Redshift - Rika Route [10/2]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
Post Reply
User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Redshift - Rika Route [10/2]

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:46 am

Oh god, what am I doing?

I don't even writing.

This cannot end well.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, look! A table of contents.

Act I: Half a Heart (Act Titlecard)

Scene I: Charge (This post)
Hisao meets a fellow patient in the Nurse's office.

Scene II: Clear
Make way, folks!

Scene III: Shock
Festivities occur.

Act II: Skipping a Beat

Scene I: Horizons
Hisao pays a visit to the "Astronomy Club"

Scene II: A Puzzle Without Edges
The last piece in the box seems to connect to more pieces.

Scene III: A Slice of Life
Really, the title says it all.

Scene 3.5: Preparations (Mini-Scene)
Rika and Hisao prepare for their date.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene I: Charge

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Entering Nurse's office, I see that I'm not the only patient in the room. Sitting on the bed, patiently waiting while Nurse is typing something into his computer, is a very pale girl. Her hair matches her complexion, being wispy and nearly pure white. She rocks back and forth on the bed to some sort of inaudible beat, her braid occasionally brushing her knee.

When I walk in, she stops rocking and makes eye contact with me. Her face shows no trace of surprise, but her posture immediately straightens up as she freezes in place like a deer in the headlights. Nurse takes notice of her sudden lack of motion, looking at the girl and following her gaze to me.

"Ah, Hisao. You're right on time," he begins, resuming his typing as soon as he identifies this intruder, "Hold up a sec while I finalize Ms. Katayama's prescription. You can take a seat right there."

I do as he says and take my seat on the other side of the room. Ms. Katayama, as Nurse called her, is still looking back at me, but she seems a tad bit more relaxed now. Her deep red eyes being locked onto mine for so long feels awkward, so I try to alleviate the pressure by giving her a friendly wave. Seeming satisfied with this, she returns the gesture and continues rocking to the beat of nothing.

Nurse loudly pushes 'Enter' and a receipt starts printing out of a little machine next to the monitor. It takes a while to fully process, with paper continuing to stream out, like that napkin trick that magicians and clowns do. Eventually the device does finish and he tears the length of paper out.

Handing it off to Ms. Katayama, he asks, "Is this correct?"

She looks back at me for a split second before turning back and taking the abnormally long receipt from his hands. In contrast to her normal skin color, her face turns a bright shade of red, showing her embarrassment at the strand of paper. I can imagine how self-conscious I'd be if someone took a good look at the pile of orange containers on my night stand. Considering the size of the text on it, this girl must be on almost as much medication as me, which is a feat unto itself. Her expression falls as she skims the list of drugs, being fully reminded of why she's here, I assume. I know the feeling. I get it in the mornings when I think too hard about how many pills I seriously just took.

She extends the receipt back to Nurse. "Yeah, they're all there. They'll be in by tomorrow morning, right?" she asks, her voice as small and frail as the rest of her.

"Of course," he responds as he secures the paper to her file using a paper clip, "But Rika, you need to come in sooner when you're running low. We can't have you going 3 whole days without your medication. You know how dangerous that can be in your case," he states, his expression hardening. Rika takes a sudden interest in the floor tiles to her left.

"I know, sir," she responds, her voice shrinking even smaller, if that's possible.

Nurse's expression lightens a bit as he continues, "I'm not gonna lecture you while Mr. Nakai is right there, but try to be more responsible from now on."

She looks at him directly and nods before he dismisses her. As she gets up and gracefully makes her way to the door, I find myself wondering how it is that she can support herself with how skinny her legs are. Then again, the rest of her body is also quite slim. Her movements involve as little actual movement as possible, as she opens the door just enough to slip through and close it behind her. If you weren't paying attention, you'd have thought she phased through the door like a ghost.

