Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]

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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Thu May 01, 2014 9:54 am

Great chapter. I was starting to wonder when they had gone from "friends who make out"(which is something I absolutely hate) to boyfriend and girlfriend. I was starting to think I missed something, so I'm glad that was addressed, at least partially. And yeah, I had a feeling Kagami had gotten really bad news. If Hisao hadn't brought it up, she may never had mentioned it. I also agree about Kagami herself. She's possibly the best OC in the forums.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by dewelar » Thu May 01, 2014 11:00 am

Hmmm...you really do like torturing your characters, don't you? :wink:

This was a very realistic, very powerful chapter, from start to finish. Kagami remains a great character, but I also thought the way you handled Hisao's internal struggle over wanting to ask her about her results was excellent. Well done.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by monkeywitha6pack » Thu May 01, 2014 4:35 pm

dewelar wrote:Hmmm...you really do like torturing your characters, don't you? :wink:
Looks like we a George rr Martin here. Minus all the deaths
Wahahaha~.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by MyCaptain » Thu May 01, 2014 5:38 pm

monkeywitha6pack wrote:
dewelar wrote:Hmmm...you really do like torturing your characters, don't you? :wink:
Looks like we a George rr Martin here. Minus all the deaths

Give it time. I'm sure he'll get around to it. :wink:
I have to say that Kagami is my favourite OC, she just seem so real. Deeply troubled, but real.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by forgetmenot » Thu May 01, 2014 5:41 pm

brythain wrote:That's exactly what's going on in my mind as I think of Kagami's inevitable bad news. Beautiful. Again, many thanks for writing this. She's one of the best realised OCs I've ever met or would want to meet.
MyCaptain wrote:I have to say that Kagami is my favourite OC, she just seem so real. Deeply troubled, but real.
Thanks! I try to make her seem as human as possible, but these days she practically writes herself, she's lived in my head for so long. Meeting her in real life would be interesting. She'd most likely drink me under the table.
AntonSlavik020 wrote:Great chapter. I was starting to wonder when they had gone from "friends who make out"(which is something I absolutely hate) to boyfriend and girlfriend. I was starting to think I missed something, so I'm glad that was addressed, at least partially. And yeah, I had a feeling Kagami had gotten really bad news. If Hisao hadn't brought it up, she may never had mentioned it. I also agree about Kagami herself. She's possibly the best OC in the forums.
I wanted the relationship to come from a more organic place than most high school romances seem to. To me, growing into a relationship and then adding the "official" status later on seems a much more healthy behavior than jumping into something that's laden with connotations and expectations. Hisao and Kagami have enough problems to work through without all the unnecessary drama that comes along with being "officially dating". Honestly I probably wouldn't have explicitly mentioned it, but there's some... stuff... coming up in the next few chapters that would suffer for them to not be officially together.

For all intents and purposes, they've been together long before this. I can't imagine either of them having eyes for anyone else at this point.
dewelar wrote:Hmmm...you really do like torturing your characters, don't you? :wink:

This was a very realistic, very powerful chapter, from start to finish. Kagami remains a great character, but I also thought the way you handled Hisao's internal struggle over wanting to ask her about her results was excellent. Well done.
I made some loose comparisons to Vonnegut the other day. He's famed with saying, "Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of."

So I suppose I come from that school of writing.

That internal struggle was probably rewritten 6 times in order to make it the most effective it could be. Glad to see it paid off. Cheers!
monkeywitha6pack wrote:Looks like we a George rr Martin here. Minus all the deaths
And incest. And rape. And questionable pedophilia. Seriously wasn't Dany supposed to be like 13 when she married the Khal?
So I guess my apologies to anyone who was hoping to see any of those things from me in the future.


And on a serious note, thanks to everyone for reading. You guys are the wind in my sails.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by neio » Sat May 03, 2014 1:07 pm

Excellent. With the exception of the "internal dialogue ending in external outburst" (which I found to be rather dramatic, but still quite fitting), I found the whole chapter inexplicably real. And given the gravitas of the situation, it feeling real made it very moving.

