Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)

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centurion911
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Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)

Post by centurion911 » Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:40 am

I have decided to write portions of the Lilly route through her eyes.

See below
centurion911 wrote:I have made a couple of decisions regarding this.

1. Writing in the story dialogue is cumbersome and affecting my ability as a writer (it's fatiguing so my work depreciates). So I will only write the scene from when Lilly leaves via car up to the Hospital scene.

2. I will focus on writing epilogues for her and Hisao once I am done. Creating my own content is both more enjoyable and much easier (I can do it at work without having the game open). I'm gonna end up writing some 1-shots/scenes/possibly routes of Hisao and other characters (Misha, Hanako, Suzu, Saki, or Miki are ones that interest me) once I am done with this as well. With luck, part one of the final scene will be up within the next 3 days.
If anyone has any questions as to why I make certain creative decisions, why I'm writing this, who the heck I am, etc, feel free to ask here and I will answer :) Now I present to you my story

Hokkaido
Part 1 (See below)
Part 2 Here
Part 3 Here
====================================

Saying Goodbye (Finale)
Part 1 Here
Part 2 Here
====================================================================
No one talks as we walk up to the Satou summerhouse.

Hanako and Hisao appear to be taking in the surroundings while I have come to a silent decision.

I have to tell her.

It's unfair to Hisao and it's unfair to Hanako if I don't say something. I couldn't lead them on, no one deserves that, especially not my friends.

Hisao's voice breaks my train of thought

"Wow, it's amazing out here..."

"Mm, it's wonderful," Hanako agrees.

I feel a slight smile form on my lips, "That's nice to hear. While Akira may have said that she's kept the house in reasonable condition, I was worried we had different standards of 'reasonable'."

Oh Akira. She had suggested I take these two out here to break the news of my parent's summons. Though I readily accepted the offer, I have no intentions of telling them anything now. To ruin a perfectly fine weekend vacation would be nonsensical.

"It looks like there isn't another soul for miles. I thought Akira would be the type to keep to the city."

I furrow my brow at him. There's another reason Akira would want to be alone out here with her boyfriend, Hisao.

Covering for my facial expression, I answer "Hmm, from memory there's a town not too far ahead. Other than that though, this is largely just old farmland"

Taking his silence as acceptance, I continue "Akira and I stayed in our parents' house which was near the city for a while, but after they left we decided to move to a smaller, more easily maintainable house."

"To find a place like this in Japan nowadays...It's kinda anachrostic".

"Well, this town does have quite a bit of history." I smile to punctuate the end of my sentence. It never hurts to leave a little ambiguity.

I hear Hisao's feet shuffle as he says his next sentence. "Shall we go in, then? I'm parched"

"It was a long walk to get here" Hanako agrees. I can hear her hair swish as she nods her head vigorously.

I nod as we enter the house. As Hanako and Hisao explore, I take some time to reacquaint myself with its layout. Taking three steps to the right, I place my hand out and gently touch the wall.

Right where I remember it.

Memories flood in as I recall where everything is. Walking slowly down the hall, I can remember dancing with Akira in this very room. She had taught me how to dance at a young age. She said that when I began attending co-ed schools I would have to beat the suitors off with a stick.

Inwardly I laugh. I was beating off suitors far before that. Lost in my past, I hear Hisao's voice right behind me

"Where should we put our bags?"

"I'll show Hanako our bedroom. You can put yours here, if you like"

"You mean I don't have the same bedroom as you two?" I detect a hint of cheekiness as he speaks.

I place my head in my hand. How I would love that, but it would be very improper, especially with both Hanako and I being in the same room.

"Oh my, how bold" I reply with a distinct smile.

"Hold on, if I'm to leave my bags here, where will I be sleeping?"

"Well, seeing as we lack a guest bedroom..."

I can hear his shoulders drop "The comfortable futon, huh?"

I put on my best apology face "Sorry Hisao".

"I guess there's no other choice" he sighs.

Hisao leaves, presumably to explore the house a bit more. As I begin to take Hanako up the stairs I hear the television flicker on. Listening closer, I hear Hisao's breathing become slower and slower until it's a rhythmic in-out.

