Taking that First Step
Friday is English; Lilly insists that we speak English during this time, which drives me crazy. English is my worst subject; however, Lilly’s help has made it less awful. To my surprise, Misha has started to sit in with my tutoring sessions. At first, I thought she was spying on me for Shizune; it does appear she needs help because she asks most of the questions.
Please note ( ) means they are speaking English.
(Hiaso, how do you think your English is coming?) Lilly asks me after today’s session. Misha had just left.
(Better, I…can understand most of what you are saying)
I still hate speaking in English. Why can’t everyone just speak Japanese?
(I am happy that I am helping you. Can I ask you a question?)
(Sure, I can’t promise to reply in English)
(How do you feel about Shizune?)
What, where did that come from? Shizune is my friend, my best friend. I sometimes I think there is more and… ”She confuses me. I mean, she has been there for me even though I tried to push her away,” I still feel guilty for yelling at her, “The fact she asked you to help and the others, means a lot to me.” I take deep breath. “She is my best friend and…”
“You love her don’t you Hiaso,” she just waits for my reply.
A knock on the door saves me from having to reply.
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but it is time to the last the bandages off,” it was the Nurse. Funny how our relationship has change over these past weeks, he is friend now.
“I will be lea...”Lilly was saying as Misha and Shizune enter the room. “Misha, is that you? Did you forget something?”
“No Licchan,” Lilly grimaces being call that, “The Nurse asked Shicchan to come up here for Hicchan’s last bandage removal.”
“You can stay too Lilly,” I say quickly and sign.
I feel confused being in the room with Shizune. That fact she is blind, she won’t judge my appearance. “If you want me to stay Hiaso, I will.”
“I need as many friends with me right now because,” I pause because it is hard to sign, speak, and think. Shizune is staring daggers at me right now. “I am scared.” Shizune expression changes in an instant.
[It is going to be fine. Misha, Lilly, and I are here for you]
“Ready?” I nod, and the bandage is slowly removes from my right side of my face. “That is it. Now, to remove the eye gauze,” little by little my right side is being revealed. I keep looking at Shizune for a reaction to my face. She smiles at me. “Done, here is a mirror for you.”
The scars are noticeable. They aren’t huge, but you can tell I had major injury to my face. I noticed my clouded. I had to close my left eye; the world becomes a grey-lit world. I can make out shapes, but that is all I can make out except for one figure. Shizune, I can tell her shape anywhere. I close my right eye. “I can see some light, but nothing else…”
“That is what we were expecting,” the Nurse explains the damage to me. I sort of listen because I slowly look at Shizune. “Wearing this eye patch will help you get used to your condition.”
“You still look like you. As handsome as the first day you enter our class,” of course, Misha says this loudly and Lilly giggles, I blush bright red to my roots.
“You can go back to your dorms tomorrow since you are officially medically cleared. Do you think you can return to class on Monday?”
The Nurse and I have talked about this before, with the help my friends have given me, I feel like I can finish this year on time.
“Yes, thanks to help of my friends. Lilly, will you tell Hanako thank you for me?”
“I will, I think we can keep helping you and Misha if we had a place to meet,” she pauses to think turning slightly towards Shizune, “Shizune, if you don’t mind, do you think we can use the Student Council room for this purpose? I think it would help Hiaso to have a quiet place to practice his English. The library is too difficult because we have to speak the lessons aloud.”
“Licchan is right Shicchan. I can keep teaching him that way too,” Misha, signs to Shizune.
Shizune looks at everyone. The Nurse grins at her. She sighs, [On two conditions, you must never call me Student Council President again cousin, and you all must help with Student Council business occasionally, agree?]
After Misha translates, I hold my breath for Lilly’s reply, “Agreed, if you will call me Lilly again,” she says tentatively with a hopeful expression.
[Agreed.] A brief pause [Lilly, welcome back, I miss you.] It appears Shizune has made major changes with her relationship with Lilly…wait…cousin.
“You’re cousins?” I blurt out surprised.
“Oh. I forgot you didn’t know Hisao. Our fathers are brother-in-laws. They don’t like one another. I now think that curse will not be our fate. What do you say Shizune? We may not agree on how we one another do things, but I have always love you cousin and…I miss our conversions.”
[Our fathers are stupid with their fight. I will not be like my father.] I see how incisive she signs. You can feel how the determination flies through the air from her. [I look forward to having a long talk with you again Lilly. Can we talk tonight, alone?] I wonder if she means alone or with Misha. How will that work?
Lilly walks over to her, and Shizune raise her hand for Lilly to take. Lilly signs into Shizune hand, [I look forward to it, in an hour?]
Misha and I both are amazed by this display as we watch Shizune sign in agreement into Lilly’s hand slowly.
“You do have a way of bring people together Hisao,” the Nurse grins at me, “What’s next? Are going to beat Emi at the next track meet?” That cause general laughter from everyone.
“BAWAWA~… I don’t think even the Road Runner can bet Emi. How can someone so small be so fast?” Misha giggles out causes even the Nurse to laugh.
I have to admit Emi’s psychical training has helped me. I am beginning to enjoy running in the morning. I wonder if I could persuade Shizune to join us. Where did that thought come? I look at her again, how do I really feel about her?
Sure, she can be overly aggressive sometimes even when she was tutoring me. We did five days lessons in one day, and that cause me to study on my own. I started to work on my own when everyone was in class, I am caught up with my work, there was nothing else to do while waiting for her to return. Am I falling in love with her?
Misha looks at me, “You look the same to me Hisao. Don’t you agree Shicchan?”
She studies me for a minute. [This is the best I have seen you in weeks. We have to go. See you after class tomorrow; we need to decide when we are meeting to go to your home]
Home, the word causes my thinking of Shizune to halt. I feel the guilt starting to rise up again. I look out the window trying to collect my thoughts when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
[I will be there with you, remember?] Once again, Shizune is a move ahead of me.
[Thank you for being there.] I smile at her sadly.
Misha and Lilly hug me good-bye. Shizune waits for a second for them to look away and hugs me.
[I am always here for you Hiaso. I am not going to let you fall again.] She signs to me with a warm smile. I think that is the first time I see that smile. I want to see that smile again. I watch her leave the room.
I sit in the dark waiting for sleep to come. Thoughts of Shizune dance in my mind. How she enters the room with an air confidence. The ways she notice my weakness and help me improve. Yet, I remember what I saw in my vision. She is afraid of being alone with no direction, and I want to help her like she help me. I just don’t help her. I want to be with her. The question of how to do both is my last thought as I fall to sleep.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10/4/12 WIP)
Last edited by publicfigure on Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Update 9/3/12)
Looking Down the Road
After the typical hurry and wait for check out of the hospital, the Nurse and I walk to the dorms. I hoped that Shizune would have come by before school, however, she didn’t. The Nurse is going over my schedule for continuing therapy, but it is just running Emi and getting my typical checkup.
“There is something I need to discuss with you. It is about your accident.”
“Oh? I thought that was pretty much covered. I fell, bounce off bunch of tree limbs, and then splat.”
He gives me a grin, “I am glad to hear you joke about it, but it isn’t really about you this time. It is about your dorm mate. He hasn’t been normal since the accident. Is there a related event?
Kenji? I thinking about my situation that I haven’t consider what may have happened to him. No one knows about our “manly picnic” on the roof, which leads to my fall.
“I don’t think so,” I lie because I don’t want to get him in trouble. ”Kenji has been strange from the first time I met him.” Everyone knows that there is something off about Kenji.
“Uh-huh,” he looks at me not believing me. He doesn’t press the issue. “It may be a good idea to visit him. Let me know if there anything I should know. “
We reach the Boy’s Dorm Building and separate. I walk up to my floor and stop at Kenji’s door. I am not sure if I should try to talk to him. What would I say to him? Is he going to freak out? I look at his door. I knock a couple times.
“Uggh…W-who is it?” a muffle voice calls out.
“Kenji? It is Hisao.”
“You’re dead. I must still be asleep. Go away Hisao’s ghost. I need more sleep.”
Great, I got the freak out option. He either had stayed in room the whole time or just didn’t hear that I was okay. Knowing Kenji, either or both could be true.
“Come Kenji, if I was ghost why would I knock?”
“…You’re a knocking ghost. The kind that appears all bloody and gory when you open the door. I saw that in a movie,” Why am I not surprise that Kenji could come up with an explanation to my obvious statement of fact. Wait…this is Kenji.
“Okay, I will get the feminist to come break the door down and begin the attack! Or, you can open the door,” I try to sound menacing.
It must have work because I hear him come to the door after falling, “I don’t remember putting that pile of bottles there...” I hear the locks click over, “Okay, Hisao’s ghost. I am here go ahead and haunt me.”
Kenji looks horrible. He reeks of alcohol and stale sweat. He must not have taken a shower in weeks and been drinking, from the amount bottles, drinking nightly.
“Kenji, I am not a ghost. I didn’t die,” this is going to be bad, but it is the only way to convince him that I am live. I grab his hand, which he screams, “Stop it, does a ghost have heart beat.”
He thinks for a moment, “You could be a new type of ghost…a…heart beat ghost.” A what, I wonder what movie that came from. One second thought, I don’t what to know what movie that came from knowing Kenji. I take breath, holding it; I gave him a manly hug. He is shocked. “Hisao, you’re alive! I…I keep s-seeing you...”
“It is okay Kenji. I am alive.”
“It is my fault. It is entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you up to the roof. I KNEW IT WAS BOOBY TRAPPED!”
Oh, Lord! ”Kenji, you warned me remember? You told me that it was dangerous. I am fine. You need a shower,” after a moment consideration, “You need to stop drinking. Have you been to class?’
He stands still for minute, “Off and on,” he says after thinking.
“Get clean up and head there now. Promise me, your drinking days are over,” thinking of a way to get a promise out of him, “I am sure the feminist have been plotting since we both been out of commission. You need to have a clear head to find out what they have been up to.”
He snaps up straight, which sends an awful stink my way, “You’re right! I am will clean up and report to class. I give you a report if I find anything.” He salutes and closes his door.
I stand staring at his door. I can’t believe that conversion just happened.
“I guess he is on the road to recovery…or whatever normal is for him.” I smile slightly as I turn to my room’s door and notice that it is open. Shizune is standing there staring at me with a questioning look.
[Feminist conspiracy, is that what you said to him?]
Shit! She can read lips; I guess that makes sense because her being deaf.
[I had to say something to get him to come around and get moving in the right direction. At least, he going to shower and head to class. That is about as normal for Kenji as it gets.] She looks at his door and back at me. She is waiting for something.
[What are doing in my room?] I just realize that she was in there this whole time. If I can’t control my imagination, I am going to need a cold shower.
[Waiting for you, why else would I be here?] She looks at me and crosses her arms. [You are having dirty thoughts aren’t you?]
I start trying to fight off from blushing, [I am not!] I walk into in my room quickly not, followed by Shizune.
[Oh really?] She can even sign with sarcasm. How does she do that?
I look around my room. It seems like forever since I been here and feel the need to reacquainted with my surroundings. I check my closet and see everything has been recently dry-cleaned. My pills been refilled. Someone even made my bed. I turn to Shizune who watches me quietly. [You did all this, didn’t you?] I know the answer before I finish signing it.
[Of course, room needed to be clean for your return. I came here to clean it while everyone else was in class.]
I look around the room and notice a letter on my desk. My eyes lock on to it. Who would have written to me? [Is this from you?]
[No, it came while you were hospital. The Nurse said to leave it here for you. It is from someone call Iwanako.]
Iwanako, I am not sure if I want to read it. Too many memories start hitting me. I turn away from the letter and Shizune. I just stand there looking at wall. I am back in a snow cover forest, then in hospital room with my parents looking at me. Tears start to fall when I remember how they said they would sell their house to find a cure for me. I feel two hands wrap around me from behind, and I feel a head pressing against my back. She is there; she has been there since I came here. It took being hit in the head and losing my world to see that. I grab her hand and turn to face her.
