Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart

Post by demonix » Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:00 pm

There's been a slight change in plans as I'll be completing the rest of the prologue before posting it since I want to make sure everything looks right (unlike in the first part where I forgot one part of it) to me before letting it out on the forum (the second part is just about done, but I'll most likely be banging my head against the desk when writing part three since some of it will be partly based on what happened in part two with a lot of it coming from thin air).

I've also got to get my head down to come up with a list of characters that will appear during the story (along with their names and where appropriate their disability).

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart

Post by demonix » Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:02 pm

The whole of the prologue has now been written, but it just needs a bit of tweaking before I let it out (one bit of part three might be completely re-written depending on what I get once I go through one part of the game again).

The first chapter has already been started on which is about as far as I'll go without a full or partial supporting character list (the first chapter only focuses on the main character and a few of the known characters from the game, so I can get this done without running into any stumbling blocks).

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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart

Post by demonix » Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:40 pm

A little update on how things are going.

Chapter 1 has now been finished, but a bit of it along with bits of the two unpublished parts of the prologue need to be altered to reflect my more recent thoughts on the build up to the main part of the story (only one piece of chapter one needs changing, and that's just to make that part a bit more believable).

I have also been thinking about how the story will progress, and after this little experiment with having parts of the pre-story being told from the viewpoint of others (even though two don't feature in the main story) I've decided to include some side story elements from the viewpoints of other characters currently in the story or those who will be entering the main story (the first of the side story parts will be from the viewpoint of a character who will feature in the main story in the future and has already been mentioned in the first chapter).

Something I have been contemplating is the duration of time between graduation and the events in this story as the six years I stated at the start was just a ballpark figure I pulled out and I need to be more sure as I need to get the year the story is based in correct (my guess was based on 4 years for university or where ever each character went plus 2 years working at Yamaku before the actual start of this story, so if I've gotten my guess correct then I can at least get the correct year in my head for this little story).

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart

Post by demonix » Thu May 02, 2013 7:08 pm

I've finally decided to let the second part of the prologue out of the bag (I know I said that I would be posting the rest of the prologue story at the same time, but there are still some parts of part three that need some work).

This has had some alterations from the original writing, so some parts have been extended beyond what I'd normally write in one sentence and some parts might be a complete mess and would need changes that I wouldn't be able to see (although one person will know where I got some of the influence for this monster of a story).

Just a few more notes before I do the usual copy and pasta. Make sure to read the note at the end of this part before making comments about one part of this bit of the story, and (this isn't story related, but I don't want any complaints) I'll be following the practise of others and putting update notifications into the subject line but it'll be in a date/month format and not the usual month/date format everyone else uses.

And without and further ado, here's the second part of the pre story (probably with a few errors included).

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Prologue Part 2
Planning for the future

The meeting is over, and I feel like I've won a massive victory for one of the patients under my care.

Kouta Sakurada.

Everyone, myself included thought that he could cope with everything including what happened to his parents, but all our hopes were dashed when he was found on the roof just moments away from taking his own life.

Only one person was able to talk him down, but it wasn't until later that I found out that this person was the surviving officer that responded to the incident where he was discovered.

Something we did find out from the tests we ran after that incident was that part of what he'd been dosed with before his legs were hacked off was still present in his blood, and that one of the substances was a drug that was meant to treat depression which had been banned after some nasty side affects were discovered, but if you turned it into an injectable solution and mixed it with the other item that had been found at the scene then you have a rather powerful anaesthetic which increases the length of time the suicidal side affect is present.

With the help of our savour we managed to get him through most of the recovery process, but she stopped coming over a week ago and she told me that she was starting a new job meaning that she couldn't visit because of it.

This didn't have the same effect as the previous news due to the lack of that mix of drugs in his blood, but it did cause the depressed state he'd had the whole time to worsen to a point where he doesn't even get out of his bed to get used to his new prosthetics even though we did add a few centimetres to them.

I didn't really have the time to spend with him since I had other patients to deal with as well as sorting out what would happening with his rehabilitation along with other things.

