Post
by Silentcook » Fri Apr 16, 2010 12:23 am
4-Yellow Roman Candle
---
The light flooding in past my too-thin curtains is just too bright to ignore.
I lay on my back in bed, blinking and peering at the nondescript ceiling, whose monotony is being broken by the reflections of the sun's rays.
What time is it, anyway...
Turning my head to the side, I catch sight of the alarm clock. I register the numbers dimly glowing on its face as saying it's close to midday, but it's the day shown on it that yanks me out of my doze with a vengeance.
Sunday.
Everything I did yesterday comes rushing back in.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Someone, anyone, tell me I did not do that.
Groaning, I grab my pillow and press it over my face. I want to turtle up, go back to sleep, and pretend nothing ever happened. I did that quite a bit when I was a kid.
Not that it ever did any real good.
I still can't believe I went and asked Chiyo that way. Hounded her, even. What the Hell was I thinking?
...I was thinking that she was being silly, and I was angry, that's what.
I remember replaying our conversation at lunch in my mind, how she got herself out of the way, her assuming that she was not as good as Lilly for some reason.
Me getting pissed off.
I recall waiting for her outside her dorm, growing more determined by the minute. Turning my irritation into scorn for anything that was not my purpose.
Making plans for what I thought she could say, running through things over and over.
And finally badgering her into going to the festival together today.
The pillow gets swiftly thrown away into the wall, hitting with an unsatisfactory "foomp".
So dammit, yes, I did that. And I had better get into the right mindset, real quick.
Because I DID think things out, and now I have to follow through. For myself, and for Chiyo.
Bathroom first. Then I'll sort myself out.
***
Brushing one's teeth isn't a particularly thought-intensive activity, which suits me fine; while my body goes through the motions of scrubbing my toothbrush around my mouth, my mind unfuzzes from the night's sleep.
I'll have to apologize to Chiyo, first thing when I see her. But how do I do that without looking like I'm going back on my intentions?
I'm sorry for having been that insistent, but I do want to enjoy the festival with her. Hmmm.
On the one hand, she is sharp. Really sharp. I'm sure she'll see right through anything halfhearted.
On the other... I still can't figure out how she could have such a blind spot for herself.
I rinse and spit in the sink, as though trying to get the bad taste of the idea from my mouth.
So she might not be as classy as Lilly. So what.
She's a good girl, an amazing one, even, on her own. Even if she wasn't as smart as she is, mean people don't retreat in good order because they think they might be inconveniencing their friends.
I frown at the mirror. I'm finding a good point even in the thing that made me mad before. As if things weren't confusing enough already.
Within my first week at Yamaku, I have managed to get friendly with more girls than in the last three years or so, to the point that I'm needing to be careful how I manage my friendships.
Have a heart attack, become popular with the ladies. You'll never want for companionship again!
...Okay, that was just idiotic, no matter how I slice it. But it's true that it sort of had that effect on me.
Scratching my head, I collect my toiletries and walk back to the bathroom door.
***
Back in my room, I finish knotting up my school tie. I have quite a bit of time to kill until this evening, but first order of business is getting something to eat, and I had better get a move on for that. Having skipped dinner except for a few snacks and slept through breakfast has left me ravenous.
I check my wallet, finding I have enough finances to carry me through the day. Barely, I think. I have to figure in eating out now and again later with Chiyo, plus a reasonable buffer to spend on... whatever one spends money on at festivals.
Games? Sweets? Souvenirs, maybe? I'm completely unprepared on the subject, and glad that I have a chance to recon before the real thing comes rolling in tonight.
One last check in front of the mirror, then I'm out of my room, locking the door carefully.
'Psst! Hisao, dude! You have to help me!'
...And foully ambushed from the rear, my plans brought screeching to a halt. Damn you, Kenji. I turn around slowly, with a calm that I do not feel at all.
'Hi, Kenji. What is it this time?'
He sounds more manic than his usual, which isn't easy. Peering out of his door that he has opened a crack, he makes me think of a scared hermit crab. Considering how much time he seems to spend in his room, the idea fits him all too well.
'They want to starve me out! You gotta help your buddy, buddy. Or you'll have me on your conscience. Burden on your soul, that sort of stuff. You do have at least one of those, don't you?'
'...What are you talking about. Who are "they"—'
Bad move. I bite my tongue, but it's too late.
'The damn local branch of the conspiracy, that's who! They craftily carted in all these strangers and made this racket in order to muddy the waters, confound the tracks and erase any evidence of my disappearance! Shit, how sickening.'
'You're here in front of me.'
'Don't be a smartass, nobody likes a smartass. Obviously I'm in front of you, you're the only one I can trust now, pal. I need you to furnish me with provisions.'
'Kenji, you're taking the school festival for... something else. I think. Nobody is after you. There's going to be food available everywhere outside, you just have to go out and buy some.'
'And where does all that food come from?'
'I don't have the faintest idea. The ingredients are brought in from outside the school, I suppose?'
'There you have it.'
