Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
StudyOfWumbology
Posts: 254
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:42 am
Location: Xanatos's Evil Lair's Cell Block A, Cell Number 69

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by StudyOfWumbology » Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:31 pm

I really enjoy this new side of Lilly that we're seeing. It really gives a whole new perspective when you are playing through her route. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this chapter and hope to see you post more of this!
Things happen. For the best or for the worst we do not know.

Plague
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:27 pm

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by Plague » Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:34 pm

centurion911 wrote: Thank you very much for your input.

The frequency of the internal monologues is something I tried to address in a different way. Instead of having one lump paragraph of all Lilly's thoughts, I space them out in between the dialogues. I don't believe Lilly is someone who will stop and think in the middle of her conversation. Anytime she's had her mind on something else in the story it's been very apparent. I may work to extend the monologues that I have thus far but, for now, I think I will leave it as is :) I like the flow of the story and how Lilly is very mechanical on the outside but a swirling torrent on the inside.

Also, there are some things I'm not typing out in her thoughts because I don't think she fully realizes her thoughts as of now. She's spent quite a few years in denial about her parents and half the story in denial about her not wanting to go to Scotland. It seems to me that she doesn't sift through her thoughts as thoroughly as Hisao does, and that's a big problem for her
Oh I did not really mean long monologues, more like adding few words. like "he answers after a little pause" or "I hear her sigh", around the speech itself. So you don't have those parts there there are two or three dialog lines without anything else.

I surely did not mean what you think I did - adding more "thoughts" or "content", no just making it look more readable as opposed to a transcript in some parts.

User avatar
centurion911
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:49 am

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by centurion911 » Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:44 pm

Plague wrote:
centurion911 wrote: Thank you very much for your input.

The frequency of the internal monologues is something I tried to address in a different way. Instead of having one lump paragraph of all Lilly's thoughts, I space them out in between the dialogues. I don't believe Lilly is someone who will stop and think in the middle of her conversation. Anytime she's had her mind on something else in the story it's been very apparent. I may work to extend the monologues that I have thus far but, for now, I think I will leave it as is :) I like the flow of the story and how Lilly is very mechanical on the outside but a swirling torrent on the inside.

Also, there are some things I'm not typing out in her thoughts because I don't think she fully realizes her thoughts as of now. She's spent quite a few years in denial about her parents and half the story in denial about her not wanting to go to Scotland. It seems to me that she doesn't sift through her thoughts as thoroughly as Hisao does, and that's a big problem for her
Oh I did not really mean long monologues, more like adding few words. like "he answers after a little pause" or "I hear her sigh", around the speech itself. So you don't have those parts there there are two or three dialog lines without anything else.

I surely did not mean what you think I did - adding more "thoughts" or "content", no just making it look more readable as opposed to a transcript in some parts.

When you put it that way it does make more sense. I will see what I can add in the next part :)

User avatar
OtakuNinja
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:42 pm
Location: Sweden
Contact:

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by OtakuNinja » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:27 pm

I'm amazed that this fic shows exactly what I think happened, as I imagined it happening. :o
Image
Emibro, Hanabro, [Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

Plague
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:27 pm

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by Plague » Sun Feb 17, 2013 10:27 pm

OtakuNinja wrote:I'm amazed that this fic shows exactly what I think happened, as I imagined it happening. :o
Right? Well every person in the World is unique, just like everybody else ;)

I'm so glad that @centurion911 writes the story the exact way ... "it happened". There I said it, the way I imagined it in my head is the way it happened, and nobody can tell me otherwise!

User avatar
centurion911
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:49 am

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by centurion911 » Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:52 pm

It may be about a week before my next update depending on my schedule. I have a lot of tests this week and I'm going to San Luis Obispo to see my girlfriend on the weekend. If I have time I'll see if I can pump out a bit of the story though.

User avatar
StudyOfWumbology
Posts: 254
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:42 am
Location: Xanatos's Evil Lair's Cell Block A, Cell Number 69

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by StudyOfWumbology » Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:27 pm

centurion911 wrote:It may be about a week before my next update depending on my schedule. I have a lot of tests this week and I'm going to San Luis Obispo to see my girlfriend on the weekend. If I have time I'll see if I can pump out a bit of the story though.
Don't worry about it bro, as long as you don't take a year to post we can still love you.
Things happen. For the best or for the worst we do not know.

User avatar
centurion911
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:49 am

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Post by centurion911 » Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:06 am

I have made a couple of decisions regarding this.

1. Writing in the story dialogue is cumbersome and affecting my ability as a writer (it's fatiguing so my work depreciates). So I will only write the scene from when Lilly leaves via car up to the Hospital scene.

