Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 10 up 8/28

Post by Mahorfeus » Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:59 pm

Akira did not seem to notice anything out of the ordinary (you'd think that a guy having a heart attack in a crowd would cause a commotion), so I'm wondering if Lilly is having some wishful thinking going on in her head.
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Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Oscar Wildecat
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 10 up 8/28

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Wed Aug 28, 2013 3:04 pm

Mahorfeus wrote:Akira did not seem to notice anything out of the ordinary (you'd think that a guy having a heart attack in a crowd would cause a commotion), so I'm wondering if Lilly is having some wishful thinking going on in her head.
Wishful thinking on Lilly's part is the impression I'm left with as well. Unless the next chapter proves me wrong. I can't predict the future. Or sound like Rin. :)
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Endofone
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 10 up 8/28

Post by Endofone » Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:17 pm

Ooof. I was 'Hnnnggg through that whole thing. Hurts me to know that Lilly is hurting. D= I don't know how to really feel about this Lilly-Akira thing. It was well placed. Nice to know what's happening on the other side. Some part of me is thinking something will happen for Lilly to come back, and Hisao is in another relationship either Hanako or Emi then with hilarity ensuing. I want and don't want that to happen but, love it.

You also had a well done Akira.

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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 10 up 8/28

Post by dewelar » Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:38 pm

Thanks to all for the encouraging words! This was the most difficult chapter for me to write to date, BY FAR. I'm especially glad to hear people thought I did a good job with Akira, because writing her PoV was bloody nerve-wracking!

Getting started on Chapter 11 in earnest today, so hope to have it up sometime over the weekend. For those still unclear on what happened at the airport, the upcoming chapter will hopefully provide an answer.
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Developments, Chapter 11 (Notes at end)

Post by dewelar » Sat Aug 31, 2013 12:37 pm

"Are you going to be home for lunch today, dear?"

"I think so, Mom!" I call back as I run through the door and head for the bus stop. "I'll call if I won't!"

Yesterday's run went pretty well. Hisao actually made it through four laps, even though he hadn't run in two months. He also seemed pretty committed to coming down today, but I'm not willing to count on it just yet. If we can get through today, then I think things will be okay. The second day is always the hardest. If he can say he's willing to keep going after today, then I think we're good.

The bus arrives, and I take my seat. My mind starts to wander to...other things.

Well, I can certainly be sure that he's attracted to me. That much hasn't changed, either. He couldn't keep his eyes off me the whole time we were at the track. But then, I guess I am pretty impressive.

Thoughts of Hisao keep me pretty well occupied for the whole bus ride. It's been a week since he and Lilly broke up, and a lot has happened since then. For instance, his ex-girlfriend is now safely out of the country. I might still need to move slower than I'd like, but I think I can pick up the pace just a little.

As I come down to the track, I see that Hisao is already sitting on the bleachers.

Huh. He's early. Interesting.

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but since I came to Yamaku on the bus, I'm still wearing my walking legs. I don't mind wearing my blades around school, but they're a pain in the ass on the bus. On the other hand, this has the makings of an opportunity.

Hisao's never seen me without my legs on...

"Hey, Hisao!" I call down to him. He jumps a little. I wonder if he'd dozed off. "What are you doing down here so early?"

He turns back to me with a grin. "Early? Me? I thought you were just late."

I just stick out my tongue at him, because I do want to get things moving. "No, seriously, it looks like you've been down here for a while. Anything wrong?" As I talk to Hisao, I sit down on the bleachers next to him and start the process of changing to my blades, watching him as I do.

Hisao glances over in my direction. He looks...curious, but definitely not put off. That's good. "Not really sure," he says after a few moments. "I had some trouble sleeping last night, but that happens sometimes with my medications. Once I did fall asleep, I woke up with a start a couple hours later, and I felt like I'd been running in my sleep or something."

I nudge my shoulder against his. "Dreaming about running is supposed to be my thing, Hisao." I follow it up with a wink. "Unless you're dreaming about us running together."

He starts to turn red. Teasing Hisao has its rewards. "Um...well...I think I was running after something, or someone. I don't remember much about it, though."

"You didn't tire yourself out too much, did ya?"

"Whether I did or not, I'm going to run with you today."