I found the Scholar's Mate to be a nice touch, too.

__________________________________

And since nitpicking is my thing ;-)
Considering her silence during the past half-hour
I was taught that fractions like these used as nouns ("a half hour") take no hyphen, while fractions used as adjectives ("a half-hour drive") do. (To make things more confusing, bare fractions like "two-thirds" are hyphenated, even as nouns). The Chicago Manual of Style agrees.
“Thanks…? I suppose?”

...too late?

…not what? Not disabled?
I presume you're typing these out in Word or something beforehand. Your editor is only replacing some triple-period instances with ellipses. Same thing with smart quotes.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by forgetmenot » Sat May 03, 2014 8:21 pm

neio wrote:Excellent. With the exception of the "internal dialogue ending in external outburst" (which I found to be rather dramatic, but still quite fitting), I found the whole chapter inexplicably real. And given the gravitas of the situation, it feeling real made it very moving.

I found the Scholar's Mate to be a nice touch, too.
I was wondering how to best depict that they are most certainly not on the same level when it comes to chess... that seemed like a good way to do it.
Considering her silence during the past half-hour
I was taught that fractions like these used as nouns ("a half hour") take no hyphen, while fractions used as adjectives ("a half-hour drive") do. (To make things more confusing, bare fractions like "two-thirds" are hyphenated, even as nouns). The Chicago Manual of Style agrees.
Man this is interesting. You learn something new every day about the oddities of the English language.
“Thanks…? I suppose?”

...too late?

…not what? Not disabled?
I presume you're typing these out in Word or something beforehand. Your editor is only replacing some triple-period instances with ellipses. Same thing with smart quotes.
Oh, dear god. What have you done.

*sighs*

I suppose I'll just fix this chapter and then drink heavily in order to forget that there may be other instances of this in the rest of the story. Thanks for keeping me honest.

EDIT: So while I was fixing this I noticed that the sections I wrote on my PC have the correct ellipses, but the sections I wrote on my Macbook don't. This has prompted me to spend some time thinking of a scripting solution to the problem. /nerdrage

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by neio » Sat May 03, 2014 8:48 pm

forgetmenot wrote:EDIT: So while I was fixing this I noticed that the sections I wrote on my PC have the correct ellipses, but the sections I wrote on my Macbook don't. This has prompted me to spend some time thinking of a scripting solution to the problem. /nerdrage
Scripting? You're just looking for find-and-replace. Ctrl+H it all, unless you have some intentional triple-period instances.

Now, if you want to do it for all files, all at once, and they're saved as .docx files, then you could do it with the Word COM Object. With no experience with C# or VB, the quickest thing to pick up that can do COM will be VBS or AutoHotkey.

/offtopic
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by forgetmenot » Sat May 03, 2014 9:23 pm

neio wrote:Scripting? You're just looking for find-and-replace. Ctrl+H it all, unless you have some intentional triple-period instances.
Oh, no, I was talking about writing an autoreplace script for my text editor on my Mac, to be used going forward instead of retroactively. More as a fun code-flexing exercise, less as the quickest means to an end, haha.

Also, surprisingly, the definitive version of the route is actually posted here. I know for a fact I've forgotten to go back and retroactively fix edits in the manuscript that's sitting on my dropbox. I figure once it's completed (which'll be, like, years from now at this rate) I'll take the time to transfer everything back and make sure both versions are the same.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by NekoDude » Sun May 04, 2014 9:39 am

forgetmenot wrote:
neio wrote:Scripting? You're just looking for find-and-replace. Ctrl+H it all, unless you have some intentional triple-period instances.
Oh, no, I was talking about writing an autoreplace script for my text editor on my Mac, to be used going forward instead of retroactively. More as a fun code-flexing exercise, less as the quickest means to an end, haha.
You have a problem. You say, "I know, I'll use regexps!" Now you have two problems.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by Mader Levap » Sun May 04, 2014 11:08 am

NekoDude wrote:You have a problem. You say, "I know, I'll use regexps!" Now you have two problems.
He has Mac. That's his problem in his case.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by forgetmenot » Sun May 04, 2014 2:03 pm

NekoDude wrote:You have a problem. You say, "I know, I'll use regexps!" Now you have two problems.
Parsing html with regular expressions: you may call it sacrilegious; I call it something that happens quite often at code reviews!