“You can read my lips,” I say slowly.
She can only nod now because I am holding her hands, “You have been there for me since the beginning of my time here. I have been difficult to you and shown you disrespect. Yet, you kept being there for me. You still gave me friendship even when I tried to get you leave. You helped me move forward when I didn’t want to move. You’re my best friend Shizune.”
I tell her all of it. Iwanako and my heart attack when she confessed to me. I can feel my heart racing. I can feel the tears on my face. I can taste the fear in my mouth. I come to realize how much I have come, not depend, but inspired by her. She does it now without even realizing it. I finally say it aloud.
“I love you. I love only you Shizune and no other can take your place.” She looks at me and gently I let go of her hands. She just looks at me. I think for once, I out moved her. She is blushing.
[It is about time.] With that, she kisses me; the taste of her fills me. The pain I have felt for weeks is muted. For the first time since I heard about my parent’s death, I feel I can start again. She doesn’t say she loves me. She is showing me. Typical Shizune, words mean nothing, only action is required.
We part from each and look each other. She smiles at me with that devious grin. [Do you want to read that?] She points to the letter.
I grab the letter and sit on my bed. I motion for Shizune to sit next me. I figure she can read it too; it saves me from repeating it to her. We read that letter, which was written before my parent’s death. I linger over the memory of the last time we saw each other; Iwanako is right about me not wanting happiness. I thought my life was over and no one had the strength to show me different. No one until Shizune came into my life like a drill sergeant.
[Did you love her?] She questions me.
[I liked her. She confessed to me, and then I had my heart attack. I never had a chance to get to know her that well. I mean, I saw her around school, but that was it.]I realize that I can’t even remember what Iwanako looks like clearly. I remember the color of her hair, but I don’t clearly remember her voice, her face, or anything that stands out as being in love her. [If I had loved her, I would have remembered her more clearly. I think the only reason I remember anything about her is because I had a heart attack.]
Shizune looks at me for minute and kisses me. [You want to play a game of Risk.]
I smile at her and nod. [I won’t go easy on you this time.]
She silently laughs. That-was-a-mistake. I really need to learn to think before signing stuff like that with her around.
[Then you wouldn’t mind placing a bet on the outcome of the game. The loser has to cook dinner tonight for the winner and Misha.] I groan and nod my head. Why do I do stuff like this to myself?
I am in the kitchen cooking vegetables and rice for Shizune, Misha, and I. I should pick the next game we are going to play because I really stink at Risk. I serve them their food and return to the kitchen to get mine. I am thankful for Hanako for showing up and helping me. She even made some kind of chicken dish with some spices that she had in kitchen. I offer her to join us, but she refused because Lilly was making something for them.
“Hicchan, this was a great meal!” Misha booms. I guess that hospital voice was only for hospitals.
“Hanako helped. I just cut up the vegetables and cook the rice. She did all the seasoning,” It is tasty.
[I will cook for you next time.]
Shizune has that “I am going to do better than her” look.
“BAWAWA~”I think I actually miss that laugh, a little, “Shicchan do you know how to cook?”
[No, but I will learn. Hiaso confessed to me today.]
I start to choke on my food because Shizune just throw that out there all of sudden.
“What? I thought you…”Misha doesn’t finish when Shizune gives the “shut up Misha” glare.
[What is this?] I regain my breath after the choking fit.
Shizune look like a child caught in a lie, [Well, I was going to confess to you in your room today. You beat me to it, so I didn’t say anything]
I look at her and then at Misha, who smiling like a cat that got into the cream. Shizune was going to confess to me.
“Oh really, you know about this Misha?” I accused.
“Of course, Shicchan and I don’t have secrets. She liked you the first moment you enter the class...EEP!” Misha jumps when Shizune pokes her in the side.
We finish our meal with both Shizune and I blushing every time we look at each other, which causes Misha to laugh. One second thought, I don’t think I miss that laugh at all.
[My cousin Akira will be here in the morning around 9:00 to take us to your home. Is that okay?]
I forgotten about that, or made myself forget about the trip home. My home is a few hours’ drive from here, but that isn’t why I am not saying anything. I am not looking forward going there with all the memories there. I know Shizune will be there and Misha. I don’t know if I can handle it. I feel a lite touch on my hand. I look up to see two wonderful blue eyes looking at me.
[I am fine. That will be a good time. I will meet you downstairs at eight in the morning. We can have breakfast together.]
Shizune looks at me. Misha finishes her meal and heads to bed. “I don’t want to oversleep. I will see you in the morning Hicchan.”
She looks briefly at Shizune. I swear she look as if she regrets something, but I could be wrong. She leaves Shizune and me alone.
[So, you were going to confess to me.] Shizune just glares at me. She can be intimating when she does, but this isn’t one of those time. She sighs at me.
[I will walk you out.] I laugh. Shizune’s way of saying you got me, but you haven’t won the game.
We head outside. The stars are out and curfew in 20 minutes away. I put my arm around her and pull her close to me. I give her a small kiss and hold her. She gently pushes me away.
[You had better get to bed. I will meet you here in the morning.]
She gives me a kiss good-bye and heads into the Girl’s dorm. I touch her shoulder before she gets out of reach.
[Will you stay with me? I don’t want be alone tonight.]
She looks conflicted. She is the Student Council President, and she must set example by following the rules. This would be a major violation of the rules for her to be in the Boy’s Dorm after curfew and spending the night.
[Can’t stand to be without me?] She smiles at me. [I will if you answer one question, what is C6H12O6.]
[The sugar molecule glucose, which has six carbon atoms, twelve hydrogen atoms and six oxygen atoms, science, is my best subject.] I am guessing this is Shizune’s way of saying yes without saying yes.
[I will have to try harder next time. I will stay with you if you want] She looks at me. [No funny stuff, we just started dating and wouldn’t be appropriate for us to do…that.] She starts to blush.
I smile slightly at her at her attempt to cheer me up. [I just don’t want to be alone. I couldn’t sleep the last time I got out the hospital. I am afraid of being alone.]
She understands what I am trying to say. [Wait here, I be right back.] She hurries back into the girl’s dorm.
I close my eye and listen to the night. It is something I used to do in the city, but it is so different here. There is no sound of cars or planes constantly in the air. The air is different too, clean and brisk. The city smells of humanity, but here it smells of nature’s peace. I am trying to find peace. It is hard when I am alone without Shizune. I think about her, but I always start thinking about what I did to my parents. I stand there listening to the night when I feel a hand touch my face. She is there again to remind me I am not alone. I open my eye and stare at those eyes of the person that has come to mean everything to me.
[We need to hurry if we are going to beat curfew, ready.] I sign after look my watch.
She just grabs my hand and pulls me toward the Boy’s Dorm; I guess that is a yes. We get to my room and close the door. Shizune looks around while I stare at her in the moonlight.
She turns to me, [You are doing it again, staring. It makes me nervous when you do that. I feel like I am some kind of animal in a zoo.]
[Sorry, I can’t seem to help myself.] I am glad it is dark to hide my blushing. [Tell me about your family.]
She sits on my bed and looks out the window. This is the first time I asked about her life. She looks down for a moment in thought and then looks at me.
[I have brother, Hideaki; he is smart and can read people like a book. He has no fashion sense, like you and those sweater vests. My father…] I remember what she said when she and Lilly were talking about their fathers. [He is difficult. He doesn’t like to lose and doesn’t know when the game is over. He spent thousands to get me to talk because he wouldn’t learn sign language. He loved my mother, you remind me of him that way, and he always looks at her with eyes of a lovesick teenager.]
I sit absorbing her words. [Tell me about your mother.]
A pain look comes across her face, [She died of cancer when I was 12. She was beautiful, caring, and the kindest person I know. She was the only one that could make father stop being an ass with just a look.]
She reaches into her bag and pulls a picture frame out. There a beautiful woman, an older Shizune, a man stands next to her looking at her with lovesick eyes. Even in this picture, there is serenity that radiates toward the man. They are hugging and looking at each other. I look up Shizune. A tear is falling down her check, I reach up and wipe away gently.
[I am here for you, always. Let me help you the way you always have help me.]
We kiss, not of passion, but of love and shared pain. We hold each other tightly. I can’t imagine my life now without her around, but something has been bothering me. I don’t want to break the mood. It might be something she needs to know.
[Have you noticed the way Misha has been looking at us? Have I done something to her?]Misha has been looking at Shizune and me with something close of being jealous.
[No, it is nothing. I will talk to her after tomorrow. Are you going to kiss me again?] She smiles at me.
After the typical hurry and wait for check out of the hospital, the Nurse and I walk to the dorms. I hoped that Shizune would have come by before school, however, she didn’t. The Nurse is going over my schedule for continuing therapy, but it is just running Emi and getting my typical checkup.
“There is something I need to discuss with you. It is about your accident.”
“Oh? I thought that was pretty much covered. I fell, bounce off bunch of tree limbs, and then splat.”
He gives me a grin, “I am glad to hear you joke about it, but it isn’t really about you this time. It is about your dorm mate. He hasn’t been normal since the accident. Is there a related event?
Kenji? I thinking about my situation that I haven’t consider what may have happened to him. No one knows about our “manly picnic” on the roof, which leads to my fall.
“I don’t think so,” I lie because I don’t want to get him in trouble. ”Kenji has been strange from the first time I met him.” Everyone knows that there is something off about Kenji.
“Uh-huh,” he looks at me not believing me. He doesn’t press the issue. “It may be a good idea to visit him. Let me know if there anything I should know. “
We reach the Boy’s Dorm Building and separate. I walk up to my floor and stop at Kenji’s door. I am not sure if I should try to talk to him. What would I say to him? Is he going to freak out? I look at his door. I knock a couple times.
“Uggh…W-who is it?” a muffle voice calls out.
“Kenji? It is Hisao.”
“You’re dead. I must still be asleep. Go away Hisao’s ghost. I need more sleep.”
Great, I got the freak out option. He either had stayed in room the whole time or just didn’t hear that I was okay. Knowing Kenji, either or both could be true.
“Come Kenji, if I was ghost why would I knock?”
“…You’re a knocking ghost. The kind that appears all bloody and gory when you open the door. I saw that in a movie,” Why am I not surprise that Kenji could come up with an explanation to my obvious statement of fact. Wait…this is Kenji.
“Okay, I will get the feminist to come break the door down and begin the attack! Or, you can open the door,” I try to sound menacing.
It must have work because I hear him come to the door after falling, “I don’t remember putting that pile of bottles there...” I hear the locks click over, “Okay, Hisao’s ghost. I am here go ahead and haunt me.”
Kenji looks horrible. He reeks of alcohol and stale sweat. He must not have taken a shower in weeks and been drinking, from the amount bottles, drinking nightly.
“Kenji, I am not a ghost. I didn’t die,” this is going to be bad, but it is the only way to convince him that I am live. I grab his hand, which he screams, “Stop it, does a ghost have heart beat.”
He thinks for a moment, “You could be a new type of ghost…a…heart beat ghost.” A what, I wonder what movie that came from. One second thought, I don’t what to know what movie that came from knowing Kenji. I take breath, holding it; I gave him a manly hug. He is shocked. “Hisao, you’re alive! I…I keep s-seeing you...”
“It is okay Kenji. I am alive.”
“It is my fault. It is entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you up to the roof. I KNEW IT WAS BOOBY TRAPPED!”
Oh, Lord! ”Kenji, you warned me remember? You told me that it was dangerous. I am fine. You need a shower,” after a moment consideration, “You need to stop drinking. Have you been to class?’
He stands still for minute, “Off and on,” he says after thinking.
“Get clean up and head there now. Promise me, your drinking days are over,” thinking of a way to get a promise out of him, “I am sure the feminist have been plotting since we both been out of commission. You need to have a clear head to find out what they have been up to.”
He snaps up straight, which sends an awful stink my way, “You’re right! I am will clean up and report to class. I give you a report if I find anything.” He salutes and closes his door.
