Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 04/30/16 ~ recommitted to completion.

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Silentcook
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Silentcook » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:38 am

Helbereth wrote:Shanghaied
That word risks to carry an entirely different connotation around here. Or maybe not, come to think of it... :3
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dewelar
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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by dewelar » Sat Feb 22, 2014 12:29 pm

Helbereth wrote:
dewelar wrote:Okay, Helbereth...you know I love your writing, and you know I love this story, and this chapter was great fun to read...

...but...

...am I still reading Tomorrow's Doom here?
Yes, it is, 100%, been in the outline since week 1, but I can't really say much else without spoilers. Yes, it does feel like it drifted away from the relationship angle. Yes, that's intentional. No, I haven't started writing one-shots into my narrative.
I didn't mean it quite that literally. My comment was directed at the stylistic choice you made here, not at...um...what is it you think I was accusing you of, anyway :? ? The fact that the stylistic choice in question was present from the beginning doesn't change my opinion of it. If future events do change that opinion, then great :) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by Helbereth » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:25 pm

dewelar wrote:I didn't mean it quite that literally. My comment was directed at the stylistic choice you made here, not at...um...what is it you think I was accusing you of, anyway :? ? The fact that the stylistic choice in question was present from the beginning doesn't change my opinion of it. If future events do change that opinion, then great :) .
*blank stare*

Stylistic choice?

No clue what you're talking about.

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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by dewelar » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:47 pm

Helbereth wrote:
dewelar wrote:I didn't mean it quite that literally. My comment was directed at the stylistic choice you made here, not at...um...what is it you think I was accusing you of, anyway :? ? The fact that the stylistic choice in question was present from the beginning doesn't change my opinion of it. If future events do change that opinion, then great :) .
*blank stare*

Stylistic choice?

No clue what you're talking about.
Yeah, we're obviously talking past each other. I was trying to say something along the lines of "in my opinion, this act feels like a sidetrack from the story you've been telling up until now, and thus might have worked better as one or more stories separate from TD proper instead of as part of it." The "stylistic choice" I mention refers to my previous statement that the story has shifted into a different genre (i.e., the style of story has changed).

I hope that clarifies things.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!

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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by Mournful3ch0 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:55 pm

Helbereth wrote:Stylistic choice?
It's just different without the rest of your characters. Without the humor and easygoing banter between the main cast, you can't tell the same story. You're not lacking in writing quality or substance, but the problem to the reader is that the rest of your ensemble isn't present anymore.
...
Methinks.
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:20 pm

she bolts out of bed and almost beats me down to the Town Car—we'll be traveling in style.
What is a town car? Wikipedia says it's an oldtimer, but if you meant that I think you probably would have added a more detailed description...
...but I'll accept tips...!”
I think I mentioned it before, but no tips in Japan.
I'm predicting a surprise appearance from Hisao,
He's in the closet.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by bhtooefr » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:33 pm

Being capitalized, it almost makes me think it's referring to a specific model of car, the Lincoln Town Car:

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Common for luxury taxi service and (due to their body on frame architecture) conversion into limousines in the US, but would one really be used as such in Japan?

And "oldtimer" isn't a term usually used in English for a classic or antique car, for what it's worth.

Also... Hisao's in the closet? Are you saying that this is actually a Kenji route? :lol:
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:48 pm

No, in the locked closet in Aiko's room ;-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Mournful3ch0 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:55 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:No, in the locked closet in Aiko's room ;-)
Yeah, Shizune always finds a way to tie him to chairs... :lol:
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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by Helbereth » Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:00 pm

dewelar wrote:Yeah, we're obviously talking past each other. I was trying to say something along the lines of "in my opinion, this act feels like a sidetrack from the story you've been telling up until now, and thus might have worked better as one or more stories separate from TD proper instead of as part of it." The "stylistic choice" I mention refers to my previous statement that the story has shifted into a different genre (i.e., the style of story has changed).

I hope that clarifies things.
*checks outline* Nope, no sidetracks here. Still a slice-of-life drama/romance story. In the simplest terms, this story has been planned in four stages: awkward meetings and becoming friends (act 1 and 2, which I consider one act), the boyfriend/girlfriend paradigm (act 3), finally becoming lovers (act 4), and this last act... isn't finished. It's only about half finished, actually.

I've been asked this same kind of question before on several occasions, always when the story is paused at an odd moment like this that seems to diverge from the main plot-line. Admittedly, this one has had a lot of build-up over the last few chapters, but that's also intentional. All I can do to assuage your concerns is beg for some faith; I do have a plan, and this all has a reason, so just enjoy the mystery while it lasts.

Writing a solid-state story like this, which isn't really meant to be read in serial format, is bound to create some odd questions when the next part isn't available to answer your questions. For that, I apologize.
Mournful3ch0 wrote:It's just different without the rest of your characters. Without the humor and easygoing banter between the main cast, you can't tell the same story. You're not lacking in writing quality or substance, but the problem to the reader is that the rest of your ensemble isn't present anymore.
...
Methinks.
That's understandable. Part of the reason for the phone conversation in the last chapter was to inject a bit of that just before they depart for the camping trip. It's just bound to happen when the story calls for the main cast to separate.
Mirage_GSM wrote:What is a town car?
Capitalized, it references a Lincoln Town Car, which, as bhtooefr pointed out, is commonly used for luxury taxi service, or converting into a limousine. The aside "we'll be traveling in style" is meant to emphasize that point, though I could have been more descriptive. Basically they're taking a taxi to the train station, but it's a few steps above the regular yellow cab, or whatever color they are in Japan.
I think I mentioned it before, but no tips in Japan.
Nothing you say will make me take that part out.
I'm predicting a surprise appearance from Hisao,
He's in the closet.
If so, he's doing a good job putting on airs...
bhtooefr wrote:Also... Hisao's in the closet? Are you saying that this is actually a Kenji route? :lol:
You people, I swear...
Mournful3ch0 wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:No, in the locked closet in Aiko's room ;-)
Yeah, Shizune always finds a way to tie him to chairs... :lol:
Sigh...

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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by dewelar » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:32 pm

Helbereth wrote:Writing a solid-state story like this, which isn't really meant to be read in serial format, is bound to create some odd questions when the next part isn't available to answer your questions. For that, I apologize.
Yeah, fair enough. *sigh* Maybe it's time for me to stop driving myself nuts and just wait until this story is finished to read the rest of it so that I stop making stupid posts like this :) .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
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Re: Chapter 44 - Sojourn (part 4)

Post by Mournful3ch0 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 10:48 pm

dewelar wrote:Maybe it's time for me to stop driving myself nuts and just wait until this story is finished to read the rest of it so that I stop making stupid posts like this :) .
You and I both know that that will never happen. Sometimes I tell myself I can quit reading KS fanfiction whenever I want.
I'm kidding, I stopped lying to myself a long time ago.
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:08 am

Nothing you say will make me take that part out.
Why? Is the character going to be plot relevant later?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Helbereth
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by Helbereth » Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:44 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Nothing you say will make me take that part out.
Why? Is the character going to be plot relevant later?
No, I just like the banter. Without it there's no setup for Yoko's line about fairy-tale princesses, and Aiko's indignation over treating the driver like a second class citizen doesn't make as much sense.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 02/21/14 ~ C.44 - Sojourn

Post by bnash22 » Wed Feb 26, 2014 5:00 am

Made an account for pretty much the sole purpose of telling you how much I love this.

Also, props on sticking to this story for almost 2 years. That's dedication if i've ever seen it.

Keep up the good work, I read up to here in about a weeks time so I'm a little too excited for the continuation :D

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