2. I will focus on writing epilogues for her and Hisao once I am done. Creating my own content is both more enjoyable and much easier (I can do it at work without having the game open). I'm gonna end up writing some 1-shots/scenes/possibly routes of Hisao and other characters (Misha, Hanako, Suzu, Saki, or Miki are ones that interest me) once I am done with this as well. With luck, part one of the final scene will be up within the next 3 days.
Last edited by centurion911 on Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
StudyOfWumbology
Posts: 254
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:42 am
Location: Xanatos's Evil Lair's Cell Block A, Cell Number 69

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17) (NEW INFO!!)

Post by StudyOfWumbology » Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:56 am

Can't wait to see all of the possible psuedo routes. Keep up the good work, and I hope for your best!
Things happen. For the best or for the worst we do not know.

Plague
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:27 pm

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17) (NEW INFO!!)

Post by Plague » Mon Feb 25, 2013 1:51 pm

Aww, I was looking forward to some scenes. But I get your meaning. Also, the current state of the story is quite complete. Everything is actually explained here and the story has a nice ending line, which is always great.

Looking forward to continuation stories, hopefully they will not clash much with fluffandcrunch's pastebin ones.
Also, make them fluffy, I can't stand those bad-ending continuations ;)

User avatar
centurion911
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:49 am

Saying Goodbye

Post by centurion911 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:12 am

"I know I have to say goodbye... I know you have to go your own way"

Hanako clutches my arm tighter, an saddening juxtaposition to her statement.

"But....thank you Lilly. For everything". She releases the grip on my arm as she steps backward.

"Thank you Hanako, will you be ok?" I ask warmly, though I know the answer to this one. She's become so strong.

"I will" She replies confidently. My my, they do grow up quickly.

"That will make me very happy then," I assure her, "Goodbye"

"Goodbye...Lilly," She says sadly.

"And farewell to you too Hisao." I point my body in his direction, awaiting his response.

"Goodbye, I'll miss you." He says with a tinge of sadness.

So this is how it all ends. We go out not with a bang, but with a whimper. With a wall firmly between us.

I place my hand on his face, feeling him again.

For the last time.

I love him. That I do know. I love him so much my heart aches for his touch every second I am away. That's all fine and peachy except for one tiny detail.

He doesn't love me back.

I've given him every sign, allowed him every single chance. I've done everything short of asking him to tell me not to go, and he hasn't. He didn't even let me make the decision. When we discussed the subject at the Shanghai, he never asked if I was going or not, he just assumed I was and, for all intents and purposes, he broke up with me there. He can't show such little care for me while loving me. He can't love me. He CAN'T.

Can he?

Slowly, I feel my hand being directed away from his cheek. How oddly fitting. Me getting ready to go and him giving the final 'push'.

"I hope you have a long and happy life, Lilly, no matter where you go," He says with all the warmth he can muster. I detect the faint traces of sadness in his voice.

"Thank you. I'll make sure to," Why Hisao? Just show me, one small gesture. I want to be with you, I want to share my life with you, but it's obvious that you don't.

I sigh, nearly on the verge of tears. Keeping my plastic smile on, I signal to Akira. We begin walking to the taxi.

I'm almost gone Hisao.

"Seeya guys! Take care of yourselves," Akira shouts with faux cheer.

This is your last chance Hisao.

"Goodbye Hanako! Goodbye Hisao!" The second part more a loud whisper than a statement.

Stop me Hisao. Please

"Goodbye Lilly! Goodbye," Hanako calls out.

STOP ME!

"See you Akira," he pauses, "and goodbye Lilly!" he finally calls out.

It's everything I can do to stifle a sob while I wave through the back window.

In seconds we're on the road, quickly leaving Yamaku in the dust.

It was his last chance. Even then, he seemed to get more jovial as the goodbye wore on.

It's unfathomable to think he doesn't love me. With all the time we spent together, all the feelings we've had. But how can he if he just lets me go? It doesn't make sense!

Akira doesn't seem privy to discussing these events and neither am I. We spend the rest of the car ride in silence.

Cold, miserable silence
=========================================================================
We have to stay at the Hakamichi residence while we wait for our boarding time. As rude as our Uncle Jigoro can be, he still happily opens up his home for us whenever he can.

We sit around the dinner table, eating the last meal I will have in Japan for a long time.

"So, how has my ignorant whelp of a brother been these days?" Jigoro asks annoyedly.

"He's fine. He's ecstatic at having his long lost daughters coming home." Akira answers dryly.

