Pyrophobia

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Karnewarrior
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Pyrophobia

Post by Karnewarrior » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:54 am

"This ain't how we did it the last few times, though,"

"What, the room? I wanted to make sure she was in a calming environment, and I've always been a fan of-"

"Naw, I mean the whole thing."

"Every case is different, Osaka. This one needs some pushing before she's ready to begin training."

"Don't the training make them ready anyways though? Ah went through the Training and Ah wasn't anywhere near ready!"

"Ahh, but you were ready. Were you not, I would have made an exception for you, like with our new recruit."

"Ah guess. But if the whole point is to prepare her, why're we doin' it all in her own 'Verse? Can't we take her to Lucky Star or somethin'? Where she can get hurt an' it don't much hurt her at all?"

"I'm afraid the whole point is to put her in danger. And it's entirely possible she'll take care of him for us in the process."

"Can we trust someone untrained to deal with a Man?"

"Tiffany did it, and she hasn't been trained before or since. It's not always necessary for a exceptional few."

"That was part of Tiffany's plot though."

"But we all saw it yes? And he's stayed down thus far, I think killing him in the 'Verse he was made in..."

"But Ah don't think-"

"Shh, our visitor awakens."

Hanako opens her eyes to find herself sitting in the car of a train. Red satin flows down the walls, pools on the carpet (also satin), and tints the whole of the room with a soft, warm glow. Candles flicker softly, providing more illumination than the ambient mist outside lets through. A man and woman sit comfortably nestled in front of her. The man is slightly less than handsome, with thick glasses and prominent moles, but his smile is kind enough, and his eyes sparkle as he looks at her the way a father would look at a child. The woman is beautiful, with long black hair, a gentle face, and glassy brown eyes that seem to absorb the light and never let anything out. They flick about the compartment and over Hanako.

Hanako shuffles uncomfortably under the two gazes, but something about this place makes her feel safe.

"Welcome..." Says the man slowly, "To the Satin Room."

Hanako blinks. "S-Satin room?"

"Yes." Says the man happily.

"Shouldn't it be velvet?"

The mans smile vanishes into a bemused look. "I didn't think this 'Verse had Shin Megami Tensei." Hanako nodded slowly, as the man took a sharp glance at the woman, who shrugged her defense. "Damn, I thought this would be an original idea, for you at least." Hanako shook her head. "Well, whatever, it's made now."

"Ah could remake it. Ah do really good Silk."

The man looked upset. "The Silk Room? What are we doing, selling soy milk?" The woman looked downtrodden.

"Anyway, this should serve its purpose. Allow me to introduce myself and my prettier companion. Her name is Ayumu Kasuga. MY name, so far as you are concerned, is Inkweaver." He nodded to Hanako. "And you, my girl, are about to beco- well, you either are, or are not, a hero. And within the next few weeks, you're going to find that out. We're all very excited to see this journey commence."

"Don't take this lightly, though," Said Kasuga dully. Her eyes were still locked to Hanakos. "The journey upon which you are about to embark will be dangerous. Like eating a bunch right before gettin' your weight checked. Or talkin' to a boy. Or fightin' zombies with a stapler." Hanako blinks.

"Very dangerous indeed." Agrees the Inkweaver. "But you can handle it. I'm sure of it. Normally, it's tradition to draw three cards to tell the future. But we only have time for one." A shimmering card appears in his hand, which he looks at quizzically before smiling widely.

"The Hare. How very fortuitous. This was precisely the card drawn by the last Hero to conquer her fears. And she never knew she drew it until afterwards. You have an advantage now." The Inkweaver smiled. "I'm very curious... Can you face your fears, to save your friends? I hope so. If you fail... Your whole world burns." a clock rings somewhere far away. The Inkweaver looks up. "It is time for us to part, I'm afraid. If you ever need speak to us again, you have my card." He smiles. "This should be almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Shin Megami Tensei. But you'll find many things are also quite similar. I'm sure it will be a very interesting journey. Take care."

