Familiar (HUGE WIP)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:55 pm

So, first things first: this is part one of the fic I am writing, and while it still has a lot of work to be done, I figured it would be a good birthday present if I could have it "finished" today.

So this post is reserved for the Pre Script, the following is for the first part of the fic (currently needs fine-tuning and music additions, but I'm posting it anyway) and then the rest will be segregated from these first two posts.

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:56 pm

Dog Days

“Well, here we are.”

Hanako’s words carry an air of tranquility with them, a modest statement to conclude an uneventful day.

And she’s entirely right. Here we are, arms linked, standing in front of the summer house I’ve been told so much about. It’s quite the sight despite its modest stature, but I guess that’s thanks to the sunset behind us casting an orange shadow across its veneer, marking the day’s end. I’ve had my doubts about coming here, but the chance to spend some time with two pretty girls at a secluded retreat in the summer isn’t one I could easily pass up.

Granted, Lilly already knows about me and Hanako, so that probably rules out some possibilities of what might happen here, but I suppose it invites others, doesn’t it?

…Goddamnit Hisao, get your act together. It’s just you and Hanako. No need to get any ideas.

But before I can chastise myself any further, Lilly speaks up.

“And if Akira is to be believed, there is a surprise inside.”

Hanako and I share a surprised look ourselves. I take it on myself to ask Lilly what she’s talking about.

“A surprise? What’s that mean?”

“I apologize, but it’s more for me than it is for you.”

A near devilish smirk comes across her face, which she does a bad job of suppressing

“Although you may enjoy it regardless of that fact.”

Oh, hell, Lilly. How do you even get off on keeping us in the dark like this anyway?

As if on cue, the three of us approach the front door, unlink our arms, and stand by while Lilly procures a key so she may allow us inside.

The second my foot hits the floor, a question crosses my mind.

“So, where should I put my stuff?”

Lilly pauses for a second before responding.

“You don’t want to see the surprise?”

Inquisitive. Tempting. Maddening. Lilly, you’ve really roped me in with that one question.

“I thought you said that it was more for you. But alright, I guess I’ll come along if it’s that big of a deal.”

She leads us to the kitchen, and there we find a large plastic crate of some sort with a caged entrance. As much as I’d like to examine the kitchen itself a bit more, this has really caught my attention. It appears to be a little under half my height, and every so often it appears to shift slightly or emit a sound. I think I’ve seen ones like it before, in pet stores that I’ve visited back in the city. Could this really be…?

Lilly bends down and runs her fingers over the contours of the caged side, before finding a latch and releasing it. She lets out a cry as it flies open.

“Niji~! C’mon, boy!”

“Whoa!”

Before the exclamation has entirely left my mouth, a large furry dog has leaped out of the cage and begun jumping at Lilly, his tail wagging restlessly. It almost looks like he’s trying to lick her face, which makes me almost laugh.

Hanako emits a squeal as well, but I can tell that it’s one of excitement rather than surprise. She immediately embraces Niji and begins stroking his fur, which catches his attention- and his nose. As he begins sniffing and playing with her, she starts giggling uncontrollably, and a smile parades itself onto my face with such ease that I don’t think anything in the world could wipe it off.

I guess it kind of would make sense for Hanako to take such a liking to him, since he’s not likely to find her scars repulsive… or even mildly interesting in the same way that a person would. Being a dog, one might say he’s the epitome of unbiased: not caring how a person looks or acts around others, having no desire to judge them, but only wanting affection from those closest to him, and returning it many times over.

And it shows, as his tail has not stopped wagging for one second since he was let out of the cage.

Now, with all the excitement out of the way, my query comes out plainly.

“A dog?”

“A seeing-eye dog, yes.”

Her nonchalant mention of Niji’s purpose catches me off guard, and takes a chunk of the happiness I was just feeling with along it. It feels… it feels like she thinks we’re abandoning her. Like this is some kind of last resort to maintain some independence without inconveniencing us, the occupied lovebirds.

“Lilly…”

“Well, since Hanako has been spending so much time with you, and Akira has been getting more and more busy with her work, I figured it would be best to get acquainted sooner rather than later.”