"Got an eye for skinny girls, eh?" Nurse asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Er- What?" I say as what he just said buffers in my mind. Just as the thought finally resumes streaming, Nurse's face is enveloped in his trademark mischievous smile, and my face enveloped in the heat of a blush.

"No, I just- Well-" I stumble before finding the right words, "She's just pretty skinny for how tall she is."

"Yeah, she does seem like a twig, huh? Come on over and let's see how you're holding up to Emi's runs," she tells me, returning to his nonchalant attitude. But, then again did he even leave it in the first place?

We have our usual checkup. Pulse. Blood pressure. How I felt after the run.

"You've been keeping up on your meds, right Hisao?" That's an odd question for him to ask when I've had a prefect check up this time. Though, considering his last patient, I guess it's a valid concern.

"Of course I have," I say.

"Good. That's good," he breathes seeming relieved. I consider asking about the girl, Rika, but I'm afraid that it's something I shouldn't talk about. It seems like that's a common problem I run into around here, wondering wether or not something to be said is taboo. I was such a large prescription that he probably wouldn't hold it to me if I asked.

"That girl back there had quite the medication, huh?"

"Yeah, and she worries me when she does this. You keep doing what you're doing Nakai. You wouldn't want the image of a little nurse in his office stressing out and tearing off his scalp because you won't stay healthy, do you?" He asks, returning to his informal stature, trying to change the subject before I press further. Doctor-patient confidentiality is a terrible thing. I humor him and tell him how guilty I would feel. After a bit more small-talk, he lets me go.

I leave the office only to be greeted by Rika standing beside the door, a beacon of white in the dull brown hallway. I nearly run straight into her, a collision avoided by her swift movements. Unlike her, I don't possess the grace of a butterfly, and end up needing to catch myself on a hand rail. Gravity is one tricky bastard, but he won't get me this time.

"Are you okay?" The dainty voice behind me asks as I turn around face my near miss victim. Again, there's no discernible surprise on her face, but there is a hint of worry. And, once more, her body is straight as a nail with both her hands gripping the white braid running over her shoulder. I gather myself a bit before responding.

"Heh, yeah. I'm fine. I have a bit of a history with running into people," I say, referencing mine and Emi's first meeting.

"I'm so sorry. I was just coming to tell the nurse something I forgot. I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time," It seems like an excessive apology for a little thing. Despite the way her voice sounds, it's not filled with anxiety or insecurity, like how Hanako or Yuuko would apologize. All she seemed to be doing was pleading her case.

"Hey, it's no problem. It was just an accident, after all," I state, trying to brush it off.

"Okay then," she answers. I stand there expecting her to say something else, but it becomes apparent that no more words are on the way, leaving an awkward silence hanging between us.

"Well, um... Bye, I gues-"

"Wait," she interrupts, "You... Er. You have a heart condition too?" she asks awkwardly, catching me off guard. How the hell did she know that? I've barely even told Emi about it, and she's suposed to be helping me deal with it. Why did she say 'too'?

"I- Uh..." I stammer, but there's no point in hiding it now. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I have a really bad habit of stopping and listening to things too much," she says sheepishly, her eyes wandering anywhere but my face.

"You were eavesdropping?" I ask. Her eye's widen for a split second, the blush surfacing on her cheeks lasts longer than that though.

"No! It's not eavesdropping if it's an accident... Right?"

"Was it really an accident though?" I retort.

"... No," she admits, defeated. I'm about to say something when my mind wanders back to that word: too.

"You said 'too'. Do you have a heart problem?"

"Yeah, I do. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome."

The way she says such alien words so casually strikes me as odd. Hypo what? Left heart? At least you can figure out what Arrhythmia means. A-rhythmic. No rhythm. Rika notices my confusion and continues, "Basically, at birth, the left side of my heart wasn't a chamber, it was solid. I had surgery for it as a toddler."