And Hanako woke in a cold sweat. Her alarm blared its call, warning her of the upcoming school day.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter one - Rouge Angles of Satin (top)
Chapter Two - JUDAS, Demon of Betrayal (Alt: The Dust Arcade)
Chapter Three - Confidence
Chapter Four - The Tower of Chains
Chapter Five - Past, Present, Future
Chapter Six - Memories
Chapter Seven - Silk hiding Steel (alt: Resolve)
Chapter Eight - ECHO, Demon of Solitude
Chapter nine - Through the Door (Alt: The Ink Palace)
Chapter ten - Nothing beside remains
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - IZUNAMI, Demon of Loss
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - [Data Scrambled]
Chapter [ERROR] - JANUS, Demon of Hesitance
[Data Scrambled]
Last edited by Karnewarrior on Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:49 pm, edited 8 times in total.
Pyrophobia: And in she leapt, as a Hare into the flames, and She did not burn, for too fast was she for the Fire, for too brave was she to be afraid, for too strong was she for mortal men and mortal fears. [A Hanako story]
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#1: Osaka
#2: Rin
#3: Nano

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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Jun 20, 2013 10:59 am

You know, I'm not sure what exactly it is that I just read... but I like it. I'm definitely intrigued. It's certainly done well enough to hook me into wanting to read more. I get the feeling it contains references to something - other than the outrightly states SMT, which I know nothing about anyway - but whatever it may be is lost on me. Maybe it shall be revealed in future. Until then, nice work.
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Kakodoyo
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Kakodoyo » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:24 am

I'm intrigued. This is definitely shaping up to be different.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:31 am

Well it's definitely been some time since we've seen a fic here containing something of the supernatural.
@BWT: You might know SMT better under the title "Persona"

The beginning was a bit confusing - probably intentionally...
At "Osaka" I was tinking "Azumanga Daioh Crossover" and then over the next few lines my brain was trying to break out of that line of thinking :-)
So your Osaka is the new Elisabeth/Margaret?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:38 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:@BWT: You might know SMT better under the title "Persona"
Well yeah, I know that much, but in terms of what's actually in the games, I am clueless.
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Carighan
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Carighan » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:55 am

Yeah, this is a very direct Persona-reference. I like it. :D

Now I have the Poem Of Everyone's Soul on repeat again...
The strength of heart to face oneself has been made manifest. The persona Carighan has appeared.

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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by TheCatBeyondSpace! » Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:23 pm

So is this going to be a parody or something like that?
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Karnewarrior
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Karnewarrior » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:25 pm

Hanako's usual routine played out as normal. She climbed out of bed and pressed the off button on her alarm, Gathered up her uniform, and snuck out to take a shower.

It was in those foggy mists of the shower room that she first sensed something strange. The streaming water from the head wasn't hot enough to fill the room so quickly. In fact, the steam itself felt more like a mist, not that Hanako knew what the difference was besides temperature, or even if there was one. The short hairs on the back of her neck stood on end in defiance of the warm water.

The mirrors seemed to have an ethereal quality to them as she dressed herself and combed her hair. The Hanako in the mirror looked her straight in the eye and pulled with perfect synchronization, gathering up the deep violet locks into bundles and stroking them with the brush. The hairs on the back of her neck rose higher.

Even after she was done, she paused for a moment. Her bangs hung wet over her scars, a sensation that would have been unpleasant if she had much feeling in that side. She ran a hand down her right side, feeling the contours etched into her skin by burning cloth and flesh. The scars didn't extend fully up her face, a fact for which she was thankful, for she kept most of her hair and could more easily hide her bad side.

The portion of the shower room she was in had mirrors on both sides, presenting a tunnel effect as light bounced from one side of the room to another. Hanako had read somewhere that it was the same principle as a laser beam. Something about the idea of standing inside of a giant laser thrilled the part of her that loved Action.

Something moved in the mirror. Hanako spun, but found nothing but an empty sink behind her. She turned again, scars tingling, and stopped in shock. Her reflection had put its hand on the mirror, and was looking at Hanako with a confidence that she could never have managed in reality. Hanako stumbled back, mouth opening in surprise, feet moving without thinking. The latter part betrayed her, catching on the small dip of grout in between the bathroom tile, and sending her falling back. The small of her back slammed into the porcelain, and her head fell back, into the mirror.

Yet instead of shattering, the mirror seemed to draw her in, and indeed her feet lifted from the ground, and in she went. And then she was falling, falling faster than she would have believed possible, and she couldn't open her eyes until her feet hit the ground softly -too softly!- and she flopped back onto the soft carpet.

Carpet? It took Hanako, dazed as she was, a minute to realize the oddity of that statement. Sitting up, she first examined herself for injury, but found only old scars and a growing bruise on her back, which would heal with time. Even her uniform seemed little more than wrinkled by her Alice-like tumble into wonderland, or wherever she had ended up.

