Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

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Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots! Summer Update!

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 11, 2013 10:50 am

Some folks have expressed a desire for more Kenji and Hisao related drunken antics. Never one to deny my audience, or an excuse to drink, I present the following one shot, which would chronologically take place three or four months before my new summer series, a few days before the trimester break in March.

Since the main H&K table of contents was getting a bit long (and the main story is concluded), I decided to make a thread for one shots in the H&K universe (I also needed an excuse to make a new Word document, because the other one was 3 megs, and that’s insane for a Word file; like that’s the size of a song, people.) For those not familiar with the zany awesomeness that is Hisao and Kenji: Master Detectives! (twang) the link is in my signature, and right here: Link says hi

Now, on with the show, where’s my tequila…

Also, I apologize if I offend any of my Canadian neighbors to the south (it’s a Michigan joke)
Table des matières:
Hisao and Kenji: Drink Hard on a Couch 2: Electric Boogaloo (This Post) Part II Part III
Hisao and Kenji: Setting Up Shop
Hisao and Family: When She Smiles Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX
Hisao and Kenji: Apocalypse Cow Part II
Misha Birthday Special Part II
Welcome to the Family Part Gobble Gobble Part Gobble Gobble Gobble
To Have and To Hold –A Valentine’s Day Special Part II
Withdrawal By Faith Part II
Drink Hard on a Couch 3: Put the Mob Down! Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI
Poker Night Part II Part III Part IV Part V
Fighting for the Future –A H&K: MD! Birthday Special
Drink Hard on a Couch 4: Drink Free or Couch Hard Part II Part III Part IV Part V
First Meetings
Full Circle -A Father's Day Special
Christmas Meetings –A Soon-hee Special Part II Part III Part IV Part V
A Christmas Tale Part Two Part Three
Shining Middle Child -A Father's Day Special
Drink Hard on a Couch 6: The Recouchanence viewtopic.php?f=52&t=8639&p=239372#p239372 Part III Part III
Summer Swarm Part II Part III

From the MD thread:
A Masterful One-Shot: Sparring and Scarring
Drink Hard on a Couch –An HK: MD One Shot

Halloween Specials:
Hisao and Kenji and the Last Samurai!
Hisao and Akira(?!)- Terror in the Night!
Hisao and Akira(?!): Walla Walla Bing Bang!
Hisao and Kenji- Concrete Jungle
Drink Hard on a Couch 5: It Came From Beneath the Couch! Part Two Part Three Part Four
The Official H&K Universe Timeline
2009:
Apocalypse Cow
First Meetings

2010:
Withdrawal By Faith
Hisao and Kenji: Drink Hard on a Couch 2: Electric Boogaloo
Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo
Hisao and Kenji and the Last Samurai!
Drink Hard on a Couch 3: Put the Mob Down!

2011:
Hisao and Kenji: Poker Night
Drink Hard on a Couch 4: Drink Free or Couch Hard

2012:
Fighting for the Future –A H&K: MD! Birthday Special

2013:
Hisao and Kenji: Setting Up Shop

2017:
Master Detective Mystery One: O Father, Where Art Thou?
A Masterful One-Shot: Sparring and Scarring
Mystery Two: Wherehouse, Warehouse?
Mystery Three: Mason-Free

2018:
Mystery Four: Templar, Templar
Mystery Five: Quia Peccavi Nimis
Mystery Six: The Final Showdown?
To Have and To Hold
Hisao and Akira(?!)- Terror in the Night!

2019:
Mystery Seven: Hisao and Kenji Versus the Predator
Mystery Eight: Art Seizery
Misha Birthday Special (Ending)
Welcome to the Family
Mystery Nine: The Illuminati’s Revenge!
Drink Hard on a Couch –An HK: MD One Shot

2020:
Mystery Ten: From Sea to Shining Sea
Mystery Eleven: Lending a Hand
Mystery Twelve: The Final Mystery?
Hisao and Akira(?!): Walla Walla Bing Bang!

2021:
Hisao and Family: When She Smiles

2023:
Hisao and Kenji-Concrete Jungle
Picking up the Pieces- A H&K: MD Christmas Special

2024:
The First Week -A Soon-hee Story
The Manila Tales –A Summer-ish Series
A Summer of Tales -A Summer Series
Christmas Meetings –A Soon-hee Special

2025:
Full Circle
Hisao and Kenji: Drink Hard on a Couch 2: Electric Boogaloo


“I don’t like it,” Kenji grunted.

“Less talking, more lifting,” I retorted, as I helped him move a large, flat screen TV into our dorm room for the night, “why did we have to borrow this again?”