I stand staring at his door. I can’t believe that conversion just happened.
“I guess he is on the road to recovery…or whatever normal is for him.” I smile slightly as I turn to my room’s door and notice that it is open. Shizune is standing there staring at me with a questioning look.
[Feminist conspiracy, is that what you said to him?]
Shit! She can read lips; I guess that makes sense because her being deaf.
[I had to say something to get him to come around and get moving in the right direction. At least, he going to shower and head to class. That is about as normal for Kenji as it gets.] She looks at his door and back at me. She is waiting for something.
[What are doing in my room?] I just realize that she was in there this whole time. If I can’t control my imagination, I am going to need a cold shower.
[Waiting for you, why else would I be here?] She looks at me and crosses her arms. [You are having dirty thoughts aren’t you?]
I start trying to fight off from blushing, [I am not!] I walk into in my room quickly not, followed by Shizune.
[Oh really?] She can even sign with sarcasm. How does she do that?
I look around my room. It seems like forever since I been here and feel the need to reacquainted with my surroundings. I check my closet and see everything has been recently dry-cleaned. My pills been refilled. Someone even made my bed. I turn to Shizune who watches me quietly. [You did all this, didn’t you?] I know the answer before I finish signing it.
[Of course, room needed to be clean for your return. I came here to clean it while everyone else was in class.]
I look around the room and notice a letter on my desk. My eyes lock on to it. Who would have written to me? [Is this from you?]
[No, it came while you were hospital. The Nurse said to leave it here for you. It is from someone call Iwanako.]
Iwanako, I am not sure if I want to read it. Too many memories start hitting me. I turn away from the letter and Shizune. I just stand there looking at wall. I am back in a snow cover forest, then in hospital room with my parents looking at me. Tears start to fall when I remember how they said they would sell their house to find a cure for me. I feel two hands wrap around me from behind, and I feel a head pressing against my back. She is there; she has been there since I came here. It took being hit in the head and losing my world to see that. I grab her hand and turn to face her.
“You can read my lips,” I say slowly.
She can only nod now because I am holding her hands, “You have been there for me since the beginning of my time here. I have been difficult to you and shown you disrespect. Yet, you kept being there for me. You still gave me friendship even when I tried to get you leave. You helped me move forward when I didn’t want to move. You’re my best friend Shizune.”
I tell her all of it. Iwanako and my heart attack when she confessed to me. I can feel my heart racing. I can feel the tears on my face. I can taste the fear in my mouth. I come to realize how much I have come, not depend, but inspired by her. She does it now without even realizing it. I finally say it aloud.
“I love you. I love only you Shizune and no other can take your place.” She looks at me and gently I let go of her hands. She just looks at me. I think for once, I out moved her. She is blushing.
[It is about time.] With that, she kisses me; the taste of her fills me. The pain I have felt for weeks is muted. For the first time since I heard about my parent’s death, I feel I can start again. She doesn’t say she loves me. She is showing me. Typical Shizune, words mean nothing, only action is required.
We part from each and look each other. She smiles at me with that devious grin. [Do you want to read that?] She points to the letter.
I grab the letter and sit on my bed. I motion for Shizune to sit next me. I figure she can read it too; it saves me from repeating it to her. We read that letter, which was written before my parent’s death. I linger over the memory of the last time we saw each other; Iwanako is right about me not wanting happiness. I thought my life was over and no one had the strength to show me different. No one until Shizune came into my life like a drill sergeant.
[Did you love her?] She questions me.
[I liked her. She confessed to me, and then I had my heart attack. I never had a chance to get to know her that well. I mean, I saw her around school, but that was it.]I realize that I can’t even remember what Iwanako looks like clearly. I remember the color of her hair, but I don’t clearly remember her voice, her face, or anything that stands out as being in love her. [If I had loved her, I would have remembered her more clearly. I think the only reason I remember anything about her is because I had a heart attack.]
Shizune looks at me for minute and kisses me. [You want to play a game of Risk.]
I smile at her and nod. [I won’t go easy on you this time.]
She silently laughs. That-was-a-mistake. I really need to learn to think before signing stuff like that with her around.
[Then you wouldn’t mind placing a bet on the outcome of the game. The loser has to cook dinner tonight for the winner and Misha.] I groan and nod my head. Why do I do stuff like this to myself?
I am in the kitchen cooking vegetables and rice for Shizune, Misha, and I. I should pick the next game we are going to play because I really stink at Risk. I serve them their food and return to the kitchen to get mine. I am thankful for Hanako for showing up and helping me. She even made some kind of chicken dish with some spices that she had in kitchen. I offer her to join us, but she refused because Lilly was making something for them.
“Hicchan, this was a great meal!” Misha booms. I guess that hospital voice was only for hospitals.
“Hanako helped. I just cut up the vegetables and cook the rice. She did all the seasoning,” It is tasty.
[I will cook for you next time.]
Shizune has that “I am going to do better than her” look.
“BAWAWA~”I think I actually miss that laugh, a little, “Shicchan do you know how to cook?”
[No, but I will learn. Hiaso confessed to me today.]
I start to choke on my food because Shizune just throw that out there all of sudden.
“What? I thought you…”Misha doesn’t finish when Shizune gives the “shut up Misha” glare.
[What is this?] I regain my breath after the choking fit.
Shizune look like a child caught in a lie, [Well, I was going to confess to you in your room today. You beat me to it, so I didn’t say anything]
I look at her and then at Misha, who smiling like a cat that got into the cream. Shizune was going to confess to me.
“Oh really, you know about this Misha?” I accused.
“Of course, Shicchan and I don’t have secrets. She liked you the first moment you enter the class...EEP!” Misha jumps when Shizune pokes her in the side.
We finish our meal with both Shizune and I blushing every time we look at each other, which causes Misha to laugh. One second thought, I don’t think I miss that laugh at all.
[My cousin Akira will be here in the morning around 9:00 to take us to your home. Is that okay?]
I forgotten about that, or made myself forget about the trip home. My home is a few hours’ drive from here, but that isn’t why I am not saying anything. I am not looking forward going there with all the memories there. I know Shizune will be there and Misha. I don’t know if I can handle it. I feel a lite touch on my hand. I look up to see two wonderful blue eyes looking at me.
[I am fine. That will be a good time. I will meet you downstairs at eight in the morning. We can have breakfast together.]
Shizune looks at me. Misha finishes her meal and heads to bed. “I don’t want to oversleep. I will see you in the morning Hicchan.”
She looks briefly at Shizune. I swear she look as if she regrets something, but I could be wrong. She leaves Shizune and me alone.
[So, you were going to confess to me.] Shizune just glares at me. She can be intimating when she does, but this isn’t one of those time. She sighs at me.
[I will walk you out.] I laugh. Shizune’s way of saying you got me, but you haven’t won the game.
We head outside. The stars are out and curfew in 20 minutes away. I put my arm around her and pull her close to me. I give her a small kiss and hold her. She gently pushes me away.
[You had better get to bed. I will meet you here in the morning.]
She gives me a kiss good-bye and heads into the Girl’s dorm. I touch her shoulder before she gets out of reach.
[Will you stay with me? I don’t want be alone tonight.]
She looks conflicted. She is the Student Council President, and she must set example by following the rules. This would be a major violation of the rules for her to be in the Boy’s Dorm after curfew and spending the night.
[Can’t stand to be without me?] She smiles at me. [I will if you answer one question, what is C6H12O6.]
[The sugar molecule glucose, which has six carbon atoms, twelve hydrogen atoms and six oxygen atoms, science, is my best subject.] I am guessing this is Shizune’s way of saying yes without saying yes.
[I will have to try harder next time. I will stay with you if you want] She looks at me. [No funny stuff, we just started dating and wouldn’t be appropriate for us to do…that.] She starts to blush.
I smile slightly at her at her attempt to cheer me up. [I just don’t want to be alone. I couldn’t sleep the last time I got out the hospital. I am afraid of being alone.]
She understands what I am trying to say. [Wait here, I be right back.] She hurries back into the girl’s dorm.
I close my eye and listen to the night. It is something I used to do in the city, but it is so different here. There is no sound of cars or planes constantly in the air. The air is different too, clean and brisk. The city smells of humanity, but here it smells of nature’s peace. I am trying to find peace. It is hard when I am alone without Shizune. I think about her, but I always start thinking about what I did to my parents. I stand there listening to the night when I feel a hand touch my face. She is there again to remind me I am not alone. I open my eye and stare at those eyes of the person that has come to mean everything to me.
[We need to hurry if we are going to beat curfew, ready.] I sign after look my watch.
She just grabs my hand and pulls me toward the Boy’s Dorm; I guess that is a yes. We get to my room and close the door. Shizune looks around while I stare at her in the moonlight.
She turns to me, [You are doing it again, staring. It makes me nervous when you do that. I feel like I am some kind of animal in a zoo.]
[Sorry, I can’t seem to help myself.] I am glad it is dark to hide my blushing. [Tell me about your family.]
She sits on my bed and looks out the window. This is the first time I asked about her life. She looks down for a moment in thought and then looks at me.
[I have brother, Hideaki; he is smart and can read people like a book. He has no fashion sense, like you and those sweater vests. My father…] I remember what she said when she and Lilly were talking about their fathers. [He is difficult. He doesn’t like to lose and doesn’t know when the game is over. He spent thousands to get me to talk because he wouldn’t learn sign language. He loved my mother, you remind me of him that way, and he always looks at her with eyes of a lovesick teenager.]
I sit absorbing her words. [Tell me about your mother.]
A pain look comes across her face, [She died of cancer when I was 12. She was beautiful, caring, and the kindest person I know. She was the only one that could make father stop being an ass with just a look.]
She reaches into her bag and pulls a picture frame out. There a beautiful woman, an older Shizune, a man stands next to her looking at her with lovesick eyes. Even in this picture, there is serenity that radiates toward the man. They are hugging and looking at each other. I look up Shizune. A tear is falling down her check, I reach up and wipe away gently.
[I am here for you, always. Let me help you the way you always have help me.]
We kiss, not of passion, but of love and shared pain. We hold each other tightly. I can’t imagine my life now without her around, but something has been bothering me. I don’t want to break the mood. It might be something she needs to know.
[Have you noticed the way Misha has been looking at us? Have I done something to her?]Misha has been looking at Shizune and me with something close of being jealous.
[No, it is nothing. I will talk to her after tomorrow. Are you going to kiss me again?] She smiles at me.
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Update 9/3/12)
Dreams and Memories
It is dark and cold. I can hear my parents’ voices.
“Why did you kill us Hiaso?” my father accuses me.
“Didn’t you love us?” my mother accuses me.
“I love you. I didn’t mean it. Please don’t go away. I need you.” I am begging.
“You don’t need us anymore, you have moved on without us. We aren’t going to embarrass you now, you made sure of that,” they both appear before me with accusing eyes. “You have your precious Shizune now. You don’t need us. What would happen if you lost her too?”
Suddenly Shizune is there, scared and trying to reach out to me. I try to grab her hand when the darkness swallows her up.
“You will always be alone. That is what you deserve for what you have done. Your friends will leave you one by one,” another voice, says, “Just like your parents, just like Iwanako, and just like your friends from your old school. You don’t deserve to have anyone in your life.”
“Who are you?” I yell out into the blackness.
A figure appears, one I know all too well. It is I before I fell off roof. He points at me and says, “Guilty!” Then he reaches into my chest and grabs my heart, “Time to die and pay the price of your actions.”
I cry out and look around at my dorm room. I panic for instant before I see Shizune. She opens her eyes and looks concern seeing me all sweaty. I can feel the cold sweat now dripping off me. I look at her not believing my sense. I slowly touch her to assure myself she is there.
[Are you okay?] I can see how worried she is by the look on her face. [You want to talk about it.]
Am I okay? This is first nightmare I had like that, vivid. I can still feel the cold, I can still hear that accusations of my parents, and the fear of losing Shizune is still there.
