Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+) [Updated 8/07]

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Vekter
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Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+) [Updated 8/07]

Post by Vekter » Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:28 pm

Thar be porn here from time to time. Just warnin' ya.

Figured I'd do a dump thread for my one-shot/small series stuff. Here's my first one-shot in quite some time - some cute Misha/Hisao inspired by one of my favorite songs.
-----

We've Got Tonight

Pink. There's pink -everywhere-.

That was the first thought I had upon venturing into Shiina Mikado's room for the first time. We decided to spend the night hanging out in her room, due to the torrential rain outside. If Misha is your stereotypical bubbly girl, it stands to reason her room is the typical girl's room. But this... Damn, this is overkill. Her bed is plastered with stuffed animals, and what little isn't covered in plush is covered in a light pink bedspread. The rest of her room isn't much better."C'mon in, Hicchan~!" I take her up on her invitation, pulling off my rain-soaked jacket and hanging it up alongside hers.

Given our... usual exploits, the bed doesn't remain in said state for very long. Thirty minutes later and I lay behind her, holding her around her bare stomach as we watch whatever movie Misha has picked out this time. My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I think it was. To be quite honest, I've been paying minimal attention, all of my focus on the beautiful woman in front of me.

I think back to how this whole thing started, months ago. Shizune and Misha approached me to get me to join the Student Council. Despite their best efforts, I declined them time and time again. They perservered, though, and eventually, Misha's cuteness and outgoing personality won me over. I joined, if only to spend some more time with her. We hit it off big-time and, well, things were great for quite some time. Tanabata rolled around and I asked her to be with me. Then... Well, things got complicated.

Misha told me about her and Shizune. How she cared about her, and wanted to be with her. How Shizune turned her down, and they agreed to remain friends. I refused to give up, though, and we worked through her issues. For a time, I thought my chance with Misha was gone. I thought I'd lose this gorgeous, happy woman that's laying next to me right now. But, much to my surprise, our relationship blossomed.

Maybe she finally realized she could never have Shizune, and settled for me. I hope not. I prefer to think I helped her through her problems. Maybe she's finally over Shizune, and loves me instead... I don't think I'll ever know what's going on in her pretty, pink-covered head. All I know is, with her next to me, I feel like I could take on the world with one arm tied behind my back.

I nuzzle my face into her long, pink hair, now without its signature curl, and give her a loving squeeze, making her sigh contentedly. I love everything about her. It didn't take long for me to fall for her, but I did. Head over heels. Thing is, I'm still not sure how she feels about me. Despite having had sex multiple times now, I've never actually confessed to her. I'm going to have to make a move soon, though. Graduation looms, and while everyone else is excited, I know it marks a breaking point for us - either I confess to her and brace for whatever comes next, or I let things go and likely lose her.

Not much of a choice, I know, but I'm nothing if not a procrastinator.

It really is an interesting predicament, though. What if she's still healing from Shizune's rejection? What if I've misinterpereted everything, and she just wants to be friends? And what if I don't act? What then?

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Misha turns over slightly to look at me, frown on her face. "Hicchan, are you alright?" she asks, wearing that terrible look of concern and worry. I don't deserve her. I really don't. But I'll take her if I can have her.

"Nothing. Just... just thinking." I respond, probably sounding a lot sadder than I wanted to, based on her reaction. She turns around to face me and surprises me with a kiss. Just a simple one; nothing too passionate or forceful. I return it with all the love I can muster and wrap an arm around her, pulling her closer to me. We lie like this for a while, simply enjoying the moment as long as we can.

Unfortunately, I do have to breathe. I break the kiss for a moment and smile at her, which she returns. That smile makes me feel like a million bucks, every time. I glance at the clock and realize it's already far too late. Past curfew, even. "Damn it... I've gotta get back, Misha. I'm supposed to go run tomorrow with Emi."

Misha gives me her trademark puppy-dog eyes. Oh no, not this. Not tonight. "B-but Hicchan... I want you to stay with me tonight~!" I can't resist that. But damn it, I have to. My health's more important.

