Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 12/4)

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parallelism_magnet
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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 9/23)

Post by parallelism_magnet » Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:31 am

Lily, you just got route-jacked. I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry.

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Daedalus
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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 9/23)

Post by Daedalus » Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:57 am

Hello again!

After having not been here for weeks, I finally have something to update with. Two things, in fact. Now that I have these random pieces out the way I'll actually work on Part 2 of Love Matters. I think we've established by now that I'm not very good at keeping some sort of schedule.

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A Friend in Need


Morning light fills the classroom as I sit in my seat, watching the last of the students arrive. I still find it strange how out of everyone, the last person to get to class is often Mutou himself. The usual chatter bounces around the room, growing louder as time goes on. I stare at the clock. It’s almost been twenty minutes now, that’s a record even by Mutou’s standards. My boredom gives way to a large yawn.

“Wahahaha~! Tired, Hicchan?” Misha’s booming voice assaults my ears.

I grimace slightly, “Yeah, a little. I haven’t really been sleeping well lately. Plus exams are coming up soon, so I’ve been studying as much as I can.”

She turns to Shizune, signing back and forth before spinning back around and facing me, “Aww~ Hicchan, is something wrong? Shicchan says that we need everybody at one hundred per cent for the exams!”

My response is cut off by a certain, dishevelled teacher hurriedly rushing into the room, sputtering apologies for being late. Before rolling right into his lectures, however, Mutou looks over to me.

“Nakai, could you come here for a moment?”

Me? What could he want me for? I stand up, “Err, okay.”

“Hicchan’s in trouble~.” Misha chimes. I shoot her a glare before walking over to Mutou’s desk.

He quickly looks over some papers on his desk before turning his attention to me, “Relax, you’re not in trouble,” He says, cracking an awkward smile, “It’s about your friend Miura.”

“Miki? What about her?”

“She’s had an accident. Tripped and fell whilst running, she sprained her wrist quite badly. The Nurse is still with her.”

If it’s a serious sprain then she might not able to use her good hand for a while.

“The reason I’m telling you about this right now is because Miura won’t be able to write for some time, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. You don’t seem to have any trouble with my classes,” His voice lowers, “Because of this, I was wondering if you might be able to take some notes to give to her and maybe help her out with her studies.” I don’t really understand why he hushes his voice on the second part, weird rumours aren’t going to get spread if people hear about me visiting Miki. Although I don’t think Mutou really understands social interaction.

I take a quick glance behind me and notice a familiar girl with bluish-green hair face down on her desk, sleeping peacefully. But that does explain why I’ve been picked; Suzu, Miki and I are often together whenever possible. So with me being the only member of the trio here and not liable to fall asleep on the way there and forget about it, he picked me.

“Sure.”

“Good,” He clears his throat; “You can sit back down now,” Mutou’s ramblings begin before I’ve even reached my seat.

I sigh. Science waits for no man, apparently.

====================================================================

I make my way through the girl’s dorms. It’s not the first time that I’ve been here, but the stares of the dorm’s inhabitants bore into me as I walk by.

It’s not long before I’m standing outside Miki’s room. Would she be back by now? School’s over, but she might be resting in the Nurse’s office. She could also be asleep in her room. I briefly consider just slipping the notes under her door, but my desire to see how she’s doing shakes that thought from my mind.

I knock on the door hesitantly, unsure as to whether I will get a response.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Hisao. Mutou asked me to give you some notes so you could keep up with class.”

“Door’s open.”

I curse myself for being an idiot for expecting her to answer the door in person. Opening a door without hands would be hard. I then remember that she wouldn’t have been able to pick up the notes if I slid them under the door anyway, and nearly slap myself. I sigh, and let myself into the room.

It’s the first time that I’ve been in Miki’s room. It is…

Exactly how I imagined it would be; various items of clothing lay strewn around the room, posters of various rock bands plastered to the walls.

“Sorry about the mess. I wasn’t expecting company,” My attention is quickly drawn to the dark skinned girl who sits on her bed, leaning against the wall. Her voice lacks any of her usual vigour, her expression downtrodden.

I glance down at her right hand, the majority of it covered in a thick cast that extends up to partway across her forearm, locking her fingers in place. Realising that I’ve been staring without saying anything, I quickly adjust my gaze.