'What.'
'Think, man, think! That stuff could come from anywhere, be doctored with anything! It's not safe!'
Rubbing my eyes, I sigh and give it up as a bad job. 'Okay, fine. So what would you want me to do?'
'You gotta grab me some food from somewhere I can trust. None of the crap from the school, you'll have to get me packaged stuff from a supermarket in town or something.'
'You're... not kidding.'
'Well duh, of course I'm not. Hang on, I'll give you a list.'
The door closes with the snap of numerous locks, and I'm left to stare at it. Don't I get a choice in this? Apparently not, since Kenji conveniently assumed I agreed with his daft plan. Which I did, sort of, I guess.
A few minutes later, when I'm thinking of either knocking or sneaking away quietly, I'm not honestly sure which, a slip of paper is slid out from under the door. Written in Kenji's large, loopy, semilegible handwriting, it's sure enough a list of food items. More than enough to feed one person for one week, I'd estimate.
The Hell with this. I bang on the door, hard.
After a moment, a couple of bills are grudgingly slid under it.
That's more like it. I console myself by thinking that I was looking for a way to pass some time anyway. While running Kenji's errand for him is surely a bother, it won't take too much of my precious free time, I hope.
I make haste to get away before anything else gets between me and my lunch.
***
Well, this is it. I took my sweet time doing Kenji's chore, having something to eat first. Maybe it was just my hunger, but that homemade stuff from the second-year deaf class' stand was incredibly tasty. Then again, after the cafeteria food day in and day out, probably any honest meal would have qualified.
One leisurely round trip later, I delivered his groceries. Or at least I hope so, in the end I knocked and left them in front of his door after one look at the professional-looking, black-on-yellow "DANGER - CLEANING CHEMICALS SUPPLY" sign it sported.
If he wants his change, he'll just have to come find me later. For the moment, I'll supplement my meager finances with it. As Shizune would say, "everybody wins".
I'm feeling pretty smug about having eaten lunch at the place where Chiyo and I are supposed to meet, so as to be able to return to it quickly later. I'd surely have had some trouble finding the right spot now that the evening has subtly changed how the school grounds look, on top of all the stalls and attractions filling up the ordinarily empty space. Planning does pay off.
I hope planning will pay off during our outing, too. I hate to think that all the restraint I showed today by not playing any of the games I checked out during my recon might have been wasted. It's really incredible how many different ways to have fun can be fitted into ordinary booths with a little ingenuity.
Or maybe it's just because this sort of thing is new to me, jaded city boy that I am. Was. The thought makes me chuckle a little.
Once again I check my watch. Nearly eight o' clock. I wonder why she insisted on us meeting so late?
The festival shows no signs of slowing down yet, even though night-time is creeping in. The only thing that did was to cause an amazing number of luminaries to appear. From paper lanterns to neon garlands to candles, searchlights, and anything inbetween. The maelstrom of colors, noise and activity is a little overwhelming.
After those months surrounded by white walls and silence, being in the middle of a mass of people makes my head pound unpleasantly. To think that I used to walk through something like this when commuting for school, twice daily, without batting an eye.
But even through the discomfort, I feel better surrounded by moving, chattering bodies than alone in my room. The impression of warmth is worth more to me than the minor annoyance I have to bear. And after a little while, my head doesn't bother me at all anymore.
I have to admit the nurse had it right. Isolation is a bad beast to face.
Even wrapped in my armor of keeping busy, I have been longing for human contact. Hungering for it when I'm not actually in company of my classmates, looking for something to poke my nose into. Trying to belong.
...Not trying to belong to just ANYthing, thank you; I like to think I have retained some standards. But still.
Lost in contemplation, I don't even notice the slightly dragging sound of steps coming up behind me.
'Good evening, Hisao.'
'Ah, Chiyo, good-'
...
She looks normal. No, I mean she's looking better than that. No, I don't mean that either. ...I think I'm being suddenly subjected to makeup shock treatment. I assume Chiyo doesn't bother with it for school, since it must be a hassle for her, considering her complexion.
I have no idea whatsoever of what she put on to do this, but her eyes have been highlighted so that they're fairly glowing out of her face, which itself sports a delicate-looking blush.
Chiyo cocks her head to the side, looking a little puzzled.
I thought I knew how her hair was. Uncommonly long, flowing, wavy, and green.
That's a bit like saying that Mount Fuji is a tallish pile of rock with some snow on top though, compared to what I'm seeing.
Before her hair just, well, hung there as I expected long hair to do. Now, it almost dwarfs Chiyo's figure, having gained volume from some hidden dimension I can't discern. Words like "viridian waterfall" or "emerald canopy" come unbidden to my mind to get discarded, and I'm sorry that I don't know how to better describe whatever she did.
'Hisao?'
It's not like she dressed up. She said she wouldn't, and it's true, she didn't. She's in her uniform.
But the pleats of her skirt are so razor-sharp that it looks like I could cut my finger on them, and the white of the blouse is almost luminous in the half-light.