"He's a coward." Jigoro begins ranting again, "refusing to raise his disabled daughter." Now his words hit me like a baseball bat. Him and Akira have shared the same mentality about our parents, Jigoro continues proudly, "I not only raised my crippled daughter at home, I turned her into one of the best students at her school. Hahaha!" He pounds the table to emphasize his point, making me wince considerably.

"We're giving up a lot to live with him. We were both really entrenched in our lives. Both of us even had boyfriends," Akira puts a little too much emphasis on the 'had' portion. The sadness in her voice makes me feel even worse.

"Hah! Leave it to the Satou family to give up those they love for the good of the family," I feel like I've been kicked in the gut, even Akira makes a grunt of disapproval.

"You seem sad" a quiet voice to my right announces. I had almost forgotten about Hideaki. "Your expression is quite downcast, and you're usually always smiling," Hideaki's so perceptive, "Even if the smile is fake."

Too perceptive.

"It's ok Hideaki, I'm just tired from the cab ride and dreading the plane," I put on my familiar smile, pushing to make this one as genuine as possible.

"No, something's wrong," Damn it, he doesn't know when to quit, "I wanna know what it is," You are far too much like your sister Hideaki, plowing forward with no respect to others.

"Eh? What's troubling you Lilly?" Akira asks tentatively.

"I'm ok, I was just thinking about someone."

"You speak in ambiguities? Insolence! Clarify yourself!" Jigoro's yelling again, his anger always gets the better of him.

Somewhere inside me, a dull flame begins burning. I sigh, might as well tell him, "I was thinking about my boyfr...former boyfriend," I correct myself, "he's very special to me, and I left a lot of questions unanswered."

"Well if this boy of yours is so special then where is he? Why are you going away instead of staying with him?" Jigoro plows ahead, unphased by my attempts at dodging the question.

He's about as subtle as a freight train, I think to myself sadly, with the tact to match.

"I don't know." I reply meekly. The fire inside begins to grow, spreading to my extremities.

"Foolish girl. If you've told him you wanted to stay with him and he doesn't want you, why are you still thinking about him?"

Controlling my response, I answer, "I love him." And it's as true as the first time I said it. The fire then engulfs my heart.
No

I didn't do that. There's no way.

Nonononono!

I really am an idiot.

" If he knows you want to stay with him, he would have stopped you. If he loved you, he would have..."

I slam my hands on the table, shaking the silver and glassware, "SHUT UP! " I scream at him

"I loved him...no, I LOVE him! But he doesn't feel that way for me, I know he would have stopped me if he did. I've been a complete idiot. " The fire is spewing out of my mouth, engulfing those around it in its fury.

"The last thing I need right now is a lecture from YOU!" I snarl at him.

The sheer silence of the table is deafening. As I slow my breathing I realize what it is that I've done.

Overcome by the humiliation of yelling at my esteemed Uncle, I drop my head in shame. "I'm.....sorry," is all I can manage to squeak out. I'm barely holding back tears

There's a pause.

"Lilly..." It's Jigoro's voice but it has a tone that I've never heard before, "don't be like that. I'm sorry, I crossed a line."

Even in my miserably angry state, I recognize how large of a moment this is.

"My brother has done some questionable things and....he gets me angry. I've never even seen you frown before, and to see you like this...it's surprising."

I excuse myself quickly and race to my room. His apology sent me over the edge, the last thing I ever expected was kindness from him.

As soon as the door is shut I begin to weep uncontrollably.

I'm an idiot

Such an idiot.

I'm SUCH an idiot.

I continued to fret about Hisao not telling me that he wanted me to stay. It was such a large factor in my mind that I realized one vital piece of information.

He didn't know that I WANTED to stay.

The secrecy, the fact that I accepted the summons, and all my subsequent actions all inaccurately conveyed my intentions. It made me look like I wanted to leave.

And what did I do to assuage that? A half-hearted suggestion that we could pursue a long distance relationship.

As I sob with increasing magnitude into my pillow, I hear the door open. Someone sits next to me on the bed.

"Hey Lils," Akira begins to rub my back, "Wanna talk about what's the matter?"

I turn to her, "I never told him I didn't want to go, I never told him I wanted to stay with him," I bury my face into her chest as I continue to sob, "He didn't know, that's why he didn't stop me."

"Lilly, listen to me." Akira brings me level to her face, "If you want we don't have to do this. You can stay here."

I sniff, "No Akira. I missed my chance. If I cancel the trip, go back, and he rejects me then I'll be sunk. Mother and Father will be angry, I'll be ashamed, and nothing will be gained. Even if he does return my love, I can't go back on our parents. Not now..."