I flash my brightest smile at him. "You're darn right you are!" I've finished putting my blades on, and Hisao hasn't said a word. He hasn't been staring, but he's definitely been watching. It almost makes me want him to ask about it.

Best that I don't, though. That could lead to some uncomfortable places, and not the good kind like I've been thinking...

The two of us stretch out, and he seems to have picked up on what I showed him yesterday.

I should hope so, considering he was definitely staring then. Still is, too, although he's at least trying not to.

Once that's done, we head out onto the track. "Same as yesterday, four laps around." He nods, and we start off.

Hisao starts off with the same pace he'd worked up to yesterday, but it's not too long before he starts to slow down. Since it's the second day, I kinda expected it, so I make sure to keep encouraging him. About two laps in, though, he really starts to drag. I back up a little to run next to him, and I hear him saying something.

"I...ca...can't do this..."

Oh, no you don't, Hisao.

I turn around and run backwards in front of him. "Never say that! If you say that, you'll have already lost! Keep moving! If you're alive, you can keep moving, dammit!"

Hisao looks a little shocked at my outburst, but then that was kinda the point. I told him yesterday it would feel good when he pushed past his limits, and seeing him today I know he can do this.

And I want him to do this. I didn't even know how much until right now, either. I guess I've kinda got a personal stake in it.

I move back to running a little ahead of Hisao, and we get to the end of the third lap. He's looking a little ragged, but we're almost there now. "Final stretch, Hisao! Give it all you got!"

I can see him trying to pick things up, but it's barely enough to get him through his fourth lap. As he does, I turn to congratulate him when I notice he's fallen onto his hands and knees.

Oh, no...this isn't one of his attacks, is it?

I move toward him, crouch down, and put a hand on his shoulder. I can feel him trying to control his breathing.

Steady, Hisao...steady...don't give out on me...

Slowly but surely, I can feel his breathing getting more regular. He looks up at me, and he has a slight smile on his face. I return it. "You had me worried there, Hisao, but that's no way to catch your breath!"

"Heh...aye aye, captain." He chuckles, but he still seems to have a little trouble getting onto his feet. I take one arm over my shoulders and guide him up. It seems to surprise him at first, but really he's not that heavy.

"Thanks." We start walking, and I realize I've still got my arm around his waist. He hasn't moved his arm from my shoulder yet, either. He looks at me for a second, then turns away, and I can see him blushing again. "I...uh...I think I can go from here. Hands behind my head, right?"

"Right. So...you are okay, right? Do you need to see the nurse right away?"

"No, I'll be all right, I think. It was just a flutter. I just have to make sure I see him when we're done."

"You should be doing that anyway, though, right?"

"Well, when I talked to him yesterday, he said I didn't necessarily have to come in unless I noticed a problem, either with my heart or with your...um...with...anything else."

That bastard...

I roll my eyes. "Let me guess. He's going to have you spying on me, too, isn't he?"

Hisao looks embarrassed, but tries to cover it. "Hey, it's only fair, right?"

"Nope, not at all! Crew members are not allowed to spy on their captains!"

"Says who?"

I grin widely. "The captain, of course!" He laughs, which is my cue that he's gonna be fine after all. "See you after my sprints, Hisao!"

I take off around the track...

...

air . . . wind . . . ground . . . track . . . . . . . . .
. . . will . . . not . . . hold . . . back . . . . . .
. . . . . . hear . . . smell . . . feel . . . see . . .
. . . . . . . . . set . . . these . . . thoughts . . . free
wind . . . air . . . track . . . ground . . . . . . . . .
. . . one . . . more . . . time . . . round . . . . . .
. . . . . . time . . . space . . . form . . . flight . . .
. . . . . . . . . all . . . shall . . . be . . . light


...

When I'm done with my sprints, I join Hisao again to cool down. "Not bad today, Hisao."

"Seriously? I don't think I would have even finished if you hadn't yelled at me."

Heh...yeah, I might've gotten a little carried away. "Sorry about that. I just don't like seeing anyone give up, you know? Remember you saying you couldn't do it? Well, you could. There are a lot of things you don't know whether you can do them or not unless you push yourself a little."

"Yeah, but what if I push myself too hard?"