Thump
Thump-Thump
Thump
Thump-Thump
I need to calm down. I can’t calm down. Then I feel a hand on my chest, I jump a little. It is Shizune. I hug her tightly. I cling to her like a life vest in an ocean of fear. She starts rubbing my hair. My heart goes back to normal. I let her go and look at her.
[I thought I lost you and everyone. I never felt so alone before and my parents were accusing me of killing them and not loving them. I don’t think I can go back to sleep. I feel so cold.]
She holds me. She slowly pulls back and kisses my gently on my forehead.
[Do you want to play Risk?] She smiles at me.
I smile at her. [No, I have learned my lesson. You are the master of Risk.]
She fakes a pout. I think she has been practicing that pout. It is very Emish. That reminds me.
[Do you want to start running with me in the morning? I am sure Emi wouldn’t mind. In fact, I bet she would be happy to have some real competition on the track for once.]
[You think I need to exercise.] She looks at me while stretching her arms above her head. Her grey stain nightgown shows off her attributes.
I turn my head to regain control of my thoughts, baseball, chess moves, and The Life of Pi run through my head. After regaining control of my thoughts, I look back at her.
[No, I figure you wouldn’t mind seeing me sweat and be out breath.] If she wants to play, I can play.
Is she blushing? It is her turn to look at the wall. I laugh a little. Sometimes she acts like a little girl. I look forward to these little moments. It gives me an idea of what she was like before being “Student Council President.”
[You just want to see me in a skimpy gym outfit with no bra] She strikes back.
I kiss her lightly. [How did you guess?] I smile at her to know I am joking.
She looks shocked that I would reply that fast. Then she pulls out her deadliest weapon, she gives that warm smile. I feel her lips press mine. I brush her hair away from her forehead.
[If it will make you happy, I will join you for your runs.]
[I love you, Shizune.]
She looks at me. She touches my face so softly that I am not sure if it is real. Her smile touches my soul in way I didn’t think possible. Then something I thought she would never do… [I love you too.]
I just stare at her. [Can you do that again, please?]
[I love you Hiaso. I am not going anywhere without you, even if I have to drag you by your hair. You are stuck with me. I won’t allow you to lose me. I am not going to lose you. I fight Death himself before I let him take you away. I love you and only you.]
Thump-Thump
My heart jumps with joy. Literally, I guess it is usefully for something after all. I reach for her and lay down. We each just stare each other before kissing again. Her eyes slowly start to close as mine do too. There were no more nightmares that night only dreams of Shizune enter my conscious.
Shizune wakes me up in the morning with a shake. She has already showered and dress for the day. She is dress conservatively with a blue top and black skirt. [I have to go get Misha up. She tends to sleep right through her alarm. Do you want meet by Rin’s mural?]
[That will be fine.]I see my dark suit lay out for me. [Did you pick out me clothes?]
[I wanted you get your rest, so I let you sleep until you had to get up. You have 30 minutes to get downstairs. Don’t forget to take your pills.]
She stands there with a comical “obey me” expression. She is trying to comfort me still after last night’s nightmare. [Yes, Mistress Shizune. I will obey.]
I give her a slightly force smile. I am not looking forward to this experience. Even though Shizune and Misha are going to be there, facing the memories of my parents’ house still brings up too many emotions. Shizune touches my face turning up from the floor.
[Remember what I said last night, I am not going to lose you. Misha and I will be there for you today, don’t forget that.]
I give her a hug as a thank you. She leaves to head back to the Girl’s dorm. I reach for my pills and a note lies on top of them. It is from Shizune.
Hisao,
I think too much when I sign, and it holds me back sometimes. I do really love you. I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens today, I would be standing by your side. I believe in you. You will come through this. I complained that you watch me all the time, but I have been watching you too.
I learn a lot about you from playing Risk. You try too hard, which is why I can win. You give everything into the game and hold nothing back. I am jealous of you because you can do that without thinking. You inspire me to do better, to be a better person.
I am looking forward to learning more about you today, but I won’t push you into opening up to me. Today, I am not Shizune the Student Council President; I never want you to think of me like that again, I am just Shizune. You said you are my best friend. While Misha was the closest friend I thought I would ever have, you have become my best friend too in a short time. I feel I can tell you anything.
I want to ask you something tonight when we get back to school. It is important.
Love,
Shizune
I put the note down and look out the window. I inspire Shizune. I glance at the clock, damn! I have to hurry if I am going to shower and get dress in time.
[You’re late.] Shizune stares at me with disapproval.
[I would have been here soon if someone to didn’t leave me a note that caused me to think about life and love.] I grin at her. [Where is Misha?]
[She is waiting for us at the gate. I thought we head into town for breakfast. The Shanghai has the best food.]
She grabs my hand and we head to the gate. My thoughts turn to what is going to happen. When I see the gates, I remember the conversion I had with my parents here.
“I know you don’t want to be here, but your mother and I couldn’t bear it if anything happens to you.” My father hugs me, something he very rarely did. “I love you Hisao. You are a strong young man. I know this because it took this long for your heart to give trouble. You will overcome this and have long life. I don’t want lose you, son.”
There were tears in his eye when he spoke to me. It was the first time I ever saw my father afraid of anything. My mother was worried. She was scared for a different reason.
“You won’t be alone here, dear. I am sure you will make friends.” She was afraid of me being lonely. “We know that this is a very nice school. We hope that you can adjust to it. You never know, you might find that special someone.” She hugged me and stokes my hair while she continues, “I love you dear. We come anytime you need us.”
“You better head to class. We will put your clothes up in your room. Good luck, call us tonight.”
That was the last time we talked in person. I called them that night and told them about my first day. They laughed about Shizune and Misha antics. I think they would have to liked them very much, especially Shizune. I feel a tug on my hand.
“Are you okay Hicchan?” Misha is standing there. It is the first time I ever seen Misha dress in something other than a school uniform. She is dress light pink satin top and a black skirt.
“I am fine…just…remembering the last time I was standing here with my parents.” The mood changes to a somber quiet. I need to stop this. My parents wouldn’t want me to be like this, “They would have liked you two. After my first day here, I called them and told them about you two. They said they would like meet the two that gave me the grand tour.”
We start heading into town. We walk in silence for a way. Of course, Misha broke the mood.
“What did you tell them about us?”
I smile, “I told them I have two admires that just wanted me for my mind.”
Shizune look at me and rolled her eyes, [I am sure that is what you said them.]
I smile at her, “I told them two cute girls tried to wrangle me into join the Student Council. My mother wanted to know which one I thought was cuter, but my father wanted me to join.”
“Really Hicchan, Which one of us did you say was cuter?”
“I didn’t,” I whisper, “I told them both to mind their own business. I was angry with them. I didn’t want to come here at first. I felt they force me to leave all my friends, which didn’t make sense. My friends had left me a long time before I came here. I was scared of…being different…being disable.” I take a deep breath. “It was the last time I spoke to them. I didn’t tell them I love them. I just accused them of ruining my life. I wish…” I feel the lump in my throat.
We stop walking. Misha and Shizune both turn to look at me.
[They knew you love them. I am sure they understood that you were scared because everything you went through before you came to us.]
“Shizune is right Hicchan. Your parents just wanted you to be okay. They wanted you give a chance to have a life,” Well, that was deep. Who would think Mish would have such deep thought.
“You are right. I know that now…just now I realize how much gave up for me to be here. I am lucky that I came here and found you two. I want to thank you before for being with me today.” We all hug and head to Shanghai.
“Yo! Hey Shizune, Misha, are you going to introduce me to your friend,” a blonde woman shouts as she enters the Shanghai. I could only tell that it is woman by her voice because she is dress in a pinstriped suit. She has a smile on her face look at us.
[This is Akira, my cousin. She is Lilly’s sister and works at her father’s company. She flamboyant and boisterous compare to Lily’s quiet nature. I think she takes after her Scottish side of her family tree.]
“I am Hisao. Nice to meet you Akira,” we shake hands.
“Don’t let Shizune fool you. I am far more boisterous than she has told you,” she laughs. “However, I know when to let my Scottish out and when to keep in check.” She takes a sympathetic look, “Are you ready Hisao?”
While I am thankful for her not going with the typical sympathy greeting that I have come to dread when people meet me, I still hope that I won’t have to see that expression on anyone else today. “No, but I need to do this. Thank you for driving us.”
We drive the two hours to my home just outside of Sendai. I start remembering my life there with my friends, my parents, and my wandering of the city at night. I never could imagine living anywhere else, but Yamaku has shown me that I prefer the quiet life the country offers. As we get closer to my home, I start see stores and restaurants that I used to go to when I live here. I feel like that I am entering a different world; I am a different person than the one that lived here a few months ago. We pull up to a modest traditional home. Akira parks the car in the driveway as I stare at the front door.
“Well, we are here. Do you want for us to wait here?” Akira looks at me with an encouraging smile.
“…I...I would like to go in by myself for a few minutes…” I feel my voice tremble.
“Hicchan, it will be okay. We are here for you,” Misha says gently.
[You can do this, Hisao. We will come in a couple of minutes. Here, take these with you. They will help] She hands me juzu.
I give her a sad smile and head to the door. I unlock it and stand at the door. I reach out to hold onto the doorframe. It has been over a month…the smell of home hits me. I can smell the tobacco my father use to smoke. A faint saint of my mother’s perfume tickles my memory.
“Hisao, Come and eat.”
“One moment Mom, I almost done with my report,” I have been working on this report for school for the last week. I finish with the last of the footnotes and head down stairs in hurry. Mom made my favorite tonight her Zoni. The smell has driven to finish since she got home from work.
“You better hurry. I am about to start without you,” my father teases me.
“Akiyoshi, stop teasing him, I remember you sitting at your desk last week working that report for work and being the same way,” that is my mom. Always cheering me on when my father tries to get the best of me.
I enter the dining room. My vision blurs as the memory slips from my mind. How many dinners did we have here that I have forgotten? How many times did my mom make Zoni for me? I walk into my father’s small office where there is a chess set still out.
“It is your move, Hisao,” my father has been teaching how to play for a month now. I am starting to see the patterns and guess his moves, but I know I am about to lose. His Queen and Rook are working together to put me in checkmate. I have just a pawn left for defense that I have been working to his side to get my queen back. I am hoping to get my stalemate when I move my pawn from C5 to C6. His queen takes my pawn and the game is over in two moves after that.
“I don’t I will ever beat you at chess dad. “ I am disappointed. I was going for a stalemate and still can’t even do that.
“Don’t be discouraged. You are getting better predicting my moves, but you need to be a little more aggressive. Chess is like life, son, sometimes you have to risk losing to win,” my father give me an encouraging smile, “If you must know the truth, you are learning faster than me. When your grandfather taught me, it took me months to get to the level of play you are showing. I know you have a logical mind, but you tend to be unobservant sometimes.”
I grab the black king from the chess set. My father always played black to allow me to have the first move when teaching me to play. I have forgotten how he used to encourage me to learn. I feel a touch on my shoulder. Shizune and Misha are there looking at me. I notice my face is wet from tears that have been falling. I smile at them.
“Hi. Can you help put this up? I would like to take it with me.”
We collect the chess set and some books that my father wanted me to read, but I always found other things to do. We head by the shrine in the living room. Pictures of my parents are there with lit candles.
“Did you light the candles?”
[Misha and I wanted to pay our respects to your parents. I lit one for your father.]
“I lit the one for your mother. They were a handsome couple Hisao. You look like your father, but you have your mothers eyes…I mean…I...sorry Hicchan…I...” Misha starts to cry.
“Misha, it is okay,” I hug her, “I know what you meant and thank you.”
After Misha emotions calm down, I turn back to the picture and bow. “Mother, Father these are my friends Misha and Shizune. They have helped me since you have gone. You would like them. Misha is full of life and makes me laugh. She reminds me not to take myself too seriously and to enjoy life. This Shizune, you would love her as much as I do. She is strong will like you dad, but she has heart of love like mom. They are my best friends even if they try to wrangle me into the Student Council every chance they get.”