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by neio » Mon May 05, 2014 8:25 pm

forgetmenot wrote:
NekoDude wrote:You have a problem. You say, "I know, I'll use regexps!" Now you have two problems.
Parsing html with regular expressions: you may call it sacrilegious; I call it something that happens quite often at code reviews!
H̻̣̦̹̮̙̮ͣͯ̃ͦ͢ë̷̪͓̝̺̰͔̯ͧͩ̑̐͘ ̲̖̩̳͒͟c̝̻͚̰̥̮̄ͤò̘ͮ̒̐̏ͭͧ̒m̢̛̜͈̘ͦ̈ͥ͛̃ͭ̉̚ͅe͈͇̩̫͉̳̠̣̿ͧ̓̈́ͤ͌ͥ̕ş̸̞̭̫̔͑̈́ͭ̕ ̺̞͍̺̗͚̲ͦͣ͐̃͟h̨͖ͪͤ͋͛͆ẽ̜̘͒̎ͫ͊̒͒ ̺͍ͯ̔ͭ̈́͒ͩͮ̒̓́̕͡c̜ͫ͞õ̼̮͖͔ͪ͝͞m̶̌͏̼̱͡e̜͓̫̱͉̭̪͊ͧͫͫ̅ͦͦs͎̱͖̥̘̩̻̻̱̏̓̿͒͐́͝



also
“W-well, you look great,” I say, attempting to smile.
I swear this actually works. It's so ridiculous that it snaps girls out of their panic. Or something.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by Helbereth » Tue May 06, 2014 10:14 pm

neio wrote:
“W-well, you look great,” I say, attempting to smile.
I swear this actually works. It's so ridiculous that it snaps girls out of their panic. Or something.
Women have an entire lobe of their brain dedicated to the interpretation of compliments, which, when activated, can negate all other functions.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 5/1]

Post by forgetmenot » Thu May 08, 2014 5:13 pm

Heyo everybody. I know this seems awfully soon for an update from me, but the truth is I wrote this chapter as an extension to the last one, then split them up to be space-friendly. Also they're somewhat *ahem* thematically different in nature. That being said, this is the first time I've ever written lewd, so hopefully y'all enjoy the chapter.

Warning: The following scene contains content that is intended for mature audiences (18+) only.

Scene 23: Major Arcana; Sixth Trump

For a long time, we sit like this in the quiet; nothing said, nothing to say. Kagami's weeping eventually stops, however, and she raises her face to mine. I slowly wipe the tears from her cheeks, which brings a small smile. I barely have time to return it before she raises her lips to mine and presses them firmly together.

She grips my head tightly between her hands, forcing a long and hungry kiss, which I'm all too happy to accept. Her movements are fast and voracious — this is nothing like the slow, sensual kisses I've come to expect from her. This is fire... this is passion... this is-

My eyes grow wide as I realize the implication of her affection, causing me to break away for just a moment. Kagami's eyes glisten with questioning.

"K-Kagami, w-wait," I stammer.

"No," she replies, barely using half a breath before moving her hands to the back of my head again, pulling me into a somehow deeper kiss. A fleeting thought that resembles resistance of some kind flutters through the back of my mind before being drowned out by alcohol and the girl in my arms' seemingly insatiable kisses.

