Team Fortress 2 and Katawa Shoujo Crossover: Old Flames
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:12 am
That's right, folks, I, SAXTON HALE, along with a lonely writer somewhere at southeast Asia, give you a page gripping, sweat dripping, enticing tale of your favorite disabled girls(and guys, as well) fight it out to each other, robots and me. That's right, you read it right, readers, ME, an epic duel that lasted about 30 hours between me and the entire gang. All these, with weapons you all knew and loved of my company, MANN CO. As the story unfolds, you'll find*:
"Oh dear lord, I knew that there's a fem conspiracy but I didn't know it was THIS BAD!"
HOT WOMEN TO WOMEN ACTION
PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS I BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF THE HIPSTERS, THE NEW GENERATION OF HIPPIES, WHO PRODUCES IT
*May or may not actually be present in the story, I don't know, I didn't read the draft
Now, I hear you weeps saying "What? What happened to the pretty pictures?" well, it's not because I punched all of them when they were on strike for inadequate payment in cash, metals, keys and/or hats, if that's what you're thinking. "What's the update schedule?" Every Friday, at the writer's time zone. "What are the chance of a schedule slip?" If that happens, I'll personally jump myself from Australia to Singapore and give him a wrestling technique previously only used on crocodiles until he give us a chapter!
And remember! If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me! (Although the writer requested that you send your hopefully constructive criticism to him, so take it up to him, my mailbox is already filled to the brim with letters from whiny brats already.)
Re: Team Fortress 2 and Katawa Shoujo Crossover: Old Flames
Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 3:43 am
ACT 1: RED And BLU
It has been, what, 4 days, that Lilly and Akira had arrived from Japan to Scotland. The original purpose of the trip has been fulfilled and with good news, their aunt's condition was good enough that she can be at home, so that leaves the rest of the week for some leisure activities and reunion. Including a swimming race, which was exactly what Lilly and Akira were participating in.
“Once again, you've beat me. Good race,” Lilly gracefully accepted her yet another defeat as she trudged upon shore and kneel on her knees, catching her breath in the process.
“Yeah, good race,” Akira agreed as she helped her blind younger sister up to her feet. Lilly noticed the lack of enthusiasm in Akira's tone and pointed that out, to which, Akira responded after a sigh “You know, I don't like bragging about my swimming skills but I feel bad that I'm beating you in a swimming contest, even when I know that you're not exactly the most athletic girl, I'm still challenging you to it.”
“No, it's okay, after all, it's just casual fun. And even if you challenge someone else, your swimming techniques and your hydro dynamic body will have no problem beating them.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Well, at least we got to show off our bikinis and figures for a bit. Still-Wait, hydro dynamic? What's that suppose to mean-” Akira asked but she will never know whether Lilly was insulting her flatness intentionally or not because she was soon interrupted by an old, alcohol riddled voice left of Akira.
“Oh,” Lilly immediately recognized the voice, then she bowed down to the general direction of the voice and greeted “Good afternoon, Grandfather.”
“Hey grandpa! Thought you stayed back in badlands!” Akira recognized as well, despite being away for a reasonably long time. On the other hand, how could you possibly forget a drunken black Scottish cyclop? In fact, he is probably the only family member that Akira was looking forward to see. For one, he became a aristocrat not via business but through mercenary works that he retire from. Second, because he has literally no idea what to spend his money on, he makes some efforts to visit the Satou sisters from time to time. His recent absence in the past few years from visiting in Japan have been rather unsettling but Akira already acknowledged as better than the other family members.
And yes, genes seems to be tricky in this family line, for all the kids Tavish Degroot make with his lovely white Scottish wife, Lilly and Akira's mom is the least brown, then their dad as pale as snow came along.
“Hah! I just don't want to pass up the opportunity to see you two cute brats together again!" he greeted back as both walked up to her and gave a quick hug to her and to Lilly.
"But, anyway, what's the challenge you're issuing?" Akira bring up.
"Ah, straight to the point, I see? Here's a simple rule, we do one simple lap from here till there,” grandpa started setting out the rule, pointing at the jetty as an objective. “Lilly will be the Emporium for this race, when we reach back to the starting line, we gonna tap on her head and she will declare who is the winner. Okay, Lilly?”
“Uh, grandfather, there is a slight problem,” Lilly asked with a puzzled expression on her face. “I'm blind, remember?”
“Pfft, blindness is no excuse for fairness in games. My dad took up a job as a referee in many various different sports under many employers and he is the most fair and unbiased referee and anyone who contradict it otherwise are promptly set straight by quick slap on a head. With a scrumpy bottle. Good lord, I even starting to sound like me mum!”