That was something I was focusing on since the school year would be starting soon, and I knew of the perfect place he could go since the place had undergone a substantial expansion which with the extra facilities meant that he could continue his education whilst learning to walk on his prosthetics, but the higher ups wanted to send him to a hospital that was more for those with mental conditions even though he doesn't have any form of mental condition.

He didn't really need that, and it took a lot of convincing in the meeting I just came out of that sending him to Yamaku academy to get his rehabilitation going along with his education was the better option.

They decided to go with my option, but they threw a spanner into the works in the form of a catch that someone had to help with his emotional state otherwise the original plan would be used.

Considering that he's turning into a total shut in it's definitely a good idea now that I've had a bit of time to think it over, and I think that I have the right person for the job since she used to work here before moving onto Yamaku to become the head nurse there.

I knew that a therapist would probably be better, but something is telling me that she experienced a similar loss at some point in her life.

My first encounter with Hanako Ikezawa was rather brief since she was running down the corridor at the time, but I didn't really know why until later.

The second encounter lasted a lot longer as I was dealing with one of my patients who was in the same ward she was working in, and I asked her why she decided to become a nurse.

It turns out that even though she had skills that would have yielded other career paths, she decided to become a nurse because of a friend she knew at her old school.

However, the path to her goal was paved with challenges as most of the patients didn't want anything to do with her because of the scars that are quite visible on the right side of her face, and she was also bullied by some of the staff on the ward who thought that she didn't belong there.

She didn't give up on this even though all that and the times I found her running into one storage room or another in what looked like a full blown panic attack, since she told me that if there were patients who felt more at ease talking to her along with staff that respected her, then she wouldn't give up no matter what she had to go through.

The tables did turn in her favour eventually as the number of patients who didn't want anything to do with her became as few as those who did in the beginning, and the bullying from the other staff also ended once they knew how good an asset she was to the team which led to her gaining the respect of the staff and coming out above the other student nurses.

There were several members of staff and patients who were saddened when Hanako decided to take a job as head nurse at her old high school, which came as a surprise to her since she hadn't told anyone about what she was doing which included her closest friends who were kept in the dark about her career choice even when they spoke.

It made me wonder if things would have been different if she had stayed, but this wasn't the time to think about what might have happened since I've got to make an important phone that will decide if my plans can go ahead.

“Are you sure that you can get the okay for that”, I asked.
“I should be able to once I've explained as much as I can”, Hanako said “and I should be able to get one of the rooms in the new dorm building”.

I was surprised that the first thing Hanako suggested to deal with this was to live with him in the dorms, but once she'd explained that the rooms in the new dormitory building were larger then in the older dorm buildings and that they were meant for two then everything became a bit clearer.

“I'll leave this in your hands”, I said “I've just got to tell the higher ups that I've gotten the okay from you as well as telling Kouta the news and getting his file ready to be sent to you even though you already know most of what it contains”.
“Do you think he'll accept this”, Hanako asked.
“We can only hope that he does”, I said “but keeping his education on track along with the location of the school might convince him to go”.

We could have spoken about this for ages, but I had people to contact and patients to check up on, including delivering some news to one of them.

Once the call had ended, I contacted the higher ups to say that everything that was required by them was in the process of being arranged and headed out to do my rounds with Kouta being the last on the list.

I managed to get through most of my rounds a bit quicker then expected, and I've just got the news that I need to deliver to Kouta in a hope that he accepts what I'm about to tell him.

His room looked the same as it always has with his prosthetic limbs still at the side of his bed, and a rather prominent lump showing underneath the sheets on the bed which is where he stays for most of the day.

“She's not coming back, is she”, a seemingly disembodied voice said.
“She did say that her job is going to take up a bit of her time now”, I said remembering that I hadn't mentioned Miki's new job.
“I thought that she'd quit that job”, the voice said “she told me that much”.
“She got a new job”, I said “but I'm not even sure what it is and where it is”.

That was true since Miki didn't tell me anything beyond the new job bit.

