A preview to my gender bend story

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EyesOfLilly
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A preview to my gender bend story

Post by EyesOfLilly » Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:36 pm

Hey guys, this is just a short preview of a gender bend story based on some posts from the Katawa Shounen: Gender Bender thread as well as my own ideas.
so in this story the main character is Misao Nakai the female Hisao and here's a short preview on how she meets a couple of characters that everyone will recognise. ;)
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[Name pending]
A preview...
(names and content here in are liable to change with final product)

Misao Nakai meets Misha and Shizuru:

Mutou: "Ah, Nakai! You're seat is over by that window there, don't worry it's next to Hakamichi the class representative, if you have any questions ask him, I'm sure he'll happily oblige."

I nod, and begin to take my seat, only to be ambushed by a boy with a bright pink afro and a biggest of smiles.

???: "Hi~! you're the new student right~? Right~!"

Misao: "You're Hakamichi?"

???: "Wahaha~! nahh, I'm Shiigu Mikado~! but everyone calls me Misha. This over here is Hakamichi~!"

He points over to a smartly dressed young man with well kept, short blue bangs and steel rimmed glasses and a rather serious, almost analytical gaze.

Misha: "Shi-kun~! the new student wants to talk to you, come and introduce yourself~!"

The young man stands up, and waves his hands around to Misha, sign language? I think Mutou was joking with me when she said that I could ask him if I had any questions.

Hakamichi: "..."

Misha: "Wahaha~! This is Shizuru Hakamichi, and just because he's the class rep doesn't mean you have to be so formal just call him Shi-kun...."

Everything comes to a halt, then suddenly Misha belts out laughing.

Misha: "Wahaha~! just kidding, Shizuru is just fine, also if you haven't guessed yet Shizuru is deaf and needs me to talk to students and vice versa, isn't that neat? I'm sorta like a translator or an interpreter Wahaha~!"

Sort of? last I checked that's what a translator does, I can tell Misha and Shizuru are going to be a handful....

Misao meets with the Doctor.

I open the door to a small room full with medical supplies and office materials, just what you'd expect to see in a doctor's office. In the middle of the room I can see a woman with sly fox looking face and a dark blue ponytail.

Misao: "Urm.. excuse me? is this the head doctor's office?"

She looks at me with a small grin, it almost looks flirty.

Smiling Woman: "Yes, it is. And I am said Doctor of this office, you can either call me Doctor or by my name either suits me. Now, why have you come to see me today?"

She's the doctor? this was the complete opposite of what I was expecting.

Misao: "Ahh, yes. I'm Misao Nakai, Ms. Mutou said I was to come see you after classes today."

She grins again,and then has a look of recognition.

Doctor: "Ahh, you're THAT Nakai. I was reading your files this morning. Okay, let me just find them, I know they're here somewhere..."

She fumbles around searching around the office, searching draws and computer databases looking for everything with my name on it.

Doctor: "Ahhh! Here we are, hmm... so you suffer from Arrythmia, and stayed at a hospital for 4 months? No doubt the doctor's there gave you more than enough medication for the time being. Tell me, do you play any sports?"

Misao: "I used to play Vollyball with friends in my old school."

Although, it was more for the sake of being with my friends rather than actually playing to win.

Doctor: "Hmm, that will have come to an end I'm afraid. We don't want you to get too excited and work up another attack. Well, I think we're done here for now, just make sure to take your medication and we shouldn't have to see each other too much. Shame, you're a cutie too~!"

The doctor winks at me, I feel like I've just been hit on.

Misao: !Uh yeah... Thank you for seeing me."

I blush and leave the room, that was a weird enconter anything else weird today? I make my way to the girls' dorms.
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I hope you guys enjoyed reading this short preview, with any luck I should have the first part of the real fanfic soon :)
feel free to tell me what you think, criticism is always welcome.
Fave Girls: Lilly >Emi > Hanako > Shizune > Rin
Fave Misc. Characters: Akira>Miki>Yuuko>Misha>Nurse>Kenji>Nomiya>Hideaki>Jigoro
Fave Paths: Lilly > Emi > Hanako > Rin > Shizune

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Retrograde01
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Retrograde01 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:24 pm

Genderbending is an interesting topic, and I have yet to read any fanfics that have it.This particular snippet is too short to tell anything about the story, but you've piqued my interest.

My one complaint however is the script format. While it looks easy and simpler to write, it's actually very difficult to successfully pull off. You can still tell the reader what's happening, but it becomes hard to show the reader what's happening. Please do make the switch to prose; I can almost guarantee that you'll be happier with the finished product.

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EyesOfLilly
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by EyesOfLilly » Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:33 pm

Retrograde01 wrote:Genderbending is an interesting topic, and I have yet to read any fanfics that have it.This particular snippet is too short to tell anything about the story, but you've piqued my interest.