“We do this every month,” Kenji replied.

“And every month I bitch about it,” I countered.

“At least it won’t give you a heart attack,” Kenji consoled.

“You hope,” I muttered.

I wouldn’t do it if I thought there was any danger, but the damn thing was heavy and hard to fit in our room, and complaining about it was distracting Kenji from his concerns about our guest for the night’s movie night.

Eventually we managed to haul the massive screen to the other side of the dorm room. Setting it down along the back wall, I paused to check my heart rate and calm my breathing, to be on the safe side.

“You okay?” Kenji asked as he started rooting through a box of cables and wires.

I paused a moment to make sure I was before responding, “Yep. You got everything else we need?”

“Got the cables, got the pizza rolls, got the Jack; we’re good to go,” Kenji stated.

“Do you have the movie?” I asked.

Kenji sighed, “Of course, man. Give me some credit.”

“Just being thorough,” I stated.

While Kenji hooked up the TV and our DVD player, I rearranged the chairs to face the screen. Fitting them between our beds and desks arranged along the side walls was a bit tricky, especially with the extra fold out chair and stool for the food tray, but I managed.

When everything was hooked up, Kenji stood up and gave the TV an affectionate pat, “we really need to buy one of these, and stop borrowing Masaki’s all the time.”

I shrugged, “we barely have room to borrow one, much less own it. Because, I might add, all of your boxes over there for that newsletter of yours.”

“The truth must be heard!” Kenji declared, raising his fist as he posed dramatically, and I half expected his gold and red scarf to start billowing behind him as he continued, “those halfwit Lib-Dem fascists at the school paper may not see my genius or believe in my revelations, but I shall reveal the truth to those who open their eyes.”

“Well, as long as that entails you running a small business out of our dorm –or at least keeping the stuff to do so here- no TV bigger then my desk,” I stated.

Kenji shrugged, “that’s fair, man. How are we on food and booze?”

I moved over to the arrayed snacks and bottles, scratching my chin as I confirmed our stock for the night, “well, we got the pizza rolls, the bagel bites, the microwave dumplings, and those pot stickers Hanako made for us. As for alcohol, a case of Sapporo and a bottle of Jack Daniels seems to be it.”

“Yeah, stock’s kinda low,” Kenji stated, sighing and running a hand through his unkempt black hair. With the dorm light glinting off his thick, round glasses, he muttered, “I still don’t like it; we barely know him.”

I sighed and rubbed my temple, absentmindedly rearranging some of my own, brown hair in the process, “what’s to know? He’s an international student with a hard-on for Japanese literature who happened to be working at the library when Lilly needed some help. The rest is, as they say, history.”

Not that I knew how appropriate that phrase was then; it just seemed like something that would quell Kenji’s paranoid mind. No such luck, of course.

“Okay, fine, but what do we really know about him?” Kenji replied, crossing his arms in agitation, “what if he’s one of them French Canucks always ranting about independence? Or some sort of plant by those Green Party whackjobs? Or worse, part of the Templar plot to conquer Canada as part of their invasion of the United States and their efforts to claim the rich, fertile marijuana fields of Kentucky?”

It took me a moment to process all that, but at least it had given Kenji a chance to vent himself. Pausing to sigh and catch his breath, I decided to counter his ramblings with facts –a poor prospect, I know, “well, first of all, he’s from Vancouver, so he’s not French Canadian –I’m pretty sure he mentioned being of straight English stock. Second, I don’t see how him being in Japan will help a fringe third party from a country where a monarch an ocean away has more power there than in her own nation. Third, what the hell is a Kentucky, and why would the Templars want pot?”

“To control the masses, obviously,” Kenji replied, rolling his eyes in exasperation, “did you learn nothing from that pamphlet I gave you?”

“Look,” I said, my patience with Kenji’s conspiracy theories running low that night (besides, it turned out the Templar’s were more interested in Mexico’s weed then America’s), “Lilly is my girlfriend’s best friend –more like a sister, really. George is Lilly’s boyfriend, and I think I owe it to Lilly to welcome the guy into our little misfit family. Frankly, I think we could use someone a little less… unorthodox in our lives.”

Kenji chuckled and nodded, “maybe we could, man. Still, you coulda said something before inviting him.”

“I knew how you’d react –we’re never getting our security deposit back now, by the way,” I said, pointing to a small hole in our white wall recently filled in with modeling paint and toothpaste, “so try and relax and welcome the guy?”

Kenji stepped over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. Looking my left ear in the eye, he slowly replied, “If it means that much to you, man, okay. And sorry for going all apeshit on you.”