Perfect, he's asleep. Now to address my main concern.

As Hanako enters the bedroom I hear her suitcase unzip as she sits on the bed. I hold up my hand to signal that I want to talk.

"Hanako..." How can I put this? "I know that you like Hisao."

I hear her drop something. "I-I-I k-know you l-l-like him too. B-but..."

I hold up my hand again and continue, "You've been holding back around him, allowing me to take the lead."

I sit on the bed and sigh, "I just wanted you to know that you can stop holding back. I've decided to back off of Hisao."

I can hear her doing something , but I'm not completely sure what.

"I know you like him and I don't want to stand in between you two, he'd be happy with you. I know he likes you"

I can hear the sound much clearer now. She's shaking her head.

My voice wavers, "I just want you two to be happy, and he couldn't be happy with me."

"N-N-NO!!" I jump as Hanako almost shouts.

"Y-you d-don't see h-how he l-looks at you. T-the way he h-hangs on y-your every word."

I hear her rise "I d-do like him, b-but I KNOW he wants you, and y-you want him."

I sigh again and stare at the floor, "Hanako, this is how it has to be. I promise you, he'll be happier with you."

I hear her walk to the window "L-Lilly...Y-you don't understand. Y-you two were m-made for each other. I-I...I don't want to talk about this".

I feel miserable as we unpack our bags in silence. The tension in the air is incredibly thick, I feel like I'm suffocating.

Finally, I whisper, "Let's talk more after this trip. For now, just forget I said anything."

"O-ok Lilly".
==============================
Hanako and I decide to feign ignorance of our conversation. If we're going to be alone together for 3 days, I'd rather have the stay be pleasurable

As we come down the stairs, we find that Hisao is still passed out on the couch.

Walking into the living room, I hear him mumble "No, I want the fruit salad Kenji". 'What a silly man' I think as I smile warmly

I busy myself with making dinner while Hanako finishes looking through the house.

After eating, Hisao still isn't up. I hear him say "No, no. Not the feminist guerilla squad."

With Hanako and I failing to stifle the giggles, we decide to wake him up.

"Hisao" Hanako says

I hear Hisao stirring as he sits up.

"You found the television, then"

"Yeah, it really does feel nice and homey here." He sounds halfway between sleepy and content

His compliment makes me smile "I'm glad you like it." I giggle slightly, remember his sleep talking "You were already out like a light when we came back from unpacking our things, so we didn't have the heart to wake you sooner.

"There's some dinner waiting for you in the kitchen," Hanako says as she yawns a deep yawn.

"My my, are you tired?".

"Ah, mm. I didn't get much sleep last night".

"I'm pretty tired too. It was a long walk up here, and it's getting late." Hisao agrees.

I can hear her pivoting to face him as he talks. She's really right for him, they deserve each other. They'd be happy together. He could never be with me, someone who could decide to walk out of his life at the drop of a hat, answering the call of a past life.

Oh, they're expecting an answer. "If that's the case, I suppose we should retire for the night. Good night, Hisao." I smile and bow to him.

"Good night."

"'Night."
============================
Next morning I wake up a little late. Groaning, I stretch and lift myself from the bed. Sleepily I reorient myself.

I'm at Hokkaido with my best friend and the man I'm hopelessly in love with.

The man I can never be with.

With that information unhappily clunking around in my head, I swing out of bed and proceed to get dressed. The lack of breathing in the room informs me that Hanako is already out of bed.

I finish dressing and walk down the stairs. The light footsteps to my right tell me that Hanako is walking around the house, and the heavy breathing to my left informs me that Hisao is still asleep.

Hanako hears me coming down and walks over to me.

"Is he still sleeping?" she asks

"I think so."

At that last sentence I hear Hisao's breath hitch and then continue. He's definitely awake now, but he's not getting up.

"It's getting late in the morning" Hanako sighs. If Hanako doesn't know he's awake then Hisao hasn't opened his eyes. Crafty

"He likely stayed up to watch television. I could hear it from our bedroom."

"Should we wake him?"