Lilly rolled her eyes to the side to think about what her grandpa had said but instead, she shrugged and agreed to be a referee.
"Do you accept the terms, sis?" Lilly asked, which Akira immediately accepted. "Just like good ol times with me children," Tavish commented as they get into position.
“On your mark,” Lilly called out, both competitors in crouching position as if they were in a track meet.
“Get set,” both asses raised up high.
“Go!” And Akira dived into the water with elegance and swim using the breast stroke technique to the jetty, determined to beat her grandpa and would not stop for anything. That is, until she hear the sound of a sticky jumper being set down, blown up and a figure flashed by her, leaving behind wind to feel, dust to be eaten and water to be splashed on her face.
“What?” Akira said in disbelief but by the time she got wind of what is going on, grandpa sticky jumped from the jetty back to the starting line and tapped Lilly on the head and Lilly announced the winner.
“Ay! What just happened?” Needless to say, Akira was stunned and momentarily let out that subtle Scottish side of her as she swam back to shore. Lilly, being blind and not knowing what a sticky launcher is, let alone knowing the centuries old technique of sticky jumping and what it sounds like, raise an eyebrow at Akira's lament.
“Lilly,” Akira tried to explain what was going on as she swam back to shore. “Our grandpa's cheating! He's using a-”
"It's an old, Scottish technique!" Tavish debated. "Called 'Sticky jump and get skipped across the water like a rock' technique. Long and unimaginative but it gets the message across quite easily.
She was then socked in the face with a bottle of scrumpy.
“Good ol natural rules keeping, mate, that's how ya do it-”
Akira interrupted his taunt with a left hook to his jaw.
“Hoho, I was hoping it would end this way, so that's how we gonna play it, huh? TIME TO GET BLOODY!”
And what we were witnessing here, and Lilly with her hearing and such, was a traditional Scottish bond with each other. All throughout this mess of sloppy punches and bottle swinging, Lilly simply stood by and tutting at the fights.
Yet, despite that rather violent personal reunion, they get to working on each other's wound once the day hits dusk and the group retreat back to their mansion for change of clothing,wound treatments and a nice hot dinner, the hits themselves did not hit too hard, no broken bones, just swellings and external bleeding. Hopefully.
“Honestly,” Lilly lamented to the two as she poured them a cup of earl gray tea each. “Could we stop clashing swords whenever we met? Or at least pick a good time to do so, like in a bar, not on a beach, that fight was too close for my comfort.”
As you could probably tell, she's not that fond of grandpa as much as Akira.
The ex-demoman responded with a apologetic, yet friendly expression as he ruffle Lilly's hair as if she's a little girl “Ay, sorry lassie, one can't stop good ol family bonding activity like that. Just like that swimming competition you two always seems to have.”
“Yeah, it's just a bit of fun, Lilly, no hard feelings,” Akira agreed with a smile, which was later strained when she pulled out a small glass shard out of her arm.
Lilly raised an eyebrow at both of them. At first she wanted to inform him that those 2 activities are too different to be compared like that but she stopped herself before saying anything, feeling that it was futile to argue with the old man.
“Well, if anything, you seem durable for a man of your age,” Lilly resorted to complimenting Tavish instead.
“Indeed, me grand daughter, but that durability didn't come without a price,” he said as he pumped his chest to show it off a little bit, albeit now donned on with a red sweater vest and white long sleeve undershirt.
“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” akira spurted out just as she swallow down a spoonful of haggis. “Could you continue that robot story from where you left off?”
“Thought ya never ask.”
This is Lilly's cue to leave them to be and tend to the muffins that she and her mother were baking. War stories never interests her and not a fan of war all together. There was not much else to do anyway.
The evening went peacefully enough as time went on, The rest of the family member, including the previously stricken sick half-black aunt, were either talking among themselves or watching a football game.
“These robots are relentless, I tell ya!” he rambled off between sips of his tea and a spoonful of food. “Scouts are everywhere, babbling his mouth just like the real one except ten times more annoying, the octo-heavies have kill all but me, leaving me the duty the rest of the medics. All of this mess and Saxton Hale is still too stingy to give us at least some leverage or still fighting that now extinct yeti..." Tavish paused for a bit to do a bit of thinking. "Actually, now that I mention him, I've been meaning to ask someone in the law department about him, how did you guys handle his case and let him out easily, despite the obvious shenanigans he pulled off.”