I shrugged as Kenji lowered his hand, “I’m used to it.”

Kenji smirked and chuckled, but before he could step back someone knocked on the door.

“Campus security!” I heard a familiar, slightly deep voice declare, “We’re here for a random drug raid!”

“Fuck!” Kenji snapped, “They’re on to us man!”

With a fluidity and accuracy I had come to expect from my mildly disturbed friend, Kenji dove under his bed. The sounds of clanking and scraping told me he was donning his combat helmet and grabbing the double boiler pot he made me wear whenever we watched a war movie, “I’ll hold them off, you go out the window!”

“We’re on the third floor,” I reminded him, “and what are you gonna do, throw darts at them?”

My eyes wandered over to the door, where a dart board had been hung up. A picture of Shizune Hakamichi was tacked to the board, and several darts were imbedded in the wood, with one lone dart right in Shizune’s right iris.

“Besides,” I said as I stepped toward the door to open it,” I recognize that voice….”

I opened the door and was greeted by a familiar lanky blond woman in a pinstriped suit, “Yo, lookie what I found!”

I raised an eyebrow, then noticed what she was talking about; her left arm was hooked around George Williams’ neck, our guest for the night and then boyfriend of Lilly Satou. Short by Western standards, being roughly the same height as his current captor, Akira Satou, he had black hair and hazel eyes that presently looked highly confused and mildly frightened.

“Hey George,” I said, using English for the hell of it.

“Hi,” He said, in Japanese, “thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem,” glancing at Akira’s smirking face, I added, “I see you met Akira.”

“Indeed,” George replied.

“So, what brings you here?” I asked Akira.

Still hanging onto George, as if he might bolt for the nearest way out –which he looked like considering- Akira grinned and held up her other hand, which was holding two bottles wrapped in brown paper bags, “came by a day early for my usual Lilly grab for some time in Scotland, and decided to drop by. Met George at Lilly’s dorm, and when he said he had to leave to go here, I decided to tag along –I even brought some gifts!”

“You can’t just take us in like this!” I heard Kenji bark from under the bed, “We have rights, dammit!”

“Calm your sphincter, man,” I said, rolling my eyes and sighing.

Akira peered over me into the dorm, “Heh, sorry ‘bout that –couldn’t resist.”

“It’s George and Akira- you know, Lilly’s sister?” I asked.

“You let a woman enter our sacred Hall of Manliness?” Kenji snapped.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead as I heard Kenji crawl out from under the bed. When I stepped aside to let the two in, I was able to see Kenji stand up and dust himself off. He was wearing a costume combat helmet, painted olive drab. He was also holding a very old cast iron frying pan like a throwing spear, his other hand holding a pack of gum he must’ve dropped at some point and forgotten about.

Akira finally let go of George’s head and strolled into the room. Waving the two bottles in front of her, she said, “Now, is that anything to say to a person bearing gifts?”

Kenji raised an eyebrow, “maybe, if the drinks are poisoned or of such poor quality as to be insulting.”

Akira blinked for a moment before chuckling, “fair point. Kenji Setou, right?”

Akira stuck out her free hand, and I wondered how Kenji would react. Granted, he was less likely to blame everything on a feminist conspiracy in those days, but he was still very introverted and hermit-like, and didn’t take to meeting new people well. He just did a piss-poor job of handling it.

Kenji nodded and took the proffered hand, dropping the frying pan with a loud thunk to do so, “I guess denying it won’t do me any good, so sure. You’re Akira, then?”

“Yup, you’ve met my sister, Lilly,” Akira stated, raising an eyebrow as she learned that Kenji could muster a decently firm handshake when he had to.

When Kenji let go he glanced down to try and examine the bottles, “so, what’d you bring?”

“Scotch whiskey and Canadian whiskey; one gift from my people –well, half of my people- and one from George’s,” Akira replied.

Akira handed Kenji the bottles, which he carefully took, one in each hand. He moved over to his desk to unwrap and examine them. Eyeing them closely, he slowly looked over the two amber liquid filled bottles for a few moments, before turning back to Akira.

“Very nice; thank you,” Kenji stated, smirking lightly.

“No problem; I’m just awesomely generous like that,” Akira said, grinning.

“You’re Christian charity is appreciated,” Kenji quipped, which earned him an amused snort from Akira.

