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Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch. 4

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 5:21 pm
by M4rked0ne
First of all, English is not my native language and this is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, so please forgive me in advance for making bad mistakes. Most mistakes should be caused by experimenting with the English language, so I don’t really know if you can say things in that way like I’m going to say them. (To be honest I’m already experimenting while writing this.)
I’m just trying to make it more interesting for you guys. ;D
Another important note: I’m definitely trying to finish this project, but because of lack of time it’s going to take a while.

About the fanfic

I will not tell much about it, just the more or less important bits.
While Lilly is my #1 “waifu”, I just couldn’t bring it over my heart to break this strong bond between her and Hisao. Also, Lilly’s route was my favorite one, so I couldn’t “destroy” her path either. Then I had a pretty weird idea: making a post-Lilly good end fanfic with a Hanako X OC relation. So I could write about the relationship of Lilly and Hisao after the ending and form one “for” Hanako, (but the story revolves mainly around the latter).
Also, some of the characters changed a little bit in the course of Lilly’s path and after it (obviously). Hanako gained a little bit more confidence and Hisao isn’t that cynical and dense like he was before.

The OC

Andrei Romanenko, an 18-years-old Russian raised in Germany. With a height of 1,83m he is very tall for Japanese standards. He loves basketball and every kind of videogames but his big passion is music, especially rap and guitar songs. In his youth he played the guitar a lot but since he moved to Japan he never touched one.
He isn’t very out-going and prefers to be silent, but he isn’t avoiding social contact either (even though he keeps distance somewhat). Under his indifferent and cold façade is actually a kind heart and a mind with deep thoughts, which he usually don’t voice out.
His reason why he is attending Yamaku is his left knee. The ACL injury (anterior cruciate ligament) from which he suffers could not be fully cured, so he has to live the rest of his life with limited movability and acute joint pain. But the reason why his leg is permanently damaged is a well-kept secret.

His sentence: ”For what do you live for?”

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+]

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 5:23 pm
by M4rked0ne
Chapter 1

*beep beep ..…. beep beep ….. beep beep*

I try to open my eyes to find the source of this annoying sound, but the only thing I see in this blurry vision was something red. To clear my sight, I rub the sleep out of my eyes. The next thing I see is my alarm clock, which shows me that it is 6 in the morning.

“What do you want from me so early…...stupid thing.”

I mumbled into my pillow while hitting the alarm button of the clock. I lay in the bed for a while before noticing that someone else is in it as well.


Her head is resting on my shoulder while she holds my right arm in a death grip with her whole body … like to prevent me to run away from her. But that would never happen, au contraire. I would run after her….like I did on the night were she was leaving Japan for good. But before I could reached her, my heart acted up again. The last thing I saw was her blonde hair before everything went black. I waked up in the hospital with a sense of déjà vu. Again I lost everything, but this time I lost more than that: Lilly was also gone. My heart pushed the reset button for my life for the second time….at least that’s what I thought at this moment.

A little music box ….. no, it was the music box I gave Lilly, which stood on a little table to the right of me, was playing this familiar tune. I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears and at the same moment the door opened. In the end my stunt wasn’t that futile as I thought first, because Lilly….my Lilly with her blonde hair and white shoulders stood in the doorframe with a tear-stained face. And again I couldn’t trust my eyes.


As soon as I called her name she started crying and followed my voice while her hands searched for me. When she finally found me, she embraced me and cried on my shoulder while I was still dumbfounded by her presence. I doubt these were only tears of sadness and fear, they were also tears of relieve and joy. But even though I should be happy that Lilly was still here, by my side, it made me sad that she cried and more importantly, she cried because of me. That broke my heart, well not literally but figurative.
She put both of her hands on my cheeks and asked me why I ran after her. For me, there was only one answer:

“Because I can’t live without you. I think you make a mistake by leaving Japan. I finally realized that you wanted from me to say to you that you shouldn’t leave, but instead I gave you the feeling that our relationship, our love was nothing special. I’m sorry that I couldn’t realize it sooner, I hate it when people cry over me, especially if it’s you.“

“Idiot…..You already convinced me with ‘I can’t live without you’, so please stop apologizing.”

I was taken by surprise by her response, but I was even more surprised by her long passionate kiss.



Lilly’s mumbling voice disrupts my trains of thought. I look to my right and see that Lilly’s eyes are still closed. A wide smile appears on my face.

Even in your dreams I’m with you…..…god that sounded corny.

I look again at the clock just to experience an unpleasant surprise. My “journey in to the past” lasted over 20 minutes and threw me back into my schedule. I free myself from Lilly’s death grip in the hope that I don’t wake her up and quickly jump into my running clothes. But before I leave I give Lilly a kiss on the forehead.

When she sleeps she looks especially beautiful. Well, she is always beautiful but when she sleeps her beauty is unmatched. I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?

Slowly I close the door behind me and head straight to the track.


As expected, Emi is already running a few laps. Without any further delay I start to stretch and run a few rounds on the track.

