Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

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Re: Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

Post by Trivun » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:43 am

brythain wrote:That's lovely. And it's finally done. And I will indeed read it at leisure again. Thanks!
You're welcome, happy to see you enjoyed it :D
Markus Ramikin wrote:
Any attempt at conversation will no doubt be doomed to failure, to stuttering and awkward silences worse than the one we'd be trying to fill. But the silence now is just as bad
So would it be worse, or just as bad? Can't have both.

For a marginally less frivolous observation: there are moments where the prose gets a bit purple - though maybe that's just my taste. "the strength within me", "silence reigns", things like that, especially on top of Hanako's general wordiness.

That aside, nice to see this finally brought to a conclusion. The story was a good and interesting read. I re-read the whole thing and still liked it.
I think I changed that first bit you mention after seeing your comment, can't remember though - if I didn't I'll have to go back and do so. Thanks for pointing it out though! :) About the purple prose, I agree I need to tone it down a bit, though to be fair it's not exactly very different to how the rest of the story has been written. Something for me to consider on my next project though. Happy to see you liked the story, in any case!
dewelar wrote:This was one of the first stories that got me hooked here, and one of the ones that inspired me to start writing as well. I may have disagreed with its direction at times, but I just used that as a jumping-off point to give Developments' Hanako her own direction, so credit to you where it's due :) .

Towards the midpoint of this, I was disappointed that you stuck so close to the events of the VN, because I thought some of your better work was done on scenes that gave us more of a larger view of what was happening with Hanako. I missed that a lot in recent chapters, and I think it could have added substantially to this story's impact.

Anyway, all in all an enjoyable piece, and one I know I will revisit from time to time. At the very least, now that it's done, I can finally read it to my friend :) . Good luck with whatever it is to which this might lead you next!
Thank you, and I feel honoured to have been an inspiration, especially since I only set out on this originally as a side thing to play around a bit with my own interpretation of the character - I never thought that it would end up becoming as big a part of my life, or others, as it evidently has been. I did intend to write more 'meta' scenes, though as the story got longer it became less of a priority mainly because of how much longer it would have taken and diverted away from the key plot points established in the game. If I ever have the time to go back and rewrite parts then it's something I'd like to do, adding more scenes that move away from the VN's established sequence, but it's not exactly a priority for now. Still, the lessons I've learned here as a writer will influence me in my next work, and that will develop and lead me further, so it's all good in the end!
Deadpool021 wrote:Congratulations Trivun! I really enjoyed the story and think you did a wonderful job portraying Hanako's perspective. Some may disagree with certain parts but we all need to remember that the VN never showed what she was thinking so everything would be each owns interpretation and I like yours. Re-reading the VN after this , it makes sense with your fan fiction.

I know this took you a very long time to complete (which I commend you for since it is something that is hard to come by) but I was wondering if you have any plans for writing from the other character's perspectives in their stories as well. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not requesting anything here but I just wanted to know if that was something you may have considered. I think you did an amazing job with this and have confidence that you would also write other perspectives very well.

Anyways, thank you very much for sharing your fan fic with us. I enjoyed it very much and this is definitely a part of my head canon.
Thanks very much, and also for sticking with it for so long (even when there were times it seemed like I wouldn't finish the thing!). Unfortunately I won't be writing anything similar from the other characters, purely because of how long it took. I originally wanted to write Rin's Story as well, but this took me two years to complete what with life, university, work and so many other things. A Rin version would be even longer with the amount of choices available, and even something like Shizune's arc would take a long time. I want to try and move towards other works for a while, I've just joined a start-up game studio (Thing In A Box Studios) as a writer, and I've started work on a novel that I hope to publish (anyone can feel free to message me for more details on either of those :P), so that's what I'll be focusing on for now. I may well return to Katawa Shoujo stories at some point, but nothing like the scale I've achieved here.
Atario wrote:A few logistical notes:
Trivun wrote:We put our plates and forks in the sink; we leave my room
They don't have sinks in their dorm rooms…
We don't hold hands as we've done so often before
I can't remember them ever holding hands in the game. Did they?
Hisao drops a can (I'd barely noticed him holding it) into a bin
Hah, this reads like he was holding the can all through the breakdown/hug/cry scene. Hisao, have some class! :) I think the game intended that he picked it back up from where he'd left it on the bench or whatever.
Just to address these points :). The sink is a valid concern, but the VN does say the same as I did, so I assume (probably should have included it in the prose, but oh well) that Hisao/Hanako both mean "go to the kitchen and put stuff in the sink". Holding hands, they do on occasion in the game, though not as often as I imply, so again something I could probably change here. Also, the can, you raise a very valid point! Again, it's down to the wording of the VN, but something I could have changed, so in all cases here I guess I'm as guilty as the game is for misleading language xD.
Frankyo wrote:Gah, you've reminded me of how beautiful Hanako's route was :cry:, and how it is actually perfect that it ends at their first kiss. Great job, and congratz on finishing this fic!
Thank you! And I agree, it is really a perfect way for the game to end, and a lovely image in the actual VN :)
AntonSlavik020 wrote:Great job on this story. I didn't get quite as emotional during the confession scene as I have in the past, but that's probably just because I've experienced it so many times.
Thanks very much! And I agree with you there, I never get as emotional now as I used to, on any of the arcs - mainly because I've already experienced them so often, we get a bit desensitised to the emotional impact. Still, as long as the stories are well written (as much for the original game as anything we fan-fic authors can come up with), then nothing can take that away completely :)

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Bad Apple
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Re: Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

Post by Bad Apple » Tue Sep 23, 2014 11:11 pm

Hey, congratulations on seeing this through. It's got some rough spots, but it was decent. The one point I can uniquely raise, as being possibly the only one who read it side-by-side with the VN, is that I noticed a "telepathy" in some passages throughout where Hanako thinks the same as Hisao word-for-word. You also missed some things she should have realistically been aware of (at one point, playing with her hair, for example) yet mentioned other things she had no need to be aware of (in the final chapter, the items she drops on the classroom floor when she runs out; her mind is on other things), and so on. I would say more, but it seems every other point or criticism I may have raised has already been addressed.

Seeing the recent overhaul of Sisterhood, another Hanako fic (that should be read right after this one methinks), are there any plans to revise this story at a later time?
"If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires."
— Horace Traubel

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Re: Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

Post by Guest Poster » Wed Sep 24, 2014 3:21 am

I think that's apples and oranges. The main difference between the old and the new version of Sisterhood were the 46 new chapters. Sure, the original chapters were given a grammar/spelling/tense check, had some annoying stuff like parenthesed thought and lines that sounded good in my head, but bad when written down removed, but that barely qualified as a massive revision. I don't think additional chapters in this story are possible, given that it's reached the point where the VN route stopped.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.

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Jake Zero
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 18/06/2013)

Post by Jake Zero » Tue Aug 02, 2016 1:19 am

Trivun wrote:
“Just...?” Before I can answer Hisao, a slightly large pink mass materialises behind him, with a smaller purple creature at the side.

Shizune has blue hair, not purple.

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