Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/31/18)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/23/18)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Oct 24, 2018 5:05 am

Short.
Fun.
Miki.
I like it.
I’m not about that life
Had to consult urban dictionary for that one. Still not sure what exactly Miki meant in that context...
Also, do people actually say "boobs" accidentally in conversations? Jokes like that always destroy immersion for me.

But the most unrealistic thing in here: Miki being almost the first to class :lol:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Scroff
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/23/18)

Post by Scroff » Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:50 am

It's not so unusual to say what you're thinking about instead of what you're supposed to be talking about, happens to me all the chocolate biscuits :lol:

Miki must be in full-on troll mode though, most of the time she thinks surnames are too stuffy...

ProfAllister
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/23/18)

Post by ProfAllister » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:55 am

Craftyatom wrote:
Wed Oct 24, 2018 1:37 am
A nice little piece. I would've liked a bit more detail on Hisao - it reads as though he froze in place once Shizune and Misha walked in, whereas I would expect no end to the stuttering and blushing and general discomfort from him.
Much as I enjoy playing up Hisao's impotence (I really do), I wanted this to be a scene of rapid escalation, and writing out all of Hisao's reactions felt like it was just bogging down the energy of the scene. If I ever decide to attempt a full-on Miki route (no chance in hell of me starting that before I finish FWoaN), I may revisit this scene to see if I changed my tune.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Wed Oct 24, 2018 5:05 am
I’m not about that life
Had to consult urban dictionary for that one. Still not sure what exactly Miki meant in that context...
Sadly, Urban Dictionary can only carry you so far. Especially when it's not a sexual euphemism. I'd translate it as "that's really not my style"; other people may be into it, and that's cool, but it's not for me.
Also, do people actually say "boobs" accidentally in conversations? Jokes like that always destroy immersion for me.
The classic joke is that a Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. Also, in typical weeb fashion, I was approaching this from the translation convention that they're actually speaking Japanese, which makes the misspeak slightly more believable, as "oppai" (boobs) has enough phonetic similarity to "Nakai" that there's more possibility of unintentional substitution.

Phonetic similarity aside, these sorts of substitutions do happen for some people more than others. Unfortunately, the written word makes it a lot trickier to convey the subtleties I was going for. In this instance, Hisao wasn't really flustered by Miki's chest. It was more of a "try not to think of a pink elephant" scenario. He's trying to be a gentleman, playing it cool; Miki talks to him, he casually responds absentmindedly, then hears what he says. The Freudian Slip comes through the lack of thought and automatic nature of Hisao introducing himself.

TL;DR - it happens, but rarely int he way depicted in movies and TV shows.
But the most unrealistic thing in here: Miki being almost the first to class :lol:
Hey, she may have misread the clock. :p
Scroff wrote:
Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:50 am
Miki must be in full-on troll mode though, most of the time she thinks surnames are too stuffy...
I'll admit that that was a factual detail I missed, since I didn't bother to re-research the canon Miki scenes. That being said, Miki's preference to dispense with surnames feels less "natural" than it does for the other girls. I'd go into detail on the intricacies of name usage between guys and girls in Japan, but, frankly, I'd probably get it wrong. Fortunately, there's a Western analogue. Among teenage boys, especially sports-minded boys, they tend to be far more comfortable addressing each other by surname. By my read, everything about Miki screams that she wants to be "one of the guys" - except for that "surnames are stuffy" bit. So, to put it bluntly, this is one of those extremely rare instances in which I'd be inclined to say that the canon got it wrong. It may be a failure of imagination on my part, but I can't see why she would deliberately "other" herself in this way, when she makes so many attempts otherwise to fit in.
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/23/18)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Oct 24, 2018 10:51 am

Sadly, Urban Dictionary can only carry you so far. Especially when it's not a sexual euphemism. I'd translate it as "that's really not my style"; other people may be into it, and that's cool, but it's not for me.
Oh, so it was about the name, not the boob thing...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

ProfAllister
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/23/18)

Post by ProfAllister » Wed Oct 31, 2018 7:56 pm

Karaoke Night
25 Years Later...
A Very Student Council Christmas
Sharks and Minnows
Katawa Shoujo: The Musical!
So She Dances
Hokkaido: a Turning Point
Where Are They Now?
Freaks and Friends Super Happy Funtime Christmas Special
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Two Halves Make a Hole
The Death and Return of Niji
Meeting Miki
War Diary 31-10-2007 (You Are Here)


A Little Treat for the Season


War Diary 31-10-2007

Damn it.