She has taken the time to pick out a tiny shoulderbag. A little affair that seems to be made out of candycane, and declares in no uncertain terms that yes sir, her owner is very much officially Going Out tonight, not shuffling to any old lesson.
She brings her hand to her cheek, closing her eyes and sighing a little wearily.
'Oh dear. It's flattering, I suppose, but you should really close your mouth at least.'
Her words jolt me back into gear, and I manage to stop gaping without audibly snapping my jaws. Small praise for my so-called careful plans, but it'll have to make do.
'Um. Good evening. You look... really nice.'
Understatement of the year. She was pretty if unusual before. Tonight, she is nothing short of spectacular, in a doll-like way.
And she was worried about not being able to pull off classy. Holy crap.
'Thank you. Where are we going?'
Straight to business, as usual. But I have a good answer this time.
'Well, I thought I'd treat you to dinner, then take it from there. Are you hungry?'
A small nod. 'Yes. Alright then, let's check out your choice.'
I almost take her by the arm, remember that she doesn't like to be touched, freeze in mid-act then try to cover it by walking nonchalantly only to realize that she still can't move easily and freeze again half a step ahead of her, feeling as spastic as I must surely have looked.
Chiyo thankfully decides not to make an issue of this sorry spectacle, and only blinks once before getting into slow stride.
***
'...Is there something wrong, Hisao?'
'Eh? No.'
Yes.
'It's nothing. Don't worry about it.'
I'm quite definitely missing something.
'You're not very convincing.'
'Why do you have to be so damn good at seeing through people... alright, there's SOMETHING at the back of my mind, but I can't place my finger on what, and it's nagging at me. Sorry if I looked distracted or whatever, I couldn't help it.'
'Hm. Okay.'
Chiyo returns to methodically eating her dinner, and I return to gazing at her, chin propped on my palm. She doesn't seem to mind, like she didn't seem to mind people's stares before. I imagine she must be very used to be stared at, what with her unusual hair color - and that just for starters.
The way she consumes her food is kinda cute. She reminds me of a cat, sniffing cautiously at everything and sampling carefully before digging in. She's definitely not lacking in appetite, as the empty plates in front of her attest, but this odd little quirk slows her down enough that I finished all of mine with time to spare, and now I'm left with nothing to do but wait.
I need to say something. The atmosphere feels strained, completely unlike how I wanted things to be, and certainly not like an enjoyable night out should feel. We have barely spoken so far.
I didn't manage to say what I wanted first thing when we met, halfstunned as I was, and have wasted all this time trying to rebuild my confidence, without really succeeding in regaining it.
But if I keep stalling, the whole evening's going to waste away.
'Umm, Chiyo?'
'Yes?'
'I pushed you pretty hard about coming to the festival. ...Probably harder than what was polite. Sorry about that.'
She looks right into my eyes with a slightly puzzled expression before going 'Hmmm~' around her chopsticks and raising her gaze skyward.
'That's right, you did.'
Ouch.
'And I think I have every right to be a little angry at you.'
Crap.
'...but for some reason, I can't seem to manage that. At all.'
Huh?
'So let's say nothing more about it, and you worry about pissing me off by being a crappy date instead. Deal?'
She points her chopsticks straight at me and behind them there's a pouty, flat-eyed expression, like a little girl that's reproaching her parents for not keeping their promise. I can't hold in a chuckle, and raise my hands placatingly.
'Deal, partner.'
'Oh, so you remember how to smile. I thought your face had frozen that way, or something.'
'Yeah, sorry about that too. I... guess I was overthinking things a bit.'
'Well then, don't. It's a festival, let's just have some fun. Serious stuff can wait until tomorrow. This is really tasty, by the way, even though it's a little bit too hot.'
She echoes my smile with a small one of her own, and soon we are chatting about little things, the atmosphere between us thawing quickly.
***
I'm enjoying myself. Somehow, it has all fallen together and started working like a charm. After dinner, we began our tour of the grounds, following the itinerary I had made up in my mind earlier.
I had thought to avoid nearly all the more physically-oriented attractions, regretting every missed opportunity but not wanting to make Chiyo feel left out, since she can't move very well with her crutch. It took all of ten minutes for that idea to get happily derailed.
She would have none of it, pointing out stuff that seemed fun and egging me on to try it out. "It's just as fun to watch", to quote her own words. So to compromise, I started trying out some of the milder games, and in no time at all I had my personal fan cheering and giggling at me from the sidelines.
Doesn't hurt that it's such a cute fan, either. I feel a little better about my earlier brain disconnection, now that I get to see the effect she can have on bystanders.
Obviously we gave the dance floor a pass, but only after pausing there for awhile. The wistful expression that Chiyo was wearing makes me think she really likes dancing; it would make her injury that much more bothersome.
I really want to take her mind off her worries, so I'll drag her to the goldfish scooping booth. I assume she'll be enthusiastic to finally do something, and incidentally destroy me completely, since I don't know the first thing about how to play. But what can one do; the duties of a gentleman are clear...