“Did you come to tell me that I'm being sent to some loony bin hospital”, the voice said “I've heard a few people saying that is what was going to happen”.
“I didn't think that would be the best option for you”, I said “and it took a bit of convincing to have my plan heard and given the go ahead”.

I placed the brochures the I'd brought into the bed, and they disappeared under the covers a little while later.

“A school”, the voice said “how is a school supposed to help me”.
“Yamaku academy is different since it's geared more towards helping those with disabilities get the education they might not get in mainstream schooling”, I said “and it underwent a major expansion of the main school building and the other facilities which means that you can continue on with your education as well as relearning how to walk on those prosthetics”.
“It's still going to take a while to get there every day”, the voice said “I don't really have anywhere to live now”.

He does have a point since he told the people who were dealing with the families estate to clean up and sell the house which I wouldn't blame him for, but that doesn't really count here and his living plans after graduation would be sorted out well before that time.

“A majority of the students reside in the school dormitories and I'm certain that you'll have a place to call your own well before you graduate”, I said “and the head nurse there used to work here before she moved onto Yamaku”.

I thought that mentioning Hanako might help convince him, but nothing was said for at least ten minutes until he emerged from under the covers.

“I guess that I should be thinking more about my education and my rehabilitation”, Kouta said “at least there's a few people out there that are thinking about that instead of locking me away in some loony bin of a hospital”.

It felt like I'd won a great victory even if Kouta's voice did sound extremely distant.

“I'll go get the ball rolling”, I said “we should have everything ready by the start of the school year”.

Well I still had to get in touch with Yamaku to get his admission finalised, his uniform, clothes and other things that would be needed sent either here or to what will be his room at Yamaku and I had to call Hanako again since she needed to know that Kouta had given this the okay.

I have a feeling that this is going to take me a while to get done, so I'd better get on with it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

It's 2014 at this point in the story (it would be 2008 when they graduated plus six years to this part), so keep the slight future element in mind before commenting on some bits of this part.

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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 2 added 3/5)

Post by carrion_crow » Fri May 03, 2013 1:38 pm

Im really enjoying this fic. Its in a different direction than most post-KS fan fics.....even though its updates are slow. Just don't abandon :o !! My only concern is the head nurse (Hanako) living in the dorms with a student? Little far fetched and/or sketchy isn't it?
Akira=Miki>Lily>Emi>Rin>Hanako...........and shizune I guess

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 2 added 3/5)

Post by demonix » Fri May 03, 2013 6:29 pm

carrion_crow wrote:Im really enjoying this fic. Its in a different direction than most post-KS fan fics.....even though its updates are slow. Just don't abandon :o !! My only concern is the head nurse (Hanako) living in the dorms with a student? Little far fetched and/or sketchy isn't it?
Some parts of this story are a departure from the norm for me as this is the first time I've written from multiple viewpoints (I did do something similar in one of my older stories, but that was just an attempt to inject some drama into one part of that story), and I've already gotten the last part of the prologue (from the viewpoint of the sweatervest wearing master of romance) and the first chapter of the story completed but as I said they still need some work doing to them and I won't be posting the first chapter until I've written the first two parts of the side story (getting any work done depends on how much time I have left before I have to shut down the computer (this is on my daytime writing shift) along with having enough ideas for the part of the story I'm working on (I normally have ideas for the story beyond where I currently am, but there are times where I get stuck mid chapter) and I've allocated three stories to that time slot (I work on one chapter of one story before moving onto the next) so updates will be slow depending on what story I'm working on, but I'm currently working on the changes I need to make to the parts of this story I haven't posted along with the other elements I've already mentioned).

The bit about Hanako living in the dorms with a student would sound a little far fetched at the moment, but what is written here is only part of the story and the last part of the prologue along with one of the side story parts should explain everything.

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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 2 added 3/5)

Post by carrion_crow » Sun May 05, 2013 5:37 pm

Well I'm glad to see that this is different from the norm and is actually captivating despite what some other readers may say about the technicalities of trauma patients. I also enjoy you're writing style. Not something you see to often. I'll be monitoring :o
Akira=Miki>Lily>Emi>Rin>Hanako...........and shizune I guess

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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 2 added 3/5)

Post by demonix » Sat May 11, 2013 6:06 pm

After a few days of hesitation and making a few final corrections, I've finally gotten the final part of the prologue buttoned up and ready to post.