A thought struck me, and I turned to Akira, George still a pace behind me in front of the door, “hey, Akira, do you wanna stick around? We were gonna drink ourselves stupid and watch a movie –if you don’t have a flight to catch, that is.”
Last edited by Hoitash on Thu Jun 21, 2018 7:49 am, edited 45 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 11, 2013 10:51 am

Part II:

Akira turned to me, her expression thoughtful, “flight’s tomorrow afternoon; I decided to stick around a bit to say hi to everyone –I woulda called first, but showing up early was a last minute thing. As for the movie, I dunno…”

“We got food,” I said, gesturing to the platters of food arrayed on the folding table. Pointing to the nearby cooler loaded with ice and beer, I added, “and Sapporo~.”

At the mention of her favorite beer brand, Akira’s eyes lit up. Kenji’s, meanwhile, were narrowed in poorly concealed irritation. Glaring in my general direction, he cleared his throat with a cough and stepped towards me.

“Hisao, can I have a word?” he asked.

Sighing, I nodded and stepped forward, Akira stepping aside to stand next to George, who still looked wary. Considering his exposure to Kenji at the time had been rather limited, that, combined with the not entirely unreasonable worry concerning Akira, made his anxiety entirely understandable.

I made it two paces when Kenji wrapped an arm around my shoulders and dragged me over to the other side of the room. His head close to mine, his breath thankfully no longer plagued with garlic, he hissed, “what the hell are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that my girlfriend’s best friend’s sister has a stressful job and misses her sister a lot,” I whispered back, trying to ignore the strain on my shoulders, “and I think this would be a good bonding experience for her and George. Akira’s approval of him will mean a lot to both him and Lilly, and this is as good a chance as any for them to socialize in a low key environment.”

Kenji stared at me blankly for a few seconds, apparently dumbstruck by my logic, “…fuck I hate it when you make sense.”

“One of us has to,” I muttered under my breath. A little more clearly, I added, “besides, she brought booze, she should get a chance to drink some of it, especially if she’s as generous with liquor as she is with wine.”

Kenji sighed and released me from his grasp. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he grumbled, “…since George isn’t a member of the Brothers in Brotherhood yet, her being here wouldn’t violate the activity bylaws. If she wants, she can stay.”

“Thanks,” I whispered. Patting Kenji’s shoulder, I wheeled around and coughed to clear my throat, “so, you wanna stick around? You brought the good stuff, may as well get a chance to have some.”

Akira rubbed the back of her neck, “I dunno…”

“If you have something better to do,” Kenji said behind me, “we understand.”

Akira glanced at the ceiling in thought for a while. After a few moments she shrugged and smirked, “not really; I’ve spent most of the day with Hanako and Lilly, and The Boyfriend’s packing to spend the break with us, so… what’s the movie?”

Aliens,” I responded, “it was my turn to pick, and I felt like a Cameron flick.”

“Hard to go wrong with him,” George interjected.

Akira grunted and shrugged again, “never seen that one…”

“Great!” I declared, “Then welcome to Movie Night, where we have all the high sodium food and booze you never knew you wanted.”

“Yeah, welcome,” Kenji said, “we got pizza rolls, bagel bites, dumplings, some pot sticker’s Hanako made, and not enough seats.”

He was right; I had borrowed a fold out chair for the night for George, but hadn’t expected a second guest, “guess someone’s stuck on the floor.”

“I’ll take the floor,” George stated, “it’d be rude not to, after all.”

Akira chuckled and turned around to face George, who was still near the front door, “thanks, I appreciate that.”

“Great,” Kenji said, “almost everything’s settled then. Hisao?”

“Right,” I moved to the bathroom door and knocked three times. When I failed to hear a response, I opened it and called to the closed white door on the other side, “hey, you guys head out yet?”

When I didn’t hear a response, I turned back to Kenji, closing the door as I did so, “we’re clear on that side.”

Kenji nodded and headed for the other wall. Feeling along the white painted wood, he paused at a slight indentation, where he proceeded to loudly wrap out “shave and a haircut.” When there was no response of “two bits,” he grinned and gestured toward the arranged seats and table.

“Area’s clear, so, if everyone could have a seat, we can get started.”

Removing her suit jacket and slinging it over her soldier, Akira dutifully plopped herself down in the foldout chair, placing her jacket on its back as she did so.

“So, when does the drinking start?” she asked.

“Soon,” I said, then looked at Kenji, “we gonna make a game for this one?”

“Nah,” Kenji replied, taking his own seat on Akira’s left, so they were separated by the table, “this isn’t an official function, and my new order of parchment hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Fair enough,” I said, “there’s some space over there, George.”