“Ah, umm… here.”

I hold out the paper. She instinctively reaches out with her injured hand, pulling it back as soon as she realises that she can’t grip the sheets. Miki’s expression falls even further.

I apologise and place the notes on the bed in front of her. She spreads the pages out in front of her with careful prods from her restrained fingers. I watch her as she sits cross legged, hunched over slightly as she peers at the information, eyebrows knitted in a mixture of frustration and concentration.

Miki gives a heavy sigh and leans back against the wall and slumps her shoulders, “I don’t think it’s gonna’ help a whole lot.”

I eye her curiously, “What do you mean?”

“Science has never been my strong suit,” she shrugs dismissively, “It might as well be gibberish, I don’t get any of it.”

Miki never has been particularly enthusiastic about academic subjects. Not that I can blame her; a teenager’s natural response to work is trying to avoid it at all costs. I’m no different, but science has always been a subject that I handle with relative ease, and the information is interesting enough.

I guess I am to science what Miki is to sports.

I pick up the two closest sheets of paper and examine them. The first reads: ‘Endothermic and exothermic reactions’ and the other: ‘Intermolecular forces’

My mind quickly wanders to more important subjects.

Seeing Miki like this. It’s so radically different to how she normally is. Her usual bravado and boyish charm is completely gone. I’ve only been at Yamaku for a few months, but I’ve never once seen her like this. I’ve seen Miki upset before, sure, but never this badly.

I think carefully for a moment, a long ‘hmmmmm’ escaping my lips.

I place the paper back down, and set myself down on the bed beside Miki.

“What’re you doing?” She asks.

“You said you don’t get this, right?”

She raises an eyebrow at me, “Right. What about it?”

“I’ll help you get it.”

“Why?” A simple question.

With a simple answer, “Because we’re friends. And friends like to make sure that their friends don’t flunk science.” I don’t really want to leave Miki alone in her current state. To be honest, I don’t think she wants to sit here alone either.

“Just trust me. By the time I’m done with you you’ll be a lean, mean… science… machine…” Smooth. I should never say that again.

She stares at me blankly.

I clear my throat, “Anyway,” picking up the scattered pages, I gesture to the notes in front of me, “So basically, this is…”

====================================================================

“That’s right.”

Miki heaves a sigh of relief, “Thank god for that.”

We’ve spent the past hour or so going over what we covered in class today. I think me staying was a good idea, as Miki seems at least a little better in comparison to how she was when I arrived.

Speaking of which, I notice the dark skinned girl at my side eyeing me peculiarly.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re a strange one, mister Nakai.”

Mister Nakai?

“What do you mean?”

A sly grin creeps on to her face, “You’re alone with a girl in her room and the first thing you think of doing is studying.”

She’s improved enough to start her usual bout of teasing, it seems. Good, this is progress, if only for a while, I can make her feel better.

“Well I don’t see any girls around here, mister Miura.” I counter with a sly grin of my own.

My response is rewarded with a painful jab in the arm. Miki holds her bandaged stump at eye level.

“I can still punch with this arm, you know.”

I wince, rubbing the point of impact, “I know, I know. How could I forget? You’ve punched me with it enough times.”

She purses her lips, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Absolutely nothing.” I return, if I continue she might hit me again.

This sort of back and forth isn’t uncommon between us. Back when I first met Miki, I ended up as the brunt of her jokes. I eventually learned to lighten up a little, and started returning the favour. She’s still a lot better at it then I am, but successfully riling her up is worth whatever she does to me afterwards.

My attention is snapped back to reality as Miki raises both arms above her head in a long, leisurely stretch. I focus all my efforts on staring at the opposite wall to avoid being distracted by her… assets. Her stretching is accompanied by a long yawn.

“I’m tired.” She groans.

A low pitched grumble erupts from her stomach as she finishes.

She looks down at her stomach in surprise, “And hungry.”

After levering herself off the bed, Miki strolls over to the other side of her room and beckons me over.

She gestures towards a large box in the corner, “If you would be so kind,” she raises her cast covered hand, “I’m not really in a position to dig around in there.”

I open the top of the box. The inside is filled to the brim with plastic pots, stacked neatly against one another.

“Instant noodles?” I ask.

