Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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brythain
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by brythain » Sat Jul 12, 2014 7:02 am

Thanatos02 wrote:Anyway, I'm at a loss for anything else I could say. I've still got ideas for an extra scene of sorts. Not necessarily an epilogue or anything huge like that, just something fun or summer-themed. God knows I need more excuses to write about Akira in a bikini. At any rate, thank you everyone for your compliments and your input. I really can't say it enough.
You're very, very welcome. There's never enough Akira around here; she's one of my favourite characters too! Thank YOU.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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TheGoatman
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by TheGoatman » Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:24 am

Thanatos02 wrote:Hey, looks like it's been a pretty long while. I didn't know when it would be appropriate to reply to finishing comments, or if it would be appropriate at all. I do feel like it would be a shame to just drop out without eventually saying thanks, though.
Really and truly, thank you everyone. For the compliments, the critiques, and the general well-wishing. Now that I've had a month to think about it, I really am glad about how it all turned out, in spite of all of the flaws that cropped up along the way.

I don't think I could say I've laid it to rest, though. I am kinda waiting on a title page for the whole thing. Just a drawing that could show everything at a glance, if you will. I've asked at least 20 different artists and a few have responded, although I've only gotten one that has confirmed that they'd like to do it, and it should be on its way finally. It's actually something I've been trying to get a hold of for over a year now, but it seems that over time the KS community has waned a bit, and there aren't as many artists that are willing to contribute (not that there's anything wrong with that.) I am still glad for what few pieces there are, though, and I've even been approached by a few people who say that I inspired them to take up drawing, which is a huge honor in and of itself. Fanart is always a wonderful thing haha.

Anyway, I'm at a loss for anything else I could say. I've still got ideas for an extra scene of sorts. Not necessarily an epilogue or anything huge like that, just something fun or summer-themed. God knows I need more excuses to write about Akira in a bikini. At any rate, thank you everyone for your compliments and your input. I really can't say it enough.
Epilogue? Who needs an epilogue, that's like.. an ending!

But really, you will never catch me complaining about more Akira
I'm just a rusty old goat and a poor writer by anyone's standards, so no need to take my advice to heart, and when you do, take a handful of salt with it.

poopooface
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by poopooface » Sat Jul 12, 2014 5:36 pm

Same here. :D
Hanako>Lilly>Emi>Rin>Shizune

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Mahorfeus » Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:41 am

Oh wow, I haven't commented on this in like, forever. And it's finished now. Well, here's a belated congratulations!

In all honesty, nothing could ever cement even the plausibility of this particular pairing in my head. And throughout this particular fic, I did find Hisao a bit too pushy at times; he always seems to say the things that Akira should be saying herself in those most crucial moments. Still, it wrapped up nicely, and it's always a joy to see a route get finished.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

Aeiou
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Aeiou » Wed Jul 16, 2014 2:46 pm

So what now, after this fantastic piece i imagine you'll be taking a break for a while?

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YutoTheOrc
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by YutoTheOrc » Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:41 am

Just finished reading this, really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed how you managed to flesh out Akira's character and her life. It was a very good read, and I'm glad I could see what might have.If Hisao didn't die in the canon manly picnic that is.

TEALE4LIFE
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by TEALE4LIFE » Sat Aug 16, 2014 11:48 pm

Wow mate, I really enjoyed this. I really did. I started reading after you had completed, hell, it may've been the very same month actually, but still, I really enjoyed every single minute I had reading this long, long story :D

I even got plagued with real life stuff for a time, and had to ditch this for a month or so right as I got into the final act, though constantly in my head was: "You need to complete that pseudo-route, it'll be one of the high points"

And it was one of the high points for me. So thank you, thanks Thanatos for occupying my time with something that has had a such a positive influence on me. I really appreciate it.

Bravo, and the best of luck.

ProtoChaud
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by ProtoChaud » Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:51 am

Much like several other people on this board, I've created an account specifically to comment on this story.