I hear Shizune huff, “That’s not true Hicchan! We don’t “wrangle” anyone!”
I grin at them and continue, “Mom, you were right. I did find someone special at Yamaku. This is Shizune. I love her with all my heart. I wish you could have met her mom. I wish you could have met them both. I wish…” I cry for the last time. My tears aren’t for the loss of my parents but for Misha and Shizune. “I think you both would have like my parents. I am sorry that you never get the chance to meet them.”
[We have met them Hisao. You are the best of them.]
“Shicchan is right. You are the best of them. We love you and them.” I take out the juzu as Misha start chatting. “Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum…”
My parents were Buddhist. They would love the fact my friends are trying to comfort me in the traditional way. I start moving the juzu in time with Misha’s chant. I look at Shizune who just gives me a smile.
[It is time for you to forgive yourself. Don’t let the memory of your parents be tainted with guilt your feel about their death. They want you to be able to live your life.]
I look back at their pictures. Misha’s chanting is calming me. Shizune words give me strength for this last step.
“I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I am sorry for my part in your death. Forgive me, please.”
“I am sure they do” a voice speaks which causes us to jump.
We turn to see Akira came with Mr. Kobayashi. ”He said he was a friend of the family. Do you know who this is Hisao?”
“He is an old friend of my parents Hisao Kobayashi. Please, join us…both of you.”
“Thank you, Hisao. I just want to see how you are doing. You seem better since the last time we met.”
“You can thank these two for that. Shizune and Misha have been giving me reason to stop punishing myself for my parents’ death.”
He bows in respect to them, “You have my thanks. I am also here to give you this,” he hands me a checkbook; “This is your bank account. I am sure you have more than enough money to get you through this school year in the account. I see you found some items to take back with you.”
“Yes, I am taking a few items. What do you plan do with the rest of my parents’ belongings?”
“I will them put in storage for right now. I will pay to have your house clean and maintained while you at school. Don’t worry; I will make sure everything is return when you are ready.”
I turn to look at my parents’ picture for the last time. I made sure to grab the photo albums from my parents’ bedroom, but I want to remember the shine. “All I ask is the shrine stays.”
“Of course, Hisao, I will make sure it is properly maintained. There is one last thing before you go. I didn’t think you were ready before when we first met, but I can see that you are now. I was talking to your parents when the accident happened. I want to tell you their last words. They said they were proud to have a son like you. That would give anything for you to be happy.” He looks knowing at Shizune. “I am told that you love with this girl.”
“I love Shizune.”
Shizune looks challenging at Mr. Kobayashi. [Is that a problem?]
[No, I just wanted you to know that I will be very upset if you hurt him. He is my namesake after all.] He grins at her and leaves.
[I am sure he was just joking.] A assure her after looking at the expression on her face.
I take one last look around before leaving. “I love you mom. I love you dad. Good-bye.”
Shizune is standing at the door waiting for me. [Are you going to be okay?]
[Eventually, yes. Until then, I am going to try to keep moving forward. Do you want to play a game of chess when we get back to school?]
She smiles at me, [I would like that, but I want something first.]
She steps closer to me and wraps her arms around me. Her lips softly touch mine as we embrace each other. I remember the first time we “talked” how driven she was and how aggressive she tried to get me to join the Student Council. She has changed just as much as I have. Shizune will always be aggressive, but she appears to be more open. I see Misha looking at us. She smiles sadly. I can’t help feel something is wrong. Shizune and I get back in the car. On the way back, I can’t help think about the way Misha look at Shizune and I.
__________________________________________________________
It is dark and cold. I can hear my parents’ voices.
“Why did you kill us Hiaso?” my father accuses me.
“Didn’t you love us?” my mother accuses me.
“I love you. I didn’t mean it. Please don’t go away. I need you.” I am begging.
“You don’t need us anymore, you have moved on without us. We aren’t going to embarrass you now, you made sure of that,” they both appear before me with accusing eyes. “You have your precious Shizune now. You don’t need us. What would happen if you lost her too?”
Suddenly Shizune is there, scared and trying to reach out to me. I try to grab her hand when the darkness swallows her up.
“You will always be alone. That is what you deserve for what you have done. Your friends will leave you one by one,” another voice, says, “Just like your parents, just like Iwanako, and just like your friends from your old school. You don’t deserve to have anyone in your life.”
“Who are you?” I yell out into the blackness.
A figure appears, one I know all too well. It is I before I fell off roof. He points at me and says, “Guilty!” Then he reaches into my chest and grabs my heart, “Time to die and pay the price of your actions.”
I cry out and look around at my dorm room. I panic for instant before I see Shizune. She opens her eyes and looks concern seeing me all sweaty. I can feel the cold sweat now dripping off me. I look at her not believing my sense. I slowly touch her to assure myself she is there.
[Are you okay?] I can see how worried she is by the look on her face. [You want to talk about it.]
Am I okay? This is first nightmare I had like that, vivid. I can still feel the cold, I can still hear that accusations of my parents, and the fear of losing Shizune is still there.
Thump
Thump-Thump
Thump
Thump-Thump
I need to calm down. I can’t calm down. Then I feel a hand on my chest, I jump a little. It is Shizune. I hug her tightly. I cling to her like a life vest in an ocean of fear. She starts rubbing my hair. My heart goes back to normal. I let her go and look at her.
[I thought I lost you and everyone. I never felt so alone before and my parents were accusing me of killing them and not loving them. I don’t think I can go back to sleep. I feel so cold.]
She holds me. She slowly pulls back and kisses my gently on my forehead.
[Do you want to play Risk?] She smiles at me.
I smile at her. [No, I have learned my lesson. You are the master of Risk.]
She fakes a pout. I think she has been practicing that pout. It is very Emish. That reminds me.
[Do you want to start running with me in the morning? I am sure Emi wouldn’t mind. In fact, I bet she would be happy to have some real competition on the track for once.]
[You think I need to exercise.] She looks at me while stretching her arms above her head. Her grey stain nightgown shows off her attributes.
I turn my head to regain control of my thoughts, baseball, chess moves, and The Life of Pi run through my head. After regaining control of my thoughts, I look back at her.
[No, I figure you wouldn’t mind seeing me sweat and be out breath.] If she wants to play, I can play.
Is she blushing? It is her turn to look at the wall. I laugh a little. Sometimes she acts like a little girl. I look forward to these little moments. It gives me an idea of what she was like before being “Student Council President.”
[You just want to see me in a skimpy gym outfit with no bra] She strikes back.
I kiss her lightly. [How did you guess?] I smile at her to know I am joking.
She looks shocked that I would reply that fast. Then she pulls out her deadliest weapon, she gives that warm smile. I feel her lips press mine. I brush her hair away from her forehead.
[If it will make you happy, I will join you for your runs.]
[I love you, Shizune.]
She looks at me. She touches my face so softly that I am not sure if it is real. Her smile touches my soul in way I didn’t think possible. Then something I thought she would never do… [I love you too.]
I just stare at her. [Can you do that again, please?]
[I love you Hiaso. I am not going anywhere without you, even if I have to drag you by your hair. You are stuck with me. I won’t allow you to lose me. I am not going to lose you. I fight Death himself before I let him take you away. I love you and only you.]
Thump-Thump
My heart jumps with joy. Literally, I guess it is usefully for something after all. I reach for her and lay down. We each just stare each other before kissing again. Her eyes slowly start to close as mine do too. There were no more nightmares that night only dreams of Shizune enter my conscious.
Shizune wakes me up in the morning with a shake. She has already showered and dress for the day. She is dress conservatively with a blue top and black skirt. [I have to go get Misha up. She tends to sleep right through her alarm. Do you want meet by Rin’s mural?]
[That will be fine.]I see my dark suit lay out for me. [Did you pick out me clothes?]
[I wanted you get your rest, so I let you sleep until you had to get up. You have 30 minutes to get downstairs. Don’t forget to take your pills.]
She stands there with a comical “obey me” expression. She is trying to comfort me still after last night’s nightmare. [Yes, Mistress Shizune. I will obey.]
I give her a slightly force smile. I am not looking forward to this experience. Even though Shizune and Misha are going to be there, facing the memories of my parents’ house still brings up too many emotions. Shizune touches my face turning up from the floor.
[Remember what I said last night, I am not going to lose you. Misha and I will be there for you today, don’t forget that.]
I give her a hug as a thank you. She leaves to head back to the Girl’s dorm. I reach for my pills and a note lies on top of them. It is from Shizune.
Hisao,
I think too much when I sign, and it holds me back sometimes. I do really love you. I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens today, I would be standing by your side. I believe in you. You will come through this. I complained that you watch me all the time, but I have been watching you too.
I learn a lot about you from playing Risk. You try too hard, which is why I can win. You give everything into the game and hold nothing back. I am jealous of you because you can do that without thinking. You inspire me to do better, to be a better person.
I am looking forward to learning more about you today, but I won’t push you into opening up to me. Today, I am not Shizune the Student Council President; I never want you to think of me like that again, I am just Shizune. You said you are my best friend. While Misha was the closest friend I thought I would ever have, you have become my best friend too in a short time. I feel I can tell you anything.
I want to ask you something tonight when we get back to school. It is important.
Love,
Shizune
I put the note down and look out the window. I inspire Shizune. I glance at the clock, damn! I have to hurry if I am going to shower and get dress in time.
[You’re late.] Shizune stares at me with disapproval.
[I would have been here soon if someone to didn’t leave me a note that caused me to think about life and love.] I grin at her. [Where is Misha?]
[She is waiting for us at the gate. I thought we head into town for breakfast. The Shanghai has the best food.]
She grabs my hand and we head to the gate. My thoughts turn to what is going to happen. When I see the gates, I remember the conversion I had with my parents here.
“I know you don’t want to be here, but your mother and I couldn’t bear it if anything happens to you.” My father hugs me, something he very rarely did. “I love you Hisao. You are a strong young man. I know this because it took this long for your heart to give trouble. You will overcome this and have long life. I don’t want lose you, son.”
There were tears in his eye when he spoke to me. It was the first time I ever saw my father afraid of anything. My mother was worried. She was scared for a different reason.
“You won’t be alone here, dear. I am sure you will make friends.” She was afraid of me being lonely. “We know that this is a very nice school. We hope that you can adjust to it. You never know, you might find that special someone.” She hugged me and stokes my hair while she continues, “I love you dear. We come anytime you need us.”
“You better head to class. We will put your clothes up in your room. Good luck, call us tonight.”
That was the last time we talked in person. I called them that night and told them about my first day. They laughed about Shizune and Misha antics. I think they would have to liked them very much, especially Shizune. I feel a tug on my hand.
“Are you okay Hicchan?” Misha is standing there. It is the first time I ever seen Misha dress in something other than a school uniform. She is dress light pink satin top and a black skirt.
“I am fine…just…remembering the last time I was standing here with my parents.” The mood changes to a somber quiet. I need to stop this. My parents wouldn’t want me to be like this, “They would have liked you two. After my first day here, I called them and told them about you two. They said they would like meet the two that gave me the grand tour.”
We start heading into town. We walk in silence for a way. Of course, Misha broke the mood.
“What did you tell them about us?”
I smile, “I told them I have two admires that just wanted me for my mind.”
Shizune look at me and rolled her eyes, [I am sure that is what you said them.]
I smile at her, “I told them two cute girls tried to wrangle me into join the Student Council. My mother wanted to know which one I thought was cuter, but my father wanted me to join.”
“Really Hicchan, Which one of us did you say was cuter?”
“I didn’t,” I whisper, “I told them both to mind their own business. I was angry with them. I didn’t want to come here at first. I felt they force me to leave all my friends, which didn’t make sense. My friends had left me a long time before I came here. I was scared of…being different…being disable.” I take a deep breath. “It was the last time I spoke to them. I didn’t tell them I love them. I just accused them of ruining my life. I wish…” I feel the lump in my throat.
We stop walking. Misha and Shizune both turn to look at me.