As it turned out, it was the floor of a dusty old arcade. The booths sat empty and secluded, some growing cobwebs, others dust bunnies as large as Hanako's fist. The air was still and stale, the smell of time gone by. The arcade was perfectly silent, save for the noise of one game playing. It was a sound Hanako had heard often early in her life, when she used to visit this arcade as a child. But then, all the games were on, and the children of the neighborhood would swarm it, yen gripped in sweaty palms, to fight each other in virtual arenas, or rescue unreal princesses from villains too ridiculous to be plausible. She remembered playing these games with old friends.

There was a light on in the back, flashing the colors and varying degrees of brightness that indicated a video game being played. At its source was only a young boy, not even hitting puberty yet, with childish features and giant eyes suggesting innocence. But Hanako knew how cruel this one could be. He was the leader of the friends that had betrayed her, turned on her, bullied her all those years ago. If any one person on the planet could be blamed for Hanako's difficulty in social situations, it was him. If anyone could be blamed for her panic attacks, it was him. If anyone could hurt her worse than she hurt already, it was him.

He didn't turn to look as he said, "Hello, Hana-chan. Do you want to play with me?"

In a shaky voice, Hanako heard herself say, "Yes," and didn't know why. "who are you?" Said her conscious half, for surely her old tormentors would be as old as her by now. This thing was certainly not just turning eighteen.

"I am the demon of Betrayal. I am the sum of your worst memories." He sounded proud, and he stepped away from the machine and grinned manically. His eyes flashed, and Hanako heard the crackle of a starting fire. His skin seemed to warp, and he seemed to grow. "I am your chains, your prison, and your will incarnate. I am Judas, the Betrayer! Now PLAY!" His skin bubbling like wax, he began to laugh, as the floor warped and machines sprang away as if possessed by fear from this thing. Hanako held herself steady. The last time she backed up started this mess. She couldn't run now.

But her breath was growing faster and faster, and her attention span was growing shorter, and she could feel her heart beating against her chest like it was trying to escape. She needed help! She needed out! Lilly! Hisao! someone!

But no-one was there to help, so she ran. And Judas laughed all the way behind her.

Skidding around the corner, she screeched to a halt. A great wall had grown to block her way. Running again, she found another wall, and another, solid red brick decorated with bright posters she used to see on the outside wall of the arcade. Judas rose behind her, a roiling mass of laughing faces from her childhood. Babies arms stuck out from random angles from the morass, weaving into each other, impossibly long. Each laughing head jeered at her, a cacophony of hurtful insults and poisonous questions, pretending to care but only really caring of their image.

Hanako pressed herself into the wall, the hard brick rough against her back. Her hand searched on its own, and she felt a strange, cool, smooth cylinder press into her palm just as one of Judas' hands flew out towards her. She raised the whatever it was up to block, the only thing she could do. She was going to die. Hanako shut her eyes.

Judas cried out in shock and pain, the arm quickly retracting into the waxy morass of his body. Hanako lowered the broken hilt of the ruby broadsword, just enough of the blade left to cut her foe. As Judas reeled back, Hanako felt a strange surge of confidence, as if some of her fear had been spilt with the Demon of Betrayals blood.

But her reprieve was short lived. Two arms this time lashed out, on either side of her. She leapt to avoid one, but couldn't bring the sword to bear in time to block the other.

It smashed into her side like a freight train, sending her skidding into an arcade booth with a loud grunt. The hilt of the Ruby Sword went skittering away. Judas raised another arm. It's voices rang out in a off-key sort of chant, all sounding at once but at vastly different pitches. "You have no friends. You are not strong by yourself. We are strong." The Arms of Judas lashed out again, a hundred strong.

But the first sentence resonated with Hanako. She didn't have friends. She was alone...

No, that wasn't true. She had Lilly. She had Hisao. She didn't need anyone else. She didn't need to run amok with fifteen other street rats like she did when she was younger. They weren't real friends. But Lilly and Hisao, they knew her, and they still called her friend. They didn't make fun of her or try to be condescending to her. They were real, true friends. The old betrayals, they didn't matter any more. They didn't matter! "I have friends! I have real friends now! YOU ARE NOT STRONGER THAN ME!" Something was different, she could feel it. It was like she was meant to be here. Like this was something she had to do.