“Hey, you don’t have to do that. If you ever need something, Hanako and I would both gladly oblige. Right, Hanako?”

“Mmhmm.”

A glance in her direction shows me that she’s still playing with Niji, and only barely conscious of what’s going on over here. The way she continues to ruffle his fur and rub his belly tells me that she’s clearly not feeling the same way about this that I am.

“Oh, no, it’s quite alright. I don’t want to be a burden, and the sooner I can get used to all this, the sooner I can regain a degree of freedom.”

“Fine, Lilly, if you insist. But never tell yourself that you can’t ask something of Hanako or I.”

“I won’t. Thank you for your concern, but this is something I must get used to.”

The following awkward silence hangs painfully in the air, and I conjure a some small talk to hopefully break it.

“…So his name is Niji?”

“Indeed. Akira was a much bigger advocate of the name than I, but it ended up sticking.”

“Why’d you only agree to start training him now instead of some other time?”

“I’d rather get through the tough part -the introduction, if you will- when there’s little else going on to get in the way. I don’t think I’d appreciate having the extra stress piled on top of the usual work from school.”

That sounds fair enough. I’m not sure how I feel about him being here during our stay, though. He’s already captured Hanako, and I don’t want this trend to continue for too long.

“Alright… Looks like a golden retriever. Is that correct?”

“Yes. Golden retrievers are known to be very intelligent, and are the most popular seeing-eye dogs for the blind.”

Another question embeds itself into my mind, and as much as I don’t want to make a big deal of it, it kills me to think of going this whole stay without knowing the answer. I guess I’ll just have to make it sound casual.

I clear my throat, and immediately catch the attention of both girls. This is already turning out worse than I hoped for.

“Is he neutered?”

Even with my best efforts put behind making it sound relaxed, I see Lilly smile and Hanako suppress a laugh. Damn it.

“Yes. Yes, he is.”

I sigh… A move that undoubtedly made things no better, as Hanako can no longer contain herself and Lilly looks like she’s in pain as she tries to restrain a laugh or two.

This isn’t good.

“H-hey, how about we finish unpacking? It’s kinda late and I’d like to get to bed, you know?

“Whatever you say, Hisao.”







So, with the details ironed out, this trip looks like it’s beginning to really shape up.

There’s a lone bedroom which Lilly and Hanako will be sharing, and a futon in the living room for me. The kitchen is already stocked with food, and my clothes are folded and neat. I’ve got my medication ready, and it’s 10 o’clock and time for me to go to bed.

But before I do, there’s one last order of business I’d like to attend to.

A quick trek across the house brings me to the bedroom. I knock twice…

“Come in.”

And after hearing Hanako’s voice, invite myself inside.

I am greeted by the sight of each of the two girls already in her pajamas, with Hanako petting and hugging Niji once more, while Lilly is filing through her things, evidently making sure it’s all in order.

“You seem awfully fixed on Niji, Hanako. Forget about me?”

What was meant to be a joke probably just came across as scolding back there. This is only made all the more evident by Hanako’s gaze dropping to the floor and a look of ragged dejection appearing on her face. In my defense, it is late, and I am kind of irritated how she’s almost ignoring me.

“Anyway, I’m done. Just wanted to let you two know.”

This time, Lilly is the one to answer.

“As are we. Just making sure everything’s in order”

“Okay. Anyway, I’ll be heading to bed. See you two in the morning.”

Lilly giggles, one hand covering her mouth.

…Oh, that might be why. I might never accustom myself to avoiding that kind of language… but then again, it’s probably better that I don’t.

“Good night, Hisao.”

When I look to Hanako, she remains silent, looking at the floor. Maybe I was too harsh, but I’m certain she can take the criticism if she just realizes that I don’t think of her any differently because of it.

I take my leave, shutting the door behind me, but before it falls into place and clicks, a foot intercepts it and it sways back open.

When I turn to see who it is, it’s none other than Hanako, who shuts the door silently behind her.

She then looks up at me with such pleading eyes that I expect that I’ll have to ask her what’s wrong. Instead, she makes the first move.

“I… just want to say I’m sorry. I know that you… have expectations of me as your girlfriend, and I want to live up to them, but… sometimes I get caught up in the moment. This probably wasn’t the best first day here for you… because of me, and I’m sorry about that.”