[They knew you love them. I am sure they understood that you were scared because everything you went through before you came to us.]
“Shizune is right Hicchan. Your parents just wanted you to be okay. They wanted you give a chance to have a life,” Well, that was deep. Who would think Mish would have such deep thought.
“You are right. I know that now…just now I realize how much gave up for me to be here. I am lucky that I came here and found you two. I want to thank you before for being with me today.” We all hug and head to Shanghai.
“Yo! Hey Shizune, Misha, are you going to introduce me to your friend,” a blonde woman shouts as she enters the Shanghai. I could only tell that it is woman by her voice because she is dress in a pinstriped suit. She has a smile on her face look at us.
[This is Akira, my cousin. She is Lilly’s sister and works at her father’s company. She flamboyant and boisterous compare to Lily’s quiet nature. I think she takes after her Scottish side of her family tree.]
“I am Hisao. Nice to meet you Akira,” we shake hands.
“Don’t let Shizune fool you. I am far more boisterous than she has told you,” she laughs. “However, I know when to let my Scottish out and when to keep in check.” She takes a sympathetic look, “Are you ready Hisao?”
While I am thankful for her not going with the typical sympathy greeting that I have come to dread when people meet me, I still hope that I won’t have to see that expression on anyone else today. “No, but I need to do this. Thank you for driving us.”
We drive the two hours to my home just outside of Sendai. I start remembering my life there with my friends, my parents, and my wandering of the city at night. I never could imagine living anywhere else, but Yamaku has shown me that I prefer the quiet life the country offers. As we get closer to my home, I start see stores and restaurants that I used to go to when I live here. I feel like that I am entering a different world; I am a different person than the one that lived here a few months ago. We pull up to a modest traditional home. Akira parks the car in the driveway as I stare at the front door.
“Well, we are here. Do you want for us to wait here?” Akira looks at me with an encouraging smile.
“…I...I would like to go in by myself for a few minutes…” I feel my voice tremble.
“Hicchan, it will be okay. We are here for you,” Misha says gently.
[You can do this, Hisao. We will come in a couple of minutes. Here, take these with you. They will help] She hands me juzu.
I give her a sad smile and head to the door. I unlock it and stand at the door. I reach out to hold onto the doorframe. It has been over a month…the smell of home hits me. I can smell the tobacco my father use to smoke. A faint saint of my mother’s perfume tickles my memory.
“Hisao, Come and eat.”
“One moment Mom, I almost done with my report,” I have been working on this report for school for the last week. I finish with the last of the footnotes and head down stairs in hurry. Mom made my favorite tonight her Zoni. The smell has driven to finish since she got home from work.
“You better hurry. I am about to start without you,” my father teases me.
“Akiyoshi, stop teasing him, I remember you sitting at your desk last week working that report for work and being the same way,” that is my mom. Always cheering me on when my father tries to get the best of me.
I enter the dining room. My vision blurs as the memory slips from my mind. How many dinners did we have here that I have forgotten? How many times did my mom make Zoni for me? I walk into my father’s small office where there is a chess set still out.
“It is your move, Hisao,” my father has been teaching how to play for a month now. I am starting to see the patterns and guess his moves, but I know I am about to lose. His Queen and Rook are working together to put me in checkmate. I have just a pawn left for defense that I have been working to his side to get my queen back. I am hoping to get my stalemate when I move my pawn from C5 to C6. His queen takes my pawn and the game is over in two moves after that.
“I don’t I will ever beat you at chess dad. “ I am disappointed. I was going for a stalemate and still can’t even do that.
“Don’t be discouraged. You are getting better predicting my moves, but you need to be a little more aggressive. Chess is like life, son, sometimes you have to risk losing to win,” my father give me an encouraging smile, “If you must know the truth, you are learning faster than me. When your grandfather taught me, it took me months to get to the level of play you are showing. I know you have a logical mind, but you tend to be unobservant sometimes.”
I grab the black king from the chess set. My father always played black to allow me to have the first move when teaching me to play. I have forgotten how he used to encourage me to learn. I feel a touch on my shoulder. Shizune and Misha are there looking at me. I notice my face is wet from tears that have been falling. I smile at them.
“Hi. Can you help put this up? I would like to take it with me.”
We collect the chess set and some books that my father wanted me to read, but I always found other things to do. We head by the shrine in the living room. Pictures of my parents are there with lit candles.
“Did you light the candles?”
[Misha and I wanted to pay our respects to your parents. I lit one for your father.]
“I lit the one for your mother. They were a handsome couple Hisao. You look like your father, but you have your mothers eyes…I mean…I...sorry Hicchan…I...” Misha starts to cry.
“Misha, it is okay,” I hug her, “I know what you meant and thank you.”
After Misha emotions calm down, I turn back to the picture and bow. “Mother, Father these are my friends Misha and Shizune. They have helped me since you have gone. You would like them. Misha is full of life and makes me laugh. She reminds me not to take myself too seriously and to enjoy life. This Shizune, you would love her as much as I do. She is strong will like you dad, but she has heart of love like mom. They are my best friends even if they try to wrangle me into the Student Council every chance they get.”
I hear Shizune huff, “That’s not true Hicchan! We don’t “wrangle” anyone!”
I grin at them and continue, “Mom, you were right. I did find someone special at Yamaku. This is Shizune. I love her with all my heart. I wish you could have met her mom. I wish you could have met them both. I wish…” I cry for the last time. My tears aren’t for the loss of my parents but for Misha and Shizune. “I think you both would have like my parents. I am sorry that you never get the chance to meet them.”
[We have met them Hisao. You are the best of them.]
“Shicchan is right. You are the best of them. We love you and them.” I take out the juzu as Misha start chatting. “Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum…”
My parents were Buddhist. They would love the fact my friends are trying to comfort me in the traditional way. I start moving the juzu in time with Misha’s chant. I look at Shizune who just gives me a smile.
[It is time for you to forgive yourself. Don’t let the memory of your parents be tainted with guilt your feel about their death. They want you to be able to live your life.]
I look back at their pictures. Misha’s chanting is calming me. Shizune words give me strength for this last step.
“I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I am sorry for my part in your death. Forgive me, please.”
“I am sure they do” a voice speaks which causes us to jump.
We turn to see Akira came with Mr. Kobayashi. ”He said he was a friend of the family. Do you know who this is Hisao?”
“He is an old friend of my parents Hisao Kobayashi. Please, join us…both of you.”
“Thank you, Hisao. I just want to see how you are doing. You seem better since the last time we met.”
“You can thank these two for that. Shizune and Misha have been giving me reason to stop punishing myself for my parents’ death.”
He bows in respect to them, “You have my thanks. I am also here to give you this,” he hands me a checkbook; “This is your bank account. I am sure you have more than enough money to get you through this school year in the account. I see you found some items to take back with you.”
“Yes, I am taking a few items. What do you plan do with the rest of my parents’ belongings?”
“I will them put in storage for right now. I will pay to have your house clean and maintained while you at school. Don’t worry; I will make sure everything is return when you are ready.”
I turn to look at my parents’ picture for the last time. I made sure to grab the photo albums from my parents’ bedroom, but I want to remember the shine. “All I ask is the shrine stays.”
“Of course, Hisao, I will make sure it is properly maintained. There is one last thing before you go. I didn’t think you were ready before when we first met, but I can see that you are now. I was talking to your parents when the accident happened. I want to tell you their last words. They said they were proud to have a son like you. That would give anything for you to be happy.” He looks knowing at Shizune. “I am told that you love with this girl.”
“I love Shizune.”
Shizune looks challenging at Mr. Kobayashi. [Is that a problem?]
[No, I just wanted you to know that I will be very upset if you hurt him. He is my namesake after all.] He grins at her and leaves.
[I am sure he was just joking.] A assure her after looking at the expression on her face.
I take one last look around before leaving. “I love you mom. I love you dad. Good-bye.”
Shizune is standing at the door waiting for me. [Are you going to be okay?]
[Eventually, yes. Until then, I am going to try to keep moving forward. Do you want to play a game of chess when we get back to school?]
She smiles at me, [I would like that, but I want something first.]
She steps closer to me and wraps her arms around me. Her lips softly touch mine as we embrace each other. I remember the first time we “talked” how driven she was and how aggressive she tried to get me to join the Student Council. She has changed just as much as I have. Shizune will always be aggressive, but she appears to be more open. I see Misha looking at us. She smiles sadly. I can’t help feel something is wrong. Shizune and I get back in the car. On the way back, I can’t help think about the way Misha look at Shizune and I.
__________________________________________________________
Last edited by publicfigure on Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:20 am, edited 2 times in total.
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Update 9/3/12)
Change of Perception
As we drove back to Yakamu, I couldn’t stop staring at Hisao and wonder how we got to this place. I never consider myself the type to fall in love this deeply before with anyone. Hisao is different. He sometimes acts like a lost puppy wanting to be held, but he has shown such strength that I am envious of him. I still think of the time he enter our class.
[Shicchan, he is cute don't you think?] Misha signs under the desk.
[Maybe, if he doesn't wet himself while standing in front of the class. What is he saying?]
[His name is Hisao Nakai. He is mumbling something. Mutou is telling to take a seat next to us.]
[Talk to him and find out if he has explore the school grounds. We will give him a tour if he hasn’t done any exploring. I will think of a way to get him to join the Student Council.]
This boy confounded me. He looks ashamed to be here, but there is something about him. I am not the sort to believe in that whole love at first sight thing, unlike Misha who reads those silly shojo magna. Boy meets girl, fall in love, and live happy ever after, that is completely unrealistic.
[He said he would like a tour, Shicchan. He has a nice voice.]
I smile at the thought of him joining us for lunch. He seems someone that I can deceive into join our Student Council. We could use the help with the festival coming up this weekend. With everyone abandoning the Student Council last year, Misha and I had to do all the work. It doesn’t allow me anytime for relaxation. I have to admit that I would just find some other project to take on to fill my free time.
I smile at the memory of that first day. Hisao was wrapping me around his little finger with his innocent smiles and desperate looks. I remember how mad I was when he sided with Lilly in our argument. [How dare he tell me he has done his share? He has no concept of what it takes to put this festival together!]
[Shicchan, he is new. He hasn’t been here long enough to understand our situation.]
[Stop it Misha! You make excuses for everyone! He is lazy! I can’t believe that I wanted him to be part of my] I stop signing. What did I really want from Hisao? I don't want him to be like Misha. I love Misha like a sister, and we even got past her confessing to me. The time playing Risk with him and the lunches were the most fun I had in a long time. I feel Misha touching my arm.
[Shicchan, do you want to look for him during the festival? Do you want to give him some space for now?] Trust Misha to wake me up.
[That is a great idea Misha! When we find him at the festival, we will show him the best time he will never want to look at anyone else!]
[Shicchan, do you have feelings for him?] Shocked by Misha suggestion, I am not interested in a lazy boy that sides with the Student Representative.
[No!] I sign as fiercely as I can. [I just don’t him to be shut away with Lilly and Hanako. He won’t learn the value of hard work that way. I can’t do my job if he always with her, I mean them.] Everyone loves Lilly’s motherly nature, but that doesn’t work in the real world. I am not willing to let Hisao fall into that trap.
[I am sure he will be alone on the festival. I heard from Miki that he hasn’t been to Lilly’s tearoom in a while. He had a lunch with Emi and Rin, but that was only once. He hasn’t even kept running with Emi. I think he spends his time alone in his dorm room reading or hanging out with dorm mate Kenji. I think he is gay.]
I laugh at her conclusion of Hisao’s sexuality. [I am sure he isn’t gay. He was looking at our breast too much to be gay. He also stare at some of the other girls when they are walking by, I am sure he isn’t gay. He is just lazy.]
Misha is laughing. I always like watching her laugh because I can feel it. [You do like him, don’t you?]
[I like how he looks when he playing a game. He has the drive to be something great, just like you do if you study a little more. We will hunt him down during the festival.]