Like with the last part, this has had several changes and as such I might have missed some things (although I have been checking my tenses on this part over the past few days).

This part might take us to the beginning of the actual story, but I've also used it to cover what happened to most of the other characters over the past 6 years (although I might be dropping a bombshell in this chapter).

I'll be adding some extra notes at the end of this part, so please read them before commenting in case your question has already been answered there.

And now that I'm done with my rambling, it's on with the show.

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Prologue Part 3
First Day

I always wondered if a teacher looked through the register for their first homeroom class, but now that I've done that, I just wished that I hadn't since one name is more memorable then the others.

Kouta Sakurada

A few months ago I couldn't go through any newspaper or TV news channel without hearing that name or what had happened to him.

His parents were brutally murdered and he barely survived with most of his limbs intact thanks to the killer making a mistake that allowed the police to be called earlier then expected, but the police also suffered the loss of one officer who was beheaded by the killer.

It turned out that it was the end of a killing spree by this person which only ended because he made a mistake and broke in whilst the parents were still awake, and their shouting and screaming helped raise the alarm that lead to his arrest.

Since Yamaku now has the facilities to help in getting him back on his prosthetic feet, it would be easy to figure out why he's being sent here but since some time has passed since his hospitalisation it would be a bit of an upheaval since he must have been through some rehabilitation at the hospital he was sent to.

There is one person who would have the answers to most of my questions, and even though I was planning to head there with Lilly I decided to go to her office a little earlier before I headed to the classroom, but as I picked up all the paperwork, register and the small envelope with Kouta's name on it I noticed a familiar person walking towards me.

“There's still time before lessons start”, Akio said “or are you worried that your first homeroom class will go badly”.
“It's more about one of the students”, I said “I can't think as to why he'd be coming here whilst undergoing rehabilitation elsewhere”.

The expression on the face of my former science teacher changed to what looked like deep thought for a few seconds until he'd figured out who I was talking about.

“Not everything is that clearly known. Even if the news stated that he was doing well that might not be the whole story”, Akio said “it's the same with scientific discoveries as you won't know everything straight away”.
“That's why I'm going to see Hanako”, I said “since she would have more information then I have, even though there'd be a lot of stuff that she wouldn't be able to tell me”.
“She should be able to give you enough information to put your mind at ease without breaching doctor patient confidentiality”, Akio said.

I only nodded in response to that, and Akio took his leave and headed to his desk whilst I headed out of the faculty room, only stopping at the door to look at Lilly who is sitting at her desk on the other side of the room before continuing out and to the office that was now occupied by Hanako.

The time since I graduated from this place to the time when I returned had been a bit rocky, but most of those were because Lilly had been concerned that Hanako might have regressed back to her old self since contact with her was sporadic after she'd found her own place to live, and when there was contact, Hanako seemed to be extremely uneasy and would dodge certain questions.

One thing that didn't really cause much concern was my arrhythmia since it has become more stable after that attack I had whilst trying to stop Lilly from leaving Japan, although there still was the odd flutter but even those started to get less frequent with the count going down to just one last year which only happened because Lilly wanted me to take charge in the bed for once.

Our future plans went a bit more smoothly even with Lilly's concerns about Hanako since our similar career paths meant that we went to the same university, but we weren't in all the same classes since I was aiming to be a science teacher whilst Lilly was aiming to be an English teacher.

Those concerns Lilly had about Hanako turned out to be unnecessary after I got a call from a still overly loud Mi- I mean Shiina.

It turns out that Shizune had come into quite a lot of money a little while after graduating, and a few shrewd investments later turned her into a multi millionaress.

She didn't sit on that pile of money for long as she became one of the main benefactors for Yamaku which allowed for a major expansion to go ahead, but that also required the recruitment of more staff which is what the call was about.