Like a bolt from the blue, it hits me.
Aw, crap. MY PILLS. THAT'S what was bothering me.
This morning I woke late, hurried out, and completely forgot to take my medication. Smooth.
So much for me being careful - I even had a chance to recover from my mistake when I went back to my room to drop off Kenji's food, but I was focusing too much on tonight and couldn't see the forest for the trees.
My mood switches immediately from relaxation to high alert - I try to remember the contingency plans that I'm supposed to use in such a case, and run through them a little nervously.
This stuff is no joke, but it's not yet life-threatening either. I just need to keep calm, go take my pills, and pay more attention.
If I do it right, it won't even disrupt our evening. Yeah, nothing to it. I take a moment to compose myself then casually turn towards Chiyo, as though a minor detail just came to my attention.
'Ah dang, now I remember what was bugging me. I need to pick up something at my room. I'm sorry, it'll only take me a minute and I'll be right back. You don't mind, right?'
'Don't be silly. Of course I mind.'
'Thank you, I'll make this qui-uhh, what?'
'I said, yes I do mind. What do you think you're doing, leaving your date alone? I'll let it slide this time since you must have thought it would be a better alternative than making me walk on this leg, but that's not happening. Let's go.'
'Uh...'
She sighs, looking exasperated, and takes the kind of tone normally used with young children and slow people.
'I'm fine. Let's go to your room. You need to go there, don't you? You said it'd take just a minute, so it'll take just a little longer with us going together instead. Then we can rejoin the festival.'
'But last time...'
'Oh, don't be a baby. The festival's still ongoing, there'll be people coming and going everywhere. We won't stand out, so it's unlikely that we will even be noticed this time.'
'That's true, I guess. But still...'
Chiyo's eyes flash dangerously. I thought I had gotten used to them, but it's still a somewhat unsettling spectacle.
'Hisao, if you keep this up you're going to make me think that you are trying to ditch me. Am I making myself clear?'
'Yes'm.'
Game, set and match. I'm not getting out of this one.
***
'Man, they really stuck you in the worst possible spot. Alone in an empty hallway I could understand, but putting you in front of the closet too? You should complain to whoever deals with room assignment.'
'That's n—tell you what, you're right, I'll remember to do that later.'
Easier not to mention Kenji at all. I truly think I don't want Chiyo to meet him, ever. If that happened, there might be some kind of critical mass reaction.
I fumble my key into the door lock, wishing things had gone differently. It's not that this bump in our night out is anything too big, and I'm not afraid of being caught in company of Chiyo - she was right, with all the comings and goings nobody is paying any attention to us. She's also being a good sport about this, no longer showing any irritation.
No, the thing that is worrying me is her being so close to my room, and by extension, to the pill bottles I keep on the night table.
I remember when our situation was reversed, and I accompanied her to her room. Well since she didn't look kindly on the invasion of her privacy then, she will be discreet now that it's my turn. I hope.
The lock opens with a click, and I hesitate before opening the door. I turn towards Chiyo, mutely appealing to her. She is wearing a neutral expression while leaning on her crutch and looking around.
'I'll be right back.'
'Sure.'
I quickly nip into my room, opening the door just the amount needed for me to pass through and shutting it behind me.
Phew. My heart is beating slightly faster, but out of nervousness more than anything else. I flick the light switch and go for the traitorous pills.
The stupid things are lined up on my night table, just as always. I steady myself. Careful, Hisao. Don't fuck this up.
With painstaking care, I measure out the correct amount of tablets, capsules and other stuff.
I know the amounts by heart, but just in case and considering my track record today, I still doublecheck, and triplecheck while reading the prescription copy. It all matches up. Okay.
I start by dry-swallowing the easier ones, then grab the water bottle to help the drier ones go down one by one. Throwing my head back, I gulp mouthfuls of liquid time and again.
The last one is a particularly large and bothersome specimen. Despite the water, it feels like a burr stuck halfway down my throat. Eyes slightly watering, I empty the dregs of the bottle into my mouth to force it down.
And I choke.
I start to hack and cough, keeping a hand in front of my mouth. I want the water out of my lungs, but I don't want to spit it out? Stupid. Make up your mind.
I can't see. I can't breathe. My eyes are burning.
'Hisao?'
An especially loud spasm makes me bend over, and I support myself by gripping the edge of the table. A little better.
My chest feels constricted - dammit, can't something else be wrong with me just once? I can get air in fine, but heavy stuff sloshes along with it.
'Hisao, is everything OK?'
Chiyo?
I need more breath to speak, to tell her that everything's all right. Give me just a minute, it's nothing, really.
No way to get enough breath. I can only hold on for dear life.
'Hisao, answer me right now!'
No, don't come in. Nothing's wrong. Don't come in.
*BANG!*
Shit.
It seems to me that the echo of the door slamming open hasn't even died yet, but I feel a small hand gripping me by the shoulder already.
'Hisao, what's wrong? Do you need the nurse?'