George nodded and took a tentative seat in front of and between the foldout chair and the rolling desk chair I would eventually occupy. He still seemed a bit nervous, but hopefully that would dissipate when the movie started. Or he got drunk off his ass. Grabbing the disc off of Kenji’s desk, I maneuvered my way toward the DVD player and set her in.

While the disc worked its way to the main menu, I grabbed some clear plastic shot glasses and poured everyone a shot of whiskey. Handing them out, I lifted mine up to propose a toast.

“To our guest of honor, Akira Satou; welcome back, and glad you could stick around for a bit,” I stated, then downed my shot.

For the curious, Canadian whiskey is made in a similar fashion to some Irish scotches, so in terms of flavor and aroma, they tend to not be very different. As with most such liquors, it’s the aging that’s the key factor (though a good barrel helps.) The stuff Akira had brought was much smoother then what I was used to drinking, which my throat greatly appreciated.

After finishing our shots, Akira wasted no time in reaching for the cooler and passing out beers, grabbing one for herself in the process, of course. Kenji, meanwhile, started handing out paper plates for people to load up with food. By the time all that was finished, the menu had appeared.

“Everyone ready for movie?” I asked.

“Yup,” everyone else replied.

“English with Japanese subtitles okay?” I asked.

“Yup,” everyone else replied.

“Alright,” switching to accented English, I stated, "‘ere we go!”

“Was that a cockney accent you just tried to imitate?” Akira asked, raising a confused eyebrow at me.

“Orkish,” Kenji clarified, “Hisao’s discovered the university’s gaming club, and I fear he may now worship at the alter of Matt Ward.”

“Do not speak such heresy to me!” I declared, “Besides, his codexes are balanced, he just sucks at writing fluff.”

And with that, we began our movie watching experience.

==

“Damn nice of them not to space her and keep the salvage,” Akira remarked as she sipped her beer.

“I’ve always thought that, too,” I commented, “makes me wonder what would happen if Joss Whedon had wrote this instead.”

“It’s called Aliens: Resurrection,” George stated, “and the less spoken of that abomination, the better.”

“Indeed,” Kenji and I concurred, both shuddering lightly at the memory we had been unable to drink away (probably for the best, though.)

==

“Is it weird that this meeting reminds me of work?” Akira asked as she finished her first beer.

“Reminds me of our biweekly tutoring meetings,” I mused.

“Our monthly meetings at the paper aren’t much better,” Kenji grumbled, “if it wasn’t for Hanako there to save my ass every time the editor’s got butthurt, I’da been fired months ago.”

“The more things change,” George declared, “the more they stay the same. Although I don’t think we have to worry about hordes of aliens running through our ventworks.”

“Oh, spoiler alert,” I warned Akira, “There’re aliens in this movie.”

“And in this room,” George quipped.

==

“So, they lose contact with a colony,” Akira stated as she worked her way through a shot of scotch, “and they bring one measly company of Marines? I mean, I get that they’re not expecting trouble, but this seems kinda lax.”

“Maybe that’s the point,” Kenji stated, sipping his beer as he glanced towards Akira.

“How so?” Akira asked.

“You’ll see,” Kenji declared, “maybe. If your eyes and ears are willing to accept the truth.”

“Is he always like this?” Akira asked me.

Downing another shot of whiskey, I replied, “pretty much, but the scary part is when he starts making sense. He’s like some sort of psychotic drunken Cassandra, if she were Ernest Hemingway after reading Dan Brown and going on an acid trip.”

“…You spend way too much time on the internet,” Akira declared, downing the rest of her shot.

==

When Hicks pulled out his trusty pump action shotgun, George said something as he finished his second –or maybe third- beer.

“George,” I said, “you’re speaking English, and I exhausted my knowledge of English when I said hi to you two at the door.”

“He shsaid ‘if you’re gonna bring a shotgun as a military weapon, why not something semi-auto’?” Kenji translated for me, his glasses askew and his scarf snaking its way down his body.

“That makess sssense,” Akira slurred, a Scottish accent sneaking its way into her speech as she did so, “I mean, if ye’re gonna bring a shotgun, bring sommit with some oomph!”

“Right,” Kenji declared, “like an Automatic Awesome 12, or a SPAS, or somethin’!”

“It might be personal choice,” George stated, in Japanese.

“Could be,” I concurred, “I mean, Kenji’s Call of Duty multiplayer loadout isn’t competitive level, but he still kickssss tens kinds of ass… when he can see what he’s shooting.”

“I have Sight beyond any mere mortal, for I-!” Kenji’s drunken rant was cut off as Akira shrieked; we had reached critical xenomorph levels.
Last edited by Hoitash on Sat May 11, 2013 11:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 11, 2013 10:51 am

Part III:

“You better not tell anyone I squealed like that,” Akira declared after chugging another beer.

