Miki Route (updated 7/17)

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Total Destruction
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Total Destruction » Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:05 am

DAMMIT THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING~

:mrgreen:

Also, dude who image-quoted Shottas. Yes.
... Danger.

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Meadows
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Meadows » Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:12 pm

griffon8 wrote:And Meadows? I think the extra effort put into the fireworks scene was well spent. :)
Thank you, I'm glad it shows. I'm sort of just getting back into writing and am still moving out of that weird phase where you have to fumble for the right words to get the image in your head across.
Machoman wrote:Went for it in act 1? I like it.
Yeah I know it's a little unorthodox, but there's actually a reason for this and you'll see why in Act 2
Total Destruction wrote:DAMMIT THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING~
I uh... gee thanks! Coming from someone else who's tried their hand at writing for Miki, this means a lot. Although I don't agree 100% with your own interpretation of her, I think you do quite a good job.

==============================

Also, there's a nice fellow named DrawBro who did a picture of the end of 1-4 that I wanted to share, which some of you may or may not have seen:

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Last edited by Meadows on Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hoitash
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Hoitash » Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:24 pm

(Manly Tear)

Beautiful image.
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Total Destruction
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Total Destruction » Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:34 pm

Meadows wrote:I uh... gee thanks! Coming from someone else who's tried their hand at writing for Miki, this means a lot. Although I don't agree 100% with your own interpretation of her, I think you do quite a good job.
D'aaawwwwwwwww, shucks. :D

My Miki sucks. Yours is cute as hell.
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by badmanslayer04 » Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:37 am

"Yeah I know it's a little unorthodox, but there's actually a reason for this and you'll see why in Act 2"

You're just trying to tease us now :cry:
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Helbereth » Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:53 am

I don't think the kiss means much, really. Miki seems the type to do that just for the fun of it, without consequences. A bit of promiscuity plays right into her tomboyish character. I'm not saying it couldn't develop from there, but I don't think people should read into it too much.

And, yeah, I started reading this latest chapter like five days ago, but I got called away in the middle -just as they were getting food- and only remembered it today.

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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by badmanslayer04 » Sun Jul 22, 2012 7:26 am

That's what I thought too
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Ozymil
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Ozymil » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:45 am

Loving your interpretation on Miki's route thus far. Prose flows rather well, though it can be a bit embellished at times. But, like Hisao and Miki's relationship, I trust that this is only setting up the stage for something great to come along. Looking forward to what you have in store!
Donnes-moi le chocolat, Hisao! Gib mir die Schokolade, Hisao! Dame el chocolate, Hisao! Dammi il cioccolato, Hisao! Ge mig choklad, Hisao! Giv mig chokolade, Hisao! 私にチョコレートを与える, 久夫! Daj mi czekoladę, Hisao! Geef me de chocola, Hisao! (Thanks for the Dutch ver. Leotrak) Bigyan mo ako ng chocolate, Hisao! Geef mij de chocolade, Hisao! Дайте мне шоколад, Хисао! Dá-me o chocolate, Hisao!

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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Scissorlips » Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:05 am

Another great chapter. We've seen the festival done half a dozen different ways by now, and I think you did a good job of keeping things fresh and interesting. Suzu's short appearance was thoughtful and melancholy, but I've sure she'll be alright. The banter between Hisao and Miki flowed well, she acts like the Miki we know but you're not afraid to push her in new directions and expand on the character, which is good. Red is indeed the fastest color (up to three times faster, to be exact), but Miki is on to something with the green. Which is actually Hisao's favorite color, if Lilly's route is to be believed. So maybe they have something in common there.
The booth game was a cute scene, the little nod to Emi and her obsession with healthy food was enjoyable as well, it will be interesting to see how Miki and Hisao's relationship echoes and diverges from his one with Emi, from what they have in common and how they're different. I still wasn't able to get a very good feel for exactly what the rules of objective of the game really was though, although I'm sure something like that would be much easier to see in an actual ingame format.
I enjoyed the scene with the mountain trail and the view of Yamaku, Hisao's reflection on his condition reminds us that we're still early in and he's still coming to grips with being at Yamaku, which is good. Miki's making a move is the kind of forward action you could probably expect from her, but you took care to make her still a little hesitant, still a little nervous, so she comes off as a tomboyish and aggressive, without seeming over the top and promiscuous, which I like. Things moving that quickly for them is unusual by the standards of the other routes, but I can definitely see it with their situation, and it seems like it will lead to quite an interesting story to come.
I hope you enjoy the both exciting and slightly terrifying freedom that comes with being out from under the umbrella of act 1. I'm really enjoying the story so far and I look forward to future installments.
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Total Destruction
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Total Destruction » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:02 pm

