Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]

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forgetmenot
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by forgetmenot » Mon Feb 24, 2014 1:54 pm

dewelar wrote:
bhtooefr wrote:Wait, is that actually meant to be a canon epilogue to this route, or is it meant to be off of Rin's route?

Because if it's an epilogue, that's pretty damn sad... :cry:
I'm going to guess "neither", and that it's more of an alternate-future thing. I'm pretty positive it's not the latter, because if it was Kagami wouldn't be calling her one-night stand "Hisao".

But if this is canon, I might just have to quit reading this :|.
Well you're correct in that it's not an epilogue to Rin's route.

As to the other two possibilities, I'm keeping my mouth buttoned. But you should keep reading just in case. :twisted:

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:06 pm

Assuming you're doing multiple endings -- in the spirit of a pseudo-route -- your anniversary one shot has all the feel(s) of a bad-end epilogue. Or at least I hope it is the bad-end epilogue, heavens help us if it's the good-end one.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by dewelar » Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:49 pm

Oscar Wildecat wrote:Assuming you're doing multiple endings -- in the spirit of a pseudo-route -- your anniversary one shot has all the feel(s) of a bad-end epilogue. Or at least I hope it is the bad-end epilogue, heavens help us if it's the good-end one.
Bad ending...yeah, sometimes I forget this is a pseudo-route, with (potentially) all that implies. Still, that means the bad ending was bad enough that she removed everything about Hisao from her journal. For someone with Kagami's condition, that would have to be pretty stupendously bad. That could be very interesting reading, come to think of it.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by bhtooefr » Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:06 pm

It's also basically stating that she's a (functional) alcoholic by that point, to the point of drinking multiple bottles of wine right before a performance.

I'm wondering if her drinking habit becomes a main conflict point between her and Hisao...
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:53 pm

I'm very rarely a fan of sad stories, and unfortunately this was no exception. There's nothing wrong with the one-shot itself, really, just not something I'm a fan of. And I'm going to assume that this is either a bad end epilogue or just a what-would-happen-of-they-broke-up scenario. Either way, not my cup of tea.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:20 pm

Same here.
I can think of much more enjoyable ways to celerate an anniversary.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by NekoDude » Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:08 pm

dewelar wrote:
Oscar Wildecat wrote:Assuming you're doing multiple endings -- in the spirit of a pseudo-route -- your anniversary one shot has all the feel(s) of a bad-end epilogue. Or at least I hope it is the bad-end epilogue, heavens help us if it's the good-end one.
Bad ending...yeah, sometimes I forget this is a pseudo-route, with (potentially) all that implies. Still, that means the bad ending was bad enough that she removed everything about Hisao from her journal. For someone with Kagami's condition, that would have to be pretty stupendously bad. That could be very interesting reading, come to think of it.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Maybe she'd rather forget and not have a future encounter poisoned by her bad feelings of that moment.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Same here.
I can think of much more enjoyable ways to celerate an anniversary.
Here's something a bit cheerier then. Jump in three and a half minutes if you want to cut to the chase. (Incidentally, the cello concerto that follows Festive Overture is frighteningly technical in much the same way as the Paganini, but rather less... wanky. Much of the Paganini is hard just for the sake of being hard.)

I've never considered this an exceptionally difficult piece, having performed it with multiple ensembles, in multiple arrangements (and keys: G, A-flat, and A), from almost as many different instruments (why G? Drum and bugle corps, back in the days when we only had two valves and the entire hornline had to be in G... yeah I'm old). It's fast, and technical at times, but it's tonal and logical, and somehow that makes it quite a bit easier to play. A-flat has to be the worst key for it -- even for a wind ensemble full of flat-key instruments, it would have been kinder to just have left it in A.

The Paganini, on the other hand... if she's up to that, then I really didn't need to hold back with the double stops the way I did on my two tracks (I stuck mostly to fourths and fifths). Sliding double stops... in tenths. Trills... on artificial harmonics... sheesh.

As one YouTube commenter put it: "Can we at least make it look a little bit difficult, please?!" :lol:

Also, is she playing it in the modern tradition (D) or the original written key (E-flat, with the solo violin tuned up a half step)? If the latter, I hope her well-worn road violin doesn't just implode with the extra string tension... I can just imagine her getting a little bit too emotional with the pizzicato, and there's a sickening *CRACK* heard just before violin and violinist collapse into a singularity.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Helbereth » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:20 pm

I briefly glade back at the clock.
Glance, perhaps? Glade is a forest clearing.

That's the only flaw of note I located. Apart from that, please ignore the stream of negativity concerning the tone of the tale. It's well-written, feels real, and seems to perfectly suit the Kagami we've learned a little bit about through Hisao's eyes. Granted it has an undercurrent of hopeless monotony, and it's a real downer figuring that her relationship with Hisao eventually collapsed, but it's probably good that she doesn't remember him. Perhaps the most depressing realization is that she calls his name out in the throes of passion, which seems to mean an echo remains of her feelings for him, but at least she doesn't know the reason.

I wish I could forget some things like that...

The first thing I noticed is that it's obviously a perspective swap compared to the route, which is refreshing. Instead of seeing this concert through Hisao's eyes, which would give away the point you're trying to make, we get a look at Kagami's thought process - albeit five years post-Yamaku. The only thing I don't quite fully understand is why Rin didn't recognize her, though I suspect her ignorance is intentional more than a result of absentmindedness. The potential alcoholism doesn't surprise me, which is perhaps a sad thought, but that doesn't make it any less realistic.

