get odd?"

Pitfall: 2; Ibarazaki: 0

"Never mind. It was a stupid question to begin with." Rin shrugs again, and I pick up the trash from dinner. It's already starting to get dark, so I ask Rin, "Are you coming back to the dorm? I can walk with you."

Rin shakes her head. "Still have work to do here."

"Okay, fine, but if you fall asleep here again, don't expect another back massage." Since Rin is already looking at something on an easel, she probably didn't even hear me. I roll my eyes as loudly as I can before walking out. After I get back to the dorms, I watch some TV in the common room before going to bed.

When my alarm goes off the next morning, I almost decide to go back to sleep. Being down at the track watching Hisao is a little like torture for both of us. Still, a promise is a promise, so I head into the shower. I'm a little later than usual by the time I get ready, but still earlier than our schedule, so it's no problem.

I make my way down to the track, but as I reach the top of the hill I see something that sends a shiver up my back. Hisao is already out running, and it looks like he's got his pace way up.

Ooookay, so maybe it IS a problem.

I start to quicken my own pace, jogging down the hill. And then...Hisao stumbles.

Shit...

He falls down to the track, clutching his chest...

Nonononononononononononono...

Injury be damned, I run down the hill at full speed. By the time I reach the track, my leg is barking with every step, but I don't stop until I'm kneeling next to Hisao. I lean down, and I can hear him breathing, which is a relief, but it's pretty ragged, which isn't.

"Hisao? Can you hear me?"

For a second, there's no response, and my own heart starts to jump a little. My mind races, wondering if there might be something in the track shed that I can use to get Hisao up that hill.

Damn it, why didn't I just bring my phone?

Then, finally, Hisao nods once, and I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Can you move?" I ask.

"I..." he says between labored breaths, "I think so. Just...give me a minute..."

Okay, he can talk. That's a good sign, I think.

"Just let me know when you're ready, and I'll help you."

After a few more seconds, Hisao opens his eyes and looks at me. "Don't...worry...I can..."

"Like hell you can, Hisao, and even if you could I won't let you. No arguments. I'm helping you to the nurse's office."

"But...your leg..."

"...isn't as important as getting you to the nurse. Now shut up and let me help."

Did you actually just say that, Ibarazaki?

You shut up, too. This is no time to worry about that.


Hisao doesn't say anything else, but he does have the strength to roll his eyes. Good enough for me. After a few moments, he starts to roll himself off his side and onto his hands and knees. It's obviously an effort, and he stops again, breathing heavily.

"Just...don't try and do anything too fast, Hisao. I'm right here."

After another...time of some length, Hisao lifts his left arm towards me. I take it and put it over my shoulders while putting my right arm around his waist, like I did the other day, and try to stand. My leg, unsurprisingly, decides it's not going to cooperate, and shoots a bolt in the general direction of FUCK THAT HURTS. "Hisao, I'm going to need you to work with me here. We're both going to have to lift at the same time."

Hisao nods, an odd mixture of smile and grimace on his face. "You're the...captain of this team. I'm just...taking orders."

How the hell do you do that, Hisao? Make me smile even at a time like this?

"All right, Hisao, on three. One...two...THREE!" It takes a few seconds, but between us we get to our feet. For once, I'm glad I'm not wearing my blades, because I don't think they'd support this much weight. I look down at my walking legs, but they don't look like they're going to give out or anything. "It's a...rrrrnngh...good thing you're not heavy, Hisao. Now, let's get up that hill!"

The walk up to the auxiliary building is a little less eventful than the past few minutes, but it's still pretty tough going. Since the ground is uneven, every step has to be carefully placed so we don't get unbalanced. As we make our slow progress, I'm feeling a little less weight across my shoulders. Still, I'm not even going to think about letting go and trying to do that all over again.

When we finally get to the building, I move toward the wall of the hallway so that Hisao can lean on it and take the pressure off of me. After another minute or so, we finally get to the door to the nurse's office. I knock with as much force as I can muster, combined with a nice, forceful "Nurse! Get out here now!"

As we wait for the door to open, Hisao says, "I'm...sorry, I shouldn't..."

"Yeah, Hisao, I'll yell at you about it later. Nurse!"

Finally, the door opens. "Okay, fireball, the dead are awake now, s-Nakai! What happened?" The nurse gets under Hisao's other arm, and the two of us get him into the office and onto a chair.

"When I got to the track this morning, he was running, and then I saw him collapse and grab his heart, and so I ran down and helped him get back here, so please don't get mad at me for running but I had to help and..."