I think I know what I need to do. I want to be close to him, if only this once. " No, we should leave him. I doubt he'd want to be woken early if he didn't get much sleep during the night." I hear Hisao let out a slightly deeper breath, almost gratuitously, "Besides, he sounds so peaceful. It would be a shame to wake him when he's like this."

"Um..." Hanako appears to disagree.

"Hanako" I say quickly "could you go to the fridge and fish out what's needed to make lunch?"

"All right" she perks up at the mention of cooking "just the vegetables and the rice?"

"Mm, that should be enough. We only need something simple, as we can eat in town later."

As Hanako leaves the room, I sit down near Hisao. With my hand trembling, I slowly place it on his heart./

Thump
Tha-Thump
Thump
Tha-Thump

It's nice to feel his heart, as odd a beat as it is, and it's nice to feel him. We stay like this for what could be hours, what could be seconds. I want to be near him. I want to wake him up every day. I want to rely on him the same way he relies on me. I want this moment to continue on forever.

I withdraw my hand.

The more I think like this, the harder pushing him away will be. "Good morning Hisao" I say cheerily, plastering on my distinct smile.

"How'd you know?" he replies groggily. I feel the couch shift as he sits up.

"Your breathing was off" I reply smugly.

Dropping my smile and transitioning into lecture more, I say "If you want to sleep more, you should really get to sleep earlier. I heard the television going long into the night".

"Sorry about that. My medications have been interfering with my sleep for a while now. Even if I'm tired I have trouble sleeping."

Oh no. How could I have been so stupid. Why would I assume that he just stayed up for the hell of it? I know he hates talking about his condition. Sometimes I forget that he's at Yamaku for a reason. Stupid stupid.

I drop my gaze "I'm...sorry for bringing it up Hisao."

He contemplates for a second before saying "Come on, you worry about me more than I do sometimes. It just means I have to sleep a bit longer, that's all".

"But still...."

"I'd say I look absolutely fine, but I guess that wouldn't have a lot of meaning for you," He lets out a nervous chuckle.

I sigh in exasperation, giving way to a chuckle after. If he's able to be lighthearted about my blindness, I suppose I could leave some of the worrying up to him. Not all of it, just some.

I smile genuinely at him, "If you say so, please do take care of yourself Hisao." I whisper, the last bit more of a request than a reprimand.

"Go on," I hear his hand shooing me "Hanako could use some help."

I want to make a remark about putting women in the kitchen, but decide that he didn't mean it like that. I place my hand on the hallway wall and slowly walk into the kitchen.

As I walk into the kitchen, Hanako walks over to me and hands me a cabbage. "C-could you help me cut this?"

I nod and smile, pulling out a knife from the drawer and slowly begin chopping up the lettuce.

As I cut I begin thinking about Hisao.

I really did like listening to his heartbeat. Maybe I could find an excuse to do that more often. To be that close to him, it's exactly what I want.

But I can't do that. If I'm backing off Hisao and, no matter what he or I want, I can't pursue intimate moments with him. The thought of not being close to him again brings frown to my face

I'm so lost in thought that I jump when a familiar voice greets me.

"Is that Hisa-ahh!"

Pain shoots into my finger from where I sliced it. Damn it, I should have known he was going to follow us in.

He hurries over to me, "What's...ah." He sees the blood then.

"Lilly!" Hanako's worried tone upsets me.

"Don't worry Hanako," I reply hiding my pain, "It's just a small wound."

"You should still get a band-aid on it, at least until it stops bleeding. First aid stuff would be in the bathroom right?"

"I think so" Does he want to treat my wound? Well, how can I say no?, "will you be ok here Hanako?"

Hisao gingerly takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom.

Is this leading him on? I said I was going to stop this. I even told Hanako that she could make a move on him and yet here I am, happily accepting his offer to pamper me when I could have easily done this myself.

I hear the rustling of items. After some time I hear him walk over to me.

"Okay, hold still. This will probably hurt a bit"

I keep my hand held out as he dabs it.

"Ah!" That stuff BURNS!

"What? I've barely touched it." With him and I spending so much time together, even like this, my nerves are just on edge.