My one complaint however is the script format. While it looks easy and simpler to write, it's actually very difficult to successfully pull off. You can still tell the reader what's happening, but it becomes hard to show the reader what's happening. Please do make the switch to prose; I can almost guarantee that you'll be happier with the finished product.
the script format was more of an experiment to see how it goes, for the final fic however I think I'll go for a more standard light novel style of writing but still stick with Misao's point of view I feel that's the standard of KS style writing.
Fave Girls: Lilly >Emi > Hanako > Shizune > Rin
Fave Misc. Characters: Akira>Miki>Yuuko>Misha>Nurse>Kenji>Nomiya>Hideaki>Jigoro
Fave Paths: Lilly > Emi > Hanako > Rin > Shizune

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Sea
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Sea » Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:33 pm

I'm watching you. . .
This looks cool and might finally get me off my ass and contribute something for the community. I can't be the only new guy with out something to brag about. Best of luck on it!
Come join the Yamaku Book Club! Where stuff happens and we discuss cripple porn
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MegaMoto
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by MegaMoto » Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:53 pm

Sea wrote:I'm watching you. . .
This looks cool and might finally get me off my ass and contribute something for the community. I can't be the only new guy with out something to brag about. Best of luck on it!
Eh he got me off my ass to start writing. I think we started around similar times I'm just slow. I might have a preview tomorrow because I obviously have to one up this guy in everyway. :lol: Just kidding good work Eye's people got their sight orbs on you..

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:44 am

I agree about the script format: Don't do it.
Also, try not to lift all the dialogue verbatim from the story. I don't need to read a story where all that changes from the VN is the names and the pronouns. I can do that by rereading the VN and doing the substitutions in my head.
If you just want to tell the original story over again, there are better things you could do with your time.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Fanuilos
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Fanuilos » Fri Jul 19, 2013 9:41 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I agree about the script format: Don't do it.
Also, try not to lift all the dialogue verbatim from the story. I don't need to read a story where all that changes from the VN is the names and the pronouns. I can do that by rereading the VN and doing the substitutions in my head.
If you just want to tell the original story over again, there are better things you could do with your time.
I agree with this. The idea intrigues me, but if it's just going to be changing names and pronouns then I personally won't be that interested.

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EyesOfLilly
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by EyesOfLilly » Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:55 pm

Yeah I know I stuck a bit too much to the actual story, but in my defense it was only a mock up, and it was just a preview on how Misao will meet some of the characters I can't really change too much at that point however things WILL be different in terms of story and in some characters personality that I can guarantee :)

but thanks for the feedback nontheless
Fave Girls: Lilly >Emi > Hanako > Shizune > Rin
Fave Misc. Characters: Akira>Miki>Yuuko>Misha>Nurse>Kenji>Nomiya>Hideaki>Jigoro
Fave Paths: Lilly > Emi > Hanako > Rin > Shizune

Fanuilos
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Fanuilos » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:08 pm

EyesOfLilly wrote:Yeah I know I stuck a bit too much to the actual story, but in my defense it was only a mock up, and it was just a preview on how Misao will meet some of the characters I can't really change too much at that point however things WILL be different in terms of story and in some characters personality that I can guarantee :)

but thanks for the feedback nontheless
Sounds good, I look forward to reading it!

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Steinherz
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Steinherz » Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:26 pm

Query: Have you decided if it's a one-route thing or will there be multiple routes in the story?
I write take a look, would you kindly?
I also draw, kind of.
KeiichiO wrote:You shall now, and forever be known as, "Steinherz, The Great".
Oddball wrote:It's an obvious mistake. Both are disfigured orphans that read alot and both wear green skirts.

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EyesOfLilly
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by EyesOfLilly » Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:49 pm

Steinherz wrote:Query: Have you decided if it's a one-route thing or will there be multiple routes in the story?
That's a good question, I think I might do one route and see how it goes. if it does alright I may do more routes.
Fave Girls: Lilly >Emi > Hanako > Shizune > Rin
Fave Misc. Characters: Akira>Miki>Yuuko>Misha>Nurse>Kenji>Nomiya>Hideaki>Jigoro
Fave Paths: Lilly > Emi > Hanako > Rin > Shizune

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MegaMoto
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by MegaMoto » Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:52 pm

EyesOfLilly wrote:
Steinherz wrote:Query: Have you decided if it's a one-route thing or will there be multiple routes in the story?
That's a good question, I think I might do one route and see how it goes. if it does alright I may do more routes.
Sounds like a big undertaking to do multiple routes.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A preview to my gender bend story

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:34 am

Recommendation: Stick to one route.
If you're done with that and still want to continue you can write a second one.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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