Given the sheer innocence and purity of her words, I couldn’t possibly stay mad at her over something so trivial. It almost makes me crack a smile, to see her taking charge for her shortcomings, if it would be appropriate to use that term.

“B-but I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

And now these words carry such spirit and indignation; I can’t help but believe her.

“That’s alright, Hanako. Heck, even more than alright now, if you’re willing to make things better.”

I look her in the eye for a moment, verifying that the feeling is mutual, then turn to leave-

“Good night Hisao. I love you.”

Oh, how stupid of me.

“Love you too. Night.”

With that, we share a kiss goodnight, and I make my way back to the futon while Hanako retires to her room.

And before I know it, I’m asleep.








Something shakes my body back and forth momentarily, so I let out a groan and hit the snooze button- which appears to be the side of an end table now.

Suddenly, a voice amongst the deafening silence.

“Hisao…”

That’s… that’s Hanako, isn’t it?

I attempt to open my eyes, and am greeted by the sight of red, white, and purple.

“Oh, hello there Hanako… Looking to sleep with me tonight or something?”

Wow. If she even heard that mumble, I’d be impressed.

“You… you said that you wanted something more from this trip… So… I decided- I mean, would you like to go on a picnic?”

“A picnic? This late at night? What time is it?”

I guess I never was a heavy sleeper, and it couldn’t have been that long since I fell asleep. My senses must be returning to be rather quickly.

“Right now, it’s midnight. The picnic is… it’s not much. I just packed some snacks and grabbed some blankets…”

She sheepishly holds up a picnic basket to me and mentions toward a pile of folded blankets set beside her.

“Well, if you’re already this prepared, that doesn’t leave me with much of a choice, now does it?”

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t think…”

“Hey, no worries. I don’t think I could have asked for things to turn out better.”

As I impart every bit of sincerity I can muster into my words, I see the corners of Hanako’s mouth raise ever so slightly, and I know my efforts have paid off.

“So, Hanako, you think you’ll be alright heading out on a picnic in your nightgown?”

My question appears to have caught her off-guard.

“W-well, you’re still in your pajamas too.”

She says this quite challengingly. Oh, it’s on alright.

“I know, I know. But you just woke me up, so I don’t know how you can expect me to be dressed already.”

She lost. Soundly defeated and she knows it, but her smile doesn’t show it.

“Alright… I’ll go up and get dressed.”

“And I’ll meet you down here at the doorway.”

With that settled, she takes her leave and I slip into some more appropriate clothing.

She soon catches up, and we both depart, her in the lead with the basket and a flashlight in hand, and me trailing behind with the blankets clutched in my arms. Whenever I can get close, I can tell that she smells… different than she did earlier. It’s quite pleasant, maybe some kind of perfume.

It finally occurs to me that I’m missing a very important part of this expedition.

“Hey, so… where are we going, anyway?”

“There’s a… a wheat field nearby. It seemed like a nice place to go.”

“Okay, then. I’ll hold you to that.”

Each of us satisfied with where our conversation has ended, we continue on without another word.

We move surprisingly quickly; she deftly glides through the fields, avoiding the taller stalks of wheat and taking care not to trample the shorter ones, and I follow, memorizing her movements and repeating them as best I can. Now that I take note of it, it’s actually kind of warm for the nighttime, even if it is Summer. Not that I mind, it definitely beats the usual frigid airs.

“This should be good.”

I stop in my tracks, and she sets her things down. Before I can ask her about the blankets, she has taken one of the ends, and we are spreading them out along the ground.

Several minutes later, we’re finally seated and set up, and there’s one thing that’s been on my mind for a while now.

“So, what’s all in the basket?”

She stiffens up at the mention of its contents, and then relaxes shortly after. Now I’m left wondering what’s even on her mind.

“W-well, it’s mostly small things, like some bread, crackers, some bottles of water…”

As I see her hand wander over the lid and gingerly open it, my eyes are drawn to what’s inside.

“Is that…?”

She nods timidly.

“Does Lilly even know about it? Like, that it was even in the house?”