"Sorry..."

He sighs. You don't know what I'm really sorry for though. I'm sorry for leading you on like this, I just wish everything was different.

"I would tell you to man up, but I really can't do that."

I can't help but giggle at his odd sense of humor. He really knows how to bring a girl's mood up.

He takes the cotton pad away from my hand. Smooth Hisao, do it while I was distracted.

"There, finished. You can move now."

Smiling warmly, I reply "Thank you". Thanks for the help, thanks for making me laugh, thanks for just being there.

"It's no problem. It's the least I can do after causing you to hurt yourself after all."

Embarassed I look down. He didn't really make me hurt myself. He surprised me when I was deep in thought. Though I was thinking about him. Does that mean it was his fault after all?

"I really don't mind." I hear myself say.

The truth is that I truly don't mind. I would slice my fingers all day if it meant I was able to spend more time with him.

.....

I have got to stop thinking like this

Next
Last edited by centurion911 on Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:16 pm, edited 14 times in total.

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OtakuNinja
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by OtakuNinja » Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:26 am

An awesome fanfic, I think you should continue. :D
If Hanako doesn't know he's asleep then Hisao hasn't opened his eyes.
This is the only typo I found. :)
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by BansheeVer.Ka » Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:21 am

Can't wait for the rest of it!!

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centurion911
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by centurion911 » Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:06 pm

BansheeVer.Ka wrote:Can't wait for the rest of it!!
OtakuNinja wrote:An awesome fanfic, I think you should continue. :D
If Hanako doesn't know he's asleep then Hisao hasn't opened his eyes.
This is the only typo I found. :)
Thanks guys. I'll be finding some time to write more when I can.

And thanks for catching that :p just changed it

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by Kitsune Spirit » Wed Feb 13, 2013 6:55 pm

Umm... asleep is not a typo. It's one word, not two. There's another word that is commonly misspelled as one word, but is actually two... a- something... can't think of it right now. But asleep is one word. :)

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by StudyOfWumbology » Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:21 pm

Kitsune Spirit wrote:Umm... asleep is not a typo. It's one word, not two. There's another word that is commonly misspelled as one word, but is actually two... a- something... can't think of it right now. But asleep is one word. :)
I do believe you are thinking of a lot
Things happen. For the best or for the worst we do not know.

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by OtakuNinja » Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:29 pm

Kitsune Spirit wrote:Umm... asleep is not a typo. It's one word, not two. There's another word that is commonly misspelled as one word, but is actually two... a- something... can't think of it right now. But asleep is one word. :)
He wrote 'asleep' when it should've been 'awake'. ;)
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by Plague » Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:00 pm

Nicely written, really. I was kind of afraid to read this as I am a huge Lilly-worshipper, but everything is done is a way that does not clash with my thinking of the story.

Except since this is a Lilly-arc I do not think that Hanako really has the hots for Hisao, because this a different Hanako (than in Hanako-arc) so I'd think she only likes him as a friend. It would be great if she told Lilly exactly that the following morning when she takes her outside.
Otherwise it would mean that Hanako not really appearing much in Act 4 is because of a broken heart and that would make me to sad to read.

Of course the story is yours so don't take me too seriously if you don't want to about this ;)

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by centurion911 » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:05 pm

Plague wrote:Nicely written, really. I was kind of afraid to read this as I am a huge Lilly-worshipper, but everything is done is a way that does not clash with my thinking of the story.

Except since this is a Lilly-arc I do not think that Hanako really has the hots for Hisao, because this a different Hanako (than in Hanako-arc) so I'd think she only likes him as a friend. It would be great if she told Lilly exactly that the following morning when she takes her outside.
Otherwise it would mean that Hanako not really appearing much in Act 4 is because of a broken heart and that would make me to sad to read.

Of course the story is yours so don't take me too seriously if you don't want to about this ;)
I can see where your concern lies.

Fret not though, I have my own reasons for Lilly telling Hanako she'll back off Hisao and how I will play off Hanako's feelings. I believe that Hanako has a crush on Hisao (the same way I believe all the girls that have romance arcs in the story have a crush on Hisao) but does not pursue it because she can tell that Hisao wants Lilly.