The reason I started to run with Emi was obvious….for her at least: To improve my health and live a longer life. But for me there is a deeper meaning. I don’t improve my health solely for me, but also for Lilly’s sake so she doesn’t have to worry about me and my condition. Also I promised that I never leave her but that’s a pretty hard promise to keep when you are aware of the fact that you can die if you walk to fast. My stunt at the airport proved this statement. At least I should exclude “Walking too fast” from my long list of reasons for my death, I don’t want to give up my life for good due to such details.
Even though my heart is going to give me a hard time for the rest of my life, it also has his positive side. Without my condition I would never have met Lilly. To find your big love in exchange for a heart condition, for me I think it’s a fair price to pay.

After running a few laps I already build up some sweat and my breath also started to get heavy, so I decide to slow down my pace into walking. Emi, on the other hand, just begins with her sprints now.

Only the thought about doing such sprints let my heart act up. I should keep the level I am now, no need for such high goals.

With a farewell wave I leave Emi and the track and head back to the boy’s dormitory. As I wipe the sweat from my forehead I notice something at the school gates. A boy, probably around my age, stands there, holding a big sports bag over his shoulder. His eyes are closed. By the looks of it he prepares himself mentally.

Reminds me of myself when I stood in front of these gates the first time.

I shrug my curiosity off and started to walk towards the dormitory again.


“Oh Lilly, you are already up.”

Lilly was sitting on the edge of my bed when I entered my room.

“Good morning Hisao. How was your training? Any problems?”

“As always it was very tiring but I’m getting used to it. My heart is beating a little bit faster than usual but that should be normal after a workout. To wake up so early is a different matter though.”

Lilly chuckles at my statement. Even though I’m a morning person, to wake up so early is still a problem…..well, it isn’t actually a problem, it’s just annoying.

“Anyway, how did you sleep? I bet you had some sweet dreams.”

“How can you tell?”

“You mumbled my name in your sleep.”

Lilly blushes at my statement. You can clearly see how her pale cheeks slowly turn red.
I just could chuckle at this sight and I surprised her with a kiss on her lips.

“I’m going to step into the shower real quick and then I prepare breakfast, how’s that?”

She hesitates to answer at first, but then she gave me a shy response.

“……Do you mind if I join the shower?”

Why doesn’t this surprise me?
With a mischievous grin I started to tease her.

“I know that you were dirty-minded but I never knew that you were this bold.”

“I’m not dirty-minded, I just happen to have an adolescent sex drive. That aside, If we share a shower we would save time and water.”

Just a poor excuse for satisfying her “adolescent sex drive”. But it’s not like that I exactly hate to satisfy it. Also her cute pouting wouldn’t give me a chance to contradict anyway.

“You have a point there. Well then, it can’t be helped.”

Actually, it is a good idea after all. It would be very uncomfortable for me and Lilly if Kenji would run into her while she was taking her shower, even though there is the chance he would mistake Lilly probably for me. But I prefer not to gamble in such matters.


The hot water from the shower hit us while I was embracing Lilly from behind. I put her hair aside, revealing the lovely nape of hers, kissing it and working my way to the collarbone. When I reached her neck, I feel the vibration of Lilly’s giggle on my lips. She turns her face to the left, waiting for my lips to meet hers. Like mine her breath slowly started to get exciting. I place my lips onto hers and we started to play with each other’s tongue. Her hands reach back for me head, drawing it even closer to her. While our lips were occupied, my hands began to explore every inch of Lilly’s erotic body, from her thighs to her ample breasts. Even though we made love to each other several times now, exploring each other’s body is still exciting like the first time. For Lilly is this act even more intense.

On its own accord, my right hand head to Lilly’s stomach, slowly caressing it with a circular motion. At the same moment, Lilly’s left hand started to explore a part of my body. From the shoulder to the waist, it slowly works his way down, heading for my stomach as well. Lilly is startled as her hand touches my pubic hair.

“You’re really bold, aren’t you?”

I can’t stop myself from giggling when Lilly shows me her trademark pout.
Before she could give any response, I move my hand towards her lady parts, the pubic hair right under my fingertips. Lilly catches her breath and let out a small groan when I slowly started to caress the pubic mound. She reaches down to the shaft of my member and carefully strokes it with her soft and long fingers to return my gesture. It twitches, giving Lilly signals that she hits the right spots.

After only a short time of stroking and caressing our private parts, I can clearly feel my climax approaching. To enjoy our act a little bit longer, I stopped to stroke her and separated my body from hers.

“Hisao, why did you stop?”

With a panting voice she asked me that.
Before she gets the idea that my heart is acting up again, I quickly asked her:

“You mind if I soap your body?”

“Only if I can soap yours.”

You could clearly hear the playfulness in her voice.


With a grin I reach for the shower gel. I squeeze a good amount of the gel onto my palm and rub it a bit between my hands till it starts to foam.

“Could you please start with my back?”

Without giving an answer I rub and message the foam onto her back, going from her shoulders down to her buttocks and thighs while Lilly is purring like a cat.
Just when I finished her back, she instantly falls into my chest.

“Now it’s my turn.”

Still surprised by Lilly’s action, she began to move her back up and down on my chest, rubbing the foam I applied to her back on it.