Scissorlips wrote:Another great chapter. We've seen the festival done half a dozen different ways by now, and I think you did a good job of keeping things fresh and interesting. Suzu's short appearance was thoughtful and melancholy, but I've sure she'll be alright. The banter between Hisao and Miki flowed well, she acts like the Miki we know but you're not afraid to push her in new directions and expand on the character, which is good. Red is indeed the fastest color (up to three times faster, to be exact), but Miki is on to something with the green. Which is actually Hisao's favorite color, if Lilly's route is to be believed. So maybe they have something in common there.
The booth game was a cute scene, the little nod to Emi and her obsession with healthy food was enjoyable as well, it will be interesting to see how Miki and Hisao's relationship echoes and diverges from his one with Emi, from what they have in common and how they're different. I still wasn't able to get a very good feel for exactly what the rules of objective of the game really was though, although I'm sure something like that would be much easier to see in an actual ingame format.
I enjoyed the scene with the mountain trail and the view of Yamaku, Hisao's reflection on his condition reminds us that we're still early in and he's still coming to grips with being at Yamaku, which is good. Miki's making a move is the kind of forward action you could probably expect from her, but you took care to make her still a little hesitant, still a little nervous, so she comes off as a tomboyish and aggressive, without seeming over the top and promiscuous, which I like. Things moving that quickly for them is unusual by the standards of the other routes, but I can definitely see it with their situation, and it seems like it will lead to quite an interesting story to come.
I hope you enjoy the both exciting and slightly terrifying freedom that comes with being out from under the umbrella of act 1. I'm really enjoying the story so far and I look forward to future installments.
Way the hell more eloquently than I could have ever put it.

Success.

:D
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Meadows » Tue Jul 24, 2012 2:02 pm

Helbereth wrote:I don't think the kiss means much, really. Miki seems the type to do that just for the fun of it, without consequences. A bit of promiscuity plays right into her tomboyish character. I'm not saying it couldn't develop from there, but I don't think people should read into it too much.
*tents fingers in Mr. Burns fashion* Yes, excellent. Do feel free to keep speculating. Soon you shall see, mwahaha.
Ozymil wrote:Loving your interpretation on Miki's route thus far. Prose flows rather well, though it can be a bit embellished at times. But, like Hisao and Miki's relationship, I trust that this is only setting up the stage for something great to come along. Looking forward to what you have in store!
Thank you! Yeah, I have a habit of embellishing (one of my proofreaders dinged me for using too 'big' a word in this chapter, lol). I try to keep it in check and do my best to match the style of the VN's narrative, but obviously personal style will slip out here and there.

I'm hoping that I can manage to tailor a nice enough experience so that people will want to continue reading. That's what I'm in the processes of sketching out, and I'm kind of a perfectionist so I'm really trying to make sure that all the details fit together, sound original, make sense, aren't sickeningly cliche, and generate an adequate amount of feels. It's as difficult a task as I imagined, and while I'd just like to go balls-out and start writing Act 2 freestyle, I'm all too familiar with the results of poor-planning.
Scissorlips wrote: (a massive chunk of awesome feedback)
Wow man... You should be working on the next Suzu chapter instead of writing epic comments like this! I am humbled yet again.
I guess the appropriate response is for me to ruffle your hair and make some comment about you being a 'gaylord' or whatever. :D
Scissorlips wrote: I still wasn't able to get a very good feel for exactly what the rules of objective of the game really was though, although I'm sure something like that would be much easier to see in an actual ingame format.
Yeah I tried to do my best to explain it. I guess my school's carnival was just weird and the only one that did something like this, because I couldn't find any pictures of the game as I've described it. Basically, there's a spin-wheel sectioned off into numbers--you take turns spinning to see how many spaces you move forward--and the object is to get your guy from the start to the finish. The winner is totally random. The version I saw in real life was done with horses and jockeys, but I just edited it to work for the whole track'n'field thing. Here's a terrible drawing:

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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Lumi » Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:44 am

I love this fanfic bro. Keep up the good work.

And please don't quit on this. I've seen too many fanfics cut off by lazy writers. If you quit I may have to do bad things...

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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by JTemby » Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:49 am

Lumi wrote:I love this fanfic bro. Keep up the good work.

And please don't quit on this. I've seen too many fanfics cut off by lazy writers. If you quit I may have to do bad things...
Oh please, Meadows won't quit, he loves us too much :D

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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by Meadows » Mon Jul 30, 2012 7:26 am

Since you're probably all wondering, yes I am still alive. There was some text here... it's gone now. I'm sitting here with my foot in my mouth trying to look innocent.
Lumi wrote:I love this fanfic bro. Keep up the good work.
Thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far.
Lumi wrote:And please don't quit on this. I've seen too many fanfics cut off by lazy writers. If you quit I may have to do bad things...
If anything keeps me from writing, it's definitely not laziness. I wish I could get paid to do this full time, but alas there are other things I have to waste my time on so I can pay the bills to get the electricity to power the computer that lets me write.
JTemby wrote:Oh please, Meadows won't quit, he loves us too much :D
D'awwww shucks.
Last edited by Meadows on Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:11 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Tue Jul 31, 2012 8:05 am

I like the story so far. Miki seems in character for the most part (I'm not entirely sold on the rumours thing), and with the exception of the Cold War explosion so does Hisao. I share others' sentiments in that perhaps it might have been advisable to have the "route flag" so to speak be in a different scene. Partly because Hisao's rage-bomb was rather unjustified towards Lilly, and only partly so to The Student Council, but mostly because it means you will have forge your own path (pun not intended) rather than using the stepping stone of another. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.
Cheers, BlackWaltz.
Last edited by BlackWaltzTheThird on Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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