Hanako doesn't appear a lot in act 4 in general, but that's not because of a broken heart. I have most of the plot in my head figured out ;) now I just need to put it in words. With some luck I'll have the next part up by tomorrow night, if not tonight.

EDIT: I am not very good at explaining the thoughts in my head so let me use a story to do it instead. In middle school I had a crush on a girl. I thought she was cute and she had a lot of the same interests as me. We hung out in the same group and she ended up dating my best friend. Though I would have loved to date her, I was very happy to see her with a good guy and was also happy to see both of them happy. I harbored no ill will towards this. This is how I believe Hanako feels.

Oddly enough I'm dating that girl right now, but don't worry. I don't have plans for Hanako to take Hisao away from Lilly ;)
Last edited by centurion911 on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by Oddball » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:29 pm

Not quite how I saw things going, but still nicely written.
Not Dead Yet

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centurion911
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by centurion911 » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:37 pm

Oddball wrote:Not quite how I saw things going, but still nicely written.
Thank you! And that's ok! We all have a different interpretation of events. This is mine :)

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by TonyTwoFingers » Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:57 pm

Okay, boring stuff out of the way first:
centurion911 wrote:"To find a place like this in Japan nowadays...It's kinda anachrostic".
I believe the word you're thinking of is "anachronistic". I could be wrong though, so take that with a grain of salt.
centurion911 wrote:As I inwardly laugh. I was beating off suitors far before that. I hear Hisao's voice right behind me
This bit was a tad confusing to me, and I feel as though you shuffled the sentence around while you were editing it. Should be an easy enough fix.

You're missing some punctuation towards the second half, but that's kind of nitpicking, isn't it?

Really enjoying it so far. It's well-written, and an interesting interpretation. Looking forward to more!

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by centurion911 » Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:58 pm

TonyTwoFingers wrote:Okay, boring stuff out of the way first:



I believe the word you're thinking of is "anachronistic". I could be wrong though, so take that with a grain of salt.
You're probably right. I copied the dialogue right out of the scene but I may have spelled the word wrong. I will check when I get home.

TonyTwoFingers wrote:This bit was a tad confusing to me, and I feel as though you shuffled the sentence around while you were editing it. Should be an easy enough fix.

You're missing some punctuation towards the second half, but that's kind of nitpicking, isn't it?

Really enjoying it so far. It's well-written, and an interesting interpretation. Looking forward to more!
Thank you! I fixed that and added a little bit to make the sentence flow a bit better. You were correct in your previous assessment though, it did get jumbled after an edit.

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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by OtakuNinja » Thu Feb 14, 2013 4:58 am

centurion911 wrote:
Plague wrote:Except since this is a Lilly-arc I do not think that Hanako really has the hots for Hisao, because this a different Hanako.
I believe that Hanako has a crush on Hisao (the same way I believe all the girls that have romance arcs in the story have a crush on Hisao) but does not pursue it because she can tell that Hisao wants Lilly.
I always got the feeling Hanako liked Hisao in Lilly's route, and that's why Lilly wants to talk to her after the confession. :)
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Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Post by centurion911 » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:11 am

Rummaging around in the cellar, I finally find what I was looking for.

Oh alcohol, my one true vice. Washes away all the problems and leaves nothing but calm.

Returning to the dining room, I brandish the bottle of wine to my housemates. I hear Hisao groan.

"Alcohol? Seriously?"

As I reach the table, I turn to him and grin.

"Akira specifically gave permission to take a bottle from her collection."

Hisao sighs, his disapproval as clear as day.

"That's not the problem. I don't really have any qualms with it, but didn't you have a bad experience last time?"

Bad experience? If you want to call receiving a music box and getting to kiss you a bad experience, sure, it was terrible. Drinking reminds me of that day, how happy you make me.

"Last time was probably due to drinking too much, so a single glass shouldn't prove a problem," my smile widens "Think of it as a learning experience."

Hisao just can't seem to give it up. "I can't recall many learning experiences that made me feel rotten before putting me to sleep, but I'll take your word for it."