“We shouldn’t forget him.”

Lilly’s thighs trap my cock between them, starting a fluid forward/backward motion. Aroused by the contact, my hips move on their own, in concord with Lilly’s movements. Like before I fondle her huge bust and cover them in foam. The feeling of Lilly’s erect nipples under my palm, running between my fingers excite me even more and thanks to the slippery of the shower gel I can caress them even firmer. To keep up with Lilly’s quicker becoming stimulus I commence an attack on her pearl, playing with it with a slow circular motion.
Lilly’s and mine’s breath starting to get heavier, even little moans escaped our mouths here and then.
Something drips on my member, and it’s certainly not water. Lilly’s flower was already blooming in dazzling beauty, dripping it’s nectar on my manhood, ready to accept it. I turn Lilly around, carefully open her thighs and place my shaft right under her lady part while placing a long kiss on her lips. Lilly’s hand reach down, guiding him into her. I sink in slowly and making her moan with pleasure. The second I fully enter her, chills are running down my spine. My rod gradually becomes enveloped in her soft folds and giving me an intense stimulus.
To make it more comfortable for Lilly I gently push her against the glass of the shower stall. Carefully I begin to rock my hip. Lilly’s lower half is chasing my dick every time I pull back like she was longing for it and the pleasure it gave her. My left hand was on the glass to support my stance while my right hand was fondling Lilly’s boobs, caressing them firmer and firmer. My thrusts go deeper into her, trying to fill every inch of her. Lilly’s hips started to spin around, rubbing my dick with a new sensation.

Soon we both were in ecstasy, our movements in complete unison and slowly but surely reaching our climax. Lilly’s scent, her long fingers on my nape, her muffled moans through her nose, her soft breasts under my hand…..everything push me even closer to the edge. But I can tell that Lilly is also on the verge of climax.
Her fingernails dig into my back and her vaginal walls goes into convulsion.
She couldn’t endure the pleasure quietly, so she break our kiss.


Lilly cry out my name in desire. My vision turns white when a rush of pleasure overwhelms me.
I shoot my load into Lilly’s womb. Spasm after spasm my semen gushed into her while her vagina was sucking everything up, squeezing every drop out of me. After my ejaculation has stopped I slowly regain my senses. Lilly and I are panting heavily. A smile crosses my face.

“I love you, Lilly.”

“I love you too, Hisao.”

A kiss is prove of our mutual love.

Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch. 2

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 5:28 pm
by M4rked0ne
Chapter 2

“Lunch like always, Hisao?”

“Sure, catch you later then.”

I give Lilly a small farewell kiss on her lips and go two doors further to my classroom.

I arrive a little bit early to class so only a few students are present. Hanako was one of them. Like always she is so absorbed in her book that her face is practically glued on the pages. She doesn’t even notice that I’m standing right in front of her.

“Hey Hanako.”

Startled by my voice she finally realize that someone is standing at her table.

“H-Hey Hisao! S-Sorry, I didn’t n-noticed that y-you were here.”

“I could tell. You were so into it, that an atomic war could break out and you wouldn’t notice it.”

Hanako looks down in embarrassment, but suddenly makes a somewhat surprised face.

“Funny, this b-book is also about an a-atomic war.”

“Really? What a coincidence. What exactly is it about?”

“W-Well, it’s about an o-old and scarred s-soldier who is forced to l-live in the metro-tunnels with o-other survivors of an atomic w-war. He is t-trying to annihilate the d-dark threat to protect the m-metro dweller. O-On his way he meets s-some companion, like a y-young girl who he rescued from being k-killed. She accompanies him and t-together they travel the m-metro to defeat the dark t-threat.”

Hanako isn’t very talkative, but when it comes to books she is talking like a waterfall. It’s like that books reveal a completely new side of her.

“I’m not really into this post-apocalyptic stuff. From which author is it anyway?”

“S-Some Russian, I think. I don’t know how to p-pronounce his name.”

I take a quick glance at the cover to find out the author’s name. “Dmitry Glukhovsky”. The only thing I know about him is the fact that I can’t pronounce his name as well.
“Well his name sounds at least Russian.”

Before we can continue our conversation, Mutou enters the classroom and behind him was a young man, probably in the same age as me.

“Morning Class, as you can see we got a transfer student from Germany here. I know it’s a bit late for a transfer, but because of certain circumstances school administration allowed him to attend Yamaku at this time of the semester.”

The eyes of the new student were observing the class with a sleepy but analytical look.
Totally unfazed by situation he is in, he takes a step forward and speaks up:

“I’m Andrei Ivanovich Romanenko, but just call me Andrei.”

Very short black-brown hair, an angular face, slight case of a three-day stubble, relatively broad shoulders and he is way taller than Mutou or Lilly. Comments like “He’s a giant!” and “I ask myself if everything is big on him, hehe.” are whispered by the girls to each other.
His clothes are, how should I call them? Urban? His grey zip-hoody is half-closed so you can see his simple white t-shirt and the dogtag which is hanging from his neck. The loose fit jeans and the white sneakers are also matching to his style of clothing.