Akira sight, "Well, then here's what I'm thinking. If he really wanted you to stay, he would have stopped you."

The words are shocking to hear so bluntly. I expected this from Jigoro but not her. She continues "All this crying and sobbing is going to get you nowhere. The best thing for you to do is realize that you can either forget about him and move on, or stay stuck in the past."

"I'm going to finish packing before we go." She leans down and grabs my chin, "I know it's tough, but we're Satou. We're gonna get through this no matter what. No man is gonna bring us down."

I smile at her. "Thanks Akira, I...I think I needed to hear that." She then gets up and strides out of the room.

Thinking on her words, I realize that she's right. All this bellyaching will get me nowhere. It's time to live my life, with Hisao or not.

With a renewed spring in my step, I begin packing everything into my bag. As my fingers curl around the edges of the box I find, I realize what it is.

I open the box.

As renewed sobs wrack my body, I know one thing is for sure.

I'm never going to forget this.

Next
Last edited by centurion911 on Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6021
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Feb 26, 2013 4:04 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I have to admit that I'm not too fond of reading fanfictions that simply retell the original story from another PoV. It can be an interesting experiment for a scene or two but not for a whole path.
Especially since the purpose of this one seems to be to portray Lilly in a more positive light than she was in the VN... That's my first impression anyway. We'll see if the prediction comes true as your story progresses. I might keep reading just to find out ;-)
I love him. That I do know. I love him so much my heart aches for his touch every second I am away. That's all fine and peachy except for one tiny detail.

He doesn't love me back.

I've given him every sign, allowed him every single chance. I've done everything short of asking him to tell me not to go, and he hasn't. He didn't even let me make the decision. When we discussed the subject at the Shanghai, he never asked if I was going or not, he just assumed I was and, for all intents and purposes, he broke up with me there. He can't show such little care for me while loving me. He can't love me. He CAN'T.
Theory confirmed. Stopped reading there.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
OtakuNinja
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:42 pm
Location: Sweden
Contact:

Re: Hokkaido+Finale-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/25) NEW I

Post by OtakuNinja » Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:16 am

"Lilly..." It's Jigoro's voice but it has a tone that I've never heard before, "don't be like that. I'm sorry, I crossed a line."
See this? It's my feels. :arrow: :cry: :D
Image
Emibro, Hanabro, [Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

Plague
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:27 pm

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

Post by Plague » Tue Feb 26, 2013 2:40 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote: Theory confirmed. Stopped reading there.
Unfortunately :/

After reading this, I cannot really add it to my continuations, because Lilly is just OOC for me here. As long as you only added some internal thought to the canon story, it was great for me, but now (and I'm not saying you wrote it badly, the form is OK) it went wrong.

I was actually hoping to see the moment when Lilly chose to go to Scotland (that's why I was so eager for more Lilly PoV of act4), yet here it looks like she wanted to stay and was all weak bout it. KS made the impression that she firmly set her mind on going (even if for all the wrong reasons you write about).
I dunno, maybe it's just me wanting it to go differently, as I said as fanfiction there is nothing wrong with the form or anything.

User avatar
centurion911
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:49 am

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

Post by centurion911 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 2:57 pm

Plague wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote: Theory confirmed. Stopped reading there.
Unfortunately :/

After reading this, I cannot really add it to my continuations, because Lilly is just OOC for me here. As long as you only added some internal thought to the canon story, it was great for me, but now (and I'm not saying you wrote it badly, the form is OK) it went wrong.

I was actually hoping to see the moment when Lilly chose to go to Scotland (that's why I was so eager for more Lilly PoV of act4), yet here it looks like she wanted to stay and was all weak bout it. KS made the impression that she firmly set her mind on going (even if for all the wrong reasons you write about).
I dunno, maybe it's just me wanting it to go differently, as I said as fanfiction there is nothing wrong with the form or anything.
The impression I got was that Lilly didn't want to go at all but would never confront her parents about it. If Hisao wanted her to stay she would have, but without him showing it, she had no reason to stay. Hisao may have said "I love you" to her, but he never fought her decision or pressed her to see what was wrong. It was pretty obvious that Lilly never said she actually wanted to go. When asked about it she alluded to Akira and her parents wanting her there but she never said she WANTED to go.

It seems to me like she wanted to be with Hisao and Hanako, she didn't want her life to change. But if there's no reciprocation, why would she stay? Her choice always seemed like one born out of necessity opposed to preference.

Post Reply