"I can't, Misha. I don't have my pills, and I'm supposed to run with Emi, so I need to get some sleep. Plus, if Shizune finds out, we'd be in a world of trouble." That last one's not necessarily true, but a little white lie never hurt.

"Hicchan, it's raining cats and dogs out there~. I don't want you getting sick, and you can just take your pills tomorrow. Plus, Shicchan won't even know! Even if she did, she wouldn't mind~!" Still those damn eyes. Hold out a little longer, man. Almost...

"Misha, I'm sorry. Next time, I promise." I finish getting dressed and turn to grasp the handle when she drops the bomb on me.

"Hisao, please... I need you."

I turn around to see her sitting up in bed, covering her large bust with the blanket, her long, pink locks cascading down her back and across her shoulders. On her face is a look of true sadness, with her almost in tears.

No true man could resist that.

I sigh, defeated and broken, and remove my clothing once again, leaving on my boxers for decency's sake. Misha pumps her fist in victory and makes room for me once again. I join her after turning off the light, give her a good night kiss, and return to my position of holding her from behind.

Not too long after, I hear her whisper, just before sleep overtakes me.

"I love you, Hicchan."

I've never felt better in my life.
---

Inspired by We've Got Tonight by Bob Seger
Last edited by Vekter on Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:31 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Banda
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Banda » Wed Sep 19, 2012 6:29 am

This was amazing Vekter, I love it.

Also, my reaction when it was Misha first and not Yuuko.

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hhhheh
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Helbereth » Wed Sep 19, 2012 7:33 am

Kind of short, but sweet and descriptive. It feels like there needs to be more to this, though; it doesn't seem like a complete story, rather only part of a longer tale.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Vekter » Wed Sep 19, 2012 1:40 pm

Banda wrote:This was amazing Vekter, I love it.

Also, my reaction when it was Misha first and not Yuuko.

http://i.imgur.com/Yc8Uz.gif

hhhheh
>implying everything I write has to be Kenji/Yuuko considering my track record
Helbereth wrote:Kind of short, but sweet and descriptive. It feels like there needs to be more to this, though; it doesn't seem like a complete story, rather only part of a longer tale.
People keep saying this, and I don't really get it. I kind of wrote it as a scene for a perceived Misha Route. I also included a lot of exposition because it's a stand-alone story, at least for now. I'm planning on adding a bit more to it tonight, and maybe doing a full second part depending on how I feel/whether or not people want to play Borderlands 2.

Thanks for the notes, though. Anything you would change about it?

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Helbereth » Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:42 pm

Vekter wrote:Thanks for the notes, though. Anything you would change about it?
I want to strangle whoever is teaching people to place dialogue completely separate from the prose, floating on a line by itself with no direction, description or adverbs. That and some other grammar blunders, but it's otherwise fine.

It really does have more depth than its length seems to delve into. If this were an excerpt from a longer tale, it would make sense. However, there are hints at things in Hisao's reasoning, relationship dynamics with Shizune, and the obvious reciprocal nature of Misha's confession (which should spark more internal debate for Hisao), that are intriguing and ought to be explored. Basically, you set up a whole series of conflicts and never brought them any resolution.

The kind of things you hint at in the narrative, by the way, are the sort of subliminal subtext full-length novelists try to work into their prose to set up long conflicts; something I have some experience with. They're the kind of things usually left out of shorter tales because they don't have the literary bandwidth to contain them. That you worked them in accidentally might mean you should be working on longer stories; it takes a bit of talent to lay out hints without disrupting the current context of the tale.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by DanjaDoom » Wed Sep 19, 2012 9:36 pm

Vekter wrote: Borderlands 2
Mah Nig
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Vekter » Wed Sep 19, 2012 9:38 pm

Helbereth wrote: The kind of things you hint at in the narrative, by the way, are the sort of subliminal subtext full-length novelists try to work into their prose to set up long conflicts; something I have some experience with. They're the kind of things usually left out of shorter tales because they don't have the literary bandwidth to contain them. That you worked them in accidentally might mean you should be working on longer stories; it takes a bit of talent to lay out hints without disrupting the current context of the tale.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter.
Certainly was not intentional, that's for sure. The whole love-confession thing was because I plan on doing a second part where that'll get wrapped up. I'm not sure what other conflicts exist aside from his worry that Misha doesn't reciprocate his feelings.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Silentcook » Thu Sep 20, 2012 7:43 am