His ,somewhat cold, appearance and his slight accent are clearly stating that he is foreign. But I can’t figure out from where exactly he comes from. His accent is surprisingly not German, that’s what I can tell.
“….so let’s welcome our newest classmate.”

An unenthused clapping filled the room.
Apparently, I was so busy with the new student that I completely tuned out Mutou’s voice. I think I even did that when he was introducing me to the class.
“There is a free seat in the last row behind Hakamichi, the class representative. You can go and sit there Andrei.”

He simply nods and makes his way to the seat. I notice that he doesn’t fully support on his left leg so he’s walking with a limb, even if it’s a subtle one.
When he sits down; the limping leg of his is fully stretched. That can only mean that he can’t bend it fully.

“Today we have a group assignment, so please divide into groups of three or four.”

Before even Mutou finish his sentence, Misha and Shizune have laid eyes on their new victim for the recruitment into the student council.

“Nice to meet you, Andrei! I’m Misha and this Shicchan~!”

“So the class rep is deaf, huh?”

While I grouped up with Hanako and the other newspaper club members, I could easily eavesdrop their conversation since we are sitting right next to them, but I also think Misha’s carefree attitude to her surrounding also plays an important role.

*gasp* “How did you know?”

“Both of you were signing the whole time. So at least one of you must be deaf or you like to keep your conversations classified.”

“You are sharp one, aren’t you~? Wahahaha~!”

Misha’s well-known laugh echoed so loud through the class, that the others are already glaring at her. Not caring about their glare, the pink-haired girl keeps on talking with her usual voice-level.

“By the way, are you really from Germany?! I bet it’s fun over there!”

Shizune taps her finger impatiently on the table to get Misha’s attention and started signing to her without giving Andrei a chance to respond.

“Ah, sorry Shicchan but it’s just that he looks so interesting, right~? Anyway, she wants you to know that she’s the class rep, so if you have questions, feel free to ask her.”

As the conversation dies down (or after it bored me), I slowly start to tackle the assignment which is lying in front of me.


It’s nearly lunch-time and we just finished half of the assignment. Mainly because of Naomi and Natsume, who are gossiping the whole time instead to concentrate on the task at hand. It shouldn’t surprise me though, they do that all the time, but what surprises me is Hanako’s lacking concentration. I noticed it for a while now; her eyes are jumping between her notepad and the table beside us. To be precisely, she was eying the new student the whole time.

Now I’m curious.
“What’s so interesting over there, Hanako?”

While I ask her, I turn my upper body to get a better view on the table next to us.
Startled by my sudden question, she gives a really suspicious response.

“I-I-It’s nothing, r-really!”

“If it was nothing, than you wouldn’t look over there, am I right?”

“It’s j-just….that….h-he looks very….i-interesting…”

Hanako’s complexion gets a slight red tone..... and that brings genuine smile on my face. To be honest, I’m a little bit proud of her. She has more confidence than when I met her the first time, even though the difference is slight. It’s better anyway that she make small but safe steps. I’m fully convinced that she will grow to a lovely woman.

“Really? It’s true that he is foreign, so it shouldn’t surprising that he get some attention.”

After taking a closer look at the big transfer student, I notice something unusual about him. He is a picture of calm…. no, it’s more like everything is indifferent to him in some way. He is just staring out of the window and from what I can see he barely wrote down something.

The bell for lunch-time rings and everyone is leaving the classroom. Mutou is trying to say something but sees the futility of his action as his words go in the chattering of the leaving students under.
Hanako and I are heading towards the usual place. While talking about trivial things, Misha’s upbeat attitude echoed through the halls with Andrei in tow. Again, Hanako is looking at the new student longer than necessary. Once more I start to grin. I’m still amazed that this shy girl is actually interested in guys….well I think she always was but now she shows her interest.
Lilly should be very happy with this outcome, she was always smiling when Hanako made progress and with that, she should jump with joy.


We arrive at the tea room before Lilly, so Hanako is preparing the tea while I put the chess board on the table and arrange the pieces for the daily match between her and Lilly. I actually prefer watching them playing to playing myself. First of all I’m not very good at it and second, I enjoy it to see how Lilly’s long, dexterous fingers run across the board.

“My my, you are already here?”

Without us noticing, Lilly suddenly appears at the door, her eyes closed and her lips slightly puckered she is waiting for me to give her a kiss.
Even though we are already together for couple of months my heart is still beating so fast as if it were the first time.
After a long kiss of affection I part our lips because I notice that Hanako is looking at us with a blushed face.

“Good morning, Hanako. Sorry, we got carried away a little bit.”

“Ah! N-No! Y-You don’t need to a-apologize Lilly! It’s good t-that you are still happy t-together.”

Before Hanako is stating more embarrassing things, I direct the conversation into another direction.

“Tea should be ready, so we shouldn’t waste lunch with solely talking.”

Both are simply nodding and we start our lunch.


Our lunch times are usually quiet, the ticking clock and the sound of chess-pieces hitting the board are the only things what echoes through the room, but today it seems to be different.

“By the way, did you know that we go a new student in our class?”

“My, really? What an unusual time to get a new student.”

