neio wrote:Please excuse me while I dance around the room chanting "Tomorrow's Doom is back!" Edit: it helps when the room is not an airport lobby.
Honestly, chanting that in an airport probably wouldn't make you seem any more strange than the other crazies waiting in the terminal.
Here in the USA, we have the TSA, and they don't like suspicious words like "doom"
my laptop needed about a million updates
Obviously not using Linux.
I wouldn't even attempt to write a character using Linux since just about the only thing I know about the OS is its name.
It has its faults, but one click to update ALL THE THINGS is great.
For one thing, you need to get your commas in order. Maybe I'll make a short post in the sticky about commas.
Proximity, and persistence
"And" preceded by a comma is only* used in lists (Oxford comma) or as a replacement for the semicolon. "Proximity; persistence" is obviously wrong, since neither word is an independent clause. (It's about as bad as these semicolons
That probably isn't the best place to pick out a grammatical error of that sort since the comma is contained in dialogue and is there to indicate a pause in speech rather than for any other reason.
she tore her whole room apart with the pretense of cleaning, or so she says; I decide not to comment on how redundant that seems
IMO, this is more ironic than redundant.
You may have meant to reply...
All in all, I think you managed to skillfully save the storyline from its premature demise.
Yes, or you could say I postponed its doom until tomorrow.
I have no suitable response to this.
(I have to go read another fanfic, but here are some punctuation samples)
>Being able to find everything without spending extra time clawing through my closet, or tripping over stuff on the floor is strange
>Wearing sweat-clothes with her hair tied back, there are dark circles under Amaya's eyes making her look comically tired
>The incident in question is a hazy memory for me, but probably meant more to Tadao.
Strict mode: add "it" after "but."
>Ah, love; for some it's quiet fawning and horseplay, for others it's idle threats and violence...
The Lonely Island song is more relevant here.
>My pause draws a look from Amaya, which is doubly suspicious, but could mean anything, so I shrug slightly and reply
Em dashes might be more appropriate than the second and third commas here.