Her hand closed around a ruby hilt, and she brought it up faster than she could have ever done were she not so high on adrenaline. A thousand hands smashed down upon Hanako's thin, frail form... But she was stronger. The hands fell to the floor, severed. They twitched for a second, and lay still. Hanako stood up slowly, glaring as Judas writhed in pain. Already more arms were growing from his waxy body, but she saw him grow the smaller.

It became almost easy. Leap, duck, dodge, cut, and another bit of her betrayer, another bit of her bad memories, lay on the floor, twitching a dying breath. Each scream shrunk Judas, until finally she was close enough to him to strike. And then he melted back into the form of a child. He was hurt, and scared, but he stood against her with a pride not befitting his position.

"I am you. You can't kill me. I'm your memories. I'm the one who made you what you are." He said. Somehow, Hanako knew it was the truth. She could run him through and sever his neck, and he wouldn't die. He was a part of her.

"You may have made me who I was..." she said slowly. "But who I am now, you have nothing to do with. You're in the past now. Nothing but a memory." Judas nodded, and seemed to come apart, into fluttering little pictures, the kind one would find in a blackroom. She shook one out, and noticed it was a first-person perspective of one of her old friends.

She stayed there for a moment, lost in memory, and when she pulled her mind away, she found herself in a cooling shower room, kneeling in a small puddle of condensed water. But something was different, she felt. She was still Hanako, but... Today, she thought, she should start a conversation. With someone. About anything.

Baby steps. Maybe some scars could heal.

So, sort of like Persona, but also sort of not really at all. The persona itself has been replaced by a weapon formed by the resolve to conquer your Demons, and for the purposes of a smoother read I think I'll wipe most of the minor shadow-type creatures from the picture and make it all about finding and dismissing the Demons.

Also unlike Persona, rather than being repressed parts of their personalities or themed shadows, the Demons are formed from memories and the psychological effects that go with them, As Judas showed by dissolving into pictures. Social Links are unneeded, as without actual personas being fused there's no call for that.

I somewhat dislike this bit here, for the simple fact I can't seem to find a good way to show that Hanako is still Hanako, and yet have her actually fight Judas and not... well, die. I always had the impression of inner-strength from Hanako, but I'm not sure how best to press it out of her, as her personality is so fixed around shrinking back at the slightest provocation. Luckily, with Judas out of the way, Hanako being more confident starts to make more sense. With a bit of luck, it'll turn out believable how she actually starts seeking out Demons to fight. With a little bit more luck, the plot won't knock her OOC too often. X(

Still, I have plans for Hanako to be quite badass. The Tower of Chains grows closer, as does the Burning City.
Last edited by Karnewarrior on Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Pyrophobia: And in she leapt, as a Hare into the flames, and She did not burn, for too fast was she for the Fire, for too brave was she to be afraid, for too strong was she for mortal men and mortal fears. [A Hanako story]
Waifu list.
#1: Osaka
#2: Rin
#3: Nano

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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Fri Jun 21, 2013 2:56 am

Well, that was exciting. I do wonder how Hanako managed to reclaim the sword, though, as it was said to have gone skittering away after skidding into the arcade booth.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!

BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!

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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:36 am

This chapter could have done with some more editing...
For example:
She rose the whatever it was up to block...
should be "raised"
Also, try not to be so hung up on the similarities with/differences to Persona.
Instead of explaing the differences, take that time to explain your story and let those who actually know Persona figure out the differences for themselves. All the others won't be interested anyway.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Karnewarrior
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Karnewarrior » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:56 pm

By the time she got to the entrance of the classroom, Hanako's spirits had drained away with her adrenaline. It was all just a dream, a dream she had difficulty telling from a nightmare. She paused outside of the door, just around the corner, against the wall in such a way that nobody could see her. She did some breathing exercises one of the less cruel orphans had taught her after she had a panic attack in the cafeteria, but it barely helped any more.

Misha's loud, abrasive laugh echoed out of the classroom, running like sandpaper over her eardrums. The clamor of voices and laughter of friends seemed to push against her, like trying to push two similar poles of a magnet together. Her foot twitched, the only result of trying to walk into the room.

This was routine. On normal days, it would take her four or five minutes to walk through a door into a crowded room. On a good day, she could manage three minutes. So she was surprised by the speed at which she could steel herself today. The memory of Judas dissolving into photographs seemed etched into her mind, as she hurried through the front of the class to her seat in the back, feeling the piercing gazes of her classmates like so many hawks watching a hare. She sat down, head bowed, and hurriedly took out the book she was reading today. But the words seemed to flow together, and the white of the paper made little rivers on the page, and there was no story there.

