BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 30th Apr 2014)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 27th Aug)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Aug 27, 2013 4:39 am

Saki also takes the chance to tidy Hanako’s fringe, revealing some of her scars. To my surprise, Hanako doesn’t protest.
...
“Oh, I… I’ll th-think about it. Thanks, Saki.”
...
Hisao and I st-stood up for Lilly
Who is that girl, and what has she done to Hanako? ;-)
I guess her being OOC here is intentional, though...
What I don't buy is Natume and Naomi not knowing Emi.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 27th Aug)

Post by Carighan » Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:31 am

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:What?! How did you know?! What are you, some kind of spy? A psychic spy?
Feminist.
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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 27th Aug)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Wed Aug 28, 2013 8:27 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I guess her being OOC here is intentional, though...

What I don't buy is Natume and Naomi not knowing Emi.
Perhaps if taken in isolation. Over the course of the series as a whole, it's not so much OOC, but rather character development.

Also, I see it as less "not knowing" and more "not being formally introduced". I'm not sure how I can make that clearer.
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Mon Sep 02, 2013 9:04 am

Waiting

“We’ll be right back.”

That’s what they said. They were going to get some lunch. I had to stay here anyway, so waiting wasn’t a problem. Mr. Nomiya. That’s why I had to stay here. I had to wait for him. He wanted someone to talk to me about art. I didn’t really want to talk about art. Why would you talk about art? Art is talking in and of itself. That would be like talking about talking. And if I were talking about what I was thinking, I’d be talking about talking about talking. Recursively.

I didn’t know who that someone was supposed to be. Would they be weird and old like Mr. Nomiya? Or just old? Or just weird? Or neither of those things? It didn’t really matter who that someone was. They wanted to talk about talking. I guess that makes them weird. Emi and Hanako are weird. Looking at them made me hungry. Maybe that’s just because they were talking about lunch. I guess that’s better than talking about talking.

But their departure left me alone. Alone is okay. Lonely is not okay. But I wasn’t lonely, so it was okay. I just sat there in front of the mural and everything was okay. It was okay for a long time. There was a boy that dropped his ice cream, and that was not okay for him, but it did not bother me. But still… the longer I sat the more I thought about not being okay. Did that make me not okay? When do you stop being okay and start not being okay?

When it had been half an hour since they left, it was okay. When it had been an hour since they left, it was okay. When it had been an hour and a half since they left, it was okay. I think. It had been two hours since they left when I started thinking I was not okay. Was that when I started not feeling okay? Or was it before? Maybe when I felt okay before, I was really not okay and I just didn’t know yet?

So I wasn’t okay. I guess. Why wasn’t I okay? They left me. That was okay. They said they’d be right back. That was okay. They didn’t come back. That was okay. Alone was okay. Or maybe it wasn’t okay? They lied. Talking about talking is bad, but talking about talking when you’re actually not going to talk is worse. Lying is not okay.

I was lonely. They said they were coming back. They didn’t. That’s not okay. I was lonely. They were my friends. They said they’d wait with me. I was lonely. They said to tell Hisao to wait here if he showed up. I couldn’t tell him if he didn’t. I was lonely. Alone and lonely. One is okay, and the other is not okay. If you put them together, neither is okay. It’s like math, except with feelings.

Maybe I should have given up. Gone away. Stopped waiting. Waiting for Emi and Hanako to come back. Waiting for Mr. Nomiya to bring his weird old friend. Waiting for Hisao to come get his message. Giving up is not okay. But if it was okay, I would have done it. But what would I have done after I gave up? I’d have just been waiting for something else to happen.

Waiting. Always waiting. Maybe – just maybe – if I waited differently, things would change? I stood up. It felt different. But I was still waiting. Some people looked at the mural. They didn’t stay long. They didn’t like waiting, I guess. I didn’t like waiting either. Well, waiting was okay. But loneliness was not okay. And I was waiting and lonely. It’s like math again.

I decided to give up. Math made my head hurt. No more math. But I couldn’t move. I was stuck. I sighed. More waiting, I guess. Waiting for people who didn’t wait. Waiting for people who were doing something that was not waiting. Waiting for people who didn’t care.

I closed my eyes, and imagined the clouds. They didn’t wait for anybody. They did exactly what they wanted. I wish I was a cloud. Then I wouldn’t be waiting. And I wouldn’t be lonely, because clouds were always with other clouds. And if there weren’t any other clouds, they just rained themselves out until they weren’t clouds anymore.

Could I rain myself out? Could I not be waiting anymore? Could I not be lonely anymore? I tried as hard as I could. Raining wasn’t as easy as the clouds made it seem. I didn’t want to wait anymore. But waiting was all I could do.

“Why does everyone leave me?”

I didn’t realise I had said it at first. All that waiting had gone to my head. I wasn’t thinking straight. Relatively speaking. I was thinking curvier than usual. But I said it. I had somehow stopped waiting and started talking. And it wasn’t even talking about talking. I was so surprised by my epiphany – my revelation – that it took me a good fifteen minutes to realise that – for once – someone was waiting for me.

“Good afternoon.”

I looked at him funny. It was Hisao. And he was waiting for me. So, if he was here, was I still waiting for him? Not really. I was finished waiting. Waiting for Hisao, at least. I still had to wait for Mr. Nomiya and Emi and Hanako. More waiting. At least I wouldn’t have to wait by myself. I wouldn’t be alone or lonely. I’d be waiting, but I’d be okay. Probably. I still felt not okay.

