Poker Night(Short Story)

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Parliament
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Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Parliament » Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:22 pm

This is the first scene, there will probably be 3-4 total. I'll put future chapters in a new post lower down and link to them from this OP to avoid a massively large post.

This is my first time writing in a while, but please do not feel the need to be gentle. Comments and criticisms are welcome, or if you would like to tell me how awful I am at this and how I should never again touch a keyboard, you are just as welcome as everyone else to voice whatever comes to mind. Whatever your thoughts I'd love to hear them!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it =)

Scene 1: Sad Clown Bad Sonnet 57
“Are you sure you know how to play? I would feel bad if I took all the savings your parents left you before you’ve even been here a month,” Miki puts her hand (and stump) on her hips as she eyes me up and down with an inquisitive look like a merchant appraising some obscure treasure for the first time, eager and enthusiastic. She clearly already knows the answer she’s looking for.

“Sure yeah, it’ll be fine. I played a few times before when I was younger. It’ll be easy, yeah?” After all, poker is all about the cards you’re dealt which makes it a game of luck, right? Playing with Miki should be a piece of cake. The mischievous smile she momentarily flashes my way makes me think for a moment I could be wrong, but that feeling is quickly swept away by a carefree wave of Miki’s good hand.

“Easy, yeah. Of course,” Miki has kept that impish grin plastered to her face this entire time. “It’ll be lots of fun Hisao, I promise!” Since I transferred to Yamaku a month ago I’ve learned that Miki’s smile looks positively radiant anywhere, but standing here in the middle of a grassy campus with a beautiful girl grinning at me so intensely that her head looks as if it’s about to split in two, she looks divine. Even in the bright sunlight of a stunning day like today her smiling face makes Yamaku’s admittedly lush campus look pale and washed out in comparison. At this point I honestly don’t care how much money I lose, I’m wrapped around Miki’s finger and can do nothing but think about our poker game tonight. I’m honestly glad I skipped a cafeteria lunch today for this little walk, even if I can’t shake the feeling that there could be some ulterior motives at play that would inevitably still be hidden from the likes of me.

“So Miki, is anyone else coming? I can’t say I know of any other students on campus who enjoy illegal gambling, and if I did you would probably know them much better,”

“Awww, Hisao! I was hoping you wouldn’t ask,” Miki puts on a pouty face momentarily before her mischievous grin breaks through again, making a sudden and surely unexpected return, “If I invite someone else I can’t jump your bones without that someone else watching us get it on,”

“…” I open my mouth to respond but it’s not until my jaw is already open that I register the words she said. My mouth insists on staying agape as I turn a deep shade of red and shift my gaze down at the ground. If I was talking to anyone but Miki I could have very well keeled over right there from sheer surprise, but she’s been making crass jokes that never fail to catch me off guard since my very first day at Yamaku. Even after a month she can still leave me dumbfounded seemingly at will. “Other… people… watching?” Miki lets out a guffaw and sharply nudges my side with her elbow. My eyes stay deeply fixated on the pavement in front of me.

“Come on you prude, I was joking. Even if I was that kind of girl, and I’m not, you’ve only been hanging with Suzu and me for a month or so. Maybe you should get to know us a little better before you join in on our late night lovemaking sessions,” She throws a smile and a playful wink in my direction. She really likes to lay this whole ‘flirty girl’ thing on thick. I guess I should be used to it at this point though, it actually is kind of endearing in a way.

“I, uh-“ Still completely exasperated, I try to think of something witty or at least moderately charismatic to say but Miki interrupts me before I can get my sentence started.

“Snoozu is the only other person I have lined up to play though, and as we both know, the more players we have the more fun the game will be!” She finishes this statement with a dramatic sweep of her good hand, motioning out towards the great wide world. She flashes what feels like the millionth grin I’ve seen from her my way before adding, “She also will more than likely pass out before the tenth hand, so it’d be especially good to have a fourth to keep things going until she comes to again,” This pause feels more final than the others, perhaps indicating that it is now my turn to speak.

“Well, you got any ideas? I still don’t really know anyone besides you, Suzu, and to some extent Shizune and Misha,” A grin spreads across my face this time as I remember my limited interactions with the student council, “If we told them about our game though we may very well get thrown out of Yamaku. Shizune doesn’t seem like the type to make an exception for the sake of fun,” We share a laugh at the expense of Shizune’s seemingly severe attitude towards leisure, but I still hope I’m wrong about her. Shizune might come off as uptight but I hope she has a fun-loving side to her as well, it’s important to be able to unwind. After all, that’s why we’re having poker night. After a few more seconds of bright smiles, Miki turns and spots a bench sitting in the shade. She motions for us to sit as she continues.

“Well Hisao, to be honest most of the students here are wound a bit tight when it comes to… illicit activities. But that doesn’t mean there’s nobody to pick from,” She pretends to yawn as she stretches her arm around my shoulder. “Have you talked at all to that girl in the library?”

“What, you mean Hanako? She seems a little shy. Don’t you think she’d just get scared off?” Miki rolls her eyes and lightly flicks the far side of my face with the hand she had snaked past my neck and around my shoulder.

“’A little shy’ is just about the biggest understatement I’ve ever heard. I was talking about the librarian. I haven’t been in there often so I haven’t talked to her much. I’m not much of a bookworm, you know. What do you think of her? She’s young enough to be a down girl,” I can’t put my finger on why, but it feels like this idea wasn’t as spontaneous as she made it seem.