How did it end up this way? Everything was going so well. The op was progressing smoothly.

And then all hell broke loose.

It was a weekly reconnaissance run - infiltrate the replenishment hive, gather Intel, and get the hell out of Dodge. Routine stuff. I could practically do it in my sleep. I probably have a few times.

But not this time.

It started off normally. I began at twilight, when their lookouts are disabled as they transition between night vision and day vision. The hive antechamber had a few mindless drones milling about - easily avoided. And I managed to snag a crucial bit of intel - excited chatter about an “event.”

If only I had known. If only.

Taking no heed of the warning signs, I penetrated deeper. The corridors seemed unusually poorly maintained, as if the hive had been abandoned, leaving only the spiders - their natural allies.

I should have turned back. I should have run.

Like a fool, I ignored my gut. My gut, who had been such a loyal ally through thick and thin - and I betrayed it. I had gotten overconfident. In spite of the dilapidated state of the corridors, the hive was unusually active, soldiers darting between chambers, communicating in their rapid, high-pitched manner.

And then it happened.

Concurrent with the setting sun, the hellish voice of the Hive's leadership echoed throughout.

“Attention, ladies! It's showtime~!”

A single click, and everything went dark. A second click, and the hive was transformed into a nightmarish hellscape. The cobwebs began to glow, as if a luminescent fungus. To my horror, I realised my own clothing had been contaminated, as it, too, gave off an eerie glow. Needless to say, survival required that I relieve myself of the offending articles.

And then they appeared.

I was used to seeing them in their routine shadow interactions. I had theories as to which they each concealed. Little did I expect that this “event” was an opportunity to discard all pretense.

Some of the revelations were unsurprising - such as the pale one who avoided sunlight appearing garbed in the full regalia of Romanian nobility. Others were more perplexing - like the dark-skinned runner revealed to be a convenience store clerk specialising in sporting goods and power tools. But one and all, my darkest suspicions were confirmed.

And so here I am, surrounded by a horde of monsters in their home territory, now seeing no need to hide their nature. And me clad only with my wits.

It's almost unfair. For them.

Nevertheless, I should remain cautious. To break into open conflict this early may be a great victory on the small scale, but could ultimately cost us the war. The Intel I've collected today will be explosive in the long run, but only if they don't know I know.

“Excuse me, are you all right? You seem to be breathing heavily.”

Crap. It's the Mafia princess. But she has gossamer wings and wields an aetherial wand. A fairy?

Of course! The Mafia isn't run by godfathers, but godmothers. It's so obvious!

No time to exult in my brilliant deduction, though. This one knows me. Capitalising on the poor lighting, I take a deep breath, and release the manliest ululation I can muster, then make a break for the rear exit. I've learned that they foolishly leave that route of egress unguarded.

With a quick sprint, I throw my weight against the door and am greeted with the welcome chill air of success.

Today, a great blow has been struck against the Feminist forces, yet they remain none the wiser. This calls for a celebration. Unfortunately, I only have large bills on hand.

I should see if my hallmate can spot me the cost of a pizza.
Last edited by ProfAllister on Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/31/18)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:15 am

Hmm... At first I equated the "replenishment hive" with the Aura Mart, but that doesn't work out so well... The cafeteria? But that doesn't fit the "weekly"...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Raimen
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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/31/18)

Post by Raimen » Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:57 am

When I first read it, I thought it was a literal hive. Like some kind of crazy horror show or a really bad nightmare. So basically, Kenji.

I did notice a typo.. "soldiers dating between chambers" should be "soldiers darting between chambers". Although I guess "dating"also presents possibilities that I don't want to consider. So basically, Kenji.

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Re: Yet Another One-shot Repository (New Entry 10/31/18)

Post by ProfAllister » Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:54 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:15 am
Hmm... At first I equated the "replenishment hive" with the Aura Mart, but that doesn't work out so well... The cafeteria? But that doesn't fit the "weekly"...
I had assumed it was pretty obvious that it was the girls' dormitories. Evidently not.
Current Project: Misha Pseudo-Route

Discord ID: ProfAllister#9754

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