I'm honestly somewhat speechless.

I've always avoided fanfiction, (minus intentionally bad ones like My Immortal) due to rather bad experiences reading shitty 13 year old girls shipping Link and Ganondorf, or overly purple prose a la Christopher Paolini (I don't even have a problem with him effectively writing Star Wars X Lord of the Rings, or the obvious nepotism involved with the Inheritance Cycle's publication, but when you can't write a single line without {insert randomly high number here, I'm too lazy to be accurate, and too proud to be corrected later on} adjectives... sorry, got sidetracked. That happens with me.)

So imagine my surprise when, deciding on a whim to check out a fic mentioned on the mishimmie, I find myself using my entire weekend (monday counts this week. I only work part-time), and staying up until 4:00 am the night before I do have work the next day, to finish it.
This is one of the few things ever to make me forget to eat because I'm so absorbed in the narrative, the only other one coming to mind is The Hobbit, when I was 10.

I'm starting to think I may not be speechless after all. Go figure.

Well, to avoid making this a "tl:dr" situation, I'll be brief (with the rest of the post, obviously, considering how long it is so far, and... I'm making it even longer, aren't I? I should probably avoid stream-of-consciousness posts from now on, but I find it hard to truly express things otherwise...)

I adored every moment of the story (well, from a critical perspective I did. From a human perspective, my emotional responses were exactly what you'd expect depending upon the scene. Hallmark of a good writer: being able to turn the reader's emotions into your own personal marionettes, making them leap and fall at will.) Though being a hopeless romantic didn't hurt that.

You've inspired me to (perhaps) try my hand at writing again, though the few times I've tried before, I ended up with a hideously purple (much like the marionette metaphor above, though that's how I actually think) clichéd schlock-fest and eventually gave up.

Echoing a sentiment that's been stated by many other people on this very topic, if you end up in Columbia, SC, (or possibly Osaka considering I'll be taking a semester or more abroad, that is, after I get into USC in the first place. Oh why do I constantly look ahead...) in 2 1/2 years, I'll buy you a beer. (If in Columbia beforehand, I'd recommend Delaney's Irish Pub, though that's because I go to a monthly videogame tourney there, and... oh yeah, I had a point somewhere in that mess above...

Well, In Other Words HAHAHA. DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I USED THE TERM "IN OTHER WORDS" TO REFERENCE THE ORIGINAL TITLE OF "FLY ME TO THE MOON", THE SONG AFTER WHICH YOU NAMED THE FINAL CHAPTER OF YOUR- oh nevermind, it wasn't funny in the first place., thanks for writing this, it was beautiful, heartwarming, and has helped me through a deep depression.

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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:00 pm

And now I am finally caught up with the stories. That said, fantastic everything. I can't really say anything someone else hasn't already, but I really enjoyed this fic. It didn't really hold my attention early, which is why I stopped reading at one point before continuing again, but once it picked up I was hooked. Akira isn't really a girl I can see myself being romantically interested in, but it worked despite that. And kudos for making the father more sympathetic. At one point I even had a hard time not siding with him. He made some legitimately good points. Good job Thanatos, and looking forward to anything you may decide to write in the future.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi

Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune

Galasii
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Galasii » Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:51 pm

Amazing story! I love your writing of all the characters, perfectly seamless. You've turned Akira into one of my favorite KS girls!
Just keep in mind, that greener grass you see might be the result of heavier rain.

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Peorth
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Peorth » Thu Sep 04, 2014 7:43 am

A bit late to the party, perhaps, but good job. Very much enjoyed it, almost as much as I enjoyed the original game.
Even if the author is silenced, the performance is stopped, the story will not end.

Whether it's a comedy or a tragedy, if there is cheering, the story will continue on.
Just like the many lives.
For the us who are still in it and still in the journey, send warm blessings.

---We will continue to walk down this path until eternity.