Miki responds with a nod, “A staple part of a teenager’s diet,” she pauses for a moment, looking at the containers, “Beef, if you please.” She finishes before sauntering over to the bed and flopping back down on it.

I stand up and perform a half-hearted salute, “Yes, Ma’am.”

My gesture earns me another blank stare from the girl opposite me, “You’re lucky I can’t throw something at you right now.”

I grin at her, “You could always punch me.”

Miki looks down at her bandaged wrist, then back to me, “It’s no fun if you’re expecting it,” She picks herself up off the bed and takes a step towards me, left arm raised threateningly, “But if you really want me to…”

Uh oh.

“Point taken.” I hurry out of the room.

====================================================================

“Question.” I begin, setting the food down on the desk.

The form laying on the bed stirs a little, “What?”

“How are you going to eat?”

She sits up.

“God dammit.”

“Really?”

Miki’s head hangs down, a defeated expression on her face. “I’m pretty useless right now, aren’t I?”

I curse inwardly. She’s getting depressed about it again now? We were making good progress. I need to turn this back around.

“Useless?” I ask.

“Yeah, useless. I don’t really have any hands, Hisao. I can’t eat. I can’t even dress myself.”

I breathe a heavy sigh, “Useless, huh.”

I grab the food and sit down in front of Miki. Her long, dark hair hangs in front of her face, and she’s staring at her sprained wrist. She’s like she was when I first arrived.

“Miki.”

“What?” She asks.

“Open your mouth.” I answer.

Eyebrows furrowed, she glares at me, “What?!”

Suddenly I realise that if I handle this wrong then Miki will most likely kill me. I’ve never seen someone try and murder someone without using their hands before, but she’d probably try.

I shake that thought from my mind. This is the point of no return, Hisao. If you die tonight, you die like a man. That is, running away from a girl who is in significantly better physical condition than you are.

I quickly take a forkful of noodles, “You can’t eat properly, right? You said it yourself.”

She must’ve figured out where I’m going with this because her glare intensifies, so much so that I think I might spontaneously burst in to flames at any moment.

“So I’ll feed you.”

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that Miki hates it when people go out of their way to help or protect her.

She silently brushes the hair out of her face with her left wrist. Leaning forward, she opens her mouth, with her glare still fixed on me. I carefully move the fork into her mouth. She chews slowly, still watching me, like a lion staring at a gazelle.

I think the phrase ‘thin ice’ is applicable here.

“Now, I’d like to explain something to you.” I say, taking another forkful of food.

She raises an eyebrow at me, “You’re not useless.” I bring the fork up to her mouth again.

“So you tripped and busted your wrist. So you can’t use your hand. More importantly, who cares if you’re ‘useless’ or not?”

Miki swallows the mouthful of food, “Huh?”

Another forkful, “Even if you are incapable of feeding or dressing yourself, you don’t need to try and bear with it on your own. You don’t need to let it get to you, either.” Another movement of food to mouth, “I’m not even going to try and put myself in your shoes, because I can’t. However, I do know that it must suck to be in a position like that. But what I’m trying to say is that even if you feel hopeless, you have people that are gonna’ be here for you.”

She gives me a strange look, I silence any objections she might have by feeding her again, “It could be me, or Suzu, or Emi, or any of the other friends you have. Now I know that you don’t like relying on people, but as for that, I’m afraid that you’re just going to have to grin and bear it, because we’re going to help you this time whether you like it or not.”

A silent stare is the only response I get.

“Well if it’s really that painful for you to accept help, then how about this? I’ll let you punch me as hard as you want after your hand recovers.” I finish, smiling at her.

A sudden laughter emanates from the girl in front of me, warm and genuine. “I might just take you up on that offer, Hisao.”

I may or may not have just signed my death warrant.

I finish helping Miki eat, and we make some idle chitchat as we do. I clear up the stuff we used and sit back down.

“My point still stands.” she states, matter-of-factly.

“What do you mean?”

“You really are strange. I don’t get you at all.”

Where’s this coming from?

I chuckle, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

She turns to face me, “You say one thing, and then you do another, and then you come out with these really swee-“

“Ah, one second,” I interrupt her, reaching over to the desk and grabbing a tissue, “Sorry, you’ve got something on your face.”

