Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Conclusion Update!

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/15

Post by griffon8 » Wed May 22, 2013 11:26 pm

Hoitash wrote:Not a big fan of cleaning in general really, so naturally I'm constantly applying for custodial positions.
Reminds me of why I never bothered looking for jobs with lawn companies and such. After mowing lawns for work, who the hell wants to mow their own lawn?
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/15

Post by Helbereth » Thu May 23, 2013 12:18 pm

griffon8 wrote:
Hoitash wrote:Not a big fan of cleaning in general really, so naturally I'm constantly applying for custodial positions.
Reminds me of why I never bothered looking for jobs with lawn companies and such. After mowing lawns for work, who the hell wants to mow their own lawn?
This is sort of the same thing backwards: I love cooking, but I couldn't bring myself to do so professionally.

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/22

Post by CptSalsa » Fri May 24, 2013 11:45 pm

Hi.
"Do let me know if your insomnia comes back, though, or if anything happens at the concert.”
Either the "though" should be gone, or you remove the comma before the aforementioned word. I think.
“are you out of your motherfuckin’ mind!”
Before I say anything, can I ask if this is supposed to be a question or am I supposed to imagine it not sounding like one?
I nodded and reached for the sucker, “my girlfriend has first aid training, so I should be fine.”
With a sentence structure like this, the majority believes (going back to my long ago Grade 9 Personal Achievement Tests and other marked narrative assignments) that the first letter of the first word of a sentence in quotations should be capitalized. It also looks weird.

Also remember what I told you about em-dashes and en-dashes?

This really nitty picky nit-picking is because I love y—it makes your work look professional, I guess. "I love your work" works too. Also did you see how I used both dashes there?

I see more K-On(!(!)) references in your replies now.

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/22

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat May 25, 2013 5:18 am

CptSalsa wrote:
I nodded and reached for the sucker, “my girlfriend has first aid training, so I should be fine.”
With a sentence structure like this, the majority believes (going back to my long ago Grade 9 Personal Achievement Tests and other marked narrative assignments) that the first letter of the first word of a sentence in quotations should be capitalized. It also looks weird.
Well, I wouldn'd use a comma there in the first place.
There's no reason you cannot use a full stop instead, since the first part has nothing to do with the second.
I only use commas to seperate direct speech if the non-direct speech part of the sentece uses a verb that is directly connected with the action of speaking, e.g. say, mention, shout, whisper, lie, comment etc. I'm not sure if that's an official rule somewhere, but it feels natural to me.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/22

Post by Hoitash » Sat May 25, 2013 10:16 am

CptSalsa wrote:Hi.
'Ello :D
"Do let me know if your insomnia comes back, though, or if anything happens at the concert.”
I wondered about that. I removed the comma before though and kept the sentence intact to resemble rambling, which is what most professionals do in my experience.
“are you out of your motherfuckin’ mind!”
Before I say anything, can I ask if this is supposed to be a question or am I supposed to imagine it not sounding like one?
I'm imagining it's semi-rhetorical, and Kenji's meaning it as more of statement. And I forgot the question mark.
I nodded and reached for the sucker, “my girlfriend has first aid training, so I should be fine.”
Also remember what I told you about em-dashes and en-dashes?
D'oh! Thanks for the edits, and the dash knowledge.
I see more K-On(!(!)) references in your replies now.
Here or on my blog? Cuz Hanako's a fan of their music, so things might get tricky. Nonetheless I shall do my utmost to keep my otaku nature where it belongs. On an unrelated note, K-On! movie! Yay!
Skull.
Lycopene.
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Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/22

Post by Hoitash » Wed May 29, 2013 11:15 am

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” –Robert Frost’s A Road Not Taken

Previous Chapter

Chapter Five (Hanako): In the Rear With the Gear


Friday morning, the first day of the trip, dawned sunny and humid. I dressed appropriately in an old pink long sleeved band shirt I had bought online, a pair of well fitted blue jeans, and my trusty black flatcap. I had my hair pulled back, too, since by that point the campus was almost completely abandoned. Once I was ready, I hauled Lilly out of bed and rolled her into the bathroom so she could get ready. While she stumbled through her morning routine, I double checked our bags to make sure everything was packed and good to go.

I had hoped that Hisao having to take his meds, go for a run, shower, and change would give us enough time to get ready, but he had already texted me saying he would be waiting in front of the dorms when Lilly managed to haul herself out of the bathroom. Dressed in a light green skirt that stopped just below her knees and a Pirates of Penzance t-shirt, she had abandoned her ponytail and as a result, her long blond hair flowed behind her, giving off the fairy-tale princess vibe she seemed to garner so well.

“We need to go,” I declared, “Hisao’s already waiting for us.”

Lilly nodded and yawned, sounding something like a dying walrus, “sorry for taking so long. I haven’t had to get up this early since my family toured Loch Ness.”

“It’s okay, but we gotta go, or Kenji’ll have a fit,” I stated.

Lilly nodded and we grabbed the bags to head out.

Ten minutes later, with a decent sized portable cooler slung over her shoulder, her cane collapsed and abandoned in her purse, I hauled our luggage and half guided, half dragged the poor woman to meet with Hisao; she was still pretty drowsy. Kenji had planned a dramatic unveiling of our ride, so we had to meet him in a nearby parking lot after the three of us grouped together.