"Hisao, remember that conversation we had about learning your limits? You start out by figuring out what they are, and then little by little you go past them? Today was that first little bit. You found out you could do more than you thought you could, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I did." He looks a little more confident, but doesn't let it drop. "But if you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have done it."

I smile, because this is where I was heading anyway. "I just got you started, Hisao, but now it's up to you. If you don't push yourself, you're never going to move forward. You can't always depend on someone else to be there to push you, so you have to be willing to do it for yourself."

One of the many things you taught me well, Dad...

Hisao stares at me open-mouthed for a moment. I wonder if I said too much, but then he says "That's...a good point, Emi. That makes sense, I guess. Still, like you said, it's better to have someone there to push you, right?"

"Yeah, it's...better."

You just can't rely on it...

Hisao looks at me, and I can see he's concerned. "Hey, are you all right?"

Ah, shit, I'm usually better at this.

Or maybe Hisao's just better at noticing. That...could be a problem.


"Yeah, I'm fine. If you're done cooling off, we should probably head to the nurse now!"

Thankfully, he doesn't press the issue. I grab my bag off the bleachers, and we start walking to the auxiliary building. On the way up, Hisao asks, "Hey, Emi, do you mind if I see the nurse first today?"

"Any particular reason?"

"I told Hanako I'd meet her for lunch in the tea room."

Guess I'll definitely be home for lunch. Oh, well. "Oh, okay. I suppose you two wanted to spend some time together before her trip. Do you know when she's supposed to be leaving?"

"Not exactly. Just that it's this week sometime."

I nod. "Just don't forget to stick to your dietary plan. I already know you haven't had breakfast!" He winces at the reminder. "Hey, if you could handle today, you can handle that. I'd offer to come with you to make sure, but...well, the last couple times I was in the same place with you and Hanako, things didn't work out too well."

That's actually kind of an understatement. The last time we were all together was on the roof, and Hisao almost passed out. He even mentioned his heart then, but I didn't know how bad it was. The time before that...well, I kinda nearly flattened him.

"Don't worry about me, Emi. I'll make sure to get something from the cafeteria before I go."

"Ugh...you should have told me. I could have made something for you this morning and brought it with me!"

Hisao grins. "Well...again, you weren't here when she asked me..."

Hmmm...he's got a point...and before my brain can stop it, my mouth spits out "Well, maybe I should be here, then."

Hisao looks a little nervous. "That's...not necessary."

Okay, Ibarazaki, think fast...how do we turn this into a good thing...

"Well...actually, I was just thinking, once Hanako leaves, you're not really going to have anybody to hang around with, right? So, maybe if I was around, we could do stuff together and get you out of that dorm room once in a while."

Hisao looks at me for a moment. "Will you turn on the puppy-dog stare if I say no?"

"Aw, don't make me do that, Hisao. If I use it too often, it could lose its power, and then how would I convince you to do things like run with me every morning?"

Hisao laughs. It's an honest-to-goodness happy laugh, one I wish I could hear more often. "Emi, sometimes I think you've got enough power in there to light all of Japan."

Enough power in there to light all of Japan...that...just might be the nicest thing I've ever heard. Damn you, Hisao.

"But isn't this time you should be spending with your family?"

"Hey, it's just a short bus ride away. I can go into the city and see Mom whenever she misses me too much."

"Well, then, I guess I have no excuses left."

"Nope!"

Hisao smiles at me again. "In that case...I'd definitely like to be able to spend some more time with you, Emi."

I just smile in return, but hearing that makes me feel kinda warm all over. Hisao opens the door and steps into the nurse's office, and I almost want to go running up and down the hall. I start thinking about what we might do tomorrow...and I have to stop, because that train of thought leads to Heart Station.

I am actually a little worried, considering what happened on the track. He seemed fine afterwards, nothing worse than that time on the roof, but...well, I just want him to be okay. For a lot of reasons.

...like lighting up all of Japan...

Okay, now I'm really getting all worked up. I need to calm down. Fortunately, it's not long before Hisao comes out, and he looks fine. "Everything's okay, right? I mean, you don't look like you're going to die or anything."

"Yep, nurse said you pushed me too hard today, and I'm not going to be able to run for the rest of my life."

That earns him a punch, I think. You don't joke about something like that. "Not funny, Hisao."