I rub the tissue against the corner of her mouth, and down her chin.

“I’m not a baby.” She replies angrily.

It’s a surprisingly stubborn mark, I lean in a little closer as I concentrate on getting rid of it.

“I know, but do you really want to wander around with food around your face like that?”

I notice her left arm twitch slightly, and brace myself for another punch. But she doesn’t follow through.

I pull the tissue away, “There. All done.”

It’s at this point I become conscious of how frighteningly close I am to Miki’s face. She regards me with a very strange expression, but makes no attempt to pull away. For some reason, neither do I.

“Hisao…” Miki starts to say something but halts in her tracks.

I can feel her breath against my face, it’s warm, and for an instant I almost consider moving even closer.

And just then, two important things happen at once. Firstly; Suzu stumbles into the room, and secondly; I realise what my desires were urging me to try and do.

“Sorry that I wasn’t here earlier, I’ve only just woken u-“ Suzu stops in her tracks

Miki’s face still hovers centimetres away from mine. Uh oh.

I practically dive away from her and get off of the bed in the same movement. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks already. “Good evening, Suzu.” I manage to choke out.

“Good evening, Hisao… what’re you doing here?” The tired looking girl in front of me asks.

“Uh, I was just… dropping off some notes from class, Mutou asked me to.”

I whirl around to face Miki, she’s paying an intense amount attention to anything in the room that isn’t me, her own face practically glowing red.

“I’ll be going now. See you around.”

“Yeah. See you.” She replies quietly.

I bid goodnight to Suzu and quickly rush out of the room, liable to die from embarrassment at any point. As I reach the chill evening air, I take a deep breath.

She’s going to kill me.
Last edited by Daedalus on Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper. - T.S Eliot, The Hollow Men

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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 9/23)

Post by Daedalus » Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:00 am

This piece was my submission for the KSG weekend fiction competition. I don't really know how I ended up writing something this strange, it just sort of happened. It's short and not at all serious, but I hope it's at least slightly fun to read.

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Two of a Kind


"GOTTA' GO FAST MOTHERFUCKER!" I hear Emi's screaming from the other side of the room. The childlike glee in her voice is unlike any I have ever heard.

A spinfusor round explodes just ahead of me as I ski down the steep hill.

She's behind me again.

How is she so good at this?

"Wahahaha~! Emichan, I'll help you out!" Misha's booming laughter comes next, followed by another explosion. This one very nearly hits me. I launch into the air as quickly as possible to avoid her fire.

I look up from the screen long enough to see Misha pouting at her monitor, “Hold still, Hicchan! Please~?”

I sigh heavily and look back down.

I knew playing the capper was going to end badly. I launch myself over the next few hills and hit the ground moving as fast as I can. Evidently not fast enough, as the world’s most irritating chaser – also known as Emi Ibarazaki – appears at my side, and hits the ground directly underneath me with another spinfusor round.

The explosion sends me into the air and I take a significant amount of damage. I activate my jetpack and try to continue moving as more rounds hurtle past me. As I fly over the next hill I gain sight of the cap point far away into the distance, and breathe a sigh of relief.

Just a little longer.

There’s a minute left on the clock. Butchers are beating us by one point, if I cap this then I can at least get us to draw.

Just… a little... closer…

My assisting teammates are blown away by the hyperactive duo in a storm of explosions and laughter.

Emi and Misha’s teamwork is proving incredibly difficult to overcome. I never could’ve imagined the two coming together like this for anything, really. It’s the first time I’ve seen Misha really click with someone other than Shizune. Maybe I’m witnessing the start of a new bond?

My train of thought is cut short by Misha’s inquisitive voice.

“Hey Hicchan!”

This is the home stretch, I keep moving here and the flag is capped and I’ve saved us all.

“Hicchan!”

“Yes?”

Come on…

“Guess what~!”

Just a little…

I sigh, “What?”

Just then, an Impact Nitron collides with me, sending the flag shooting out of my grasp.

“NONONONONONONONONONO!” I roar.

“Wahahaha~! Cap denied!”

“I got it!” Emi chimes, rushing forward and grabbing the flag before I even have a chance to adjust my course.

God. Dammit.

I release the mouse and keyboard, head hung in defeat. There are fifteen seconds left.

