Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 04/30/16 ~ recommitted to completion.

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
BlackWaltzTheThird
Posts: 613
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Fri Aug 16, 2013 11:33 pm

So... much... LoTR...

Also,
Helbereth wrote:busty, dark-haired math girl
For some strange reason I read that as "dusty, math-haired bark girl". It's the middle of the day, I shouldn't be this sloppy. Maybe that's why I didn't notice anything else worth commenting on.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!

BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!

User avatar
neio
Posts: 246
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:42 pm
Location: Xanadu

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by neio » Fri Aug 16, 2013 11:52 pm

Trivia:
“No.. or yes...?” I stammer, trying to get my answer right, “I'm sure it didn't rain... I think,” I laugh and shake my head in dismay, “at least... not on me.”
... said nobody in Japanese ever. The Japanese "hai" and "iie" deal with the correctness of the statement, so Aiko would have simply said "hai" and moved on.

It's an English fic though, so it's all good.
Recommended fics: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route | Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue) | Can You Open Your Heart? (Rika)

(New) Movie contest: From which 2012 film did I mangle this quote? Prize: Humble Bundle
You're worried about the Nurse? Try the mom.

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1345
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Hoitash » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:47 am

neio wrote:Trivia:
“No.. or yes...?” I stammer, trying to get my answer right, “I'm sure it didn't rain... I think,” I laugh and shake my head in dismay, “at least... not on me.”
... said nobody in Japanese ever. The Japanese "hai" and "iie" deal with the correctness of the statement, so Aiko would have simply said "hai" and moved on.

It's an English fic though, so it's all good.
speaking of which, hai seems very contextual in terms of meaning. What's with that?

And no, I am not going to learn Japanese to help your editing, Helbereth. I may learn it to read The Devil is a Part-Timer! light novels, though.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

Reese8
Posts: 54
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Reese8 » Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:19 am

I'm stuck using my iPod at the moment, but I enjoyed the chapter.

User avatar
Helbereth
Posts: 1532
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:44 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Helbereth » Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:21 am

Hoitash wrote:
neio wrote:Trivia:
“No.. or yes...?” I stammer, trying to get my answer right, “I'm sure it didn't rain... I think,” I laugh and shake my head in dismay, “at least... not on me.”
... said nobody in Japanese ever. The Japanese "hai" and "iie" deal with the correctness of the statement, so Aiko would have simply said "hai" and moved on.

It's an English fic though, so it's all good.
speaking of which, hai seems very contextual in terms of meaning. What's with that?

And no, I am not going to learn Japanese to help your editing, Helbereth. I may learn it to read The Devil is a Part-Timer! light novels, though.
There wouldn't be anything to gain trying to write this as though it were translated from Japanese.

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1345
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Hoitash » Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:37 am

Helbereth wrote:There wouldn't be anything to gain trying to write this as though it were translated from Japanese.
Verisimilitude.

Yeah, not worth it. Neat idea though.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
edruil
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:32 am
Location: Side 3

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by edruil » Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:24 pm

First of all, I geeked out hard over all the Tolkien references. Nicely done, if a bit over the top.

Second, I'm on a long distance drive across the US right now, and I drove by this yesterday on I-17 north of Phoenix only to arrive at my hotel and find a new chapter of this fic posted.

Image

Hilarious coincidence or what? :lol:


ewx
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 1:37 pm

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by ewx » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:00 am

Only read the first few chapter but it's great so far. :D
Nodding, i extend an invitation...
I get the distinct feeling that the 'i' should be 'I'.
relay their queries, really

It's frustrating.
Is there supposed to be some punctuation after really?
my shoulder, i turn
After i make a comment
These mistakes could easily be picked up by a spellchecker or a proofreader.

I won't put any quotes here but you often put speech in the middle of a sentence but you have not capitalised the first letter of the speech. While it may be in the middle of a sentence, speech typically starts with a capital letter. I can honestly understand Aiko's disdain for English. :lol:


On a semi-related note, the picture of Aiko in your signature looks fantastic but the one at the bottom of the contents post looks like she's having a mental breakdown after murdering someone with an axe. That and the high-neck vest and the extra neck length after that makes her look really weird.

User avatar
Helbereth
Posts: 1532
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:44 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Helbereth » Mon Aug 19, 2013 7:27 am

ewx wrote:Only read the first few chapter but it's great so far. :D
Nodding, i extend an invitation...
I get the distinct feeling that the 'i' should be 'I'.
relay their queries, really

It's frustrating.
Is there supposed to be some punctuation after really?
my shoulder, i turn
After i make a comment
These mistakes could easily be picked up by a spellchecker or a proofreader.