We look for him everywhere during the festival. I finally decided to give up and head to the roof to watch the fireworks when he fell out of the tree. There was so much blood. I couldn’t feel his heartbeat. I sent Misha running for the nurse while I stay there with him while someone performs CPR on him. I thought I could feel him slipping away from me.
“Don’t go. Please stay,” I spoke those words into his ear. I hope it was softly. I felt like he was watching me. The Nurse arrived taking over giving him CPR until the rest of the medical staff arrived with the first aid kits and stretcher. I start to cry. When he open his eyes, he looks right at me. I saw his lips move. He said my name. I never felt relieved and so angry at the same time. I visited him every day with Misha.
[They say they are keeping him in a coma. Shicchan, I overheard something that you should know. His parents were in an accident. I think they died.] I look at Misha and then at Hisao. I remember how I felt when my mother past away, Lilly helped me get through that. Lilly, I remember how she used to hold me while I cry. Her parents left for Scotland and used to visit use every weekend to be close to family. We become almost like sisters. After what has happen to Hisao, I need to fix my relationship with her.
[Misha, will you go get my textbooks and the paper work from the Student Council room? I think we will start working here for now. He is going to need all the help he can get once he wakes up.] I will not lose another person. I will help him get through this no matter what it takes.
Mutou announced that Hisao has come out of the coma; I was overjoyed with the news. He also said that the Nurse had order no visitors for the next week. I was ready to march to his office to give him a piece of my mind when I felt Misha pull me down to my desk.
[Shicchan, where are you going?]
[I am going to tell that Nurse that he can’t keep me from seeing him. As the Student Council President, it is my responsibility to make sure that all students are well taking care of and been given the necessary help to complete their work for class.]
[Shizune]Misha only does that when I get out of control. It always shocks me back to reality. [He is in the school’s hospital and the Nurse is there. He wouldn’t allow anything to happen to him. He won’t be up for schoolwork for a while yet anyways.]
She is right. I hate it when Misha is right. [Thank you Misha, I loss control for a second there, but I will go gather his homework and textbooks. He will need them to catch up if he wants to graduate with us this year.]
I remember walking into his room with his work. I was taking back by the look on his face. I remember seeing that face once before on my father when mom past away. It was worst on Hisao. He looks like he wanted to die. I offer to help him, but he lies to me. I push him to accept my help. He yells at me. I am use to people yelling at me, my father does it all the time, but not like this. I was frightened that I lost him. Then I get piss, how dare he yell at me, after all that time visiting him. Sure, he was asleep the whole time, but still I was there for him. If he won’t accept my help voluntarily, I will ram it down his throat!
I swallow my pride and talk to Lilly in her tearoom during school, [I am asking for your help. Hisao needs tutors and people to help him get stronger to finish school.]
Lilly listens to Misha’s translation, “I heard that you have spent a lot of time at the hospital. I will help Hisao. I am sure Hanako will help too. Her best subject is Japanese History. I don’t think either one of us can help make him stronger, but we can help with his studies. Why are you doing this?”
I just stand there. [Because it is the right thing to do, I remember someone doing the same for me when I lost my mother. I would have been lost with her.] I start to blush. I lift my head proudly to dare it to go further. [I want to the same for Hisao. I know he will be better off with if we help him rather than the typical student teachers. He needs friends. He needs to know people still care about him.]
Lilly doesn’t say anything for a minute, “Emi was going to run with him in the mornings. You may want to talk to her. I know we haven’t gotten a long this past few years, but I just want to say I am proud of you cousin.”
We leave the tearoom shortly after that and start to look for Emi. [Shicchan, that was unexpected of her.]
[Lilly always wants to help. It is her nature to drop everything to help a lost person. She is going to make an outstanding teacher one day.]
[That not what I meant and you know it.]
[I don’t want to talk about it. We need to find Emi and go to the Nurse to make him see reason.]
As luck would have it, Emi was in the Nurse’s office. I lay out my plan of taking over the care of Hisao’s tutoring and psychical well-being. [I feel if the students can show Hisao that people here care about him, he will recover faster.]
“That is great idea,” Emi was excited to help; “I want to help too. I will have Hisao in peak condition in no time.”
“Let’s just hold up for second,” Nurse interjects, “Ms. Hakamichi you want me to approve a plan where students take over the well-being of a patient? A patient, I must add, that is going through the loss of his parents?” He looks at me with a quizzical expression.
[Yes, I believe it will be for the best. Please call me Shizune]
“Ms. Hakamichi,” I guess he doesn’t believe in first names, “I feel the need to explain something to you. You have been known to show a…overly aggressive and competitive attitude. That won’t work here. Hisao didn’t react well to being push the last time you try that with him. If you take that stance in is current mental state, I think you will do more harm than good.” I glare at him. “If I agree to this idea of yours, you must follow my instructions to the letter. You will go at Hisao’s pace. This is one thing you can’t control or win. We are talking about a young man that is angry and feeling guilty. He needs to find his own way in his own time. Understand?”
“Shizune, he is right. Trust me. If you push too hard, Hisao will just push back harder. I know from personal experience,” this is the first time Emi look serious.
[What do you suggest then Nurse?]
He looks up and thinks for a minute, “Allow me to do the talking. Hisao may feel more comfortable with me since I haven’t tried to talk about his feelings. It would be a good idea if everyone were there to show him that people still care about him. From what his parents told me, his last friends stop visiting him the last time he was in the hospital. We must change his perception that has happen again. We must allow him to work his problems out at his pace. I think he is close to letting his emotions out. We must be ready to support him when that happens.”
[I understand. Misha, will you please go get Lilly and Hanako? See if they can come here first and let the Nurse explain to them what we are doing. I also want you to teach Hisao sign language. If he wants to yell at me again, I want to understand his insults.] I grin.
“That will be fun, Shicchan! WAHAHA~” I can see the Nurse wince.
“Before you go Ms. Mikado,” he reaches into a file cabinet, “you will agree to wear this. If you don’t, you won’t be allowed on the floor.” He has a…collar.
“What is it that!” Misha looks worried.
“It is a behavior learning collar for dogs,” the Nurse grins, “People use it to teach their dogs not to bark at certain times of the day. It gives a small shock when it a loud noise is close to its receiver.”
“I am not going to wear that! I am not going to be shocked! I am not a dog!”
[Misha, please, I really need your help with this. If wearing that collar means that you will be there with me, please wear it.] I feel bad asking her to wear it, but I really do need her help. I am also hoping that Misha will get some help in the classes she needs. She wants to teach sign language, but her grades aren’t high enough to get her into the school she wants.
“Shicchan…Alright, I will wear it, but only at the hospital.”
“I wouldn’t want you to wear it all the time anyways, that would be cruel,” the Nurse grins as Misha huffs and leaves. Once he is sure that Misha is out of range of hearing his voice, “It doesn’t really shock anything; it just makes a small zzzttt noise that scares a dog to think it was shocked. I figure it would do same with Ms. Mikado.” He signs to me and everyone grins.
I can’t believe how well my plan worked. Hisao is on track to graduate this year and getting stronger. I look at him again; he has that loss expression he wore when I first saw him after he woke up. I reach out and touch his face. I never thought touching someone would give me a wonderful sensation. As much I have helped Hisao, he helped me to discover I can’t control everything. I love him and can’t control that feeling. This wonderful man has changed me. He smiles at me and comes back to me. I give him a small kiss.
I look up and see Misha looking at me. She has tears in eyes. I know she loves me in a way I can’t return. I thought we were past her confessing to me. I never wanted to hurt her. I can’t stand the fact me being with Hisao causes her pain. I can’t help the way I feel about him anymore, but I don’t want to lose my best friend either. I am sure we can work this out. I just need to talk to her and assure her that we are still friends. I love her, but I can never love her the way she wants me too.
As we drove back to Yakamu, I couldn’t stop staring at Hisao and wonder how we got to this place. I never consider myself the type to fall in love this deeply before with anyone. Hisao is different. He sometimes acts like a lost puppy wanting to be held, but he has shown such strength that I am envious of him. I still think of the time he enter our class.
[Shicchan, he is cute don't you think?] Misha signs under the desk.
[Maybe, if he doesn't wet himself while standing in front of the class. What is he saying?]
[His name is Hisao Nakai. He is mumbling something. Mutou is telling to take a seat next to us.]
[Talk to him and find out if he has explore the school grounds. We will give him a tour if he hasn’t done any exploring. I will think of a way to get him to join the Student Council.]
This boy confounded me. He looks ashamed to be here, but there is something about him. I am not the sort to believe in that whole love at first sight thing, unlike Misha who reads those silly shojo magna. Boy meets girl, fall in love, and live happy ever after, that is completely unrealistic.
[He said he would like a tour, Shicchan. He has a nice voice.]
I smile at the thought of him joining us for lunch. He seems someone that I can deceive into join our Student Council. We could use the help with the festival coming up this weekend. With everyone abandoning the Student Council last year, Misha and I had to do all the work. It doesn’t allow me anytime for relaxation. I have to admit that I would just find some other project to take on to fill my free time.
I smile at the memory of that first day. Hisao was wrapping me around his little finger with his innocent smiles and desperate looks. I remember how mad I was when he sided with Lilly in our argument. [How dare he tell me he has done his share? He has no concept of what it takes to put this festival together!]
[Shicchan, he is new. He hasn’t been here long enough to understand our situation.]
[Stop it Misha! You make excuses for everyone! He is lazy! I can’t believe that I wanted him to be part of my] I stop signing. What did I really want from Hisao? I don't want him to be like Misha. I love Misha like a sister, and we even got past her confessing to me. The time playing Risk with him and the lunches were the most fun I had in a long time. I feel Misha touching my arm.
[Shicchan, do you want to look for him during the festival? Do you want to give him some space for now?] Trust Misha to wake me up.
[That is a great idea Misha! When we find him at the festival, we will show him the best time he will never want to look at anyone else!]
[Shicchan, do you have feelings for him?] Shocked by Misha suggestion, I am not interested in a lazy boy that sides with the Student Representative.
[No!] I sign as fiercely as I can. [I just don’t him to be shut away with Lilly and Hanako. He won’t learn the value of hard work that way. I can’t do my job if he always with her, I mean them.] Everyone loves Lilly’s motherly nature, but that doesn’t work in the real world. I am not willing to let Hisao fall into that trap.
[I am sure he will be alone on the festival. I heard from Miki that he hasn’t been to Lilly’s tearoom in a while. He had a lunch with Emi and Rin, but that was only once. He hasn’t even kept running with Emi. I think he spends his time alone in his dorm room reading or hanging out with dorm mate Kenji. I think he is gay.]
I laugh at her conclusion of Hisao’s sexuality. [I am sure he isn’t gay. He was looking at our breast too much to be gay. He also stare at some of the other girls when they are walking by, I am sure he isn’t gay. He is just lazy.]
Misha is laughing. I always like watching her laugh because I can feel it. [You do like him, don’t you?]
[I like how he looks when he playing a game. He has the drive to be something great, just like you do if you study a little more. We will hunt him down during the festival.]
We look for him everywhere during the festival. I finally decided to give up and head to the roof to watch the fireworks when he fell out of the tree. There was so much blood. I couldn’t feel his heartbeat. I sent Misha running for the nurse while I stay there with him while someone performs CPR on him. I thought I could feel him slipping away from me.
“Don’t go. Please stay,” I spoke those words into his ear. I hope it was softly. I felt like he was watching me. The Nurse arrived taking over giving him CPR until the rest of the medical staff arrived with the first aid kits and stretcher. I start to cry. When he open his eyes, he looks right at me. I saw his lips move. He said my name. I never felt relieved and so angry at the same time. I visited him every day with Misha.
[They say they are keeping him in a coma. Shicchan, I overheard something that you should know. His parents were in an accident. I think they died.] I look at Misha and then at Hisao. I remember how I felt when my mother past away, Lilly helped me get through that. Lilly, I remember how she used to hold me while I cry. Her parents left for Scotland and used to visit use every weekend to be close to family. We become almost like sisters. After what has happen to Hisao, I need to fix my relationship with her.