She kept staring, trying to ignore everyone else. Breaths came in, breaths came out. Those lines of white, the gaps between the words, they look kind of like a dinosaur. And those ones like a map of northern Japan. When the teacher entered, and the voices died, and the stares went back to the front, Hanako felt relieved. Her viewpoint did a full turn, in fact, back to a uncharacteristic optimism.

It wasn't so bad, today. It felt different somehow. As if the floodgates of terror had closed, but the waters not yet receded. It felt more like a habitual fear. She couldn't explain how she knew, though. But habits could be broken, she knew, and new habits made to take their place. Somewhere inside, A little bit of steel took hold in Hanako's heart, and she resolved to break this habit.

Tommorrow, perhaps. There's always tomorrow, right?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilly came to lead her away. Hanako was very appreciative. She knew Lilly had multiple important duties, as well as other friendships to maintain, and yet like clockwork, she would make her way to class 3-3, for Hanako's sake. With Lilly there, Hanako didn't feel so afraid of crowds and people. She still shrunk away, but the stares and whispers seemed less poisonous, somehow.

Lilly was talking about Hanako's recent birthday party. "You did quite well," she praised, "Hisao's presence barely bothered you at all." Hisao being the new kid in class, and as far as Hanako could tell, the dashing prince to Lilly's golden-haired princess. A part of Hanako took quite a bit of note that nothing was official and she herself was still totally an option but most of her was certain he was Lilly's, through and through. Lilly may not have seen the way he looked at her, but Hanako did. She had mixed feelings about the whole affair, and tried to focus on the good ones.

The tearoom door was fashioned of old oak, and looked almost exactly like the library door, save for scuff marks around it's bottom, where multiple repeated hits of a cane had worn the wood to a light tan. Inside, the room itself was bathed in a bright yellow glow, making Lilly seem completely at home with her flax hair. Indeed, Lilly acted as if she were more at home in the tea-room than in her own dorm, tapping her way directly to the tea table, and deftly turning the right knobs on the little heater to boil the water for the tea. She plucked a box from under the counter, felt it's contours, and smelt it daintily before placing it back inside and rummaging for another box.

Hanako had watched Lilly make tea before, but each time was as amazing as the last. The cups clinked against metal spoons almost as rapidly as if Lilly had been able to see what she was doing, and the hot steam and sound of bubbling was as good a indicator as any to how the water was doing.

Hanako turned around in her chair, to the opposite wall, where a big, ornate mirror leaned against the wall. It was surely an antique. She pushed out her chair to stand up, the wooden legs gliding soundlessly over the soft carpeting of the tearoom. Reaching out, the gold filigree of the mirror felt smooth and cold under her hands. The Hanako in the mirror did precisely what a reflection should do, and mirrored her movements exactly. No strange, supernatural happenings here.

With the Tea done, Lilly spun gently on a heel and made her way back to the table. So familiar was she with this room that her cane was motionless, tucked under her arm to allow both hands to grip the teacups. She slid one cup down right in front of where Hanako used to be sitting and smiled gently into the empty air.

Embarrassed at fooling her friend so, Hanako coughed lightly. Lilly looked surprised for only a minute before blushing slightly and huffing. "Don't do that! Here, this one is yours." She grasped the teacup and started walking towards Hanako. It took Hanako a few seconds to realize the danger, but her little yelp came too late. Lilly's foot collided with the chair, still pushed back into the middle of the room, and Lilly stumbled. The hot tea splashed all over the carpet, but more importantly, Lilly herself was sent headfirst into Hanako... and the mirror! The two smashed into each other, twirled one half-spin, and dived into the mirror headfirst.

Try as she might to hold on, Hanako felt Lilly slip from her hands, and her screams drifted away into the swirling colors. Then, with a bit more force and a lot less coordination than before, Hanako landed with a thump and a "oof!" on some sort of soft, black stone. Some random memory of science class a few weeks ago told her uselessly that it was volcanic in nature.