“Wait here.”

Hisao looked at me funny. I waited for him to answer. He waited too. Maybe he wanted me to say more.

“What are we waiting for?”

What would I say? I’d be talking about waiting. Which is nearly as boring as talking about talking. After a minute, I finally answered.

“Happiness.”

==========

Getting stood up sucks. Even moreso when it's by your friends, not a date. Thanks to Garver for proofreading this thirty-minute writeup. It's kind of part of the Eminako series, but since it's a one-off thing I'll post it as a one-shot instead. Also, random fact: this has precisely 1000 words in it. Comment away.
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griffon8
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by griffon8 » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:20 pm

You know, I was worried that your story was going to have the Act 1 Bad Ending for Hisao. Glad to see that not happening.
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Carighan
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by Carighan » Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:31 am

I always figure Rin's perspective has to be the most difficult to write. She's extremely peculiar ingame, and while it's easy enough to describe her actions and words in most situations, writing about her thought process is a different beast entirely.

With that in mind, it reads quite natural. It's how I would imagine her thoughts flowing, at times. :D
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Sep 11, 2013 4:41 pm

Hmm. Is "Waiting" suposed to be a part of your "Friends" series?
Because the OP lists it as a one shot...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Wed Sep 11, 2013 9:15 pm

It's a oneshot set in the same canon. Actually, there's several of those, if you're very observant. But no; strictly speaking, Waiting is not "part" of the Eminako Series.
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by LordDarknus » Thu Oct 31, 2013 1:05 am

I like it, all of it. Which was quite a lot to read.

As an opinion (and not criticism), I have noted that your writings have a bit of an American flavour to them, but it is executed in a style that works with the original content anyway, which would probably be indicative of remarkably great talent for storytelling.

But "flavours" aside, your stories are all intriguing and fairly well written.


Thanks for writing!

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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Oct 31, 2013 8:10 am

My, my, I'm flattered you think so highly of my writing. I admire that you had the dedication to read it all, especially since you imply that you did so all at once.
LordDarknus wrote:your writings have a bit of an American flavour
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quite curious... I'm not sure what to make of it.

Also, has it really been nearly two months since my last fic? I'll have to change that.
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by bhtooefr » Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:53 am

You know... Some fridge logic just kicked in on The Rumour Mill.

Why do Misha and Shizune not know what happened with the other students?

I suspect that Shizune would have at least some connection to Lilly, even if they did become enemies (but they're still family, and it's clear that they respected each other by that point, to the point that Lilly defended her in an argument).

With a connection to Lilly, there's at the very least a connection to Hanako.

If this is in the Friendsverse, there's then a connection to Emi, which also results in a connection to Rin.

And, via Emi, there's even a connection to Miki, to find out whether there were any repercussions there.
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:49 pm

I'd suggest you not look into it too hard. I will say it's not the same canon as the "friendsverse" as you called it. Like I said in the spoiler tag, it's not really meant to be good writing. It's very much venting.
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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by LordDarknus » Thu Oct 31, 2013 11:03 pm

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:My, my, I'm flattered you think so highly of my writing. I admire that you had the dedication to read it all, especially since you imply that you did so all at once.
Yeah, though it still took me a really long while. I'm kind of slow.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
LordDarknus wrote:your writings have a bit of an American flavour
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Location: Melbourne, Australia
Quite curious... I'm not sure what to make of it.
Well... for example;
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:“‘Life of Pi’? I’ve never heard of it before. What’s it about?”

Oh man, oh man, oh man. What is it about? I was just reading it not a second ago! Try and remember! Wait, no; Hanako, you dumbass, you’re holding the book right in front of you! Read it! Okay, mmhmm, that’s right. Yes.

“A boy… and a tiger… on a boat…”
Now, I love the line;
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Hanako, you dumbass,
But it sounded quite an American thing to say. If any of that would sound Australian to me, I think I might be expecting something (stereo)typical like;
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Hanako, you tosser,
And some of the topics you explore are reminiscent of an American "drama" show, or something to that effect. But then again, I might just be proving I'm an idiot again.
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Also, has it really been nearly two months since my last fic? I'll have to change that.
That's okay, there's no rush. You've already put up so much content and gotten so many replies.

I should probably go over what you wrote too, since I have a feeling I've been reading it wrong somehow.

Good luck on your next story!

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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:27 am

The characters are Japanese - why would they use stereotypical Australian phrases?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop (New: 2nd Sep)

Post by Antonymous » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:12 pm

I like most of these. However, there are a couple that I have issues with.
Image
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:- The Rumour Mill (Oneshot)
This would never happen in Yamaku, where the track captain is not only openly gay, but talks publicly about getting rammed in the ass. I'd imagine the note situation would go something like this:
‘Mikado and Hakamichi are lovers.’
'Dude who cares?'
'Hot'
'You should know how it feels to be ostracized. You're part robot.'
'I wish'
'It's the hair, isn't it? I think my father wants me to look like a lesbian so boys don't touch me. I guess that's also why he gave my brother all my old girl clothes.'
'So, they've finally figured out how to breed without men. Now they'll surely be going into the genocidal stage of their plan. The time has come for the revolution to step forth from the shadows and set things right!'
I know you said it wasn't meant to be good and you're just venting, but that just makes it worse since you're basically admitting that no effort went into this and that you're using the fan fiction section of the forums as your personal blog.

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