He's just being a spoilsport. I'm going to need a bit of liquid courage if I want to tell Hisao and Hanako to be with each other.

The meal passes in silence, the food being too good to waste time talking. No matter how good the food is, though, I can't stop thinking about the task at hand.

Hanako likes him and I'm sure Hisao has some feelings for her. Even if he likes me, even if I love him...

No

It has to be this way.

If I love Hisao then I should let him be with someone who won't leave. Someone who can make him happy, who's not setting him up for heartbreak. I haven't felt like this in a while, not since.....him.

Some time later I hear Hisao slump back into his seat, "I'm stuffed".

"I think I must be as well," I say with genuine cheer. It really was good, "Did you like it Hanako?"

"Mm, it was nice"

"Now that we're fed, shall we be off?" I say as I rise from my seat.

"Off? Where?" Hisao asks. Oh drat.

"Ah, you weren't privy to the discussion Hanako and I had earlier."

"We'll be going into town nearby," I hear a tinge of excitement in Hanako's voice. Despite her nervousness around crowds, she's still a girl when it comes to shopping.

"Sounds good. How long's the walk in then?" Hisao sounds dismayed at the prospect of shopping. I bet he already knows what his job will be.

I smile to myself as I speak "It's supposed to be around a mile to mile and a half"

"Nearby huh? Great."

In that mile I'm supposed to tell you how I can't be with you.

Yeah, just great.
====================

Tap
Step
Tap
Step

I always keep a steady rhythm when I walk. This way I can allow my mind to wander without worrying about paying attention. Any deviation to my rhythm will be readily apparent.

The country really feels beautiful. There's a light breeze and a serene smell that Yamaku doesn't have. I'm not that particular to the sound of birds, they can get a bit loud, but nature in general is enjoyable.

We make idle chitchat. He seems to be inquiring a lot about the town. I don't think he's very used to nature. The thought makes me smile. Hisao is always cute when he's out of his element. It's what initially attracted me to him.

Deciding to use this opportunity to learn a bit more about him, I inquire "So Hisao, have you ever been to Hokkaido before?"

"Nah, I used to live down south, and we never had any field trips or holidays up this far."

There's quite a few cities down south. If he's a city slicker then all this nature must give him quite the shock.

"Well it's a new experience for you then," I smile brightly.

"Yeah it is. I'm surprised how nice it feels here." Hisao turns to talk to Hanako as I begin to think.

I'm glad he likes it here. We can come out here whenever he likes, just the two of us.

Oh

Being with him like this makes it easy to forget my parental situation. And I could never invite him to a vacation for two if I were just his friend. It would be improper.

So very improper.

Maybe I should wait until we're on the way back to break the bad news.

Yeah, I think I'll do that.

I hear Hisao take a deep breath. His breathing has been quite erratic lately. It sounds like he's dragging his feet. Perhaps he's tired?

"Could you hold on a moment?" Oh no, is he ok? "I just need to..."

I cut him off, "Is anything wrong?"

"Nah, I've just got pins and needles in my..."

His voice catches. Perhaps he's thinking?

"Hisao?"

"I'm fine, I'm...fine. Just... tired...".

There's too many pauses for this to be normal. He's speaking so slow. And his breathing. What could possibly be...?

No

No no no no no.

Hisao's body hits the ground with a sickening thud.

"Hisa-AAAHHH!!" Hanako yells as she runs to him.

"Hisao?! Hanako, tell me what's going on,' I begin hyperventilating, "Hanako tell me!"

Is he dying? He's not making noise or moving. Hanako's not making any sounds either.

Please god no, he can't die. I can't lose him too. Hisao...

"Hisao?!" It takes all the effort in the world to keep from screaming.

"I'm fine, Lilly. I'm...fine".

Relief cascades over me. He's alive, he's here.

He's not leaving.

Collecting myself, I make one final decision.

"I think we should go back," I say solemnly.

"I...fine" Hisao replies angrily.
=============================================

Hisao took his pills and went to sleep a while ago. Hanako reacted just as bad as I did, so I put on my fake smile, told her everything was going to be fine, and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Now I'm sitting in his room just listening to him.