"I...get the picture," the nurse says, interrupting my torrent. He then points at me, "You, stay here. Once I'm done with Mr. Nakai here, I'm going to have a look to see how much damage you did."

I find a chair myself, because the adrenaline is starting to wear off and I'm feeling seriously sore. The problem is that I'm also nervous, so I wind up playing with random stuff on the nurse's desk while he's examining Hisao in the next room. I can't even focus on what he's saying, but it sounds like one of his typical "be careful" speeches, complete with a sprinkling of horrible jokes. Finally, he comes back through the curtain and focuses on me, a look of sympathy on his face.

When the nurse is done looking at my leg, he says, "Well, at least you didn't do too much damage here. There's a little bruising, but nothing serious, and the prosthetic looks fine. Now, why didn't you just call someone for help instead of dragging him up here yourself?"

"Because...I...didn'thavemyphonewithme."

The nurse rolls his eyes. For once, I can't blame him. "Well, at least you're both alive, so my head's not going to be on the chopping block. I told Hisao to stay back there for a few hours and I'll check him out again. Now go back to the dorm and get some rest yourself. See if you can't stay off the leg as much as you can for the rest of the day."

"Can I...talk to Hisao first?"

The nurse raises an eyebrow. "Hmm. I suppose so. Just remember what I said about you both being alive," he says with a grin.

"I...may not be able to promise that," I say weakly, returning his grin, and he chuckles as I go through the curtain. Hisao is lying on the bed, his eyes closed. I don't say anything for a second while I try and listen to his breathing. It seems almost back to normal, so I gently lay a hand on his arm.

Hisao opens his eyes long enough to see that it's me, then closes them again. He takes a deep breath before saying, "Okay, captain, I'm ready to hear how many decks I'll have to swab." There's just the hint of a smile playing across his face.

"All right, Hisao. I'm not going to yell, because I don't want to kill you...yet. Now, you're going to tell me in as few words as possible what the hell you thought you were doing out there."

Hisao sighs heavily, not opening his eyes. "I thought, maybe, if I was out there by myself with no distractions, I might be able to actually get my head clear. It seemed like it was working, too, but I...lost track of how fast I had to go for that to happen. I'm really sorry."

"So...heh, I guess you're just as stupid about this stuff as I am. I'm not sure whether to be furious about that or just relieved that you're okay." I take a deep breath, then continue, "You're lucky, Hisao, because I don't have the energy for furious right now." I give Hisao as much of a hug as I can. "You're starting to pick up my bad habits, you jerk."

Just like I've been picking up yours.

Hisao wraps his near arm around me, and for the first time today something feels good. "Heh...I guess I should be sorry about that, too. I'm just glad you were there this morning. Who knows how long I might have been lying there if you weren't? You might have even saved my life."

I can feel my cheeks redden as he says that, and I'm really glad his eyes are closed. "Hey...a captain's got to look out for her crew, right?" I say before quickly pushing myself away. "Anyway, the nurse said you were gonna stay here for a few hours. Is there anything you need?"

"Well, he said I can take my medications when I get back to my room, but there's some books that need to go back to the library before it closes."

"I can do that." At the risk of whatever's left of my dignity, I ask, "Were you...planning on meeting Hanako for lunch today?"

Even with his eyes closed, I can see him wincing. "Not unless I came up with an answer for her, which I haven't."

A very small part of me that I'm a little ashamed to say I have celebrates quietly. "You should still...let her know what happened, though."

Hisao shakes his head. "Not...until I'm ready to talk to her. I told her I wouldn't come to the tea room until then. I...don't want to make another mistake."

"So, what, she doesn't even know whether you're coming or not? And...you're both okay with that?"

"Heh, when you say it that way I guess it sounds kind of strange, but that's...how it is."

I shake my head, not sure I understand the whole deal. "If you say so. Anyway, I'll need your room key." Hisao reaches into his pocket, pulls the key out and hands it to me. "I'll be back when I'm done. And Hisao?" I lean in close again and whisper in his ear with my best threatening voice, "Don't ever do something like this again."

"I won't...if you won't."

I wince at that and step back. "I...yeah, okay, touché and all that. We'll...talk about this another time."

After telling the nurse what I'm doing, to which he responds "Fine, but no running!" to which I respond by sticking my tongue out, I head up to the boys' dorm. I let myself into Hisao's room, and the sheer blandness of it still makes me a little queasy.

We are sooooo fixing this next week.