The sun was shining bright and clear, causing a damp mist to hover just above our ankles. With the sky as clear as it was, the mist wouldn’t last long, and was already starting to dissipate where the sun’s warmth reached the ground. The sky was clear for the most part, but the clouds of the rainy season loomed in the north and the west, though the south looked clear, so hopefully we wouldn’t be driving into any rain.

“Hey,” Hisao greeted when we came into view.

He had abandoned his sweater-vest for his black “Stand Back- I’m Going to Try Science” t-shirt, and brown khaki’s. Apparently he decided to let his nerd show during the trip, which was fine with me; he was quite the handsome nerd, in my opinion.

“Good morning,” Lilly yawned, “Hisao, would you be a dear and carry me?”

I giggled, but Hisao seemed to be taking her seriously, looking her over as he glanced at his small pile of luggage –just two small black bags, “not on my own. Hana, you know the fireman carry, right?”

Lilly laughed lightly, “it’s alright; I’ll manage.”

“W-we should have enough caffeine, at least,” I said, glancing at the cooler.

Hisao nodded, “Our caffeine distribution is in good hands.”

Lilly nodded, “indeed. Though I noticed he split the cost of tolls and gas equally.”

I was exempt from paying travel expenses because I was providing the tickets and hotel room. Kenji had thus decided to split the cost of gas, tolls, and caffeine beverages between the three of them. Lilly was paying the bulk for the beverages, though. I guess Kenji presumed she’d be drinking most of them.

I glanced towards the unseen parking lot where Kenji was waiting and mused aloud, “I wonder what kind of car Kenji got.”

Hisao shrugged, “no idea, but it’s probably only a car in the loosest sense of the term.”

I smiled and nodded, “w-we should probably go.”

Hisao sighed, “Yeah, best not keep the Hero of the Imperium waiting.”

With that confusing pronouncement, Hisao gathered up his luggage and gestured in the direction of the nearest parking lot. Reluctantly taking the hint, I continued to guide-drag Lilly to Kenji and whatever vehicle he had procured. Meanwhile Hisao took advantage of the fact that he was behind me and I was wearing blue jeans.

It had taken some doing, but I had started to accept that I could be considered attractive, and so had started to wear more flattering, if not revealing, clothing. The blue jeans were a personal favorite, since they were also comfortable and matched my denim jacket. I also noticed people were less likely to notice my scarring if they were busy staring at my ass.

It was still a bit unnerving to have my body appreciated, though, even by Hisao, so I was a little flushed as I stammered out, “s-seems n-nice this morning.”

“It certainly sounds peaceful,” Lilly observed.

“The campus is more or less abandoned right now,” Hisao stated, “although this early it would be anyway.”

I nodded absently as the blush slowly faded from my cheeks, “any idea where K-Kenji got a car?”

Hisao shrugged, “not a clue.”

We didn’t have much time to mull over where Kenji had got a car or what it would look like, because it wasn’t long before the parking lot came into view, as did the reason for Hisao’s nickname for Kenji.

Standing with the sun behind him in the otherwise abandoned parking lot, Kenji was wearing a pair of thick aviator sunglasses while dressed in a dark gray trench coat. His red and gold scarf was wrapped around his waist like a sash, a dark wooden pipe was clenched in his teeth –likely for effect, since it there wasn’t any smoke rising from it- and perched on his head was an Imperial Commisar cap.

I glanced back to Hisao and raised an eyebrow, “w-why is Kenji wearing your cap?”

Hisao smirked and shrugged, “because he’s Kenji. I’m more concerned about the car, honestly.”

Behind Kenji, gleaming in the bright morning light, was a dark green station wagon with light wooden side panels, looking like some shining artifact from American history. What it was doing in Japan I had no idea, but the sight of such a beautiful piece of mechanical creation stirred something in me, and I felt a little more sure of Kenji’s planning then I had before.

“What car did he procure?” Lilly asked as we stepped onto the already warm asphalt.

“A Ford Country Squire,” I announced, “sixth generation model, 1973-1978 design.”

I have a thing for classic cars and motorcycles. Back then it was their simple design that appealed to me. I had even managed to wrangle some time in a few trade skill courses so I could work on them firsthand. Machines are far easier to fix than people, and doing so is very cathartic for me.

“Exactly!” Kenji shouted; we weren’t very far away, but I still jumped as I realized he had heard me, “automatic transmission with a 335 V8 engine, seats eight, and has a CD player hooked up to the battery.”

“You know,” Hisao said as we stepped into a line a few paces in front of the car and Kenji, “looking at it, it seems kinda familiar…”

Kenji grinned, “I borrowed it from Oji.”

“You borrowed my lab partner’s car?” Hisao asked from my left, “How the hell did you pull that off?”

“Easy,” Kenji declared, still grinning, “I offered to help his occult club hunt ghosts for a month.”

“O-occult club?” I asked, Lilly practically leaning against me in a vain effort to nap now that we had stopped moving.

Hisao sighed, “There’s a rumor that the poli-sci department is haunted by the ghosts of some samurai whose clan manor was supposedly placed on the same land before it was razed during the civil wars.”