She looks straight at me and shrugs, her gaze unwavering… and worried. She’s probably concerned about whether or not I’d even approve of such a thing. And then there’s the implications beyond that…

“Well, it would be a shame to bring it all the way out here for nothing, huh?”

Hanako, visibly lightened by my reaction, reaches inside the picnic basket and grasps the neck of a bottle of fine wine. It’s black, and amongst the foreign text on the side, there’s a picture of some vines and grapes.

My eyes follow the bottle as she leans it against the side of the basket and takes out a pair of wine glasses to drink from.

Wine glasses… the idea strikes me as strangely feminine.

She hands one to me, and try to set them on the blanket, but the uneven ground makes them fall over with every attempt, find ourselves simply pouring the wine straight into the glasses and drinking from there.

Of course, not too much. For now, each of us simply has one drink and sets the glass aside.

“So, Hisao…”

“Yeah?”

“There’s something I’d like to show you.”

“Show me?”

I think my words match my reaction quite well. I think I’ve seen everything there is to see several times now.

“Well, you can’t physically see it… I mean-“

And before I know it, she’s stumbling over her words in embarrassment.

“…I-I know my English isn’t the best, s-so I’ve been practicing hard…”

The finally rights herself and makes a conclusive statement.

“So I hope you enjoy it.”

She takes one deep breath, and begins tapping the side of her foot against the ground.

The then clears her throat and begins to sing.

Image

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you.
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do.
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now.

Back beat, the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out.
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt.
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding.
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how.

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
And after all, you're my wonderwall.

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you.
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do.
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now.

And all the roads that lead you there are winding.
And all the lights that light the way are blinding.
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how.

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
And after all, you're my wonderwall.

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
And after all, you're my wonderwall.

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Her voice dances in the air, mingles with the stars, flits in between the stalks of wheat, and the feeling is incredible. While some of the English leaves me hanging, I pick up the majority of the words, and the fact that she chose this song, of all things, to show to me raises a few questions.

I applaud her performance, and she stands up to take a bow. She’s blushing really hard now, to the point where I can see it even in the dim starlight.

“Nicely done, Hanako. We really have to bring you out to a karaoke bar some time.”

“Th-thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“But I’ve got a question about the song you chose. Some of the lyrics said that ‘Maybe I’m gonna be the one that saves you.’ But… I thought that you always wanted a lover, not a hero.”

“That’s why it’s a maybe. I... guess I’m not really sure what I want...”

“In me?”

“In life.”

“But I’ll find out. I’ll find my way... it's just that... the way I’ve lived my life for so long... it's hard to throw that away, even if it feels nice to be treated as an equal… Even though I hated every bit of my ‘old life’, it's still a part of me. Even with you around, I sometimes feel like I can’t do enough, or I can't be enough.”

“I don't think that's a healthy train of thought, Hanako. Our pasts don't have to continue to affect us. They already took their toll. That's why they're in the past. Because we can move on.”

“That's what I like to tell myself, but change is hard. I’ve been dependent on others for so long, and... the thought of being independent is really scary.”

“Please, Hanako. I know you can do whatever you put your mind to. I believe in you, so please believe me when I say I have total confidence in you.”

My words sound oddly sharp. I hope I’m not being too forceful, but I think that it shows just how deep my faith in her is.

“I… alright.”

“Let’s get something to eat, why don’t we?”

She nods in agreement.

The following minutes are spent eating the food she brought along, with a healthy dose of stargazing. The wheat makes for a comfortable pillow underneath the blankets, so sitting back and getting comfortable isn’t hard.

I notice that I’m having quite a bit more of the wine to drink than she is. Maybe that’s just because I can stand more of it without becoming intoxicated than she can.

Soon, each of us has eaten our share, and the food is entirely repacked in the basket. Hanako uses the opportunity to reestablish a bridge of communication between us. It was getting awfully quiet.

“I’ve always imagined… spending a night under the starlit sky with someone I love.”

“Have you ever told Lilly? I don’t think she’d mind, even if she can’t see the stars.”

“Not… like that…”

Oh.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

“Well then, I’d be happy to make that dream a reality. But I don’t think it would be such a great idea to stay out here for the whole night. Lilly doesn’t even know we’re here.”