[Misha, will you go get my textbooks and the paper work from the Student Council room? I think we will start working here for now. He is going to need all the help he can get once he wakes up.] I will not lose another person. I will help him get through this no matter what it takes.
Mutou announced that Hisao has come out of the coma; I was overjoyed with the news. He also said that the Nurse had order no visitors for the next week. I was ready to march to his office to give him a piece of my mind when I felt Misha pull me down to my desk.
[Shicchan, where are you going?]
[I am going to tell that Nurse that he can’t keep me from seeing him. As the Student Council President, it is my responsibility to make sure that all students are well taking care of and been given the necessary help to complete their work for class.]
[Shizune]Misha only does that when I get out of control. It always shocks me back to reality. [He is in the school’s hospital and the Nurse is there. He wouldn’t allow anything to happen to him. He won’t be up for schoolwork for a while yet anyways.]
She is right. I hate it when Misha is right. [Thank you Misha, I loss control for a second there, but I will go gather his homework and textbooks. He will need them to catch up if he wants to graduate with us this year.]
I remember walking into his room with his work. I was taking back by the look on his face. I remember seeing that face once before on my father when mom past away. It was worst on Hisao. He looks like he wanted to die. I offer to help him, but he lies to me. I push him to accept my help. He yells at me. I am use to people yelling at me, my father does it all the time, but not like this. I was frightened that I lost him. Then I get piss, how dare he yell at me, after all that time visiting him. Sure, he was asleep the whole time, but still I was there for him. If he won’t accept my help voluntarily, I will ram it down his throat!
I swallow my pride and talk to Lilly in her tearoom during school, [I am asking for your help. Hisao needs tutors and people to help him get stronger to finish school.]
Lilly listens to Misha’s translation, “I heard that you have spent a lot of time at the hospital. I will help Hisao. I am sure Hanako will help too. Her best subject is Japanese History. I don’t think either one of us can help make him stronger, but we can help with his studies. Why are you doing this?”
I just stand there. [Because it is the right thing to do, I remember someone doing the same for me when I lost my mother. I would have been lost with her.] I start to blush. I lift my head proudly to dare it to go further. [I want to the same for Hisao. I know he will be better off with if we help him rather than the typical student teachers. He needs friends. He needs to know people still care about him.]
Lilly doesn’t say anything for a minute, “Emi was going to run with him in the mornings. You may want to talk to her. I know we haven’t gotten a long this past few years, but I just want to say I am proud of you cousin.”
We leave the tearoom shortly after that and start to look for Emi. [Shicchan, that was unexpected of her.]
[Lilly always wants to help. It is her nature to drop everything to help a lost person. She is going to make an outstanding teacher one day.]
[That not what I meant and you know it.]
[I don’t want to talk about it. We need to find Emi and go to the Nurse to make him see reason.]
As luck would have it, Emi was in the Nurse’s office. I lay out my plan of taking over the care of Hisao’s tutoring and psychical well-being. [I feel if the students can show Hisao that people here care about him, he will recover faster.]
“That is great idea,” Emi was excited to help; “I want to help too. I will have Hisao in peak condition in no time.”
“Let’s just hold up for second,” Nurse interjects, “Ms. Hakamichi you want me to approve a plan where students take over the well-being of a patient? A patient, I must add, that is going through the loss of his parents?” He looks at me with a quizzical expression.
[Yes, I believe it will be for the best. Please call me Shizune]
“Ms. Hakamichi,” I guess he doesn’t believe in first names, “I feel the need to explain something to you. You have been known to show a…overly aggressive and competitive attitude. That won’t work here. Hisao didn’t react well to being push the last time you try that with him. If you take that stance in is current mental state, I think you will do more harm than good.” I glare at him. “If I agree to this idea of yours, you must follow my instructions to the letter. You will go at Hisao’s pace. This is one thing you can’t control or win. We are talking about a young man that is angry and feeling guilty. He needs to find his own way in his own time. Understand?”
“Shizune, he is right. Trust me. If you push too hard, Hisao will just push back harder. I know from personal experience,” this is the first time Emi look serious.
[What do you suggest then Nurse?]
He looks up and thinks for a minute, “Allow me to do the talking. Hisao may feel more comfortable with me since I haven’t tried to talk about his feelings. It would be a good idea if everyone were there to show him that people still care about him. From what his parents told me, his last friends stop visiting him the last time he was in the hospital. We must change his perception that has happen again. We must allow him to work his problems out at his pace. I think he is close to letting his emotions out. We must be ready to support him when that happens.”
[I understand. Misha, will you please go get Lilly and Hanako? See if they can come here first and let the Nurse explain to them what we are doing. I also want you to teach Hisao sign language. If he wants to yell at me again, I want to understand his insults.] I grin.
“That will be fun, Shicchan! WAHAHA~” I can see the Nurse wince.
“Before you go Ms. Mikado,” he reaches into a file cabinet, “you will agree to wear this. If you don’t, you won’t be allowed on the floor.” He has a…collar.
“What is it that!” Misha looks worried.
“It is a behavior learning collar for dogs,” the Nurse grins, “People use it to teach their dogs not to bark at certain times of the day. It gives a small shock when it a loud noise is close to its receiver.”
“I am not going to wear that! I am not going to be shocked! I am not a dog!”
[Misha, please, I really need your help with this. If wearing that collar means that you will be there with me, please wear it.] I feel bad asking her to wear it, but I really do need her help. I am also hoping that Misha will get some help in the classes she needs. She wants to teach sign language, but her grades aren’t high enough to get her into the school she wants.
“Shicchan…Alright, I will wear it, but only at the hospital.”
“I wouldn’t want you to wear it all the time anyways, that would be cruel,” the Nurse grins as Misha huffs and leaves. Once he is sure that Misha is out of range of hearing his voice, “It doesn’t really shock anything; it just makes a small zzzttt noise that scares a dog to think it was shocked. I figure it would do same with Ms. Mikado.” He signs to me and everyone grins.
I can’t believe how well my plan worked. Hisao is on track to graduate this year and getting stronger. I look at him again; he has that loss expression he wore when I first saw him after he woke up. I reach out and touch his face. I never thought touching someone would give me a wonderful sensation. As much I have helped Hisao, he helped me to discover I can’t control everything. I love him and can’t control that feeling. This wonderful man has changed me. He smiles at me and comes back to me. I give him a small kiss.
I look up and see Misha looking at me. She has tears in eyes. I know she loves me in a way I can’t return. I thought we were past her confessing to me. I never wanted to hurt her. I can’t stand the fact me being with Hisao causes her pain. I can’t help the way I feel about him anymore, but I don’t want to lose my best friend either. I am sure we can work this out. I just need to talk to her and assure her that we are still friends. I love her, but I can never love her the way she wants me too.
Last edited by publicfigure on Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6213
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
I was a bit confused, because it seems you have rewritten about half of the story so far...
For the most part, I like the changes. There are some fresh ideas, and you actually made me LIKE Shizune - that's something not many authors have managed to do
Some of the dialogue sounds a bit stilted, but only practice can improve that. There are also a number of mixed up tenses and other grammar issues (especially in the latest chapter!). I suggest getting a proofreader.
A few more things I noticed:
For the most part, I like the changes. There are some fresh ideas, and you actually made me LIKE Shizune - that's something not many authors have managed to do
Some of the dialogue sounds a bit stilted, but only practice can improve that. There are also a number of mixed up tenses and other grammar issues (especially in the latest chapter!). I suggest getting a proofreader.
A few more things I noticed:
I think you mean "decisive"I see how incisive she signs.
lightI feel a lite touch on my hand.
Chanting?I take out the juzu as Misha start chatting.
That goes to show you shouldn't be on the phone while driving...I was talking to your parents when the accident happened.
Actually he is Hisao's namesake... Or not... It seems usage of the term is different in the US... I learned something new today.[...He is my namesake after all.]
Typo there...As we drive back to Yakamu...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
I will fix that.Mirage_GSM wrote:I was a bit confused, because it seems you have rewritten about half of the story so far...
For the most part, I like the changes. There are some fresh ideas, and you actually made me LIKE Shizune - that's something not many authors have managed to do
Some of the dialogue sounds a bit stilted, but only practice can improve that. There are also a number of mixed up tenses and other grammar issues (especially in the latest chapter!). I suggest getting a proofreader.
A few more things I noticed:I think you mean "decisive".I see how incisive she signs.
I am wasn't sure of which one to use in that sentence I went with incisive because technically Shizune is "talking". That word, I feel, conveys the right emotion..lightI feel a lite touch on my hand.
Missed that, thanks.
Chanting?I take out the juzu as Misha start chatting.
Chatting or chanting, it is all the same were Misha is concern. I will fix that.
That goes to show you shouldn't be on the phone while driving...I was talking to your parents when the accident happened.
Both Hisao's parents were in the car. Plus, majority of cellphones have speaker phone.Actually he is Hisao's namesake... Or not... It seems usage of the term is different in the US... I learned something new today.[...He is my namesake after all.]
I actually ask people about that; I got two different answers. I just went itTypo there...As we drive back to Yakamu...
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
About the word "namesake", depending the relation of the people involve, it defines how it is used.
I am my son's namesake. (Family)
He is my namesake.(Friends or anything other than family)
I am my son's namesake. (Family)
He is my namesake.(Friends or anything other than family)
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6213
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
Apparently there is an alternate meaning for the word "incisive"... I've never seen it used before, though.I am wasn't sure of which one to use in that sentence I went with incisive because technically Shizune is "talking". That word, I feel, conveys the right emotion..I think you mean "decisive".I see how incisive she signs.
And when I read about someone gesturing incisively, my first thought is to get some bandages to stem the blood-flow, so at the very least this use of the word is confusing to your readers.
About the namesake: Like I said, the word is used differently in different parts of the world.
As I knew it, you are the namesake of someone if they are named after you.
In the US it's apparently the other way around - the one who is named after another person is that person's namesake.
Still others use the word namesake for both people who share the same name.
With that much confusion it doesn't really matter which way you use it, and you need not even be consistent about it
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
About the tense in the last chapter, I just noticed it. My only excuse for it is because I am jumping around in time, Shizune's memories. I confuse myself with it.
Re: To Rise Again (Update 9/3/12)
Noticing that this was a revision, I reread from the beginning. You've improved, though as Mirage said you need a proofreader. There are a couple times where it's confusing as to who's talking. Also, you don't need that note about using English; it's obvious from the context.
Try this: 'He seems someone that can be convinced to join our Student Council.'
BTW, I liked Shizune's comment about Hisao taking Lilly's side in the argument. It's the only way in the game to keep Lilly friendly to Hisao.
Never mind all the typos, this word is just plain the wrong one.publicfigure wrote:Change of Perception
He seems someone that I can deceive into join our Student Council.
Try this: 'He seems someone that can be convinced to join our Student Council.'
BTW, I liked Shizune's comment about Hisao taking Lilly's side in the argument. It's the only way in the game to keep Lilly friendly to Hisao.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin
Griffon8's Writing
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6213
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
Actually, saying "I've done my part" is taking Shizune's side, but I can see how she would be offended anyway
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Scissorlips
- Posts: 308
- Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:21 am
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
I can definitely see some improvements in the revisions, and I enjoyed the Shizune chapter, I think it fits her established character pretty well. I would suggest adding a list of chapters to the first post in the thread though, and a note mentioning the things that were revised.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
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OtakuNinja
- Posts: 1477
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- Contact:
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
You made a Lilly Lover cry. 
Congratulations. 
Congratulations. 
Emibro, Hanabro, [Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer
(Passively working on my KS YouTube series. Someday...)
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publicfigure
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:46 pm
Re: To Rise Again (Revised 10-4-12) WIP
Sorry for the lack of updates, life and work have me very busy right now. I am going to continue the story once things calm down. If you can't tell, I am using my phone to post this.