I had never put much stock in the paranormal, but, sometimes, in the Yamaku tea room, I had wondered if every now and then the sounds of laughing and crying students weren’t a bit too…echoey.

Trying to shake such creepy thoughts from my mind, I asked, “Is that why you w-wanted us to b-bring CD’s?”

Kenji nodded, “an epic road trip deserves epic music! Like my copy of the Brutal Legend soundtrack.”

“I brought Wagner for you,” Lilly replied, mumbling a bit into my shoulder.

“Much appreciated,” Kenji stated, “now wake up, woman! We got work to do! Hisao, Hanako, what did you bring?”

Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of War of the Worlds,” Hisao announced.

“A homemade CD of K-On! songs,” I replied.

“Sounds like quite the mix,” Hisao observed, “now we just need the other two to show up.”

“O-other two?” I asked, tilting my head as I turned it towards him.

Kenji sighed, “Yeah, Captain Science here agreed to let two freeloaders tag along.”

“They’re not freeloaders,” Hisao retorted, “They’re friends. Well, a friend and her boyfriend.”

“I think I hear them coming,” Lilly mumbled, fully nuzzled against my shoulder at this point.

While I tried to shake Lilly upright, as her body was squeezing the cooler painfully against my thigh, we all perked our heads and listened. At the other end of the parking lot, behind Kenji and the car, two people were approaching, one of whom I recognized almost instantly, even though I hadn’t seen her for several months.

A short young woman with light brown hair down her back, she was wearing a green t-shirt that matched her eyes. A pair of blue, knee-length socks and khaki shorts completed her look. She was also hefting a bulky brown backpack that was about half as big as she was. A blue portable cooler was strapped to one shoulder. With her was a young man with lightly tanned skin and long black hair that went well past his shoulders. He was wearing a blue polyester shirt with black buttons and a calligraphic green flame pattern, and blue jeans. He also had a pack on his back, though it was a bit smaller than his partner’s. The two marched forward until they were a few paces behind the car, than stopped. Now that they were closer, I noticed the dark circles under the woman’s eyes, attributing them to the stress of finals and an early start.

Standing to attention and snapping a salute at Kenji, the woman declared with a snide smirk, “Emi Ibarazaki and Kwan Kotobuki reporting as ordered, sir!”

“Very funny, Shortie,” Kenji said with a snarky grin of his own, “did you bring the cooler?”

“Yup!” Emi chirped, “Your food and water supply for the trip is assured,” grinning mischievously, she added, “oh, and hey, Setou. Nice to see you.”

Kenji continued to grin as he retorted, “Hey, Ibarazaki. Nice to not be able to see you.”

“Good, then you won’t be able to see this,” she said before flicking him off.

I couldn’t help giggling at the two. Kenji had metaphorically run into Emi once or twice near the end of our senior year of high school. Considering he thought she was an agent of the feminist conspiracy, and she was, well, Emi, it was almost inevitable the two would go at each other’s throats. As a result they had quickly developed a vitriolic and antagonistic relationship that somehow refrained from being malicious. Perhaps they enjoyed the verbal sparring.

Lilly managed a weary, “good morning, Emi, Mr. Kotobuki.”

“Oh!” Emi yipped, “Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Kwan Kotobuki,” Emi stated, grinning as she wrapped an arm around the taller man’s waist.

“Good morning,” he said with an awkward bow that sent his long hair falling over his shoulders, “call me Kwan, please.”

“Hey,” Hisao said.

“That’s Hisao,” Emi said, and started pointing as she introduced us, “that’s Lilly, that’s Hanako, and that’s Four Eyes.”

“Fuck you, Shortie.”

Giving Kwan a nudge, Emi retorted, “That’s his job.”
Last edited by Hoitash on Mon Dec 16, 2013 11:25 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/22

Post by Hoitash » Wed May 29, 2013 11:16 am

Part II:

I blushed and focused my eyes on a far-off tree. Kwan had avoided staring at my scars when I was pointed out, and I imagine Emi had mentioned a few things about us beforehand. It was unnerving meeting him on the fly like this, but I was so excited and nervous about the trip, I couldn’t really divert my anxiety to worry about anything else, if that makes sense. It probably helped that I was still a bit tired, and he seemed like a nice enough person. Or I was still getting over the shock of his hair and shirt; he reminded me of one of the guitarists for Dragonforce.

“Hello everyone,” Kwan said with another bow, “sorry for the short notice.”

“About that,” Hisao said, rubbing his head and attracting my attention with a glance, “he and Emi were visiting her mother, but had bought tickets to the concert. Emi asked me last night if they could tag along, and Kenji and I reworked everything so they could come.”

“You’re welcome,” Kenji added as he glared at Emi’s left ear.

“Thanks,” Emi chirped. Managing a light bow despite her no doubt hefty bag, she added, “Sorry for imposing, but trains give me cabin fever, and buses make my legs clank too much.”

For emphasis, Emi lowered one of her socks and wrapped her knuckles on one of her matte gray prosthetic legs. It clunked dully, and she said, “imagine that, but completely random and for six hours. In a car at least I can stick the bag between my legs for the trip. And we got our DS’ so I won’t be climbing the walls.”