Helbereth wrote:I want to strangle whoever is teaching people to place dialogue completely separate from the prose, floating on a line by itself with no direction, description or adverbs.
So... us? :(

Well technically it's not our fault, exactly, but that's an obvious staple of VNs, and it more than tends to get imitated by fanfic writers in general. It's also obvious why it would be okay in a VN, but not as much in a traditional piece of writing.
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by DaGarver » Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:30 pm

Silentcook wrote:
Helbereth wrote:I want to strangle whoever is teaching people to place dialogue completely separate from the prose, floating on a line by itself with no direction, description or adverbs.
So... us? :(

Well technically it's not our fault, exactly, but that's an obvious staple of VNs, and it more than tends to get imitated by fanfic writers in general. It's also obvious why it would be okay in a VN, but not as much in a traditional piece of writing.
I think dialogue on its own line is fine, in very small quantities. It has to make sense in context, like two people bickering to keep the pace going in line with how it would be happening in real life.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Rika » Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:53 pm

Oh god, it's so cute. :3
I love it. :D
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Scissorlips » Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:02 pm

It's a cute story, and while the idea isn't entirely original, you should never let that stop you from writing. It's always possible to try existing ideas in new and interesting ways.
I also see the single line of text style as maybe an unconscious imitation of VN script format, and I agree with Garver, it's perfectly workable at times.
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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Silentcook » Thu Sep 20, 2012 4:14 pm

Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and all I got was this lousy forum sig.

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Who Needs Tomorrow?

Post by Vekter » Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:07 am

I'm in a long hallway. It looks like the men's dormitory. I quickly get my bearings and start walking, feeling myself pulled by some inexorable force. I wonder where Hicchan is. I continue my journey down the long corridor. As I travel, things look more and more familiar, until I find myself stopping in front of a door: Hicchan's door. I knock lightly.

"Come in, Shiina". I wonder how he knew it was me? Oh well. I open the door to find him sitting on his bed, wearing that stupid sweatervest and a solemn look on his face. He pats the bed next to him and I join him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a big hug. For some reason, he... he doesn't return the gesture. He just sits there, as stoic and still as he was when I walked in. He looks almost... sad.

"What's wrong, Hicchan? Aren't you happy to see me~?" He just keeps looking at me like that, with that sad expression. I hate it.

"Everything, Shiina. Everything is wrong. With us, with me..." I... what? He stares daggers at me. I don't know what I did wrong. I must've done something wrong, right?

"Shiina, I can't keep lying to you. Not after everything we've been through." He keeps calling me that. Why's he calling me by my real name? He never... He never does that! I rest my head on his shoulder and try to calm him, but he just won't relax. Won't stop treating me like... like I'm no one. Like I don't matter.

"I don't love you, Shiina. I'm sorry, but I can't. Shizune... she's who I want to be with. She's strong, and confident, and beautiful. I can really see why you loved her, Shiina, and I can't help myself. We can't keep pretending like this. You'll find someone, but I'm not him." I... Why are you doing this, Hicchan? Why do you keep calling me that name? Why do you want to push me away all of a sudden?

Just then, Shicchan walks out of the corner, wearing the same exact expression as Hicchan. The same as that day, when she... when she told me she didn't love me. Her hands fly almost too fast for me to read. "[I'm sorry, Shiina. It has to be this way. We both agreed that you have to leave.]"

I... what? Why are you...

"[He just doesn't feel that way about you, Shiina. I'm sorry, but I think you should leave.]"

Shicchan... You too? I'm not loved, but... but why? I thought... I thought at least Hisao loved me.

"No... Hisao, Shizune, why are you doing this? I-is it something I did? Did I hurt you in some way? Why are you doing this to me!?"

"Things just got carried away between us, Shiina. We... we weren't meant to be. I never wanted to hurt you, but I have to do this. For the both of us." How do you accidentally date someone?! Why is this happening?! Why can't I scream; why can't I scream at him? Tell him how wrong all of this is?!