Lilly was nowhere to be seen, and Hanako was alone.
Pyrophobia: And in she leapt, as a Hare into the flames, and She did not burn, for too fast was she for the Fire, for too brave was she to be afraid, for too strong was she for mortal men and mortal fears. [A Hanako story]
Waifu list.
#1: Osaka
#2: Rin
#3: Nano

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Gredd18
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Gredd18 » Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:07 pm

This story just gets better and better, although I feel a table of content and chapter headers would help, as I keep scrolling past the chapters.
Hanako>The rest of them. 'Cause Hurt/Comfort is best thing. And I Love Hanako.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:09 pm

There are a few things that are not really important to the story but that stick out nontheless...
For example your description of the tea-room: I doubt Lilly's cane would have left lasting marks on the door. Also it is an unused classroom, so it wouldn't have a carpet.
Then there's this:
"You did quite well," she praised, "Hisao's presence barely bothered you at all."
A bit patronizing, don't you think? That's just the thing that Hanako would probably be offended by.

And just to be clear - this story is set shortly before Lilly's trip to Scotland, isn't it?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Karnewarrior
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Re: Pyrophobia

Post by Karnewarrior » Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:51 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:There are a few things that are not really important to the story but that stick out nontheless...
For example your description of the tea-room: I doubt Lilly's cane would have left lasting marks on the door. Also it is an unused classroom, so it wouldn't have a carpet.
Then there's this:
"You did quite well," she praised, "Hisao's presence barely bothered you at all."
A bit patronizing, don't you think? That's just the thing that Hanako would probably be offended by.

And just to be clear - this story is set shortly before Lilly's trip to Scotland, isn't it?
Hush you and enjoy the story Oh no wait I can actually take criticism. Also this isn't probably as good as I could do if I was really pushing for it. This is more of a fun story about Hanako and the other Katawas blowing the fuck out of their inner demons with swords/canes/grenades/VTOL planes/Machine guns (fired from the hip of course)/staves/manic pixie dream girl powers/ A sailor Moon DVD box set and other misc. items that one might find on the ground in Sheogoraths palace.

That IS in fact, just the thing Hanako get's slightly miffed about. IIRC, there's a few lines in the canon that suggest Lilly is slightly patronizing, and that Hanako is rubbed the wrong way by it. She's kind of distracted, though. She wasn't paying so much attention to Lilly as mulling over recent events in a meaningful manner.

The story is set slightly after Hanako's birthday, before the trip to Hokkaido (Which came after, I think. I haven't honestly played KS for a while, considering I've been in Basic Training for the last few months. :P I'm going through a reread right now, so hopefully plot-holes diminish accordingly.). Hisao is set on Lilly's path, but of course one can always jump to Hanako's with little effort...

About the marks and carpet... uhh... The classroom for blind students is behind the tearoom, no? So I'm going to go with multiple students AND Lilly tapping past for years. Some are surely going to be A:) New to being blind and thus B:) way more rough with their canes than they need to be. The carpet is there because... Someone put carpeting in there. Please pay no attention to the plot relevant carpeting of linoleum thank you bye

Once again, the story is just for fun. I'm paying less attention to keeping it hole-free and more to making it a enjoyable action flick. Putting your brain in your pocket for this one is probably advisable. OR you could keep it out and try to figure out the dark allegories of the TOWER OF CHAINS... And what it means for Lilly...
Pyrophobia: And in she leapt, as a Hare into the flames, and She did not burn, for too fast was she for the Fire, for too brave was she to be afraid, for too strong was she for mortal men and mortal fears. [A Hanako story]
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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Pyrophobia

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:39 pm

Gredd18 wrote:This story just gets better and better, although I feel a table of content and chapter headers would help, as I keep scrolling past the chapters.
Agreed. I must say I'm very much enjoying your prose, for some reason. I just feel that the choices of phrasing and language really resonate with me, somehow.
Karnewarrior wrote:With the Tea done,
Must be some heavenly tea, to be capitalised like that.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Also it is an unused classroom, so it wouldn't have a carpet.
Not sure what relevance the state of a classroom's usage has to do with carpet. I know that all the classrooms in my highschool bar the science and art/home economics rooms were carpeted; utilised regularly or not.
Mirage_GSM wrote:A bit patronizing, don't you think? That's just the thing that Hanako would probably be offended by.
"I hate Lilly! And I... I hate you more than anyone!"

Don't you think there's a reason for that? I've found Lilly to be somewhat patronising at times, so it didn't bother me at all. Perhaps it could have been phrased a little better, but it didn't seem OOC for me.
Karnewarrior wrote:OR you could keep it out and try to figure out the dark allegories of the TOWER OF CHAINS... And what it means for Lilly...
Is this a hint to the next chapter, or is something missing? :S
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