"Whoa...sorry." He gives me an apologetic look, and I melt a little. I really must have looked mad. "I didn't think...well...I'm sorry, okay?"

"Don't worry about it. Just...don't say anything like that again." He nods, but he still looks kinda upset. I smile again, saying "But you really are okay, right?"

"Yeah, no problem. It was like I said, just a flutter. Nothing to worry about, really."

"Glad to hear it! So, morning run tomorrow, right?"

"Can't stop moving forward now, can I?"

You get some points back for picking up on that, Hisao. "Great! I'll bring lunch for both of us, then! Oh, and wish Hanako a good trip for me, okay?"

"Will do. See you then."

As he heads out of the building, I step into the nurse's office. He quickly gets down to the business of checking me over. "No problems today?"

"Nope."

"What about Hisao? Notice anything unusual?"

"Well, he told you about him falling at the end, right?" The nurse nods. "Well, you know how things are on the second day. I don't think he slept too well last night either."

"Hmmm, yes. Well, unless you're already covering for each other, everything looks fine."

"Would I do that?" I ask in my best innocent voice.

"Yes, you would," he says without even looking up, "and I wouldn't put it past you to rook Hisao into it with you."

"Asshole." He just grins back at me. I mean, he's not entirely wrong, but I'm not just going to put up with it. "Besides, I already got him to admit that he's spying on me for you."

"Hmmm...didn't think he'd be so quick to tell you. He seems like the type to play things close to his chest...much like a certain track star I know." I scoff at him, but he ignores it. "You must be getting to him a bit. Must be a pain in the ass for you, taking things slowly."

"Not as much of a pain as you're being." The nurse just laughs. I'm not really mad, especially if he's right about what he said. "So what other things did you tell him that I should know?"

"Well..." He gets an embarrassed look, so I know something bad is coming. "I mentioned you'd lost your legs in a car accident, and that I was the one who worked with you to get you walking again." I glare at him, and he holds up his hands in surrender. "Don't worry, you know I wouldn't say anything more than that. I just thought he should know why you and I have such a familiar relationship. You know Yamaku frowns on that sort of thing."

I let myself relax a little. "Yeah, I know."

"He was also interested in your prostheses."

"Yeah, that makes sense. Today was the first time he saw me without them."

The nurse raises an eyebrow. "Really. Well, now, that's pretty serious stuff. How did it go?"

"It's funny. It's like it didn't even matter to him."

"Maybe it didn't. Besides, I get the feeling that he was more interested in...other things."

Okay, now we're even, because now I'm blushing a little. Well played, Nurse. "So...otherwise everything's okay, right?"

"Yes, Hisao's fine, don't worry. He's had this sort of thing a couple times before, but as long as he doesn't skip his medications and comes down here when it happens, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. He did seem to be in a hurry to get out of here, though."

"Yeah, he's meeting his friend Hanako for lunch. Some kind of going-away thing, I think."

Nurse raises an eyebrow. "You mean Miss Ikezawa?" I nod in confirmation as I finish putting my legs back on. "Interesting."

Uh-oh. I know that tone.

"Interesting...how?"

"Oh, just that the staff was informed a few days ago that she was going to be staying at Yamaku for a while longer."

Huh. Yeah, that is interesting. I wonder what that's all about, and why Hisao didn't know. I guess I can ask him tomorrow. As I head out the door of the nurse's office, I call back to him "Thanks for the update! I owe you one!"

"Oh? Does that mean the next time you're having problems with your leg, you won't try to dodge me?"

I start running before I even close the door. "Sorry, can't hear you! I gotta go take a shower! See ya tomorrow!" I grin to myself, and I can almost hear him rolling his eyes and muttering vague threats.

