Hanako's Story (COMPLETED 18/08/2014)

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dewelar
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by dewelar » Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:46 pm

*nods*

Excellent.

I don't really think I can say any more than that, except thanks for continuing to work at this.
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Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:51 pm

...Damn. I mean, damn. Thank you for posting that.

Two things...

I think I'm reading more into her expression when all of her energy is spent (the last time Hisao sees her, the last two lines of his internal monologue before he closes the door), than you are. I'm reading remorse into it, that she quickly realized what she did and that it was a mistake, once the anger passed. Or, with what you wrote, at least that the futility of everything hit before he looked back for the last time - which would merely be a slight timing issue. (I know that if I were in such a situation, though, my feelings would be conflicted for months, and I would miss Hisao and Lilly rather quickly (but hate that I'm too "weak" to not be over them.) But, also, I wouldn't bring myself to initiate contact, and part of me would understand why they weren't doing so.)

And, also:
Trivun wrote:steep by step until he finally reaches the door
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Trivun
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Trivun » Sat Sep 28, 2013 6:22 pm

bhtooefr wrote:...Damn. I mean, damn. Thank you for posting that.

Two things...

I think I'm reading more into her expression when all of her energy is spent (the last time Hisao sees her, the last two lines of his internal monologue before he closes the door), than you are. I'm reading remorse into it, that she quickly realized what she did and that it was a mistake, once the anger passed. Or, with what you wrote, at least that the futility of everything hit before he looked back for the last time - which would merely be a slight timing issue. (I know that if I were in such a situation, though, my feelings would be conflicted for months, and I would miss Hisao and Lilly rather quickly (but hate that I'm too "weak" to not be over them.) But, also, I wouldn't bring myself to initiate contact, and part of me would understand why they weren't doing so.)

And, also:
Trivun wrote:steep by step until he finally reaches the door
Thank you for the critique :). On the first point though, I did get very much the same impression as you from reading the VN, however I was trying to put across the anger that Hanako is still feeling even after Hisao leaves, and at the same time trying to get the regret across, but also I felt that she would still be feeling just too exhausted to care either way. I did try and be subtle though, so I suppose my success there is up for debate :P.

Also, the second point, I did notice that and have now edited it. Thanks for pointing it out though :D
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Lianam
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Lianam » Sat Sep 28, 2013 10:21 pm

From what I've read so far, It's good. But- and this is really important- but you do realize that the reason Hanako hates her birthday isn't because she blames herself for her parents death?

Look at what she says in the last scene:
"E-every birthday was the same. Everyone doing their best to pretend that I mattered. Everyone doing their best to pretend that I mattered. Everyone pretending everything was all right... for that one day of the year."
"I didn't want to exist, but they wouldn't let me. Even after meeting Lilly... everything was the same. I was as useless as I'd always been, unable to do anything for her, or for myself."

These lines are basically saying that reason she hates her birthday is because it was the one time people went out of their way to be kind to her. But all they did was rub salt into the wound, because by trying to pretend for that one day that only made it more apparent they didn't really care for her when you contrast it to how she was treated on every besides her birthday. Also, she resented it because she knew that the only reason people were being kind to her was because it was her birthday.
Remember that part in the prologue where Hisao gets all of the gifts during the first week, and they stopped after that because they were only being sent as a class project? And that's the only reason why people sent their sympathies, not because they actually cared, but because that's just what society says you should do? And remember how that insulted the made you feel, or how bad that made you feel for Hisao? Yeah, Hanako and her birthday are basically the same thing, but a hundred-fold worse. Add to that the guilt Hanako felt in feeling that she was nothing but a burden to people due to the great lengths people went to in an attempt to make her feel better, and it's no wonder Hanako tries to avoid everyone on her birthday.
While I still think she feels a lot of grief over her parents death, I don't think she feels responsible for it, and considering how long she's had to mourn, I don't think she feels it all the time- sure, ever now and again she must have nightmares of the fire, but I think most of her nightmares would be when her best friends turned on her.

That's why I (personally) think Hanako's route is the best: It's the route that best addresses Katawa Shoujo's social commentary, how it's wrong how society views disabled people as disabled and not as what they are: people like anyone else. All of Hanako's problems- all of the extra hell she went through after the fire- was the result of the way society treats people who are different (disabled people, for example) : something lesser (a great example of this can be found in Hisao's reaction to finding out he has to go to Yamaku). That what KS is about- disregarding our differences and the lines society draws between people and embracing what we all have in common: the fact that we're all Human.
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Hisao&Hanako<3
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Hisao&Hanako<3 » Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:59 am

^This guy knows his stuff.

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by TARDISman85 » Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:04 am

Fuck you Trivun... Just... fuck you buddy.

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Hisao&Hanako<3
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Hisao&Hanako<3 » Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:07 am

Hey, he did say he was going to get the bad ending out of the way first, didn't he? Onto greener pastures now! I look forward to seeing the little City Rendezvous that's about to happen.

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by TARDISman85 » Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:18 am

I was fully aware of that, meant that in the best way possible since it kinda made me cry a bit.

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Negativedarke » Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:28 am

That was... Painful.

I do have to agree with Lianam. Her parents deaths really aren't the source of Hanako's birthday issues. And I think that's the real crux of why Hanako blows up in her bad ending. She feels like her worst fears about Hisao and Lily have been confirmed. They don't really care about her, they just want to help the poor little broken doll.

Next one is probably going to be pretty sad. But we do have the good end to look forward to. :D
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by octovaitor » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:04 pm

Painful to read. In that good way where you don't wanna stop reading. I love it, can't wait for the Tears of Joy to come.
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Bad Apple » Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:25 am

How did I forget to comment on this?

Well, this warrants a reread. (I would reread this either way but still :))

Ah, nicely done. It did hit home for me, in a way. While it was well done as always, I do agree with the sentiment on the part of Hanako's apparent lack of regret however subtle. The next is a critique of my own, but unlike the original source material, here it seems to skip straight to her sleeping right after he leaves the room. The problem with this is that the POV is Hanako's, not Hisao's -- while you are following canon, it doesn't have to be verbatim. You have more discretion than that.

During your next revision (after you complete the fanfic, if I recall) I would at least suggest the change in Hanako's expression is acknowledged to lay that tiff to rest. Whether it's regret, as it is conventionally considered, or something else. Some finality, much like Hisao's final words in the Bad End after he closed that door behind him (literally and figuratively.)

Those are my two cents anyway. It must have been tough to write, so I see why you'd want it done as soon as possible. Onto greener pastures, I suppose? ;)
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Kyler Thatch
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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Kyler Thatch » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:43 am

Well, I'm kind of glad I didn't discover this sooner than I did. It was nice to just keep reading and not have to wait for another update to get to the end. Or one of the endings, in any case.

When Hisao decides whether or not to invite Hanako down to the city, it doesn't seem to affect him as much either way, so it was hard for me to imagine how it could have been the first critical decision point in the route (as opposed to him choosing whether to take Lilly's advice). Being able to see the consequences of that decision from Hanako's point of view really helps with that. I can't wait to see how she reacts he does ask her to hang out with him!

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by Atario » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:16 am

Kyler Thatch wrote:I can't wait to see how she reacts he does ask her to hang out with him!
"He asked me, he asked me!" —Raymond Luxury-Yacht
NB: none of the above is a request

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Re: Hanako's Story (UPDATED 28/09/2013)

Post by sanduba » Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:44 am

Just commenting here so I'll know when it will be updated
Best story:
Hanako > Rin > Lilly > Emi > Shizune

best girl:
Lilly > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Rin

Eh, that's my opinion.

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