I see the pile of books on his desk. There's only a few, so I grab them, lock the door, and head for the library. When I get there, the return bin is overflowing, so I put them on the counter next to a bunch of larger stacks. "Hey, Yuuko! I brought these back for Hisao Nakai!" From somewhere behind the mountains, I hear a muffled voice say, "thnku."

I'm about to leave, when a little voice inside my head tells me I should look for Hanako. Hisao may not want to talk to her, but I'd feel bad if she was just hanging around waiting to see if he'd show up. "Yuuko, have you seen Hanako in here this morning?"

"nthbk"

"Huh?"

"n. th. bk."

"I still didn't get that."

After a couple seconds, a hand comes out from among the piles of books and points toward the back of the library. "Oh, in the back. Yeah, I shoulda figured that. Thanks!"

As I head through the shelves in the direction Yuuko pointed. I'm not even sure I've ever been back there – I think it's mostly places to sit and read. I start to wonder how I should even approach Hanako. I don't even know what Hisao's told her about his condition, or about me. I decide that if I do find her, I'll just keep to the basics.

As I round the last set of shelves, I see Hanako sitting on a beanbag against the back wall. She's the only person here, and she's got her face buried in...a book about chess? Before I get too close, I call her name as quietly as I can while still making sure she can hear me. "Hanako?"

She looks up at me and jumps a little. "E-Emi? W-what..."

I can't make out the rest of what she says because she's talking so softly, but at least I know I've got her attention. I walk slowly towards her, half-expecting her to bolt like I've heard she does sometimes. She doesn't, but I can see her eyes darting around, only looking at me sideways. "Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to startle you! I...just came back here to tell you something."

Hanako seems to try to bury herself in both her beanbag and her book at the same time. It's one of those things that Rin would mull over in her head for days. "I-it's...about...H-Hisao, isn't it?"

"Yeah. He...actually didn't want me to tell you, but I thought you should know." Hanako looks...oddly at me, but she doesn't say anything back. "He's...at the nurse's office. He'll be there for a few hours, so...don't expect him to be at lunch."

Whatever look Hanako's got on her face goes through a few different emotions, but ends up on concern...I think. "It's his h-heart, isn't it? D-did...you...did you p-push him..." It looks like she's getting...angry?

"Oh! No!" I say, maybe a little too quickly. "I...um...I actually found him lying on the track, and I helped him get to the nurse's office. He got down there before me for once, and..." I'm going to stop trying to explain this now. "...and, um, he should probably tell you the rest himself."

Hanako looks at me, and I still can't quite pick out an emotion on her face. Finally, she says, "Th-thanks...for t-telling me..." and then, so quietly I almost miss it, adds, "...and...for...getting H-Hisao t-to the...the nurse."

I'm not sure how to respond to that. "Right...no problem. I'll...just..."

I start to back up, nearly tripping over a beanbag in the process. Before I get too far, I hear Hanako's voice, a little louder this time, say, "Emi?"

"Huh?"

Hanako puts her book down in her lap and looks me in the eye for the first time since I got here. "D-do y-you...do you...l-like...Hisao?"

...

Oh, crap. I...so did not expect that question. What the heck do I...


"Y-you...do. I c-can...can see it..."

Hearing that from Hanako feels like being kicked in the gut. Needing to sit down, I decide to finish the falling-into-the-beanbag thing I started earlier. I look at Hanako, waiting for her to continue.

"And...y-you...p-probably know...that...that..." Hanako's face looks pained, like she's fighting herself just to talk to me, like finishing the thought might break her somehow.

Maybe it would.

"That...you like him, too?" Hanako nods slightly. "Yeah, I know."

"G-good. I-It's...good to kn-now...where w-we...s-stand. Y-You should...know...I...I'm...not...g-going to...give up on Hisao...n-not this time."

This time?

I smile at Hanako. "You're right. It is good to know where we stand. Listen, I think you're a really nice person, and I don't want you to think I hate you or anything, but I really hope you're not asking me to give him up for you."

"No!" Hanako says, nearly shouting. It kinda makes me jump a little. "I mean I...d-don't want that. N-nobody should...have to do that." She seems really passionate about this, saying it more forcefully than I've ever heard her say anything.

"You're right about that. Let's just say right now that neither one of us will ever ask the other one to do that. Agreed?"

I hold out my hand to Hanako, and for a moment she looks like she's not going to accept it. She looks at me, then at my hand, then back to me. After a few seconds, she finally extends her hand to me, and for the first time I notice that her scars extend to the back of her hand as well.

That would explain some things. I wonder what happened to cause all that.

"A-Agreed," she says. I take her hand without further comment, and we shake.