“You are always welcome with us,” Lilly declared, “it’s a shame we haven’t been better able to keep in touch.”

Emi’s schooling and training had caused her to drift away from her friends and acquaintances from Yamaku. Her tendency to keep people at arms length didn’t help. The only one of us she kept in regular contact with was Hisao, mostly to make sure he was still running and hadn’t suffered any serious heart issues since we had graduated.

“That’s one reason I decided they could join us,” Hisao stated, “that and to piss off Kenji.”

“Very funny,” Kenji grunted, “alright, before we pack up this motherfucker, we got some shit to discuss. Emi, Kwan, front and cen-ter!”

Rolling her eyes, Emi stepped into line with the rest of us, Kwan following as Emi took a spot on Lilly’s right. When they were in line, Kenji grabbed the pipe from his mouth with one hand and a stack of sheets from an inside pocket with other. After a brief glance at the sheets, he stated, “alright, first things first: Hanako, since you know what this baby actually is, do you mind driving first?”

“N-no,” I replied, trying to remember how to drive an American car, which was something I had only read about.

Kenji grinned, “Knew you had it in you. Can you two drive?” he asked Emi and Kwan.

Kenji’s confidence helped keep my anxiety at bay, but there was still the fact that I was being depended on. I couldn’t let them down. I wouldn’t let them down. Besides, it was a Ford, they weren’t hard to drive.

“I can!” Emi chirped in response, her enthusiastic pitch bringing me back to the matter at hand.

“Not me,” Kwan said, “never got a license; I prefer the bus.”

Kenji nodded, “alright, our driving schedule’ll be Hanako, Emi, then Hisao. Each person will drive for an hour and switch off at a rest stop. We’ll get gas, reload the caffeine and flush the caffeine from our systems, and hit the road. Our only stops will be those switch-offs, so be ready to go, whether you gotta go or not. Also, the respective partner of the driver will navigate-”

“We’re screwed,” Emi interjected, “Hisao couldn’t navigate his way on train tracks.”

“You’re one to talk,” Hisao retorted, “The only reason you run on a track is so you know where you’re going.”

Emi stuck out her tongue at Hisao as Kenji cleared his throat to regain our attention, “watch that kinda talk. Shit is about to get real, so pay attention.”

With the sun behind him, its rising light no doubt intended to reflect the national flag, he cleared his throat and, pointing south with his papers, began, “Gentlemen, ladies, Ibarazaki; sons and daughters of Japan… For many years, we have been a broken people: scattered, sidelined, and unprepared for the ordeals ahead. One month ago, I asked for time, and that time-”

“What the fuck is he doing?” Emi whispered to Lilly.

“I believe he’s quoting a speech,” Lilly replied in a whisper.

“Scolar Visari’s from Killzone,” Kwan interjected.

“Shh,” Hisao hissed, apparently wanting Kenji to vent himself before we were stuck together in a car for six hours.

“-was granted by you,” Kenji either hadn’t heard the whispering or had ignored it as he continued his speech, “You: the strength in my arm, the holders of our dream… We are about to embark on a great exodus, the likes of which shall be the envy of every student across this great nation, nay, the entire world! You have given me the tools-”

“Guess he had to improvise,” Kwan mumbled.

“-to succeed where no man has any right to. I have forged us into a mighty force! On this day, we stand united once more. On this day, those driven to divide us will hear our voice! On this day, we shall act as one, and we shall be divided NO. MORE! Defenders of the college dream, NOW. IS. OUR. TIME!”

Apparently finished, Kenji stopped to catch his breath and pose dramatically behind the rising sun. It was actually a rather awe-inspiring sight, or perhaps I just needed some caffeine.

“Long live Helghan,” Hisao deadpanned, clapping lightly, “can we go now?”

“What he said,” Emi added, “I came here to rock, not get my ass bored off by some video game otaku.”

Kenji fixed his sternest glare on Emi’s forehead, cleared his throat, and continued, “Road trips make or break relationships,” he declared, “the simplest squabbles become Holy Crusades. The tiniest relationship spat becomes an Epic Battle to rival a Hellsing episode. Make no mistake; war is coming, with all its glory, and all it’s horror.”

Stepping forward and to our left, Kenji began to tap out the contents of his pipe. Bits of white ground chalk slowly traced their way a half-pace in front of us as he slowly walked the length of our group. When he was done, he returned to his speech-giving position and declared, “This is your line in the sand. Anyone who wants out, now is your chance.”

I had no idea Kenji took this trip so seriously. It was reassuring that he had planned everything and took his duties seriously, but also a bit intimidating. After his pronouncement, he locked his sunglassed gaze on my left ear. I clenched my jaw and held firm. I wanted this trip, I was going on this trip, and damn the consequences.

Kenji grinned and nodded when no one crossed the line, “Fan-fucking-tastic. Hisao, Kwan, load this bitch up and let’s GTFO!”

“For the Emperor!” Hisao declared, grabbing his bags as Kenji moved to open the trunk.

“My my,” Lilly whispered to me, “I had no idea Kenji believed so strongly about this trip.”

“Neither did I,” I replied, “I g-guess we really are in good hands.”