Her hands move quickly from my shoulders, massaging me down my sides as she slips her left arm under my shirt and presses it firmly against my back, drawing her body closer to mine. The other hand fumbles with my collar button for a few moments, without much success; I decide to just take my shirt off over my head. Her previously unoccupied hand gingerly traces the nape of my neck, across my shoulder and down to my now-unclothed chest.

There's a brief pause for a moment when the tips of her fingers reach my scar. She traces over it, carefully.

"That's-"

"Your scar from your heart surgeries. I know."

A small knot of worry begins to form in my stomach. What if...?

As if to answer, Kagami leans in and kisses me yet again, placing her whole palm across my chest.

Our lips separate, just for a moment, as she asks, "You'll let me know if it gets to be too much for you, okay? Promise you'll tell me?"

I nod in compliance. "I promise."

A small silence ensues for a moment after, but it's only a moment, and after it passes she begins again, possibly even more impassioned than before. After a few minutes, she breaks the kiss for a half second, grabbing my right hand from its rather modest spot on her waist and placing it firmly onto her breast, before breathing, "Touch me," into my ear. I happily oblige.

We stay like this for a few more moments, my hands running up and down Kagami's body, caressing each curve tenderly and with varied moans of excitement as my hands traverse new territory. Every inadvertent squeeze only seems to draw more and more noise from her, until eventually she pushes back from my chest.

Reaching down across her midriff and crossing her arms, she grabs the bottom part of her sweatshirt and raises it over her head and off her body in one fluid motion. The camisole she wears underneath leaves little to the imagination, and I catch myself staring rather too intently at her chest. Instinctively, I look away quickly, but Kagami laughs quietly.

"You don't have to be shy. Like I said, I want you to touch me."

I smile back as Kagami leans backwards on her heels and pushes herself completely off of me. She then stands and sashays into the hallway behind us, leading to her bedroom. Stopping at the corner, she beckons me to follow her, and then disappears.

A second later, a white camisole arcs across the room, thrown from the doorway to Kagami's room.

I sit at the table, slightly flabbergasted for a few moments, then spring to my feet. If that doesn't give a guy a heart attack, I don't know what will. Besides, I've been running with Emi for a few weeks now — this is why, right? So I can live my life and not have to worry so much? The thought manages to ease the worry from my stomach, and I feel a small smile break across my face.

Before I follow her into the bedroom, however, I reach across the table and tip my king over, signifying a concession to Kagami. I already won the last few games, anyhow.

By the time I reach her door, Kagami's already removed her bra. However, she's chosen to face away from the door, so I'm greeted with the sight of her bare back while she leers sensually over her shoulder. Walking up behind her, I press my chest to her back, wrapping my arms around her midriff and kissing her neck softly. I run my hands slowly up and down her torso for a minute, but eventually, Kagami whirls around to face me.

"Hisao."

"Yeah?"

"Touch my breasts."

I almost choke. "W-what?"

"I feel like I wasn't being clear earlier. I want you to touch my breasts. I like it."

I reach out and gingerly place one hand on Kagami's naked breast, awkwardly massaging it. The sensation isn't unwelcome, but after a few seconds of groping, it becomes clear that my arrhythmic squeezes aren't in the least bit sensual. I attempt to compensate by moving in closer, but all this does is cause my elbows to bend at awkward angles, increasing the difficulty of the situation.

At first, Kagami stares in bewilderment, but then begins to break into raucous laughter, which continues until she begins to hiccup uncontrollably. This causes me to start to laugh as well, until eventually we're left standing in the middle of her room, wiping away tears of laughter.

Still grinning, Kagami presses her chest to mine and wraps her arms firmly around my back. "Hisao?" she says quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I... I want you. All of you."

"I want you too, Kagami."

Kagami smiles, and pulls me into a deep, long kiss.

"Come to bed with me," she says, sitting down on the bed and pulling me on top of her. I respond by continuing our kiss, and running my free hand from her side to her chest, where I linger for some time as dictated by her soft moans.

