Okay, I made the changes you suggest Brogurt. I hope they work.
Guest Poster wrote:That shouldn't really stop you from trying. Sex scenes can be as diverse as any other scene. They can be funny and awkward (Emi's shed scene), romantic (Lilly's first), dramatic (Hanako's first time) or silly.
That said, they're also the scenes I often get stuck at. They're very tough to write. One reason is that you can't rely on dialogue to advance them. That makes them harder than the average conversation scene. You also have to choose your words more carefully to avoid them sounding overly cheesy or vulgar. But you could see it as a challenge.
Despite the fact that they're tough to write, sex is a part of a relationship and if Hisao and Hanako have been going out for some time, it makes sense they develop a sex life at some point. What you could try (if you haven't already) is to do a fade-out once they get going and leave the rest to the imagination of the reader.
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I've always respected your opinion when it comes to Hanako.
You're right about Hanako having a sex life. Depriving her of one just because I'm uncomfortable with the idea is unfair to her as a character, and its just me mentally trying to 'protect' her.
You're last suggestion is really what I do in this chapter. They both talk about plans for 'later tonight' so readers can fill in their own details. I rather imagine it's a lot like their love life in your story prior to the hotel room. Lots of rubbing and stroking each other to climax rather than actual sex. something my Hanako is still shy about.
I've got so many ideas as to why she might be uneasy about sex. She's just naturally a little prudish about it, or she doesn't think she's ready. Maybe she has scarring that makes sex painful for her. Or even the possibility that she was traumatized by an instructor at the orphanage who tried to molest her.
If I did do one, it would probably be a stand alone. Either she'd walk in on Hisao in the shower, or she'd turn up naked for her morning lotion application. Either way, it would be her making the first move.