“Only if you promise not to blab about that yelp I gave at the facehugger,” George said.

“Deal,” Akira declared.

“…although, it was kinda cute…”

“Watch it,” Akira snarled, making George scoot away from her.

“Ah, I’m kiddin’!” Akira declared, grabbing George and lifting him up onto her lap with surprising strength, “you ain’t half bad, ye know?”

“Thanks, Akira,” George said, slipping back into English.

==

“So…” Akira stated as Burke revealed his true colors, “what you were saying earlier, Ken… Kent… Kenji! Kenji, about the mission seeming understaffed…”

“Yes?” Kenji asked as he sipped some scotch, his glasses lopsided so one weary eye was aimed at whatever random object he could focus it on.

“Were you sugesticiting that that company had some sort of pull to keep the mission low-staffed, so Burke would have a better chance to succsheed?”

“Exactly!” Kenji declared, raising his fist in triumph and knocking his glasses fully off his face in the process.

“Ah, the Shaman Eyes!” I yelped, lifting my hands up to shield my face from their penetrating yet foggy gaze, and knocking myself in the head with a beer can for my efforts.

“You okay?” George asked, still stuck in English, and still on Akira’s lap, like a bodyguard that was really overprotective of the local Wise Guy.

“Yeah,” I grumbled, rubbing my forehead with the cool can, “and you’re still speaking Englishsh.”

“Ssory.”

“No prob, man,” Kenji said.

==

“Oh God, they’re coming,” Akira nearly squealed, hiding behind George as the xeno’s prepared to swarm the surviving Marines.

“You okay?” George asked her as he munched on the last bagel bites.

“They’re everywhere!” she snapped back, “and they cut the fuckin’ power! That’s not fair!”

“All is fair in love and war,” Kenji stated, still without his glasses, though he had probably seen this movie enough times to not need them –or he was so drunk he was unwilling to risk groping around for them.

“Still, that’s -HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” Akira screamed, jumping with a start and sending George pelting forward onto the floor.

“Hey,” Kenji said, trying to focus on the George shaped lump now on the floor, “’s long as you’re down there, could you get my glasses for me?”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

==

By the time George had pried himself from the floor, grabbed his beer before it could leak out all over our carpet, and find Kanji’s glasses for him, Ridley was working her way towards the Queen’s nest to rescue Newt. As soon as he had finished all that, Akira had grabbed George and hauled him back on her lap, which surprised me until she started rubbing his hair.

“You have really nice hair,” Akira remarked, “kinda like Hisao’s, if Hanako’s anything tah go by.”

“Hanako talks about my hair?” I asked as I ate the last pot sticker.

Akira snorted and nodded, “of course; ‘tis nice hair.”

“Huh,” I grunted, sipping a shot of scotch, “nice to know… what else does she talk to you about?”

Akira glanced at me blearily, “nice try, but Girl Talk is sacred and not easily divulged.”

I sighed and nodded, and Akira turned her attention back to the movie.

“…Newt’s one lucky girl…” she said with a sigh, “I doubt me father would go intah a nest of alien horrors to rescue me…”

“He’d hire a regiment of mercs to do it,” George stated as Akira continued to pet him, like some sort of oversized lap dog.

Akira snorted again, which started a brief coughing fit. When she recovered she grunted, “That sounds like the sonabitch –throw money at a problem. If money won’t fix it, it ain’t worth tah trouble…”

“… It’s not my place to say, but if what Lilly says is any indication, he loves you both very much, in his own way.”

Akira sighed and pat George’s head, “Lilly’s too damn nice fo’ her own good… so-er you, Georgy.”

==

“Well, that was a fun ride,” Akira declared when the movie ended, “thanks for invitin’ me.”

“Glad you enjoyed yourself,” I said, “although, I gotta ask; how’re you gonna get to your hotel?”

“I was gonna go tah my boyfriend’s place,” Akira replied, getting up and forgetting George was still in her lap.

George slid off of Akira’s leg and crashed into the folding chair, which finally gave way under the strain, its valiant duty now fulfilled for the night.

“Ow.”

“You okay?” Kenji asked.

“’M fine,” George grunted as he kicked the collapsed chair away from his semi-entangled legs, “um, could someone help me up?”

“Here,” Akira said, hefting George up and over one of her shoulders, “I’ll take yah back ter your dorm for tah night.”

“Take me to Lilly’s,” George said, every other word in English, “and you can sleep it off there.”