An indefinite amount of time passes as we lay in each other's arms, kissing, touching. She toys with the idea of undoing my belt buckle, but usually only has one arm free at a time. Eventually we take a momentary pause from our kissing as we both undo our respective lower garments, tossing them in a somewhat synchronous pile on the floor. This earns a small chuckle from both of us before Kagami climbs on top of me again and continues.

Now, though, her hands venture lower than my chest and abdomen, stopping just above the waistband of my underwear. She bites her lip in hesitation. I give her a brief nod to signal the okay, but she quickly dismounts and pulls up close to me, pressing her chest to my side and sending shivers through my torso.

"You first," she says, taking my hand and slipping it below the waistband of her panties. I briefly consider protesting, but considering what she's asking me to do... well, it doesn't take much convincing.

I slowly move my hand downwards, not really sure what to expect. I briefly riffle through my mind's pages to the diagrams our awkward, overweight teacher put up on transparencies, but all that does is remind me of some d_ōjinshi with dirty parts in them, which doesn't help in the slightest. Even with the assumption that their respective authors had any firsthand experience to begin with.

My fears of inexperience are confirmed when Kagami gives a little bit of a derisive snort, reaches down, and guides my hand lower. I immediately know when I've hit what I was supposed to, because Kagami's back arches slightly and she gasps suddenly. I near-frantically search for that specific spot again and accidentally brush over it twice quickly, which earns another, louder gasp from Kagami.

"Right... there. Keep going," she breathes. By this time, her panties and skin are completely soaked. So much so that my finger just slides over that sensitive part with little to no effort. Kagami, however, is twisting back and forth, her moans of pleasure growing louder and louder. I get so worked up that my hand accidentally slips too far, causing my fingers to plunge inside of her, with Kagami nearly sitting up on the bed, almost screaming. "Do that! Keep doing that, oh god why are you stopping?"

To answer, I slip my fingers inside of her again, which causes her to flop back onto the pillow and continue moaning, even louder than before. "F...faster, Hisao," she says, quite out of breath. As my fingers move in and out of her at greater and greater speed, she begins to nearly scream with pleasure, eventually releasing into a full-body spasm, which I feel mostly in my fingers as she tightens around them in waves.

She collapses back onto the pillow, breathing heavily. "W-wow," is all she says at first. I take my spot beside her and gently run my hand over her, feeling my palm rise and fall with each breath she takes. She turns to me and looks deeply into my eyes. Suddenly, I feel just as lost in them as I did when we first met; adrift in a glassy-grey sea, shimmering in the twilight.

She kisses my cheek softly. "I love you, Hisao."

"I love you too," I blurt out, not really thinking about it any more than that.

I feel her hands on my face again as she pulls me into another long kiss. Still locked in each others' arms, she climbs on top of me once again and moves her hands down my chest and torso, stopping again at my waistline. This time, however, her fingers travel underneath the fabric and gently brush against me. It elicits a sharp gasp from somewhere involuntary.

Kagami toys with me for a while, slowly brushing her hands across my pelvis, occasionally making contact and sending shock waves of sensation through my lower body. She methodically works the waistband of my underwear lower and lower across my waist, until eventually I slip out and over the front of them. This is met with a small gasp from the girl on top of me.

"T-that's a good gasp, right?" I ask tentatively.

Kagami smiles and nods vigorously in response, then climbs off for a second to fully remove my underwear. "You won't be needing these anymore, I don't think," she says with a wink.

I laugh, somewhat involuntarily and somewhat nervously. "Can't think of a reason why."

"Good. Neither can I," she adds, throwing my underwear across the room and climbing back on top of me. As she finds her desired position, I notice in a very conspicuous way she's also removed her own undergarment. She begins grinding her inner thighs against my pelvis, just barely touching our most sensitive parts together, then moving away, then back again.

I moan, not able to keep my voice inside of my chest.