That would explain it. Living with something since birth tends to make it not so alien, yet it still strikes me. There are people at this school born with disabilities, and others like me who have only just found or acquired them. I don't know which party is better off. Is it better to live with bad and not know better, or to at least know what better is and live with bad? Then a new thought crosses my mind.

Is it really that bad?

"Arrhythmia," I say, returning the favor, "My heart beats abnormally, so sometimes it might just... Stop," I explain, struggling a bit with that last word. The idea is still new to me that I might drop dead at any moment, and it's a frightening thought.

"So, I guess you and I are... the same?" she asks, her eyes locked with mine, and her stiff demeanor subsiding.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I respond, a blush lightly touching my cheeks.

She smiles at my answer and twirls around to walk the other way, her movements swift and loose, but not at all clumsy. She's so light on her feet, I imagine her blowing away in a light breeze. I'm about to follow her out of the building when I remember why we ran into each other in the first place.

"Didn't you need to talk to the nurse about something?" I call forward, seeing as she has a considerable lead on me.

"Nope," she says back as she disappears out of the building. I run the rest of the way down the hall to catch her, but she's already gone. Maybe the wind did blow her way.

That little liar, I think to myself, though I really can't bring myself to be mad since I seem to have made a new friend. I don't know anything about her except that she has a bum heart like me, which is at the very least a bit of common ground to work off of.

Who are you, Rika Katayama?

|Next Scene
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by Retrograde01 on Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:34 am, edited 21 times in total.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6059
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 15, 2013 3:14 am

When I read "Rika route" my first reaction was "Oh no, not another one."
It seems you're trying to make her something different than a self-destructive, nihilistic brat, though, so colour me cautiously optimistic :-)

Oh, and congrats on getting it right:
...I say, referencing mine and Emi's first meeting.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 3:16 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:When I read "Rika route" my first reaction was "Oh no, not another one."
It seems you're trying to make her something different than a self-destructive, nihilistic brat, though, so colour me cautiously optimistic :-)
Another one? I only found one other one, and it was very rushed and non-descriptive to me.

User avatar
Walshy12238
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
Location: Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Walshy12238 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 4:32 am

I really enjoyed that, it was great. It wasn't excessively long and got the point across without having to use tonnes of detail. You write well :D
The only thing I had a problem with was the way you phrased this sentence:
Retrograde01 wrote: She makes eye contact and nods at him before he releases her.
I had to look over it twice, but that's probably just me. I would have written: "She makes eye contact with him and nods before he releases her."
I dunno, it just seems a bit clearer that way, in my head at least.

Either way I'm really looking forward to reading the rest, hopefully this doesn't drop off and get forgotten because it really is great. I'm already interested to find out more about this characterisation of Rika.
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin

User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 4:47 am

Walshy12238 wrote:I really enjoyed that, it was great. It wasn't excessively long and got the point across without having to use tonnes of detail. You write well :D
The only thing I had a problem with was the way you phrased this sentence:
Retrograde01 wrote: She makes eye contact and nods at him before he releases her.
I had to look over it twice, but that's probably just me. I would have written: "She makes eye contact with him and nods before he releases her."
I dunno, it just seems a bit clearer that way, in my head at least.

Either way I'm really looking forward to reading the rest, hopefully this doesn't drop off and get forgotten because it really is great. I'm already interested to find out more about this characterisation of Rika.
Fixed that for ya, bro.

User avatar
Walshy12238
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
Location: Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Walshy12238 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 4:49 am

Retrograde01 wrote:
Walshy12238 wrote:I really enjoyed that, it was great. It wasn't excessively long and got the point across without having to use tonnes of detail. You write well :D
The only thing I had a problem with was the way you phrased this sentence:
Retrograde01 wrote: She makes eye contact and nods at him before he releases her.
I had to look over it twice, but that's probably just me. I would have written: "She makes eye contact with him and nods before he releases her."
I dunno, it just seems a bit clearer that way, in my head at least.