It was Akira's turn to raise an eyebrow but she let out a light chuckle soon after, then said “Oh boy, you don't even know the half of it...” Akira had guessed that this is her turn to tell him a story, then.
“Everyone who got into law had heard of him,” Akira continued. “His classic antics like the Poopy Joe incident and a numerous grievous assault on what he considers 'hippies' is law student's first case studies in that hard ass final exam. Long strings of rules and regulations, contracts to be inspected, not to mention penetrating through his stone wall law defense. Hell, there's an entire department dedicated to him and yet he escapes and slash or bribe away arrest and even if he somehow go to court and got evicted, the longest sentence he has ever gotten is 3 months. For a minor parking mishap, which, incidentally, the day he decided to stop using cars and just walk, which, I guess it's a step forward for the environment or some shit like that-”
"Careful of what you say, though, sentence like that could earn you a label of being a hippie."
Both let out a light chuckle before Tavish quizzed further in “Have you work on him during your job?”
As if it brings back headache inducing memory, Akira slumped back on the pimped out dining chair, rubbed her temple and nodded, murmuring “I'm not suppose to tell you the exact detail of his case but I can tell you this: worst moment of my career, at some point I thought I was going to get fired. Or worse. And half the time I thought I was going to get my guts punched out of my body.”
Tavish could not help but let out an audible laugh, then he said “Ah, sorry, lassie for laughing at your torment like that. It's just that, even after all these years, he's still doing his shady business and weapons dealings, even without me, the best demoman the TF industries has ever employed...and the others...”
Tavish took an unusually long swigs for a cup as small as his palm, allowing Akira to speculate if that was a moment of self boasting or a form of nostalgia of all the fun he has blowing shit up. After the ex-demoman set down his empty cup and poured himself another round, he asked how well Saxton aging.
Akira saw that as a defense to his own age, given that he was 95 years old and wanted to see if others are doing worse off than him, if not dead. Regardless, she answered “Too well! If you compare his picture from the late 1960s to now, the only difference anyone could find is random strands of grey hair on his moustache and his voluptuous chest hair and receding hairline from the back of his head.”
Akira could practically hear her grandpa mourned in defeat, even though him living up to his age alone with his alcohol consumption is considered an achievement, at least, to her. Before he could asked what was Saxton's secret to his eternal youthfulness, Akira anticipated this and answered beforehand “Prolonged exposure to Austrialium.”
“Ahh,” and Tavish was briefly satisfied with that answer as he drink the tea. Akira sat up right, straightened up her tie and let out a sigh, ending the conversation with “You know, now that I'm away from my work, I gonna need to have something off my chest, I never got a chance to say this, because I'm afraid that huge chunk of meat will appear out of nowhere and kill me, but Saxton Hale is an ass-”
MULTIPLE GRIEVOUS PROPERTY DAMAGE SOUND EFFECT
She got interrupted by a huge missile that crashed through the roof of the house, through the second story and made a crash landing on the dining table, startling everyone seated around it. Except for Tavish, who only raised an eyebrow for a bit, this thing happened often during his days as a mercenary. On Wednesdays, to be more precise. It's a rather complicated story.
“-HALE!” the 'missile' finished his 'screaming your name for travelling' routine as he landed.
“My, my” Lilly called out as she walked out of the kitchen with a tray of muffins in her hands. “Did Chelsea scored a goal?”
The entire patron of the room looked at her, questioning her logic. Of course they all know that she was blind but she was really underestimating her guess on the origin of the noise. Then again, a cheer, or jeer, of a single goal could probably achieve the same effect, considering how much passion an average European puts into football. She was about to set the tray down on to the table but since it was practically broken in half, Lilly became confused, then set her hand out to find it as if her family suddenly had the desire to move it or if her memory started screwing up.
“Thank you, kind lady,” Saxton said as he took the tray from Lilly and eat one of the muffin, with the paper cup still on it.
“Oh my, we have a guest?” Lilly mumbled while cupping her hands over her lips. She took a step back, then bow and formally greeted Saxton “Good evening, sir, and welcome to our humble abode, my apologies for not noticing you earlier.”
“Haha! Apology accepted, my fair lady!” Saxton replied as he ruffled with her hair like a kid. It does annoy Lilly a bit but she kept her perfect lady stance up, resulting in only a half-smile. “It's been quite a while since I have that sort of greeting. Most of the time, when I enter a house, people will always say 'AAHHH!!' or 'don't hurt me!' or 'Can you sign my ass once you kick so hard?' or 'I'm a hippie, so don't even listen to what I say and beat out every bad stench out of me!' or-”
“Excuse me, Mr Hale, I need to address something to my naturally blind granddaughter,” Tavish asked of the Austrialian, to which Saxton allowed so. “Okay, Lilly, mah girl, you do realize that our new guest had just crashed here through the roof?”
