Coldplay?"Dude, I used to rule the world. Seas would rise when I gave the word."
Don't ask me why, but I immediately thought of this guy."Busy busy busy.” Kenji says, crossing his arms and shifting his weight back and forth.
The use of "letting" makes it seem like all of this is happening simultaneously. I'd replace it with "then let" or restructure the whole sentence.I raise my knuckles up to the door and knock a few times, letting my hand drop to the doorknob as a voice from inside calls for me to come in.
Either Lilly is seven years old, or you're missing a word.Despite only being seven, she’s already changed into a pair of royal-blue pajamas
Two things:However, now is a perfect time to ask. I don’t know if Hanako is aware yet, so I’d rather not be the one to reveal it to her. It’s Lilly’s and Akira’s business who finds out about their plans so I shouldn’t spread it around. At any rate, the sound of the shower running on the other end of the wall hasn’t slowed so I should have at least a few minutes to discuss a few things.
“It’s nothing worth talking about right now, I think.” I say, deciding to wait.
You use "so" a lot here. If nothing else, please precede each with a comma.
This section doesn't make sense. "This is a perfect opportunity. I think I'll let it pass."
Capitalize "we."“we were able to keep contact during that week..."
I think I'll post this in the Tips thread. I call it "trusting your readers:" avoid explaining obvious things. You don't need to go this far, but a little Hemingway never hurt.“Is that so?” I ask, surprised that such plans have been made.
You accidentally a wordand what almost like faint humming.
Use a comma after "plus."Plus it’s been a while since we’ve had these.