Either way I'm really looking forward to reading the rest, hopefully this doesn't drop off and get forgotten because it really is great. I'm already interested to find out more about this characterisation of Rika.
Fixed that for ya, bro.
Well you didn't have to, but it does look better now :P
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin

User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 4:50 am

Walshy12238 wrote: Well you didn't have to, but it does look better now :P
I aim to please.

User avatar
Walshy12238
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
Location: Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Walshy12238 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 5:01 am

Retrograde01 wrote:
Walshy12238 wrote: Well you didn't have to, but it does look better now :P
I aim to please.
Out of curiosity, do you have any idea when the next scene will be posted? I actually am pretty interested to read more
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin

User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 5:13 am

Walshy12238 wrote:
Out of curiosity, do you have any idea when the next scene will be posted? I actually am pretty interested to read more
If the caffeine prevails, and my willpower remains true to the cause, within the next 2-4 hours. (It's 2 am here though)

User avatar
CaptainFalcon
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2012 5:53 am
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route [6/14]

Post by CaptainFalcon » Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:01 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:When I read "Rika route" my first reaction was "Oh no, not another one."
I believe Mirage is talking about Rikabro's Rika-psuedo route, which finished awhile ago and was fantasically written, however as Mirage also stated she was certainly self-destructive and nihilistic :lol:

Anyway I very much liked the first chapter, it's nice to have a different portrayal of Rika and I think i'll like this one very much :D

User avatar
Walshy12238
Posts: 117
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
Location: Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route

Post by Walshy12238 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:49 am

Retrograde01 wrote:
Walshy12238 wrote:
Out of curiosity, do you have any idea when the next scene will be posted? I actually am pretty interested to read more
If the caffeine prevails, and my willpower remains true to the cause, within the next 2-4 hours. (It's 2 am here though)
Well for the sake of both you and the story, don't try and rush it to be able to post it as soon as possible or anything. I'd rather read a top quality scene every now and then as opposed to two or three lacklustre scenes every other day.
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin

User avatar
Retrograde01
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:37 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route [6/14]

Post by Retrograde01 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:32 pm

CaptainFalcon wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:When I read "Rika route" my first reaction was "Oh no, not another one."
I believe Mirage is talking about Rikabro's Rika-psuedo route, which finished awhile ago and was fantasically written, however as Mirage also stated she was certainly self-destructive and nihilistic :lol:

Anyway I very much liked the first chapter, it's nice to have a different portrayal of Rika and I think i'll like this one very much :D
Hmm. I don't know how I didn't find that route. It was a pretty interesting read, very nicely written.

Walshy12238 wrote:I really enjoyed that, it was great. It wasn't excessively long and got the point across without having to use tonnes of detail. You write well
I'm sorry. Tired me might as well be drunken me, and I forgot to say thank you for the compliment. You're too kind.
Walshy12238 wrote:Well for the sake of both you and the story, don't try and rush it to be able to post it as soon as possible or anything. I'd rather read a top quality scene every now and then as opposed to two or three lacklustre scenes every other day.
Tired me = drunken me. I stayed up far too late, and half the progress I made was shit. Thank god I didn't finish. :oops:

Chapter 2 was half done when I posted this one. Shouldn't be too long now.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6059
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route [6/14]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:38 pm

Hmm. I don't know how I didn't find that route. It was a pretty interesting read, very nicely written.
I'm glad you dind't find it until now.
Since then every story featuring Rika has painted her more or less the same way. I'm looking forward to you taking a different approach!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
nemz
Posts: 531
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:39 am

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route [6/14]

Post by nemz » Sat Jun 15, 2013 3:58 pm

yep, different can be good. I'll keep an eye on this.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

User avatar
CaptainFalcon
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2012 5:53 am
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: Flowing Red - Rika Route [6/14]

Post by CaptainFalcon » Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:03 pm

Agreed, a fresh approach here is really nice! I'm very much looking forward to the second chapter

Post Reply