“I don’t know, she seems pretty on edge most of the time. Kind of like she’s nervous even when there’s nothing to be nervous about,” Miki throws me yet another grin and looses her arm from my shoulder, standing up from our bench.

“That’s perfect! You’re the same way you know, you need to relax. Luckily for both you and Yuuko, poker night is the perfect cure. You should ask her if she wants to come,” This declaration is punctuated by Miki placing her hand (and stump) on her hips as she puffs out her ample chest in a triumphant pose. She has declared victory and I am but a mere man, helpless before her charms.
“Sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

End Scene 1

Thar we go, the stage is set for their poker game tonight and all that's left is to put some actual plot development in Scene 2. Oh, and also recruit Yuuko.
Last edited by Parliament on Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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Steinherz
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Steinherz » Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:27 pm

Parliament wrote:Hi there =) I've been kicking around a fanfic idea for the past couple weeks with Miki, Suzu, Yuuko, and Hisao. I had a dream about it last night so I finally got started. Coming along really well so far but I'm waiting until it's at least mostly done to post it here.

I am making this thread a bit early because I'm curious if i'm supposed to ask devs for permission before starting a fanfic, I know you are supposed to if you're making voiceovers or projects like that but I'm not yet sure of protocol.
Anyway, I'll have this story done in the next couple days hopefully so I can edit the story in then. Please let me know one way or another if I should be contacting a dev for permission or if I should ask the thread be deleted/moved to make a new one when I'm finished =)
There's no need to ask the dev's permission for posting a fanfic.
I write take a look, would you kindly?
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Parliament
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Parliament » Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:30 pm

Thanks! I'll have some writing for you all in the next couple days =)
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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LorSquirrel
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by LorSquirrel » Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:33 pm

Well it's nice to know that I'm not the only newbie who's starting a fic at the moment. I look forward to this fic.

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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Dr. Robotnik » Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:29 am

Great fic, OP, 10/10 5 stars.
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Silentcook » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:09 am

Parliament wrote:I am making this thread a bit early because I'm curious if i'm supposed to ask devs for permission before starting a fanfic, I know you are supposed to if you're making voiceovers or projects like that but I'm not yet sure of protocol.
Anyway, I'll have this story done in the next couple days hopefully so I can edit the story in then. Please let me know one way or another if I should be contacting a dev for permission or if I should ask the thread be deleted/moved to make a new one when I'm finished =)
Just edit your writing into your opening post. I'm not keen on cleaning up after people more than I have to.
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Parliament
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Parliament » Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:08 pm

Dr. Robotnik wrote:Great fic, OP, 10/10 5 stars.
:oops:

Scene 1 is now up! Please feel free to tear it apart.

8)
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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nemz
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by nemz » Wed Mar 06, 2013 2:16 am

Surely Kenji needs to be in on this. And Muto. :lol:
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Parliament
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Parliament » Wed Mar 06, 2013 1:33 pm

Kenji will of course make an appearance =) I am trying to decide how big I want it to be though, and if I want it to be through his POV or someone else's.
I want to work in Mutou but I kinda doubt I'll be able to find room for anything beyond a cameo. I want to keep this project relatively small because this is mainly about shaking off the writing rust and getting back in the swing of things.

Might be a few days til chapter 2, haven't been able to find as much time as I'd like to get good writing done recently.
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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Oddball
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Oddball » Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:37 pm

Well,it seems fairly entertaining so far, although Hisao seems a bit more dense than usual, and that's saying quite a bit.
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The Hero Hartmut
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by The Hero Hartmut » Sun Mar 10, 2013 9:25 pm

Well, they're clearly wrong about Shizune, given that she has a competitive streak a mile long.

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Mader Levap
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Mader Levap » Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:54 pm

The Hero Hartmut wrote:Well, they're clearly wrong about Shizune, given that she has a competitive streak a mile long.
Maybe, but I doubt she would tolerate illegal activities.
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by emmjay » Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:06 am

Parliament wrote:After all, poker is all about the cards you’re dealt which makes it a game of luck, right?.
[misha]Wahaha~![/misha] Somebody's about to get fleeced...
Anyway, I like this idea, and I'll be interested to see who all gets roped into this.
Oddball wrote:Hisao seems a bit more dense than usual, and that's saying quite a bit.
Gotta agree, if only because Kenji didn't immediately come to mind. This is right up his alley. (Speaking of alleys, Kenji does mention gambling on bowling matches, come to think of it.)
I do have to mention that I don't quite picture Miki as quite that flirty. But it's your story, your interpretation of the character. And it's entertaining, which is the important thing.
Am I the only one who thinks it'd be hilarious if Yuuko turns out to be a total card shark and beats the metaphorical pants off of everybody? Or the literal pants, if things go really badly.
Yuuko > Akira > Miki > Meiko > Sae.

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Parliament
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Re: Poker Night(Short Story)

Post by Parliament » Tue May 14, 2013 4:33 pm

Thanks for the feedback emmjay and Oddball, it is very much appreciated =)
Extra-dumb Hisao is something I wanted to accentuate for comedic effect, and flirty Miki is really one of the faces of manipulative Miki. If either of these facets seem over the top it's on purpose(at least to some extent). Hopefully they don't come off as so exaggerated that they take the reader out of the story.

I'm sorry to bump this without an update, and I know it's been a while. I've been focusing on getting a job and obviously that takes priority. I do have a couple other scenes partially written though, and will continue this (hopefully) soon.
I wish I had some kind of succinct piece of wisdom to put here. Oh well, bathrobes are comfy =)

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