Shiina had contacted most of the people from back when we were at Yamaku, but when I asked if Hanako was amongst them she just dodged the question.

We ended up with the biggest surprise of our lives when we checked in with the head nurse on our first day, and found Hanako sitting at the desk instead of who I was expecting to be there.

Lilly was the most overjoyed out of the two of us as to this turn of events, but I was surprised that Hanako was able to keep this hidden from us for so long.

It was only during the celebration we'd arranged at short notice that Hanako told me that I was the reason that she decided to become a nurse.

I'd have to guess that bearing witness to the worst part of my condition during our trip to Hokkaido, along with hearing about that heart attack I had when I was trying to stop Lilly from leaving Japan swayed her into going down that path and not those that she would have been more skilled at.

Lilly and I had put our future as a couple on hold through our university years, but once the family as Lilly put it was back together, I got the ball rolling again and proposed to Lilly once I'd found the ring that I bought about a year ago for this moment.

Hanako couldn't have been happier after hearing the news, and Akira said that this was something I should have done a lot sooner when we told her, but after I'd explained that we'd put advancing our relationship on hold until after our graduation from university she told me not to have the wedding too soon.

We decided to abide by her request, but that was only because we couldn't get anything arranged for a few weeks which was more then enough time for Akira to get a flight to Japan so she could be there for her sisters wedding.

My reminiscing about the past finally ended when I arrived at the door to the head nurses office.

There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.

This room hasn't changed much since I was a student, apart from the extra bed along with it's new occupant, and she has changed greatly as her bangs on the right side no longer covered the scars on the right side of her face along with her less frequent stuttering, but since she never said anything about what happened during her training to be a nurse, I wouldn't have any idea what she went through.

“Oh, Hisao”, Hanako said “I didn't expect you to come so soon”.
“There's something I needed to talk to you about, so I thought that I should come on my own”, I said “it's about one of the students”.

Hanako seemed to know who I was talking about even without mentioning his name.

“I find it unusual that he's being sent here now”, I said “wouldn't it be a bit of an upheaval since he should be going through rehabilitation at the hospital he is currently at”.
“He hasn't done any rehab on his legs”, Hanako said “there were a few problems, so he'll be starting that here”.

I don't remember there being any problems in the news reports, but before I could ask anything else there was a knock on the door which ended the discussion for the moment.

“I'm sorry for disturbing you, Hanako”, Lilly said “but is Hisao in here?”
“He is”, Hanako said “we were just talking about one of the new students”.
“I needed to have something cleared up”, I said looking rather sheepish as we were going to come here first before heading off to our respective classrooms.
“You must be talking about Sakurada. I did notice his name in the list of new students”, Lilly said “so he's been assigned to your homeroom class”.

I was about to confirm what Lilly had said, but I suddenly noticed some keys on the desk and when I asked Hanako about it, her response was nothing but incoherent stuttering.

“Would those be the same keys that are in this envelope”, I asked as I held up the envelope that is amongst the items I'd brought with me.
“I'm going to take care of him and try to help with his other problems when I'm not on duty”, Hanako said “it was one of the terms his doctor needed to sort out to allow him to come here”.
“There could be a few problems there”, Lilly said “you never know what could happen with two people of the opposite sex in one room”.

Hanako isn't like you, little Miss healthy adolescent sex drive, besides, I'd highly doubt that she would go that far with a student.

“Are you sure that you'll be able to cope”, I asked “even the bigger rooms in the dormitory would be a bit tight for two”.
“I managed to get one of the rooms in the new dorm building”, Hanako said “being here all the time means that I'm more easily reachable if something major happens when I'm not on duty”.

The new dorm building is mostly for putting people who can help others out together in the same room with the rooms being of varying sizes, but that was more for pairing up those of the same gender although Hanako did say that she is helping him out beyond his physical injuries, so she might have been able to convince those who sort out the room assignments along with others to allow them to reside in one room.