I won't put any quotes here but you often put speech in the middle of a sentence but you have not capitalised[sic]the first letter of the speech. While it may be in the middle of a sentence, speech typically starts with a capital letter. I can honestly understand Aiko's disdain for English. :lol:


On a semi-related note, the picture of Aiko in your signature looks fantastic but the one at the bottom of the contents post looks like she's having a mental breakdown after murdering someone with an axe. That and the high-neck vest and the extra neck length after that makes her look really weird.
Okay, um... how far back are those mistakes? The mid-sentence quote thing is something I stopped doing somewhere around chapter 15... and I simply haven't had the time or inclination to go back and fix all the little technical errors from the early chapters.

The image on the title page is quite old, I admit, and could stand to be updated, but, like with so many things, I'm shoveling against the tide. Also, her expression was intended to it somewhere between shock and confusion--like one might have during a conversation with Kenji.

ewx
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2013 1:37 pm

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by ewx » Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:21 am

All of the typos are in the first three chapters and I believe they are in chronological order. Hopefully they are easy enough to find with Ctrl +F.
Haven't got further than that. Only another 37 chapters to go :lol:

Also, please excuse my spelling of words ending with -ize/-ise, I'm still trying to adapt to writing in American English as that seems to be the standard here.


Take your time with new chapters and whatnot. I don't think anyone wants to pressure you into hastily writing chapters. :)

RedRover
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:33 am
Location: The Middle of Nowhere

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by RedRover » Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:43 pm

ewx wrote:On a semi-related note, the picture of Aiko in your signature looks fantastic but the one at the bottom of the contents post looks like she's having a mental breakdown after murdering someone with an axe. That and the high-neck vest and the extra neck length after that makes her look really weird.
When I think of Aiko, I generally picture Aura's avatar. For some reason, that's exactly what I picture her looking like.

By the way, Helbereth, loving the story.
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." -Confucius
Quotes are fun.
I have a oneshot about little ol' Suzu. Read it! Or don't.

User avatar
neio
Posts: 246
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:42 pm
Location: Xanadu

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by neio » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:34 pm

ewx wrote:Also, please excuse my spelling of words ending with -ize/-ise, I'm still trying to adapt to writing in American English as that seems to be the standard here.
Oh wow. Good luck. Remember, it's "color" without a 'u' but "contour" with, "meter" with 'er' but "acre" with 're,' and we have no 'æ' or 'œ.' Also our curbs are gray and we hit them with tires. We never mind the gap, and we have an obesity problem because of french fries and elevators.

English would suck enough as a unified language :|
Recommended fics: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route | Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue) | Can You Open Your Heart? (Rika)

(New) Movie contest: From which 2012 film did I mangle this quote? Prize: Humble Bundle
You're worried about the Nurse? Try the mom.

User avatar
Helbereth
Posts: 1532
Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:44 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by Helbereth » Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:45 pm

ewx wrote:All of the typos are in the first three chapters and I believe they are in chronological order.
In that case, I'll basically ignore them then because those are the only three chapters I've had a chance to go back and edit--albeit unreleased.
Only another 37 chapters to go :lol:
Yeah, that's only 300,000 words... it should only take a few hours.
Take your time with new chapters and whatnot. I don't think anyone wants to pressure you into hastily writing chapters. :)
Oh, believe me, I've never rushed myself. Early on I was publishing quickly because I was writing quickly--things were less complicated. Now I have a plethora of diverging stories to track, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does put a premium on how I approach the flow of the story.
RedRover wrote:When I think of Aiko, I generally picture Aura's avatar. For some reason, that's exactly what I picture her looking like.
Hmm, well, considering that's Natsume, who I didn't know about until after I started writing, I find your associating Aiko with her somewhat disconcerting. Apart from the hair color and heterochromia, they have little in common in terms of features, but I digress.
By the way, Helbereth, loving the story.
I'm not sure if that's a comment based on 20 chapters ago, or the recent iterations, but thank you.
neio wrote:English would suck enough as a unified language :|
Linguistic dialects can be more frustrating than learning the language itself.

RedRover
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:33 am
Location: The Middle of Nowhere

Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 08/16/13 ~ C.40 - Summer Lull

Post by RedRover » Mon Aug 19, 2013 9:41 pm

Helbereth wrote:
RedRover wrote:When I think of Aiko, I generally picture Aura's avatar. For some reason, that's exactly what I picture her looking like.
Hmm, well, considering that's Natsume, who I didn't know about until after I started writing, I find your associating Aiko with her somewhat disconcerting. Apart from the hair color and heterochromia, they have little in common in terms of features, but I digress.
Well, it's the combination of the hair color and heterochromia, and both of them wearing glasses. I know she has distinguishing features, such as her strip of hair and, erm, larger breasts. My mind just draws odd connections like that for some reason. For example, when I think of the English language, I think of the color green. Just 'cuz. :lol:
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." -Confucius
Quotes are fun.
I have a oneshot about little ol' Suzu. Read it! Or don't.

Post Reply