“Oh?” Lilly asked as she tilted her head to the side in puzzlement. It does help correcting her previous guess of the noise but she still needed to confirm. “Without a scratch?”
“Not a single one.”
Still skeptical about her grandpa's claim, she pull out and retract her foldable cane from her pocket and started sweeping the area. Yes, there seems to be a broken table, a dining table, to be more factual, as Lilly's thought process started rolling out. She then lifted the cane upwards to check the ceiling and, indeed, there seems to be a hole on the ceiling. She finally figures out what is going on and she was not sure whether or not she was suppose to be mad, surprise or admire such manliness.
“I think you're correct, grandpa, I'm sorry for doubting you,” Lilly confirmed, then she turned to Saxton and said “Marvellous entrance, then.”
“Thank you, again,” Saxton responded to yet another ego boosting.
“Ay, your penchants of being a perfect lady is something marvelous as well, Lilly,” Tavish said as he straightened his back up, crossed his arms and look back at Hale with serious intent. “Anyway, Hale, what are you doing here? I ain't a mercenary no more, I'm pretty sure my family's company didn't deal with yours and I didn't tell anybody about that gravel war for a long time to the public. What is it that you want?”
“Straight to the business, I see,” Saxton made a good observation as he scratched his chin in intrigue. “Well, actually, funny you should mention about your previous work, because I was here for that reason. It's about the companies you once worked for. Don't worry, my ex-buyer and not-top-priority-target, this does not concerns you. Directly, at least.”
It does concerned Tavish but he did not spoke up about it and observe what harm could him or his message brings.
“However, even if dear ol Helen-”
“Wait, Helen?” Tavish broke his rules of engagement to ask as he nearly jumped straight up from his seat. “Bloody hell, she's still alive?”
“Life extending machine,” Hale automatically answered the second question Tavish going to ask and continued “Even if she held her highest trust in me, she still doesn't let me read this highly confidential letter, which is quite suspicious, now that I say it, hell, if I'm a third party to this, I certainly advised you guys to not look into this and just burn the damn thing in the fire place, but anyway, as I was saying, she requested that a lawyer will read it, whom, on a hindsight, should I really need to bring along with me on this trip. So, is there anyone who qualify for this?”
All eyes immediately went searching for Lilly's tomboy sister. Her mom eventually found her. With her back to the wall, her eyes as wide as a saucer, her jaw dropped so hard it looks like it could disconnect from the joint anytime soon and sweat trickled down like waterfall.
“Well,” Mrs Satou said while she pointed her thumb to the now mentally scarred Akira. “We do have a family member that happened to work as a lawyer, why don't you ask her-”
“I swear to God, I didn't reveal any sensitive information about you! Nor do I talked about your carpet! Nor that about your gray hair! Or your fanboys at your own law department-!”
“Haha, don't worry about it!” Saxton, surprisingly, accepted the pleas, then he did a friendly headlock on Akira and continued “Honestly, there seems to be so many crying, whiny babies, that if I spent my time beating all of them up-” Akira let out a scared, almost silent squeak at the word 'beating'. “-It will take an ETERNITY! AN ADRENALINE RUSHING, SATISFYING, MANLY ETERNITY BUT AN ETERNITY NONETHELESS!”
MANLY DUAL KNUCKLE GRINDING ACTION WITH A HEADLOCK SOUND EFFECT
Akira's squeak turned into a scream, she barely muted it in time so that Saxton will not hear it. Poor girl, everyone mentally commented except Lilly, unsure of what to do in this situation.
"I have to settle to beating up a new generation of hippies instead, HIPSTERS! So!” Saxton's tone returned from normal to 'formal' tone. He dug into his short shorts and pulled out a manila envelope. It is not a standard yellow paper, though, it is bright red. With an official Reliable Excavation Demolition stamp on the top corner right. Akira reluctantly took it between her index finger and thumb. She briefly inspects by turning flipping to one side to another before handing it back to the Australian and asked politely that he let her out of his headlock, which he did.
“I'll read your document, Mr Hale,” Akira formally informed him as she walked to the staircase. “But I'll need a change of attire first. I...spilled some tea over my suit. Everyone, grab a seat. And a new table.”
That bit about the tea is a lie.