Nobody could make that.

The chaotic pair have already started causing havoc in the sand-raker base. The muffled explosions and resulting anarchy can be heard in the distance, as I stand mere feet away from the flag capture point.

How? How are they so good at this?

I stare at the screen in disbelief as the match ends, informing the entire team that we lost. The usual spamming of the “Shazbot!” and “I am the greatest!” voice commands sound out above the laughter of the two devils that currently inhabit this room with me.

Misha steps out of her seat and walks over to me, “Hicchan! Emichan said that since we’re done playing we should all go to the Shanghai~! And seeing as you lost, you get to pay!”

I stare at her blankly. Have Shizune and Emi switched places?

“You’re so kind,” I comment dryly, standing up and turning to Emi, “I didn’t know that you and Shizune were so much alike when it comes to competitions, Emi.”

She skips over and punches me in the arm, “We’re not alike! This is your punishment for sucking,” The short girl states in a manner of fact tone, “And for playing sand-raker. Traitor.”

“But if you don’t wanna’ help out two cute girls then I understand,” Emi pouts and stares are me with wide puppy-dog eyes.

Oh no.

I spin round to avoid the near-fatal gesture, only to see Misha standing behind me. She quickly adopts the same tactic.

“What’s the matter Hicchan? Don’t you like~ us?” Misha asks in mock sadness as she bats her eyelids.

What sort of deadly teamwork is this?

I slump my shoulders, defeated once again. “Fine; let’s go to the Shanghai.”

“Really? Hicchan, you’re so kind~” The pink haired girl replies, almost jumping for joy.

These two are going to be the death of me.

And my wallet.

====================================================================

It isn’t that long until the three of us enter the lobby of the Shanghai. Yamaku’s librarian come waitress greets us in her usual nervous manner, showing us to a table. As Yuuko takes our orders, I curse silently for the lack of menus in the place, because I don’t know the prices of anything. I order myself some coffee and brace myself in preparation for the onslaught of food that will probably be ordered by Emi and Misha.

An onslaught that doesn’t come, apparently, as something very strange happens. The two girls that sit opposite me both order a strawberry parfait. At the same time. A sly look passes between the two, quickly followed by uproarious laughter.

Yuuko almost looks confused at the hyperactive girls’ antics, but writes down the orders and leaves, bowing so low she nearly head-butts the table as she does.

I raise an eyebrow, “I didn’t know that you liked parfaits, Emi.”

“Of course I do! They’re delicious!”

“The parfaits here are super~ nice, too!” Misha’s bubbly voice responds as well.

They’ll probably start finishing each other’s sentences at this rate.

Emi nods in agreement, and the two begin some sort of high energy discussion about parfaits.

As they continue talking to one another I realise that it never occurred to me just how similar these two girls are. Ignoring the contrast in their appearances, their personalities match one another almost perfectly. They have the same high energy attitude, and they rarely ever seem to be upset or phased by anything.

I’m surprised that I’ve never seen the two of them together like this before, they get along well enough.

Misha waves her finger in front of me, “Hicchan! Are you in there~?”

Her loud voice snaps me back to reality. I must’ve spaced out. “Yeah, yeah. I’m here, what is it?”

She cocks her head to the side, “Whatcha’ thinking about?”

I grin, “You two.”

Misha gives me a puzzled look, “Us?”

“Yep, I was just thinking that you two seem to get along like a house on fire, so I was wondering why it is that you don’t hang out with each other.”

Emi scratches her head, “Good question,” she turns to the bubbly girl beside her, “Why haven’t we done this before?”

“I’m not sure~ maybe we’ve just never had the chance because I’m always with Shicchan and you’re always with Tezuka.”

The food arrives and the girls quickly begin devouring their parfaits. They even manage to tear through sweets at the same pace it seems, as they wolf down the food at an alarming rate.

Misha leans back against her seat, a content look on her face, “Ahhh; that was good!”

I stare at them in disbelief.

“What is it, Hisao?” Emi asks.

“The longer you two spend together, the more convinced I am that you and Misha are secretly related.”

Emi giggles, “We’re not related,” she begins.

“We’re both robots~!” Misha finishes.

Oh god. It’s happening.

I shake my head, “And that explains why you’re both so similar, does it?”

