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[Agresser]

My thoughts after reading that someone would dare touch my darling Hanako (and also reminded me of the plot of Taken):

[JTemby]

[nemz]

Uh... do you not understand the term? Without suspension of disbelief fiction stops working, the reader constantly aware of reading and not getting caught up in the tale being told.

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

Just because it's fiction, doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be believable. There's a reason why deus ex machinas and other such literary devices are bad things.

On the flip side, just because they're bad, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't have them sometimes. It can be fun. Either actualy fun, or morbid fun, like we have here. Or will have. Anyway I'll shut up now.

[Mirage_GSM]

Suspension of Disbelief
An example from the article:

Some find it strange that while some audience members took issue with the flimsiness of Superman's disguise, they didn't take issue with the idea of the existence of a superbeing whose only weakness was kryptonite. One arguing from the theory of suspension of disbelief would contend that while Superman's abilities and vulnerabilities are the foundational premises the audience accepted as their part of the initial deal; they did not accept a persistent inability for otherwise normal characters to recognize a close colleague solely because of minor changes in clothing.

In other words: While fantastic story elements are acceptable in certain settings (Fantasy, SciFi), the setting itself has to be consistent as well.

[JTemby]

In other words: While fantastic story elements are acceptable in certain settings (Fantasy, SciFi), the setting itself has to be consistent as well.

Ah yes, but whom setting?
If you are implying this doesn't feel like KS, then please be reminded that this is a heavily OC piece written by an absolute madman.
If you are referring to the setting within the story, we're 5 chapters in, relax yo pretty little head and enjoy it for what it is, pure fiction, wrote for the fun of it.

the reader constantly aware of reading and not getting caught up in the tale being told.

Just... No...
Not even touching that one.

[Dream]

I would say that the realistic/gritty style and ambiance of this tale calls for at least some sort of, uh, non-suspension of disbelief. I think i get what you're trying to say but i honestly don't believe it applies here.

[Doomish]

If you are implying this doesn't feel like KS, then please be reminded that this is a heavily OC piece written by an absolute madman.

Gee, thanks.

[Archangel Gabriel]

If you are implying this doesn't feel like KS, then please be reminded that this is a heavily OC piece written by an absolute madman.

Gee, thanks.

Oh come on, that's a minor insult for writing a story where Hanako gets made into a sex slave/forced prostitute, presumably for shock value.

[JTemby]

If you are implying this doesn't feel like KS, then please be reminded that this is a heavily OC piece written by an absolute madman.

Gee, thanks.

Oh come on, that's a minor insult for writing a story where Hanako gets made into a sex slave/forced prostitute, presumably for shock value.

Relax, he knows I mean no harm in my words.

[Doomish]

Oh come on, that's a minor insult for writing a story where Hanako gets made into a sex slave/forced prostitute, presumably for shock value.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't write my stories just for the shock value of them. I write the majority of my stories because I like writing the polar opposite of KS' genre just to see how well it'd work out. Most of the time it does, sometimes it does not. Science fiction, for example, doesn't mesh with KS in the slightest but that wouldn't stop me from trying it out given a free afternoon to sit down and write something. I love combining things with slice-of-life just to see what sticks, and when I think I've found something, I pursue it. The shock value is also nice, sure, but that comes with the territory of what the story is going to be about in comparison to what, for example, KS is about.

[JTemby]

I love combining things with slice-of-life just to see what sticks, and when I think I've found something, I pursue it.

Like a scientific madman trying to compose something out of nothing and succeeding.

[Oddball]

Honestly.... nothing really seems to click together right in this story and the attempt at giving backstory through Hisao and Lilly only made things feel even more out of place.

Lilly seems rather panicked and then doesn't even go with Hisao to the police station. Misha jokes about Hanako being missing after they see her going into a bar. Hisao and Lilly both openly talking about how mentally unstable Hanako is. Some guy who has never bought people before, buys a strange girl that's badly scarred and doesn't even check to see if she might have some mental problems to go with it. Hanako not being catatonic though most of this. Being sold into slavery and then being taken only about a city over and sent to work in a place that was open to the public. Hell, that last one would be pretty stupid even if Hanako could blend into crowds easily.

Everything about this story just feels wrong. Nothing that's going on actually feels like something that could in anyway possibly happen with these characters.

[Dream]

I think Lilly's behavior is intended to come accross as bit off, this happens some time after the good ending so i think it's plausible that Hisao and Lilly are more open about Hanako's problems, and Misha isn't exactly the most discrete or astute person, so those things don't strike me as too odd.

Len Mao doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would give much of a shit about something like his merchandise having health problems, and that's leaving aside his (potentially archaic) attitudes towards mental illness, he maybe even thinks he can punish away Hanako's anxiety or something. Hanako being taken to slavery only to the next town and in a open place is indeed kind of iffy though. I think that while a few things of the story seem inexplicably off, most of what seems out of place is deliberately written so, or given a proper justification.

[Doomish]

Forget it.