“What about the holidays”, I asked “I'd doubt that you'd want to stay here during that time”.
“I'd be taking him to my place”, Hanako said “unless I have to be here during those times”.
“I'm guessing that you'd have to get him some appropriate clothing”, Lilly asked “since you always turn up on your motorbike”.
“I'll have to take him to the city to get that sorted”, Hanako said “they'll most likely have to be ordered in or custom made if they don't have the right sizes available or the exact size isn't available”.
“At least it's better then that pile of scaffolding Emi calls a car”, I said remembering the day Emi turned up in that thing she called her car.
“Regardless, it looks like there'll be another person joining the family”, Lilly said.

What Lilly said reminded me of what she'd told me during our trip to Hokkaido, but there was what happened just before graduation.

I hadn't told my parents about Lilly until then, but since she didn't have anywhere to go as what was her home had been sold along with the other properties the Satou family owned in Japan.

As I talked to my parents about allowing Lilly to stay until we were able to get our own place, I started thinking about Hanako since she had told me as much as she wanted to tell me about her past only two weeks prior, and I realised that she might be in the same situation as Lilly with no place to call her own after graduation.

With that running through my mind, I decided to put discussing the plans on hold until I'd spoken to Lilly and more importantly Hanako about my plans.

Lilly thought that we shouldn't tell Hanako until graduation as she wanted it to be a surprise, but Hanako walked in during the conversation with my parents and after a brief conversation they said that they would try to get as much as they could ready before graduation.

I was surprised that things turned out the way they did, but my parents didn't make the same mistake I made the first time I met Hanako which made things easier on her even though she was making good progress in coming out of her shell.

They weren't able to everything ready by the time we graduated, but for Hanako it was more than enough and it gave her the time she needed to sort out what she wanted to do and to find a place to call her own.

There were more then a few tears when Hanako departed for her own place, but before she left, Lilly said that she would always be a part of our family.

“I guess that he would”, Hanako said before being rudely interrupted by the door opening and another familiar person walking in.

“Did you ever learn how to knock, Emi”, I said looking at the pint sized PE teacher “you never know what is happening on the other side of the door”.
“This is important since I've heard that Sakurada is coming here”, Emi said in her usual upbeat tone “if he's managed to get back on his feet this soon, then I'll have him running laps around the track in no time at all”.
“You'll do nothing of the sort”, I said “he hasn't even relearned how to walk and most of his after school time for this first year will be allocated to his rehabilitation”.
“Who are you talking about”, a voice asked and as I looked towards the door to find Miki standing there.

Miki was one of the surprises for this year as she was offered a job at the same time as the rest of us only to turn it down, but she called around a month ago asking if it was still available.

“Just one of the first years”, I said.
“Which one”, Miki asked although she decided not to wait for a reply and made a grab for the register I'm holding, and once she'd looked at the list of names the expression on her face changed to one of shock whilst the colour was trying to drain from her face.
“So I'm guessing that you already know him”, I asked with my gut instinct telling me that she'd found his name.
“Pretty much. I've saved his life twice”, Miki said “the first was when his legs were taken from him, and the second was when he was at the hospital”.
“There wasn't any reports of any problems while he was at the hospital”, I said.

Miki was looking extremely uneasy as to where this was going, but after a few seconds she started speaking again.

“They didn't want this to get out. Everyone thought that he took the news of what happened to his parents well, but it turns out that he didn't and he tried to take his own life even though there was another reason for that”, Miki said trying to maintain her composure with each word she uttered “I lost track of how long it took to talk him down off the fence on the hospitals roof”.

Emi had a shocked look on her face after hearing that as was Lilly although her expression wasn't exactly the same, and when I looked at Hanako she just nodded almost as if she is confirming what Miki had said.

“Wouldn't that mean that he wouldn't be able to come here”, I said.
“I think that would only be for those who had pre existing mental conditions”, Lilly said “you could just call this a blip on his life which hasn't reoccurred”.
“Lilly is correct”, Hanako said “he hasn't tried to take his life after that and it was discovered that he was still being affected by whatever he'd been injected with, and with Miki's help they managed to get him to a point where he could start learning how to walk again”.
“I did hear that one of the substances had been banned because of some nasty side affects”, Miki said.