I'll finish by pointing out that epilogues like this, which show things having fallen apart anyway, have been written based on even the good endings from the VN - I've written one myself. Don't drink the haterade.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:37 pm

Helbereth wrote:Don't drink the haterade.
I, actually think the one-shot was very well written. However:
There’s something that seems very sad about all of this. I just wish I could remember for the life of me what it is.
If a sad forgetfulness is best possible outcome of a Hisao/Kagami relationship (i.e. a good ending), that would be kinda sad...
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by neio » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:19 am

Damn.

That was really well-written, well-put together, well-enjoyed and all kinds of other wells. I might like it better than the most recent chapter update. But boy, was it depressing.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Umber » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:53 am

neio wrote:Damn.

That was really well-written, well-put together, well-enjoyed and all kinds of other wells. I might like it better than the most recent chapter update. But boy, was it depressing.
My thoughts exactly.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by forgetmenot » Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:44 am

NekoDude wrote:I've never considered this an exceptionally difficult piece, having performed it with multiple ensembles, in multiple arrangements (and keys: G, A-flat, and A), from almost as many different instruments (why G? Drum and bugle corps, back in the days when we only had two valves and the entire hornline had to be in G... yeah I'm old). It's fast, and technical at times, but it's tonal and logical, and somehow that makes it quite a bit easier to play. A-flat has to be the worst key for it -- even for a wind ensemble full of flat-key instruments, it would have been kinder to just have left it in A.
Try getting a whole violin section of teenagers to play some of the sixteenth-note scale-esque stuff together and in time and then come back to me and say it's not difficult. I seriously came close to loathing those sectionals I had to lead with my stand partner.
NekoDude wrote:Also, is she playing it in the modern tradition (D) or the original written key (E-flat, with the solo violin tuned up a half step)? If the latter, I hope her well-worn road violin doesn't just implode with the extra string tension... I can just imagine her getting a little bit too emotional with the pizzicato, and there's a sickening *CRACK* heard just before violin and violinist collapse into a singularity.
A = 440Hz, fuck what ya herd

But seriously fuck that detuned shit, I played a baroque concert once and it seriously messed with my perfect pitch. I was practically nosebleeding the whole time.
Helbereth wrote:
I briefly glade back at the clock.
Glance, perhaps? Glade is a forest clearing.
fix'd
Helbereth wrote:The only thing I don't quite fully understand is why Rin didn't recognize her, though I suspect her ignorance is intentional more than a result of absentmindedness. The potential alcoholism doesn't surprise me, which is perhaps a sad thought, but that doesn't make it any less realistic.
It's funny that you read it this way, because I thought I made it clear Rin knew exactly who she was, but because of the way the conversation was set up ("Don't I know you from somewhere?" "I doubt you know me.") the meaning of what Rin says ("I recognize you as the girl who doesn't remember anything and therefore could have no clue as to who I am") is lost in semantics. It is, granted, a conversational nuance that's easily glossed over, I guess. Maybe I should go back and add some italics there.
Helbereth wrote:I wish I could forget some things like that...
Don't we all.
Helbereth wrote:I'll finish by pointing out that epilogues like this, which show things having fallen apart anyway, have been written based on even the good endings from the VN - I've written one myself. Don't drink the haterade.
Eh, I wasn't too concerned about it. It does a couple things (such as let the readers have a peek into Kagami's thought processes, or signifying that there's a very real chance of a bad end) that I feel are necessary at this point in the "pseudocanon", and it let me get away from the story flowchart for a bit. It's reassuring that not everyone hates it, though. :lol:
neio wrote:Damn.

That was really well-written, well-put together, well-enjoyed and all kinds of other wells. I might like it better than the most recent chapter update. But boy, was it depressing.
It's almost unfortunate that I, as a writer, seem consigned to exist outside of the emotional spectrum of my work. When I was writing this, I had a gleeful smile on my face because I'm a sadistic bastard and a horrible human being, but that's neither here nor there.

I guess I've always considered art to have fulfilled its purpose when it makes you feel something. For the longest time I hated the writing of Tennessee Williams, but I realized a few years out of high school that The Glass Menagerie is one of the greatest works of art I've ever read, simply because he somehow made me despise every character in that play more than I despised anyone in real life. At least at the time. My point being is that I guess I would have considered this oneshot a failure if it didn't elicit some sort of reaction in a reader, rather than simply being disliked.

And whether or not you enjoyed it, you all have my sincere gratitude for reading. I hope it doesn't put you off the rest of the story.

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Mahorfeus » Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:31 am

I admit that at first, I kind of glazed over this one since I generally don't like amnesia as a plot device. Sorry. But just on a whim I gave the anniversary one-shot a shot and I have to say, I'm glad I did. As someone who has only skimmed a chapter or two or this, reading a bit from an amnesiac's perspective almost seemed appropriate. Or maybe I've already read the fic and I just forgot.

Anyway, a year or so late, but I think I'll have to try this one from the top.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:24 pm

Maybe I should go back and add some italics there.
I don't think so. That would imply Rin uses emphasis in her speech...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Anniversary Oneshot Added 2/24]

Post by forgetmenot » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:25 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Maybe I should go back and add some italics there.
I don't think so. That would imply Rin uses emphasis in her speech...
A fair point. :lol:

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