“That what I was thinking as well… I guess we’ll just have to… make a compromise. Head back afterward, before it gets too late.”

Compromises. Such an integral part of life, aren’t they? You can’t always get what you want, after all. So we push on. We push on with the hand that we’re dealt, trying to make the most of it.

Maybe we could say the same of Niji. He’s basically here for Lilly, but if I don’t at least try to enjoy his existence, I never will. And it looks like Hanako’s already realized that and is acting upon it, while I’m barely coming to terms with the fact. It almost makes me a bit jealous to see her capable of enjoying the small things in life, whereas I cannot.

…Oh shit.

“What’s the matter?”

Did I say that out loud? Guess I better explain…

“I kinda… sorta… don’t have any kind of… protection with me.”

“That’s alright. I’m… I-I-I’m on the pill. I want this trip to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us.

I look her dead in the eyes.

“Wow, Hanako.”

“W-w-what’s the matter?!”

She’s so flustered now, she can’t help her stammering. I’d better defuse this situation.

“It just seems silly to me, that you’re capable of going out in public and buying something like that, for us, but you don’t think that you’re capable of being as independent as anyone else.”

She seems to agree with my reasoning. I guess I did a good job.

“Y-yeah, I guess so…”

“Alcohol or no, let’s make this night one to remember.”

██████████████████████████████████████████████ BEGIN H-CONTENT ██████████████████████████████████████████████

My head bobs forward to steal an abbreviated kiss from her. After letting go, she gazes deep into my eyes, and lunges forward to kiss me, taking us to the ground.

The feeling of her body next to mine combined with the hot summer night is already beginning to make me sweat. As I snake my hand around her body, under her clothing, I can tell that she’s feeling it too.

Eventually it finds rest just below her navel, and my eyes dart to hers. She sends a smile and a nod my way, and I reply by shutting my eyes and kissing her firmly as my hand finds its way underneath her silken panties. A finger grazes her dripping slit, making her whimper into my mouth, and making me fel the reverberations.

She moans once more as I slip a finger inside, and I pull back my head and take another look at her to see how she’s taking things. The slight “o” formed by her trembling lips is quite telling- she’s really enjoying this. Before I know it, instinct rears its head, and another finger has found its way inside her, and my hand is sliding up and down her crotch while my two fingers slide in and out of her.

She gasps with each movement, and after a while, I notice her reach toward my shirt in the midst of her surges of pleasure and begin unbuttoning it. She’s willing to escalate this, and so am I. A final motion withdraws my hand, now dripping with her juices, and I take hold of her top and pull it off her, kissing the nape of her neck once as I do so. She finishes with my shirt, and as one thing leads to another, each of us fully undresses the other.

Even in the nude, I can still feel the heat coming off both her and myself, and I push her back onto the blanket, so that we can begin.

I place myself above her, and the look in her eye changes from timid to fierce. At this response, I begin grinding against her entrance, making eye contact the whole way. Each motion -each thrust- further excites me, and further drives her into ecstasy. I take her bared legs and push them out to the sides, and then an idea strikes me.

“Hey, Hanako. Would you like to be on top this time?”

Surprise takes the reigns, and her competitive visage melts away.

“M-me?”

“On top, yes. We haven’t tried things this way before, and I think I trust you enough to let you do something like that.”

“I… Sure. L-let’s do it.”

I lay myself next to her on the blanket, and she extends one leg over me, then the other. As she begins to straddle me, I again take note of her shapely body. Her thighs spread out far from her core, only further being exaggerated by the position she has taken above me. Her waist… her breasts… really, not one part of her is unattractive, even with the scarring covering half of it. And then there’s her face, flushed with redness and eager to begin.

“Go on.”

She takes me in one hand and gradually sets herself down on me. A gasp escapes her as our hips meet, and she looks at me demurely, unsure of what to do next.

“Umm…”

She then starts swaying her hips in tiny circles, taking me with her. The feeling of her insides clenching around me like this, unadulterated, is unlike any other. I just might lose myself in it.

She starts going faster, then stops suddenly. As I look to her to see what the issue is, I see her lift herself off me, give her rear a little shake, and then set herself back down on me, again taking the entirety of my member inside her with an arousing moan.

