Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 04/30/16 ~ recommitted to completion.

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Jul 22, 2013 3:50 pm

because I have no concept, spatially, of their values
And thus planes and Mars probes sometimes crash ;-)
Seriously I find it much easier to remember that there are a thousand metres to a Kilometre or that a Hectare is 100x100 metres than that there are 5.280 feet to a mile or that an acre is 43.560 squarefeet^^°
Even if I could remember all the relations, I couldn't easily convert them in my head, which is no problem with metric measurements. If I had to, I'd probably convert them to metric first and then back again^^°

Getting a spatial concept of the units is just a matter of using them regularly.
Hoitash wrote:Agreed; I did some metric based math work in school, and once you remember what prefix means what, things get pretty easy.
And English native speakers know the most important ones anyway: Decade, Century, Millenium
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Mon Jul 22, 2013 5:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Hoitash » Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:13 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
because I have no concept, spatially, of their values
And thus planes and Amrs probes sometimes crash ;-)
Seriously I find it much easier to remember that there are a thousand metres to a Kilometre or that a Hectare is 100x100 metres than that there are 5.280 feet to a mile or that an acre is 43.560 squarefeet^^°
Even if I could remember all the relations, I couldn't easily convert them in my head, which is no problem with metric measurements. If I had to, I'd probably convert them to metric first and then back again^^°

Getting a spatial concept of the units is just a matter of using them regularly.
Agreed; I did some metric based math work in school, and once you remember what prefix means what, things get pretty easy.
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by bpgbcg » Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:30 pm

And so ends the longest-seeming month and a half ever.

The dialogue is awesome, as always. Somehow you squeeze meaning out of the most mundane situations.

Mostly, I'm excited at the prospect of Satoru/Lydia showing up again. And Yoko, of course, who still seems somewhat like a mystery despite the fact that she's appeared relatively often in the chapters up till now.
Piano music for the KS soundtrack; I've done a few transcriptions which are on page 43 of that thread. Also, I wrote a musical theme for Scissorlips' amazing Suzu pseudo-route, which I then recorded here.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Helbereth » Tue Jul 23, 2013 3:26 pm

bpgbcg wrote:And so ends the longest-seeming month and a half ever.
My apologies--the delay was never intended.
The dialogue is awesome, as always. Somehow you squeeze meaning out of the most mundane situations.
If I couldn't get something out of mundane situations, I don't think I'd be writing a slice-of-life story.
Mostly, I'm excited at the prospect of Satoru/Lydia showing up again. And Yoko, of course, who still seems somewhat like a mystery despite the fact that she's appeared relatively often in the chapters up till now.
Yoko is one of the more fun characters for me to write. Often you can predict how she'll react, but sometimes something just comes out of left field with her--it makes writing scenes with her more entertaining.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by edruil » Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:50 pm

So, so happy to see this continued! Looking forward to the next chapter, and hopefully learning a bit more about Yoko's mysterious illness / overdose.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by neio » Wed Jul 24, 2013 2:16 am

Please excuse me while I dance around the room chanting "Tomorrow's Doom is back!" Edit: it helps when the room is not an airport lobby.
my laptop needed about a million updates
Obviously not using Linux.
I'll owe myself a brain-bleaching for that later
http://eyebleach.com/ http://guybleach.com

It seems I've arrived too late for the low-hanging typos, but no grammar is ever perfect. :twisted:

For one thing, you need to get your commas in order. Maybe I'll make a short post in the sticky about commas.
Proximity, and persistence
"And" preceded by a comma is only* used in lists (Oxford comma) or as a replacement for the semicolon. "Proximity; persistence" is obviously wrong, since neither word is an independent clause. (It's about as bad as these semicolons.)
she tore her whole room apart with the pretense of cleaning, or so she says; I decide not to comment on how redundant that seems
IMO, this is more ironic than redundant.
“You even clean in an orderly way,” I remark jokingly, which manages to draw a stifled chuckle out of her.
Speaking of the sticky...

All in all, I think you managed to skillfully save the storyline from its premature demise.

*Any other cases have either slipped my mind or become so scarce that any sentence using them should be reworded anyway.
Recommended fics: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route | Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue) | Can You Open Your Heart? (Rika)

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Helbereth » Wed Jul 24, 2013 3:26 am

neio wrote:Please excuse me while I dance around the room chanting "Tomorrow's Doom is back!" Edit: it helps when the room is not an airport lobby.
Honestly, chanting that in an airport probably wouldn't make you seem any more strange than the other crazies waiting in the terminal.
my laptop needed about a million updates
Obviously not using Linux.
I wouldn't even attempt to write a character using Linux since just about the only thing I know about the OS is its name.
For one thing, you need to get your commas in order. Maybe I'll make a short post in the sticky about commas.
Proximity, and persistence
"And" preceded by a comma is only* used in lists (Oxford comma) or as a replacement for the semicolon. "Proximity; persistence" is obviously wrong, since neither word is an independent clause. (It's about as bad as these semicolons.)
That probably isn't the best place to pick out a grammatical error of that sort since the comma is contained in dialogue and is there to indicate a pause in speech rather than for any other reason.
she tore her whole room apart with the pretense of cleaning, or so she says; I decide not to comment on how redundant that seems
IMO, this is more ironic than redundant.
“You even clean in an orderly way,” I remark jokingly,
Speaking of the sticky...
Yeah, that one is kind of bogus. I went back and changed 'remark jokingly' to 'joke'--it feels more concise at least.
All in all, I think you managed to skillfully save the storyline from its premature demise.
Yes, or you could say I postponed its doom until tomorrow.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by neio » Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:43 pm