I get up from the beanbag, saying, "Well, I've got to get Hisao's room key back to him. See you around, Hanako!"

"S-see you..." she says, and I turn around and head out of the library. As I get beyond the door, I take a deep breath and let it out before starting up the hall.

Well, that could have been a lot worse.

Actually, I'm kinda surprised that, after talking to Hanako, I feel a little better about things. With everything out in the open, nobody has to get all weird about things. Now the ball's in Hisao's court, and I need to let him get his head straight.

Once I get to the nurse's office, I go straight into the back room. Hisao is still lying on the bed, his eyes closed. I touch his arm again to see if he's awake, but he isn't. I put his key on the table next to the bed, then look back at him. "I'll be back when we can both run again, Hisao," I say in a whisper. "I hope that's enough time for you to think things over without me to distract you."

On impulse, I lean down and kiss Hisao on the cheek. He moves slightly, so I quickly walk away and back into the main office. As I draw the curtain, I say to the nurse, "He's...gonna be okay, right?"

"Well, he probably shouldn't run for a few days, but otherwise he'll be back to his old self soon enough."

Hearing that is a relief, sure, but it seems like the longer he's around me, the more tightly wound he's getting. It's true the other way, too. My own head is as messed up as it's ever been. I just have to...keep having patience.

The nurse has one of his rare serious faces on. Not the kind he uses when he's yelling at me to take care of myself, but...worried. "What's wrong, sunshine? I thought you'd be happy to hear that."

"I am. Really. I just...I...just..." I sigh. "When Hisao wakes up...can you tell him I went home?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Your mother's going to be giving you the third degree, you know."

I sigh again as I start for the door. "I can handle it. I have to."

"If you say so. Good luck, Emi." After a pause, he says, "With everything."

"Thanks," I reply, and before he says any more than that, I walk out the door and head straight for the front gate.

This is a test...right, universe? To see if I've earned this second chance?

~~~~

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Last edited by dewelar on Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:36 am, edited 3 times in total.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

OutofBlues
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by OutofBlues » Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:14 am

Another great chapter. You are really doing a good job of making Emi and Hanako both sympathetic characters. I am catching myself rooting for whomever has the PoV at the moment, and putting them both together for the first time makes it difficult to choose between the two, I hope we see more interaction between them in the upcoming chapters.

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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:26 am

Great chapter. Really liked the interaction between Hanako and Emi, as short as it was. I instinctively am pulling for Hanako, but you succeeded in me rooting for both of them at points, so I'll likely feel bad for whichever one doesn't get him. Though since Hanako already missed out on him once, to her best friend no less, I am pulling a bit more for her.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune

Maradar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by Maradar » Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:10 am

Awesome chapter! I was having a really shitty day and this really made me feel better. You have a talent to make me forget everything except what I'm reading and it's like I'm there. Really good job with making sure everyone stays in character as well.
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I have a minor arrhythmia and a couple of other heart conditions. Small world.
Also I love these forums.

bhtooefr
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:41 am

...damn.

That scene where Hanako was confirming what chess pieces were on the board... that was powerful. Completely in character, too, especially with how far out of her shell she's gotten. I could totally see them becoming close friends (even closer than Hanako and Lilly were, given that they can understand each other's experiences much better than Lilly could - especially if Hanako ends up with Hisao, given how hurt Lilly is) after this, now that that scene's happened.

<snipped something where I misinterpreted something>
I'm not even sure ever I've been back there
I've ever.
bhtooefr's one-shot and drabble thread
Enjoy The Silence - Sequel to All I Have (complete)
Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking zombies on this motherfucking forum!

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by dewelar » Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:57 am

Thanks to all for all the kind words. I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot, and it came together surprisingly quickly in my head.

But this here?
Maradar wrote:Awesome chapter! I was having a really shitty day and this really made me feel better. You have a talent to make me forget everything except what I'm reading and it's like I'm there. Really good job with making sure everyone stays in character as well.
This here might be the best comment I've received yet. Really heartwarming to know that I can do that for someone!
bhtooefr wrote:
I'm not even sure ever I've been back there
I've ever.
Fixed, thanks!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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edruil
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Re: Developments (Post-Lilly Bad End) [Ch 23 up 11/3]

Post by edruil » Mon Nov 04, 2013 2:20 pm

threesome pls. I can't handle the feels if one of them gets rejected.

But for real, let me echo the sentiments already expressed by a few other readers. This is really well done, and despite my loyalty to Emi, I can't help but pull for both of them. I think no matter which girl Hisao chooses in the end (or whether he goes for a harem route :roll: ), you're going to have some very upset fans!

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