I shake my head and wave my free hand, still sounding more like an emptying sink than a person. After a beat, I get helped - shoved, really - into my chair.
When I wipe my eyes and my vision finally clears, I'm treated to a closeup of Chiyo's face. She's staring at me very intensely, and more than a little worriedly.
I become extremely conscious of her hand, still resting on my shoulder, of the sound of her breath, and of her closeness. For one moment, I feel the same thing that passed between us when I first looked into her eyes.
Then I think that we're in my room, and it all cracks and tumbles down. As if on cue, she pulls back.
'Don't scare me like that.'
I mumble a "sorry", but I can't even look at her directly. I'm all too aware of what my room looks like, of all my medicines in plain view, and of how everything is exactly wrong. Chiyo shuffles a couple more steps back, looking awkward herself.
'...I'll, hm, let myself out before someone notices. Take your time.'
I nod, keeping my gaze firmly fixed on the patch of floor where her feet and the tip of her crutch are resting.
And I see those feet turn around and shuffle away. The door makes a slight scraping sound as it gets almost closed, but not quite.
'Aah...'
The turmoil I am feeling inside has nothing to do with my condition.
I wish so much that this hadn't happened, yet at the same time I'm unbearably glad.
Touching the spot on my shoulder where Chiyo's hand rested only a few moments ago, I heave a deep sigh.
Touching. I missed that terribly, during my stay in the hospital. I never had too much of it in the first place, even when nobody knew there was anything wrong with me.
I went through my life by being a face and a pair of hands to others. You don't need more than that to deal with people for most of the time. The face to be recognized by, talk and show emotion with; the hands to pass things, hold things, write stuff. Maybe an occasional handshake.
Strangers don't even want you to use more than that. If you do, you're overfamiliar, creepy, or threatening.
But I am more than a face and a pair of hands! I have lungs which bellow and burn after I run. I have a back that bends and lifts and does amazing things. I have a heart that still beats despite everything. I have legs, and they do more than carry me along, they kick, they jump, they skip - why do you want to pretend that I do not, that we all do not!
If only I could have said something like this to Chiyo before. I don't know if I would even have made sense, but I'm sure it's pointless now.
She has seen the inside of my room: nobody's room. A slate as blank and flat as the person who lives inside.
And she has seen my pills. She's anything but stupid, and she's been at Yamaku for a while. Surely she'll know what they're for. Everything that's wrong with me, on display in a single neat package.
Hell, she doesn't like being touched in the first place. If I ever had a chance of really becoming friends... let's be honest, a little more than friends with her, it's gone out of the window.
I just sit there, feeling sorry for myself. It takes a while for me to stand up again.
Ah well, it's pointless to dwell on this too. Up and at 'em, Hisao. Make good use of the time you have left, and don't let the lady down. Not any more than you have already... that is.
I tidy up an overturned capsule bottle before going out of the door.
***
We silently exit the Senior dorms, side by side. Between my detour and the unforeseen complications that resulted, quite a bit of time has passed. Enough to wreck any possibility of resuming my stupid tour plan, in any case.
I take a long breath of the cooling night air, attempting to think what to do now. I don't rate my chances at improvisation highly, considering how it all turned out in the end, but I'll have to try.
I take a peek at Chiyo, who is patiently standing by my side, seemingly content to do so. She has not said anything after I emerged from my room, quietly following me out of the hallway and downstairs.
'So that's how it is.'
Huh? I might have expected such a comment to come from Chiyo, but the voice that made it is not hers. Confusedly, I look around for its source.
I find it in a dark-haired girl wearing Yamaku uniform that's glaring at us. She looks vaguely familiar, but I'm sure she's not from my floor. Where did I see her before?
'Yes, that's how it is.'
I get my second surprise in a handful of seconds when Chiyo answers, grabbing my arm possessively with hers. My confusion doubled, I look at her in amazement, only to find her scowling back at the unknown girl just as fiercely.
What the... oh damn, NOW I remember. Whatsername, that psycho hall monitor from Chiyo's dorm. Swell.
I just needed a confrontation between these two to top off the night. I don't get what this is about, but I doubt they need much of an excuse to tear into each other. They didn't seem to be on friendly terms, to put it mildly.
I'm thinking of saying something to try and defuse the tension that I feel crackling between the two of them, but when I open my mouth I get a gentle squeeze on my arm. Chiyo has not budged an inch, but the intent is clear. My momentum broken, I end up making an inarticulate coughing noise before shutting up for good.
The tension lasts for a long instant more, then is broken when the other girl's expression shutters. The enmity she was showing is wiped away completely, to be replaced by a careful blankness. It's the kind of gaze you reserve for boring furniture and average food.
'Come, Grandma. It's not very far now.'
Addressing the very old, very frail-looking woman in a yukata that has been by her side all this time, and that I only now got around to noticing, Shimada helps her along slowly across our field of sight, using her good hand.
She never spares another glance at us, until the swish of her raven hair melds into the night, and then she's gone.