Helbereth wrote:
neio wrote:Please excuse me while I dance around the room chanting "Tomorrow's Doom is back!" Edit: it helps when the room is not an airport lobby.
Honestly, chanting that in an airport probably wouldn't make you seem any more strange than the other crazies waiting in the terminal.
Here in the USA, we have the TSA, and they don't like suspicious words like "doom" :P
my laptop needed about a million updates
Obviously not using Linux.
I wouldn't even attempt to write a character using Linux since just about the only thing I know about the OS is its name.
It has its faults, but one click to update ALL THE THINGS is great.
For one thing, you need to get your commas in order. Maybe I'll make a short post in the sticky about commas.
Proximity, and persistence
"And" preceded by a comma is only* used in lists (Oxford comma) or as a replacement for the semicolon. "Proximity; persistence" is obviously wrong, since neither word is an independent clause. (It's about as bad as these semicolons.)
That probably isn't the best place to pick out a grammatical error of that sort since the comma is contained in dialogue and is there to indicate a pause in speech rather than for any other reason.
See appendix.
she tore her whole room apart with the pretense of cleaning, or so she says; I decide not to comment on how redundant that seems
IMO, this is more ironic than redundant.
You may have meant to reply...
All in all, I think you managed to skillfully save the storyline from its premature demise.
Yes, or you could say I postponed its doom until tomorrow.
I have no suitable response to this.

Appendix:
(I have to go read another fanfic, but here are some punctuation samples)
>Being able to find everything without spending extra time clawing through my closet, or tripping over stuff on the floor is strange
Extraneous comma
>Wearing sweat-clothes with her hair tied back, there are dark circles under Amaya's eyes making her look comically tired
Dangling modifier
>The incident in question is a hazy memory for me, but probably meant more to Tadao.
Strict mode: add "it" after "but."
>Ah, love; for some it's quiet fawning and horseplay, for others it's idle threats and violence...
The Lonely Island song is more relevant here.
>My pause draws a look from Amaya, which is doubly suspicious, but could mean anything, so I shrug slightly and reply
Em dashes might be more appropriate than the second and third commas here.
Recommended fics: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route | Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue) | Can You Open Your Heart? (Rika)

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Helbereth » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:58 am

>Ah, love; for some it's quiet fawning and horseplay, for others it's idle threats and violence...
The Lonely Island song is more relevant here.
First, I'm not sure what reference you might be talking about. Second, I don't think The Lonely Island had released an album by 2007, so why would Aiko be referencing it?

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Wookie » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:31 am

Helbereth yet again deliverers the awesomesause. NOMNOMNOM. :P
My recommended fanfic material:
- A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route/Ascent: An Emilogue/Akira Pseudo-Route/Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue)/One Wish (Hanako, post neutral)/"Can You Open Your Heart?" - a Rika pseudo-route/Closure/Kagami Pseudo-Route/ Tomorrow's Doom - Aiko Kurai (OC)... Damn it people, stop writing awesome fanfic, i'm running out of room in this sig!

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by neio » Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:56 am

Helbereth wrote:
>Ah, love; for some it's quiet fawning and horseplay, for others it's idle threats and violence...
The Lonely Island song is more relevant here.
First, I'm not sure what reference you might be talking about. Second, I don't think The Lonely Island had released an album by 2007, so why would Aiko be referencing it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M94ii6MVilw
Recommended fics: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route | Sisterhood (Hanako Epilogue) | Can You Open Your Heart? (Rika)

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Helbereth » Thu Jul 25, 2013 1:19 pm

neio wrote:
Helbereth wrote:
>Ah, love; for some it's quiet fawning and horseplay, for others it's idle threats and violence...
The Lonely Island song is more relevant here.
First, I'm not sure what reference you might be talking about. Second, I don't think The Lonely Island had released an album by 2007, so why would Aiko be referencing it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M94ii6MVilw
I never would have gotten that reference.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jul 25, 2013 3:35 pm

To be honest, I still don't get it...
If I had to choose, I'd put a dash there, maybe an ellipsis.
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Etokie » Thu Jul 25, 2013 4:10 pm

Helbereth. You're back :D. Now, have you got a schedule planned out for the next chapters
Or are you just posting them as you finish? Would be great to know.
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Helbereth
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Re: Tomorrow's Doom ~ Up: 7/22/13 ~ C.39 - The Loneliest Num

Post by Helbereth » Thu Jul 25, 2013 4:34 pm

To be honest, I still don't get it...
If I had to choose, I't[sic] put a dash there, maybe an ellipsis.
No, I like the colon better. Since she's providing a definition for the subject (love), rather than merely commenting on it, the colon functions as a proper separator.
Etokie wrote:Helbereth. You're back :D. Now, have you got a schedule planned out for the next chapters
Or are you just posting them as you finish? Would be great to know.
The serial enthusiast in me would like to maintain a schedule, but the realist says that's probably not going to happen. Also, you should be wary of comments like this as the admins might interpret your enthusiasm as a request, and that's frowned upon.

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