“Hang on,” I said, slowly rising to my feet. My legs threatened to give way, but I stayed upright-ish by leaning against the chair lightly, “you two’ll never make it, or you’ll get caught… get caught, by um… campus security.”

“They’re not very tolerant of drunken sheganigans,” Kenji stated as he hefted himself up as well, “they’ll go apeshits on you like the LADP…LPAD…LAPD.”

“Right,” I said, “so, Kenji should go with you.”

“Why me?” Kenji asked, “I’m a perfect target right now!”

“Because,” I said, my lower lip beginning to quiver, “if Hana seeees me like this, she’s gonna get mad,” my quivering intensified as I began to whimper, “and when she gets mad she yells and she’s really scary when she yells and it makes me feel like shit because I love her and want to see her happy and not yelling but if I go with you she will see me and then she’ll yell and be mad and I don’t wanna make Hana mad and-”

“Hisao!” Kenji barked, stepping over toward me and bitch slapping me in the face, “for the love of Sandy Mitchell, pull. Yourself. Together!”

I blinked and felt my cheek, “…you just bitch-slapped me.”

“Damn right I did,” Kenji declared, his expression firm as he continued, “no friend of mine is gonna pussy out in fear over his girlfriend. I’ll go, and together, the three of us will dodge every rent-a-cop between here and Okinawa if we have to.”

“Uh, guys,” Akira interjected, attracting our attention, “I can just call Daichi and have him pick me up.”

“…who?” we both asked.

“My boyfriend, his name is Daichi. I never mentioned that befo’?”

“…no…” I replied.

“Huh,” Akira grunted, “well, I’ll just call him and have him pick me up.”

“You coulda said something sooner,” George mumbled; he seemed to be nodding off, and was still speaking mostly in English –Kenji had to translate most of that statement for me.

“Nah, they’re little act was too hilarious tah inter-upt,” Akira declared.

“…you should shstill stay here ‘till he showsss up,” I said, “Kenji wasn’t kidding about the security.”

“Okay, I’ll just wait by the door,” Akira said, “here, you can have Georgy.”

Akira shoved George over to Kenji, who staggered back from the effort of catching him and the shock of half him handed off to him so abruptly –it was a minor miracle the two didn’t topple over right there. George mumbled something in English I couldn’t understand, and judging from Kenji’s confused shrug as he angled George so he could lean on his shoulder, he didn’t, either.

“Okay then,” I said as Akira started tapping at her phone’s keypad, “we’ll just, um, go over there, then.”

“Right,” Kenji said, moving over to the DVD player to get the disc. He made it one step before tripping over George’s feet, sending both of them toppling to the floor in a tangled mess.

“Ow.”

“New plan!” Kenji declared, raising his free hand up towards the ceiling, “we collapse where we stand and pass out, like men!”

And with that, Kenji was out. Judging by the light snoring from under him, so was George, poor guy.

Deciding to keep Akira company as she sat by the door waiting, I staggered over to the wall and slowly slid myself down next to her corner. When I was down I checked my heart rate, musing for a moment at the idiocy of youth.

“You really have fun?” I asked, closing my eyes to make the room stop spinning.

“I did,” she declared, “Boyfriend’ll be here in a few minutes. Thanks, by the way; both for tah fun evenin’, and for tah chance to get to hang out with Georgy.”

I smirked and turned my head toward Akira, my eyes still closed as I said, “I wassss that obvious?”

“Kinda,” Akira said, “but, like I said, I had fun, and he seems like ah decent enough guy.”

“Lilly’s a lucky woman, then,” I mumbled as I started to drift off.

“Indeed,” Akira stated. I felt her place her head on my hand and pat my unruly hair affectionately, “and you’re a good friend.”

I managed to mumble a thanks before I finally passed out.

+++

…Well, that just happened.

Fortunately Kenji and Hisao don’t drink this much every time they watch a movie, or they’d die from liver failure long before anything else had a chance to get them. I figure they may be trying to keep up with Akira, too; can’t let the woman show up the men in their Sacred Hall of Manliness, right? As for Akira’s handsiness, eh, just chalk that up to the booze. The accent’s just osmosis.

I hope this was as witty, sarcastic, and hilarious as I hoped it was. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed it! I have no idea why I said hope three times, hope that wasn’t an issue (okay I’ll stop.)

/smokebomb.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by CaptainFalcon » Sat May 11, 2013 11:22 am

Oh Hoitash, I love you and your incredibly entertaining and amazing stories. So glad you decided to give us more!