The clicks and snaps of opening doors caused me to look from Lilly to the car. Kenji was opening the doors and assigning seats. He and Lilly would sit in the back, Kwan and Emi in the wayback, and Hisao had shotgun next to me.

“Lilly, take your station and prepare for caffeine distribution,” Kenji ordered.

“Aye aye, Captain,” Lilly quipped with a smirk, slowly ambling toward the sound of Kenji’s voice.

“It’s Commissar, if you wanna get precise,” he corrected as he guided her to her seat before taking her bags.

“Jumping you on your running legs,” Hisao grumbled to Emi, who was standing next to him by the trunk, “I think we got a few too many bags.”

“Mine goes with me,” Emi reminded him.

“Yeah, but you’re still starting out in the back,” he stated.

Eventually everything was packed, and Kenji handed me the keys before taking his seat. Closing my eyes, I inhaled slowly before carefully exhaling. Meeting Kwan had been sudden, but so casual and quick I hadn’t been able to process it. Me starting us off on the trip, though? That made me nervous.

“You ready?” Hisao asked, standing by the other side of the car.

I nodded slowly, my left hand tracing the door frame as I appreciated the car’s beauty, “I am.”

Hisao smiled, “you’ll be fine.”

I nodded again and eased into my seat, Hisao doing the same next to me a moment later.

The inside of the car was as archaic looking as the outside. Its 70’s vibe was obvious and endearing. It was hard to be intimidated by such simple elegance, even if I was on a different side of the car than normal.

As I familiarized myself with the dashboard and console layout, Kenji pulled out something from his coat. It was a bobblehead depicting a man in shepherds clothing with a walking stick. He was hunched over as he carried a small child in simple rags on his shoulders.

“What’s with the bobblehead?” Hisao asked when Kenji handed it to him and told him to put it on the dash.

“Saint Christopher,” Kenji explained, jerking his head towards Lilly as he added, “patron saint of travelers.”

“How helpful,” Lilly stated as she slouched into her seat, clearly still tired, “we should be in excellent hands.”

“Here’s hoping,” Hisao said, placing the bobblehead on the dash and starting its bobbing, “I’ll take just about all the help we can get for this.”

“Don’t be so cynical,” Emi stated from the wayback, “what’s the-”

“Don’t tempt fate,” Kwan interjected.

“Would anyone care for some tea or coffee?” Lilly asked.

Reaching into the cooler while we replied, she started preparing plastic cups of tea and coffee from various thermos’ and packets. After lidding the cups, she carefully handed them out.

The tea was a strong anise black tea that snapped my eyes open better than the trailer for a Saw movie. Everyone else seemed more peppy as well from their beverages, even Lilly.

“Nice and strong,” Kenji stated, “good work, Lils.”

“Thank you,” Lilly replied, her smile somewhat strained by the use of the nickname.

“We good to go?” Hisao asked, already holding the map, compass, and directions he needed to navigate.

Everyone was, so after another sip of tea, I set the cup in the holder and placed the keys in the ignition.

“Here goes nothing,” Hisao muttered with a glance towards me.

I returned the glance with a reassuring smile, started the car, and we hit the road.

+++
Next Chapter

Yeah, Emi is coming along for Kenji’s Wild Epic Road Trip of Epicness™.

Kenji’s already been shown to have a flair for the dramatic in the VN. I think it’s a subconscious thing with him, though; a sort of mental tic he has to cover up his withdrawn nature. As for the speech, it’s a good one, but my favorite video game Rousing Speech is Visari’s from[Killzone 2[/i]. Churchill’s beaches speech comes close, but that’s real life, so it’s a different category. Er, what were we talking about?

And yes, it is possible for someone with prosthetic legs to drive an unmodified car, and if it wasn’t, Emi would find a way. I imagine her amputations being below the knee helps.

Next week, tempers flare, lines are drawn, and Emi is the butt of even more sex jokes.
Last edited by Hoitash on Mon Dec 16, 2013 11:27 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/29

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed May 29, 2013 12:01 pm

Having just finished translating the last scene of Emi's path, reading this chapter felt a bit... strange.
Anyway, nice dialoge for Emi and Kenji as well as Kenji's antics. I like your Kenji even better than the one in the VN.

As for typos, nothin gmore than two or three then/than mishaps and:
a man in shepards clothing
Which Shepard do you mean? The one from Mass Effect - strange clothing for a saint - or one of these?
Kenji’s already been shown to have a flare for the dramatic
You mean flair?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/29

Post by Hoitash » Wed May 29, 2013 12:08 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Having just finished translating the last scene of Emi's path, reading this chapter felt a bit... strange.
Anyway, nice dialoge for Emi and Kenji as well as Kenji's antics. I like your Kenji even better than the one in the VN.
I probably have an odd take on Kenji as a character, because as an introvert myself, I feel sympathetic to his plight. I also find his particular brand of insanity highly entertaining. I also think he'd make a great drinking buddy.

Glad you liked their banter, I was curious how it might come across.
a man in shepards clothing
Which Shepard do you mean? The one from Mass Effect - strange clothing for a saint - or one of these?
I meant a shepherd, which is apparently how you're supposed to spell it. Which explains why Firefox and Word were herp-derping on the spell check.