“More importantly, he is apparently so interesting that even Hanako got an eye on him.”

Just as I predicted, Lilly beams with joy like a little child while checking the layout of the pieces.
However, Hanako is blushing and trying to make excuses.

“H-Hisao! I-I told you it’s n-nothing like that! He is a new student, s-so it’s natural that I-I’m looking at him!”

*click* The pieces are advancing, trying to bring down the enemy king while protecting their own ruler.

“Like you looked at me when I was transferred here? You sure have a thing for new guys.”

While Lilly and I were giggling, she admits defeat and hangs her head to hide her tomato red face. I know for a while now that Hanako had a crush on me. It was my birthday, I think, and Hanako had a little too much wine and she suddenly confessed to me. The next day she was so embarrassed, I bet she would have tried to avoid me. I told her that it was okay and nothing to be embarrassed about. Well it was awkward, but this situation put us even closer and she still loves me. But I think our mutual love is more platonic.

“Well if he is that interesting, it couldn’t hurt to invite him for lunch, don’t you think Hanako? I think it would be amusing to eat lunch with him.”

*click* Hanako losses one piece after another.

“I-Inviting him for l-lunch? I-I-I can’t do that!”

*click* Her pawns are counter-attacking, hoping to gain the upper-hand.

“I think it’s a good idea. I mean he don’t know anyone here so we could befriend him. I was in the same situation and when Lilly offered me her company it was really helpful. And now I’m here; having a beautiful girlfriend and a very good friend with whom I have fun and enjoy my life together. If I didn’t met Lilly and you, my life would be completely different now.”

*click* The counter-attacks are failing. The enemy is closing in, seeking the death of the king.

Suddenly I feel someone’s hand on my cheek and I see Lilly’s smiling face closing in to mine. I turn my face to her and we press our lips together.

“And that’s why I love you, Hisao. You are thoughtful, sincere and always curious about everything and everyone.”

“Didn’t I heard this line before somewhere?”

Lilly and I are starting to giggle, but Hanako is still troubled by this idea and move.

“B-but still! I can’t just i-invite him! *nearly whispering* Not that I don’t want to...”

*click* The pieces are on total defense, desperately protecting the king by all means.

“You don’t have to invite him, but I hope you give it a thought.”

*click* The final piece is brought down, sealing the outcome of this game.
Hanako relaxes visibly as her shoulders slump down and she lets out a big sigh.

“Okay Lilly, I will think about it.”

After checking the situation on the board, Lilly also realize the winner of this match.

“My my, did I really win? I was quite lucky this time.“

The bell for the end of lunch-time is ringing. We pack up and go back to our classrooms.


The sky is already tinted in an orange tone when I leave my room. With a little bag, containing a pyjama, my toothpaste and my daily dose of pills, I am heading to Lilly’s room for our usual get-together. Right before I enter the entry hall, I hear a distant sound of music nearby.
This time, I can’t shrug off my curiosity and thus I follow the sound of the louder becoming music. The next thing I see after turning the corner surprises me twice; The fact that I never noticed that there was a basketball court on the campus is already surprising, but the person who is playing on the court surprises me even more.
With a basketball-jersey over his T-shirt, shorts and what I think is a knee brace on his left knee, Andrei is shooting at the hoop from any position while the boom box on the sideline is blasting music.
I am not a basketball expert, but from what I see he really knows how to throw the ball, hitting nearly every shot. Even his ball-handling seems superb, dribbling the ball between his legs and behind his back casually, but there is one thing what disturbs me.
His face is tense; it looks like he is stifling…..pain. With every shot, with every step his face is tensing up even more, but there is no sign that he has quitting in mind. He even pushes himself further as he takes a run-up for, what I assume it is a dunk.
Without hesitation he starts to run towards the basket, dribbling the ball with his left hand. Every step should be painful for him, but he doesn’t slow down. Instead he even put more force into them and takes off. The jump allows him to put the ball from the back of his head into the hoop with ease using both of his hands. The landing however wasn’t as smooth as his dunk. His left knee just give in, letting him fall on the back with quite a force.
For a minute he just lay there, heavily breathing. Before I shout out to him, he stands up with an unexpected grin on his face. With this grin, he limps away with after gathering his things. As he walks away, I faintly hear his voice….

“Right hand in the sky, I put this on the Bible.
I’mma fly high ‘cause I am undeniable.
This is indescribable; take it where you got to go
And I just thought that y’all should know, I am undeniable.”

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:56 am
by Mirage_GSM
Okay, not bad for a first attempt to write in a foreign language.
Still a lot of grammar issues, the most glaring of which are the tenses. I suggest you ask around for a proofreader, since discussing all of them here would be cumbersome.

As for the story itself:
Why does Hisao remember the end of Lilly's path? 99% of your readers have already read it, so there's no reason to repeat it.
The h-scene right at the beginning seemed to be nothing but gratuitious. It doesn't add anything to the story.
Schools in Japan have a uniform. This also applies to foreign exchange students.