Kagami bites her lip seductively. "That feels good?" She leans down, touching her chest gently to mine and placing a hand on either side of me. I can feel her hot breath warm my neck as she whispers into my ear.

"Are y-you ready for me?" she pants through heavy breaths.

I briefly take stock of my heartbeat, but it seems normal, if not a little bit fast. But I'm too far into the moment to care. "Y-yeah."

A sensation unlike anything I've ever felt before overwhelms me as Kagami lowers herself onto me- slowly at first, but quickly enough that there's a small sound of skin on skin when her backside comes to rest on my thighs. It's hot, and wet, yet amazing in every sense of the word.

For a moment, Kagami and I are motionless, both breathing deeply, both lost in this new sensation. In the short times I have my eyes open between heavy blinks, I can see her face frozen in a place that seems halfway between pain and pleasure.

"Are... are you okay?" I manage to say.

Kagami's face doesn't really change all that much, but I'm reassured when she says, "Yeah... you feel really, really good." A small twinge of a smile forms at the corners of her mouth, but it's quickly overtaken by another shallow intake of breath. After a few more moments of this, she opens her eyes and speaks again. "I-I'm gonna move a little bit, okay?"

Before I have a chance to react, her hips slide forward a few inches, but the sensation it produces is immense: both Kagami and I moan loudly in sync. Encouraged, she begins to rock back and forth slowly, establishing a rhythm quickly.

Her hands move constantly from beside me on the bed to my shoulders to my waist, each position providing slightly altered sensations, the largest of which come when she adds a slight vertical movement to the already intoxicating back and forth motion.

"Kagami, I-I..."

"A-are you gonna...?" she asks, slowing her motion slightly.

I shake my head. "No, not yet. I just..." I stop for a moment, lost deep in her eyes again. "I really do love you."

At this, she smiles widely. Leaning down and extricating our bodies from one another just slightly, she kisses me slow and deep.

"I really do love you too, Hisao."

She sits up on top of me, and I feel myself slide fully into her, and makes both of us sigh deeply with pleasure. I instinctively place my hands on her hips, which follow their motion as she slowly gyrates on top of me. Her hands thoroughly muss her hair as she runs them wildly over her scalp.

"H-Hisao..." she pants, "t-touch..."

I need no further hints as I move my hands up from her hips and run them over her breasts, which causes her to nearly shriek with ecstasy. I'm so caught up in the act that, for a few moments, I completely miss one of her own hands move from her head down to where our bodies intersect and begin to massage herself vigorously.

Whether we stay like this — suspended in a moment of pure sexual bliss — for a minute or an hour I can't say. The movement of her hips across my thighs, her increasingly guttural moans, the smell of our sweat mixing in the dimly lit room... all of it blurs into one fluid, basal experience. Two bodies, intertwined. Connected.

Suddenly, Kagami lets out the loudest scream yet and hunches over on top of me, quivering in pleasure. Like I did with my fingers, I feel the waves of tightness as her muscles contract and relax around me. The sensation overwhelms, and pushes me past the limits of my endurance as I sit up involuntarily and embrace her. We grip each other tightly, both locked in the throes of orgasm.

After a few seconds, we both become aware of just how hard the other is breathing and begin to give small chuckles between pants. I'm relieved at how well my heart held up throughout the whole experience; I didn't even feel a flutter; it's a good feeling. Once we've somewhat caught our collective breath — and stopped giggling — Kagami leans in and kisses me once more.

"Hey," she says, smiling after our lips part.

"Hey yourself."

"Hisao..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad... glad that we're lovers. I love you."

"I love you too, Kagami. I'm happy that my first time... was with you."

She laughs. "You're cheesy. But I'm happy for that, too."

I begin to loosen my embrace and lie back down, but Kagami grips me tighter, pulling me close.

"Not yet. I still want you inside me," she whispers softly. "If only for another few moments."

And so we stay. Lovers tied up in a post-coital embrace, one completely infatuated and in love with the other.

If only for another few moments.

__________

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