Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

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brythain
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by brythain » Sat May 10, 2014 12:52 pm

Hanako's voice is one of my voices of choice, and I'm always glad to see her developing at the hands of a skilled crafter. Thanks for the latest update!
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by timetravelzero » Sat May 10, 2014 1:07 pm

What a fantastic surprise to come home to today! Excellent work, as always Trivun. I was especially pleased with how you added in the return trip she took to the antiques store as a way of expressing her growing confidence. I have faith that you'll finish this story strong in the coming months, and I am anxiously awaiting the critical point of the next scene.
Akira>Lilly=Shizune>Emi>Hanako>Mutou=Nurse>Saki>Misha=Rika>Yuuko>Meiko=Miki>Suzu>Kenji>Rin=Iwanako>Jigoro>Nomiya>{POWERGAP}>Hisao Eh, my opinion anyway

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Negativedarke » Sat May 10, 2014 1:34 pm

Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Sat May 10, 2014 1:39 pm

I've been looking forward to this scene for a while now, and it did not disappoint. I simultaneously am looking forward to and dreading the h-scene.
Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
I think that's more true for Lilly and Hanako. Hisao's life expectancy may have actually been shortened in her route.
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Ireojimayo
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Ireojimayo » Sat May 10, 2014 4:28 pm

I really love this fic, I love seeing Hananko's perspective, it's a whole new story
Love this chapter too, it really makes you appreciate the little things
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by emmjay » Wed May 14, 2014 7:50 am

I'd been looking forward to this one, specifically the part where Hisao buys her the phone chain. That little chain was almost certainly the first time a boy gave Hanako a "just because we're friends" gift. Hisao may not have realized it, but that was a big thing for her. I also like the touches of Hanako revisiting the antique store, and of her thinking the waitress reminds Hisao of Iwanako.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by hyroglyphixs » Thu May 15, 2014 3:01 am

Fantastic chapter... I was really curious to see what kind of internal dialogue would go on inside Hanako's head after Hisao gave her that gift. Your writing was awesome, as usual :)
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Trivun
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Trivun » Wed May 21, 2014 6:26 pm

brythain wrote:Hanako's voice is one of my voices of choice, and I'm always glad to see her developing at the hands of a skilled crafter. Thanks for the latest update!
Not really sure if I'm THAT skilled, but thanks all the same :)
timetravelzero wrote:What a fantastic surprise to come home to today! Excellent work, as always Trivun. I was especially pleased with how you added in the return trip she took to the antiques store as a way of expressing her growing confidence. I have faith that you'll finish this story strong in the coming months, and I am anxiously awaiting the critical point of the next scene.
Thank you :) Really, I wanted to try and find a valid reason for Hanako to be in the city at that time, since it never says in the VN why she was around and although it's a nice scene in the game, it feels a bit out of place for her to willingly go to the city alone. Hence the added confidence building, which is also good timing as it's vital that she has more confidence now anyway given the next scene, and the pivotal moment, otherwise that would be too out of place as well...
Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
I have to agree. At least on, say, Emi's route, Hisao was getting plenty of excercise, and with most of the girls he was able to face his past - in this case, with Hanako's route, he pushes it away. So I'd say your point stands on a mental level, as well as on a physical one (especially Lilly's route from a physical viewpoint, even if it does technically count as excercise ;)).
AntonSlavik020 wrote:I've been looking forward to this scene for a while now, and it did not disappoint. I simultaneously am looking forward to and dreading the h-scene.
Negativedarke wrote:Reading this chapter reminds me that while I like them, Hanako and Lily weren't the best for Hisao's health. But it was nice with the meeting in town between the two.
I think that's more true for Lilly and Hanako. Hisao's life expectancy may have actually been shortened in her route.
My point precisely :) Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.
Ireojimayo wrote:I really love this fic, I love seeing Hananko's perspective, it's a whole new story
Love this chapter too, it really makes you appreciate the little things
The little things are important to a writer really, it's all very good telling a decent story but it doesn't flesh out without those little character-building (or world building, or so on) moments that make you understand more. Thank you as well for the compliments :D
emmjay wrote:I'd been looking forward to this one, specifically the part where Hisao buys her the phone chain. That little chain was almost certainly the first time a boy gave Hanako a "just because we're friends" gift. Hisao may not have realized it, but that was a big thing for her. I also like the touches of Hanako revisiting the antique store, and of her thinking the waitress reminds Hisao of Iwanako.
I agree that it's a big thing, ultimately Hanako is experiencing all this for the first time, but in a way Hisao is just as inexperienced as she is with all aspects of love (hell, the first girl he confessed to, ever, ended up giving him a heart attack!). So it's nice for me as well to explore all those elements, including the jealousy, heartbreak, and both love and lust that come with a first relationship...
hyroglyphixs wrote:Fantastic chapter... I was really curious to see what kind of internal dialogue would go on inside Hanako's head after Hisao gave her that gift. Your writing was awesome, as usual :)
Thank you my friend :D. Truth be told, I'm always curious myself as to what internal dialogue will go on too, since I don't usually set out to write with a set plan (aside from the roadmap provided by the VN itself), so every new chapter I write is just as much a revelation for me as it is for all of you - just a little sooner for me than anyone else xD.
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AntonSlavik020
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Wed May 21, 2014 7:48 pm

Trivun wrote:My point precisely :) Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.
Because it was awkward as hell. And I meant that it was true more for Lilly THAN Hanako, not and. While Hisao's fitness level isn't improved in Hanako's route, it doesn't get worse either.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by scott1and » Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:21 pm

Okay, wow, haven't really logged in here for a good year or so but this story has given me more than enough reason to get back into the swing of things around here! I've read through everything so far in the last two days or so, and I must say I'm am extremely impressed by what you have been written.