Not a bad day so far, after all.

~~~~

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====

NOTES:

To get it out of the way: Yes, I might have taken a little liberty with allowing Nurse to tell Emi about Hanako's trip. I am working under several presumptions, most importantly that whether or not a student is actually present at the school is not covered by confidentiality. Hopefully nobody's too put off by this. I'm perfectly willing to take the negative feedback as well as the positive :D -- it can be more helpful, sometimes.

Since I started writing this story, one of the things I had been dreading was what I would do with an Emi PoV while running. I decided to go with something somewhat abstract. I hope it worked.

Anyway, enjoy!
Last edited by dewelar on Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:13 pm

whether or not a student is actually present at the school is not covered by confidentiality. Hopefully nobody's too put off by this.
Didn't even occur to me until you mentioned it. Why should it be confidential? It has nothing to do with health problems, and everybody who's on campus will find out anyway.

Hmm... I liked the chapter, but if I were writing this story, I'd face a problem pretty soon:
Emi seems to be taking the initiative in getting close to Hisao pretty fast.
I assume you'll keep the suspension as to who Hisao will decide on going for a while longer, though, and I simply can't imagine Hanako operating at the same speed.
Under normal circumstances I'd say that would put Emi at a considerable advantage...

This was another chapter that was pretty close to the VN. So far it's been both well done and interesting to note the differences - in this case another perspective - but try not to overuse it. A different perspective is not enough to carry a story by itself.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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dewelar
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by dewelar » Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:39 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
whether or not a student is actually present at the school is not covered by confidentiality. Hopefully nobody's too put off by this.
Didn't even occur to me until you mentioned it. Why should it be confidential? It has nothing to do with health problems, and everybody who's on campus will find out anyway.
Actually, before posting each of these chapters, I've been reading this to a friend to whom I'd read the VN. She was the one who pointed it out as a possible issue.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Hmm... I liked the chapter, but if I were writing this story, I'd face a problem pretty soon:
Emi seems to be taking the initiative in getting close to Hisao pretty fast.
I assume you'll keep the suspension as to who Hisao will decide on going for a while longer, though, and I simply can't imagine Hanako operating at the same speed.
Under normal circumstances I'd say that would put Emi at a considerable advantage...
Can't comment on this, of course, other than to say glad you liked it, and my standard "lots of story still to come" :) .
Mirage_GSM wrote:This was another chapter that was pretty close to the VN. So far it's been both well done and interesting to note the differences - in this case another perspective - but try not to overuse it. A different perspective is not enough to carry a story by itself.
Agreed. That's a major drawback to this type of story, in that you're kind of forced to cover ground that's already been covered. It would be easy to say "oh, people know what happened because they've played the game", but I felt like that would be kind of a cop-out. Thus, I tried in this chapter to (a) widen the divergence between this and the chapters it tracks (Second Time's the Worst / An Apple A Day / Down That Medicine Now) from what it was between Chapter 8 and Morning Run, and (b) use the perspective switch to Emi to give it a fresh take. How well it worked is, of course, up to the reader. Perhaps leaving in Emi's outburst when Hisao says he can't go on intact may be skewing the perspective?
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:52 pm

For this reader, the perspective switch worked well. And as far as the race between Hanako and Emi for Hisao's heart goes, I'm reminded of the fable of the tortoise and the hare -- it's too early to take bets. (Besides, who knows, maybe Rin will come in and sweep Hisao off his feet with one well timed non sequitur. :wink:)
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Lost In The Fire » Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:26 pm

One of the things that has really drawn me to this particular story is that each chapter so far has had a different character's perspective. This really works in your favor when building the suspense of the oncoming relationship as it shows the various characters picking up the clues at different points in time and plotting at their own speeds. The story gets more and more interesting as the web of who knows what continues to expand.
Some one-shots.
He Didn't Listen - Hanako Bad End
Observations - OC POV
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Blasphemy » Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:37 pm

Am really looking forward to the Hanako and Hisao conversation. Telling him about canceling her trip to help him out will be really awkward, especially after Emi just offered him to hang around a bit more.

-----

There's one aspect that goes on my nerves but ain't your fault really as it's just like that in the KS VN, that is Hisao's training. It takes the body roughly 48 hours to regenerate the muscles (repair and strengthen them) if they were exerted. If you're in terrible shape it may take even longer and if you overextend yourself you can easily have muscle aches for 5 days even (talking from experience of starting my own runs, and I was in pretty decent physical shape otherwise already).