Emi points a finger at me, “Of course it does. We’re both the same model of robot.”

She stares at me with a very serious expression. I meet her gaze. Misha simply observes us as nothing happens. Suddenly, Emi tilts her head to one side.

“Beep.” She says flatly.

Misha laughs, her drills bouncing as her body shakes with laughter. The pigtailed girl quickly joins in. The resulting noise from their laughter attracts a few stares from other customers.

I rest my head on the table, “You’re both insane.” I groan.

“That’s rude, Hicchan! What sort of cold hearted brute would be so mean to a pair of cute girls like us?”

I recognise that tone of mock-sadness. If I look up…

I am faced with the sight of Emi and Misha doing their ‘puppy dog eyes’ in unison again.

I turn to look out the window, avoiding the frighteningly cute gazes of the girls sat in front of me.

“Cut it out,” I say, pointing to my chest, “Heart condition. You keep doing that and you might kill me.”

“Wahahaha~! We’d never kill you, Hicchan, you’re our friend!”

I chuckle, “I didn’t say you’d do it on purpose. Now let’s go before you guilt me into buying you something else.”

“Damn, if it was that easy then I should’ve milked it some more.” Emi says teasingly as I pay for the food.

We begin our hike back to Yamaku.

Emi and Misha are ahead of me, whispering amongst themselves until they both turn to face me.

They both try and make themselves as cute as possible, and speak in unison. “Hicchan~?”

Uh oh.
Last edited by Daedalus on Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper. - T.S Eliot, The Hollow Men

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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 12/4)

Post by Disonomous » Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:54 am

I was hoping there'd be more of Love Matters, and I really liked your new ones.

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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 12/4)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:46 am

Nice pieces. Too bad they both end when it just got interesting...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 12/4)

Post by Daedalus » Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:39 pm

Disonomous wrote:I was hoping there'd be more of Love Matters, and I really liked your new ones.
I am working on the next installment of that as we speak. There will definitely be more of Love Matters soon.
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This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper. - T.S Eliot, The Hollow Men

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Re: Daedalus's Fiction Collection (Updated 12/4)

Post by Brogurt » Wed Dec 05, 2012 1:44 am

Oh hey, a Hanako fic I missed

>However, this isn’t simply a desire to protect her; I want to see her grow as a person. I don’t want to just be there to shield her from the bad. I want to be there to see the good, too.
So right off the bat Hisao is pretty much being a marty stu, who perfectly gets the moral of the story. What I think would be interesting is if you turned around and made him wrong for believing that, but that's just me.

>Am I really going to have to tell her that I don’t love her?
So I guess the gang somehow got through Lilly's return to Yamaku, the days that followed, the trip to the house, and spent some length of time there without Lilly learning about H&H. Either that, or this is some kind of post-neutral end or something, which would make Hisao's impulses that I just discussed seem even weirder.

>So this is the real Lilly, huh? This is what she’s like underneath that prim and proper exterior that she tries so hard to maintain. She always seemed so calm and reserved whatever the situation, but deep down she’s just as fragile as the rest of us.
See, I think this is another one of those observations that someone as naive as Hisao shouldn't properly be able to judge at a time like this.

>I might be falling for her best friend
So, this is probably post Hanako-neutral or an offshoot of Lilly's. Still doesn't make sense why Hisao magically knows so much about Hanako and how he needs to treat her and such.

>much like that time in the tea room.
Okay.

>Lilly, you’re not selfish,” She raises her eyebrows, surprised at my interjection, “Telling someone that you love them isn’t selfish.
I'm believe that the correct forms are [selfish.” She] and [interjection. “Telling]
Commas come after a quotation, or can be used to interject within a quotation, but whenever you're switching from a complete sentence within quotations to a complete sentence outside of the quotation, I'm sure as sugar that you should be using periods.

>She speed
The speed

>We’ll be headed back to Yamaku tomorrow
Is that normally true on the day of the confession?



Besides those grammar things with the commas -which were actually quite common; I just picked up the first example I saw- the prose was satisfactory. I may have seen an adverb or two in an unnecessary place.

Trust me when I say that I really want to see the romance between H&H unfold differently than it did in the route. Smiles and sunshine are nice, but I worry that Hisao's psychic powers will make it feel less well-earned.

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