All I can think of is, Hell of a time to finally remember her name.
Again tonight I'm hit by a mix of relief and disappointment when Chiyo releases my arm, muttering something vicious.
'Jeez. So what WAS her problem, this time?'
'She jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry, Hisao.'
'O-kay. Tell you what, since you're sorry do me a favor. Pretend I'm asking all the obvious questions and explain.'
'Alright... she assumed, because she's seen us in my dorms and again now in front of yours, that we're together.'
I nod, then the full impact of the implication strikes, and I can feel my eyes bulge out a little at THIS one.
'Uh, you mean...'
'I don't know exactly what I mean, because I don't know exactly what she thinks. And I don't really care to.'
'R-right. And...'
'And she gets under my skin more than I'd usually care to admit, so I decided to get back at her out of spite.'
'Okay...'
'So I deliberately wound her up, knowing full well that it'd enrage her, but I used you in the process. That's why I'm sorry.'
'Because you made like, uh...'
'Yes. Because I let her believe you're, uhm... my boyfriend.'
I'm unaccountably happy to hear the hesitation in Chiyo's usually unflappable tone, and to see her a little crestfallen.
I'm more than a little nervous myself, mind. I'm just happy I'm not the only one. Chiyo takes a deep breath before continuing.
'In short, now she thinks we're a couple. She'll feed the school rumors even more, which is what I didn't want to happen, exclusively because of my anger. And I've involved you in this without so much as asking permission. I'm inexcusable.'
And with that, she falls silent, looking very small and dejected.
'Hmmm...'
I scratch the tip of my nose, but my embarrassment doesn't feel as bad as it should, maybe because I have someone to share it with.
'...It doesn't really bother me that much, you know.'
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Chiyo perking her head up a bit while I forge ahead.
'Sure, it's a little annoying to have something that's not true stick to you, but it's not like it's a BAD something in this case. I mean, you're a smart, pretty, nice girl. Heck, there's guys in my class who'd *kill* to have this kind of rumor spread.'
Oh God, this is too much. I can't look at her, again.
'Um, what I'm getting at is that there's no need... you don't have to beat yourself up over this. I don't mind if you won't. Mind. That is.'
'Thank you.'
That was so soft I could barely hear it. But at least Chiyo doesn't sound like she's bound for the gallows anymore, even though her eyes are still pointing downwards.
'So... the closing fireworks are about to start, I guess. Want to go watch them?'
She raises her head to look at me full in the eye, and there's a hint of a smile curling the corners of her lips.
'I think I'd like that.'
***
The best spots for watching the festival's grand finale have been taken up ages ago by the overenthusiastic, of course. So we end up having to make do with a bench at the border of the gardens, where some landscaping has been going on.
It's not bad, but it's a little chilly, because of all the foliage and damp earth. Well, probably that's the reason why it remained free until now.
We've been sitting in companionable silence, waiting for the start, until Chiyo stretches a little and stifles a yawn.
'Tired?'
'A little... I didn't get very much sleep last night.'
'We don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know. If you feel too sleepy, I'll be happy to escort you back.'
'Oh no, I'm fine. Besides, I don't want to miss this. Hmm...'
She's looking at me with a very intent look on her face. Like she's sizing me up.
'What? Do I have something on my face?'
She shakes her head negatively, but doesn't speak. I start fidgeting a little under her scrutiny. A few moments later, she seems to come to a decision.
'Hold still.'
I get to blink once before she scoots a little closer and leans against me, shorting out a few important thought processes of mine in the bargain.
'H-hey.'
'Mmm. You're warm.'
And that is that. Her happy purr against my shoulder finishes me off.
What the heck happened to the girl that didn't want to be touched? Well, technically she's the one who has been doing all of that tonight, but... this still seems a little much.
Oh, whatever. I'll worry about that later. Right now, I have Chiyo snuggled against me. She's warm too, and light, and her hair smells nice in that unidentifiable way girls have.
To complain about having a slice of heaven, I'd have to be a complete, first-class idiot. So I shut up, and hold still.
A few blissful minutes pass before the first of the fireworks whistles up into the night. The bang and burst of red lights startle me enough that I twitch, and immediately I worry about disturbing Chiyo.
She hasn't moved at all though. Has she dozed off?
More rockets ripple into the sky, making a staccato of booms. Chrysanthemums of bright sparks blossom and fade in quick succession.
The sound is fairly loud this close to the field. I should really make sure that Chiyo is awake. She said she didn't want to miss this, and I can't blame her.
I hesitate, divided between two conflicting duties, but fortunately I'm saved from having to make a decision when I feel movement at my side.
'I'm not sleeping.'
'Well, you could have fooled me.'
'Look who's talking. I was thinking I was sitting next to a statue.'
'You did tell me to hold still.'
'So I did, and thank you for doing such a good job.'
'My pleasure.'
'This is beautiful.'
'Yeah.'