You not only expanded Hanako's character through her internal monologue, but you have also made her route, something most people have already experienced, brand new and deliciously interesting despite the entire plot already being known.

A major congratulations on the story so far, and thanks for giving me something brilliant to spend my time reading :D
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Trivun
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Trivun » Wed Jun 04, 2014 11:28 am

AntonSlavik020 wrote:
Trivun wrote:My point precisely :) Also, not entirely sure why you're dreading the H-scene, but glad to see you look forward to it as well xD.
Because it was awkward as hell. And I meant that it was true more for Lilly THAN Hanako, not and. While Hisao's fitness level isn't improved in Hanako's route, it doesn't get worse either.
I think I recognised that, my wording could probably have been better, but fair enough, you're pretty spot on there. At least in Hanako's route the final decision isn't based on whether you try and (accidentally) kill yourself or not :P
scott1and wrote:Okay, wow, haven't really logged in here for a good year or so but this story has given me more than enough reason to get back into the swing of things around here! I've read through everything so far in the last two days or so, and I must say I'm am extremely impressed by what you have been written.

You not only expanded Hanako's character through her internal monologue, but you have also made her route, something most people have already experienced, brand new and deliciously interesting despite the entire plot already being known.

A major congratulations on the story so far, and thanks for giving me something brilliant to spend my time reading :D
Many thanks, my friend! I'll admit when I began this it was just an exercise for me to see if I could come up with a fan fiction that was actually decent (the previous offering being a Halo story that was rather obscure, even if it wasn't exactly terrible) before I started on my own original novel. I didn't expect the positive fan response to it, and it's still nice seeing new readers now :). Plus, when I write something, even fan fiction, I always try to make it my own, plus it was easier to be able to separate it from the game itself simply by using someone new as the protagonist, instead of someone as admittedly bland as Hisao...
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Trivun » Mon Jun 16, 2014 4:31 am

Hi all! Just a quick update as it's gone past the time that I normally get a new chapter uploaded, so I think I should let everyone know what's happening (and reassure everyone that I am still alive. Please ignore the maggot in my eye socket, that's completely unrelated.). I understand you may be disappointed, or not, to hear that the latest chapter - hasn't been written yet.

There is a good reason for this, however - we're currently in the process of moving house which means my evenings and weekends have been filled with packing and moving stuff, and whatever free time I've had has ended up being spent recovering physically and mentally from this. The good news, however, is that the move is done! Almost, that is. We're in a rented house right now (as the house my parents are buying will take at least a couple of months for the paperwork and legal stuff to be sorted), so most of my stuff is still in boxes. Even so, I will have time now to be able to write again, meaning the penultimate chapter (yes, THAT one...) will be forthcoming relatively soon. Which brings me to the slight bad news again.

The actual update won't be for a while, even after I've finished writing the chapter. The reason for this is simply that I've been posting this story to three different websites - The Escapist forums, the official KS forums, and Fanfiction.net. Due to the move we are without internet at home, so the only internet access I can reasonably get without driving however far to the nearest library (not very accessible given where we're renting) is at work, and only two of those websites are accessible at work (FF.net is blocked by our company servers). I'd like to release each chapter simultaneously, so if one site is unavailable then the release will sadly have to be postponed.

Never fear though, I will be working on both the penultimate and final chapters as and when I can, and as soon as I am able to do so they will be published online in all three locations for everyone to (hopefully) enjoy! My parents are looking at getting the internet in our rented house, but this isn't guaranteed - if push comes to shove I'll stick everything on a USB stick and take it to the library or something, but in any case I will find a solution. Until then, I hope it's not too long a wait for everyone.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Deadpool021 » Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:32 pm

I hope you get internet soon for your own sake. I was in a very similar situation a few years ago so I know how its like. I've never been to the library so many times lol. We'll definitely wait patiently. Good luck at your new place

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Atario » Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:08 am

If you have a cell phone, you may want to investigate putting PDANet on both it and your computer for in-a-pinch situations just such as this.
NB: none of the above is a request

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 10/05/2014)

Post by Trivun » Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:05 am

Atario wrote:If you have a cell phone, you may want to investigate putting PDANet on both it and your computer for in-a-pinch situations just such as this.
Thanks for the suggestion! Unfortunately I'm not sure, looking at the site, if that works in the UK (where I am), and my phone's pretty old so it doesn't get internet easily (certainly I can't get apps on there!). It's an awkward situation, I have an old phone just for phone calls and an iPod Touch for everything internet-wise, but that's Wi-Fi only - I never saw a point before in getting an iPhone or an Android or anything if I could do everything I needed on my iPod instead, and then we went and moved house... :P
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