So the ideal running schedule for Hisao would be every other day, or maybe Monday/Wednesday/Friday, with a slightly longer break on weekends. On top of that it's rather counter productive to push him so hard early on. If anything that'll increase his muscle ache issues and reduce the enjoyment of further runs instead of actually building up muscles just a tad quicker. Hisao is in such a bad shape that he cannot run for a prolonged time, even if he runs very slowly. He should start real slow and maybe even have walking breaks inbetween at first whenever he's out of breath. There's no need to worry about him not building up muscles quick enough, after all for his current physical form that's enough exertion.
That's not even taking into consideration his arrhythmia...

If you take his heart problems into account this training plan and Emi's "push your limits each run!" ideology are completely out of place. It makes the exercise less enjoyable and is threatening to his heart.

It makes sense for Emi to run every weekday because she's been running for years now and also doesn't completely push her limits each time with her morning runs. If you're in really good shape you'll probably not have nearly as much of an issue with muscle aches and can go for your every weekday schedule. I mean I still don't think there's too much of a benefit but Emi also doesn't just run for having great fitness so I have no problem with her doing that.

However as far as Hisao is concerned Emi's training really isn't appropriate. And Nurse would obviously also prevent such a fitness plan in reality.

But again, that blame isn't directed at you, it goes back to the original KS VN where this was simply overlooked / the writers just didn't know. I just felt like mentioning it here because it's one of the few issues I have with KS and is unfortunately reoccurring in many FanFics.

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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Etokie » Sat Aug 31, 2013 7:19 pm

Actually, before posting each of these chapters, I've been reading this to a friend to whom I'd read the VN. She was the one who pointed it out as a possible issue.
The same blind girl you've mentioned i presume? Anyways, a great chapter. Nice to see that Emi's still going full force.
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Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by dewelar » Sat Aug 31, 2013 7:27 pm

Blasphemy wrote:words about exercise routines
Thanks for the info, and glad you're enjoying the story despite the issue :) .

I really can't argue with this. I'm willing to take some of the blame for this for failure to do the research, though :) . As I've said elsewhere, I have no experience with running beyond what I used to do in gym class. A friend of mine tried to get me into it a while back, but I just didn't enjoy it. On the other hand, I've walked several miles a day for some time -- I started because I had to walk home from work during a bus strike for several weeks and just kept doing it -- and never had trouble doing it on back-to-back days (yeah, I'm sore, but not debilitatingly so), so I was willing to go with what KS provided. Too late to go back and change now, I guess.
Etokie wrote:
Actually, before posting each of these chapters, I've been reading this to a friend to whom I'd read the VN. She was the one who pointed it out as a possible issue.
The same blind girl you've mentioned i presume? Anyways, a great chapter. Nice to see that Emi's still going full force.
The very same. I think the Akira chapter was her favorite so far. I would tell you what she said about it, but I might ruin my reputation for modesty ;-) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

Troy
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:59 am

Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Troy » Sun Sep 01, 2013 5:01 pm

After chapter 10 i expected a lilly perspective.
I still like the way you write with diffrent perspective's and it also is cool that i have absolutely no clue what will happen in this fic.
I do have some theory's in my head that makes it kind of like a game seeing if i am right yes or no.
----
I really do enjoy this fic and i appreciate that you spend so much time making it ;)

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Lost In The Fire
Posts: 62
Joined: Thu May 30, 2013 9:49 pm
Location: Oregon

Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Lost In The Fire » Sun Sep 01, 2013 10:46 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote: Hmm... I liked the chapter, but if I were writing this story, I'd face a problem pretty soon:
Emi seems to be taking the initiative in getting close to Hisao pretty fast.
I assume you'll keep the suspension as to who Hisao will decide on going for a while longer, though, and I simply can't imagine Hanako operating at the same speed.
Under normal circumstances I'd say that would put Emi at a considerable advantage...
I actually just thought about this and remembered something.
In Hanako's route she admits the reason she slept with him was because she thought he was drifting away because he was looking for someone to have a relationship with. This shows that Hanako is capable of moving very fast if she feels Hisao is drifting away again, so Emi's advantage could potentially potentially set a fire under Hanako. (Pun intended.)

Just my thoughts.
Some one-shots.
He Didn't Listen - Hanako Bad End
Observations - OC POV
Mmmmm'yep.

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Mahorfeus
Posts: 680
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:16 pm

Re: Developments (Lilly Bad End Continuation) [Ch 11 up 8/31

Post by Mahorfeus » Sun Sep 01, 2013 11:04 pm

I hadn't thought of that.

I mean, if she felt jealousy towards Yuuko of all people, how would she feel when someone is actually pursuing a relationship with him?
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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