“S-sorry, just wanted to get more comfortable…”

A reassuring smile says that it’s more than alright, and she again begins pleasuring us both with her fluid movements. This time, though, I notice something. Her hands… They’re wandering around the blankets, looking for something to grasp, but they just can’t find anything.

I reach out both of my hands and take one of hers in each.

Hanako then applies her own change in pace. Using my arms for leverage, she begins plunging up and down on me more rapidly, pushing my elbows into the blanket. Her gasps turn to panting, and her face turns even brighter red than I remember it.

Naturally, the feeling is mutual, since I find myself wincing in pleasure too as it courses through me. I don’t know how much longer I can last, with her going at this rate.

As I continue to observe her writhing in pleasure, I notice how loud she’s being, and then it hits me. There’s nobody around for the next couple kilometers. We can be as loud as we like out here.

I let my instincts run loose again, and I hear some moans escape my own mouth. Almost as if that’s what she needed to hear, Hanako goes over the edge, shuddering, and so do I, as we both orgasm in what feels like a blissful eternity. She opens her eyes and looks straight at me as the waves of ecstasy come crashing down on us both, overpowering us, and I couldn’t be happier if this moment lasted forever.
██████████████████████████████████████████████ END H-CONTENT ██████████████████████████████████████████████

I again open my eyes, and Hanako herself has collapsed on top of me, with both her arms wrapped around my waist, her head on my chest and her breathing ragged, just like mine. She looks up at me as we lay here, and I smile back, letting her know that everything’s good.

I see her toss the picnic basket off the blankets and into the field, and she then takes each edge of the blanket and folds them over us, wrapping us up like a cocoon.

“So, Hanako, I thought you said we were gonna be back before it’s too late.”

“We are. Just…. just a little while longer.”

By now, both of our breathing rates have returned to normal, and the only feeling in the world is her body pressed up against me, her breasts acting as a cushion between us, while we both hold each other and gaze into each other’s eyes. Basking in the afterglow like this, just showing affection in the more non-sexual ways… this might be as good as sex itself.

Just maybe.
Last edited by Brogurt on Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Mahorfeus
Posts: 683
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:16 pm

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Mahorfeus » Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:09 am

I can't help but think that everything is going to get fucked up somehow, but I really like the way things are going so far. Using the dog as a plot device to give Hisao and Hanako space struck me as rather clever.

I'm a little unsure of whether Hanako would be ready for a sexual relationship so soon, but then again, I believe some time passed before Lilly got back, and after.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

User avatar
atw_ah
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 7:37 pm
Location: California, USA

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by atw_ah » Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:21 am

Is normal to have read this whole story with a smile on my face? If it isn't, then I've seriously got a problem...

Either way, Brogurt, you've caught my interest. I really enjoyed reading this. I also loved the parallels that you drew from Lily's path (the moment on the wheat field and even the sex position). Was that a manly picnic reference I saw there or am I just crazy? Excellent song choice, mostly because I think it fits Hanako well and that I also have some personal connection to that song.

So I'm assuming that this takes place after Lily's return during Hanako's good end right? If so then that would mean they've been together for two weeks or so. I'm only saying this because I've always thought of sex being something that couples do when they've matured enough in their relationship. I mean, Hanako first offered it to Hisao to get him to stop looking at her as a child so to offer it again as something romantic only a few weeks later seems kinda odd. Maybe they've progressed far enough in their relationship or maybe my timeline is off, I don't know. I'm just wondering about that.
KS: Bloodline The story of Yaso Atoza, 24 years after the events in KS.
Nomad: A Hanako Tale Hanako's search for her own personal paradise, ten years after KS.

Around The World, Always Honorable

My pastebin

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:47 am

atw_ah wrote:Was that a manly picnic reference I saw there or am I just crazy?
No, it was a girly picnic reference. Get it right, gawsh.