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 6:28 am
by M4rked0ne
Mirage_GSM wrote:Okay, not bad for a first attempt to write in a foreign language.
Still a lot of grammar issues, the most glaring of which are the tenses. I suggest you ask around for a proofreader, since discussing all of them here would be cumbersome.
First of all, thank you very much for your response and your (justified) criticism.

A proofreader would definitely come in handy, so it's a pretty good idea.
I shall search for one.
Mirage_GSM wrote: Why does Hisao remember the end of Lilly's path? 99% of your readers have already read it, so there's no reason to repeat it.
I used this flashback (or rather the whole first chapter) to tell the reader, where we are right now. Of course there are other ways to accomplish that, but so you can refresh the memory of this ending, which could have faded.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
The h-scene right at the beginning seemed to be nothing but gratuitious. It doesn't add anything to the story.
It's true that it doesn't add anything to the story, but it was never meant to add something in the first place. It should merely show that their relationship is still working or rather that their love is still there.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Schools in Japan have a uniform. This also applies to foreign exchange students.
Hisao also got his uniform afterwards, or did I misread that?

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 8:16 am
by Mirage_GSM
You can handle telling the reader where the story connects to the VN in one or two lines. There's no need to retell half a chapter.
In an extreme case, something beginning with "since that day in the hospital/after my second heart attack/..." or somehing similar would suffice.
I'm not sure it's explicitly stated when Hisao gets his uniform, but even if your OCs uniform wasn't ready for the first day, and even if Yamaku is pretty lenient in these matters, he probably would be expected to at least wear something more refined than what you described.
If you want me to proofread, send me a PM, and I'll give you my email adress.

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:18 am
by Yellow 13
Lilly's good ending and a Russian guy

I like where this is going

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:26 am
by Heartless Wanderer
M4rked0ne wrote: It's true that it doesn't add anything to the story, but it was never meant to add something in the first place. It should merely show that their relationship is still working or rather that their love is still there.
I understand what you're getting at here, but at this early stage of the story, where the reader is anxious to get to the main focus (the Hanako x OC matter) relatively soon, it would make more sense to artfully "fade to black" and skip the bulk of the scene entirely, not out of a need to censor it but simply out of a need to get it out of the way. There's one other specific point that irked me--the use of the "adolescent sex drive" banter seems redundant since that banter has already occurred once before. A bit of dialogue that acts as a callback to it would be nice but the wording acts as if this is the first time the point has been raised between them.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Hisao also got his uniform afterwards, or did I misread that?
The story actually doesn't specify whether or not he's wearing a uniform during his introduction class, only that there were several uniforms in his room and that his parents left a note saying he should go to the office if they didn't fit. It's a puzzling detail, because if he were already wearing one he would already know what size uniform fit him, and if he weren't you would think someone at some point would bring it up. I'm inclined to say that he just doesn't "think" about the uniform in his internal monologue until the next day because, as a Japanese high school student, he's so used to wearing it that mentioning he was would be like mentioning he also happened to be wearing his nose at the moment.

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:11 pm
by M4rked0ne
Mirage_GSM wrote: I'm not sure it's explicitly stated when Hisao gets his uniform, but even if your OCs uniform wasn't ready for the first day, and even if Yamaku is pretty lenient in these matters, he probably would be expected to at least wear something more refined than what you described.
He has his reasons why he didn't wear something more refined, but I don't want to tell too much about him yet.^^
Heartless Wanderer wrote: I understand what you're getting at here, but at this early stage of the story, where the reader is anxious to get to the main focus (the Hanako x OC matter) relatively soon, it would make more sense to artfully "fade to black" and skip the bulk of the scene entirely, not out of a need to censor it but simply out of a need to get it out of the way.
I could've done that, but personally I liked it more this way. ;D

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:36 am
by FlyingRiceBowl
Any updates?

Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+]

Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 9:58 pm
by M4rked0ne
FlyingRiceBowl wrote:Any updates?
Chapter 3 still gets proofread by a friend of mine and I'm currently working on Chapter 4. I think the update should happen in the next two weeks.

Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch3

Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 5:29 am
by M4rked0ne
Chapter 3

Another mundane day begins for me. Getting up, going to classes, listening to some music and playing basketball. This is my daily routine, more or less. Even though I just got here a week ago, I’m pretty sure that this routine will last till I graduate.
At least I don’t see how it would change. I barely talk to anyone and people hardly talk to me. Well, I can’t blame them; I don’t exactly look like someone with whom you should socialize with, really. I’m too different from these people, I don’t fit in here or anywhere else. I’ve accepted this fact.
The class rep and her loud sidekick apparently noticed it too as they stopped dragging me everywhere. Or they just got bored of me, I don’t know. I just wonder how they got that interested in me. An awkward and good for nothing guy like me shouldn’t have piqued their interest in the first place.

The alarm clock goes off a second time and this time it fulfills its purpose. Like always I barely got any sleep. I wonder when was the last time I fell asleep without trouble? A year hasn’t even passed and I’ve already forgot about this feeling.

I stand up and rub my sleepy eyes while I stagger to the bookshelf filled with my CDs. The case I pull out is so battered, that I almost rip off he front lid. I insert the CD into my stereo and go over the track list.

Track 11, that should do it.”