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out

He's sounded normal for the past hour, but I can't stop listening to him.

That incident was a grim reminder to why he's at Yamaku. It showed me that he could be gone at the drop of a hat.

I walk over to the screen door, push it open, and step outside. I used to do this all the time, walk through the wheat field and think. This used to be my thinking place.

I've pondered school, work, life, my parents.

Him.

My first love, my tutor. Kitaro. He was so nice to me, so caring at a time where both Akira and my parents weren't there. I fell head over heels for him at such a young age.

But it was in this field that I decided I would never tell him. That I would never act on my feelings because it could never work.

It was on this field that I made the decision that would haunt my life.

Could I make that same decision again?

The crunching of wheat behinds me tells me I have a visitor.

"Lilly?" All I can do is nod. My body turned away from him.

"Where's Hanako?" Ever the gentleman. He cares so much about his friends.

"She's in bed. She went to sleep after I calmed her down."

I can't talk to him, but I have to. My heart is in my throat. Can I really let him go? I feel so weak, so unsure.

"What's wrong Lilly. You're not acting like you usually do."

"Remember when I talked of my family Hisao?"

"Your family..." He pauses, recalling lost memories, "After Hanako's birthday party?"

I nod "It was nice ....back then. You and I, celebrating Hanako's birthday. Simply sharing presents, talking, having fun. It was almost as if we were a family, a small, misshapen family."

Can I lose him too?

"I thought that could go on forever. Just the three of us, happily together."

I'm not making the same mistake twice.

"Even if my family was so far away...as long as we were together, that was all I needed. I don't want to lose you Hisao. I didn't even realize how afraid I was of losing someone else until today. Until..." As I speak these words I know in my heart that they are correct. I've already lost my parents, I'm losing Akira. Kitaro was lost, but that was by my own doing. I can't do it again.

"I'm sorry Lilly. I know my body's weak, but even then I make the most stupid of mistakes."

"Don't apologize...please don't apologize."

"Lilly...?"

The tears are flowing freely now. Blindly I reach out and step towards him. I just want to be near him, to touch him. Feel his heartbeat. I want to be with him more than anything right now.

He meets me halfway, and I sob tears of sadness and joy into his chest. My emotions flowing out of me, I say the only thing on my mind.

"I love you Hisao. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!" I cry out, the words feeling like honey as they finally leave my mouth, "Don't go away, never go away. I love you, so please!"

There's a long pause before I hear his sweet, tender voice.

"You idiot."

"Hisao?" I freeze, every muscle in my body tenses as I brace for what comes next.

"I said it before didn't I? It's only natural to feel concerned about those around you. I'm still here and I'll always be here. I want to see more of you each day, to share in your happiness, to support you in your sadness..."

I shake harder as I hold my breath, "But most of all, I'll still be here because I want to see your smile. Your true smile."

He pauses

"Smile when you want to smile. Cry when you want to cry. I love you Lilly, so you don't have to hold back anymore."

Any resistance I had melts away as I sob into his chest and pull him as close to me as I can.

"Hisao! Hisao! Hisao!" I cry in joy

"It's ok Lilly, I'll never go away," he calmly promises.

He leads me inside, both of us holding each other as tight as possible.

We sit on the sofa

"Thank you Hisao, for returning my feelings." I never knew how much I cared about him until this very moment.

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

I think back to him calling me an idiot, "There was a possibility" I say with a wry smile.

"It's funny actually. I was thinking about telling you my feelings sometime soon. I guess you saved me the effort."

I laugh a little. Inwardly I'm uproarious. How could I have ever pushed this man away?

"You are thoughtful Hisao, it's why I like you"

"I'm sorry I'm like this. As much as I didn't want to make you concerned for me, there was nothing I could do to prevent it."

Hisao...

"Don't apologize for this. Please don't. Have I ever apologized for my blindness, even once? You can't help the way you were born Hisao. There's no point in apologizing for who you are."

He's so hard on himself, he doesn't want people to worry or pity him. I slowly move my hand to his face, feeling every contour.

"You're a beautiful person Hisao. Please don't ever apologize for that."