As soon as she'd said that her expression changed again.

“I'd guess that the kid hates me now since I walked out on him”, Miki said “if I'd have known that he would be coming here then I would've told him a lot sooner”.
“This was all done at short notice”, Hanako said “if I hadn't decided to take care of him then he wouldn't be coming here”.

“All we can do at this time as his instructors and carers of his health and well-being is to make sure that we bring out the best in him, and to mould him into a fine person”, Lilly said as she broke the silence and then decided to change the subject “I think that we should start getting to our respective areas since classes should be starting soon, and Hanako needs to get ready as well”.

Lilly is right on that point as I checked my watch and found that if we stayed here any longer, I'd be at risk of breaking the promise I made to myself not to be late to any of the classes I would be teaching since there wasn't a time where my former homeroom/science teacher walked into class several minutes late.

Miki and Emi were the first to depart and headed in their respective directions while I waited for Lilly to get herself ready before leaving Hanako to the stacks of files that are on her desk.

“I'd have to guess that the next three years will be pretty interesting”, Lilly said “by the way, have you spoken to her yet”.
“Not yet”, I said as I started to feel a bit uneasy about what Lilly had said “there hasn't been that much of an opportunity”.

What Lilly was talking about I referred to as the other surprise addition to the staff this year.

Iwanako.

I hadn't seen her since when I was in hospital, so this came as a bit of a shock to me when she was introduced as a new member of the teaching staff replacing the recently departing art teacher.

However, Lilly wanted me to put what she called final closure on things after I told her everything that happened during the time I was in hospital after the first attack.

It was going to be difficult to approach her since she has been trying to avoid me, but Lilly was adamant that I get this done.

“I should be fine from here”, Lilly said once we entered the old school building “I wouldn't want to make you late for your first homeroom class”.

Lilly headed towards the stairs using the wall for guidance, and I started walking towards one of the corridors which would take me to my homeroom class.

There were only a few students walking around looking for their classrooms, but when I got close to the classroom I suddenly noticed a wheelchair that was motionless in the corridor and it's occupant looking around at the doors ahead of it.

After hearing what Hanako said about him not having done any rehabilitation at the hospital, this would most likely be the more obvious way he'd get around for the time being.

Something that was confusing me is why he's out here looking rather lost since he should have at least been given directions to the classroom beforehand.

The chime of the bell echoes through the corridor putting an end to my promise to not get to any class late, but since one of my students is lost and is currently right in front of me, helping him out takes priority since we're heading to the same classroom.

As I walked towards the wheelchair, it started to turn around and I got my first actual look at the occupant along with confirmation as to who it was.

Those pictures of him from those news reports helped with the identification, but things were different here as there didn't seem to be that much sign of life coming from beyond those mismatched eyes.

A feeling of awkwardness descended over us as I was at a loss as to what I should say, and Kouta was looking at me like a deer trapped in the headlights of a car for about a minute before looking down.

“Lost all the paperwork”, Kouta mumbled.

That would explain why he was out here still looking for the classroom since there is always the odd gust of wind that hits around this time of the year around here, and if he got caught out by a really strong gust then anything he was holding would have been gone with the wind with no chance of getting them back.

We can't stay here looking like a couple of statues since we have a classroom to get to, but since we're heading for the same classroom and it isn't that far away it won't take us long to get there.

“We should get going since you wouldn't want to be too late to your first class”, I said as I placed the envelope into his jacket pocket “you'll need that once you're done for the day and I'll try and get the other paperwork you'll need”.

There weren't any handles on his wheelchair for me to help him to go in the correct direction, but he got the general idea when I started walking as turned the wheelchair in the direction I was heading in and started following me.

I just hope that I was able to make a good impression with that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The expansion has doubled the amount of classes to eight for each year with a majority of the original teachers still working alongside the newer staff.

I also believe that they don't do the usual shuffling of students at Yamaku as they group people with certain disabilities in one class.

If anyone is wondering what car Emi has then put ariel atom into google and you'll get your answer (a pile of scaffolding is probably the best way to describe it).