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Hoitash
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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 11, 2013 11:31 am

CaptainFalcon wrote:Oh Hoitash, I love you and your incredibly entertaining and amazing stories. So glad you decided to give us more!
Thanks for reading, glad you liked it :)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by CaptainFalcon » Sat May 11, 2013 11:40 am

The pleasure is all mine! I only recentlyish finished H & K: MD (which was also amazing) so i'm glad to see more being written for them :D

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by CptSalsa » Sat May 11, 2013 9:42 pm

Comedy gold. I want my life's morals to be based off of this writing.
“Because,” I said, my lower lip beginning to quiver, “if Hana seeees me like this, she’s gonna get mad,” my quivering intensified as I began to whimper, “and when she gets mad she yells and she’s really scary when she yells and it makes me feel like shit because I love her and want to see her happy and not yelling but if I go with you she will see me and then she’ll yell and be mad and I don’t wanna make Hana mad and-”
That just about sums up the bad ending, and earns my nomination for best line ever.
Whenever I log on to this forum it's usually in the dead of night and on a mobile phone. Hooray for technologically-induced insomnia!

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 11, 2013 10:32 pm

CptSalsa wrote:Comedy gold. I want my life's morals to be based off of this writing.
Just remember: always abuse in moderation.
“Because,” I said, my lower lip beginning to quiver, “if Hana seeees me like this, she’s gonna get mad,” my quivering intensified as I began to whimper, “and when she gets mad she yells and she’s really scary when she yells and it makes me feel like shit because I love her and want to see her happy and not yelling but if I go with you she will see me and then she’ll yell and be mad and I don’t wanna make Hana mad and-”
That just about sums up the bad ending, and earns my nomination for best line ever.
Yeah, that was definitely my inspiration for the rant. 'Cept in this case Hisao probably just said something stupid after she had a nightmare, and she flew off the handle in her less then emotionally stable state.
Last edited by Hoitash on Mon May 27, 2013 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Helbereth » Sun May 12, 2013 8:25 am

He’s like some sort of psychotic drunken Cassandra, if she were Ernest Hemingway after reading Dan Brown and going on an acid trip.
I have absolutely no idea what Hisao just said... I mean, I understand they're references on some level, but... I only know who one of those people is.

The rest was funny, despite some clerical errors, and reminded me that I still haven't seen Aliens in its entirety.

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 12, 2013 9:32 am

Helbereth wrote: The rest was funny, despite some clerical errors, and reminded me that I still haven't seen Aliens in its entirety.
Thanks, I do what I can :).
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Dumanios » Sun May 12, 2013 7:45 pm

That was pretty fun.

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 12, 2013 8:36 pm

Dumanios wrote:That was pretty fun.
Thanks :).
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by griffon8 » Wed May 15, 2013 12:34 am

Helbereth wrote:
He’s like some sort of psychotic drunken Cassandra, if she were Ernest Hemingway after reading Dan Brown and going on an acid trip.
I have absolutely no idea what Hisao just said... I mean, I understand they're references on some level, but... I only know who one of those people is.
Links added to help you. I hope the last one isn't the only one you knew…

I thought about linking to the actual page on Dan Brown, but the link I did use is why his name was used.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Helbereth » Wed May 15, 2013 2:20 am

griffon8 wrote:
Helbereth wrote:
He’s like some sort of psychotic drunken Cassandra, if she were Ernest Hemingway after reading Dan Brown and going on an acid trip.
I have absolutely no idea what Hisao just said... I mean, I understand they're references on some level, but... I only know who one of those people is.
Links added to help you. I hope the last one isn't the only one you knew…

I thought about linking to the actual page on Dan Brown, but the link I did use is why his name was used.
Actually, I knew Hemmingway. The other two were a complete mystery, which Hoitash explained via PM. Thanks for the effort, though. Honestly, I'm not fond of references on top of references like that because they'll either serve to confuse or segregate your readers, and neither of those are desirable effects you want to have on any audience. It does depend on who your viewers are, though.

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Re: Hisao and Kenji: Masterful One Shots!

Post by Hoitash » Wed May 15, 2013 9:37 am

Helbereth wrote: Actually, I knew Hemmingway. The other two were a complete mystery, which Hoitash explained via PM. Thanks for the effort, though. Honestly, I'm not fond of references on top of references like that because they'll either serve to confuse or segregate your readers, and neither of those are desirable effects you want to have on any audience. It does depend on who your viewers are, though.
I like to do the Daniel Tosh thing, where I proceed to make the reference pool narrower and narrower, because its that much sweeter when someone actually gets it :). And it amuses me.

And since someone did, I am happy, and thus I thank you, griffon8.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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