"[Shiina, if I couldn't love you, how could anyone else, let alone Hisao, ever feel anything for someone like you?]" Is... is that really how you feel, Shizune? Is that really what you think?

"[Now, I think you should go, before you make a scene.]" She grasps me by the arm. I try to jerk my arm back, but I can't move. I'm frozen in place; only she can move me. I can't even move my hands to sign as she leads me to the door. The corridor is gone. Beyond the threshold is only darkness, a bottomless pit of dispair and pain I could never hope to recover from.

I see the last few months flash before my eyes: meeting Hicchan for the first time, finally getting him to join the Student Council, him asking me out at Tanabata, the tear-filled nights to come as he broke down wall after wall that I'd put up to keep everyone out, the first time we made love, and finally, that look of joy I saw on his face when I kissed him tonight.

Every last bit, completely meaningless. All of it, lie after lie.

Utterly. Pointless.

"[Goodbye, Shiina.]"

I feel myself falling, tumbling down the chasm, dread filling me as I know what's coming. I've been here before. Many times, in fact. I know that, when I hit the bottom, I'll-

--

I shoot up in bed, covered in sweat and shaking in fear. I quickly figure out where exactly I am; still in bed with a now-terrified looking Hisao sitting upright next to me. Oh... oh. It was just a dream...

He looks at me with... sadness, and worry, and... and love? Maybe... maybe a little love. "M-misha". He stifles a yawn. "W-... What's wrong?" he asks as he holds me, one arm around my side and the other resting on my cheek, brushing away the tears falling from my eyes. I'm crying. Why am I crying?

"H-Hicchan...!" I throw my arms around his shoulders and weep, burying my head in his chest. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't m-mean to wake you up, Hicchan! I just..." He strokes my hair - I love it when he does that - and kisses me lightly on my head, trying to calm me.

"It's okay, M-Misha. I'm here. What happened?" I tell the entire tale to Hicchan, leaving out the part about him not loving me, but the rest of it I'm honest about. I tell him how I've been having nightmares for a while now, each one a bit different from the last. Sometimes it's something silly; that parfait I ate with lunch has come back to take revenge, or my pillows are attacking me. Sometimes it's something serious, like tonight, or how I keep dreaming about the day Shizune rejected me...

I let everything go. Everything I've held bottled up over the last few weeks. I hang on to him and cry my eyes out over the next 30 minutes, just talking and telling him everything I've wanted to say for months now. I guess this is why I wanted Hicchan to stay so badly; I knew I needed someone to be with me, someone to tell everything to and someone to help me through the night. I guess he's the perfect guy for just such a task.

I look up at him, and still see that love in his eyes. He brushes the tears from my face and says, "Misha, cheer up. You're too cute to be sad."

That's... that's just... I kiss him. I kiss him and hold him tight and squeeze him like he'll float away. I don't ever want him to leave. Not now, not in the morning, not ever, because with him right here, next to me, everything feels perfect.

"Hey, Misha." I look at him and see his cute smile, those eyes of his still gazing into mine, loving and caring as always... "I love you."

I throw my arms around him and give him the biggest hug I can~. "Wahaha~" I chuckle, burying my head into his neck and smiling like an idiot. "I love you too, Hicchan. More than anything~."

"Feeling better, Misha?" I nod vigorously. "Good. Now can we go back to bed?" Another nod. "I don't guess you're going to let me go, are you?" To this, I shake my head and squeeze him tighter. He chuckles lightly and pulls the blanket over us, shuffling around and getting comfortable.

"Good night, Misha. I love you." He kisses me on the head and I smile even wider, if that was possible. "G'night, Hicchan. I love you, too~!"

I've never been happier in my life.

-----

Thanks to Fluffandcrunch, DaGarver, and Scissorlips for the notes.
Last edited by Vekter on Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:05 am, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Banda » Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:15 am

A second part is posted, life is complete, I can die happy now.

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Re: Vekter's One-Shot Feels Emporium (18+)

Post by Vekter » Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:03 am

Banda wrote:A second part is posted, life is complete, I can die happy now.

http://i.imgur.com/hO3BP.gif
Image

Updooted with some more stuff, made the dream sequence less melodramatic.

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