So thanks for that; was wondering what was wrong there :)
Kenji’s already been shown to have a flare for the dramatic
You mean flair?
Indeed :). Thanks for the edits and for reading, and I looked up the then/than thing on the interwebz, so hopefully I'll cut down on that mistake now and in the future :)

(Note to self: spend less on plastic toy models and DVD's, and more on writing guides.)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 5/29

Post by Hoitash » Wed Jun 05, 2013 11:44 am

“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. — BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR, per G.G., Chief of Ordnance.” —Mark Twain

Previous Chapter

Chapter Six (Hisao): I’d Pay to See That


A blond Amazon, a writer, a conspiracy theorist, a college student, a runner, and her boyfriend walk into a bar…

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Kenji wasn’t kidding when he said that arguments could get blown out of proportion during a road trip. I had hoped we could avoid a major argument, since there wasn’t really much to argue about. I did not expect one over something so inane, nor within the first hour of the trip. I didn’t expect it to drag everyone into it, either. So fool me thrice, I guess.

Hanako had been driving for about forty-five minutes. Traffic was light, the sun was shining despite some clouds to the north, and the scenery was a mix of clumps of trees, the occasional farm, and various small towns and cities showing various mixes of Western and Japanese architecture. Conversation had gone in jumps and starts, most of it being inane chatter from Emi.

Everyone was catching up with her or listening to her talk about her physical therapy training, her athletic training, and her boyfriend, Kwan. Apparently he was studying to be an electrical engineer, and had spent most of his life living in metro Tokyo. Kwan himself didn’t talk much, though he did make a point of stating his mother was a naturalized citizen, which was a bit awkward, though understandable as far as preemptive strikes go.

“Oh, Hanako,” Emi chirped once the latest line of conversation had petered out, “I’ve been reading your newspaper columns on the internet. They’re really cool.”

“Thanks,” Hanako muttered, a small smile forming on her face even as she started to flush lightly.

“She wrote a short story for a magazine contest a few months back, too,” I added, “and won third place.”

“Really?” Emi asked, “Awesome! Whaddya write?”

Still smiling, Hanako flashed me a “thanks a lot” glare before responding, “y-young a-adult.”

Emi blinked and grinned, dooming us all as she chirped, “Ooh, like Twilight?”

Crap. She had done it now.

I watched Hanako’s jaw clench as she prepared to unleash her fury. Her eyes were fixed on the road and the minimal morning traffic as she prepared to fight back against the perceived injustice to her writing inflicted by Emi’s flaky logic –guess she figured the introverted woman would write about someone whose life becomes awesome when she meets a weird guy who sparkled.

Unfortunately, before Hanako could say anything, Kenji did.

“Please,” he interjected, “there’s no way Hanako would write crap like that.”

“Excuse me?!” Emi snapped, loudly enough to make Lilly flinch.

Kenji turned his head to look behind him better, “you’re going to tell me you read that drivel?”

“It’s not drivel, you schizophrenic closet case!” Emi barked back, unbuckling her seat belt so she could adjust her body to glare at Kenji properly.

Kenji snorted, “Only an airheaded jock like you could appreciate such inane ramblings.”

“Say that to my face, Four Eyes!” Emi snarled, reminding me a bit of a pissed off terrier, right before it lunged to rip out your throat.

“There’s no need for that,” Lilly cut in, even as she tried to scoot away from the two’s yelling, “There is nothing wrong with appreciating a little mind-numbing literature every now and then.”

“What?!” Emi nearly shrieked.

Lilly groaned and covered her ears, abandoning her lackluster effort at mediation.

Kenji grinned, “See, you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about, so sit down and settle down.”

“Hanako~!” Emi pleaded, “Help me out here!”

I watched Hanako as she finally unleashed her fury, her face flushed and expression determined as she stated, “Glamour. Does not. Work that way!”

Emi groaned, “you, too?”

“There,” Kenji said, still sitting and glancing behind him, “admit defeat and accept that you have terrible taste in reading material.”

“Not until you admit that you’re a narrow minded jackass!” Emi snapped back.

“I am not narrow minded, you nymphomaniac!” Kenji barked.

I looked to Kwan to see if he was going to try and rein in Emi. Using the rear view mirror, I could just see him placing his bag over his head as he slumped down into his seat. That was one way of dealing with Emi: let her wear herself out and move on. Unfortunately, Kenji was the same way, and the two could probably bicker like this for hours.

“Why don’t you say that to my face!” Emi yelled again, clearly running out of snappy comebacks.

“You first, Shortie!” Kenji retorted.

“Fine!” Emi snapped, “I’ll even take my legs off so it’ll be that much more humiliating when I kick your ass!”

Of course the two would escalate to physical violence. Kenji thought he was some sort of Ninja Rambo, and Emi wasn’t above a headbutt or rib poke to get her point across. This had gone too far. I opened my mouth to stop the two, but Hanako beat me to it

The horn honked and we all jumped, Lilly groaning lightly at the noise. When I had recovered I glanced at Hanako, who had honked the horn to get everyone’s attention before stating, “Stop it! A m-man c-convinced against his w-will is of the s-same opinion still!”

Hanako’s breathing was beginning to speed up and her face was flushed, so I jumped in and added, “She’s right, you two have managed to drag everyone else into your bullshit.”