Like every morning, I need to listen to some good rhymes to get myself some momentum.
However, at the same time I find inner peace. I drop myself onto the bed again and close my eyes, letting the music flow through me; nothing else exists for me right now. A, for me, soothing sound is echoing inside the room. The intro is coming to its end and simultaneously my mouth slowly opens:

“Now I ain’t trying to be the greatest
I used to hate hip-hop, yup, because the women degraded
But Too Short made me laugh, like a hypocrite I played
A hypocrite, I stated, though I only recited half…”

It’s somewhat of a contradiction. While rapping, my mind is totally empty. The words are just leaving my mouth, like it was natural that they are doing so. Maybe…rapping, no music in general is essential for me to survive…like it is breathing for me… so raps are my breaths. Heh, I wonder what would happen if I would stop “breathing”…if you look at it from this side of the analogy, it should be a matter of course…

“…Gangsta rap-based filmings became the building blocks
For children with leaking ceilings catching drippings with pots
Coupled with compositions from Pac, Nas’s “It Was Written”
Intermixed with my realities and feelings
Living conditions, religion, ignorant wisdom and artistic vision
I began to jot, tap the world and listen, it drop…

My mom can’t feed me, my boyfriend beats
I have sex for money, the hood don’t love me
The cops wanna kill me, this nonsense built me
And I got no place to go
They bomb my village, they call us killers
Took me off the welfare, can’t afford the health care
My teacher won’t teach me, my master beats me
And it hurts me soul….”


The stereo goes quiet and I get up. While I attend my daily routine of brushing my teeth, showering and so on, I randomly think about how no one ever complained about the loud music. I only have two neighbors, a weird fella with bad eye-sight and a serious case of paranoia and a guy with messy hair from my class. I think his name was Hiso… or something like that. Anyway, it seems like they don’t care about it.

I step out of the shower and put on the school uniform reluctantly. Uniforms were never my thing. If I wear one, I feel like I’m losing a part of my individuality, just to be “accepted” by the society… fuck society and their system. Trying to unify everything and everyone. The schools are good examples for that bullshit too, shaping the student’s mind and opinion after their image and not allowing anyone to develop their own.

I roll the sleeves up to my elbows, let the first two buttons of my shirt open and keep the tie loose. Not that I want to stick out but the sleeves are too short for me and the tie feels like it suffocates me if I put it on properly. The teaching staff always got this annoying look, but to be honest….I don’t really care. I slip the dog tag under the shirt and leave the room for another mundane day.


The lunch bell rings. I wait in the classroom until the hall isn’t crowded with students, because I don’t particularly like to be crushed by the crowd. I don’t mind if I just get leftovers in the cafeteria, I’m not hungry in the first place.

Hiso and the dark-haired girl are also waiting here. If I would had to guess, she also doesn’t like crowds. She isn’t a very outgoing person, just like me. The only person she hangs out with is him, so it wouldn’t surprise me if that would be the case.


Funny. Here I am, sitting alone in a classroom and judging other people’s sociability. But the person who I judge has more friends than I have. Hypocrisy at its finest, I tell you that.
I just ignore the fact that they are working on an assignment the whole time, like they always do. What an ignorant bastard I am. I really hate this aspect of me, but I cannot silence these thoughts, demons, no matter how hard I try to suppress them.

The turmoil in the halls is dying down and after those two have finished their work and left the room I also make my way to the cafeteria.

The halls are quiet, only I and a few other students are lingering here. This silence, however, is disrupted by a scream of a girl and followed by a thud. In front of me I see the back of the usually silent girl with violet hair, sitting on the freshly wiped floor while rubbing her butt and groaning in pain. Carefully I step in front of the girl and as she looks up, her eyes meets mine…..




“I-I forgot to bring my lunch t-today, so I’ll go to the cafeteria to get something to eat, is that o-okay?”

“Sure, but you don’t always have to ask me for permission or something like that. Or do you want me to come with you?”

“N-N-No! You don’t have to….it’s…’s fine, r-really!”

“If you say so. Then I’ll go help Lilly prepare the tea.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in a bit!”

After Hisao and I part ways, I notice a solitary figure still sitting quietly in the class. He looks outside the window with his ever-present cold look. I stare at him for a moment before I see his gaze shifting a little. His eyes appear to be focused on my reflection on the glass. As soon as I realize that, I quickly exit the classroom out of embarrassment.
Outside the classroom my steps are slowing down and I become thoughtful. Why does he keep catching my attention? Even Hisao said that I am looking at him constantly and I can’t explain….

My feet are slipping and my body loses its balance. I try to steady myself but it’s no use.
I fall on my butt with so much force that pain assails me. Rubbing the pain away, I notice a yellow sign besides me.

(“Caution! Wet floor!”)

Suddenly I feel the presence of someone with a delinquent look in front of me. Looking up I get caught in a cold pair of eyes, his eyes.

“You alright?”

He holds a hand in front of me, offering his help. Unconsciously I take his helping hand but unfortunately my burn scars are exposed while doing so. He let go off my hand and jumps back out of surprise…… least that’s what I expected. His eyebrow is lifting up at the sight, but still he helps me up to my feet without hesitation.