He kisses me on my forehead, the touch of his lips sending shockwaves through my body.

"We're a couple of old fools aren't we?" Hisao playfully asks.

"We are" I reply with a tremendous smile.

I want to be near him right now. I can't stand it anymore. I just want to feel his touch, his skin.

I want...

"Hisao? I wouldn't mind if we...we..." I pause, he holds my hand.

"Lilly..." He answers, acceptingly. I bring my hand up to his face.

"Please." I need him right now.

I feel him give one slow nod, "Okay" he says happily.

I lean forward and kiss him. "I love you Hisao." I lean back in, kissing him again.

This one is different. My thoughts are beginning to cloud as our tongues dance. Breathing heavily, we separate again.

"Should we...get more comfortable?" If I was thinking I would probably be blushing.

"Ahm, O-okay." He takes my hand and guides me down to the floor. As he reaches out to me I stop him.

"You're shaking".

"Uh, I guess I am"

"So you're as nervous as I am then" I ask, feeling relieved.

"Sorry, it's my first time, so I'm a bit..." I cut him off with a soft giggle, this one of joy.

"It's the same for me, I'm happy...we could share this together."

He reaches out and hugs me, "I love you Lilly"

"You already said that," I reply teasingly.

We strip in front of each other, not that it matters much for me. As I peel off my undergarments I hear nothing from my side. Oh my, I'm not going to make him have another heart attack am I?

We lean into a deep kiss, and I motion for him to join me on the floor.

Slowly I stroke his hair as I commit his entire body to memory. His broad shoulders, thin chest, toned physique.

I pause as I feel a deep recess in front of his heart.

"This is..." I trail off

"The scar from my surgery. They had to do it in order to operate on my heart."

I'm completely at a loss for words. Not once did I stop to consider his condition, nor did I realize it was that bad.

"Should we, really be doing this kind of thing?" I ask reluctantly. My face breaks down into a mix of worry and sadness.

"It's ok Lilly, This much will be ok," He says it with such confidence. Almost like he's challenging his heart.

I comply with a tinge of apprehension. Moving my hand down his stomach, down his thigh.

Down

"Th..This is...?"

"Yeah"

I slowly begin stroking him, moving up and down his contour. I can feel him relax and his hand cups my cheek. It's a romantic gesture, one that I appreciate.

Slowly time passes as we continue on. I'm so tense I feel like I'm suffocating. I want to be with him right now, I want all of him.

"Hisao..." I ask breathily, unable to finish my request.

"Okay" he replies warmly, his hand nuzzling my face.

I push him to the side and maneuver on top of him. Sliding my hips back and downward, I slowly push into him. With every passing inch I can feel my body tense up more. I grimace in pain. Failing to stifle a moan, I dig my nails into his chest.

"Lilly, if it's too much..."

No Hisao. No no no no. I shake my head voraciously. I want this. I need this.

My body relaxes "I...it's ok...I'm ok" I swallow in an attempt to collect myself.

Sweating from the nervousness and discomfort, I begin to move up and down, feelings of pleasure begin overtaking those of pain.

As the pleasure increases so does my passion. I continue at a slow speed but my body begins tensing and contracting on its own. My breath hitches with each thrust, light cooing and moans escaping. Hisao's breathing has become husky, giving a little grunt every time he slides into my softness.

"I love you Lilly."

"Hisao.." I moan, "Hisaaooo..."

My body tightens as I near my limit, as does his. This feeling of being so close to him, so in tune with him, it's perfect.

Pushing down one last time, I hunch over and let out a sharp gasp as I finally reach my limit. I can feel his teeth gritting and his whole body tensing up. He lets out a single, loud moan.

I collapse onto him, having no energy left to move or think.

He wraps his arms around me. If I look anything like he does right now, I must be a wreck. As sleep begins to claim us, Hisao turns to face me, his breath lightly hitting my face.

"I love you Lilly"

I can only nod. I love you too you silly goose. As we both drift off to sleep I think one last thought.

What's Hanako going to do if she finds us?

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Last edited by centurion911 on Sun Feb 17, 2013 5:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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