“He started it!” Emi yelped at the same time Kenji snapped “she started it!”

“I don’t care who started it!” I barked, making Hanako and Lilly jump in surprise. I’d have to apologize for that later, “Kenji, it’s not Emi’s fault Stephanie Meyer’s writing lacks the quality and demographic appeal of JK Rowling. Let it go, man.”

“But-” Kenji cut in.

“No buts,” I retorted, “apologize to the woman. Now.”

Kenji groaned and mumbled, “Sorry.” A little more loudly, he also muttered an apology to Lilly for hurting her ears.

“It’s alright,” Lilly replied as she slowly lowered her hands, “I’m just glad you two stopped yelling.”

“Speaking of which,” I continued, “Emi, you should know that people are very opinionated about that book series –why I have no idea, but they are. You need to respect the fact that you’ll get come flak for liking it, and not threaten to kick someone’s ass just because they disagree. Although I do admit watching you kick Kenji’s ass without your legs would be entertaining.”

“Perv,” Emi muttered, which earned a light chuckle from Lilly, Kwan and myself.

“Regardless, apologize to Kenji,” I ordered.

“Yes, Nakai-sensei,” Emi sighed before mumbling an apology to Kenji.

Smirking slightly despite myself, I looked behind me to Lilly, who seemed on the verge of asking Kenji if she could borrow his emergency flask as she chugged her tea to try and calm her nerves, “Lilly, I appreciate you trying to mediate, but your word choice needs some work.”

“I do apologize for that,” Lilly said when she had finished guzzling her tea, “it is difficult to remain completely objective when two people are yelling in your ear.”

“Sorry,” Emi and Kenji mumbled.

“It’s alright,” Lilly responded again, her expression neutral, though her mouth seemed a bit tense.

“I’m s-sorry, too,” Hanako muttered, her eyes furtively glancing between me and the road, “for s-snapping like that.”

“My fault,” Emi replied, “I shouldn’t have tried to drag you in to back me up.”

“I’m not sorry,” Kwan added, “since I didn’t do anything.”

“Coward,” Emi teased.

Kwan gave her a light shove and Emi sat back down into her seat. I glanced at Hanako to see how she was doing. Concentrating on driving seemed to be keeping her mind from entering self-depreciation mode, and she looked relatively calm, though with her that was
rarely an indication one way or the other. She was tapping the steering wheel to the music softly emanating from the speakers, though. That’s how I could tell she was okay.

Kwan’s remark had given me an idea, so I turned my head back a little and said, “Well, now that we’ve gotten the major argument out of the way early, can we all be civil for the rest of the trip?”

A series of muttered “yeses” was my response. Smiling, I continued, “Kwan?”

“Yeah?” he asked from the wayback.

“Since you’re the only one who didn’t get involved in the argument, I’m appointing you our human resources department,” I said.

“Huh?” he asked.

“If another fight breaks out, it’s your job to mediate it,” I declared.

“Okay…” Kwan responded, “And if I fail?”

I shrugged, “we pull over so Emi can pound on you for five minutes.”

“…define ‘pound on'.”

“Perv,” Emi giggled.

Lilly and Hanako joined in the girly laughter, both flushed lightly, while Kenji just rolled his eyes and pulled out his schedule.

“Speaking of pulling over,” he said, “looks like in ten minutes we should be taking our first break.”

“Okay,” Hanako said, “what’s my exit?”

Kenji told her and she replied with a nod and a thanks.

“So I get to drive next?” Emi asked.

“Yup,” Kenji replied, “and Kwan’s navigating.”

“I’ll have to,” Kwan quipped.

“Gee, thanks,” Emi grunted, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend.

The hostility and anger of the argument had dissipated. Lilly pulled out a small book to finger through, every now and then chatting with Kenji about Chaucer, which Kenji liked because he was positive Lollards were a Fifth Column against the Knight’s Templar. Emi and Kwan started playing Mario on their DS’, and Hanako started checking for our exit.

I pulled a book from the bag of maps and things we had placed in the front of the car. Pulling it out reminded me of the question that had started the argument, so I decided to settle that to prevent a possible future issue.

“Oh, and Emi?” I asked.

“Yeah?” she replied.

“To answer your original question,” I said, “the story’s genre was steampunk.”

“Huh?” Emi grunted. When realization kicked in, she added, “oh. Really? Huh...”

Hanako glanced at me and I smiled, “just putting it to rest.”

Hanako nodded and refocused on the road, giving Bobble Chris a tap to keep him moving.

That was one catastrophe out of the way. Shame we still had a few more to go.

+++
Next Chapter

The views and opinions expressed in the previous chapter… eh, you know how it goes.

I figure Hanako writes something similar to Harry Potter, but with less contrivances and adverbs. Genre wise, blame Hisao’s influence.

I figure Emi thought of what she did for an example because it was what she was familiar with. Why she’s reading it in the first place… I dunno, seemed like something she’d read.

Combining shenanigans and characterization is hard. This is probably why I stick to mindless action and intrigue. I woulda been huge in the ‘80’s…

Next time, Emi makes a friend, Kenji reveals part of his past, and do he and Hisao know more about Emi then they’re letting on?
Last edited by Hoitash on Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:30 am, edited 5 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 6/05

Post by griffon8 » Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:18 am

Hoitash wrote:“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. — BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR, per G.G., Chief of Ordnance.” —Mark Twain
Love the quote.