And the MC does have heterochromia (there'll be a better explanation in the second chapter)

Now I've gotten the prologue completed, it's on to the main story along with any side story elements I feel need to be written (chapter one is already done, but it requires some alterations along with the three (I did say there were only going to be two to accompany the first chapter, but I had a brainwave a little while ago and decided to add a third) side story chapters that mostly run alongside the first chapter.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon May 13, 2013 8:49 am

There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
Just one example of the numerous temporal switches.

I'm deliberately withholding any comments on the plot...

...except for one:
“I lost track of how long it took to talk him down off the fence on the hospitals roof”.
Bit hard for someone who "hasn't even relearned to walk" to go up to the roof and climb a fence^^°
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by carrion_crow » Mon May 13, 2013 11:21 am

Great read. I agree with Mirage on the fence part. When I read that he was a double amputee my first thought was......How did he climb the fence? Plot is looking good though. When i looked up Ariel atom I immediately imagined it and thought to myself, "I would not be surprised. Not one bit"
Akira=Miki>Lily>Emi>Rin>Hanako...........and shizune I guess

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by demonix » Mon May 13, 2013 5:48 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
Just one example of the numerous temporal switches.
If your talking about tenses then I changed that one from was to is at the eleventh hour (unless there's something else I've missed) and is one of a few places where I had to change what tense is being used.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
“I lost track of how long it took to talk him down off the fence on the hospitals roof”.
Bit hard for someone who "hasn't even relearned to walk" to go up to the roof and climb a fence^^°
He used a wheelchair to get as close as he could to the roof and then used other methods to get the rest of the way there and up the fence (I'll let Miki explain most of what happened, and I'm not going to be telling how he started to scale the fence as he'll be using that skill later on in the story).

Silentcook
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by Silentcook » Tue May 14, 2013 4:54 am

demonix wrote:There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
demonix wrote:If your talking about tenses then I changed that one from was to is at the eleventh hour (unless there's something else I've missed) and is one of a few places where I had to change what tense is being used.
That is still incorrect, regardless of other considerations. You could use:
There was no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announces that I can come in after I knock on the door.
but not that.
Shattering your dreams since '94.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue May 14, 2013 7:37 am

unless there's something else I've missed...
Well I guess there were a good dozen places where you switched between tenses. That's why I said "Just one example"
I I pointed them all out the post would be longer than your chapter, so you should probably look it over yourself...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by demonix » Tue May 14, 2013 5:19 pm

Silentcook wrote:
demonix wrote:There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
demonix wrote:If your talking about tenses then I changed that one from was to is at the eleventh hour (unless there's something else I've missed) and is one of a few places where I had to change what tense is being used.
That is still incorrect, regardless of other considerations. You could use:
There was no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announced that I could come in after I knocked on the door.
There is no hesitation in Hanako's voice when she announces that I can come in after I knock on the door.
but not that.
So I did miss something out.

Duly noted, and will be corrected once I get back to the master data (I'll edit the part here when I have the time, but I don't have much of that at this moment).
Mirage_GSM wrote:
unless there's something else I've missed...
Well I guess there were a good dozen places where you switched between tenses. That's why I said "Just one example"
I I pointed them all out the post would be longer than your chapter, so you should probably look it over yourself...
I've gone through that whole part several times, and I probably only picked out the more obvious errors whilst leaving in other errors that I would be blind to (trying to get the correct tenses is something I've been working on for a while, but it seems that I'm not that perfect and most likely will never be).

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demonix
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Re: Rebuilding A Broken Heart (Prologue part 3 added 11/5)

Post by demonix » Sat Sep 07, 2013 4:11 pm

Just a little update on progress, or lack of as I've been stuck in a rut at the start of the first side story chapter that runs alongside the first chapter but I'll get my head around the problem and get this story back on track once I've gotten what I'm working on completed (and it's not that far away from being completed).

Some of the time hasn't gone to waste as I've thought of a character or two who will be making an appearance later in the story (I still have to sort out names for the other characters, but I can leave that for a few chapters as the MC doesn't really get to know them by name for a while).

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