Crackles and pops multiply as the slow-motion dance of the fireworks unfolds. Content to watch and wait, we observe waterfalls, Roman candles, and all kinds of flowers in all the colors of the spectrum flare, dim, and dissipate. Too soon, the spectacle ends, and with it the Yamaku festival.
'Hisao?'
'Hmm?'
'I have something to ask you.'
'The answer is yes. I'll start being your personal valet on Monday.'
'Ha ha, funny guy. No, this is serious.'
'Aw come on, can't it wait until tomorrow? You said it, today's the festival, let's just have some fun.'
'Yes, and the festival is over. It's tomorrow. So please?'
I heave a deep sigh. 'I was hoping you wouldn't think of that. Fine, go ahead.'
Chiyo pauses for a second before speaking again, collecting her thoughts.
'I have seen something I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it, and now it's gnawing at me.'
I groan. I know where this is going.
'You don't have to answer, and if you don't I promise you I'll never bring this up again, but I have to ask. Hisao...'
'Yes.'
I said that more forcefully than I had to. We are both quiet for a little while.
'Sorry. But yes, those pills are for my heart. I suffer from arrhythmia. That's what you were going to ask, isn't it?'
'Yes.'
'See, I told you that the answer was yes.'
'Silly. ...I'm sorry, I couldn't really not notice them when I burst into your room, thinking you were dying on me or something.'
'That's okay, I was sort of expecting this. It's something I will have to get used to anyway, and it's not your fault.'
'Thanks. But I don't think it's really okay, and lately I have done a lot of apologizing to you without doing anything to make amends.'
'Alright. You can start being my personal maid on Monday instead.'
'You're impossible. Do I have to slug you and feel guiltier for it before you start listening to me?'
'Heh. I'm all ears, partner.'
'Better. So Hisao, ask me what's wrong with me.'
'...eh?'
'You heard right. You get this one chance to ask me about the... problems that make me study at Yamaku Academy.'
'Hey, hold on, how is this supposed to make things better?'
'Doesn't it make them fair? Two secrets, whispered into a well at midnight. We can be each other's well.'
'I'm not too sure I like how that sounds. And why don't you just, you know, TELL me?'
'Would you have told me now if I hadn't found out by chance, Hisao?'
That stops my protests cold in their tracks.
'I assure you it's not any easier for me than it is for you, Hisao, even though I have been at Yamaku longer.'
'...Maybe. But I'm not as clever as you, Chiyo. How am I supposed to figure it out, just like that?'
'I won't comment on that, but I'm quite sure you can, and I have at least two reasons why you will.'
'And what are these two reasons?'
'The first is that the answer is right under your nose.'
'If you say so. And the second?'
Chiyo rubs herself against my side a little, settling in more comfortably and "accidentally" ringing all sorts of warning bells inside me. Her next words are in a playful lilt.
'The second is that I'm the girl leaning against you, and I'm feeling too comfortable to move until you try.'
'GAH!'
The cat-like grin she directs at me under the moonlight is charming, but not very reassuring.
I grumble a little, but inwards I'm sending my mental gears spinning at highest speed.
The reason Chiyo is using for not telling me outright makes some sense, yet I also think there's something more to this.
It's a test. Some sort of test that has 'OK, show me that I'm not wasting my time with you. Prove it!' written all over it.
Seems more like the sort of thing I'd expect from Shizune, but on second thought, Chiyo appears to be easily as smart as her, even though she's practically the reverse when we're talking competition. She is ready to throw a match, but not to play it.
So this is not a competition. She doesn't care about "winning" or "losing". If anything, she'd be hoping she will "lose", because she thinks so little of herself.
...which in turn means that all she said is absolutely true, and I have the pieces needed to solve the puzzle. And by damn, would I honestly want to hang around some dumbass that isn't even able to put two and two together myself?
Okay, so she's not trying to make this hard on me. Her second "hint" is plainly worthless... even though I'm finding it very motivating, I must confess. That leaves the first one.
"The answer is right under my nose." Hmm. Under my nose...
I catch a whiff of fragrance, and inwardly curse myself for not getting it instantly.
'Chiyo, I'm going to talk a litttle to myself. Is that all right with you?'
'Is that going to be part of your answer?'
'Yes, I'd say it is. You can stop me at any time if I'm getting anything wrong, and declare my attempt null and void.'
'Sure. Go ahead.'
'Now Chiyo, you dye your hair, don't you? Ah, you don't need to answer that, it's a rhetorical question. May I?'
Getting a nod in response, I lift a hank of her beautiful hair and twirl it a little between my fingers. It occurs to me that it's the first time that she lets me touch her, even though it's just this.
'You picked a very unusual color. It stands out everywhere. But your natural hair color appears to be quite common, going from your lashes, which are black.'
Careful. Careful.
'Why, then, would a black-haired girl with strangely-colored eyes try to stand out more, rather than less, when it's obvious she doesn't really enjoy attracting attention? I have found only one possible answer to this.'
'The answer is that this bright color is meant to stand out, to distract people from something else. It's a sort of camouflage.'