It occurred to me as I was reading this that one of the problems with prequels is that you already know who's going to live through the story. But I don't remember any mention of Emi or Kwan before in your continuity, so I guess we have a couple people at risk of grievous bodily harm. :shock:
Hoitash wrote:Emi blinked, apparently not expecting that response, which was probably what doomed us as all as she asked, “So…like Twilight?”
As is, this line doesn't indicate that Emi likes Twilight. The line could be delivered in a way that shows disdain for the subject. It's obvious from later in the argument, but I think some indication of Emi's enjoyment of Twilight would make it clear that everyone's reactions to it are justified.
Hoitash wrote:“It’s not drivel, you schizophrenic closet case!” Emi barked back, unbuckling her seatbelt so she could adjust her body to glare at Kenji properly.
Seat belt is two words.
Hoitash wrote:Using the rear view mirror, I could just see him placing his bag over his head a she slumped down into his seat. That was one way of dealing with Emi; let her wear herself out and move on.
as he; Emi: let
Hoitash wrote:“Stop it! A m-man c-convinced against his w-will is of the s-same opinion still!”
Hanako quoting Ben Franklin, awesome.
Hoitash wrote:Although I do admit watching you kick Kenji’s ass without your legs would be entertaining.
I wholeheartedly agree. :D
Hoitash wrote:“…define ‘pound on.’”
Closing single quote should be before the period. I don't think that's actually standard for American style, but in this case the British have it better and more logical, so I don't care. :P
Hoitash wrote:That was one catastrophe out of the way. Shame we still had a few more to go.
Well of course. It would be boring if everything ran smoothly.

The only other comment I have to make is that I only just noticed that you make the much-more-common-than-it-should-be error of having two spaces after periods. That should have died with monospaced typewriters. I've heard stories of typing teachers who still teach the 'two spaces after periods' even though they know it's wrong, just because that's the way they learned. :x
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 6/05

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:37 am

griffon8 wrote:Love the quote.
It's from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, appropriately so, it seems :).
It occurred to me as I was reading this that one of the problems with prequels is that you already know who's going to live through the story. But I don't remember any mention of Emi or Kwan before in your continuity, so I guess we have a couple people at risk of grievous bodily harm. :shock:
I do reference Emi once in a while -usually after Hisao surviving a heart flutter- and I do state her last name is Kotobuki in one mystery offhandedly.

On the flipside of prequels, since you know what's gonna happen (sorta) you can have some fun. George is a good example of this; we know he's gonna marry Lilly and raise a family with her, so I can screw with him a bit if I feel like (this will come more apparent later on in the special.)
As is, this line doesn't indicate that Emi likes Twilight. The line could be delivered in a way that shows disdain for the subject. It's obvious from later in the argument, but I think some indication of Emi's enjoyment of Twilight would make it clear that everyone's reactions to it are justified.
I originally had her squee in that line, but changed it to make her more thoughtful. I'll change it back, hope it helps, and thanks for the feedback :)
Edits
D'Oh! Thanks for those.
Hanako quoting Ben Franklin, awesome.
As good a coping mechanism as any. Plan B is quote the Buddha.
The only other comment I have to make is that I only just noticed that you make the much-more-common-than-it-should-be error of having two spaces after periods. That should have died with monospaced typewriters. I've heard stories of typing teachers who still teach the 'two spaces after periods' even though they know it's wrong, just because that's the way they learned. :x
Uh, I was taught to place two periods after a space, one after a comma. Bear in mind I also learned cursive in school, and stamps used to be 32 cents, and blah blah whippersnappers blah. The space thing is a little confusing at work, because AP style uses one space after a period. When the frak did they change it, and why wasn't I given a memo?

Anyway, thanks for reading and the feedback :)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 6/05

Post by griffon8 » Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:21 am

Hoitash wrote:
griffon8 wrote:The only other comment I have to make is that I only just noticed that you make the much-more-common-than-it-should-be error of having two spaces after periods. That should have died with monospaced typewriters. I've heard stories of typing teachers who still teach the 'two spaces after periods' even though they know it's wrong, just because that's the way they learned. :x
Uh, I was taught to place two periods after a space, one after a comma. Bear in mind I also learned cursive in school, and stamps used to be 32 cents, and blah blah whippersnappers blah. The space thing is a little confusing at work, because AP style uses one space after a period. When the frak did they change it, and why wasn't I given a memo?
That's how I learned it as well… on a monospaced typewriter. It was changed when we weren't using monospaced fonts anymore. But, as pointed out in my anecdote, it didn't make teachers change the way they taught it.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 6/05

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:37 am

Huh. Weird.

On the bright side, you got to use a typewriter, and subtly berate the twenty-something for acting like he's 90 :wink:.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Updated 6/05

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:15 pm

Uh, I was taught to place two periods after a space, one after a comma.
If ..you ..did ..that ..your ..posts ..would ..look ..really ..strange. 8)

Seriously, though, the first thing I do when I get a text to proofread is replace all double blanks with single ones. Repeat if any are found.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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