Anyway, on the topic of Hanako being so willing to get back into sex, this isn't their second time. I plan on writing that later. I tell myself that what happened here will seem even sweeter if one were to read that and then look back on this one, but I'm just talking to myself. That fic will explain how they got to this point, kind of, but if there's one thing I'd like to say, it's that different stories I write will have different purposes, and even if it were all to fit into one canon-ical timeline, they'd be separated by purpose and intent as well as a chronological timeline. Dog Days is meant to be happy, so I kept it at that.

If you're itching for something right now, then you might take a look at this fic, where Hisao feels like making sex a comfortable topic between them would be a pleasant idea, with his reasoning behind it.

I probably fucked up the timelines, but I do not possess the capacity to fix them myself.

User avatar
Ascended Flutist
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:53 am
Location: The Sixth House Rubbery Instruments Club

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Ascended Flutist » Wed Jul 11, 2012 7:38 am

I think I'll make a habit of doing these 'commenting as I read' stuff, because it's useful and fun, so there. Thanks for inspiring those, by the way.
veneer
And you bitched about 'slaloming'. :mrgreen:
Oh, hell, Lilly. How do you even get off on keeping us in the dark like this anyway?
Pfahahahahaha!
What was meant to be a joke probably just came across as scolding back there. This is only made all the more evident by Hanako’s gaze dropping to the floor and a look of ragged dejection appearing on her face.
Awwww :]
In my defense, it is late, and I am kind of irritated how she’s almost ignoring me.
Alternating d'awwww Hanako passages with Hisao being irritating. That's the Brogurt style I know and love.
“I… just want to say I’m sorry. I know that you… have expectations of me as your girlfriend, and I want to live up to them, but… sometimes I get caught up in the moment. This probably wasn’t the best first day here for you… because of me, and I’m sorry about that.”
Awwwwwwww :3
Red wine.
The french fag that I am immediately asked himself why not white or a light rosé. Red wine tends to be more heady, in the negative sense of the term. But Hanako doesn't have a clue about wines, and those are my personal tastes, so I can just shrug it off.
But seriously, what does red wine have going for it, aside from the burgundy color?
Song.
Even though I can't say I care massively for the song used, It was pleasant, and very pleasant imagining Hanako singing that, as well as indeed very fitting. Good job.
“But I’ve got a question about the song you chose. Some of the lyrics said that ‘Maybe I’m gonna be the one that saves you.’ But… I thought that you always wanted a lover, not a hero.”

“That’s why it’s a maybe. I... guess I’m not really sure what I want...”

“In me?”

“In life.”
Indeed. If anyone criticize that particular characterization of Hanako, I'll be right next to you to tell them how much of a mouthbreathing retard he/she/it is.
Exchange of words.
You're in dangerous waters here. Hisao's view on Hanako are alarmingly close to fanboyism. It'd be nice if you somehow made it clear whether he's crossed that line or not. As it is, it's uncomfortably ambiguous. Though maybe this was by design.
██████████████████████████████████████████████ BEGIN H-CONTENT ██████████████████████████████████████████████
Y'see, I prefer straight up telling a part of the story rather than putting a huge pillar like this in the narrative, but, again, tastes.
Smut
Well done, well done, although
wiggle her rear a little big
What does this mean?


As always with your fics, this is great and promising. I especially liked the first half. Also, I hope you'll forgive the somewhat harsh tone this comment had at times. If I juste quoted scene after scenes and wrote 'dis iz gud' every time, it wouldn't serve much purpose.
And to live in Peace A post Hanako Good End fanfiction. That about sums it up.

Fanfics Thou shalt not regret reading : Bloodline, Doomish's Misha Pseudo-route, Rika's Story, A Pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route.
There are many other apocryphas worth reading in the fanfiction section. Do yourself a favor, dig them up and read them. Reading is good.

Nice hat.