“Something wrong?”

I’m a little bit shocked by the fall, but what makes me speechless is him. His attitude is cold, but his words and actions contain a little bit of friendliness. I could only stammer some words as response.

“N-N-No….I-I-I’m o-ok….”

“Ha…..naka, right?

“I-It’s H-Hanako…..”

“Shit. Sorry, guess I’m not used to the names here yet……. Anyway, I gotta go Hanako. Watch your step next time.”

He turns around and walks away, limping towards the cafeteria with his hands in his pockets.
It takes me a few moments to realize that I was being stared at. I also start walking again and decide to go after him; at least I should thank him for helping me up.


Watching outside the window aloof, Andrei is already sitting at a table when I finally catch up to him. He was fast despite his limping. But before I talk to him I choose to get some bread. Well at least that’s what I planned to do, but there isn’t even a single loaf left. Today isn’t my lucky day. First I slip and fall and now this. A heavy sigh escapes my mouth. The day can’t get any worse, can it?
I look towards his table. Andrei hadn’t moved an inch, it’s like he’s paused while the world around him keeps rotating. This scene is somewhat … sad. He is sitting alone at the table, his paper bag untouched with a look like he is waiting for something. But beside the sadness, a familiar feeling is overcoming me.

Anxious I move towards Andrei, taking deep and long breaths to keep my calm. He notices my approach and turns his head towards me which startles me a little bit.

“What’s up?”

“Well, I-I just w-wanted to…wanted t-to…thank you.”

“Huh? ”

“I-I mean, y-you helped me up and I didn’t even thanked y-you….so I-I just wanted to say t-thank you…..”

“Hm….That’s what you’re talking about. No need to thank me, wasn’t a big deal anyway. I mean, there were plenty other students who would’ve helped you up, right?”

“B-but I would’ve felt bad if I d-didn’t thank you.”

“Like I said, not a big deal…..By the way, I never saw you in the cafeteria. Did you forget your lunch or something?”

“Y-Yes, I wanted to get some bread, b-but there isn’t anything left.”

He clicks his tongue quietly and goes silent. After a small, what I assume was a pause for thought, Andrei reaches for the white paper bag which was in his focus since he went quiet.

“It can’t be helped…..Here, take it. It’s Anpan…. or whatever it’s called.”

“B-but then y-you don’t have anything t-to eat.”

“I’m not really hungry and also I’m not into this sort of bread.”

“N-No, I can’t acce…”

“Just take it, I don’t need it. Like I said I’m not hungry so take it.”

Still with hesitation, I accept his offer.

“T-T-Thank you…”

Suddenly, Lilly’s words are popping up my mind: “… couldn’t hurt to invite him for lunch, don’t you think Hanako?”…... I’m already talking to him, he has probably time right now..….
I make up my mind and decide to go for it.

“W-Well, I thought that m-maybe, we could…..”

My face is starting to get hot and my mind is getting numb. Focus Hanako! You can do it!

Andrei raise his eyebrow in curiosity.

“We could……what?”

“I-I thought we could…..we could…….I-I just had the idea, t-that we could…….I….I…I….”

I can’t say it. I can’t withstand my anxiety. And so, I give up a good chance and let the angst-ridden Hanako take control.


Hisao once told me that, when I ran off the first time I met him, I was so fast that I could easily compete with Emi. It took me only seconds to vanish from his field of vision. The same thing happened right now.
I leave the cafeteria in a split second and before I could even realize it I’m already in front of the tea room. After grasping what just happened, my head drops in disappointment.
With a long and quiet squeak the door opens and a pleasant smell of tea hits my nose. Inside is Lilly resting her head on Hisao’s shoulder while he’s holding her hand.

“There you are Hanako, took you long enough. Something happened back there?”

“….Y-Yeah, I-I think I messed up…..”


A little shout-out to my bro Kairyuka, who proofread this chapter for me. Thanks bro!

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 5:04 am
by pandaphil
Looking forward to seeing more. I think you do a pretty good job of nailing Hanako's personality. Of course as always, I'm a bit nervous when she gets involved with an OC. I hope he's gentle with her.

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 5:54 am
by M4rked0ne
pandaphil wrote:Looking forward to seeing more. I think you do a pretty good job of nailing Hanako's personality. Of course as always, I'm always a bit nervous when she gets involved with an OC. I hope he's gentle with her.
Thank you for your reply, I'm happy that you liked it.
I can reassure you that he'll be gentle with her, he's a kind soul even though he don't looks like that at first glance.

Sadly, I didn't have much time for writing on this fanfic these last months because of an internship but now I should have time to start writing again.
When the new chapter comes out is written in the stars, but before I make a deadline and fuck it up, I just keep working on it in my own pace and hope that I can finish and post it rather quickly.

Re: Life vs. Living [OC x Hanako/post Lilly-good end/18+] Ch

Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:12 am
by TacticalBacon
Bookmarked just in case you are still writing this

loving it so far, great writing with just some minor hiccups here and there

the OC seems likeable, really looking forward to reading more about him

Keep up the good work