'So the only really unusual thing left about you are your eyes. I feel stupid for not fitting things together earlier, but you fooled me as well as anyone, until you made me stop and think about things.'
Chiyo stays quiet. Time to go for broke.
'I think your real, natural hair color is white. ...You're albino, aren't you.'
'I told you you could do it.'
I slowly let out the breath I wasn't even aware I was holding.
'May I ask you something else, Chiyo?'
'Sure, why not.'
'You dye your eyebrows and lashes as a second layer of camouflage, don't you? If you were brightly-colored all over, people might suspect there was something odd going on underneath that. But by providing something... common, you let others trick themselves into thinking you're nothing more than a silly rebellious girl.'
'Very good. Full marks, Hisao.'
'Thank you. I think. ...Doesn't that get tedious, every morning?'
A tinkling giggle precedes her response. 'Aw, you just spoiled a whole load of good deductive reasoning by showing your ignorance about women. Not really. It's minimal, and you don't want to know how much makeup some of our schoolmates apply every day just to look a little better. Trust me, you really don't.'
'Uh...'
'This is also one reason why I asked you to meet so late today. I don't tan well, that is, not at all. I can go out in the sun, as long as I don't push things too far, but really strong, hot sunlight means a quick painful burn for me.'
Chiyo is looking amused, even relieved, as though getting this in the open has lifted a weight from her shoulders. Her reaction to laying out the cards on the table, so to speak, is radically different from mine. I suppose that's what having had to deal with her condition for all of her life does.
All her chattiness, however, vanishes in an unstoppably long yawn.
'Oops. I guess I AM getting tired. We should go, tomorrow's a school day after all.'
'You mean today. Am I allowed to get up now?'
'Yeah yeah, don't be a grump. Just let me get my crutch.'
We sort ourselves out and dust ourselves down, but she still looks like she has something to say before going.
'Hey Hisao, may I ask something too?'
'Of course.'
'...How bad is your heart condition?'
It's still somewhat shocking to get asked that so directly. I settle for the most simple, honest answer I feel I can give.
'Pretty bad.'
I'm a little proud of myself for keeping an even tone. Chiyo nods thoughtfully, and we start to head back.
***
The school grounds are pretty deserted by now, and we must be close to the last people to turn in. Which suits me fine, since I had more than enough excitement for one evening. I don't really want to cross paths with anybody else, just escort Chiyo back to her place, get back to my room, and fall dead to the world until morning breaks.
Miraculously, that's what I get. The walk to the Junior dorms is uneventful, and soon we're in front of the main door, where we can say our goodbyes.
'Thanks, Hisao. I really enjoyed going to the festival with you.'
Chiyo bows, a trace of her previous formality still left over. Old habits die hard.
'No, thank you. The pleasure was all mine... hmm?'
She is looking at something a little to the left of my eyes. I wipe my hand across that part of my face, but nothing shows on my palm.
'Oh, could you bend down a little for me, please?'
After rummaging in her tiny shoulderbag, Chiyo summons up a frilly handkerchief.
This is a bit embarrassing. Well, she's just being kind and there's nobody around to see anyway. I obediently bend down until my head is roughly at her level.
And promptly get taken by surprise as she steadies my face with one hand and plants a chaste, but very firm, kiss on my other cheek.
'There, now you have a proper mark. Be sure to wash it off later.'
My face is burning up, not least at having been had. I can't even stand properly, since Chiyo is still hanging on to my neck. Her eyes are sparkling and she's doing her best to hide a smile, even if her face looks at least as pink as mine feels.
'You were just going to clean my face!'
'I said nothing like that. I only asked you to bend down a little for me.'
'You sneak!'
'I thought that was clear by now. Do I have your attention?'
'What?'
She's still smiling faintly, but the impish look is gone, though the blush isn't.
'Hisao, I think you're a very sweet boy. I had a lot of fun tonight, and I wouldn't mind going out with you again. Am I getting through clearly to you?'
I thought I was blushing before. Obviously I was wrong, since the temperature shot up by several degrees just now. My throat feels dry, and I can only manage a croak.
'Uh. Yes.'
'Good. I'll see you tomorrow at lunch, then? So we can talk again, a little more calmly.'
I dumbly nod, not quite trusting myself to say any more words. No more seem to be needed, in any case. Finally Chiyo releases me, defiantly holding her ground for a beat longer.
'Goodnight.'
'Night...'
Moving as quickly as her leg allows, she passes through the doors and is gone, leaving only the pleasant smell of her hair in her wake.
I don't know how I'll manage sleeping tonight.
***
...
As expected, I can't sleep.
Maybe the events of the day, or more likely my parting with Chiyo, are still roiling inside my brain.
I toss and turn in bed, trying to sleep on my side, on my back, on my stomach. Nothing helps.
I'm feeling really tired but my brain can't disconnect.
...
What was that trick for this kind of situation? There is one but I don't remember it.
...
-SC
Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and all I got was this lousy forum sig.