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:53 am

Exchange of words.
You're in dangerous waters here. Hisao's view on Hanako are alarmingly close to fanboyism. It'd be nice if you somehow made it clear whether he's crossed that line or not. As it is, it's uncomfortably ambiguous. Though maybe this was by design.
Shit nigga, you're gonna have to explain what exchange of words means here
wiggle her rear a little big
What does this mean?
IT MEANS SHE SHAKES HER ASS
typos yo, I told you this was kinda rushed
If I juste quoted scene after scenes and wrote 'dis iz gud' every time, it wouldn't serve much purpose.
I'd prefer it no other way

User avatar
Ascended Flutist
Posts: 141
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:53 am
Location: The Sixth House Rubbery Instruments Club

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Ascended Flutist » Wed Jul 11, 2012 10:42 am

Rather than just quote it, I'll detail the whole thing.
“But I’ll find out. I’ll find my way... it's just that... the way I’ve lived my life for so long... it's hard to throw that away, even if it feels nice to be treated as an equal… Even though I hated every bit of my ‘old life’, it's still a part of me. Even with you around, I sometimes feel like I can’t do enough, or I can't be enough.”

“I don't think that's a healthy train of thought, Hanako. Our pasts don't have to continue to affect us. They already took their toll. That's why they're in the past. Because we can move on.”
Agreed. Nothing wrong here.
“That's what I like to tell myself, but change is hard. I’ve been dependent on others for so long, and... the thought of being independent is really scary.”

“Please, Hanako. I know you can do whatever you put your mind to. I believe in you, so please believe me when I say I have total confidence in you.”

My words sound oddly sharp. I hope I’m not being too forceful, but I think that it shows just how deep my faith in her is.
It's there. I don't quite know whether to interpret this as fanboyism or just love... No, in retrospect it's not fanboyism, Although... It's just, well, Hisao shows some unusual resolution and deep trust in her, but, you know, love. I suppose it's a valid character evolution, after all there's a bit of time between the confession and Lilly's return, enough for things to evolve that way... I iz conflicted.
But crisis averted, right? But then
“That’s alright. I’m… I-I-I’m on the pill. I want this trip to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us.

I look her dead in the eyes.

“Wow, Hanako.”

“W-w-what’s the matter?!”

She’s so flustered now, she can’t help her stammering. I’d better defuse this situation.

“It just seems silly to me, that you’re capable of going out in public and buying something like that, for us, but you don’t think that you’re capable of being as independent as anyone else.”
While this is true, the way it's worded sort of implies that Hisao's view on her is more than just love : 'Waaah, mah gurlfriend goes to buy the pill on her own. She so gr8'. It doesn't quite reach that level, but people could interpret it like that.
It's so tiny and I really hate bitching about it, but the 'Wow' is what tips the balance into fanboy territory for me.

Shit, I don't even know anymore, really. Feel free to disregard what I said. I'm probably imagining it. ¯\_(=/)_/¯
And to live in Peace A post Hanako Good End fanfiction. That about sums it up.

Fanfics Thou shalt not regret reading : Bloodline, Doomish's Misha Pseudo-route, Rika's Story, A Pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route.
There are many other apocryphas worth reading in the fanfiction section. Do yourself a favor, dig them up and read them. Reading is good.

Nice hat.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 5987
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:40 am

Ascended Flutist wrote:
██████████████████████████████████████████████ BEGIN H-CONTENT ██████████████████████████████████████████████
Y'see, I prefer straight up telling a part of the story rather than putting a huge pillar like this in the narrative, but, again, tastes.
Normally I'd agree with you, but in this case, it makes it esier to skip that part if you don't want to read it, so thanks, I guess.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Mahorfeus
Posts: 683
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:16 pm

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Mahorfeus » Thu Jul 12, 2012 2:22 am

Wait a minute. I thought you didn't do smut? What changed? [/onlyhalfjoking]
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Jul 12, 2012 2:26 am

I stand by what I said earlier that this is not smut. It's not smut because it's relevant to the story.
/denial

random

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by random » Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:08 pm

why does Hisao ask if Niji is neutered?

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:11 pm

He's not a fan of bestiality and wants to make sure that no such thing happens on the trip.

random

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by random » Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:16 pm

Brogurt wrote:He's not a fan of bestiality and wants to make sure that no such thing happens on the trip.

I just mentally pictured a foursome between Hisao, Hanako, Lilly and un-neutered Niji

Gaaawwwdddaaammmnnn you, Brogurt

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Familiar (HUGE WIP)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:03 pm

>implying it would be a foursome
>implying Hisao wouldn't be getting NTR'd by a dog as Niji gives both girls the knot and he has to watch because he can't join in since the excitement would give him a heart attack

Post Reply