Dziabong
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Dziabong » Tue Sep 16, 2014 11:07 pm

So I just made an account after finishing the story (how original...) and I have to say both good job and good luck with future works, although your English could use some work (not that I'm perfect at it, it's not my native language and I'm sure there will be some mistakes even in this post), but it wasn't to the point where it was annoying, just some minor staff like lacking certain word so that your sentence can have the meaning you wanted (or using wrong prepositions) and there weren't that many instances where I noticed anything like that (there were some other minor stuff, but nothing major worth talking about). Story was engaging, despite having a couple of awkward dialogues (although some were really good in my opinion, and all the rest was pretty good).

I like how you written characters (Akira's father reminds me of certain dad from Grisaia No Kajitsu) you made both likeable and easy to hate characters but didn't painted them as completely dark characters for the most part, I don't have anything to criticize here (Kenji was as annoying as he was in visual novel, so you have painted his personality perfectly). Like I said earlier story was engaging, drama was pretty intense as far as katawa shoujo routes go. It really deserves name "pseudo-route" because you made it in a way that it would fit into the visual novel if there was route for Akira, story clamped together in time like well oiled gears, there weren't many unnecessary moments in the plot.

If I am to treat it like route review then the most important question should be - Did I get emotionally involved in the story and did I cry? And the answer is yes, tho it was more like watery eyes on the scene at the airport and a few drops dripping from my eyes but still, much more than I was expecting from fanfiction, and there were moments when I couldn't go to sleep because I just had to know how will some of the problems will be resolved. So even though I didn't cry as much as during Katawa Shoujo playthrough I was as much emotionally engaged as I was during most of the routes (with the exception of Rin, being masterpiece even after I've played lots of VNs since then), part of the reason undoubtedly being that I really wanted Akira route but it still wouldn't click if the story wasn't well written. I was surprised that comedy made me laugh quite a few times (I just wasn't expecting it from fanfiction) so another + for that.

Overall I enjoyed hours I spent reading, I think you have a potential as a writer, even with minor problems with grammar, few awkward scenes and dialogues . These things can be fixed and I think you have pretty good foundation as a writer in creating interesting stories and characters that the reader can care about (if they were some bland personalities I wouldn't have minded for Kenji to slaughter them all in a fit of rage). The story played out for the most part as I anticipated (although I had no idea how would their career things would get sorted out) but the way you presented it still made me uncertain about the outcome thus making it more exciting and more eager to read it to the end. But maybe that's just me.

TL;DR: cool story, some minor problems with grammar and a few awkward dialogues/scenes, cool characters (apart from Kenji, but its standard for him to be cringe worthy to the maximum, so I guess it's presented perfectly here as well), had "feels" moment and I was enjoying myself while reading. Good job and good luck on the future projects. (I'm too tired to proof read it all, so there will probably be some stupid mistakes and derp sentences but its 5 am and I need some sleep).

Teenage Honved Fan
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Teenage Honved Fan » Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:02 am

Was debating making an account on here for what feels like forever, but I am almost finished and had to come on to say how much I've enjoyed reading this so far. I have always wanted to read a proper Akira route (as she's my third favourite character).

Just one minor, minor gripe- I actually live in Inverness. Where are these private beaches!
Lilly > Miki > Akira

The holy trinity.

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Peorth
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Peorth » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:34 am

Teenage Honved Fan wrote:Just one minor, minor gripe- I actually live in Inverness. Where are these private beaches!
That's private.
Even if the author is silenced, the performance is stopped, the story will not end.

Whether it's a comedy or a tragedy, if there is cheering, the story will continue on.
Just like the many lives.
For the us who are still in it and still in the journey, send warm blessings.

---We will continue to walk down this path until eternity.

Guest Poster
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Re: Akira Pseudo-Route [Complete!]

Post by Guest Poster » Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:17 am

Heh, I wondered about that at some point as well while writing my own fanfic, which has several chapters take place in Inverness. It turned out that while private beaches are not unusual in the US, they're kind of frowned upon in the UK.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.

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